Madeleine McCann: Internet Danger, Teenage Girls And Stuart Lubbock

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann, featuring Stuart Lubbock and Internet teenage hell…

Yesterday the Mail manged to feature Madeleine McCann in its sotry on Stuart Lubbock, the man found dead at Michael Barrymore’s home. Readers were told:

Comparisons are now being made between Essex Police’s handling of the Lubbock case with the Portuguese police’s handling of the Madeleine McCann investigation.

Can the Mail now work Madeleine McCann into another seemingly unconnected story?

Daily Mail: “Pushed to the brink: How a family nearly lost their teenage daughter thanks to the dangerous power of the internet”

Anorak

Posted: 26th, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews | Comments (11)

Jade Goody’s OK! Wedding: Sir Elton’s John’s Florist, The Vows And The Ferrero Rocher Mountain

JADE Goody’s marriage to Jack Tweed is occupying minds at OK! magazine.

The front page advertises Jade’s “happiest day of my life”. And there she is offering a half smile, sat beside a pained looking Jack. Dandled on their knees are Jade’s sons, one looking into the middle distance, the other looking as if the photographer has taken a hammer to his Playstation.

Anorak

Posted: 25th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (10)

Jade Goody: Jordan’s Flowers, Kill Her Now, Coleen Rooney And A Secret Ceremony

JADE Goody’s celebrity cancer: Jordan’s Flowers, Kill Her Now, Coleen Rooney And A Secret Ceremony.

Are the papers tying of the Jade Goody story? If she lingers for too long – months on the front page – perhaps the papers will start to turn on her.

Look out for “GET ON WITH IT JADE”, “HEAVEN WON’T WAIT FOREVER”, or …

The Sun (front page): “JADE: KILL ME NOW.”

Jade is:

“Distraught at diagnosis”

Brave Jade distraught? “Brave” is the epithet tabloids lost causes. And the grim news is that Jade Goody is terminally ill. But how does “brave” sit with “distraught”?

Anorak

Posted: 25th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (22)

Jade Goody And Me: Jade Jagger Compared

JADE Goody And Me: Jade Jagger.

Says Jade Jagger:

“It’s heartbreaking, to see what she’s going through. I’ve been spending time in India, where Jade’s cause is really dominating the headlines.

Read the rest of this entry »

Anorak

Posted: 24th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Photojournalism | Comment

Media Scare Stories: Sinus Cancer, Preteen Sex Songs And Death By Facebook, Bebo And Twitter

MEDIA Scare stories: sinus cancer, Facebook, Bebo and Twitter death and preteen sex songs.

• * Britain faces summer of rage – police -Middle-class anger at economic crisis could erupt into violence on streets – Guardian

Police excited at idea of kicking sh*t out of Guardian readers.

* Disabled presenter is scaring children, parents tell BBC – Daily Mail

Anorak

Posted: 24th, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (3)

Jade Goody: A Healer, Sienna Miller, Gail Trimble And A Dumb Legacy

JADE Goody: A Healer, Sienna Miller, Gail Trimble And A Dumb Legacy.

The Sun (front page): “JADE SAYS GOODBYE”

“Jade Goody sheds a tear yesterday as she weakly waves goodbye to pals for what could be the last time.”

Jade is looking into the snapper’s lens. We are now all Jade’s pals.

Anorak

Posted: 24th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)

Obama Balls: Tie Makers For Obama, Property Price Crash And Drama

BARACK Obama Balls: Obama changes property prices, dramas and ties

“Barack Obama’s inauguration as US president inspired Robertson housing to slash £29,000 off their Washington house style. The four-bedroom property at Ayr’s Park is now just £269,000” – New Homes, Sunday Mail

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comments (3)

Green Party And Warmist Campaign In Oman And Stasi Dubai

IN Oman – a place that makes Dubai appear enlightened – the greens are campaigning for better world with less sand.

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment (1)

Peta’s Ingrid Newkirk Barbecues Her Dead Thumb Up Michael Schumacher’s Arse

THE will of Ingrid Newkirk, president of PETA – the people who put the words in the horse’s mouth – says her body should be used “in a manner that draws attention to needless animal suffering and exploitation.”

Ingrid Newkirk will be covered in aspic, tied to a small train-like contraption and sent around the now, sadly, emptied Walthamstow greyhound track forever, or until Michael Schumacher catches her.

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comments (16)

Jade Goody Celebrity Cancer: Wedding Bans, Jack’s Shoes And Rolling Eyes

JADE Goody: Wedding bans, Jack Tweed’s shoe-in and a miracle…

Daily Express (front page): “Jade Marries – It was the happiest and saddest day of my life”

Pages 8 and 9: “Jade the bravest of brides”

Daily Star (front page): “JADE’S WEDDING EXCLSUIVE – MOMENT MY DREAM CAME TRUE”

“Jade Goody laughed away the pain” as she married Jack.

“Let’s pray for a miracle,” says Jade.

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (17)

Sports Illustrated Airbrushed Out Danica Patrick’s Tattoo

AND not just any model. The esteemed sports magazine, whose annual swimsuit issue just came out Stateside, has been rumbled for airbrushing out a skanky back tattoo belonging to foxy racing driver Danica Patrick (see before-and-after photo, right).

Anorak

Posted: 21st, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (8)

Jade Goody: Jack Straw’s Poll, Max Clifford And A No Class Love Story

JADE Goody Live Celebrity Cancer Watch: Jack Straw, Max Clifford and No Class

Daily Mirror (front page): “JADE’S ANGELS”

Jade Goody will have nurses close by as she marries tomorrow – to ensure she gets through the ceremony.

That is an “exclusive”. Who knew? Very ill woman gets care. Read all about it!

Medic crash team on standby for big day

Anorak

Posted: 21st, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (6)

The Temporary KKK Tattoo For All Recreational Nazis

CAN you dabble with Nazism, Islamofascism, Ann Coulter or any extreme right-wing nuts and then with a wipe of soft flannel return to the reasoned human being you once were?

Well, yes you can. With wipe on tattoos you are just a peel and press way from being a boss-eyed member of the Klu Klux Klan.

Anorak

Posted: 21st, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Photojournalism, Strange But True | Comments (10)

Lily Allen’s New Shh Rihanna Tattoo And Mobile Library

LILY Allen has a tattoo on her finger. She is now a walking text message.

Allen’s self-labelling is good for her image, and her marketing. And is a hobby that should be encouraged by Gordon Brown, who can excuse his Government’s quotidian comment on a celebrity by saying how the sight of a young woman encouraging reading is both a fine and a noble thing.

Anorak

Posted: 20th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)

Jade Goody: Shilpa Shetty Prays And The Two-Minute Silence

JADE Goody Live Celebrity Cancer Watch: Worzel Gummidge, Shilpa Shetty Prays And A Two-Minute Silence 

DAILY MIRROR (front page): “SAD JADE ALONE ON WEDDING NIGHT”

Jade Goody is a living Worzel Gummidge, the scarecrow of tea-time telly who could change his moods as she changed his head. Look, there’s vile Jade; there’s brave Jade and today here’s sad Jade.

But why is sad Jade alone?

“Police curfew on groom Jack”

Anorak

Posted: 20th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)

Obama The New York Monkey In Bush’s Image

BARACK Obama is a dead monkey, a dead monkey puppet. No, he’s not Curious George. Barack Obama is the crazed monkey who signed off the US stimulus package.

The Guardian sees the picture of the monkey being killed, shot by two white police officers, an event depictured by the main editorial cartoon in the New York Post.

Anorak

Posted: 19th, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Photojournalism, Politicians | Comments (6)

Jade Goody Celebrity Cancer Live: Gordon Brown, Girls Aloud And The Grim Reaper

Jade Goody Live Celebrity Cancer Watch: Gordon Brown Cares, Girls Aloud Weep And Cancer Scares.

BBC: “Tweed speaks out over sick Goody”

The BBC would never broadcast a live celebrity death would it? No, of course not. Never…

Jade Goody’s fiance Jack Tweed has revealed how he is feeling ahead of his wedding to the reality TV star, who has terminal cancer.

During a series of documentaries for Living, Tweed said: “It’s weird, but it’s like a film, I’m happy, but then I’m sad, obviously.”

Like a film, and he’s got a speaking role. Who’s writing the script?

Read the rest of this entry »

Anorak

Posted: 19th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (12)

Alfie Patten And Chantelle Graduate From Sex Education Class

ALFIE Patten, 13, claims to have fathered his inamorata Chantelle Steadman’s baby daughter, Maisie Roxanne. Now read on…

The Herald: Old orthodoxies cannot address underage sex

What’s it all about, Alfie? Regardless of whether 13-year-old Alfie Patten is or is not the father of 15-year-old Chantelle Steadman’s baby daughter, the story has set the hare running on the issue of teenage pregnancy.

No story can be a story unless it contains the nugget of an issue. What that issue is depends on your vested interest and prejudices. For teenage boys it is about how 12-year-old Alfie not only pulled an older woman but squired her while they were just getting into masturbation.

Read the rest of this entry »

Anorak

Posted: 19th, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (12)

Alfie Patten And Chantelle Steadman: Gordon Brown Asks, Spice Girls To Blame And Jade Goody

ALFIE Patten, 13, claims to have fathered his inamorata Chantelle Steadman’s baby daughter, Maisie Roxanne in Eastbourne, Sussex. But Alfie might not be the daddy.

A DNA test will sort out the daddy from the boys, that gaggle of lads who claim to have squired the fragrant Chantelle, 15.

The papers have their latest story on Broken Britain, the grotesque world in which little girls have babies with little boys. And not just any babies, but healthy ones. On with the story. And eyes down for Tabloid Bingo:

Anorak

Posted: 18th, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (16)

Jade Goody: Che Jade, Her Little Princes And Wed And Buried

JADE Goody’s Celebrity Cancer: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at the Mourn Porn of Jade’s Goody’s celebrity cancer.

Daily Express (front page): “Jade’s boys cheers their brave mum”

Jade Goody’s sons are off to see mum in hospital. Yes two boys to an assisted blonde mum. How long before the lads are called the “little princes”?

Anorak

Posted: 18th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (30)

Birmingham’s Supporting Feature, With Telly Savalas And Baim

AND now for our supporting feature…

Old Mr Anorak has happy memories of Birmingham, where he lived for a while in the 1980s. He remembers particularly fondly the friendly people and the dry sense of humour, as epitomised by the smutty and amusing ads for the local beer.

His memories of other aspects of Brum are less fond, however. He was left cold by New Street Station, and even colder by the Bull Ring – a sixties concrete shopping centre full of run-down market stalls, with a noisy motorway overhead.

Others begged to differ, though.

Anorak

Posted: 17th, February 2009 | In: Flashback, Key Posts, Reviews | Comment (1)

Manchester United Fan Caught In Liverpool Facebook Scam

TO Scotland, where Stuart Slann has arrived at the home of his paramour, a sultry women with whom he has been conversing via text message and Facebook chats.

Mr Slann has made the nine-hour trip from his martial home in Sheffield to a remote farm in Scotland to meet the lovely lassie, the woman known to him as “Emma”.

“Emma” is running late. She has to finish work. Mr Slann waits for a further three hours. His phone rings.

Anorak

Posted: 17th, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comments (3)

Muslim Wife Swap: TV Founder Beheads Wife

TO NEW YORK, where Muzzammil Hassan, founder of an Islamic television station in upstate New York aimed at countering Muslim stereotypes, has confessed to beheading his wife, one (and a bit) Aasiya Hassan, say reports.

It’s bit like the head of the Catholic Church talking about love for all while nodding along with a Holocaust denier and sucking up to a gay hater.

Anorak

Posted: 17th, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (12)

Lamb Attacks Golden Eagle, Hippo Takes Flight

WHILE we wait for the next installment in the Jade Goody Celebrity Cancer and lament the outbreak of peace in Israel, we bring you news of a lamb seen head-butting a golden eagle.

A mentioned in the 10th Outer Hebrides Bird Report, a Scottish Natural Heritage production, the incident involved a lamb and the bird of prey at Baile Ailean on the Western Isles.

Anorak

Posted: 17th, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comments (3)

Snout Of Order: Petition To Cap Bankers’ Bonuses

BEAT The Banker: sign our Anorak petition to stop bankers’ greedy salaries.

TROUGH UPDATE HERE

In the days BCC (Before Credit Crunch) we believed what we were told: senior executives are paid so much because you need to get the best people; traders get big bonuses because they are the wealth generators; you get what you pay for.

Anorak

Posted: 13th, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Money | Comments (97)