Dolphins Protect Boats From Somali Pirates

HAVING invested heavily in the Pirate Scheme to save the world’s economy, how typical that the dolphins should ruin it.

As the headline says:

Thousands of dolphins block Somali pirates

Pirates have deployed rocket-propelled grenades and automatic weapons to attack another US merchant ship off the coast of Somalia, says reports. Show me the money!

But:

THOUSANDS of dolphins blocked the suspected Somali pirate ships when they were trying to attack Chinese merchant ships passing the Gulf of Aden.

China Radio International reported the Chinese merchant ships escorted by a China’s fleet sailed on the Gulf of Aden when they met some suspected pirate ships. Thousands of dolphins suddenly leaped out of water between pirates and merchants when the pirate ships headed for the China’s.

Piracy, not privacy, stoopid (via Tim Blair):

The suspected pirates ships stopped and then turned away. The pirates could only lament their littleness before the vast number of dolphins. The spectacular scene continued for a while.

Send for the Japanese!

Anorak

Posted: 15th, April 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (5)

Pictures: Susan Boyle Naked

WE’RE all going crazy for Susan Boyle, the woman who showed Saturday night telly watchers that you don’t need to show your false chest, wood-stained skin and G-string to get on telly, but can keep it all under wraps, like Susan Boyle did.

Susan is in interview, and has this to say:

“Modern society is too quick to judge people on their appearances. There is not much you can do about it; it is the way they think; it is the way they are. But maybe this could teach them a lesson, or set an example.”

See her performance here.

Anorak

Posted: 15th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (19)

Pictures: Jenna Jameson Gives Birth

FORMER porn star Jenna Jameson “Says 500 Sit Ups a Day Helped With Giving Birth”.

Jenna has twin boys called Jesse Jameson and Journey Jette. If her’s was an orgasmic birth, the good thing was that it didn’t matter which came first because Jenna could just blurt out J-J and everyone was happy.

Anorak

Posted: 14th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)

Tree Grows In Man’s Lung

IN a hospital in the city of Izhevsk in Central Russia, Komsomolskaya Pravda daily spots one Artyom Sidorkin, 28, having a growing tree removed from his lung.

The five-centimeter long fir tree was removed after Sidorkin complained of a pain in his chest.

Anorak

Posted: 14th, April 2009 | In: Key Posts, Photojournalism, Strange But True | Comments (7)

Mel Gibson’s Wife Robyn Files For Divorce

MEL Gibson’s wife, Robyn, has filed for divorce. Can this be the Mel Gibson who gave the world The Passion? Why the divorce from Mel Gibson who told us:

The Holy Ghost was working through me on this film, and I was just direction traffic.

And:

Obviously, nobody wants to touch something filmed in two dead languages. They think I`m crazy, and maybe I am. But maybe I`m a genius.

Yeah, maybe. But best of all:

My dad taught me my faith, and I believe what he taught me. The man never lied to me in his life.

Anorak

Posted: 13th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Madeleine McCann Spotted at Aston Villa Versus Everton

A LINK between Claudia Lawrence and Madeleine McCann has been established by the Archbishop of York and the whole thing linked to the Premier League:

The Archbishop writes his sermons with Google key words in mind:

“Football has come a long way since members of the Aston Villa Church Bible Class formed a football team in 1874 and the members of St Domingo’s Bible Class started playing football at Stanley Park in 1884.

“But when Villa take on Everton this afternoon for the riches of European glory, they would do well to recall the faith of their founders and to abandon the amnesia of their heritage.”

Anorak

Posted: 13th, April 2009 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews | Comments (13)

Revealed: The Emails That Did For ‘Brilliant’ Damian McBride

ANORAK has seen the emails telling of a Damian McBride’s plot to smear the Tories.

The damning verdict on Damian McBride is that the papers that lead with news of his departure refer to him not by name – “Key Brown side” (Observer; Sunday Times), “Attack Dog” (Mail) and “Key Brown advisor”.

The name is Damian McBride. And now he’s gone, we know who he is. The BBC publishes McBride’s resignation statement in full:

“I am shocked and appalled that, however they were obtained, these e-mails have been put into the public domain by Paul Staines.”

Anorak readers are well-versed in such apologies. And here McBride is quickly establishing a sympathetic background story.

When Derek Draper originally suggested using a website to compete with the kind of material seen regularly on the Guido Fawkes blog, he asked me in a personal capacity to write up some of the stories doing the rounds in Westminster.

Anorak

Posted: 12th, April 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comments (13)

Polar Bear Attacks Woman In Berlin (Video)

WHEN Anorak learnt that a polar bear had attacked a woman in Berlin, we thought of Knut stood atop the Brandenburg Gate, roaring with triumph as he stuck Lily Allen’s hair on his head

When we read that Knut was meeting with his therapist at the time, we thought of another nut – the woman who dived into the polar bear enclosure at Berlin Zoo.

Anorak

Posted: 11th, April 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (18)

Ian Tomlinson Is Related To Jade Goody

IAN Tomlinson is now the subject of heated debate. He did not die in vain – his death is, very possibly, earning jobbing hacks more money than he earned in a lifetime as they fill space with opinions on how an innocent man was beaten up byu the polcie and then dropped dead not long after.

A smiling Amanda Platell sees it her job to tell Mail readers:

There is no way that I can defend the masked police officer caught on video striking a man on the back of his legs with a steel baton and then shoving him so hard that he fell to the ground. The man subsequently died of a heart attack.

Anorak

Posted: 11th, April 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (17)

How Jade Goody Beat The Taliban

JADE Goody: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at Jade Goody’s post-reality career, as Our Jade beats the Taliban!

To Sky News:

“Breaking news, the Taliban have just claimed responsibility for the US immigration centre attack, but we’ll be returning to our top story, Jade Goody’s funeral, in a second.”

Anorak

Posted: 10th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)

Jade Goody To Open Restaurant

WHAT will Jack Tweed do now Jade Goody has gone? There’s the golf. The football. The fairground – can you become a professional fairground rider? And there’s prison.

But the Daily Mirror has another idea:

“Jack Tweed wants to open a restaurant in honour of Jade Goody.”

Grieving Jack Tweed wants to open a high-class restaurant and name it in Jade Goody’s honour.

Anorak

Posted: 10th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (6)

Believing In The Tony Blair Faith Foundation

BECAUSE religion is about accepting a higher power, Tony Blair has called his new organisation about religion and God the Tony Blair Faith Foundation.

As he says:

“In the end you accept there is a higher power than yourself and that is both something that should make you fearful, but something that also is a source of comfort.”

Anorak

Posted: 10th, April 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comments (3)

Madeleine McCann: Gerry McCann In Interview

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann…

The Daily Star bring the world the news : “THE TWINS NOW KNOW MADDIE WAS TAKEN.”

THE twin brother and sister of Madeleine McCann now know that she was taken away from them. And they still talk about her every day, says their dad Gerry.

Anorak

Posted: 10th, April 2009 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews | Comments (7)

Billy Bob Thornton Presents The Most Awkward Celebrity Interviews Ever

ANORAK brings you the Most AWakwards celebroty interviews ever.

In 1963, the Irish writer Desmond Leslie – enraged by a nasty review of his wife’s latest play – was able to infiltrate the audience of David Frost’s studio discussion show, march up to offending reviewer Bernard Levin and land a superb left hook on his nose in front of 11 million viewers.

“Just a minute Mr Levin, this will only take a minute,” Leslie had said with impeccable politeness before unleashing a blow described by The Times as “the most public punch since Sonny Liston took the heavyweight title from Floyd Patterson”.

Billy Bob said he was upset because Ghomeshi referred to his acting career in the introduction to the interview. He said he’d told the producer to focus on the band and not mention his acting.

Anorak

Posted: 9th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)

Pictures And Video Of G20 Ian Tomlinson Hit From Behind By Policeman

MR Ian Tomlinson died at the G20 protest in London. Mr Tomlinson died from natural causes, so says the post-mortem. Hours before Mr Tomlinson died, he was hit. He was hit from behind by a policeman’s baton. Hit on the legs. Mr Tomlinson had his hands in his pockets. He was pushed to the ground. From behind.

Anorak

Posted: 9th, April 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comments (19)

Seeking Men On Octomum’s TV Dating Show

PSST! Wanna data a mum of 14? Whoah! One at a time. Ok – forget it. There’s room for everyone in Octomum’s clown car gang bang.

Nadya Suleman’s romantic life is to be filmed for a reality show. In it, viewers will see Octomum try out a number of syringes – some long, some short, some green, some red, some slightly bent at the tip.

Anorak

Posted: 8th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)

Jade Goody To Appear In Big Brother 10

IT’S not been hard enough covering Jade Goody‘s post-reality career. But now the Star has news to thrill even the most jaded Goody watcher – Jade is to make a return to Big Brother.

TV medium Derek Acorah will not be channelling Jade. Oh no. Jade will be there in person. The Daily Star says so.

Daily Star: “Jade’s back in BB”

Anorak

Posted: 8th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)

Madeleine McCann Spotted In Italy

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann…

The competition is – as ever – Tabloid Bingo – the writer’s challenge to link Madeleine McCann with any major news event. Your caller toay is MIRIAM O’CALLAGHAN, of the Irish Times.

Irish Times: “An ogre of the Apennines called on L’Aquila”

Midst the ochre, azure, terracotta and mimosa, there are jagged black holes from which men, women and children are being pulled: barely alive, barely dead.

Anorak

Posted: 8th, April 2009 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews | Comments (7)

Barack Obama Is President Of Kickassistan

THE Righteous Retribution of Barack the Barbarian – Ann Coulter and Obama do battle:

Anorak

Posted: 7th, April 2009 | In: Key Posts, Photojournalism, Politicians | Comments (2)

Farrah Fawcett Salutes Jade Goody

BEEP! BEEP! Anorak’s CCN (Celebrity Cancer News) alerts us to Farah Fawcett’s anal cancer. Like JADE Goody…

Daily Mirror: “Like Jade Goody, Farrah decided to share her private battle by making a documentary, A Wing and a Prayer. It is likely to be her last appearance on camera.”

Examiner: “Unlike the late Jade Goody, a woman who chose to live the end of her life on a public stage, Fawcett has dealt with her illness pretty much out of the limelight.”

Anorak

Posted: 7th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (8)

Jade Goody’s Grave Robbers

JADE Goody: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at Jade Goody’s post-reality career, with grave robbers, Jade TV and awards…

Daily Star: “GRAVE ROBBERS TARGET JADE”

It’s what she would have wanted, right?

Ten Famous Shoplifters, With Jade Goody And Steven Gerrard

JADE Goody’s final resting place is being lined up as a target by robbers, her family believe.

Anorak

Posted: 7th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (9)

Home Office Website Links To Japanese Porn

VISITORS to the Home Office’s website can click on a link to a Japanese pornography site.

Can it be that Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has responded to the cost of Channel X and negotiated a discount, an affiliate deal, with an alternative porn supplier?

If so, the taxpayer should thank her.

Anorak

Posted: 6th, April 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comment

Madeleine McCann Cast In Portugal

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann…

Gerry McCann is in Portugal. Is Madeleine McCann?

Daily Mirror: “KATE: I’LL NEVER GO BACK TO PORTUGAL”

It’s the place where she last saw her daughter alive, but Kate McCann has declared she will never return to Praia da Luz.

So Kate McCann is not in Praia da Luz. The search continues for Madeleine McCann. And the Mirror is talking about… Kate McCann:

Heart surgeon Gerry was heckled by angry villagers who blame the youngster’s disappearance for job losses in the resort after a dip in visitors.

Anorak

Posted: 6th, April 2009 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews | Comments (30)

How To Get To Jade Goody’s Shrine

JADE Goody: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at Jade Goody’s post-reality career, with

Daily Star: “Jade’s secret shrine”

Old Mr Anorak would like readers to know that the shrine will not be dismantled after a suitable period of mourning – say, ten years – but in the Shrine Facility, alongside shrines to Our Maddy, Baby P, Princess Diana, Nike Baldwin, Cecil Rhodes and many more…

The Sun: “We don’t want her grave to be shrine”

Anorak

Posted: 6th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)

Jade Goody Funeral Fashion Show

JADE Goody: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at Jade Goody’s post-reality career, with funeral fashions, souvenir issues and sniffs…

Daily Mail:  Liz Jones is having an “I was there” moment…

Liz Joens is, of course, minder to The New Jade Goody.

“Jade’s funeral was a mecca of bling and chavdom… but also of hope and strength”

Anorak

Posted: 5th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (7)