Key Posts Category
Katie Price Threatens To Knife Daily Star Journalist
KATIE Price, aka Jordan, dressed in a tinfoil bikini and a straw cowboy hat full of holes, is illustrating the Star’s front-page screamer that she did threaten to knife a Daily Star journalist:
“JORDAN’S THREAT TO KNIFE ANDRE GIRL.”
It’s a story echoed by the Mirror’s front cover:
“JORDAN: I’LL CUT YOU UP.”
If anyone knows about being cut up it’s Jordan. Jordan won’t so much slice you as whittle you into something more like her. Scalpel! Pelican knife! Plane!
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 18th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)
Five More Reasons Why Katie Price And Peter Andre Split Up
FIVE more possible reasons why Peter Andre and Katie Price split up.
Now to send us boast cards from foreign climes, they’ll need two cameras crews. It’s gonna be tough.
But why did they split up? A poll of the Anorak typing pool throws up five possibilities:
1. They never became a one-name brand
2. They ran out of sexual positions
3. It’s what Jade Goody would have wanted
4. They no longer deserved each other
5. So they can fall in love all over again, renew their wedding (for the third time) and their vows
After that, there was too much wailing and weeping to go on. But for the kids, we must…
Posted: 17th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s Supporters’ Rally Was Photoshopped
MAHMOUD Ahmadinejad’s supporters’ rally was photoshopped. Those thousands were less than they seemed.
And he’s only got one missile: Iran Missile Photoshop Contest
These images are all too real: Obama Turns ABC Into Pravda.
Now for a recount – pass the photcopier…
Posted: 17th, June 2009 | In: Key Posts, Photojournalism, Politicians | Comment (1)
Tatooist Pays For Half Kimberley Vlaeminck’s Laser Removal
GREAT news in the life of Kimberley Vlaeminck is that the owner of the Ye Olde Tattoo Parlour of Rest says he will fund the cost for the removal of half of the tattoos etched onto the young girl’s cosmic face.
That’s him in the picture. He once fell asleep for a week and later set up Narcoleptics For Tattooing, a think tank.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 17th, June 2009 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comments (18)
Katie Price Tells All About Her New Man, Drugs And Biscuits
DID you know that Jordan has been “On anti-depressants all my married life”?
So says the OK! cover. Or as the Daily Star puts it:
“I had to take drugs to survive marriage to Pete.”
So did the drugs run out? And what drugs were they?
On page 128 of OK!, readers hear from Katie:
“I’ve been reading in the press about poor, tortured Katie Price, but I’m doing fine. And I’m certainly not nibbling on biscuits…”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 17th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)
Victoria Beckham Leaves Her WAG Boobs Behind Her
WHAT happens to a WAG after her husband or lover retires from football? That question to you, Victoria Beckham.
Vicky is more do than talk and has reduced what the Sun estimates to be her “Double D boobs” to a less WAGular 34 B(eckham)
Posh, 35, felt her mega chest didn’t fit in with her new role as an upmarket fashion designer and mum of three.
Whoahh! How long has showbiz reporter Richard White been in frontline leering? Posh’s chests were never “mega”, not unless they were megabits, and Day-vid was talking in rhyming slang.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 17th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (8)
Obama Turns ABC Into Pravda
BARACK Obama has so won over the media that he now owns the media. ABC is now Pravda:
:ABC TURNS PROGRAMMING OVER TO OBAMA; NEWS TO BE ANCHORED FROM INSIDE WHITE HOUSE. “On the night of June 24, the media and government become one, when ABC turns its programming over to President Obama and White House officials to push government run health care — a move that has ignited an ethical firestorm!”
Hey, I know. Let’s give the Bush White House a few hours on ABC to make a complete presentation from policy advisers and military personnel to go through the run up, execution and corrections regarding the Iraq War. And explain why bringing modernity to the Middle-east actually is a part of the war against terrorism. The media always likes to get behind a war effort, anyway. Oops, sorry, too late for that. Bet they wish they had thought of it then.
Via Instapundit, and Bolt.
Tim Blair looks at Obama’s Pravda London bureau:
Guardian swoonage over Obama’s confrontational force:
The Obama administration is poised for its most forceful confrontation with the American public on the sweeping and life-altering consequences of a failure to act on global warming with the release today of a long-awaited scientific report on climate change.
This administration forcefully confronts Americans but kisses up to those who would destroy America.
On the BBC – Barack Broadcasting Collective – news not that a weak Obama is refusing to back the moderates who would overthrow Ahmadinejad, rather:
US President Barack Obama is resisting pressure to side with Iran’s opposition as mass protests continue over the nation’s disputed presidential poll.
As he says:
“It is not productive, given the history of US and Iranian relations to be seen as meddling in Iranian elections,” he said.
Or as they put it:
The pinning of blame for Iran’s post-election turmoil on malign foreign enemies is already under way among so-called principalist, conservative factions. The pro-Ahmadinejad Keyhan newspaper today denounced plots by “politically bankrupt dictators” to thwart the popular will. ”The hopes of the imperialist triangle (America, UK and the Zionist regime) for a crawling coup d’etat in the Middle East and revival of the dead Middle East plan have been dashed,” it declared.
Time to pick sides…
Posted: 17th, June 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comment (1)
Big Brother Bullying Makes Us Cry
CONGRATULATIONS to all of you who chose Week 3 in the Big Brother Bullying Sweepstake.
The Sun brings news that Sree is a victim of housemates’ bullying.
Sree is the one draped over Noirin like a wet flannel. Noirin, who like Sree, Rodrigo, Angel and Cairon has been imported to make up for an alarming shortfall in British wannabes (we are all celebs now, darling), may be the first person to suffocate a housemate live on British telly.
As for the bullying…
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 17th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Tattooist Inks 56 Stars On Girl’s Sleeping Face
KIMBERLEY Vlaeminck, age 18, from Kortrijk is at the tattoo parlour in Belgium. She wants three stars on her face. Says she:
“I had asked fior three sparklers, but that crazy person put 56 on my face! See me sitting here now: I am ugly. Even mutilated!”
Problems began when the tattooist spoke only in French. Kimberley speaks Dutch and a little English.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 17th, June 2009 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comments (6)
I’m A Celebrity Janice Dickinson Takes A Dump
HAVING endured the I’m A Celebrity Jungle in 2007, Janice Dickinson is now doing it in the American version.
Dickinson is an I’m A Celebrity vet. And talking of vets, if Janice were an animal she’d be in need of a vet to grease up the arm and dive in elbow deep. Janice is constipated.
This may be Janice’s preferred condition, it giving her that facial expression. But Janice wants it out. As Jezebel reports, Janice has not laid a super-model-size poo for seven days.
This means she is, possibly, heavier than her normal weight by at least a gram.
But shit will out. And if won’t come out via the Dickinson clutch bag, then it will find a new escape route…
Enjoy this exchange – and afterwards, wash your hands:
Posted: 16th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Lindsay Lohan Questioned By Police Over Missing Jewellery
THE Celebrity Police Force is on the trail of Lindsay Lohan. Lohan is to be questioned in connection with the disappearance of £30,000 worth of jewellery from a shoot she did for Elle magazine.
Lohan was allegedly “taken back” by the jewellery.
Says a source:
“She kept going on about the jewels asking if she could have them. We all thought she was joking!”
The CPF are on the case. The British police always get photographed with their celebrity, and Lohan is a prized picture.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 15th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Politics And Alcohol Part One
Politics And Alcohol Part One:
“ME. Churchill enjoys a drink,” remarked the great statesman’s former private secretary in Life magazine.
“At home or on travel, at work or on holiday, Churchill drinks a glass of dry sherry at mid-morning and a small bottle of claret or Burgundy at lunch. To Mr. Churchill a meal without wine is not a meal at all. When he is in England he sometimes takes port after lunch, and always after dinner. It is
at this time that his conversation is most brilliant. In the late afternoon he calls for his first whisky and soda of the day…. He likes a bottle of champagne at dinner. After the ritual port, he sips the very finest Napoleon brandy. He may have a highball in the course of the evening.”
Churchill drank heavily throughout his not unsuccessful career. It is said that Conservative bigwig Rab Butler used to pour his own drinks into his shoe to keep up.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 15th, June 2009 | In: Flashback, Key Posts, Politicians | Comment (1)
Cristiano Ronaldo Sips His Cocktail
SO reduced in potency is the Premier League that Cristiano Ronaldo continues to be the lead off-season player.
The Portuguese footballer who plays for Real Madrid is all over the Sun like pair of Speedos on a middle-aged Italian lifeguard.
Today, the Sun spots Ronaldo enjoying “a weekend on the lash in Las Vegas with a bevy of beauties”.
Read the rest of this entry »
Madeleine McCann Lost In Hewlett’s No Alibi Alibi
MADELEINE McCann Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at Madeleine McCann in the news – Raymond Hewlett speaks out for the “first time” – again.
Yesterday Simon Wright told Daily Mirror readers that Raymond Hewlett, “””””Maddie perve”””””” (ask the lawyers if that’s enough inverted commas, ed?) has spoken “for the first time”.
Said Hewlett:
“I have an alibi but why should I share it?” he says, struggling for air with each syllable. There is a person who can say where I was that day, but why should I bring them into this? I’ve done nothing wrong. Why should I have to prove it? “My life’s been made a misery for something I know nothing about and a crime I’ve not committed.”
Now, Simon Wright brings Mirror readers:
Madeleine McCann suspect Raymond Hewlett admits he doesn’t have an alibi for night she disappeared
It’s an “Exclusive from Simon Wright in Aachen, Germany”.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 15th, June 2009 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews | Comments (15)
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s Acceptance Speech In Full
UNRESTRAINED by a need to be credible, the novelist or tabloid hack can only envy Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and wonder where the story will next turn.
Ahmadinejad has now addressed the crowd and the mob and explained that things are as they because that is how they are meant to be.
Says he:
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 15th, June 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comment
Jimmy Carter Haw Haws Ahmadinejad
JIMMY Carter is Haw-Hawing Mahmoud Ahmadinejad:
“I think this election has bought out a lot of opposition to his policies in Iran, and I’m sure he’ll listen to those opinions and hopefully moderate his position.”
1. It is claimed that Ahmadinejad won the city of Tabriz with 57%. His main opponent, Mir Hossein Mousavi, is an Azeri from Azerbaijan province, of which Tabriz is the capital. Mousavi, according to such polls as exist in Iran and widespread anecdotal evidence, did better in cities and is popular in Azerbaijan. Certainly, his rallies there were very well attended. So for an Azeri urban center to go so heavily for Ahmadinejad just makes no sense. In past elections, Azeris voted disproportionately for even minor presidential candidates who hailed from that province.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 14th, June 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comments (8)
Madeleine McCann: Raymond Hewlett Tells All
MADELEINE McCann Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at Madeleine McCann in the news – Raymond Hewlett speaks out.
In the Mirror, Simon Wright brings us:
MADELEINE: KEY SUSPECT TALKS FOR FIRST TIME
Well, not exactly. Maddie spotter Raymond Hewlett, for it is he, has spoken frankly with Bild and briefly with the Sun.
Wright delivers the chat in bullet points:
Yes I’m a convicted paedophile
Yes I lived near Praia Da Luz
Yes I look like police drawing
Which means..?
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 14th, June 2009 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews | Comments (12)
Ahmadinejad Voted For Mousavi And Iran Twinned With Chicago
MAHMOUD Ahmadinejad is President of Iran and all the Irans. The press goes bonkers. It’s a fix, right? Right? Right!
So fair is Ahmadinejad that even he voted For Mousavi.
But do not panic – Iran is to be twinned with Chicago. See, we’re not all that different.
Iran’s ex-Foreign Minister in an interview with The Nation’s Robert Dreyfuss:
A coup d’etat? They’ve already made one! They’ve created a dictatorship, in fact. Do you know that last night the security forces occupied the offices of many newspapers, to make sure that their reporting on the election was favorable? They changed many headlines.
They fixed the election.
The Guards are taking over everything, including many economic institutions. The ministry of the interior is increasing its control in all the provinces.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 13th, June 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comments (3)
Abramovich Unveils Chelsea’s New Football Ground
ROMAN Abramovich has unveiled Chelsea’s new football ground.
To facilitate the global nature of the game, Chelsea will play aboard the Eclipse, a £300m, 557-long floating stadium.
The eclipse comes with a missile-detection system, and boasts parking for two helipads, a luxury spa and a swimming pool.
Read the rest of this entry »
Banksy’s First Show: Gallery
THE urban artist Banksy is hosting his first show in Bristol. The gallery follows:
Posted: 12th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Photojournalism | Comment
Cristiano Ronaldo Introduces The Top Ten Goals Of All Time
CRISTIANO Ronaldo is off to Real Madrid. Time, then, for Anorak to look at why Ronaldo is worth the money in our Top Ten Greatest Goals of All Time.
With a few exceptions – as you will see hereunder – great goals are scored by great players. And Ronaldo promises to bring great goals to Real Madrid.
No Ronaldo on our list… Well, not yet.
Here follows Anorak’s Top Ten:
Pictures Of Paris Hilton’s Date With Cristiano Ronaldo
HOW does Cristiano Ronaldo celebrate being worth £80m. Why, by jetting to Los Angeles and snuggling up with Paris Hilton.
Indeed, dear reader, you head to LA after when you’re done at Real Madrid not when you’re about to start.
The Sun’s Pete Samson says:
RONALDO celebrates his £80million transfer by sharing a raunchy night with PARIS HILTON.
For Manchester United footballers “raunchy” means a few slappers and a gang bang, allegedly. But for an ex-player raunchy means sitting on a banquet at a club being whispered to by a socialite strumpet. Sober times ahead for Ronaldo.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 12th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)
Killer James W Von Brunn On Obama The Jew
WITH so much spouting about Obama the Muslim, Obama the Christian, Obama The One, Holocaust Museum murderer James W Von Brunn opens the floor in the nuthouse debating team to say that Obama is a Jew.
“We’ve been tracking this guy for decades,” said Heidi Beirich, director of research for the Southern Poverty Law Center’s Intelligence Project, which tracks hate crimes. “He thinks the Jews control the Federal Reserve, the banking system, that basically all Jews are evil,” she said. “He’s an extreme anti-Semite.”
FBI agents found a notebook in James W Von Brunn’s car in which the words opine:
You want my weapons—this is how you’ll get them. The Holocaust is a lie. Obama was created by Jews. Obama does what his Jew owners tell him to do. Jews captured America’s money. Jews control the mass media. The 1st Amendment is abrogated—henceforth. See: holywesternempire.org.
No, it’s not Jeremiah Wright, the pastor, it’s right-wing nutter Von Brunn, not a left-wing, well, nutter. Jeez – the left and right are so very similar:
Virginia’s Daily Press yesterday (audio clip above): Them Jews ain’t going to let him talk to me ….
The whole case against Von Brunn is detailed hereunder:
Posted: 11th, June 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (6)
Holocaust Museum Killer Von Brunn ‘Raised Funds’ For BNP
HOLOCAUST museum shootist James W. von Brunn is linked to the BNP in a Washington Post article.
Read the case against him here.
Todd Blodgett, a former Reagan White House aide who later worked with several extremist groups, met regularly with von Brunn in the 1990s and early 2000s.
“Von Brunn is obsessed with Jewish people,” Blodgett said. “He had equal contempt for both Jews and blacks, but if he had to pick one group to wipe out, he’d always say it would be Jews.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 11th, June 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comments (49)
The Five Greatest Things About Cristiano Ronaldo
The Five Greatest Things About Cristiano Ronaldo –
SO farewell, Cristiano Ronaldo, you came, you were seen, you stepped over, you stepped over again, you stepped over three more times as if auditioning for the cha-cha-cha in Strictly Come Dancing.
You were ever the celebrity made footballer. And now BBC light entertainment recedes as you head to Spain.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 11th, June 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (3)
