BNP Thanks Poles For Making Them Popular With Spitfire Euro Election Tribute

REMEMBER the war? The BNP does, or at least it remembers bits of it. That picture is of the BNP’s poster for the 2009 European Elections.

“Battle for Britain,” bellows the legend. That’s a Spitfire soaring thought the skies, strafing the fascist scum. Hurrah!

Reach for the skies!

It’s a Romeo Foxtrot Delta Plane, as flown by Polish pilots in the great fight. Poles of the famous 303 Squadron of the RAF – the group made up of Polish airmen. The Kościuszko squadron that claimed 126 enemy kills (fascists) more than any other unit during the Battle of Britain.

Anorak

Posted: 4th, March 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comments (11)

Jade Goody’s OK! Wedding: Perez Hilton Dances, Jade Drinks Shots And A Mexican Wave

ONE week on from the Jade Goody wedding – moving through a court date, Nelson Mandela and the Beckhams’ largesse – and Jade and Jack are still married.

On the OK! cover, readers see Jade and Jack with their heads close together. A Glasgow kiss? No, just a lip smacker – Jade is a woman changed, moreover Jack, who has not been arrested for days.

Anorak

Posted: 4th, March 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)

Jade Goody Celebrity Cancer: Jade’s Thumbs, Jack Tweed’s Cabbie, Bobby Writes And Nasty Jade

JADE Goody celebrity cancer: Jade’s thumbs up, Jack Tweed’s guilt, Bobby writes and nasty Jade.

The Sun (front page): “Brave Jade’s pain as Jack faces jail”

“STAR IN NEW HEARTACHE”

More pain?

BRAVE Jade Goody gives a spirited thumbs-up yesterday — just before collapsing in tears when she learned her husband could be thrown back in prison.

Part-time model Jack, 21, also wept when he was convicted of gripping a cabbie in a headlock, threatening to stab him and yanking his handbrake at 50mph. He will be sentenced in three weeks. And it is possible he will be locked away when Jade, 27, dies.

Jade We Hate You.

Brave. Tears. Possible.

Last night Mr [Stephen] Wilkins [victim] said Jack deserved to be jailed “but not right now”. He added: “I’m glad he’ll be able to spend time with Jade.”

Anorak

Posted: 4th, March 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (14)

Winston Cigarette Man Alan Landers Dies From Cancer

We’ve heard of The Marlboro Man and Joe Camel, but never The Winston Man. But Alan Landers was apparently him, a male model who was the face of Winston cigarettes, appearing in magazine ads and on billboards in the Sixties and Seventies.

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, March 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (7)

Gordon Brown’s Churchill Slave Gift To Obama And Bush’s Booty: Update

GORDON Brown’s in Washington to instruct Barack Obama in the ways of the prudent world, featuring key modules in spotting good debt from bad debt, blaming the bankers and anything else before Mr Obama has to leave to attend to important matter like his office air conditioning.

Benedict Brogan is off, too:

Lots of attention is being paid to what the PM will give Barack Obama, ever since he sent the bust of Churchill back to the British embassy. He’s getting a hamper of gifts, in the hope that something will be worth putting on display in the Oval Office. To go with the Resolute desk there’s a pencil holder made of timber from HMS Gannet, along with the framed commission of HMS Resolute which the First Sea Lord found kicking around the Admiralty. No10 says Gannet and Resolute were sister ships. Gannet served briefly in the Med on anti-slavery patrol. But I wonder what Mr Obama will make of the fact that the only action it saw was in Sudan when it shelled rebels against the British empire.

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, March 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comments (4)

Sri Lanka Cricket Shooting In Pakistan: Imran Khan Explains Terrorists

IN Pakistan , the Sri Lankan cricket team are under fire. In Lahore for a Test against Pakistan, the visitors are being fired on.

Reports tell of 12 gunmen armed with heavy weapons strafing the Sri Lankan team bus with bullets as it drove to the Gadaffi stadium in Lahore.

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, March 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (14)

Jade Goody: Jack Attack, Sick Websites, Boiled Egg And Alain Bashung

JADE Goody Celebrity Cancer: Jack Attack, Sick Websites, Boiled Egg And Alain Bashung…

The Sun (front page): “HER DARKEST DAY”

• New op as cancer spreads
• Jack goes on trial for attack

Failing to add:

* Stacey gets off with someone else boyfriend on EastEnders
* England draw in Windies
* War in Afghanistan continues

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, March 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (19)

Gail Trimble Stripped

UNIVERSITY Challenge boffin Gail Trimble has been stripped. So says the Express.

No – ho-ho – she’s not taken the Nuts schilling. Trimble has been stripped of her title. Team Corpus Christ, of which she was the captain, cheated. Thr title is now housed within the red-bricks of Manchester University.

Team member Sam Kay was not a student, a fact given credence by his neatness of hair, presence of socks (matching), upright sitting and working at PriceWaterhouse Coopers at the time of the contest.

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, March 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (5)

The Ryanair Rules: Coin-Operated Oxygen And Mullah Seating

RYANAIR’S suggestion to turn its aircraft into flying urine and faeces themes craft for fetishists move on.

And while passengers try to force a euro coin in a pound coin slot on the toilet door, Anorak is met by a leaked draft document that lays out the carrier’s new rules.

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, March 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (5)

Sexpo Pole Dancer Sues For Broken Nose

A POLE dancer at Brisbane’s Sexpo claims she slipped and broke her nose in an erotic routine.

New Zealander Lisa Lewis is a self-titled “international star, exotic dancer and soft porn star”.

You may have seen her work, notably at the Brisbane Convention Centre and Sexpo Revue Lounge for the performing arts. Says she:

“I have video footage of a performance where their pole was dodgy and they insisted I use it on my second show (which) resulted in me breaking my nose. I started pole dancing 10 years ago at aged 17 and have never injured myself like this.”

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, March 2009 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comments (7)

Baby P’s Third Birthday Party Mourn Porn: RSVP The Sun

HAVING made a land grab for Baby P’s final resting place by planting a plaque amid the ashes, the Sun now sends James Clench to St Pancras & Islington Cemetery.

Beneath a shot of Clench holding a big candle, before the pile of teddies and flowers, the Sun tells readers:

“New shrine on date of tragic tot’s 3rd birthday.”

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, March 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (3)

Jade Goody Celebrity Cancer: Victoria Beckham Writes, Princess Diana Appears And Elton John Sings

JADE Goody Celebrity Cancer: Tears, Victoria Beckham Writes, Princess Diana Appears and Elton John Sings

The Sun: “GET ME OUR OF THIS PAIN”

The Sun has a “picture exclusive” of Jade holding an oxygen mask to her face while laying on a trolley.

This is:

“Jade’s agony in cancer op dash”

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, March 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (13)

NHS Norovirus Rub Cocktails And Other Staffordshire Anaesthetics

TO Staffordshire, where the local imbibers are making tinctures from the alcoholic hand gels (£10-a-litre; £1 a finger).

Two NHS hospitals in Staffordshire have removed the dispensers from their wards, and issued a Patient Safety Alert to hospitals and clinics across the country.

Anorak

Posted: 1st, March 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (5)

Nadya Suleman Is The Sarah Palin Two Womb Britney Spears Jolie Hybrid

NADYA Suleman, Octomum, she of the Octoclown face, and the Octowomb – eat your heart out two wombs Sarah Palin! – is now a bona fide celebrity.

She is Britney Spears. She is Angelina Jolie. She is Everymum.

Anorak

Posted: 1st, March 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (9)

Jade Goody A Reader Apology: Exclusive To All Newspapers

OLD MR ANORAK is just returned from JADE – Journalists Against Dangerous Essumptions [sic] – and would now like to present a joint statement on the matter of Jade Goody.

Over the past years, readers may have fallen into the trap of perceiving Jade Goody as a bigoted, thick, in-bred, lumpish mentally negligible, sub-human porcine peasant.

Anorak

Posted: 1st, March 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (44)

The Laws Of Gaming: Call Of Duty: World At War And The Geneva Convention

EVAN Spencer wants to play “Call of Duty: World at War” on his games machine.

Dad Hugh Spencer replies:

“I’ve never really enjoyed first-person shooter games. They’re just not my favourite aesthetic.”

Even Spencer is in trouble. Evan Spencer has a dad who says, “They’re just not my favourite aesthetic.”

Anorak

Posted: 28th, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment (1)

The Secrets Of Belly Button Fluff Discovered: Bluff Science

FOR years Dr Georg Steinhauser, of the Vienna University of Technology, has toiled at the coalface of science and now he can tell the world about a body hair that traps stray pieces of lint and pulls them into the navel.

Dr Steinhauser has studied 503 pieces of fluff from his own belly button.

Anorak

Posted: 28th, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment (1)

Ivan Cameron: A Good Day To Bury Jade Goody And Every Parent’s Worst Nightmare

IVAN Cameron has died. And the media searches for a story beyond the bald fact. And thanks to Gordon Brown’s suspension of PMQs, it has one.

Daily Telegraph: “One child’s death, however sad, should not close the Commons –
Charles Moore finds himself uneasy about the official response to the death of Ivan Cameron”

And to we have the story… Pass the yellow ribbons.

At Gordon Brown’s request, the House adjourned out of respect for Mr Cameron, suspending Prime Minister’s Questions. No one in Westminster wanted to question this out loud, but, in private, many were unhappy about it. I think they were right to be.

Anorak

Posted: 28th, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comment

Gail Trimble Naked: Clever Girls That Do It With Thatcher

WHILE the world was watching EastEnders. Gail Trimble was winning University Challenge single handed and so setting in motion a heated media debate: Is Gail pretty enough to be clever?

Jade Goody: A Healer, Sienna Miller, Gail Trimble And A Dumb Legacy

The Times position Ms Trimble alongside Carol Vorderman and Rachel Riley, two women clever and photogenic enough to be invited to appear repeatedly the telly. Can Trimble ever hope for such elevation? Or is her head ideally suited for being stuck in a book?

Sarah Ebner wonders: “Clever girls and clever boys: do people dislike Gail Trimble because she’s clever?”

A straw poll in Anorak Towers reveals the following responses the question:

Why do you hate Gail Trimble?:

45% – She drove Martin Platt to it and David’s an evil little sod.
23% – Pi to the power to 9.
15% – Pass.
9% – I hate all women.
5% – Gail?
4% – I was never any good at maths.

Sarah answers her question with a question:

If Gail was Graham, would there be any of this personal abuse, or extensive coverage?

Gail looks like a man? A cruel slight. She may be no Katie Boyle, but Gail is her own woman, and with the right spray tan, inflatings and skin peel she could make it onto QVC as a presenter, if she set her mind to it.

Or a presenter on Tabloid Bingo. Eyes down:

They don’t like Jade Goody because they think she’s “common”, they don’t like Kate Winslet (well, maybe they do at the moment) because she cries at awards ceremonies and they don’t like Gail Trimble, because she’s cleverer than them. It’s a bit like bullying: you just look for the thing that’s different and pick on that.

And write about it. At length. Nicholas Lezard muses:

The intellectual powerhouse that is Gail Trimble, captain of Corpus Christi’s all-conquering University Challenge team, has divided the nation like no other figure since Margaret Thatcher.

Or Jade Goody. Or Madeleine McCann. Or…Back to Ebner:

Personally I don’t think Miss Trimble should worry. She epitomises how clever girls are having a great time at the moment.

See Jade Goody.

Clever women are everywhere you look, from new Countdown presenter, Rachel Riley to musician turned TV presenter Myleene Klass.

Clever means being on the telly. The girls of Channel X meet at book group ever Friday between 1 and 2.

“My daughter’s favourite High School Musical character is Gabriella, the brainiest in the year, who wins the jock’s heart.”

And how more real than that do you want it?

In any case, Gail’s not all that clever. So she might have to rely on her looks. Nuts magazine has offered her a deal to get her lobes out.

Says Gail:

“My brother received a Facebook message from Nuts saying, ‘Can we have your sister’s email address, we want to do a tasteful shoot’.

Lezard pipes up:

Personally speaking, I like clever women, and were I 20 years younger I would be using all the cunning at my command to get her phone number and ask her out on a date.

But she’s not all that clever. No really. Not at all, if you think about it. In fact:

Trimble may be, almost certainly is, very clever. But the proof of it cannot be gauged by her excellence on University Challenge. What she has proved is that she has a huge fund of general knowledge, which she can summon up very quickly. But that doesn’t necessarily mean she’s clever.

But she can be on the telly, right? Penny Wark considers:

But what happens next? What becomes of TV quiz champions when they surface in the real world? Will their success become a motif of their life? Or will it eventually become insignificant?

All depends on the size of her tits, doesn’t it?

Anorak

Posted: 28th, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (16)

Jade Goody Celebrity Cancer: A Fight, A Row And Gail Trimble’s Quadruped Graminivorous

JADE Goody Celebrity Cancer: A Fight, A row and Gail Trimble.

The Sun (front page): “I’LL BE DEAD IN A MONTH”

“Jade’s cry to neighbour on way to hospice.”

There is a picture of Jade looking anguished as she boards a car.

A friend said: “Freddie and Bobby have been getting upset watching Jade deteriorating. She is concerned about the long-term mental effect it may have on them.”

Turn off the telly. Cancel the papers.

“She can’t bear the kids watching her dying in the family home. So she’s staying the weekend at the hospice to see how it goes.”

Anorak

Posted: 28th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (20)

Scare Stories: The Radioactive Paedophile And Drinking Prince Harry’s Urine

SCARE Stories: Anorak’s daily look at horror stories making news – radioactive peadophile, drinking Prince Harry’s urine Kredit Krunch Nazis

“Radioactive paedophile on the run’” – The Sun

The greatest scare story of all time? Paedos that glow in the dark? To the paedo park!

Anorak

Posted: 27th, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (2)

Ryanair Considers Charging For Using The Onboard Toilet

RYANAIR is considering charging passengers for using the onboard toilet.

Chief executive Michael O’Leary says the airline is looking at maybe installing a “coin slot on the toilet door”.

Given that you can get a On Ryanair you can get a blowjob in business class (ask her how) the privy door might include a Victorian erotic peep hole for those waiting in line (£1 a minute).

Anorak

Posted: 27th, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Money | Comments (7)

Ivan Cameron: I Spy Disabled People, MPs Yellow Ribbons And The Public Spectacle

IVAN Cameron has died. David Cameron’s son has died. A moment of personal grief. But can it made into a public spectacle? No Prime Minister’s Questions Time yesterday.

The House of Commons looks inwards, dealing with it own issues in mawkish fashion before the work of running the country and announcing the dead in Afghanistan and Iraq.

After the MPs have performed “Ivan Cameron and Me”, the hacks get to work making sense a child’s death:

Anorak

Posted: 27th, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comments (37)

Jade Goody: Wendy Richard And Me, With The Real EastEnders

WENDY Richard has died. Pauline Fowler, the character she played in EastEnders, died Christmas Day 2006, and life took a mere two years to catch up with fiction.

Miss Brahms may well be alive, working as a personal shopper in Dubai.

For those who experience difficulty flitting between fiction and what passes for reality – or just believe they are one and the same (see Jade Goody) – don’t despair. Wendy Richard is on UK TV Gold at 4pm this afternoon.

But what will the tabloid press do to remember the likeable actress?

Anorak

Posted: 27th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)

Jade Goody: Ivan Cameron, Tabloid Bingo And Sick Jokes

JADE GOODY Cancer Watch: Jade Goody has been dislodged from the front pages by David Cameron’s loss of his son Ivan Cameron. But she continues to make news…

Glasgow Daily Record: “Dignified ending shows media-made Jade in new light”

On paper, it’s hellishly tasteless. In reality, it’s far more complex. Jade’s terminal condition does not change the fact she is an ignoramus.

But her frank appraisal of her hopeless lot and her determination to make things as normal as possible for her two sons showed her to be capable of an emotional intelligence many thought beyond her.

Anorak

Posted: 26th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (19)