Key Posts Category
X Factor Live Final Blog: Stacey Solomon Is Out
X FACTOR live blog: Joe McElderry, Olly Murs and Stacey Solomon are until Monday the Future Of Pop Music. But Stacey is is out.
Highlights of the night are:
* Dermot saying that “in no particular order the second act through to the live final is…”
* Joe looking like a mini George Michael as they duet on Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me. George is wearing those glasses you used to see car dealers wear in episodes of Minder.
* Olly singing Angels with his older version: Robbie Williams, who sings out of step with the lyrics. Olly then appears with all the dancers dressed in Dannii Minogue’s hair.
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Posted: 12th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)
They All Look Like Jedward: A Picture Special
JEDWARD can’t sing and they can’t dance. But they can entertain. They can entertain because they have huge vehicle behind them. They have the context of the X Factor. Without the show and the hype that comes with it, Jedward are rubbish. Would you pay to see them? If you answer “yes”, best check what time the warden on your secure ward wants you back. If you can’t see Jedward, then you can see their look alikes. Here’s the gallery:
Posted: 12th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
X Factor: Stacey Solomon Gets Cabbaged And Joe McElderry Pulls
X FACTOR Watch: It’s the final weekend of the X Factor. Who wins: Disney character and granny-magnet Joe McElderry, hyperventilating Stacey Solomon or twitchy itchy dancer Olly Murs, the man whose name is contagious – literally? Look out for Olly’s impression of David Brent in a lift.
Geordie Joe McElderry will perform with George Michael. Wake Me up After You Joe Joe. Everyone else gets Jedward.
Jedward wins!
He is lining up a series of deals. Louis said: “They will be millionaires by the end of next year. TV, modelling endorsements, gigs, books, hair, pop music…they’ll be huge.” – Mirror
Amanda Holden Is Coller Than A Wasabi Enema
Amanda tells us: “I’m really hoping Joe will win. There is nobody out there on the market for 10 to 21-year-olds and fits the bill perfectly – Mirror
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Posted: 12th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
Tiger Woods: After The Other 10 Alleged Golf Fans, Meet Loredana Jolie, In Pictures
TIGER Woods: Happy Hollywood hooker enabler Michelle Braun alleges Tiger Woods invested $60,000 on four caddies in one year.
You see what happens, people. You don’t let women into the golf club so the golfers are forced to try to meet women in other ways, whether by ordering drinks and snacks or paying for sex. Braun tells the New York Post that Woods blew $15,000 on a date with Loredana Jolie.
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Posted: 11th, December 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment
Tiger Woods: Jamie Jungers Dishes The Dirt On Sex With A Golfer, In Pictures
TIGER Woods: Jaime Jungers (Waitress No.2) is talking to the media about Tiger Woods and golf. Because golf is boring, we’ve edited out those bits and just skip straight to the sex.
First up, Jamie Jungers, 26, says she has not revived any cash from Woods. No hush money, even. Nothing. Junges is on “The Secret Life of Tiger Woods” on NBC’s – get this – “Dateline.”
Says Jungers on the news dating show (Dial 0800GOT WOODS):
“I didn’t even get a birthday card. I got nothing out of this relationship but a broken heart.”
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Posted: 11th, December 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (4)
Tiger Woods: Holly Sampson Appears On Tiger Woods’ Sex Video
TIGER Woods: Holly Sampson (pictures), Tiger Woods’ alleged mistress, wants to tell you about having sex with Tiger Woods.
Got a pencil? Ok, let’s us begin. For budding and ageing golfers who dare to dream, there will be questions later. He hired her for a Stag night do. Holly says that Tiger is “the perfect gentlemen”. He turned off the telly?
“I f___ Tiger Woods… Me and my girlfriends did a bachelor party for Tiger and it was amazing. A friend of mine Brent Bolthouse – he runs a lot of nightclubs. He used to be a friend of mine and he was good friends with one of Tiger Woods’ assistants. So me and my girlfriends we did a bachelor party for Tiger and uh it was amazing. And so he picked me to go into the room…I have to say he was really good. He and Kevin…I’ve got juice…I think it’s pretty amazing. He’s (Woods) like the whitest black boy you’ve ever met. His teeth are perfect and he’s the perfect gentleman. He’s beautiful.”
Posted: 11th, December 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (3)
Meredith Kercher In Pictures: Raffaele Sollecito Talks Of ‘Sweet’ Amanda Knox
MEREDITH Kercher: Amanda Knox is appealing not only to killers and perverts but to appeal court judges and her accomplice Raffaele Sollecito speaks from his jail cell about Amanda Knox – the “sweet girl”.
If you can’t trust a convicted murderer, who can you trust. Go on, Mr Sollecito:
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Posted: 11th, December 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (2)
In Pictures: Chinese Man With Remote Control Up Anus Changes Channel To Watch Tiger Woods
HUANG Chen keeps his TV remote control up his bottom. (Anyone seen that gld club that dear Elin used to save Tiger Woods?) Chen is at Hunan Hangtian Hospital in Changsha.
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Posted: 10th, December 2009 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comments (3)
In Pictures: Tiger Woods’ Text Messages To Jaimee Grubbs
TIGER Woods: So sorry is Jaimee Grubbs for hurting Elin Nordegren that she hold’s her phone to the air and let’s everyone see the sexy texts Elin’s husband sent her. Touching stuff. And it is informative. What do you say to a billionaire golfer? What does a billionaire golfer say to Las Vegas waitress? Let’s see in Anorak’s GCSE Guide To Sexting The Woods:
Module 1: Adressing The Woods
Jaimee: I drove out for the night to surprise a friend with a friend with a present for there birthday
Tiger: what kind of present your naked body
Teacher’s Note: In this message Jaimee mistakes “there” for “their”. Tiger also manages to imply that Jaimee sleeps around.
Conclusion: Good spelling need not be a barrier to having sex with golfers.
Module 2: Man Of Letters
Tiger: quiet and secretively we will always be together
Tiger: when was the last time you got laid
Teacher’s Note: Poetry and poignancy. If Tiger wasn’t a golfer he’d make a great vicar, offering thoughts for the day.
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Posted: 10th, December 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment
Tiger Woods: How Jaimee Grubbs Processed Tiger Woods
TIGER Woods Crazy Golf Hole No. 6 and nominative determinism victim, Jaimee Grubbs, has been speaking on the US entertainment show Extra about “processing” Tiger Woods.
Grubbs claims to have romanced Woods for over 2 years. She says she is sorry. So sorry is she? How much you got?
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Posted: 10th, December 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (4)
Nine Premiere LA In Pictures: Presented By Nicole Kidman’s Tongue
THE Los Angeles Premiere of the film NINE took in the magical otherworldly moment when line-free and tall Nicole Kidman stood in the middle of pneumatic Penelope Cruz and Black Eyed Peas main warbler Stacy Ferguson. Kidman looked likes a tongue lolling from between two labradoodles. Look out for the image of Kidman trying to re-connect with Tom Cruise’s mother ship, the pain and the pity as Cruz and Ferguson each catch site of the other, and the woman who appears to have picked up Ferguson’s scent – enjoy all the pictures:
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Posted: 10th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Tiger Woods: Rachel Uchitel’s OK! Interview In Full, And Pictures
TIGER Woods: After denying an affair with Woods and then calling a press conference, before – with the world’s media massed and expectant – cancelling the press conference, misunderstood Rachel Uchitel now tells her story to OK! magazine. It’s Rachel Kiss’ n’ Tell.
On the cover of OK!, Rachel Uchitel is billed as “TIGER WOODS’ RACHEL UCHITEL”. This is “‘MY SIDE OF THE STORY'”.
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Posted: 10th, December 2009 | In: Key Posts, OK! | Comments (4)
Tiger Woods Releases New Adverts: In Pictures
TIGER Woods has endorsed all sorts of stuff in his role model role as Mr Squeaky Clean. Corporations love Tiger, no more so than the good folks at Accenture. As one of their ads says: “To accomplish more sometimes you need to see less – go on. Be a Tiger.” In another, investors learn: “The winners are those who act quickly, make the right decisions and execute them flawlessly.” Just like Tiger Woods. All Tiger’s ads are dipped in the vinegar of irony. What stunt knob shagging the porn star can now not be equipped with the caption: “I’m Tiger Woods”?
Posted: 9th, December 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment
St Trinian’s 2 – The Legend of Fritton’s Gold Premiere, In Pictures
PALOMA Faith is fast turning into Anorak’s celebrity mascot, arriving at all the dos to have her picture taken, give a cheeky looks over her shoulder and wear clothes that should come with a dimmer switch and a packet of Chewits. We couldn’t miss the international model of mystery as she arrived at the UK premiere of St Trinian’s 2 – The Legend of Fritton’s Gold (plot spoiler: suspenders and sauce in colour) at London’s Empire, Leicester Square. Also there were Sarah Harding, Tamsin Egerton, Talulah Riley, Gemma Arterton Kimberley Walsh, Nicola Roberts, both of Girls Aloud, Rupert Everett, Shingai Shoniwa of The Noisettes and big David Haye. The underwear in pictures:
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Posted: 9th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
In Pictures: Sophia Hyatt, Sarah Jessica Parker And Hugh Grant At The Morgans Premiere
LAST night Anorak was standing by minding Old Mr Anorak’s sedan in Soho, when we spotted Sam Elliott, Hugh Grant, Sarah Jessica Parker and Marc Lawrence at the gala premiere of Did You Hear About the Morgans? at the Odeon, Leicester Square. Also there was Liz Hurley, who achieved a career based on wearing a safety to a showbiz do. Noel Reno adapted that theme by tying up holes with bits of yellow thread and wearing them. But the pick of the bunch was Sophia Hyatt a TV actress who seems top be a perpetual audition for a role in Footballers’ Wives. Did she steal the show? Is her outfit a sign of things to come when oil runs out and our walk-in wardrobes are plunged into darkness? And is Old Mr Anorak about to see Ms Hyatt and make a terrible faux pas on the red carpet… The pictures:
Posted: 9th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
OK! Does The Porn Mag Bundle: Coleen Rooney’s Christmas Shopping Party At Cricket
IN OK! celebrity porn – Coleen Rooney talks babies and fat; Alex Curran licks her plate; diamond-encrusted nails do nappies and Cricket boutique celebrates Christmas shopping…
THIS week’s OK! magazine comes in a pack of four. There are “FOUR GREAT MAGS FOR ONLY £2.95”. The effect is like those bundled porn magazines on the top shelf at the newsagent’s, whereby porn publishers stuff a load of old, recycled filth in a cellophane wrapper and advertise loadsa mags for a fiver.
Incidentally, Richard Desmond, owner of OK! magazine, also broadcasts porn on the telly and the web. How long before he slips OK! into a back copy of his former OK! stable mate Asian Babes or the Red Hot TV guide to stave off buyers’ embarrassment?
In this week’s OK!, you can see Coleen Rooney and Alex Curran on the cover and learn “HOW I LOST TWO STONE IN FOUR WEEKS”!.
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Posted: 8th, December 2009 | In: Key Posts, OK! | Comment (1)
Meredith Kercher: Amanda Knox Fights, America Slanders Italy And The Book
MEREDITH Kercher is now the subject of a heated media debate (case in pictures here – Knox here). Amanda Knox (American), Raffaele Sollecito (Italian) and Rudy Guede (Ivorian) guilt of her murder. There is chatter of murderer Knox being the victim (really) of anti-American bias. Anorak rounds-up the news and views:
Meet The Kerchers
Daily Mirror: “Anti-American bias accusations branded “ludicrous” by Meredith Kercher’s father”- John Kercher:
“The Americans seem completely ignorant to the fact that there was a mass of evidence other than the DNA. I don’t blame them because they are going on what they have seen and read. But it is upsetting for my family to hear these things. I believe the verdict was based entirely on the evidence and not any media attention around Amanda Knox. The jury saw Knox and Sollecito as a pair, it wasn’t all about her. We have no reason to doubt the Italian legal system.”
Yankee Stay In Prison
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Posted: 8th, December 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (26)
Tiger Woods: Holly Sampson’s Career In Pictures, Golf Porn Film And Elin Walks
TIGER Woods’ bid to build a crazy golf course moves on with the Holly Sampson hole (her photos here).
Sampson is the child actress who turned to porn and golfers, allegedly, as a way to get into waitressing and meet the likes of Jamiee Grubbs and all the other serving staff being linked to Tiger.
Sampson has come a long way since she co-starred with Fred Savage in the Wonder Years episode “The Summer Song” in 1989, where she played his holiday love interest.
Summers went on to star in an episode My Two Dads (not porn) and Matlock before appearing in a film called Pump Up The Volume (also not porn).
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Posted: 8th, December 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment (1)
Tiger Woods: Naked Golf In Golf Digest With Barack Obama And Bill Clinton’s 19th Hole
TIGER Woods: That’s naked golfer Tiger Woods on the cover of Golf Digest magazine. (See all Tiger’s women here.) He’s holding a huge stick with a flag on the end to attract women with. He’s looking over Barack Obama’s shoulder. What they are looking at, we will investigate later in the images hereunder, for now we look inside the January 2010 edition of Golf Digest magazine.
The cover promises “10 Tips Obama Can Take from Tiger.” Obama and Woods are “two men [who] might have much to talk about, like siblings separated at birth”.
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Posted: 7th, December 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (5)
X Factor: Danyl Johnson Is Out, Cheryl Cole Must Be Pleased
X FACTOR: It’s the X Factor semi-final, featuring nice Joe McElderry, twitchy Olly Murs, gasping Stacey Solomon and Cheryl Cole-inspired hate figure Danyl Johnson.
Which act is the least average? It’s going to be very close. Before the result, Lady Gaga sings Bad Romance in the manner of an aged Madonna gingerly getting out the bath.
Janet Jackson does some trademarked Michael Jackson moves and sings something familiar-ish. Dermot O’Leary does not interview her, so no need to mention Michael Jackson.
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Posted: 6th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (16)
Tiger Woods: After Grubbs, Uchitel, Moquin And Jungers Meet Mindy Lawton
TIGER Woods and the women – those linked to the golfer – now numbers a back nine. Meet Mindy Lawton. After Jaimee Grubbs, Kalika Moquin, Jamie Jungers and Rachel Uchitel – who didn’t sleep with Woods but is, reportedly in line for a huge pay out to make up for being cruelly overlooked – here’s Mindy Lawton claiming a “year-long affair” with the golfer.
Mindy is billed as a “waitress”. Woods seems to have thing for waitresses. Here’s the tip jar. Give generously. Mindy Lawton says Woods breakfasts on “white egg omelette with broccoli and orange juice.” Put a tiger in your tank with a real man’s breakfast.
Mindy Lawton is pictured wearing red dress and narrowing her eyes to the camera. The desired effect, one imagines, is to make her look like a femme fatale. It fails. Mindy Lawton looks more like Little Mo Slater after a heavy night. And she says:
“Sometimes I looked like a rag doll after we’d made love. He really did like it quite rough.”
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Posted: 6th, December 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment (1)
The Murder Of Meredith Kercher By Amanda Knox And Raffaele Sollecito: In Pictures
FORMER lovers Amanda Knox and Raffaele Sollecito are found guilty of the murder of Leeds University student Meredith Kercher in Perugia, Italy. Knox, 22, and Sollecito, 25, killed 21-year-old Miss Kercher in what began as an extreme sex game and ended with Sollecito holding her down while Knox cut her throat with a six-inch kitchen knife. They were aided small-time drug dealer Rudy Guede, 22, who was jailed for murder and sexual violence last October for 30 years.
The lawyer for Meredith’s family says: “They got the justice they were expecting. We got what we were hoping for.”
Knox’s aunt Janet Huff said: “We’ve got two innocent kids being put away for a crime they didn’t commit.”
The pictures of the case follow:
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Amanda Knox, right, listens to her lawyer Maria Del Grosso, at the Perugia court, Italy, Saturday, May 21, 2011. A tearful Amanda Knox said Saturday that being in prison is "very frustrating and mentally exhausting" as the American student convicted of murdering her roommate insisted she is innocent and does not want to spend the rest of her life behind bars. Knox was emotional as she briefly addressed the appeals court in Perugia at the end of the session, her voice breaking at times and her eyes tearing up. She was convicted in 2009 of sexually assaulting and murdering Meredith Kercher of Britain, and sentenced to 26 years in prison. (AP Photo/Stefano Medici)
Posted: 6th, December 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (42)
X Factor: Comatose Joe McElderry, Danyl Johnson Kills Polar Bears And Olly Murs Itches, Literally
X Factor: Joe McElderry makes us think, Danyl Johnson kills polar bears, Olly Murs twitches the itches and Stacey Solomon gets religious. Those performances, in order:
Olly Murs – Can You Feel It?
Olly is dressed like he’s off to the cricket club dinner. He signs a song in which the backing signers ask “Can you Feel It?” over and over and over while Olly fingers his white suit. He then dances like a pair of chicken drummers strapped to a cross trainer. He’s the worst of the night, and he’s only first up.
Joe McElderry – She’s Out Of My Life
Joe is dull. He looks neat. He sings neat. He dances neat. Even his teeth and hair are neat. Joe is a shoo-in to play the lead in Joseph And his Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat. Dull.
Stacey Solomon – The Way You Make Me Feel
Stacey is likeable. She wears a hat indoors. People who wear a hat indoors are either deeply religious or ready to kill someone. Stacey might be both. She straddled the furniture on stage and looked pretty good.
Danyl Johnson – Man In The Mirror
This paean to vanity is chosen by Simon Cowell. Behind Danyl there are polar bears sat on small lumps of ice as if they’re trying to melt it with their body heat. Vote for Danyl and a polar bear dies. Vote now and vote often. Polar bears are bad news.
Olly – We Can Work It Out
Olly Murs moves like someone’s poured itching powder in his knickers. The song is bouncy and forgettable. Olly is in trouble. But he does give hope that if he wins any dad can dance like a popstar – so long as that popstar is Olly Murs.
Joe – Open Arms
He sings Open Arms, as sung by Journey. As Joe sings, Anorak starts thinking of those polar bears and if they know that there are now more popular in the media than panda bears. Do polar bears gloat at the big bear get-togethers? Then I come round and Joe has finished singing.
Stacey – Somewhere
Best of the night. Stacey is allowed to mention her son. She’s through.
Danyl – I Have Nothing
Danyl through.
Stacey Though.
Joe through.
Olly out…
Posted: 5th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (9)
Tiger Woods: After Grubbs, Uchitel and Moquin Meet Jamie Jungers
AFTER Jaimee Grubbs, Rachel Uchitel (denies affair but Woods is reported to be paying her at least $1m to stay quiet)) and Kalika Moquin prepare to meet alleged Tiger Woods conquest Jamie Jungers. Yes, that’s right. FOUR!
And all the golf birdies have great names, as if taken from a paperback guide to waitressing. You need the name before you can make it as a waitress. Use the tip jar, Mr Woods.
Radar reports that “at least two other women are close to making deals with various media outlets to reveal their sexual relationships with the golfing great.”
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Posted: 5th, December 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment (1)
Jeremy Kyle Does The Nativity: Joseph And Virgin Mary Are On The Show
JESUS Christ’s mum and dad, Mary and Joseph, are on the Jeremy Kyle show…
WHEN baby Jesus Christ was born, his mum and dad were living in a barn. Mum Mary gave birth with no drugs and surrounded by filthy animals.
But the story took a twist when after a 19-hour labour, father Joseph realised that his wife was a virgin.
She says the father is an angel called Gabriel who never had intercourse with her. Joseph says he can’t accept Jesus as his own until he has a DNA test. Welcome, Mary on the show.
Jeremy Kyle: Mary, tells us in your own words, what happened.
Mary: (Whispers). It’s Virgin Mary Cohen, actually.
JK: You’re a virgin? You’ve never had sex with your husband?
Mary: My name is Virgin Mary…
JK: (Turns to audience with a smirk on his lips and eyebrows raised.)” It get gets better and better. So who’s this Gabriel?
Mary: An angel.
Audience. Laughs.
JK: So why didn’t you marry him if he’s so ruddy terrific.
Mary: He left me when the baby was born.
JK: This so-called man who you call an angel walked out on you, and Joseph stayed to look after his kid? Let’s get Joseph on the show, laydees and gentalmeen.
Joseph appears.
JK: Did you know she was still a virgin, my friend?
Joseph Goldberg: First I’ve heard about it. This is what she does. She paints herself like butter wouldn’t melt but the truth is different. It’s like she’s two different people.
JK: So you want the DNA test…
Joseph: I’ve come here for closure. I love the little lad to bits but if he’s not mine I’ll be gutted. He can still call me Daddy Joe, if he likes. He can be Daddy Gabriel.
Audience: Aaah.
JK: Shall we get Gabriel out.
Audience: Yes!
Gabriel appears in silhouette.
JK: Gabriel doesn’t want to appear on the show, laydees and gentlemeen, he says, and I quote, “My glorious presence would knock you bandy and render you speechless.”
Audience: Laughs.
JK is handed an envelope. So here are those all important DNA results. Joseph, you are NOT the baby’s father. Joseph places his head in his hands an sobs. Virgin Mary crosses her legs. Gabriel says nothing.
JK: Goes behind he screen. So what have you to say for yourself? Where have you been when the baby needed changing and cried at 2 o’clock in the morning? Be a man. Time to be a man, my friend.
JK to camera:
Next up we meet a man who says his burning bush was a result of divine intervention and not a one-night stand in Ibiza. We’re back in three….
Inspired by TDW
Posted: 5th, December 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment
