Politicians Category
Politicans and world leaders making news and in the news, and spouting hot air
Brighton Mayor Caught With Marilyn Monroe
IT’S Brighton and Hove City Mayor Geoff Wells’s birthday with Marilyn Monroe look-alike Laura Nixon. Mr well is “married his wife, Sally, and they now have a son, Lee, and two grand-daughters”.
Whilst his council work keeps him very busy, Councillor Wells also enjoys researching the social history of Brighton & Hove, likes to watch most sports, and tries to include a little gardening when time permits.
Fnar.
Image: no copyright attributed. If it is yours, please get in touch. It’s terrific))
Posted: 10th, June 2010 | In: Politicians | Comment
David Miliband Misspells Diane Abbott’s Name As Dennis Skinner Reaches For Osborne’s Cocaine Line
EVERYONE is so excited about the Big One. No! Not the World Cup. No! Not Big Brother. No. this is the Labour Party leadership contest. Who do you want to lead the Labour Party?
Well, if you’re a Tory, you want pretty much any of them. Let’s take a look:
David Miliband: has a slightly lob-sided face. On the telly, people with lob-sided faces are always up to no good. Backs Diane Abbott on Twitter – oh, the dignity of office – by spelling her name wrong:
“Gather John McDonnell pulled out. I’m going now to nominate Dianne myself. Encourage others to do the same.”
Ed Miliband: Wallace and Gromit life model who talks from the back of his tonsils.
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Posted: 10th, June 2010 | In: Politicians | Comment
When Thatcher Met David Cameron – And Mr Cleggy Do
PRIME Minister David Cameron helps Baroness Thatcher as she leaves Downing Street… It’s the David Cameron show – with me, Cleggy Do...
Posted: 9th, June 2010 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)
Barack Obama: Australia Makes A Mug Of Barrack Obama
BARACK Obama has made a big impression in Australia. And ahead of his visit Down There, the Secretary of the Department of Parliamentary Services Alan Thompson would like to offer you the chance to buy a “Barrack Obama” mug.
They were on sale at the Parliament’s gift shop in Canberra. Two were sold – the rest have been smashed. Yep, they would have been collectable. But you can still buy one of these…
Eating Off The People’s Princess: Princess Diana’s Plate In Pictures
Posted: 7th, June 2010 | In: Politicians | Comment
Washington Examiner Hacks Schwab And Palmeri Go Gay Hunting In Washington DC: David Laws Should Worry
DAVID Laws should worry about being in the US, where the Washington Examiner’s Nikki Schwab and Tara Palmeri are hunting for gays in the Washington DC, now twinned with Salem. Get your gay iPhones and go a-huntin’.
Writes our man in the US:
To give you an idea of the philosophical views of the Washington Examiner… it’s a proud right-leaning member of the media.
But let’s not confuse GOP pride with gay pride – at least not for now.
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Posted: 5th, June 2010 | In: Politicians | Comment
Gulf Hole Plug: Barack Obama Assures Malia He’s Using Golf Balls As Fast As He Can
MALIA Obama knocks on Barack Obama’s door of a night and asks him she he’s gonna plug the hole that destroying the oceans. Daddy looks thoughtful, chucks her chin and assures her that he’s using golf balls and tyres as fast as he can.
“When I woke up this morning and I’m shaving, and Malia knocks on my bathroom door and she says — did you plug the hole yet, Daddy?”
Malia then asks daddy when he’s going to ban the bomb. And Obama looks thoughtful, chucks her under the chin and…
Gulf Oil Spill: Hopes Raised As Millions Of Sea Sponges Swim In
Posted: 30th, May 2010 | In: Politicians | Comment
David Laws Finds Eurovision A Good Time To Bury Bad News
DAVID Laws, goodbye. You know the way out, having just used it to come in. Mr Laws resigned when Eurovision was in its pomp. It was a good time to bury bad news about a gay politician forced to come out to confront allegations of wrongdoing.
From 2001 until 2009, Mr Laws had claimed up to £950 a month to rent a single room in properties owned by one James Lundie. Mr Lundie is Mr Law’s partner.
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Posted: 29th, May 2010 | In: Politicians | Comments (2)
South Africa Moves To Ban Porn, Jacob Zuma’s Four Sexy Young Wives Agree
SOUTH Africa is making noises about banning porn. The BBC hears Malusi Gigaba, South Africa’s deputy minister of home affairs, talking about porn. Gigaba works for Jacob Zuma. More on him to come:
“Cars are already provided with brakes and seatbelts,” the BBC report Gigaba saying. “There is no reason why the internet should be provided without the necessary restrictive mechanisms built into it.”
Sex! As the Daily Mail’s website: “Jacob Zuma is a sex-obsessed bigot with four wives and 35 children. So why is Britain fawning over this vile buffoon?”
And:
There is pornography on Jacob Zuma’s computer and he doesn’t know what to do about it.
Phwoar!
Jacob Zuma ‘fathers 20th child with friend’s daughter’
More power to your elbow, Jake…
Posted: 28th, May 2010 | In: Politicians | Comment
Russian Democracy Sees 88 MPs Vote 449 Times: Motion Passed
IN the Russia’s Duma, electronic voting is the go, and in the 450-member lower house of parliament, 88 MPs have passed a motion making it illegal for motorists to have any alcohol in their blood by, er, 449 votes.
It is thought that the one anti vote was triggered by one of the MPs getting bored with pressing the “Da” button nine times. You want democracy? You can’t handle democracy…
Posted: 28th, May 2010 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)
Carla Bruni’s Guide To Sex Makes Other Leaders Jealous
CARLA Bruni is ready for any meeting and any act in the name of France.
Mrs Nicolas Sarkozy, that action figure leader and Carla’s hubby, will be delighted to know that she can talk about sex in seven languages.
Breasts, anal sex and “powerful love dolls in platform heels”, Carla is the well-rounded First Lady.
On the Eurotrash TV show, Bruni asks:
“Do you like my titties?’”
An Élysée Palace source responds, with no irony:
“The video certainly throws a disappointing shadow over the dignity of the position of first lady.”
The only people it disappoints are the husbands of other First Ladies. Although not Prince Charles – he’s on the under-the-counter stuff…
Posted: 26th, May 2010 | In: Politicians | Comment
Barack Obama Is Decapitated By A Polar Bear, For Art And Mankind
BARACK Obama has been decapitated and eaten by a polar bear.
The Barack Obama Death Cult welcomes Vincent J. F. Huang, and polar bears of every denomination.
We last saw Huang when he stood before a polie hanging from the wobbly Millennium Bridge like a hairy banker. Dead.
Now the hunted turns hunter.
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Posted: 26th, May 2010 | In: Politicians | Comments (4)
In Pictures: Queen’s State Opening Of Parliament
WANT all the best photos of Queen Elizabeth II as she delivers the Queen’s Speech at the State Opening of Parliament in the Palaces of Westminster? Want to see the bit where Nick Clegg brushes David Cameron’s dandruff from his shoulders? Or how about when Sam Cam picks up the menu and orders the hummus? Or what about that bit where Brian Haw has his tent raided and is arrested on “suspicion of obstructing police”. Yeah, really, you can make a crime to fit your agenda…
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Posted: 25th, May 2010 | In: Politicians | Comment
Alabama Teacher Educates Class In How To Murder Barack Obama
BARACK Obama remains un-dead. But the Barack Obama Death Cult continues to gain new converts. In Jefferson County, geometry teacher Gregory Harrison, of Corner High School, is using the example of shooting Obama in the face to impart in the class the value of knowing your angles.
Says Joseph Brown, a scholar:
“He was talking about angles and said, ‘If you’re in this building, you would need to take this angle to shoot the president.'”
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Posted: 20th, May 2010 | In: Politicians | Comment
David Cameron Dot Com Is Nick Clegg’s Joker: Cam’s Tech Horror
SPARKINGLY on-trend our new Prime Minister may like us to think he is – so it is distressing to discover that David Cameron has failed to buy up his .com domain name. The result of this oversight is that http://www.davidcameron.com/ – which at first glance looks like a Cameron blog – is now in the hands of a non-fan of the PM, one Reza Sorbati (of north London).
The opening two lines of the site’s most recent post are representative of the hostile tone:
“Ashcroft and Clegg help Cameron hobble to power. The electorate get a LibCon Coalition which is jeered into Downing Street on a sad day for democracy.”
Nor can I be certain that davidcameron.co.uk is owned by the PM. The site claims to be a “gateway to sites on the Internet for [sic] david cameron!” But it appears to be a gateway to unrelated sites, such as those for cheap international calls or a new political party called… New Party. Davidcameronprimeminister.co.uk, too, is just another gateway.
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Posted: 20th, May 2010 | In: Politicians | Comment
Alabama’s Dale Petersen Challenges Nick Clegg To a Joust
DALE Petersen is our political hero of the day. Can Alabama be the benchmark for all elections? Get every politico a gun and a horse asap. Or why not add a touch of Ye Olde Englande and dress Dale up in armour and a jousting lance. Sadldle up, Nick Clegg. Dale Petersen is coming. Look busy…
Posted: 17th, May 2010 | In: Politicians | Comment
Stephen Timms’ Tautological Knife
STEPHEN Timms, the Lurch-like Labour MP for East Ham, who put the I before the P, has been knifed in his surgery. He is on the mend. A woman has been arrested. And the Daily Mirror brings you Today’s Headline of The Tautological:
“MP KNIFED BY CRAZED WOMAN”
In tomorrow’s paper:
“MP KNIFED BY SANE WOMAN”
Posted: 15th, May 2010 | In: Politicians | Comment
Gordon Brown Denies Being Yvette Cooper’s Dad
GO HOME Gordon Brown – and take me with you. No, Yvette, no. The country needs you. The years of pretending to be Ed Balls’ wife are behind you. We never believed it. Like Ed Balls’ wife would want to work with him. As if. Now you are free to run and play with your dad in Fife. Yeah, Fife. In Scotland. Or ‘Jockland’ as your Cockney mates at school call it. Sure, the Scots will slaughter you in the playground for your London accent, but you’ve dealt with worse…
Posted: 14th, May 2010 | In: Politicians | Comment
The Nu Politics Is A Stitch Up Say 55% Of Readers
READY for a Lib-Con stitch up that will ensure they remain in power? Sure there is no written constitution, but the new Government has agreed to fixed-term parliaments of five years. Yep, you can’t get rid of them before their allotted time. Well, not unless you can secure the support from 55% of MPs.
Right now it’s 50% plus one. Because in democracy, one more than half is the majority. Simple, right? But in this nu politics, it’s 55%.
So, can you muster the 55% needed to dissolve Parliament? Only is at least 16 Conservative MPs rebel.
Anyone feel like puking?
Posted: 14th, May 2010 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)
Sun Makes Up Headline To Bash Gordon Brown: No Change
CAN the Sun make up a headline to bash Gordon Brown? Madame Arcati investigates:
“10.7m Brits Don’t Work (Including the ex-Prime Minister who helped to put them there),” screeches a Sun headline on page 2. Really? Brown is still MP for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath on a basic annual salary of £64,857.85. As confirmed by the Sun on page 9. Goodness knows what Rupert makes of it all.
Oh, and Rupert’s authorisation that Brown f*cks off to run the IMF may be ignored.
– MA
Posted: 13th, May 2010 | In: Politicians | Comment
Voting Reform In A Graph
CLEGG and Cameran are in. But what do they plan for elections to come?
The LSE explains the options and produces this table to show what it would have meant this time. More.
Click image to make bigger.
Posted: 13th, May 2010 | In: Politicians | Comment
Clegg And Cameron’s Hummus Revolution: Parties Reshaped Into Public School Houses
NICK Clegg and David Cameron are in a rose garden holding hands and laughing at each other’s jokes. Gyles Brandreth, the TV presenter who came out of Dictionary Corner to be a Tory MP, once said of Cameron’s purist of more gays in the Party: “They want people who are a touch Tommy Two Ways.” The Conservatives wanted more effete public school boys. Cameron looked about and saw Nick ‘Pokey’ Clegg. William Hague never stood a chance. Right now Super Cam and Pokey are doing their Ocado shopping together. If the alliance is to last, Pokey will have to get over trenchant opinions on non-organic hummus and Dave will need to decide if breaking the coalition into houses and naming them after fags he’s known is better than calling every one George…
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Posted: 13th, May 2010 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)
David Cameron Day 1 In Pictures: Witney Gazette Reacts
DAVID Cameron is in. Nick Clegg will get to ask his two questions at PMQs of, er, himself should the new PM’s Deputy be standing in for Cameron in any PM’s Qs.
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Posted: 12th, May 2010 | In: Politicians | Comments (4)
London Underground Workers Say Cameron Dooms Them: Picture
LONDON Underground workers say David Cameron as PM means they are “ALL DOOMED“. One more reason to cheer, then…
It’s a sign of better things to come.
Posted: 12th, May 2010 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)
David Cameron News Round Up: Bitterness, Spite And Envy
DAVID Cameron is the Prime Minister. And Britain rejoices. No not because Dave is in but because Peter Mandelson and Alastair Campbell are out. And because the news media had not idea about anything during the election – hyping the importance of their TV debates which turned out to be an utter waste of time – let’s see what they have to say about things now:
In Pictures: David Cameron Becomes Prime Minister To Queen’s Delight
In all the debate about who lost the election, let us be reckless and predict who is going to lose the next one: the Liberal Democrats. The absurdity of this party has long been clear to many of us. It is an almost impossible coalition, as a body composed of people of such a particular temper must always be. It split over Ireland in 1886. In 1918, it split between Asquithian and Lloyd George Liberals. It even had a little split in the late 1980s, when a few militant beardies went off and separated themselves from the party that became the Liberal Democrats. We genuine Gladstonians start to despair of it.
Kevin Maguire is bitter:
Once Cameron and his useful idiot Clegg start slashing services, the Brown years will acquire a rosier glow.
Everything from tax credits to rebuilt schools and children’s centres to new hospitals and winter fuel allowances owe something to Brown.
And what Gord giveth, Dave and Nick will taketh away.
The Lib Dems will never be forgiven for missing a chance to forge a consensus with Labour.
Clegg’s a clever bloke so wasn’t duped. The Lib Dem leader’s judgement failed him.
FIGHT: Adam Boulton (Sky News) v Alastair Campbell (Labour)
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Posted: 12th, May 2010 | In: Politicians | Comments (3)
