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We don’t just report off-beat news, breaking news and digest the best and worst of the news media analysis and commentary. We give an original take on what happened and why. We add lols, satire, news photos and original content.
How To Get Rid Of Jehovah’s Witnesses With Style
HOW do you get rid of unwanted callers? My mother used to open the door and tells them ‘Madam is not in”. YouTuber hitmn92 chose another option to get the Jehovah’s Witnesses to leave peacefully:
Spotter: Nerdcore
Posted: 19th, November 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)
Why A Carbon Tax Would Work
THE are various plans put forward for how we should deal with climate change. Some say we should do sod all, others go to the opposite extreme and demand the dismantling of capitalist industrialism in its entirety.
Certain of the brighter climate change scientists and almost all of the economists insist that it’s really terribly simple. Just add a carbon tax and then wait 20 years. The problem will then solve itself. When I say the brighter of the climate scientists I mean of course those who have been listening to the economists, people like James Hansen.
There’s an interesting illustration of why this would work in the Telegraph today:
Two-thirds of Britons are expecting to cut back on heating their home this winter, with more 25 to 34 year-olds likely to turn down the thermostat than pensioners.
A new report last night claimed 32 per cent of people will “definitely” turn down the heating or switch off lights over the coming weeks in a bid to save money. A further 35 per cent will “probably” act.
Some 88 per cent of households classified among those struggling with the rising cost of living fear they will have no choice but to use less gas or electricity.
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JFK’s Assassination: The Story Of The Umbrella Man
PRESIDENT John F. Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas on November 22, 1963.
Close to the shooting was a man carrying an open umbrella.
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Posted: 19th, November 2013 | In: Flashback, Key Posts, Politicians, Reviews | Comment
Dubai Officer In Court Over ‘Indecent’ Handshake
“THREE years ago, a new director was appointed the branch’s director and the suspect was his deputy, ” says a 30-year-old foreman at the Dubai Misdemeanour Court. “I was on friendly terms with both men. Last year the suspect started mocking and belittling me in front of my partners. When our relations started to worsen, the new director advised the officer and tried to patch things up between us. The defendant apologised to me… but deep inside he did not seem satisfied or happy about it. Then he started shaking hands with me in an indecent way. Several times, he reverted his middle finger while shaking my hand and moved his finger while our palms were in contact.”
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Posted: 19th, November 2013 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment
The Rolling Stones Were Proud To Withstand ‘Under-Age Sex’ – The 1994 Poster And T-Shirt
ONCE upon a time “underage sex” was a selling point used by The Rolling Stones’ marketing department. Back in 1994 for the Stones’ Voodoo Lounge tour, the legend went:
“Stones Withstand Divorce, Slander, Rip-Offs, Slagging, Under-Age Sex, Alcohol, Drugs”
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Posted: 19th, November 2013 | In: Flashback, Music, The Consumer | Comment
Flashback: Dr Harb Hayre’s Tattletale Machine
FLASHBACK to March 18, 1975:
Dr. Harb Hayre, a professor of electric engineering at the University of Houston on March 18, 1975, checks the write out of his tattletale machine. The device can analyze the voice and tell more about a person than words alone. Properly applied, says the professor, the machine could: detect a drunk driver; tell who is lying and who is telling the truth; determine if a pilot is to tired to fly; tell the precise condition of a mental patient; or, determine if a person is under the influence of drugs. (AP Photo/EFK)
Posted: 19th, November 2013 | In: Flashback, Technology | Comment
Watsky’s 30ft Stage Dive Goes Wrong… Wanna See The Video?
MUSICIANS are adorable aren’t they? They’re never too bright and they get silly ideas and see them through without thinking about it. Look at Johnny Borrell’s entire career. Look at Thom Yorke thinking he’s a clever man. It’s sweet.
Anyway, rapper Watsky has had to apologise for being ‘stupid and wildly irresponsible’ after leaping from a lighting rig and injuring two people during a London gig.
Performing at the Vans Warped Tour at Alexandra Palace, he decided to climb up the light rigging and leap from 30ft in the air into the crowd.
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Sub Editor Horror: ‘Brighton’s Top Gay Assaults Brave Officer’
SUB EDITORS. When putting headlines together take care.
Spotter: Jimmy@jcodfishpie
Noel Edmonds And More Ungodly Horrors: When Radio DJs Invaded The Pop Charts
YOU may or may not be aware, Noel Edmonds is making his way to the pop charts with an unlikely appearance in a dance track (warning, it is rather abrasive).
You can hear it below. Of course, he’s not the first radio DJ to have a stab at the charts, so with that, let us look at some of the weird and wonderful moments in pop music when radio jockeys ended up in the beast they presided over.
Noel Edmonds
Candice Cannes’ Are You Ready features Noel Edmonds in his Deal Or No Deal guise while a woman mutters nonsense in a seductive voice.
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Posted: 18th, November 2013 | In: Flashback, Key Posts, Music | Comment
Locate The Best Qulity Marijuana With Denver’s Nasal Ranger
TO Denver, Colorado, where the city’s police Nasal Ranger is investigating the smell of marijuana. The Denver Post reports:
“Ben Siller looked ridiculous on a recent afternoon, standing on a downtown Denver street corner with a giant device clamped to his face sniffing the air for odorous evidence of marijuana.”
Yep. He does. But one day, when marijuana is legal everywhere, Mr Siller could be a ‘nose’, just like those wine buffs who can identify a blend of grapes with a sniff, a swirl, a gurgle and a spit. One sniff, and Mr Siller will be able to tell consumers just what’s in the blend. WAft a sample under Nasal Ranger et voila!, you need never buy oregano and henna again.
Amber Frost has facts about Colorado smells:
In a city of around 634,000 people, there were 98 smell complaints in 2010, seven involved weed. In 2012, there were 288 complaints, with sixteen having to do with marihuana. While that’s an increase overall, complaints about pot actually decreasedby about 1.5%, and this was all prior to the legalization of pot for recreational use. In 2013 (up until September 20th), they recorded 85 complaints, eleven of which were attributed to marijuana, a slight increase since 2010, but the city isn’t exactly being hot-boxed.
How does Nasal Ranger work? Because any weed hounds needs one to find the good stuff:
Posted: 18th, November 2013 | In: Reviews, Technology | Comment
Pop Go The Beatles: The Golden Age Of The Fab Four At The BBC
THE Beatles At The BBC.
London calling all “Beatle People”
TWO decades ago, the Great Beatles Revival began with the release of the double CD album Live at the BBC. Like their regular albums, it duly hit number one on both sides of the Atlantic, and shifted no fewer than five million copies in the couple of months. Now the original set has been remastered and reissued simultaneously with a further collection: On Air – Live at the BBC Volume 2.
Both sets consist of radio interviews and performances from the mid-Sixties, and together they provide a fascinating picture of the biggest band of all time – at a time when such a concept was meaningless. This is an evocative and fascinating reminder of an era in which the Beatles were making their own rules, and bursting exponentially from the cosy confines of post-war light entertainment like a small child outgrowing successive pairs of shoes.
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Posted: 18th, November 2013 | In: Flashback, Key Posts, Music | Comment
Rave With Mother: Hampshire Police Attacked On Night Of The Living Dead
CAN we agree whose side we are on in this story from Beacon Hill, Highclere, in Hampshire?
Around midnight last Saturday, police rocked up to a rave.
Some of the revellers threw things at Hampshire and Thames Valley Police’s finest. A Hampshire Constabulary spokesman tells us: “Officers were subjected to violence, including missiles thrown at them, which resulted in six officers sustaining non-serious injuries. It is believed between about 80 and 100 people attended the illegal event. We will continue to take every measure possible to prevent any such illegal music events from happening… in the future.”
Music events should all be legal and policed and licensed. Say no to spontaneity. Like Glastonbury, music should be policed and made reassuringly expensive to keep the riff-raff out.
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Blow-Up: When the Swinging Sixties Came to Stockwell
STOCKWELL Road isn’t the most exciting and handsome of roads. It may have been once, but the Luftwaffe and the usual unimaginative sixties south London redevelopment put paid to that. It’s got a skateboard park, if that’s your thing, and David Bowie was born in a road just off it, but even he moved to Bromley when he was six. And that’s about it, to most people in the area it’s just a road that joins up Stockwell and Brixton.
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Posted: 18th, November 2013 | In: Film, Flashback, Key Posts | Comment
Husband Stabbed By Wife Run Over Twice On Way To Doctor
TO Manitoba in Canada, to hear Lois Cook, 39, plead guilty on Friday to manslaughter for the death of her common-law husband Dave Hudson, 32 on May 31, 2010.
It was a party for Treaty Days, when the couple began to row. Cook stabbed Hudson twice in the arm. Both had been drinking and Hudson shook off his small injuries – neither wound was longer than 3mm. After a period he wandered up the road to a nearby relative’s home to get a lift to the doctors. And that was when it happened. Hudson collapsed. One of the knife wounds had clipped an artery. The court hears that his fall was “likely due to the loss of blood”.
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Posted: 18th, November 2013 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment
Google Concedes Defeat To Daily Mail On War Over Sexualised Kids: ‘We Can’t Compete’ Say Online Giant
THE Daily Mail is celebrating a win in its crusade to ban all other organs from publishing racy photos and filthy words on children.
Perverts into that kind of thing can go here, here, here, here, here, here and here.
And here.
Vincent Peyrègne, CEO of WAN-IFRA, And Third World Worry About The UK’s Attack On A Free Press
THEY’RE not yet sending in the UN to sort the UK’s undemocratic strangling of the Press and free speech but Vincent Peyrègne, CEO of WAN-IFRA, the global organisation of the world’s newspapers and news publishers, is part of a delegation heading here in January:
“A press freedom mission to the United Kingdom is unprecedented and we cannot underestimate our concern for what is happening. It is rather difficult for the United Kingdom to lecture Sri Lanka and others about their press freedom record, when its own actions result in such widespread international condemnation.”
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Elina Desaine: Britain’s Most Promiscuous Student Has Only Slept With 16 People
YOU’VE come a long way baby: Elina Desaine, 20, is “Britain’s horniest student”. The third year Exeter University computer science scholar won £500, a crate of alcohol and a year’s supply of condoms. The Mail and Metro tell us that she has had sex with “up to three men a week”.
Bang!
Double bang!
The news of woman who actually has sex and enjoys it reached New York:
Miss Desaine reveals her plan for budding shaggers: “I try to keep a list of all my conquests so I don’t forget but sometimes I have to put descriptions or question marks instead of names… I hope employers see it as a bit of fun and it shows I am more confident than the average girl.”
Job’s yours.
It turns out that Miss Desaine is being used to promote ShagatUni, a website. It tells us:
AFTER our month long search across the UK we uncovered hundreds of sex-mad students who were desperate to be crowned Shag at Uni’s newly created title. But today we are pleased to announce that Elina Desaine, 20, from Exeter University is officially the UK’s Horniest Student. She beat off…
She says in her pitch:
I should be the UK’s horniest student because I have sex with at least 2 / 3 different people a week. Sometimes i go clubbing, have sex with someone, and then go back to the club to pick up my second victim. Feeling horny right now, so might just text someone on my ‘shag list’ and do it in the computer room (I’ve done this before, was great!) With your help of Alcohol, I will be able to become an even Hornier Student!
Any proof?
Tom Thurlow, creator of the student dating site commented, “As soon as I saw Elina’s entry I knew we had a particularly wild girl on our hands. I love the fact she uses her position in the computer science club to have sex in the computer room. She even told me how the computer science club is perfect because it’s full of guys! After meeting with Elina personally I am 100% confident I have found the horniest student in the country.”
STOP PRESS: The Horniest Student Is the UK is not a man but a woman in a bikini!
How many people has she shagged in her three years at Uni at the headline-making 2/3 a week?
Elina claims to have slept with 16 different guys whilst at university…
Not quite three a week is it. More that just over 5 a year.
In other news:
Such are the facts.
Does Sugar Make Your Children Hyper? No
DOES sugar make your children hyper? No:
The BBC agreed:
The theory that too much sugar makes children hyperactive doesn’t stand up to the tests – it may be that the environment your child is in is the defining factor in how boisterous their mood is. This doesn’t mean sugar get’s off lightly though. It may not lead to hyperactivity but it does make your blood sugar drop which could make your children irritable and distracted.
And:
Or as the wife of The Education Minister says in her column (you can keep the writing gig Sarah Vine as long as Gove keeps his job):
Enjoy.
Posted: 16th, November 2013 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment
Pete Towsend And The Barron Knights Sing About Fat Lazy People
IN 1966 Pete Townshend wrote about the Dipso Asbo Fatso British public. He called it Fat Lazy People.
The song was recorded by the Barron Knights, a group famous for spoof songs, such as this Santa-Floyd mash-up
Photo: Easter kiss for Duke D’Mond from his wife Pauline Palmer, at Heathrow Airport saying goodbye to him and his fellow Barron Knights, left to right; Barron Anthony, Dave Ballinger, P’Nut Langford and Buth Baker at the start of a six week tour. Date: 27/03/1970
And there was this, a Taste Of Aggro (with apologies to The Smurfs.)
Before that, The Knights were a proper band whose claim to fame was being the only outfit to tour with both the Beatles and the Rolling Stones.
They could, after all, do passable impressions of all the greats:
Here’s the song:
Lazy and fat they are, they are.
And because they are all the same..
They laugh and exclaim
“The young are so funny”They burn in the sun, the sun
And though painfully pink, when it rains
They always complain
“We all paid our money.”Oh! The lazy fat people
Are a terrible sight to see.
And the lazy fat people will
Get the better of you and me…….Lazy and fat they are, they are.
Their children diet till thin
To leave more for them
“To save us some money.”Oh! The lazy fat people will
Try to sit on you and me
If we dont watch out theyll
Get the better of you and me.How to tell the young from the
Lazy fat is easy to do…..
Take it away, Pete:
Spotter: DM
Posted: 15th, November 2013 | In: Flashback, Music | Comment
Dayna Morales: Waitress Denied Tip For Being Gay – Internet Goes Crazy And Lovely
UPDATE: A husband and wife tell NBC 4 New York they did leave a tip. They say they have a credit card statement as proof. The tip was a generous $18. The wife says: “We’ve never not left a tip when someone gave good service, and we would never leave a note like that.”
Morales adds: “I don’t know, all I know is what I’ve been saying.”
Morales had recently announced that people were sending her tips from all over the world, and was donating some of the money to the Wounded Warrior Project. “I just felt like people have a right to know that — it’s fine if people want to donate to her or to the Wounded Warriors, but they’re doing it under a false pretense,” the wife said.
…..
This is the original story:
WE all know that idiots get weird around gay people. Presumably their brains get tied in knots because they constantly and vividly imagine all that sex they do. They get a clear image in their minds about glistening gay naked bodies all writhing around. That’s because, absolutely 100% across the board, bigots are all a bit pervy.
And so to a waitress in New Jersey who had her £10 tip withheld and was left a crappy note by a bigoted customer, allegedly. She says she was denied her tip because she is a gay woman. She told the internet and now, she’s been inundated with more than £1,000 in donations from around the world.
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Posted: 15th, November 2013 | In: Money, Reviews, Strange But True, The Consumer | Comments (2)
The Thieving Middle-Class And The World-Wide Goats Cheese Shortage
IN times of austerity, things get tough for people… and no-one suffers more than the middle classes. Stores throughout Britain are reporting a new type of problem – middle class theft – with items like gammon, parmesan, nice coffee and perfume being swiped.
Russell Holland, of security firm Checkpoint Systems, which sponsored the study, said: “We know that due to the recession people are stealing out of need for food. But you also have a Middle England group of people who have not had a bonus or pay rise but still want to maintain their lifestyle.”
Further pain for the middle-classes is afoot too, with reports of a worldwide goat’s cheese shortage, not to mention a wine shortage too. If this carries on, we’re all set for the politest rioting in the history of mankind.
One Tesco store in Cambridge has had to put manuka honey (£20 a jar) into plastic security boxes and Marks & Spencer now puts tags on turkey crowns.
Also getting robbed are lipsticks, perfume, hair straighteners, electric toothbrushes and power tools. The upwardly mobile have gone more mad than ten spring breaks.
The report, compiled by analysts Euromonitor for Checkpoint Systems, said: “A key observation from the grocery retailers interviewed was an increase in food theft – including items such as fresh meat – owing to the weak economy.”
Time to invest in a hummus safe house and get some laser beams around your tagines.
Christmas Is Spoiled By Opulence Says Archbishop Welby (Dressed In Golden Robes)
JUSTIN Welby, the Archbishop of Canterbury, has said that people are making themselves “miserable” at Christmas and potentially damaging their relationships because of their penchant for buying expensive presents and leaving themselves skint.
The pressure of flashing it around apparently means that people are potentially putting the relationships of loved ones at risk FOREVER.
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Let Us Look At Andy Kaufman’s Best, While He Fakes His Death
ACCORDING to the brother of comedy legend, Andy Kaufman, the star faked his own death in 1984 and is still alive. Appearing at an award show named in Andy’s honour, Michael Kaufman said he had received a letter from his brother, confirming he was alive, in 1999.
He then introduced a woman who claimed to be Andy’s 24-year-old daughter.
Of course, bizarre things like this, farcical situations, uncomfortable silences, half truths and all that fun stuff, followed Andy Kaufman wherever he went. This is likely to be another case.
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Posted: 15th, November 2013 | In: Celebrities, Flashback, Reviews | Comment
