Money Category
Money in the news and how you are going to pay and pay and pay
Catholic Monasteries Offer Live Like A Monk Faliraki Weekenders
TIME to get away, and what better place to go than a Monastic Experience Weekend at Worth Abbey, East Sussex.
Says the brochure:
To become a monk of Worth, a person must firstly be an active member of the Roman Catholic Church. Secondly, a candidate comes to stay as a guest for a few days and then returns for several more visits at regular intervals. St Benedict says: ‘Do not grant newcomers to the monastery an easy entry but test the spirits to see if they are from God (1 Jn 4:1).’
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 9th, February 2009 | In: Money | Comments (6)
Snout Of Order: Cap Bonuses And Investors Paid First
SNOUT Of Order: Petition To Cap Bankers’ Bonuses: Vince Cable and Belgium and bust:
Says Vince Cable:
Managers now seek their ‘bonuses’, arguing that their unique skills are needed to dig the bank out of the hole they created. This is a little like the managers of a hospital with a terrible record of poor hygiene and premature deaths surviving the sack, then demanding more money as an incentive to improve.
Read the rest of this entry »
Tissues Fail: Facial Tissues
TISSUES are not just tissues.
There are Handy Andy tissues.
There are Mansized tissues.
And now in Sainsbury’s ther are “Facial Tissues”
Tissues for sticky fingered adolescents and all the family…
Spotter: Michael K.
Posted: 8th, February 2009 | In: Money, Photojournalism | Comment
Cap The Banker: RBS Staff £1Billion Bonus
ROYAL Boyal Bank of Scotland plans to reward staff with £1billion in bonuses.
Your money. Their bonus.
Sign the petition: Snout Of Order: Petition To Cap Bankers’ Bonuses
The Royal Bank of Scotland is proposing to pay almost £1 billion in bonuses to its staff. That is the same RBS resused by a £20 billion taxpayer bail-out.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 7th, February 2009 | In: Money | Comments (3)
The British High Street For Sale
“FOR SALE,” says the Indy’s front page, “The British High Street.”
Anorak has walked down the local high street and done and inventory of the kind of stock your money can buy.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 6th, February 2009 | In: Money | Comments (4)
99-Year-Old Zhou Zhiping On Trial For 130 Trillion U.S. Dollars Fraud
IN the Beijing Times 99-year-old Zhou Zhiping is up before the Beak, charged with robbing a Mr Chen of 749,000 yuan.
Zhou is the “oldest suspect in Beijing on record.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Banker Of The Week: Royal Bank of Scotland’s Sir Tom McKillop
ROYAL Bank of Scotland chairman Sir Tom McKillop, 65, stepped down three months ahead of schedule. He hopes for a new trouble-free life on a golf course somewhere.
The surprise move comes a week before McKillop and the cheerful cheeky chappie of banking RBS chief executive Sir Fred Goodwin are due to appear before the Treasury select committee to answer questions about the bank’s massive and unforgivable cock-ups.
Read the rest of this entry »
Karl Lagerfeld’s Credit Crunch Survival Tips
KARL Lagerfeld has a new range of clothing:
“Mr. Lagerfeld said he cut the VIP section to create ‘equality in an unfair world.'”
His minimalist clothes for Chanel were inspired by white paper, and embodied what he terms “New Modesty.” After the show, he implored everybody to “stop crying” over the slowdown.
Lagerfeld’s new range is inspired by the credit cruch, with those choppy falling graph lines ideally suited to silk and the hem of his haute couture range of evening ware and safari pyjamas.
Read the rest of this entry »
Do Not Eat The Brown Snow
BROWN. Snow. Don’t eat it:
The economic impact of today’s catastrophic snowfall has been calculated! And according to the Federation of Small Businesses it is…
£1,200,000,000
Which, by unhappy coincidence is just about the size of the government’s small business bailout fund – which clocks in at £1.3bn.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 2nd, February 2009 | In: Money | Comment (1)
How To Make A Profit From You Home In A Falling Market, With Suduko
YOU can win a house if you win a game of sudoku with Dave Mackie.
Q: So where is the catch…
A: Quite simply there isn’t one. Providing you have used your skill, knowledge & judgement to correctly complete the Sudoku, paid the £50 Entry Fee you are eligible for the draw. The winner gains the house free from any mortgage, we gain the market value for our house. IF sufficient numbers of successful entrants has not been reached by February 2010 then someone wins a cash prize & we are ringing round Estate Agents.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 1st, February 2009 | In: Money | Comments (4)
How To Win The Lottery Like An Australian Hedge Fund Trader
INVESTMENT group invests $5 Million to hedge bets in Australian Lottery.
The prize: $27 million. The nume3bs to get right: 6. Cot per ticket: $1.00.
In the Virginia game, there are 7,059,052 possible combinations of numbers. So someone who buys one ticket has odds of 1 in slightly more than 7 million. Having more tickets increases the odds of winning, so that 1 million tickets have odds of 1 in 7.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 1st, February 2009 | In: Money | Comment (1)
Cameron’s Conservatives Pan For Gold In Japanese Sewage
IN Japan, the local pass gold in their stools. Muck and brass. To the sewerage plant in Nagano prefecture, northwest of Tokyo
And the workers are panning for gold. David Cameron, pay attention:
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 31st, January 2009 | In: Money | Comment (1)
Dear Richard Branson: The Virgin Airlines Complaint Letter
A LETTER of company to Mr Richard Branson, leader of the Virgin, he of the impressive (h)airline:
Dear Mr Branson
REF: Mumbai to Heathrow 7th December 2008
I love the Virgin brand, I really do which is why I continue to use it despite a series of unfortunate incidents over the last few years. This latest incident takes the biscuit.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 30th, January 2009 | In: Money | Comments (10)
Situations Vacant: 20-year-old 18-year-old
WANTED, woman older than her years…
Posted: 28th, January 2009 | In: Money, Photojournalism | Comment (1)
Warning Signs: In Case Of Affluence
IN case of affluence please wait outside…
Posted: 27th, January 2009 | In: Money, Photojournalism | Comment
Sponsor An Executive: An Appeal
SPSONSOR an executive – make a difference…
Spotter – June
Posted: 27th, January 2009 | In: Money | Comment (1)
Bank Of America Walks Off A Cliff
One of the few songs not played at sometime during the Obamafest was the ever topical ‘Where have all the flowers gone’, with that ever appropriate despairing enquiry ‘When will they ever learn?’, and now we know why. The Bank of America must have bought the copyright and locked it in the vaults to prevent us humming it while reading the latest thrilling episode of ‘Stupidity on Wall St’, because the latest thrilling episode is about as stupid as it gets….
Read on in the Forums
Hamas Celebrates Jermome Kerviel’s Going Long On Terror
NEW reaches us that the Pealstianian woman seen celtating the deaths of so many in the 9/11 attack was an investor with Jermome Kerviel.
Kerviel is the workaholic (30 hours a semain!), anti-Anglo French hero French bankeur who perpetuated a huge fraud.
Kerviel is reclling how in the immediate aftermath of the 7/7 bombings on London he made £350,000.
“At first I celebrated like mad because I didn’t know about the bombs and thought the share price had fallen because London had been hit by a major power cut. I thought I’d hit the jackpot by short-selling Allianz stock, making a half-a-million euro killing in a few minutes.”
Over in the Palestinian territories, a woman who does not want to be named says:
Read the rest of this entry »
Gold Hits Record Highs, And We’ve Sold It All
GOLD. It hit a new record in sterling yesterday.
Well, OK, mainly because the pound fell to a 23-year low against the Obama dollar.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 22nd, January 2009 | In: Money | Comments (2)
Homo Milk Make Your Gay
GOT milk? Got “HOMO” milk?
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 22nd, January 2009 | In: Money, Photojournalism | Comments (3)
The Great Magic Cheese Pyramid Con
YOU want the “magic cheese”. Put down the scrotum. The foreskin. And take up the magic cheese:
France is investigating what it says is a scam mounted by a French woman who sold thousands of Chileans kits to make “magic cheese” for French beauty products, an official said on Tuesday.
Read the rest of this entry »
How To Make A Million: The International Bestseller
WANT to know how to earn a million? Russians do, and they’ve been buying the book that tells them just how.
Want to know what it says?
Just one word: work.
The book is to be worldwide smash, and Anorak has obtained exclusive copies of some other version:
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 21st, January 2009 | In: Money | Comment (1)
Britain Is Iceland-on-Thames, Says Kerry Katona
WHO said:
“With the amount of red ink in the UK budget deficit next year, together with the amount of new liabilities the taxpayer is having to underwrite, we look like Iceland-on-Thames.
“The open question is whether we can get through this without a loan from the IMF.”
Will Hutton – Former editor-in-chief for The Observer
Peter Hitchens – Scowling Mail columnist
Kenneth Clarke – The hush puppy cometh
Alistair Darling – He who must be obeying
Olivier Blanchard – Chief economist at the International Monetary Fun
Kerry Katona – Face of Iceland
Answer…
Read the rest of this entry »
Major Safety Fault Found With US Airlines
SHOCK. Horror. News reaches us that the landing in New York might not have been an emrgency manoeuvre by the pilot. CNN reports that…
“For the first time since jet airliners took to the sky, U.S. carriers have gone two years without a single passenger fatality”…
…is blown out of the skies, literally!
A single year without fatalities has occurred only four times since 1958, an analysis by the Air Transport Association found.
But it’s just dumb luck. Anorak’s aviation experts have analysed the picture (above) and found it to be systematic of systematic failure in airline systems.
Spotter – Jay T.
Posted: 19th, January 2009 | In: Money, Photojournalism | Comment
