Politicians Category
Politicans and world leaders making news and in the news, and spouting hot air
Goodnight Jim Crow: Obama And Duelling Democrats In West Virginia
“I HEARD that Obama is a Muslim and his wife’s an atheist,” says Leonard Simpson, a lifelong Democrat.
Some say he has two heads and sleeps on matress stuffed with newborn white babies.
He’s that Muslim with that cray-zee Church preacher, the Muslim Church’s Jeremiah Al-Wright, a relative of Al-Sharpton and Jesse A(L) Jackson.
Obama’s campaign song – You Can Call Me Al – is not being played among the good folks of West Virginia.
As the FT says, Obama is 40 percentage points behind Hillary Clinton for Tuesday’s primary election.
This is Waltons’ country.
Goodnight Jim Crow…
Posted: 12th, May 2008 | In: Politicians | Comments (8)
A Free Taser Deflector With Every ID Card
AFTER the news that CCTV images have made no difference to levels of crime in the UK, the Sun says our boys in near-black blue are to given taser guns.
Says Jacqui Smith, the Home Secretary: “I can envisage a day when they could be routinely issued to all police officers.”
Anorak can envisage the day when CCTVs cameras are all linked by invisible lasers, which when broken trigger a blast of debilitating heat.
The only way to avoid being burnt alive is to carry a deflector, a small chip embedded into every identity card.
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Posted: 12th, May 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment
Conceiving Cherie Blair: A Balmoral Baby And Tony’s Evidence
A PICTURE of Cherie Blair and the headline “I came back from Balmoral pregnant”.
And nine moths later baby Leo was born, the child with the wingnut ears, stuttering speech patterns and carefully arranged hair.
We journey back with Cherie, via the Sun, to 1999, and Cherie is packing for a trip to the royal house.
Says she: “This year I had not packed by contraceptive equipment, out of sheer embarrassment.”
Contraceptives are usually afforded the qualifier “device”, and Cherie’s use of “equipment” conjures images of a kit, one that possibly features a picture of Pope John Paul II, a Claire Short ringtone and a full length mirror.
Fast forward now to the eve of Cherie’s 45th birthday and there is one “shadow on my immediate horizon: My period. Where was it?”
Iraq?
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Posted: 12th, May 2008 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (2)
George Bush’s First Wedding Dance With Daughter Jenna
IS it mere coincidence that as George Bush paprewst to wave a fond “bonjour” to the White House, some man decides to marry one of this daughters?
Jenna Bush is now Mrs Henry Hager. He’s the son of a well-connected Virginia Republican.
And on to the wedding, where Bush is dancing with his daughter. The song? Something by George’s sister Kate Bush, with whom he snorted his first saddle in 1971??
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Posted: 11th, May 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment
After Barack Obama, Now Stevie Wonder Channels Bob The Builder
IT’S The Bob the Builder revolution. Vote Barack Obama. Vite Hillary Clinton.
Posted: 11th, May 2008 | In: Politicians | Comments (2)
Boris Johnson On Islam
BORIS Johnson On Islam:
To any non-Muslim reader of the Koran, Islamophobia – fear of Islam – seems a natural reaction, and, indeed, exactly what that text is intended to provoke. Judged purely on its scripture – to say nothing of what is preached in the mosques – it is the most viciously sectarian of all religions in its heartlessness towards unbelievers. As the killer of Theo Van Gogh told his victim’s mother this week in a Dutch courtroom, he could not care for her, could not sympathise, because she was not a Muslim.
The trouble with this disgusting arrogance and condescension is that it is widely supported in Koranic texts, and we look in vain for the enlightened Islamic teachers and preachers who will begin the process of reform. What is going on in these mosques and madrasas? When is someone going to get 18th century on Islam’s mediaeval ass?
Spotter: Mary Jackson
Posted: 11th, May 2008 | In: Politicians | Comments (9)
Boris Johnson’s Criminal Mind: Lest We Forget Cherie Blair
“BORIS breaks the law,” announces the Mirror on its front page.
Has Boris Johnson, London mayor of mere days been caught out so soon?
Is he drinking a tincture of gin and tonic on the Tube, thus flouting his first initiative?
Nothing of it. Boris was on a bicycle. And the Mirror says that on a trip about the capital he jumped 6 red lights, mounted the pavement and failed to stop at zebra crossing.
This might say more about cyclists, who all behave in such a fashion, more than its reveals about Johnson. Indeed had Johnson been pictured not behaving so his credentials as a bona fide cyclist might have taken a hit from which they would never recover.
But it is all thin edge of the wedge.
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Posted: 11th, May 2008 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (6)
Barack Obama Is Neville Chamberlain For Our Time
BARACK Obama would talk to our enemies – you know, the ones you want to blow you to bits:
In his victory speech after the North Carolina primary, Sen. Barack Obama said something that is all the more remarkable for how little it has been remarked upon.
In defending his stated intent to meet with America’s enemies without preconditions, Sen. Obama said: “I trust the American people to understand that it is not weakness, but wisdom to talk not just to our friends, but to our enemies, like Roosevelt did, and Kennedy did, and Truman did.”
That he made this statement, and that it passed without comment by the journalists covering his speech indicates either breathtaking ignorance of history on the part of both, or deceit.
Posted: 10th, May 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment
Hillary Clinton Ring Tones
HILLARY Clinton ring tone – its; 2:30 am and someone’s cackling on the phone…
Posted: 10th, May 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment
Cheeky By Jowl: Lempit Opik President Of Romania
LEMBIT Opik MP and his Cheeky Girl Gabi, Britain’s’ answer to Nicolas Sarkozy and Carla Bruni, are in Hello! talking about their engagement.
Says Lembit: “My fellow parliamentarians have always been very warm towards me and Gabriela. When she joined me in the Commons one evening, a queue of MPs formed to give her a hug and wish her well.”
You can picture the scene as John Prescott warms his hard on his tray of sweet and sour prawn balls and moves in for the interfratisulated clinch, asking her if there any more like her at ‘ome.
Hello! wants to know what the response has been like to the impending nuptials in Gabi’s native Romania?
“Everybody in Romania has followed every single step of our relationship,” says she,” and Lembit is popular there so the news has been well–received there too.”
Lembit Opik, Liberal Democrat MP for Montgomeryshire, is a hit in Romania? Anorak recalls how Norman Wisdom was big in communist Albania, and how David Hasselhoff achieved pop music success in irony free Germany. Is Opik the Tom Jones of the Carpathians?
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Posted: 10th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, Hello!, Politicians | Comments (2)
Cherie Blair On Gordon Brown Forcing Tony Out
CHERIE Blair’s autobiography is being serialised in the Sun – “the mum of four finally breaks her silence about life in Downing Street.”
The deafening sound of Cherie’s silence? Finally…
Says Cherie: “Tony used to say in terms of ability that Gordon was way ahead of everyone.
“The irony is, if they’d only worked as closely as originally agreed, Gordon’s chance would have come sooner.”
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Posted: 10th, May 2008 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Gordon Brown Says A Briton Invented The iPod
GORDON Brown’s big tent has a soundtrack. It’s the Arctic Monkeys on his iPod. It’s the theme song to Ben 10.
Or is it the last post? Watching Gordon Brown is painful. You just hope the tears hurry up and come and we can all move on.
Posted: 9th, May 2008 | In: Politicians, TV & Radio | Comments (4)
It’s 2:30am And Hillary Clinton Is On The Phone
IT’S Hillary Clinton on line 2. Tell her..:
It’s 2:31 AM. The Democratic Party is sleeping peacefully when it hears its phone buzz on the night stand. It rolls over and sees “Hillary” on the caller ID. It pauses briefly, considering pushing “END” and not dealing with this shit tonight. The thought is appealing but the Democratic Party knows that if it doesn’t take this call, another one is only minutes away.
Posted: 9th, May 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment
It’s Europe Day On May 9
GET your clogs and giant sausage out for Europe Day:
Meanwhile, the 9th of May is Europe Day. Apparently. And this is what the EU website has to say about it:
“On the 9th of May 1950, Robert Schuman presented his proposal on the creation of an organised Europe, indispensable to the maintenance of peaceful relations.
This proposal, known as the “Schuman declaration”, is considered to be the beginning of the creation of what is now the European Union.
“Today, the 9th of May has become a European symbol (Europe Day) which, along with the flag, the anthem, the motto and the single currency (the euro), identifies the political entity of the European Union. Europe Day is the occasion for activities and festivities that bring Europe closer to its citizens and peoples of the Union closer to one another“. How delightful.
Europe is not alone in having a day of fervour named for a continent, as it will be Africa Day on the 25th.
Posted: 9th, May 2008 | In: Politicians | Comments (2)
Ken Livingstone For Sale
KEN Livingstone is for sale…on eBay…
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Posted: 9th, May 2008 | In: Photojournalism, Politicians | Comment (1)
Earth Doctor Al Gore Meets The Ambassador For Polar Bears
SAYS AL Gore, leader of the Al Goreans to the peoples of Ohio: “The planet has a fever.
“If your baby has a fever, you go to the doctor. If the doctor says you need to intervene here, you don’t say, ‘well, I read a science fiction novel that tells me it’s not a problem.’ ”
The Wall Street Journal’s readers hear the words, and respond:
Fevers can be a symptom of either a bacterial or viral issue. A doctor can attempt a solution to a bacterial issue, but not a viral one. A virus has to run its course while the body fights it–and a fever is a sign of the struggle to eliminate the virus. Let’s see a scientific consensus that the Earth’s fever is bacteria-related.
And:
Overreacting is common among parents. I remember one morning when my first child was still an infant. Imagine my horror when I discovered that her temperature had risen to 99.5 degrees, almost a whole degree in just under 12 hours. Naturally, I immediately sat down and built a computer model, which clearly projected that by age 30, her temperature was going to be a staggering 19,710 degrees!
Says Gore: “I am Al Gore. I used to be the next president of the United States of America.
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Posted: 8th, May 2008 | In: Politicians | Comments (3)
Pick Barack Obama: He’s Taller
JEFF Zeleny’s memo to the Superdelegates – Obama is taller:
We played by the rules, set by you, the D.N.C. members, and campaigned as hard as we could, in as many places as we could, to acquire delegates. Essentially, the popular vote is not much better as a metric than basing the nominee on which candidate raised more money, has more volunteers, contacted more voters, or is taller.
And he’s first alphabetically…
Posted: 8th, May 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment
Boris Johnson Is Your Unelected Leader For Watford
BORIS Johnson is the new mayor of London, Ken Livingstone is free to spend more time with his newts, sorry, his children, and the Independent’s Johan Hari is making some snese of it all.
“At last – a solution to my Boris blues! I have just forced myself to read the detailed election stats from last Thursday. It seems the media cliché is true: it’s the angry, whiter outer suburbs that elected Boris, out of rage with the congestion charge and council tax. Boris will forever be the mayor of Zones Four to Six, the chief executive of Watford and Bromley and Amersham”.
Watford and Amersham are not in zones 1-6. Residents of those locales were afforded no vote in the election. And you can’t have a democratically elected leader who you didn’t vote for, at least not outside the US and Zimbabwe.
Posted: 8th, May 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Politicians | Comments (3)
Gordon Brown Does Not Add Up
SAYS political nodding head Steve Richards Independet column on Labour’s drubbing in the local elections:
It can be summarised in three words: “Brown is a disaster”
There’s only one word for that: magic darts…
Posted: 8th, May 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Politicians | Comments (8)
Carla Bruni Gives Queen And Prince Philip Four Crowns
CARLA Bruni, wife to French President Nicolas Sarkozy, La Belle France’s answer to Lempit Opik and his Cheeky Girl, is in conversation with Paris Match magazine.
The Mail listens in and hears Carla mention her trip to Britain.
Says she: “It was like arriving on another planet. Never in my life did I think I would meet the Queen of England.”
And what of that meeting in the Windsors’ rarefied air? She recalls how at Windsor Castle, Her Majesty showed Carla around and opened a door with a cheery: “Here’s your bathroom.”
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Posted: 8th, May 2008 | In: Politicians, Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Kevin Maguire Says Boris Johnson Is Politic’s George Best
SAYS Kevin Maguire in the Mirror: “Cocky David Cameron has privately conceded that he’s not as popular as he’d like us to think.”
Says the Mirror’s deputy political editor, Jason Beattie one page on:
“Gordon Brown was yesterday warned by Cabinet colleagues his core voters were being won over by David Cameron.
“One senior minister said former Labour supporters were not just ‘flirting’ with the Tory leader but climbing into bed with him.”
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Posted: 7th, May 2008 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (5)
Mandela On America’s Terrorist Watch List
NELSON Mandela is on America’s terrorist watch list:
Nobel Peace Prize winner and international symbol of freedom Nelson Mandela is flagged on U.S. terrorist watch lists and needs special permission to visit the USA. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice calls the situation “embarrassing,” and some members of Congress vow to fix it.
Posted: 6th, May 2008 | In: Politicians | Comments (4)
A Miss Is As Good As a Mile: Gemma Garrett And Locals In Crewe Nantwich Election
IT looks like being clean fight in the Crewe and Nantwich by-election as Miss Great Britain Gemma Garrett steps into a swimming pool in her immaculate smalls.
“I am really looking forward to meeting all the voters there and to showing them the power of beauty,” says the Beauties for Britain Party representative, who may care to add the caveat: “weather permitting.”
There’s Garrett in the Mail, her tiara-topped bust alongside a picture of Tamsin Dunwoody, daughter to Gwyneth Dunwoody, who held the contested seat until her recent death.
Belfast’s Miss Dunwoody is blonde, so stands comparison with Xanthus Miss Garrett, who went to school in London and lives in Wales.
Up against her is the Tory’s Edward Timpson (brunette), who, as the Mail says, lives 15 miles from Crewe.
The contest is already “dirty”, says the Mail, as accusations fly as to which candidate is the most local.
Anorak has plotted a graph of the agonists localness, taking into account each of their movements since birth and now delivers the mean distance from Town Hall for each contestant.
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Posted: 6th, May 2008 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Donald Tusk Says Poland Is Crap
NEW Polish Prime Minister, Donald Tusk says of Poland:
We have no oil and gas. We don’t have high tech. Our centers of development, are far, far behind others. We will never be an extraordinary tourist attraction. Poland is quite a mediocre country in some regards. The only natural resource that we have, and with which we can compete, is freedom.
Posted: 5th, May 2008 | In: Politicians | Comments (6)
An Open Letter To The Labour Party
Schrodinger’s Pig – an open letter to the Labout Party:
Perhaps you’ve forgotten us. We are the tax paying, voting people. Remember the folks who put the X in the box in 1997, and waited with you, fingers and toes crossed, for the results to come in? The ones who sang to D:REAM as Michael Portillo was slumping, shell shocked into the background. We are the ones you said you’d listen to, and would work for. The plan was that you’d go in there, make them behave. Take away the power ball, and give it back to us. We made sure you got the job.
Posted: 5th, May 2008 | In: Politicians | Comments (3)
