Money Category
Money in the news and how you are going to pay and pay and pay
Job Gains Update (Video)
JOB losses are high. Job gains: Gordon Brown has a new fitness trainer and Arsenal are looking for a holding midfield player…
Mumbai Terrorists Foul Foul Of Intellectual Property Rights
CHENIER loosk at how the Mumbai murderers broke the rules when they killed so many with grenades. Release the lawyers!
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Posted: 20th, December 2008 | In: Money | Comment (1)
Belgian Agency Holds Online Sack An Employee Contest
“A BELKIAN creative agency” – ho-ho; yes, we know – “needs to fire one of their people due to the crisis.”
No, not the crisis in Belgian creativity, another one:
“But because they cannot pick, they leave the choice up to you. Take a look at the people who work at So Nice and fire one of them.”
Fire a Belgian sounds like better show than a website.
Poirot would know what to so…
Posted: 19th, December 2008 | In: Money | Comment (1)
China And Somalia Open Capital Markets
CHINESE sailors fight with Somalian pirates to see which can run the world’s economy.
But hold on, guys. Why fight.
If China can make the stuff and Somalians run the distribution network, it could all save the global financial markets yet.
Hurraaaaaaah!
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Posted: 19th, December 2008 | In: Money | Comment (1)
Sardines Storm Virgin Trains
SIR Richard Branson has been sent sardines by a rail passenger group upset by cuts to Virgin Trains services.
The Lancashire Evening Post reports the news but fails in one key item: raw, tinned or grilled and served on bed of rice and peppers?
The Post thunders on:
Warrington-based campaign group TrainSardine.org is angry that some direct West Coast Main Line rush-hour trains to London from the Cheshire town have been reduced by 50%.
The change follows the introduction of a new timetable after the completion of the £9bn West Coast Main Line upgrade.
A spokesman said: “Billions spent for a reduced service – great.”
That might well be sarcastic, or not. There is a danger that the doyens at Virgin may construe TrainSardine as a fan club, lots of train enthusiasts pulling on grey beards and big teeth at weekly meets.
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Small Cars Better When Crashed
HEADLINE news of the day: the auto industry:
“Small Cars Improve in Crashes”
So say the Wall Street Journal and nine out of ten crash-test dummies…
Posted: 17th, December 2008 | In: Money | Comment (1)
Goldman Sachs Looks After Goldman Sachs
GOLDMAN Sachs know all about money:
Despite losing $2.1 billion in the quarter just ended, Goldman Sachs has increased the ratio of dosh paid to Goldman staff to 48 percent of all revenue.
Of course it claims that this is not just the usual bonuses all round, and points to the fact that it has sacked 10% of its staff in the quarter to prove that they really do share the pain of its shareholders who have watched the value of their shares crumble into the dust.
So Goldman says they are fine, but then they would say that, wouldn’t they?
The ratings agency, Moody’s Investors Service, disagreed and lowered its long-term credit rating on Goldman Sachs to A1 from Aa3.
Some people have no appreciation of the need to support the brightest and the best…
– Chenier
Posted: 17th, December 2008 | In: Money | Comment (1)
Fast Food Rivals React To Burger King Perfume
BURGER King has brought its scent to market, allowing fans of ready-to-wear meat-based products to smell of friend beef, onions, gherkin, cardboard, bun, a flash of toilet-door-left-open-wee and ketchup away from the shopping precinct, playground and bus.
Flame “captures the essence of that love and gives it to you. Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat.”
Bitches will not be able to resist the smell of Flame, literally, sniffing at your genitalia, nibbling your body parts and taking a huge chunck of flesh from your inner thigh in an orgy only David Attenborough can imagine.
Bitches will go crazy for your whopper! Hey, if it worked for Elvis.
With Flame selling like hot beef sandwiches, other will bring their own scents to the fore, competing for market share.
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Posted: 16th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Money | Comments (2)
They Work For You: Foreigners Take Every British Job
DID you know that “1.3 migrants took EVERY Brit vacancy since 2001”? All true. “THEY’VE STOLEN ALL OUR JOBS,” says the front-page headline
The Star, on whose cover this research features, does not list the names of the hard-working immigrants. But they’ve been upping their output.
As the BBC reported way back in October 2007:
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Parents Snap Up Crap Presents At Woolworths Sale
THANKS to the cruncher of Woolworths, millions of kiddies will be getting crappy presents this year.
Says one shopper:
“I hadn’t been in Woollies for years. But now I know it to be full of the kind of crap you give people you don’t like all that much.”
Indeed, many teacher this year will not be getting a bottle of alcopops and a Terry’s chocolate orange, but a tin of Fox’s biscuits, a water pistol that fires jets as far as three inches and a DVD of Len Goodman’s ‘Dance To Cliff’…
“Everything must Go-Go-Go,” says Santa…
Posted: 15th, December 2008 | In: Money | Comments (3)
Dubai Palazzo Versace’s Has Cold Sand And Freezing Waters, Like In Skegness
IT’S hot in Dubai. But at the Palazzo Versace the sands are cool.
A network of pipes beneath the sands contains a heat absorbent coolant.
The swimming pool is refrigerated. Huge fans infect the beach with a chill breeze, wafting the smell of hot cooking fat and sugar over the bathers.
Welcome to Dubai. Welcome to New Skegness.
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The Lynch A Lawyer Focus Group
SO, you want to lynch a lawyer?
Was a chunk of the $380 million currently AWOL from Dreier L.L.P.’s vaults your lifetime’s savings, or was it James Beresford and Douglas Smith who skimmed your miner’s compensation and pissed you off bigtime?
For whatever reason, join us here at the Anorak Shakespeare Appreciation Society and you can get to work rehearsing that great masterpiece, Henry VI part II, with particular attention to the seminal scene in which the Bard issued his call to arms:
‘The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers’
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The Expandable Christmas Stocking
CREDIT Crunch watch: The expandable Chritmas stocking for all your present needs:
Children will get HALF as much in their stockings this Christmas – as the credit crunch bites
But on the bright side, Anorak spots the expandable Christmas stocking.
Fill ‘er up, Santa…
Posted: 12th, December 2008 | In: Money, Photojournalism | Comments (3)
How To Sack A Yahoo Worker By Powerpoint: A Leaked Guide
YAHOO is looking to sack lots of staff, 1,500 of them. It’s a big job. Time is of the essense. And for a big new media player this is how to do it:
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Posted: 10th, December 2008 | In: Money | Comments (5)
End Uemployment Obama: Declare More Wars
JOHNATHAN Pearce notices how William Rees-Mogg is rewriting history. Note to Obama: unemployment falls in times of global conflict. Whisper it: does everyone need a job, much less want one? Some people are better at working than others – more productive; more efficient; more willing – so let them work.
Rees-Mogg “makes this statement in his generally admiring writeup on Roosevelt that is surely downright wrong. Not just a teeny-weenie bit wrong, but disastrously so for this whole argument:
In March 1933, when Franklin Roosevelt was inaugurated as president, he had to face the Slump. Unemployment was by then running at about 30 per cent. Roosevelt introduced the New Deal, based on an extensive programme of raising employment through public works. Unemployment did actually fall to about 5 per cent by the time of Roosevelt’s second election victory in 1936. There continued to be stumbles along the way, particularly in 1937.
“Well according to official US statistics referred to here, unemployment certainly did not fall anything like as low as that during FDR’s 1930s period in the White House, and then only dropped significantly once the Second World War started.”
And kept falling…
Banana Monarchy: Britain Is Bigger Credit Risk Than McDonald’s
ONCE great, Great Britain as now revealed to be a bigger credit default risk than McDonald’s.
Ronald or Gordon? Scotland awaits the answer…
Which one’s in the clown boots?
Dec. 9 (Bloomberg) — Investing in U.K. government debt is almost
twice as risky as buying bonds sold by McDonald’s Corp., based on prices
in the credit-default swap market.The CHART OF THE DAY compares the cost of protecting against a decline in the creditworthiness of the two borrowers. U.K. protection became more expensive on Sept. 29, when the pound suffered
its biggest one-day loss against the dollar in 16 years after the government took control of Bradford & Bingley Plc, Britain’s biggest lender to landlords.Britain risks being viewed pejoratively as a banana republic “apart from the technical disqualification that we have a monarch and so cannot be a Republic, and it’s too cold to grow bananas anyway,” says Sean Corrigan, who helps oversee about $8.5 billion as chief investment strategist at Diapason Commodities Management SA in Lausanne, Switzerland.
Yes, we have no bananas, we have no bananas today…
Posted: 9th, December 2008 | In: Money, Photojournalism | Comments (3)
Tribune Group Follows The Curse
LESS than 6 hours after I pointed out that the Tribune Group only had themselves to blame for the inevitable consequences of the lunatically leveraged $13 billion buy-out last year, they filed for bankruptcy.
I repeat, if their financial journos had known what they were doing, they would have realised that the financial markets were f*cked, and that no-one in their right minds would borrow massive sums to buy out something which couldn’t make decent profits even without huge interest costs.
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Metric Martyr Blows Up In the Marketplace
WITH the original Metric Martyr Step Thorburn pushing up carrots, there exists a gap in the tabloids for new hero of pounds and ounces of vegetative flesh.
Shuffle up and show us what’s in your basket Northumberland landowner, James Cookson.
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Posted: 7th, December 2008 | In: Money | Comments (4)
Corporate Jets Cheaper Than Hybrid Cars
IT seems like only yesterday when the Big Three flew in on their corporate jets to tell Congress, and the waiting nation, that they needed $25 billion to keep the wolves from the door, but it was all of a fortnight ago.
This time they drove to Washington in their humble hybrids, which put the price up to $34 billion; obviously corporate jets are real money-savers, and the sooner everyone sarts travelling by them the better.
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Arianna Huffington On The Economy
“You’ve lost your job, you have time to blog” – Arianna Huffington
Posted: 4th, December 2008 | In: Money | Comment (1)
The Money Shot – Financial news to go
Americans have been doing quirky web based news video for some time. Check out here and especially here (she is awesome as they might say across the Pond). But now it seems that the Brits are catching up. The Money Shot is a new weekly slightly strange look at the big fat ever changing world of finance. This week they tell you ‘how to run a football club.’ Next week it will probably be ‘how to buy Woolworths.’ Anorak would love to do out own show. Anyone out there with a vid camera? Do you dare us?
How Capitalism Will Defeat China
CAPITALISM doesn’t work. Free trade has had its day. Now for redistribution and communism. Only:
China’s President has issued a rare warning to the Communist Party, telling officials the global economic crisis could shake its 59-year grip on power.
As Tim Blair puts it: “Capitalism wins even when it’s losing.”
To the shops!
Posted: 2nd, December 2008 | In: Money | Comment (1)
In Latvia The Economy Is A Police Matter
LATVIA. It’s getting to be like the UK:
Well, times are hard all over the world, but Latvia has introduced a new twist in dealing with the crisis in the financial markets; Dmitrijs Smirnovs was arrested by the Security Police for taking a pessimistic view of the Lat.
Since Latvia has a free press this promptly became front-page news, which probably did rather more damage than Mr Smirnov’s original comments, and he’s a free man. Oh, and Latvia is negotiation with the IMF for some assistance with the emphatically wonderful state of its financial markets…
Damian Green makes no comment…
– Chenier
Crime Unit Sees Off Lehman Brothers
OK, so we may have lost an empire, and failed to gain a crack squad of OAP shoplifters, but we Brits can stand tall today; here in the City of London our Dedicated Cheque and Plastic Crime Unit has seen off a strong international challenge from the likes of Lehman Brothers to snatch the trophy.
All we need to do now is find someplace safe to put it…
– Chenier
How To Lose $21.6 Million On Crappy Poker Sites
POKER: game of greed. Online Poker: game for greedy idiots:
‘AbsolutePoker and UltimateBet operate out of a shopping mall in Costa Rica, run their games on computer servers housed on an Indian reservation near Montreal, and are licensed by a Mohawk tribe that has no background in casino gambling and does not answer to federal or provincial regulators.’
Easy, really…
– Chenier
