Money Category
Money in the news and how you are going to pay and pay and pay
The Maan Al Sanea Case Teaches How To Live Like A Billionaire
THANKS to Saudi Arabian businessman Maan al Sanea’s appearance at the High Court, London, we get to see how a billionaire lives.
Maan al Sanea has failed to overturn a $9.2bn freezing order on his worldwide assets. But the law says he now allowed $4m spending money a year. And he needs the cash.
We worry if Mr Sanea can manage to eke out an existence on £4million a year? The FT:
The judge raised a cap on Mr Sanea’s living expenses from $10,000 a week to $1m a quarter, although even this fell well short of the sum of at least $30m a year that he had requested.
Mr Beazley [Tom Beazley QC, his lawyer] said the initial $10,000 limit was far too harsh for someone who had been recognised as one of the richest people in the world.
It’s not just about standards:
“He spends $800,000 on electricity, gas, telephone, water and satellite bills every month,” Mr Beazley told the judge. “He has a zoo, my lord.” The zoo includes lions and giraffes, according to Mr Sanea’s legal team.
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Get Your Man A Michael Jackson Hair Tattoo
DO you want hair like Michael Jackson? Well, thanks to Artistry Hair Repalcement Concepts you can.
No, it’s not the thick, jet black nylon wave hair that the fans loved – the hair that, some say, coincided with Bubbles’ removal from the limelight.
This is tattoo hair. With tattoo hair you can have many hairs as your head can take.
From slap head to skin head – eh, voila!
Tesco Introduces Products For Over 65s Only
EMMA Sheppard is unable to buy a packet of teaspoons from her local Tesco’s in Evesham, Worcester.
The check out operative has studied the ‘Think 25’ scheme, and wonders if Emma is old enough – over 25 – to buy teaspoons.
Emma is 21. She is with her partner John, who is 20.
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Posted: 2nd, October 2009 | In: Money | Comments (5)
The Wisconsin Tourist Federation Introduces The World’s Worst Corporate Logos
THE Wisconsin Tourism Federation (WTF) will now be known as the Tourism Federation of Wisconsin (TFW).
No longer will people hear that Wisconsin has a tourism body called WTF. Now news that Wisconsin is open to tourists will be met with the exclaim TFoW, or Why?
The new log is showcased her – and Anorak looks at other unfortunate corporate logos…
Posted: 30th, September 2009 | In: Key Posts, Money | Comment
Serena Williams’ Clenched Fist Tampax Applicator
SERENA Williams is the face, rant and fluids of Tampax. Not too long ago, Williams threatened to choke a tennis referee with her balls.
Now Williams is a hero to women.
The New York Post cites the “uncomfortably graphic video version of the ad”. There is talk of “bad blood”, “aunt flo” and “plenty of blood”.
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Face Of Tesco’s Is Illegal Immigrant
TESCO worker Fatou Cham, 32, face of the store’s Florence and Fred, came to the UK from Gambia in 1998 on a student visa but stayed after it expired in 2001.
To help our the border police, Tesco stuck a label on Ms Cham’s head:
“Designed by F&F. Priced by Tesco. Modelled byFatou, checkout number 6, Tesco, east London.”
Any more clues, needed, lads?
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Posted: 27th, September 2009 | In: Money | Comments (11)
Scotland’s Anti-Golf Protestors Manage To Parody Donald Trump, In Pictures
THE locals are not all in favour of tsunami-haired Donald Trump’s £1bn golf resort plans in Aberdeenshire. The locals have lampooned The Don.
Can you parody Donald Trump? Yes you can. The impossible dream has been achieved. The MLF has dressed up statues around Scotland as the American tycoon.
Yeah, don, they’re making statues of you already.
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Posted: 25th, September 2009 | In: Money | Comment (1)
How Michael Moore Swallowed Esquire’s Capitalism
MICHAEL Moore has a new film, Capitalism: A Love Story. It’s got a happy ending; or does it die from cancer in a private hospital and the only survivor left to tell the tale is a multi-millionaire?
Jim Geraghty notes (via Andrew Sullivan):
[Will Ferrell] is by some accounts the highest paid star in Hollywood (Forbes said this year he was merely the 20th-highest-paid). On a similar note, I was stunned to learn that you have to pay money to watch Michael Moore’s movie about the evils of capitalism.
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Posted: 24th, September 2009 | In: Money | Comment (1)
Pearls Are The New Diamonds
The recession is over. Says the Telegraph: “Diamonds begin to sparkle again”
The story is illustrated by this image of pearls.
Look out for “Pearls are the new diamonds” and other exciting shiny news.
How To Spot A BT Scam Artist
BT has issued a warning that its customers are being scammed by a people claiming to be from the company and then taking money under false pretences.
The ploy:
The scammers call up their victim and warn them that their account is in arrears. They then ask for card or bank details in order to settle the account. If the person refuses or asks for proof, the fraudsters then offer to prove who they are by disconnecting the phone line then and there. Once the victim puts the phone down, the scammer stays connected to their line, thus giving the impression that the customer’s line no longer works.
How to spot a fake BT caller:
Does the caller sound as if they are talking down a tin can from a beach in Goa?
Yes: It’s BT
No: It’s BS
Does the caller ask you a series of questions about your personal life and then when asked for their full name reply that they won’t provide it because to do so is an invasion of their privacy?
Yes: BT
No: BS
When you ask to speak to a supervisor are you put on hold and forced to listen to how important your call is to BT and then after some minutes repeat the complaint you made earlier to a new person called Julie?
Yes: BT
No: BS
Having dealt with BT do you desire to plant your fist through a computer screen and declare war on India?
Yes: BT
No: BS
Is the scammer reliable?
Yes: BS
No: BT
Failing that, here’s our video guide – NSFW:
Posted: 19th, September 2009 | In: Money | Comments (4)
Joan Collins Turns Boris Johnson Into Michael Winner
IT’S London Fashion Week, in which London’s fashionable get to sit on small, lightweight chairs by long, thin stages and guess whose will creak the most, and least.
At the Caroline Charles show, at the BFC tent at Somerset House in central London, local mayor Boris Johnson got a front-row seat for his seat, and looked about as comfortable as a hamster with its teeth removed in Toa Bora caves.
But then Joan Collins arrived, and Johnson looked a like a less smoky version of Michael Winner.
Here are the pictures. Mind where you’re looking, Boris. It’s a runway for high end fashion and serious clothes, not a Spectator magazine casting call…
Brixton Launches Its Own Currency
BRIXTON in South London has brought out its own local currency to stimulate trade in local shops, for local people. It’s local news in a local setting in a local… etc. Anorak investigates the green shoots of recovery…
Dunkin’ Donuts Sued Over Toddler’s Too Hot Hash Browns
IN the USA, where everyone is a victim waiting to file a claim, a Franklin, Mass. couple would like Dunkin’ Donuts to pay them $200,000 in damages because their progeny, one Cullen MacLeod, 23 months, burned his neck on a “dangerously hot” hash brown.
It is said that the lad did suffer “serious and permanent burn injuries” after the hot hash brown fell from his mouth and onto his neck, where it “stuck”.
Indeed, dear reader, these parents are playing with fire: a) feeding junk food for a minor is child abuse, is it not?; b) where is the boy’s fork and napkin tucked into his collar?; c) isn’t a hash brown a gateway drug?
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Posted: 15th, September 2009 | In: Money | Comments (2)
Bernie Madoff’s Palm Beach Home, In Pictures
WANT to see how a fraudster Bernie Madoff spent your money? These are pictures of his Palm Beach holiday home on sale for $8.5m.
Posted: 11th, September 2009 | In: Money | Comment (1)
Working Parents Increase Child Poverty
Headline of the day is in the Guardian, where in we learn about matter of child poverty:
Child poverty reduced if both parents go to work
Well, you can’t argue with the research.
Posted: 11th, September 2009 | In: Money | Comment (1)
Ulster Bank Offers Student Account Holders Free Strip Show
STUDENTS holding an account at Ulster Bank receive a goody bag, featuring free entry to an afternoon strip show at the local Metro Bar.
Where they can meet geography graduates paying off their student debt in coupons…
Bud Light Lime Is The Taste Of Anal Sex, Advert Claims
IF you like Budweiser, you’re an American who takes it in the can. If you like Budweiser Lite you like anal sex. Hey, Wazzzzzup…you?
The can is another name for a toilet, and anyone who has tasted Bud Light Lime will attest that the link between the beverage and licking a toilet seat dribbled in pet urine is apt.
This new viral online ad from DDB is meant, we imagine, to remind viewers that Bud Light Lime now comes in cans, while jokingly equating the drink with anal sex.
This might not be the best marketing ploy. And the cans pun has been done better.
Anorak recalls a pun of some years hence in which two John Smiths’ knotted hankies are sat on a French Riviera beach eyeing a challenging baguette. John Smiths is available in Cannes, though, so all is well.
In this Budweiser advert, DBB seduces new drinkers by reminding them that Bud Light Lime is the taste of anal sex.
“I never thought I’d enjoy getting it in the can as much as I do,” shares a housewife.
“I gave it to my boss in the can,” says an office drone.
“I’m gonna get it in the can in about five minutes,” says a young woman.
The link between anal sex and Budweiser is a stable. In this advert, onanist ‘Jim Scott’ buys a copy of Tongue In Cheeks Mag, gets a free vibrator and a huge phallus. Better had out hero been forced to buy the magazine to hide his shame at buying such a terrible drink, perhaps wrapping the jazz mags about his bottles to hide his shame?
Spotter: Jeremy Mullman, Patrick T. Davis
Barbie Doll Jewellery, With Demi Moore
BARBIE has for years taught would-be women haters, coroners, Jaycee Dugard’s alleged rapists, film goers, coke heads, Demi Moore voodoo model makers and all of them how woman can be pulled apart, burnt and reassembled into something far more imaginative.
Designer Margaux Lange is “fascinated with who the Barbie is as a cultural icon, her distinguished celebrity status and the enormous impact she has had on our society“. So she’s made bits of Barbies into jewellery.
None of those Barbie pudendum feature in the works, but Old Mr Anorak has for many years usefd them as gas masks for his Afrikakorps gerbil platoon as they re-enact the siege of Tobruk.
50 Things You Never Knew About Barbie
The Most Bizarre And Worst Celebrity Dolls Ever Made
The rest can be made into these:
Germany’s LadyBag Trumps Victoria Beckham’s Portable Toilet
INTRODUCING the Ladybag, the disposable portably lavatory for women who need to go, and don’t just want to dump in their handbags.
It looks like Adam’s condom, the one adapted from Eve’s fig leaf, or a tropical fish coming up for bait.
It turns out that the Ladybag isn’t for excreta but for urine. The woman pees in the Ladybag, sides saddle and Ladylike, and the absorbent polymers within turn urine into a gel that can be used to style hair or repel men.
Says Ladybag inventor Eva Tinter to Germany’s Der Spiegel magazine.
“It can be used in cars, or to avoid dirty toilets or at open-air festivals when you don’t want to queue. You can just nip round the back of the toilet and use this. There’s never been a product like this in this form.”
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Posted: 3rd, September 2009 | In: Money | Comments (3)
Lublin University, Poland, Turns White People Black
AFTER Microsoft was accused of trying to be relevant to the community it served by swapping the black man for a white boy, the University of Lublin, Poland offers courses in medicine that can turn a black Pole white and white Britisher black. Magick!
It’s lost in translation:
The Medical University of Lublin educated 14 thousand physicians (including over 100 graduates of the Englisha Language Division), 2.5 thousand dentists, 6.5 thousand pharmacists and 5 thousand nurses.
The University employs about one thousand people, including almost 100 professors, almost 90 habilitated doctors, and almost 700 Ph.Ds. There are 125 sites within the University – chairs, departments and clinics.
The Poles:
The British:
The spotter
The iPhone Swine Flu App
SWINE Flu: Thanks to Children’s Hospital Boston, Mass. you can now download an iPhone application that tells you where the swine flu is, and isn’t.
Boston, Mass. – A new iPhone application, created by researchers at Children’s Hospital Boston in collaboration with the MIT Media Lab, enables users to track and report outbreaks of infectious diseases, such as H1N1 (swine flu), on the ground in real time.
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The Snuggie Sutra Sex Blanket Guide
THE Snuggie – the fleece moomoo – “keeps you totally warm and gives you the freedom to use your hands.”
Anorak delivers to your the Snuggie Sutra, the Snuggie guide to keeping snug during sex.
And because “one size fits all” you only need one and wait for the orgy to come to you:
Microsoft Showcases New Black Employee Eradication Software
SENSITIVE to race issues, Microsoft has showcased its new black employee widget. Now you can work with black people without actually having to work with black people.
On the US Microsoft website, you can see this picture:
On the company’s Polish site, you get this picture:
Can you spot the difference?
That’s right. In the second picture the woman is not being raped. And she is not pregnant.
The Asian man remains proud of his superiors’ clean shirts…
East London Cash Machines Get Regional Dialects
ON Commercial Street, close to gentrified Spitalfields Market in east London, bankers at the cash machine can withdraw their money guided by Cockney rhyming slang.
The typical tourist or marketing professional using the machine will feel quite the little pencil squeezer as he takes hold of his Ayrton.
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Posted: 25th, August 2009 | In: Money | Comments (2)
Gordon Brown Hit In The Face With An Egg
GORDON Brown places his monocle to his eye – no, the other one- and sees recovery ahead. He also sees an egg.
Britain appears to be on the verge of economic recovery amid signs that the worst downturn in decades may be coming to an end…. The positive news on the economy will be welcomed by Gordon Brown…
Very soon Britons will not have to turn to loan sharks for money to buy food and eggs and bread but can turn again to the banks and get credit cards to buy milk, eggs and bread at slightly less threatening rates of interest.
(A loan shark, Robert Reynolds, charged a woman a total of £88,000 over seven years to meet a debt of just £500 taken out to buy a computer.)
Bankers are good. Loan sharks are bad. Remember this handy guide, mums and dads: You are a banker. He is a money lender. They are loan sharks.
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Posted: 6th, August 2009 | In: Money | Comment (1)
