Politicians Category
Politicans and world leaders making news and in the news, and spouting hot air
Barack Obama Is Shot in Canada
BARACK Obama has been shot in Canada:
Barack Obama is waving his arms. The crowd is cheering. I see the image I don’t want to see. I see the image that is the terrible sickness in the great republic. I see Barack Obama one minute smiling, the people crying his name. I see Barack Obama grab his chest and his eyes widen and his mouth opens and the crowd screams as Barack Obama, black candidate for the presidency of the United States of America, falls to the ground dead, an assassin’s bullet inside him…
Fantasising over Barack Obama’s death.
Writes Mark Steyn:
On the other hand, if you’re running for president not as an unexceptional first-term senator with a thin resume but as the new Messiah, the new Kennedy, the new Gandhi, the new Martin Luther King, you can’t blame folks for leaping ahead to the next stage in the mythic narrative. Around the world, a second instant sub-genre has sprung up in which commentators speculate how long it will be before some deranged Christian-fundamentalist neo-Nazi gun-nut deprives America of its fleeting wisp of glory.
Readers may recall Death of a President, the docu-drama about the imagined assassination of George W Bush, broadcast on Channel 4 – “In the dramatic sequence, created with the use of computer graphics, the President can be seen being held up by a secret service guard as his life ebbs slowly away.”
Bush would be killed by the righteous. In the aforesaid fantasy Obama is killed by the evil-doers. A murdered Barack Oabma will maintain the legend, build on his celebrity and be immortalised on the silver screen. It not what his opponents want but it is what some of his supporters dream of…
Posted: 17th, February 2008 | In: Politicians | Comments (38)
Clinton Advert Attacks Obama For Attacking Clinton Advert
CLINTON advert attacks Obama for attacking Clinton advert. Really…
Posted: 17th, February 2008 | In: Politicians | Comments (2)
Phil Woolas Wades Into Bottled Water Debate
BOTTLED Water. A Political issue. It’s Phil Woolas. Yes, him, the inbred Muslim chap.
Notes Dizzy: Jesus wept. That is all you can say when you hear that the Environment Minister, Phil Woolas, has said that the amount of money that people spend on bottled water “borders on being morally unacceptable”. What a complete idiot.
All those people that go a long journey and find themselves thirsty are now it seems morally reprehensible. Why.. doesn’t anyone know they should be drinking coca cola? Diet of course so that we can stave off the obesity epidemic, and caffeine free too so that you don’t have a heart attack and cost the state lots of money as well.
The MP for Oldham clearly doesn’t seem to concerned either with those people in Buxton (just down the road from his own constituency) who have quite a stake in the bottled water market. Meanwhile, his colleague, Tim Lang, the Government’s naural resources commissioner said,
“We have to make people think that it’s unfashionable just as we have with smoking. We need a similar campaign to convince people that this is wrong,”
Would this be the wrong time to mention the House of Commons spends around £60,000 a year on bottled mineral water, and, since 2002, has managed to purchase £314,056 worth of the stuff?
Posted: 17th, February 2008 | In: Politicians | Comments (5)
John Kerry Is Al Gore Recycled
JOHN Kerry, a politician beaten to the US Presidency by George Bush, is turning into Al Gore, who was also defeated by George Bush.
The Massachusetts Senator is speaking at “Beyond Science: The Economics and Politics of Responding to Climate Change”.
Says Kerry: “Here in the United States, our escalators go 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year. Lights are on all night. We are unbelievably wasteful … yet we are spending millions of dollars needlessly as a consequence of that.”
John Kerry is a recycled Al Gore…
Posted: 16th, February 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment
Bill Clinton Stops Thinking About Tomorrow
SAYS Bill Clinton: “There are two competing moods in America today.
People who want something fresh and new — and they find it inspiring that we might elect a president who literally was not part of any of the good things that happened or any of the bad things that were stopped before.
The explicit argument of the campaign against Hillary is that ‘No one who was involved in the 1990s or this decade can possibly be an effective president because they had fights. We’re not going to have any of those anymore.’
Well, if you believe that, I got some land I wanna sell you.”
So no to Obama’s change? Yes to Hillary Clinton’s more of the old, er, change?
Obama campaign spokesman Bill Burton tells ABC News: “It appears that the man who once told us ‘Don’t stop thinking about tomorrow’ has changed his tune and is now singing ‘Yesterday’ everywhere he goes.”
Why she
Had to go I don’t know, she wouldn’t say.
I said,
Something wrong, now I long for yesterday.
Posted: 16th, February 2008 | In: Politicians | Comments (3)
PMs Pets: Neglect Law, No Church Of Scientology And Chris Kamara MBE
ANORAK’S fairly regular look at those petitions appearing on the Prime Minister’s website.
We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Bring in a new law to make it a criminal offence to leave children aged under 12 on their own – Tony Bennett
http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/no-to-neglect/
More and more children aged under 12 are being left on their own at home by their parents without proper supervision. The law on this point is totally unclear and appears to be covered only by the 1933 Children and Young Persons Act. The topic of young children being left on their own has been in the news in the past year and it is submitted that now is a good time to review existing laws. The dangers to young children of being left on their own are numerous and potentially very serious. The law should deter people with children under 12 from even thinking about leaving them on their own.
That’s right – leaving a child on their own in their house – or with a same age or younger friend or sibling – while you pop out should be a thought crime…
We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Award Chris Kamara an MBE for services to Sport. More details – Will McIlveen
For services to banality and comedy…
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 16th, February 2008 | In: Politicians | Comments (14)
Fainting Praise For Obama And Hillary
FAINTING for Obama. Do you believe?!
Fainting for Hillary. Do you want to leave?
I need a change of air…
Posted: 16th, February 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment
Throwing Up With Barack Obama
BARACK Obama. Yes we can. Press the flesh. Touch the sleeve. Walk in the shadow:
Dear Barack:
I know it’s kind of lame to break up with you on Valentine’s Day. And on the Internet to boot. But it’s also kind of ironic. And that’s what I need to tell you. As an ironic, contrarian, so-hip-it-hurts Gen X-er, I just can’t love you anymore. I can’t like you because … because, well, everyone else does. And suddenly supporting you just seems soooo last week.
Last week, my hip friends were all thronging stadiums and manning phone banks for you. Now they’re all blogging against you and downing water and Tylenol like they’ve just done 12 Obama shooters in 20 minutes and then barfed in the cloakroom.
Posted: 16th, February 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment
Office Of Fair Trade And The Text Scam
THE Office of Fair Trading has sent thousands of young people fake scam text messages warning them about con-artists.
“Urgent! U may have won £1k cash with ‘2 Good 2 B True’.”
In all 25,000 mobile phone users aged between 18 and 24 received a message telling them they might have won £1,000 in cash. A second message told the teens the first one was a fake and warned them about scams.
The best bit is that the Information Commissioner’s Office provided the OFT with numbers of 25,000 young people who have opted to receive marketing text messages.
Expect to read that the OFT has lost the details and anyone who receives a text message from the OFT should treat it with the utmost suspicion…
Picture: Hack
Posted: 16th, February 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment
Patrica Hewitt: Failed Labour Ministers Live On In The EU
PATRICIA Hewitt, the former Health Secretary, is “on course to become Britain’s first woman Commissioner in Brussels after winning Cabinet backing to succeed Peter Mandelson”.
So reports the Telegraph. Brussels is the home for failed Labour ministers:
EU Commissioner Neil Kinnock – Led Labour in failure for nine years
EU Commissioner Peter Madelson – twice forced to resign from government
Hewitt – of whom gordon Brown is said to have uttered “I have to sit here while she loses me the next election” – seems ideal for the post…
Posted: 16th, February 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Politicians | Comments (3)
China Offered Kissinger 10million Women
HENRY Kissinger is in conversation with Chinese leader Mao Zedong:
You know, China is a very poor country,” Mao said, according to a document released by the State Department’s historian office.
“We don’t have much. What we have in excess is women. So if you want them we can give a few of those to you, some tens of thousands.”
A few minutes later, Mao circled back to the offer. “Do you want our Chinese women?” he asked. “We can give you 10 million.”
After Kissinger noted Mao was “improving his offer,” the chairman said, “We have too many women. … They give birth to children and our children are too many.”
“It is such a novel proposition,” Kissinger replied in his discussion with Mao in Beijing. “We will have to study it.”
Now American women line up to take home Chinese babies…
Posted: 15th, February 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment
RAMS Decide Race For The Whitehouse
MONDEO Man:
Douglas Schoen, a former advisor to Bill Clinton and New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, recently wrote a piece for the Washington Post in which he claims that this year’s election may be decided by a block of voters he calls “restless and anxious moderates,” or RAMs. “Most come from the third of the electorate that identifies itself as independent, but some Democrats and Republicans have also joined this new bloc,” Schoen writes…
Pollsters love to come up with fancy new names for this year’s swing voters, who usually are not that much different from swing voters in previous elections. They are political sporks, people who can’t make up their minds if they are really Republicans or Democrats, liberals or conservatives, whether they are called yuppies, Reagan Democrats, soccer moms, security moms, NASCAR dads or office park dads.
Worcester Woman – the witch who won the 1997 election for Tony Blair…
Posted: 15th, February 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment
Vladmir Putin Says Hillary Clinton Has No Head
INTERNATIONAL name calling. Hillary Clinton says Vladimir Putin “doesn’t have a soul”.
He was asked about the remark, and replied:
“At a minimum, a head of state should have a head.”
A threat? A snarky comment on Hillary’s shouder pads? Or just the kind of thing someone with no soul would say…
Posted: 15th, February 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment
Vote For The Funny Man To Be London Mayor
WE like our politicians to be funny. John McCain is not that funny. Mike Huckabee is funnier. Hillary Clinton is terrifically unfunny. William Hague can be funny.
And on the hustings the London mayoral candidates are setting them up and banging them in.
Their latest session lasted 100-minutes and can be bought on DVD. Some highlights:
Boris Johnson arrives seven minutes late because Mr Livingstone was delayed by London’s transport problems.
Boom-boom!
Boris Johnson (Tory) to Ken Livingstone (Labour): “I am willing to give free lessons – in complete safety and discretion. It is high time that, like me and every other cyclist in London, you face the full horror of trying to overtake a bendy bus.”
Senior Tory on Boris: “Every time he does open his mouth, we keep our fingers crossed,” one admitted. “We will be sweating right up to 1 May.”
Ken Livingstone: “You can’t have candidates saying ‘I am in favour of nuclear power and I am terribly green’ … that ‘I am going to be the greenest mayor ever but I applauded George Bush for not signing the Kyoto treaty’. It is rubbish.”
Mr Johnson: “Stuff and nonsense.”
Chortle
A double act:
Sian Berry, the Green Party candidate: You’re all just “men in suits”
Liberal Democrat candidate, Brian Paddick, the gay former senior Metropolitan Police officer: “I think people would raise a few eyebrows if I turned up in a dress.”
Yadda-yadda-yadda
Paddick then shows his absurdist bent: “Burnishing his green credentials, Mr Paddick suggested that he would have the smallest carbon footprint of the four candidates on the platform. He didn’t own a car, he walked everywhere, he had had the heating on in his one-bedroom flat for only 45 minutes this winter.”
Anorak: Perhaps he walks to get warm?
Livingstone: “Mr Livingstone promised that, by 2010, the Thames would be the cleanest river in a major capital and people would start swimming in it.”
Cue Boris in a pair of trunks…
Ends.
Posted: 15th, February 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment
George Bush, Waterboarding And 7/7
SAYS GEORGE Bush: “I suspect the families of those victims understand the nature of killers. What people gotta understand is that we’ll make decisions based upon law. We’re a nation of law.”
Why suspect? Why not ask the families of those killed in the July 7 attacks on London what they think?
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 15th, February 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)
Tony Benn’s EU Referendum Letter
This is the text of a letter sent by Tony Benn to every Westminster MP.
Dear Member of Parliament,I am writing to ask you to make it possible for me – and every elector in Britain – to vote on the Lisbon Treaty in a referendum. For the Lisbon Treaty transfers important powers which belong to us, to others in Europe we do not elect, cannot remove, and who therefore do not have to listen to us in the way that MPs listen to their constituents.
Britain must work closely with its European neighbours, but if this cooperation is to succeed, the arrangements must be democratically approved by all the people of Europe.
There is a case for a fully federal Europe. But surely those who take that view should, as democrats, want to win a majority for it in a referendum. That is why this decision must be made by the British people as a whole, because it will affect us all irrevocably and the Lisbon Treaty can never be amended or repealed by any future government that we elect.
Moreover, if three-line whips are imposed, telling any MPs how they must vote, it could not then even be argued that parliament had decided the matter freely. For all these reasons I hope you yourself will feel able to vote for a referendum, thus safeguarding the rights of your electors.
Tony Benn
Posted: 15th, February 2008 | In: Politicians | Comments (2)
Martin McGuinness: The One About The Drunk Irishman
SAYS Martin Mr McGuinness, former IRA leader: “I have to say, I am absolutely appalled at the level of concentration around the pub in the programmes.”
Adding: “I am not a fan of East-Enders or Coronation Street but my wife and my children, particularly the girls, watch the programme. I am appalled at the drunkenness that is quite clear for everybody to see and all of that before the 9 o’clock watershed when children as young as 8, 9, 10 and 11 are watching. Now I regard that as irresponsible broadcasting and I think something should be done about it.”
Steady on, Mr McGuinness. You do the terror and the politics. We’ll do the satire…
Posted: 15th, February 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Politicians | Comments (2)
Obama Burns Without The Hillary Firewall
INDEED: “The biggest beneficiary of the Hillary loathe has been Obama. Her campaign has been sufficiently subverted and sabotaged by the legions of Hillary haters to the point that it’s listing. If her campaign goes down, so will Obama’s Hillary firewall. The gloves will be off and it won’t be pretty.”
Obama stands for change. And , well, anyone..?
Posted: 15th, February 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment
Hillary For Democracy, Sing It
“Hillary for you and me.
Bring back our democracy.
Vote from sea to shining sea.
Everyone for Hillary!….”
Posted: 14th, February 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)
Barack Obama Presses The Wrong Button Six Times: Kaboom
BARACK Obama for President. Barack Obama for contol of The Button. Barack Obama whoops. In the LA Times:
Barack Obama angered fellow Democrats in the Illinois Senate when he voted to strip millions of dollars from a child welfare office on Chicago’s West Side. But Obama had a ready explanation: He goofed.
“I was not aware that I had voted no,” he said that day in June 2002, asking that the record be changed to reflect that he “intended to vote yes.”
That was not the only misfire for the former civil rights attorney first elected to the state Senate in 1996. During his eight years in state office, Obama cast more than 4,000 votes. Of those, according to transcripts of the proceedings in Springfield, he hit the wrong button at least six times.
Mr President. Do we bomb France? Press “red” for “Yes” and black for “No”…
Posted: 14th, February 2008 | In: Politicians | Comments (4)
2,218 Men Fancy Cherie Blair
THE Croydonian notes: “THE Scotsman has been surveying Caledonians on their attitudes to lurve and so forth, and it has come up with some very, very alarming figures:
“Which celebrity most closely resembles your ideal man?”
Gordon Brown – I like powerful men – 1.8%
“Which celebrity most closely resembles your ideal woman?”
Cherie Blair – powerful women do it for me – 0.9%
Based on the current population, that suggests that a truly alarming 2,218 chaps have the hots for La Booth, and a scarcely less credible 4,764 lassies are pining for the Dour One.
Stand up and make yourselves known to the group…
Posted: 14th, February 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)
Tata To Ken Livingstone:
KEN Livingstone says: “Most vehicles that will be charged £25, in vehicle excise duty band G, are high-priced models.
“Those who buy them can afford to choose from pretty much the whole of the mainstream car market but have chosen to buy one of the most polluting vehicles.
“By making these changes to the congestion charging scheme we are encouraging people to take into account the impact of their choice of new car on the environment and the planet.”
Ken wants you to pay £25 – and then pay for parking – to drive into his congestison zone.
Note the miserabilist’s mention of money and those who can afford the bigger gas guzzling cars. Well it turns out that these instruments of the uber rich are:
– Ford Galaxy Ghia
– Honda Accord 06 Tourer
– Hyundai Santa Fe
– Renault Espace Dynamique
– Peugeot 407
– Vauxhall Vectra
– Vauxhall Zafira
– Volkswagen Passat
– Volkswagen Golf
– Volvo V70
In short, family cars.
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Posted: 13th, February 2008 | In: Politicians | Comments (3)
Government Brings Us The Tamper Proof CV
DIZZY notes: “Apparently the Government wants to introduce YADB (geek name Yet Another Database) that will track every child through school and to retirement with all the details of how you scored on tests and whether you got expelled etc etc.”
The most hilarious thing is that they say it will mean you have a ‘tamper proof CV’. If they even manage to get such a project off the ground I give it less than a year of go-live before someone has made themselves a straight-A student.
It never ceases to amaze me how Government ministers are complete idiots when it comes to technology. Rule number one. If a human being writes a system, a human being can crack it. The Germans thought Enigma was uncrackable too, look where that got them.
But the computer says you’re dead, sir…
Posted: 13th, February 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment
Alas, Poor David Miliband Has Lost His Head
Alas poor David Miliband.
From the London Paper…
Posted: 13th, February 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)
Ron Paul And the Paulbots Lose
RON Paul:
Paulbots seem to have lost there verve; the most importantest Republican in the history of the world!!1!1!12!!1!@! drew no better than 6 percent, and took less than 1,000 votes in D.C. And somewhere, the ghost of Ayn Rand sheds a salty tear.
When does he give it up?
Posted: 13th, February 2008 | In: Politicians | Comments (17)
