Reviews Category
We don’t just report off-beat news, breaking news and digest the best and worst of the news media analysis and commentary. We give an original take on what happened and why. We add lols, satire, news photos and original content.
New York bans police from wearing uniform on dating sites
THE New York Police Department has been scouring the web for evidence of its officers looking for love in their uniforms.
The NYPD says officers must not “embarrass the department while wearing its uniform”.
In response, Betabeat says even the handsome officers have been deleting their dating site profiles.
The NYPD says their purge on the love patrol is “in compliance with the New York City Social Media Policy and is in part intended to protect officers from divulging identifying information on social-media sites that may endanger officer safety”.
Firemen, as you were…
Stanley Kubrick issues instructions on how to make his French toast
HOW did Stanley Kubrick like his French toast? Thankfully, the director left clear instructions:
You must understand that without the French toast I am no good to the cast and crew. And I will not eat the French toast if it is not prepared the right way. If I do not eat the French toast, my blood sugar will drop to precariously low levels, and I will be groggy and unable to make the necessary split-second decisions a director has to make in order for a film to be successful. Therefore, it is essential that you understand something about the French toast: it is not only my breakfast, it is the film. To prepare the French toast in the manner prescribed is to keep the film on time and under budget.
The gentleman before you did not seem to understand this basic concept. The connection was utterly lost on him, which is why he was sacked with extreme prejudice.
He did not also understand that both sides of the French toast must have a crust. You can’t have one side that is crispy and then another side that is soggy. I will not eat a soggy piece of French toast. Therefore, both sides must be equally toasted. The only way to accomplish this is to sear the bread. The heat on the burner must be turned all the way to the right. After dredging the bread through the egg wash (please refer the entry on eggs before attempting this) and wiping away any excess, you must place the bread into the already heated pan, and then wait for exactly 24 seconds. Then flip the bread over, using the approved, Teflon-coated spatula you have been provided with. Wait another 24 seconds, after which you must turn the heat to low. And when I say low, I mean turn the heat all the way down until the flame is but the merest flicker. If the heat is not at it’s absolute lowest, the crust on the French toast will turn a darker shade of brown, almost black, and while it is perfectly acceptable to eat a piece of French toast with slightly blackened crust marks, it is not aesthetically pleasing, at least not to my eye.
Chestnut brown crust marks are an indication that great care has gone into preparing the French toast, and above all, this is what concerns me the most: that you care. You must care about the French toast. If you don’t care about the French toast, then perhaps you don’t care about anything is my train of thought on the matter, and if you don’t care about anything, then working for me doesn’t seem feasible, as I have an insatiable desire to be surrounded by people who care as much as I do. Before I move on to what kind of vanilla extract you should use (as well as the amount [please note that I have found a supplier in Madagascar who is willing to provide me with high-quality vanilla beans, but we are still in negotiations, an affair filled with an unusual amount of sturm und drang. I won’t bore you with the details right now since they have no bearing on the matter at hand, although I will confess that a sticking point in the negotiations seems to be the manufacturer’s delusion that I can set him up with a weekend in Ibiza with Sue Lyon]), I mustn’t forget to tell you that only one type of bread will do in the matter of the French toast.
There is a bakery in Sussex that I have found (through great trial and error, of course) that makes small, crusty loaves which are perfect for making French toast. Not many people know about this bakery, and I would like to keep it this way (please see the confidentiality agreement attached to this memo). I have contacted the owners of this bakery and persuaded them to leave aside three loaves a week for me. My driver will take you to the bakery on Monday morning. You will have to wear a blindfold to and from the bakery. My driver will help you into the car and out of the car, leading you to the front door of the bakery, where my loaves will be ensconced in a paper bag. My driver will put the bag in your hands and you will hold onto the bag for dear life on the drive back to my estate. Normally I would just have my driver pick up the loaves, but my driver has a very obsessive and disturbing relationship with bread. The blindfold will be removed once you are back in the kitchen. Please remove one loaf from the paper bag and set aside the other two.
When cutting the bread, please do not use anything other than a serrated edge. Perhaps now would be a good time to discuss knives.
Ends.
Spotter: McSweeneys
Posted: 6th, September 2013 | In: Celebrities, Flashback | Comments (3)
London to Brighton Train Journey: 1953 – 1983 – 2013 side by side
THIS is a video of the journey from London to Brighton filmed in 1953, 1983 and 2013. The three films are played side-by-side:
Music: Chemical Brothers’ Star Guitar.
For what you can see on the train go here.
Local News watch: headline and story of the year
LOCAL news of the year: the Stamford Mercury reports on smoke:
All hail the My Little Pony CV!
FANS of My Little Pony are terrifying. They’re not children. They’re all adults who like watching talking ponies fly around with their day-glo skin and are more obsessive than Breaking Bad and Smiths fans put together.
And so, to a My Little Pony CV that some lunatic sent into a potential workplace.
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Posted: 5th, September 2013 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment
The truth about the Squaddie who became a Muslim woman
IN “SQUADDIE BECOMES MUSLIM WOMAN “, the Sun talks of Lucy Vallender , who had a sex change in 2010 and converted to Islam last year.
As one soldier says:
Brilliant, if true. What will the Iman think about it? Sadly it seems you need to log into The Sun to read all the sordid details.Hopefully The Daily Mail will do it all again in the morning.
Another asks:
“What does mumsnet have to say about it”
Our issues with the story are:
* When does a civilian who joined the TA become a squaddie?
* Why is the Muslim angle delivered as tabloid shocker?
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Posted: 5th, September 2013 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment
Syria: Obama provokes the war his America, France and Britain escalated
SO. The UK is not in favour of war in Syria. We won’t meddle. Sure, in 2011 Foreign Secretary William Hague said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad was “losing legitimacy”.
And sure Hilary Clinton opined:
“From our perspective, he has lost legitimacy. Our goal is to see that the will of the Syrian people for a democratic transformation occurs.”
So. We won’t got to war. But we will support the Syrian opposition, give them heart by calling Assad an illegitimate leader.
And when France, America and Britain recognised the Syrian National Council, the West wasn’t interfering at all.
And when we read in the NY Times over event in 2012, we realised how benign the US was:
A small number of C.I.A. officers are operating secretly in southern Turkey, helping allies decide which Syrian opposition fighters across the border will receive arms to fight the Syrian government, according to American officials and Arab intelligence officers.
So. Having helped escalate war and given succour to Assad’s enemies, can Barack Obama sell it to the US people?
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Posted: 5th, September 2013 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)
Syria: Turning al-Assad into Hitler
SYRIA: The process to turn Assad into Hitler is well underway.
Bret Stephens in the Wall Street Journal:
Then again, the views of Messrs. Paul, Lee and Amash would have sat well with Sen. Robert Taft of Ohio (1889-1953), son of a president, a man of unimpeachable integrity, high principles, probing intelligence—and unfailing bad judgment.
A history lesson: In April 1939, the man known as Mr. Republican charged that “every member of the government . . . is ballyhooing the foreign situation, trying to stir up prejudice against this country or that, and at all costs take the minds of the people off their trouble at home.” By “this country or that,” Taft meant Nazi Germany and Fascist Italy. The invasion of Poland was four months away.
US Secretary of State John Kerry:
“Bashar al-Assad now joins a list that has Adolf Hitler and Saddam Hussein as those who have used these weapons in time of war…”
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Walkie Talkie skyscraper at 20 Fenchurch Street melts lemons, plastic Jaguar cars and faces (photos)
THE Walkie Talkie skyscraper at 20 Fenchurch Street in central London is melting cars. Martin Lindsay sis the rays melted the panels, wing mirror and badge on his Jaguar XJ saloon with warped panels along one side. He said: “They’re going to have to think of something. I’m gutted. How can they let this continue?” Agreed. Once upon a time, Jaguar was the mark of solidity and style;’ now it’s made form plastic and looks like painted Tupperware on wheels.
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Long-haired country boys below the Mason-Dixon support legalised weed
WILL the Good Ol’ Boys below the Mason-Dixon line get excited about legalised marijuana? Patrik Jonsson:
[L]ook a little closer at Dixie’s denizens and one sees small but potent signs of a legalization groundswell, in part fueled by the South’s unique contributions to marijuana culture and prohibition. In Texas and all over the South, there are a lot Willie Nelson-style social and cultural “outlaw” attitudes, all of which overlap with Ron Paul libertarianism. … More critically, the South is one of the country’s premier pot growing grounds, with Kentucky and Tennessee surpassing northern California in marijuana tonnage each harvest. Evidence also suggests that it’s used recreationally as much in the South as in other corners of the country.
Don’t tell me what do to, Yankee. Charlie Daniels is just a long-haired country boy:
How convenient: Cleveland child rapist and kidnapper Ariel Castro ‘found dead in cell’
HOW Convenient: Ariel Castro, 53, the man who kidnapped three women – Gina de Jesus, Amanda Berry and Michelle Knight – held them prisoner in his Cleveland house for years has been found dead in his prison cell. Just one month into a whole life sentence plus 1,000 years Castro is dead.
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Posted: 4th, September 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)
Syria: Obama leaves ‘unreliable’ British out in the Maldives
HOW that Special Relationship getting along after Iraq and Afghanistan?
“British military chiefs are being ejected from US meetings about Syria in the first direct consequence of David Cameron’s refusal to join military action. The role of senior British officers based at US Central Command in Tampa, Florida, has been downgraded because they cannot be trusted with high-level intelligence about a conflict with which they are no longer involved, military sources say.”
Last week, John Kerry, the US secretary of state referred to France as “our oldest ally” pointedly not mentioning Britain.
Defence secretary Philip Hammond told Channel 4 News:
“I am disappointed and I am slightly apprehensive. We have a very close working relationship with the Americans. It is a difficult time for our armed forces, having prepared to go into this action, to then be stood down and have to watch while the US acts alone or perhaps the US acts with France… It’s certainly a reversal of the usual position and it will be an uncomfortable place for many people in the British armed forces who are used to working along.”
Does Obama not care for The British? Let we forget his immortal words:
“And in terms of the Maldives or the Falklands, whatever your preferred term, our position on this is that we are going to remain neutral. We have good relations with both Argentina and Great Britain, and we are looking forward to them being able to continue to dialogue on this issue. But this is not something that we typically intervene in.”
Such are the facts…
First World War: the Short Form of Wills go online
THE Centenary of the beginning of World War 1 will be a huge deal. This is the will of Private H Warner , who died during World War I. The wills of over 320,000 soldiers from World War I are stored in the Iron Mountain facility on the outskirts of Birmingham.
The will of Private H Warner , who died during World War I. The wills of over 320,000 soldiers from World War I are stored in the Iron Mountain facility on the outskirts of Birmingham.
The archive of hand-written wills of 230,000 soldiers can be accessed at www.gov.uk/probate-search.
Terrible Tunes: Mickey Katz’s K’nish Doctor
TERRIBLE Tunes presents Mickey Katz ‘s K’nish Doctor.
In his biography, Katz recalls asking a radio station manager why he wouldn’t play any of his records:
I asked him why he wouldn’t play my records. He said, “Because some of our listeners are offended.”
I asked, “Who, besides you?”
He said, “I don’t think that’s any of your business.”
I answered, “I think it is my business because this is how I make a living. You play Italian records, you play Polish records–”
He cut me off. “I will not play any record with Yiddish in it. Yiddish is the language of the ghetto.”
“My friend,” I said, “Yiddish is the language of our forefathers.”
“I do not care to hear it.”
“Then why don’t you play some of my instrumental records? They’re some of the greatest music in the world, played by some of the greatest musicians in the world-Ziggy Elman, Mannie Klein, Nat Farber–”
Again he cut me off mid-sentence. “There will be no Yiddish spoken, or Jewish music played, on this station.”
Katz’s other tunes include: Borscht Riders in the Sky, Old Black Smidgick, She’ll Be Coming ‘Round the Katzkills, Barber of Schlemiel, and That Pickle in the Window (How Much Is).
Posted: 4th, September 2013 | In: Flashback, Music | Comment
Swan arrested as spy in Egypt
ACCORDING to English folklore, the people of Hartlepool once hung a monkey to death because they thought it was a French spy during the Napoleonic wars.
That kind of nonsense couldn’t possibly happen now, could it? Of course it could! You read the headline! A swan in Egypt has been detained on suspicion of being a spy.
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Kyron Horman: new search finds nothing but more libel against Terri Horman
KYRON Horman: Anorak’s look at the missing child in the news:
Justin Runquist writes in The Oregonian:
Desiree Young, whose son, Kyron Horman, has been missing since June 4, 2010, says volunteers conducting a weekend-long search may have found new evidence connected to the boy’s disappearance.
Evidence of what?
“We found a lot of things, and possibly evidence,” Young said at a press conference following the search Sunday afternoon.
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Posted: 2nd, September 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)
Completely mental and brilliant freshman delivers epic welcome speech!
AMERICANS, as we know, like to do things a little larger than everywhere else… and boy howdy, the student who gave a welcome speech to new starters at Atlanta’s Georgia Tech doesn’t half prove that point.
Imagine, if you will, the welcome speech at a British university. Some dour face mumbling something about opportunity and hard work while blithering on about past students and how much lottery funding they got for the media department.
Now, to Nicholas Selby, hollering his throat up through his face, ranting and foaming at the mouth about former US president and Nobel Peace Prize winner Jimmy Carter, while standing on the stage “like a bad ass.”
Shouting over the music from the film ‘2001: A Space Odyssey’.
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In 1979 the British Cycling Bureau delivered these ‘Bikes of the future’
IN October 1979, the British Cycling Bureau invited designers to create the “Bike of the future”.
WINNER:
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Posted: 2nd, September 2013 | In: Flashback, Technology | Comment
The Peel P50 car was made for pulling
FLASHBACK to the Peel P50:
…a three-wheeled microcar originally manufactured from 1962 to 1965 by the Peel Engineering Company on the Isle of Man. Until 2009 it held the record for the smallest automobile to go into production. It has no reverse gear, but a handle at the rear allows the very lightweight car to be physically maneuvered when required.
Designed as a city car, it was advertised as capable of seating “one adult and a shopping bag.” The vehicle’s only door was on its left side, and equipment included a single windscreen wiper and only one headlight – Wikipedia
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Syria: Al-Thawra newspaper nails Obama’s ‘historic American retreat’
SYRIA’S Al-Thawra newspaper says Barack Obama has a “sense of implicit defeat and the disappearances of his allies“.
And then it nails him:
“Whether the Congress lights the red or green light for an aggression, and whether the prospects of war have been enhanced or faded, President Obama has announced yesterday, by prevaricating or hinting, the start of the historic American retreat.”
In other news:
Why didn’t Obama seek congressional authorization before instituting red line?
Obama To Strike Syria; Seeks Congressional Approval. “Obama says he has the authority to act on his own, but believes it is important for the country to have a debate.”
Oh dear…
Posted: 1st, September 2013 | In: Politicians, Reviews | Comment (1)
Police ‘interpret’ bloody human head sent to Kenyan police commissioner as death threat
WHAT news from Kenya?
A freshly chopped head of a man has been found in a box that was left outside the National Police Service Commission offices in Nairobi.
The carton had the writing – Kavuludi you are next – which detectives have interpreted as death threat to the Commission’s chairman Johnston Kavuludi. A pair of hands chopped from the wrist was also found in the box, together with the head which was covered with blood.
Well, if the police think so…
‘We’re bombing Syria because Syria is bombing Syria’ and other views on vain Western intervention
SO. The UK is not going to bomb Syria. Yet. Assad can wait a while longer to be pictured in his underpants and hanged. While we wait the Western powers will assure its citizens that Assad is an evildoer. He uses chemical weapons. That is the red line crossed. He has no morals. We do, however. We will teach him how the right things are done. We are people of substance.
The war in Syria is no longer about them; it’s about us. The purpose of any intervention is to prove to ourselves how noble and true we are.
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Posted: 1st, September 2013 | In: Reviews | Comments (3)
Seamus Heaney: Metro newspaper protrays poet laureat as the crazy Irishman
WHAT picture do you use to show the death of an Irishman? Seamus Heaney, the Irish Nobel laureate, has died at 74. Nobel laureate, best known for collections including Death of a Naturalist and Field Work, died in hospital in Dublin.
The Nobel Prize in Literature 1995 was awarded to Seamus Heaney “for works of lyrical beauty and ethical depth, which exalt everyday miracles and the living past”.
The Irish Times went with
The Times went with
The BBC went with:
And the Metro went with this….
Posted: 30th, August 2013 | In: Celebrities, Reviews | Comment
