The 10 most mental WTF adverts ever to appear on Craiglist

THSE are the 10 most WTF adverts ever to appear on Craigslist (until we find another ten):

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, September 2013 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment

Baba Ramdev: Keith Vaz supports India’s celebrity swami who says gays are a sickness to be cured by yoga

WHY was Swami  Ramdevji detained at Heathrow Airport for eight hours as he tried to make way to Glasgow?

Also known as Baba Ramdev, Ramdevji was scheduled to lead a 1500-strong yoga class in Glasgow this Monday. Immigration stopped him. After hours in limbo, the spiritual leader who is said to be idolised by tens of millions, was handed a 24-hour visa and instructed to return to Terminal Five today. He did so. He was not deported. He was allowed to stay. The yoga class is on.

Leicester East MP Keith Vaz, who backed Ramdev, was there to tell media:

“…it is still a matter of concern to his many supporters and thousands of people who couldn’t be here today that he should have been treated in the way he was treated when he arrived at Heathrow. No Indian citizen with a valid visa entering the UK for lawful purposes should be held in this way. This is a very serious situation that occurred.”

Anorak

Posted: 21st, September 2013 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment

Why Aaron Alexis did it: Islam, Noodles, Call of Duty and every other reason on one page

WHY did Aaron Alexis murder 12 people on a US naval base?

The Daily Mirror knows. He was:

“DRIVEN TO KILL BY CALL Of DUTY”

After the stupid headline, the Mirror’s Christopher Bucktin strafes the page with other facts as to why a man murdered a dozen people:

Nuts: He was “Crazed”.

Games: He had been “treated for mental illness after playing violent video games for up to 18 hours day and night”.

Anorak

Posted: 18th, September 2013 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment

Pie and Mash saved the world: the stars who love the traditional cockney staple

PIE and Mash, the traditional cockney staple, is under threat. An ageing fan base, coupled with a shortage of eels, has accelerated the decline of the traditional eel and pie shop.

Anorak

Posted: 17th, September 2013 | In: Celebrities, Flashback, Key Posts, The Consumer | Comments (3)

Nigeria’s greatest living scientist uses magnets, pi and lions to prove that gay marriage is wrong

“I WAS the first to publish report about the 2006 total solar eclipse in the newspaper in Nigeria when I was writing for the defunct New Age newspaper,” says University of Lagos post graduate student, Chibuihem Amalaha.

“I also reported the true situation about the 2010 acid rain in Nigeria. I carried out analysis and found out that there was nothing like cancer of the skin attributed to the acid rain and by 2011, I emerged the best science reporter in Nigeria where I won Nigeria Media Merit Award in the energy category as a science editor with Compass newspapers.”

“Ever since then I have been doing a lot of researches in the country. There are many discoveries and inventions I have made in science and technology. I have also been able to prove that the mathematical symbol pi which people thought of as 22 over 7 is not actually 22 over , but  rather a transcendental number while 22 over 7 is a rational number. I also proved that watching television in the dark impacts negatively on one’s eyes and by God’s grace, I was the first person to use scientific instruments to prove it in the whole world. The Nigerian Television Authority (NTA) featured me on this in one of their programmes on January 12, 2013, where I demonstrated to millions of their viewers that watching television in the dark damages the eyes. Usually when it’s around 10pm, many families in Nigeria will switch off their surrounding lights to use the light from television or the light from computer alone thinking that they will see images brighter. But from experiments I found that it’s not true and experts both at the University of Lagos and elsewhere have found my work to be true. The reason for this is because there is a lot of difference in illuminants (brightness) between the television screen and the dark background in the room known as the periphery.

“In recent time I found that gay marriage,which is homosexuality and lesbianism, is eating deep into the fabric of our human nature all over the world and this was why nations of Sodom and Gomora were destroyed by God because they were into gay practice. That is, a man marrying another man and a woman marrying another woman.

“A recent publication on May 3, 2013 shows that France is the 14th country in the world that have legalised gay. I asked myself why should a man be marrying a man and a woman marrying a woman, does it mean that there is no more female for a man to marry or there is no more male for a woman to marry? And recently, Britain told Nigeria to legalise gay marriage of forfeit international aid. I thank God for our lawmakers who refused to sign the bill legalising gay marriage. And so God gave me the wisdom to use science as a scientist to prove gay marriage wrong.

Anorak

Posted: 17th, September 2013 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comments (3)

Ban the veil to save freedom-hating Britain from Muslim women and other perverts

SHOULD a Muslim woman be able to wear a full-face veil in court? Judge Peter Murphy, ‘no’. He says the woman charged with witness intimidation must show her face in Blackfriars Crown Court (above). She says she does not want to show her face in front of men. She wants to keep on her niqab.

A compromise is struck: she can wear the veil in all the parts of the trial where she is not giving evidence.

But her lawyers say the making her remove the veil breaches Article 9 of the European Convention on Human Rights. Which is does not.

The Judge won’t budge any further. To begin with he ruled that she must remove the veil at all times:

“It is necessary for this court to be satisfied that they can recognise the defendant. While I obviously respect the right to dress in any way she wishes, certainly while outside the court, the interests of justice are paramount. I can’t, as a circuit judge, accept a plea from a person whose identity I am unable to ascertain.”

But does he have to check her ID? Don’t the court officers do that before she enters the dock? Can’t they be women?

“It would be easy for someone on a later occasion to appear and claim to be the defendant. The court would have no way to check on that.”

No way? Well, there was a way. An officer of the court swore an oath that the woman in the dock was the same woman as appeared in a photo of the suspect. Accordingly, the suspect was allowed to enter a plea (not guilty).

Anorak

Posted: 16th, September 2013 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (3)

That’s ‘unpatriotic’: Daily Mirror’s Robbie Savage slams paper’s picture of Spurs and England’s Kyle Walker huffing nitrous oxide

WHEN the Mirror posted that image of Spurs and England defender Kyle Walker huffing nitrous oxide on his summer holidays – it was June – we were not alone in wondering if the paper had sat on the story. ‘Footballer gets off face on summer holidays’ is not a big story. But ‘England footballer facing crunch World Cup qualifying match inhales hippy crack’ is.

The Mirror then followed its shocker with a picture of Roy Hodgson looking not enough unlike Psycho Norman Bates.

We wondered is the Daily Mirror was deliberately trying to unsettle Hodgson’s England?

Mirror journalist Dan Silver thought us “idiots“:

Dan Silver: ‘Rumbled! Eng at World Cup would be disaster for sales. Oh… #idiots @TheAnorak: Mirror continues drive to undermine Roy Hodgson’s England”

Anorak: “You think the photo the Mirror chose is flattering to Hodgson?”

Dan Silver: “you think the Mirror has a campaign to undermine the England team?”

Anorak: “No. But you’re tapping into the fear factor – not quite the achtung! achtung! of old is it…”

In todays Mirror, columnist Robbie Savage notes:

“Kyle Walker was naïve, and plain wrong, to inhale nitrous oxide ‘laughing gas’ from a balloon at a party. He has apologised for his mistake, the Football Association are not taking any action against him, and that should be the end of the matter. But the timing of the photograph – which caught Walker in the act – being leaked left a lot to be desired. It was clearly designed to unsettle him as England prepared for a vital World Cup qualifier in Ukraine, and it clearly affected Walker’s performance on the night…  The people who leaked that photo may have had their own motives, but at a time when everyone in England should have been pulling together and hoping for an important result on the road to Brazil, it didn’t look like a patriotic act of unity to me.

So. Did the Mirror sit on the photo or not? And what was the Mirror’s motive?

The Mirror’s editorial meeting should by interesting.

Anorak

Posted: 13th, September 2013 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (2)

10 ways to get yourself into a sexual harassment seminar

DAVID DeAngelo, expert in douchery, has written a 10-point article about the art of talking to women… SEXUALLY. He uses the word so often in this piece that it’s impossible to read it without big caps and Zap Brannigan’s voice in your head, writes Rebecca Brynolf.

Let’s take a look at Dave’s advice for talking to women… SEXUALLY, point by point, and see where he might be going wrong.

“Did you know that talking about sex with a woman can be the first step to actually having it?” – It CAN be, if you’ve established a genuine connection and a mutual level of attraction. It CAN also be the first step to a woman pulling the rape alarm, too.

“Unfortunately, most guys screw up big time when they try to turn a conversation in that direction, and end up coming across as “creepy” or clueless.” – No kidding, Dave.

“The solution here is to learn how to flirt with a woman in a sexual way. Here are 10 tips to help you do so.” – In a SEXUAL way, you say?

Number 10

“Speak in a sexy way

“Think you can turn a woman on with a high-pitched, squeaky voice?” – Hey, it worked for Prince.

“Think again. Women pay more attention to your voice tone than to the words you speak.” – Honestly, sometimes when men speak I’m so overcome with the SEXUALNESS of how men speak rather than what they say that I may as well be listening to Charlie Brown’s teacher.

“When you flirt with a woman in a sexual way, work on improving your delivery. Speak slowly, hold eye contact, deepen your voice and pause. But be careful not to be overdramatic and cheesy.” – Dave, Dave. If you speak slowly with frequent pauses, a woman, or anyone, is going to think that either you’re slow, or you think they’re slow. OR that you think you’re a Brit abroad.

Anorak

Posted: 13th, September 2013 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment

The most bad taste tributes on the 12th anniversary of 9/11

TWELVE years ago the media was full of dark images of the attack on New York that became known as 9/11. Thousands were murdered. So. How do we mark the event? Well, with bad taste:

Anorak

Posted: 12th, September 2013 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment

See the Titanic in Tennessee: A Weekend in Pigeon Forge with Dolly Parton

IF you want to visit America and do the tourist thing, we have majestic natural grandeur coming out of our asses over here, including the Grand Canyon (formerly the longest, deepest land canyon on Earth until that discovery in Greenland last month, when it was relegated to “longest, deepest canyon you can visit while the ice caps still exist”);   Yosemite (currently on fire) and Yellowstone, the world’s only national park with the potential to one day cause the extinction of humanity.

But I can’t visit any of that stuff because it’s all in the western part of the US and I live on the east coast, three thousand miles away—too far to drive with only a week’s worth of vacation time, and flying isn’t an option because the whole “Let some TSA-hole feel you up in the airport first” thing is purely bullshit.

Jennifer Abel

Posted: 11th, September 2013 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment

John Kerry is Adrian Mole: bombing Syria is an ‘unbelievably small’ non-war – more like a conflict

JOHN Kerry says any attack on Syria wold not be a war. It would be an “unbelievably small” war. Tiny. Hell, it wold be a non-war. It would be a conflict, like the Falklands. Or a row. Not even that. It would be a minor disagreement between US bombers and a gas…

And that is the same Kerry, who compared Assad to Hitler and called this a Munich moment, Fallows notes: 

John Kerry is Adrian Mole, who wrote in his famous diary:

Tuesday April 6th
The nation has been told that Britain and Argentina are not at war, we are at conflict.
I am reading Scoop by a woman called Evelyn Waugh.

Together:

Pandora!
I adore ya.
I implore ye
Don’t ignore me.

Ends.

Anorak

Posted: 10th, September 2013 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comment

Nitrous Oxide laugh in: Spurs and England’s Kyle Walker is a victim of the Daily Mail’s drugs misinformation policy

SPURS and England defender Kyle Walker has been pictured inhaling laughing gas from a balloon. The picture was taken last June. Is that bad? Well, taking any stimulant is not a healthy option. He won’t be doing it again.

The Sunday Mirror was aghast and thundered:

“This photograph was taken as he was recovering from an injury that forced him to miss England’s friendly double-header against the Republic of Ireland and Brazil.”

Injured footballer on holiday inhales nitrous oxide. Is that a big deal? Well, it is if you sit on the picture and wait until the eve of England’s big match in the Ukraine to publish it.

Neil Ashton writes in the Mail:

‘The FA insist that Walker, who has seven caps and is expected to start against Ukraine, has not broken any laws or behaved in a way that affects his standing with the England team.”

Anorak

Posted: 9th, September 2013 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment

One Direction fans threaten to kill Aston Villa’s Gabby Agbonlahor for tackling puking Louis Tomlinson

ASTON Villa’s Gabby Agbonlahor has been the subject of death threats on Twitter following his tackle on One Direction and Doncaster Rovers’ Louis Tomlinson at charity football match for former Villa and Celtic man Stan Petrov who was diagnosed with leukaemia.

After the forward’s challenge, Tomlinson went to the sidelines and threw up.

The One Direction fans duly moved on from threatening to murder GQ magazine staffers by threatening to murder a professional footballer:

Anorak

Posted: 8th, September 2013 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Sports | Comment

Huseyin Centinel and the wonderful painted stairs of Beyoglu, Istanbul (photos)

HUSEYIN Centinel wanted to brighten up his area of Beyoglu, Istanbul. So. He spent 4 days and $800 of his own money painting a set of stairs in bright green and sky blue “to make people smile.” And then someone from the Beyoglu municipality painted them gray.

He told TV news:

“I didn’t do it for a group or as a form of activism. I did it to make people smile”

Anorak

Posted: 8th, September 2013 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment

Reporter on Daily Mail drugs sting bought garden herbs

THE  Irish Daily Mail wants to highlight the ease with which a journalist can buy marijuana:

“THE ease with which illegal drugs can be bought online is revealed today in an Irish Daily Mail undercover operation. Our reporter was able to click on a website, send an email and a short time later, pay a small-time dealer €50 for three grams of marijuana on a busy Dublin street… The illegal substance was then handed over to the gardaí, and full details of the transaction reported to them.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Anorak

Posted: 7th, September 2013 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment

Dying from a marijuana overdose in Washington and Colorado: weed turns you into a violent criminal

NICK Wing has a GIF showing all of the people who have died after overdosing on pot:

In a word, yes. But Holder says the State must include “strong and effective regulatory and enforcement systems”.

Anorak

Posted: 7th, September 2013 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (9)

Charles Dozsa’s arrest: I was eating a meal… a succulent chinese meal…

CHARLES Dozsa was eating a meal in 1988… a succulent Chinese meal… when the police arrested him.

Phrases to watch out for from the magnificent Hungarian:

“Gentlemen, this is democracy manifest.”

“Have a look at the headlock here – get your hand of my pen1s!’

“On what charge, eating a meal, a succulent Chinese meal.”

“Ah Sir, I see you know your Judo.”

“And you sir, are you waiting to receive my limp pen1s?”

Anorak

Posted: 6th, September 2013 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (6)

Stage disasters: the unlucky 13 pop stars for whom the show did not always go on

IN this Flashback, we look at State Disasters. The show doesn’t always go on

Beyoncé’s bad hair day had a happy ending – she extricated herself from the fan (mechanical, rather than maniacal in this case).

And at least she had the good humour to see the funny side afterwards – other victims of onstage disasters certainly didn’t. And one didn’t even live to tell the tale…

Syd Barrett

Early signs of the Pink Floyd front-man’s mental disintegration were apparent in 1967. That year he appeared on stage with an entire tube of Brylcreem in his hair into which – according to some accounts – he had crushed a handful of Mandrax tablets. Mandies or not, the lotion melted under the lights, leaving him looking like ‘a guttered candle’. The song Vegetable Man (unreleased) reflected Syd’s self-loathing at the time…

Arthur Brown

Arthur’s bad hair was in a league of its own, thanks to his famous flaming helmet, worn in honour of The Crazy World of Arthur Brown’s solitary hit, Fire. Its precursor – a colander soaked in methanol – was less successful. The fuel soaked into his scalp and set his head alight at the Windsor Festival in 1967. The fire was put out with beer.

Vince Taylor

The pioneering British rocker is remembered for two things: his classic single Brand new Cadillac and the mental problems, exacerbated by LSD and booze, which led to incidents such as declaring himself the apostle Matthew at one of his London concerts.

David Bowie was a friend of Taylor’s, and recalls encountering Taylor lying on the pavement in Caring Cross Road, studying a map of Europe and pointing out where UFOs would be landing. He later based the character of Ziggy Stardust on Taylor.

Keith Moon

So many to choose from, not least the time he overdosed and fell unconscious twice during a 1973 Who concert in California. After the second incident, Pete Townshend asked if there was a drummer in the audience, and the volunteer played the rest of the set.

Possibly the most spectacular mishap occurred when Moon detonated some powerful fireworks in his drum kit after the band’s 1967 appearance on the Smothers Brothers show. The explosion (7.20 onwards in the clip below) genuinely stunned the hosts, and is blamed by Townshend for his subsequent hearing problems.

Video here.

Frank Zappa

December 1971 was a bad month for the Mothers of Invention. First their equipment was set on fire by a flare fired from the audience during an appearance at the Casio de Montreux. The casino was razed to the ground, and, as a final indignity, the fire inspired Deep Purple to write Smoke on the Water.

Later that month a fan pushed Zappa off the stage at London’s Rainbow Theatre. He fell into the concrete orchestra pit, sustaining serious injuries to his head, neck, back and legs, and crushing his larynx. He was wheelchair-bound for a long period afterwards and his voice deepened significantly.

Patti Smith

The rock poet ‘did a Zappa’ in 1977, with a 15 foot fall into an orchestra pit in Tampa. She broke several vertebrae.

Harry Styles

One Direction’s young shaver was hit squarely in the other kind of ‘orchestra stalls’ by a shoe hurled from the audience during a performance in Glasgow earlier this year.

Stereophonics

The Welsh rockers suffered a less dramatic shock in 2004 when Kelly Jones and Richard Jones were electrocuted at the Bataclan in Paris. Sparks flew but the band played on.

Kris Novoselic

The Nirvana bassist failed to catch his instrument after throwing it in the air during the 1992 Music Video Awards. Apparently he still has a dent in his head.

Iggy Pop

In 201o, Iggy Pop dived at the New York crowd; and missed.

“When I landed it hurt and I made a mental note that Carnegie Hall would be a good place for my last stagedive. The audience were just like, ‘What are you doing?'”

Les Harvey

The mother of all stage accidents occurred the following year during a Stone The Crows gig the Top Rank Suite in Swansea. Les Harvey (brother of The Sensational Alex) touched an unearthed microphone with wet hands and was killed on the spot.

And finally…

U2

Our favourite. Life imitates art as the Irish megastars suffer a Spinal Tap moment – trapped inside a 40ft mechanical lemon. When the fruit malfunctioned the band were forced to clamber out of the back during their PopMart tour in Oslo.

Anorak

Posted: 6th, September 2013 | In: Flashback, Key Posts, Music | Comment

The truth about the Squaddie who became a Muslim woman

IN “SQUADDIE BECOMES MUSLIM WOMAN “, the Sun talks of Lucy Vallender , who had a sex change in 2010 and converted to Islam last year.

As one soldier says:

Brilliant, if true. What will the Iman think about it? Sadly it seems you need to log into The Sun to read all the sordid details.Hopefully The Daily Mail will do it all again in the morning.

Another asks:

“What does mumsnet have to say about it”

Our issues with the story are:

* When does a civilian who joined the TA become a squaddie?

* Why is the Muslim angle delivered as tabloid shocker?

Anorak

Posted: 5th, September 2013 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment

The Talking Balls Awards: Anorak awards the best and worst of the mad transfer season

THE Transfer Season was a reporting frenzy. Experts in the media made guess after guess. And time after time they got it wrong. In light of their sterling work in fulling space with speculation we present the Transfer Season awards.

The Read My Lips Award

Winner: Jose Mourinho:

Jose Mourinho says Wayne Rooney is Chelsea’s only summer transfer target after Manchester United rejected their bid for the England striker…And when asked if the Blues had made any other bids for players, the Portuguese said: “No – and we won’t.”…Asked if it is Rooney or bust, he replied: “Yes.”‘

Chelsea then spent £32 on Willian.

The You Can’t Buy Loyalty Like That Award

Winner: Willian

August 16:  Willian loves Liverpool:

 ”There are conversations, and I am hoping in the next few days for an offer from a club like Liverpool. If it is Liverpool, then they are a great club.”

August 22: Willian has a medical at Tottenham. He passes.

August 28: Willian becomes a Chelsea player:

“It’s been my dream to come to play here. Finally it’s become a reality, and when the offer came I never gave a thought to anybody else, I said to myself that I would run here, and I’m happy to be here now. Chelsea were always my first choice.”

The Insider Award for Journalists Who Know

Winner: John Cross in the Daily Mirror

August 22:

“THIS game showed why Arsenal have spent the whole summer trying to buy a striker. Giroud was the worst culprit… his finishing looks anything but top class”

September 2:

“Who needs to spend £109million when Gunners have Olivier Giroud? Who needs Luis Suarez? Who needs Gonzalo Higuain? Or even Wayne Rooney? Not Arsenal when they have got Olivier Giroud…”

August 29:

Arsenal fear Wenger will spend NOTHING on transfers this summer – Gunners have backed away from Cabaye and Guaita with four days left in the window – could freebies Sanogo and Flamini really be it?

September 2:

Arsenal smash transfer record for £42million Mesut Ozil… The Gunners have agreed personal terms with the Real Madrid star, but it looks as though they won’t be stopping there on transfer deadline day

Runner-Up: Daily Express

July 28

Cesc Fabregas says yes to Manchester United move

July 27

BARCELONA have put an end to Manchester United’s chances of signing Cesc Fabregas, with the new boss Gerardo Martino saying there is no chance he will be sold.

Fabregas was quoted:

“I’ve always said that I’m happy at Barca,” re-iterated the playmaker during an interview with Spanish sports paper Marca. “Whoever says that I’m leaving doesn’t know me and has never spoken with me. Nor with my agent, because he knows that I don’t want him to talk with other people about me. I’m very private and I don’t even talk about these things with my family. If someone says anything that isn’t that I want to play at Barca, it’s completely absurd.”

And:

“If Barcelona said that they didn’t want me, that would be another thing. But what I truly want is to triumph at Barcelona. That’s been my dream since I was a kid.”

Which became:

CESC FABREGAS has agreed to join Manchester United following a secret meeting between the Barcelona star’s agent Darren Dein and Old Trafford chief executive Ed Woodward.

 The Bald Fact Award

Winner: Daily Mirror:

David Villa is definitely coming to the Premier League this summer, and Arsenal, Tottenham and Liverpool are all in for the Barcelona striker. Spain international Villa has told his advisers he wants a move to England and has now been given the green light by Barca to negotiate a deal- The Daily Mirror

The Bale Stays Award

Winner: the Borehamwood & Elstree Times: 

“Gareth Bale has signed a new contract with Tottenham“.

The Trainspotter Award

Winner: David Maddock told Mirror readers:

New boss Roberto Martinez is bracing himself for a bid though, with the 25-year-old revealing to close friends that he would love a switch to the capital – where he would be less than two hours on the Eurostar away from his Brussels birthplace.

 

The I Can’t Wait To Play With Bale Award

Winner: Paulinho:

“This summer there has been interest in their Coach and their best player[Bale] – and they have been clear they both are not going anywhere.”

 The Contract News Award

Winner: Sun and Mirror

The Sun:

DAVID MOYES has a week to decide whether to sign Marouane Fellaini. The Everton star has a buyout clause of £22million — but that only stands until July 31. Then Moyes’ old club will be able to name their price and it will undoubtedly go up.

The Mirror added on July 13:

The Belgian’s £23.5million buy-out clause expires on August 14 with the Toffees set to demand more than £30million for him after

Runner Up: Arsenal

£40m plus £1 to get Suarez was bizarre and badly advised.

The It’s Different When I Do It Award

Winner: Alan Pardew

Pardew lambasted PSG boss Laurent Blanc’s public pursuit of the Magpies’ Yohan Cabaye:

“I don’t think it’s right. He can get on the phone to me, or make a bid. That’s the right way to do it.”

Blanc had opined:

“Yohan offers many things in midfield and can play in quite a few positions. He is an interesting player, and the midfield will be an area we will be strengthening because there will be departures.”

Make a bid. Get on the phone. Says Pardew of his targets:

“Both those players are on our list. I make no bones about that. But they are under contract at other clubs. It’s difficult, you have to be careful. It’s nice for our fans to hear names, but I don’t want to disrupt other clubs’ preparations. There’s been speculation, particularly about Darren. I think I can comment on that because it sounds like, at Villa, he’s not particularly involved.”

The Pass The Sick Bucket Award

Winner: Gareth Bale

“I don’t think I need to help Cristiano [Ronaldo] to be the best player in the world because he already is”

The Norris McWhirter Award For Record Accuracy

Winner: Gareth Bale’s move to Real Madrid

Daily Mirror: “Madrid sign Spurs ace for £86m, and he’ll get £90m”

The Times: “The £85m man – Real agree £85.2m fee in world record”

BBC: “The Wales star has agreed a £300,000 per week, six-year deal after sealing an £85.3m…”

WalesOnline: “Gareth Bale to be unveiled by Real Madrid after world record £85m deal”

The Guardian: “Farewell to the €100m man”

The Indy: While Tottenham said they had been paid €100m for Bale – £86m  – sources in Spain described the fee as €90m, or £78m.

GiveMeSport.com: “Gareth Bale agrees £97m Real Madrid deal”

Daily Mail: “Tottenham were offered a world record £101m for Bale,

The Mail the explains the confusion:

Bale not No 1: Real claim they’ve got £78m star ‘on the cheap’ to keep Ronaldo as top dog

What will the record books make of it?

The Talking About The Player You’ve Never Heard Of Award

Winner: Julian Draxler

How much were Arsenal going to have to pay to secure the services of Julian Draxler? What said the experts in the media?

FTBPRO: “There is an interesting story doing the rounds today linking Arsenal with a move for the very impressive Julian Draxler for a fee of around £15 million.”

Fanatix: “Arsenal submit £26m plus Lukas Podolski bid for German prodigy Julian Draxler”

(Arsenal bought Poldi for a £10.9 million.)

SportDirectNews: “The 19-year-old signed a two-year extension to his contract with the Bundesliga outfit in May of this year but it is understood the midfielder has a £34 million buyout clause.”

Sunday Times: “Arsène Wenger… is now trying to reach agreement with Schalke for their midfield starlet Julian Draxler. Schalke, however, want £38.4m for the 19-year-old.”

IBT: “Arsenal are preparing a £40m bid for Schalke 04 midfielder Julian Draxler, according to the Mirror”

Telegraph: “Draxler, a 19-year-old Germany international midfielder, would be the priority but Schalke are reluctant sellers and would only consider an offer in excess of £40m”

Express: “Schalke slap £60m price tag on Chelsea target Julian Draxler”

Runner Up: Bernard 

The Times:

The Brazilian club admitted last night that the winger will leave for up to £21.5 million after he tries to help them to overturn a 2-0 deficit against Olimpia in the second leg of the Copa Libertadores final.

Or as the Mirror reports:

Bernard, the 20 year old defender subject to interest from Arsenal this summer, seems keen to focus on winning silverware with his current club before discussing his potential move to the Emerates.

“I do not want to be rude or ignorant to anyone. I want to talk about the game. What will happen after Wednesday, I do not know,” he said.

The Look At My Wad Award

Winner: David Moyes:

Isn’t it great that the club says, ‘There’s no budget here, you go get who you want to get, just go and do it’. We are looking at the best players. I do think it’s important that we show people we are carrying on the traditions and trying to take the club forward.”

The No Brainer Award

Winner: Alvaro Negredo

Alvaro Negredo unsure over Manchester City move – MANCHESTER CITY are chasing Spain international Alvaro Negredo – but he’s yet to decide if he wants to move to the Etihad. – Daily Star, July 11

He was thinking about it. Or as Marca reports on July 17:

Negredo: “City is a huge club; it was a no-brainer”

 

The Dream Move Award

Winner: Evening Standard

July 12 – Evening Standard

Everton midfielder Fellaini fears his dream switch to Arsenal will not happen. Fellaini has a £23.5m release clause in his contract that expires on August 15.

July 17 – Evening Standard

Marouane Fellaini will choose Manchester United over Arsenal should both clubs make a bid for the Everton midfielder this summer.

It is believed Fellaini has made moving to Old Trafford his first choice and is hopeful that United will try to sign him.

The Striking A Blow For Facts Award

Winner: Alan Pardew

August 30, Daily Mirror:

Alan Pardew has confirmed that he expects Yohan Cabaye to play for Newcastle against Fulham this weekend, that’s good news for the Toon Army. Pards has left Cabaye on the sidelines while Arsenal were sniffing around, and the fact he’s bringing him back might mean that the danger from Arsenal is now over.

August 24,Daily Mirror:

Yohan Cabaye has gone on strike at Newcastle after refusing to play in Toon’s opening matches of the season, writes The Sunday People. Sunday People Sport can reveal that Cabaye was named in the team to face City on Monday but refused to playa nd returned home to Tyneside instead.

When is a strike not a strike?

The Tin Man Award

Winner: Tin Jedvaj 

Albany Times Union: Roma has signed teenage defender Tin Jedvaj from Dinamo Zagreb… Roma has paid 5 million euros to Dinamo for the 17-year-old Jedvaj.

The Metro says the swoop is a sign of Spurs “future proofing”.

The You  Can Insult Me All You Want For That Money

Winner: Everton and Newcastle United

Everton have described Manchester United’s £28m joint bid for Marouane Fellaini and Leighton Baines as “derisory and insulting”.

The Blame The Chariman If It All Goes Wrong Award

Winner: Andre Villas-Boas

“The chairman said that we are not open to offers, whatever they are, and that the player will stay. In football anything can happen, but these are the guarantees given to me.”

 

The Jumped The Gunners Award

Winner: The Sun

The You Really Can Trust Me Award

Winner: John W. Henry

“We are not going to sell Luis… “I’m unequivocal that we won’t sell to Arsenal, whatever the bid is.”

 

 

The New Gareth Bale Award

Winners: New Gareth Bales

Daily Express: “Spurs want ‘new Gareth Bale’ Alvaro Morata included in Real deal for Welshman”

The Fighting Cock: “Andros Townsend: The Next Gareth Bale?”

The Guardian: “50-year-old Welsh wizard: the new Gareth Bale?”

Emirates 24/7: “Arsenal are looking to buy 20-year-old left-sider Acharaf Laazar, dubbed the ‘new Gareth Bale’.”

Liverpool FC.com: “Alex Pritchard…’The next Gareth Bale’”

CaughtOffside: “Luke Shaw has been dubbed the ‘New Gareth Bale’”

IBT: “According the latest reports, North London-based Premiership side Arsenal are planning to make an offer for Italian Serie B side Varese’s young defender Acharaf Laazar who has been dubbed the new Gareth Bale”

AND:

Sabotage Times: “‘Gareth Bale: ‘I Want To Be The New David Beckham’”

RantSpots: “Tottenham Hotspur Star Gareth Bale May Be the New Cristiano Ronaldo”

The Luis Surez Award for Consistency Off The Pitch

Winner: Luis Suarez:

“Right now the Premier League is the biggest and most important league. My record shows that I’m not the kind of player who wants to change clubs every season and I would have no problem playing in England for many more years.”

Earlier:

“I’m not prepared to continue to put up with the English press. I love Liverpool, but if there is a chance of playing somewhere else…I suffered too much as a kid to get where I am to be attacked unfairly by the English press. They haven’t appreciated me as a player, they’ve just judged my attitude.”

Runner-Up: Joey Barton:

The CV Writing Award

Winner: Henry winter in The Telegraph:

Buyer beware: whoever signs Liverpool want-away striker Luis Suárez is getting a toxic cheat

The Luis Suarez Award For Seeking Honesty

Winner: Luis Suarez

“Last year I had the opportunity to move to a big European club and I stayed on the understanding that if we failed to qualify for the Champions League the following season I’d be allowed to go. I gave absolutely everything last season but it was not enough to give us a top-four finish – now all I want is for Liverpool to honour our agreement.

“It is not as if I am asking to move to a local rival. And I would not consider moving to a club outside the Champions League. I have made my desire to move known in private various times and now it feels like the time for me to make it public. I have to put my career first. People say Liverpool deserve more from me but I have scored 50 goals in less than 100 games and now they could double the money they paid for me.

“I spoke with Brendan Rodgers several times and he told me: ‘Stay another season, and you have my word if we don’t make it then I will personally make sure that you can leave.

“I am 26, I need to be playing in the Champions League. I feel I have done enough to be playing in the Champions League at this stage of my career. Now there is an option for me to do that and I want very much to take it.”

The Give The Door A  Kick on The Way Out Award

Winner: Pepe Reina

In an open letter to Liverpool fans he wrote:

I am disappointed that I will not be part of that and although it was not my decision to leave I will accept it just like I have always accepted any decision that Liverpool have taken for me…

But if I have one regret, it is the way that I am leaving. It is only natural that I would be disappointed that the Liverpool management agreed to loan me to Napoli without telling me first, I thought that I deserved better than that…

I was surprised that Liverpool decided it was in the club´s interests to send me to Napoli instead.

On the way out he gives Brendan Rodgers a kick:

None of this will change my feelings for the club or the people in any way and now I have to look forward to a new challenge with Rafa Benitez, who I consider to be the best manager I have worked with…

Here’s what Rodgers said of Reina. On June 22, Rodgers told one and all what the signing of Simon Mignolet meant for Pepe:

“Pepe Reina and I went out for a meal a couple of months before the end of the season and I told him exactly what we were going to do, which was to provide real competition in that area.”

With Reina now at Napoli, Rodgers now adds:

“It was obviously a difficult decision. From last season I was led to believe that we were going to get an offer for Pepe that would probably see him leave the club…

“It wouldn’t have served any purpose, both for the club and him personally, if he’d been the one missing out.”

What about the competition and loyalty, Brendan?

The Didier Drogba Award For Selective Amnesia

Winner: Jose Mourinho

Jose Mourinho says Fernando Torres should be worried about the impending arrive of Wayne Rooney:

“I think he’ll be pleased because during his time here he was basically the only striker.”

Two words Jose: Didier Drogba…

The Gareth Bale is An Idiot Award

 Winner: Former Spurs manager David Pleat:

 ”I think he’s a little bit young to go abroad. I doubt he’d find it easy. Many have failed when they have moved overseas. One or two have succeeded, but not many. Most have had a difficult time.”

We recall that one of Pleat’s first jobs at Spurs was to sign Nico Claesen, the 24-year-old Belgian.

Runner Up: Harry Redknapp:

He’s not an over-ambitious lad. He wants to be successful obviously but he’s not someone I can see moving to Real Madrid at this stage in his life.

The Award For Excellence In Piggy Backing

Winner:  Gareth Bale’s agent Jonathan Barnett in The Daily Telegraph:

“I have been involved in some of the most difficult transfers you can possibly imagine over the years but this was the most rewarding one I have had the pleasure of negotiating.”

Ends.

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, September 2013 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment

Mother persuaded to let her 4-year-old finish her drawings reveals the great results

MICA Angela Hendricks shared her new sketchbook with her 4-year-old daughter. She didn’t want to. But the child told her: “If you can’t share, we might have to take it away if you can’t share.” Mica caved in. Her daughter set about finishing her mother’s illustrations. “Not surprisingly, I LOVED what she drew,” says Mica. “I had drawn a woman’s face, and she had turned her into a dinosaur-woman. It was beautiful, it was carefree, and for as much as I don’t like to share, I LOVED what she had created. Flipping through my sketchbook, I found another doodle of a face I had not yet finished. She drew a body on it, too, and I was enthralled. It was such a beautiful combination of my style and hers. And she LOVED being a part of it. She never hesitated in her intent. She wasn’t tentative. She was insistent and confident that she would of course improve any illustration I might have done. …And the thing is, she DID.”

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, September 2013 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comments (2)

When sport gets dirty: the sports stars who urinated on the pitch

WHEN sport gets dirty

‘Wicketleaks’ – the story (leaked by two Australian journalists) that England cricketers urinated on the hallowed Oval square after an evening of victory celebration – has apparently been resolved by an apology from the players involved.

However, high-minded criticism heaped upon them by the likes of Shane Warne has focused on the idea that they have in some way ‘disrespected’ the sport in general and Oval’s tradition in particular. (This, remember is the ground that was until recently named the Foster’s Oval, after a commercially manufactured brand of Australian piss.)

But at least they, like Monty Panesar earlier in the month, did not perform their al fresco urination during the game itself. The same, sadly, cannot be said for exponents of less classy games.

David Fleming wrote the seminal article on sporting incontinence.

In it, he cites a survey by the Oklahoma Foundation for Digestive Research, which found that 72 per cent of conditioned athletes have suffered from lower-intestine distress.

And that’s without even considering the weak bladders.

Anorak

Posted: 31st, August 2013 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment

In 1964 the FBI Martin Luther King this letter urging him to kill himself (photos)

FIFTY ears ago today Martin Luther King delivered his I Have A Dream speech. His address to 250,000 civil-rights supporters, from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, was a defining moment of the American civil rights movement.

In November of 1964, fearful of his connection to the Communist Partythrough Stanley Levison, the FBI anonymously sent Martin Luther King the following threatening letter, along with a cassette that contained allegedly incriminating audio recordings of King with women in various hotel rooms — the fruits of a 9 month surveillance project headed by William C. Sullivan.Unsurprisingly, King saw the strongly worded letter as an invitation for him to take his own life, as did an official investigation in 1976 which concluded that the letter “clearly implied that suicide would be a suitable course of action for Dr. King.”

Anorak

Posted: 28th, August 2013 | In: Flashback, Key Posts | Comment