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Demi’s God
‘ONLY a fortnight ago, we related how Demi Moore was thinking of going under the knife again – to have eyes fitted in the back of her head.
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| Surgeons worried that Demi’s hair was a bit heavy |
Apparently, that was the only way she could keep tabs on toyboy Ashton Kutcher’s constant philandering.
But now the Enquirer tells us that the two have only got eyes for each other – and 25-year-old Ashton has even asked 40-year-old Demi to marry him.
‘Demi said she didn’t want to respond with just what her heart is telling her, she wants to think all this through,’ an insider tells the Enquirer.
But another source tells the magazine that Demi does want Ashton all to herself.
‘She is very much in love with Ashton and wants to marry him eventually,’ the (‘very reliable’) source says.
And it is a view confirmed by Britney Spears elsewhere in the magazine, after she recently bumped into the couple in the Bahamas.
‘She’s stunningly beautiful and looks my age,’ says the 21-year-old singer.
And not surprisingly given that most of Demi’s body parts are so new they are still under warranty.
‘
Body Swapping
‘DEMI Moore’s penchant for cosmetic surgery seems to have rubbed off on her co-stars in the Charlie’s Angels sequel.
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| Drew was glad to have had her spare tyre removed |
Apparently, Drew Barrymore has gone ga-ga over the bodies of the other two Angels – Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu.
She told the magazine that she loves ‘Lucy’s tushie and Cameron’s boobs, adding, ‘not that I don’t love Cameron’s butt and Lucy’s boobs’.
And it is reciprocated by the others, with Cameron gushing: ‘Lucy has great boobs. They’re so firm. And I wish I had Drew’s flesh. It’s so even and firm and voluptuous.’
All of which could start a new craze in Hollywood – cosmetic transplants.
Drew and Cameron will clearly have to fight over Lucy’s boobs, Drew’s skin will be grafted onto Cameron’s body, with Drew getting Cameron’s bum in return.
And Lucy, who couldn’t decide what part of her co-stars she liked most (‘I’m not that specific’), can get her hands (or the hands of one of her co-stars) on any left-overs.
‘
Hands Off Cameron!
‘DREW Barrymore isn’t the only one who has her eyes on Cameron Diaz. So does Justin Timberlake’s mum.
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| Cameron checks her boobs are still there |
The singer recently took his new girlfriend home to meet his mother, Lynn, and the Enquirer says the two hit it off immediately.
‘Cameron charmed everybody – especially Lynn – and that sealed the deal,’ a source close to the couple tells the Enquirer.
‘Cameron went right to the top of the list of women that Justin’s mom thinks would be a perfect match for her son.’
That is one explanation. Another is that Mrs Timberlake also has designs on Cameron’s body parts.
The Enquirer spotted the two at Justin’s show at LA’s Staples Center.
‘Cameron sat right next to Lynn the entire time,’ says the Enquirer. ‘They laughed and hugged. Lynn even held Cammie’s hand.’
Or was it Lucy’s hand? Or maybe even Drew’s hand..?
‘
Crimes Of Passion
”IF it now falls to me to start a fight, to cut out the cancer of bent and twisted journalism in our country with the simple sword of truth and the trusty shield of traditional British fair play, so be it,’ said Jonathan Aitken, who now speaks with Hello!, the magazine that gives it to your straight.
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| A great swordsman |
Joining Jonathan in his ongoing crusade to rid British life of fraud, deceit and downright lying is his new wife, the lovely Elizabeth Harris.
The magazine tells us the facts, including the truth that Elizabeth has been married before, to the late actor Richard Harris, whom she divorced before he departed stage right for good.
She was not married to Harris on the day of her wedding to Aitken, as that would be a crime.
What would it be? Yes, Mr Aitken, it would indeed be bigamy, and that is one of the many wrongs that Jonathan will not stand for.
It is, of course, not to be confused with adultery which, although a crime against God, is so much a part of traditional fair play that Jonathan was impelled to indulge in it when married to Lolicia.
He even sired a child by his mistress, Soraya Khashoggi.
The child is called Petrina, keeping another tradition going, this time the one that dictates that all women in Jonathan’s life have appalling names.
Although neither Soraya nor Petrina were at the do, despite both being invited, Lolicia was there.
‘Jonathan was a big part of my life,’ says she. ‘I loved him and I really want him to be happy. Elizabeth is looking after him beautifully – much better than me. I was a wildcat.’
As opposed to Jonathan, who is something of a stray dog.
‘
Speed Freak
‘GIVEN the average toff’s liking for drugs and booze, an article about the Earl Of March And Kinrara and his love of the ‘Festival of Speed’ causes an eyebrow to pop up.
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| Charlie’s hooked on speed |
But it nothing so brazen, and the Earl is just a fan of the cars and other vehicles that hare around his track at Goodwood House and its 11,000-acre estate.
Fittingly enough, the Earl, known as Charles March hereon in, is seen seated in a car. But he’s soon out, wearing a suit and standing beneath a tree.
A swift walk into the wardrobe and the Earl is now seated on a gold-painted chair in the middle of large, bare room.
He gets about does our Earl. He’s a real speed freak. And like all speed freaks, he got plenty to say for himself.
He talks at length about his passion for cars, how he has helped restore the house to its former glory and how it is a heavy burden to be custodian to your ancestors’ heritage.
And before you know it he’s gone. Speed does that to a person…
‘
Children In Crisis
‘OH happy day! How we’ve waited and waited and now after too long a gap Tania Bryer is back to tell us about her fantastic life.
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| The epitome of good grooming |
This week’s event tops the lot, as the woman whose bray makes a horse blush shared a few words with Sarah Ferguson at the launch of Sarah’s latest book, Moments.
The book of photographs taken by the Duchess was to be the fulcrum of the chatter, but the show was shamelessly stolen by Tania, who indulged in a severe case of handbags with the hostess.
Sarah’s bag has a picture of her daughters emblazoned on the front, in the manner of one of those ‘WANTED: Dead Or Alive’ T-shirts you get at fun fairs.
Tania’s bag has a picture of her daughter.
And the really uncanny thing is that Sarah’s book is being sold in aid of a charity called – get this – Children in Crisis.
Might as well pop the cash in Tania’s bag and be done with it…
‘
Bobby Dazzler
‘ONE imagines the competition around the world for the first interview with Jade Goody after the birth of her son Bobby was intense.
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| ”Me a pig? Pull the udder one” |
Goody, after all, is a huge star in the Far East, where her wit and wisdom are admired by teenagers and parents alike; she’s a massive hit across Europe; and is even bigger in Africa than Nelson Mandela and Cameron Stout combined.
But OK! fought off rival bids to secure the world exclusive rights to an interview with the former Big Brother contestant and boyfriend Jeff Brazier and photos of them with ”adorable” baby, Bobby Jack Brazier.
We learn that Jade and Jeff didn’t know what sex Bobby was before he came out.
”We didn’t even look to see what sex he was,” Jade admits. ”We were just like ‘It’s a baby!”’
What exactly they were expecting we dread to think, but it wasn’t a piglet.
Both admit to being hurt by a tabloid picture of a pig, purporting to be a spitting image of the baby, as they were by comments about the baby’s initials, BJ.
”Kate Lawler said something on RI:SE,” says Jeff (although that is the televisual equivalent of the proverbial tree falling in a forest when no-one is around to hear it).
”When someone attacks your baby you become the most protective person in the world. I suppose when she has a baby, she will understand.”
Indeed – and we’re sure that OK! will once again win the battle to secure the worldwide exclusive pictures of the little tacker.
But back to Jade and we learn that Bobby is not only the name of her son, but is also her dream.
”I’d love to be on The Bill just to wear a uniform,” she says (when asked to describe her ideal job).
In other words, Jade’s greatest ambition in life is to become a pig. We wish her every success…
‘
On The Side Of The Angels
‘WOMEN of the world, rip off your aprons, go and buy a push-up bra and organise yourself into crime-fighting trios – Charlie’s Angels is the feminist vision of the future.
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| ”When shall we three meet again?” |
So says one third of the big screen’s sexiest crime-busting team – Cameron Diaz.
”The Angels are out there going ‘By the way, this is who you should be and this is where women are going to end up,” Cameron tells OK!
”I think we’re holding up a mirror to women and saying this is who you are, this is what you’re capable of and this is what you’re doing at the present time.”
Of course, when most people look in the mirror, they don’t see the face of Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore or Lucy Liu looking back at them.
And when they try a high-kick, they spend the next six months in hospital trying to repair a shattered hip and torn groin.
Added to which, there is the small matter of the Angels’ boss being a man, but Cameron still sees her character as a good role model for young girls.
”I feel really good about the sort of image we’re putting out there,” she says, ”and I feel confident that we’re giving them something that is completely reasonable and achievable.”
So what are you waiting for, lay-deez? There are crimes to be solved, baddies to be beaten up, bikinis to be worn…
‘
Pop, The Weasel
‘WE are sad to see that Anorak’s favourite columnist Joanna Taylor is now on permanent holiday and her place in Hot Stars has been filled (and then some) by Kerry Katona.
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| Kerry and pair of tits |
Kerry certainly has the front for the job, but whether she will be able to rival Joanna’s forthright views, not to mention her wit and charm, we will have to wait and see.
But the former Atomic Kitten makes a great start this week with her views on Brookside (”I find it really boring”), Harry Potter (”I don’t buy the books, I just go to watch the film with Bryan”) and Lee Ryan (”He just looks a little silly”).
She also gets to tell us how excited husband Bryan McPudding is to have been named Celebrity Dad Of The Year, ”especially because he beat David Beckham, Tony Blair and Jamie Oliver”.
”He’s just so much fun with the kids, so playful, and both Molly and Lilly Sue are Daddy’s girls,” explains Kerry (who reminds us that she was Celebrity Mum Of The Year in 2002).
And so is Amy Barker, the lapdancer whom Bryan slept with while Kerry was at home nursing baby Molly…
‘
Moore In The Raw
‘DO you know why Demi Moore is ”looking better than ever”? Doctors Nip ‘n’ Tuck have had a hand and a few stitches in the anti-ageing process.
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| ”Did Bruce make you feel this alive, Demi?” |
But the real reason is that she is one of the many to have taken up the ”hottest new diet”.
This diet is so hot that it has led to Demi losing 15lbs and given her all the energy she needs to survive the rigours of lipo, rhino and, for those troublesome imperfections, brillo.
And the key word is ”raw”. ”Raw food in Demi’s secret to staying young forever,” says an unnamed source.
To help us see this truth, the Enquirer raids Demi’s attic and produces a picture of a woman with generous hips and ”cottage cheese” thighs.
The difference is marked. It’s chalk and cottage cheese.
But thanks to ”raw-food guru” Juliano Brotman we can now all eat and live like Demi.
”Elephants and gorillas never eat protein in their lives. They just eat leaves and water,” says Brotman. In his unpolluted, protein free mind, this news should make us ”stop obsessing about protein”.
So if you want to look like an elephant or a gorilla you can. And if want to look like Demi, you can lose the trunk and excess hair at a decent cosmetic surgery.
‘
Turning The Other Cheek
‘IF you really want to be famous, you should apply now while stocks last for the new Anorak Eazy Ass. This simple padded backside slips into the gusset of even the skimpiest thong to give you the J-Lo cleavage you’ve always craved.
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| Putting the ass in class |
The original J-Lo Back’N’Pack is modelled by the diva in this week’s Enquirer.
But Ben Affleck, Jenn’s husband to be Mark III, is sick of people obsessing over the backside of his fiancée. He wants J-Lo to tidy up her image and show the real her.
So her manager Benny Medina has been sacked. He was, apparently, responsible for creating an image of the singer that was way off base.
Ben wants us to know that ”in the physical sense, she is extremely chaste”. He reminds us that Jenn has only ever had five boyfriends.
So Ben is setting about changing Jenn’s image. Following Medina out the door and down the rose-petal strewn driveway are Jenn’s publicist Alan Nierob and her agent Patrick Whitesell.
And the amazing thing is that Jen has agreed to Ben’s demands. ”She’s telling friends she’ll do whatever it takes to get him to the altar,” says a source.
She’s putting her past behind her. And thank to Anorak technology, so can you…
‘
New Faces
‘ONE man who is finding it hard to change his image, if not his face, is Michael Jackson.
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| Do you know this man who was out with Michael Jackson? |
The Enquirer says that Jacko has got so few friends to play with that he recently paid his driver to go out with him in Las Vegas.
”First Michael called Celine Dion, then Siegfried and Roy and then Gladys Knight, but they were all busy,” says a source. ”So as a last resort, he asked for the driver who’d been taking him around town.”
He date went ahead, with Jacko and his new best pal sharing a $400 meal at the Four Seasons Hotel. The unnamed companion was then being given $500 for his time.
If you want to go out with Jackson, send us a letter explaining why and your price. This offer is only open to those over the age of 18.
‘
Moore In The Raw
‘DO you know why Demi Moore is ”looking better than ever”? Doctors Nip ‘n’ Tuck have had a hand and a few stitches in the anti-ageing process.
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| ”Did Bruce make you feel this alive, Demi?” |
But the real reason is that she is one of the many to have taken up the ”hottest new diet”.
This diet is so hot that it has led to Demi losing 15lbs and given her all the energy she needs to survive the rigours of lipo, rhino and, for those stubborn imperfections, brillo.
And the key word is ”raw”. ”Raw food in Demi’s secret to staying young forever,” says an unnamed source.
To help us see this truth, the Enquirer raids Demi’s attic and produces a picture of a woman with generous hips and ”cottage cheese” thighs.
The difference is marked. It’s chalk and cottage cheese.
But thanks to ”raw-food guru” Juliano Brotman we can now all eat and live like Demi.
”Elephants and gorillas never eat protein in their lives. They just eat leaves and water,” says Brotman. In his unpolluted, protein-free mind, this news should make us ”stop obsessing about protein”.
So if you want to look like an elephant or a gorilla, you can. And if you want to look like Demi, you can lose the trunk and excess hair at a decent cosmetic surgery.
‘
Turning The Other Cheek
‘IF you really want to be famous, you should apply now while stocks last for the new Anorak Eazy Ass. This simple padded backside slips into the gusset of even the skimpiest thong to give you the J-Lo cleavage you’ve always craved.
 |
| Putting the ass in class |
The original J-Lo Back’N’Pack is modelled by the diva in this week’s Enquirer.
But Ben Affleck, Jenn’s husband to be (Mark III), is sick of people obsessing over the backside of his beloved. He wants J-Lo to tidy up her image and show the real her.
So her manager Benny Medina has been sacked. He was, apparently, responsible for creating an image of the singer that was way off base.
Ben wants us to know that ”in the physical sense, she is extremely chaste”. He reminds us that Jenn has only ever had five boyfriends.
So Ben is setting about changing Jenn’s image. Following Medina out the door, and down driveway strewn with the orchid petals, are Jenn’s publicist Alan Nierob and her agent Patrick Whitesell.
And the amazing thing is that Jen has agreed to Ben’s demands. ”She’s telling friends she’ll do whatever it takes to get him to the altar,” says a source.
She’s putting her past behind her. And thanks to Anorak technology, you can put it behind you, too.
‘
New Faces
‘ONE man who is finding it hard to change his image, if not his face, is Michael Jackson.
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| Do you know this man who was out with Michael Jackson? |
The Enquirer says that Jacko has got so few friends to play with that he recently paid his driver to go out with him in Las Vegas.
”First Michael called Celine Dion, then Siegfried and Roy and then Gladys Knight, but they were all busy,” says a source. ”So as a last resort, he asked for the driver who’d been taking him around town.”
He date went ahead, with Jacko and his new best pal sharing a $400 meal at the Four Seasons Hotel. The unnamed companion was then being given $500 for his time.
If you want to go out with Jackson, send us a letter explaining why and your price.
Warning: This offer is only open to those over the age of 18.
‘
Full Marks For Dressage
‘HER mother has been teased for years for looking like a horse, her father was a horse rider of some renown and her boyfriend is a jockey.
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| Best turned-out? |
Given her bloodstock, it would be surprising if Zara Phillips did not have something of the equine about her.
And, despite Hello!’s best attempts to portray Princess Anne’s 22-year-old daughter as a style icon, it’s fair to say that she doesn’t look completely out of place in the paddock.
The magazine catches up with Zara at Royal Ascot, where she turned up in a slinky, slashed-to-the-thigh Gharani Stork dress, ”which was revealing in the most attractive way”.
And indeed the accompanying picture confirms that Zara was showing quite a lot of fetlock as she strolled along beside boyfriend Richard Johnson.
But Zara was not alone in making a fashion statement.
”Although Zara stole the show,” says Hello!, ”the Queen’s daffodil-yellow silk suit won admiring glances on Opening Day, as did the soft pink outfit worn by mother-to-be The Countess Wessex, who braved the jolting journey down the course in an open landau, smiling broadly.”
And to prove the point, the magazine publishes a picture of Sophie making light of her husband’s absence, no doubt on some important business trip overseas.
We can only marvel at the way the Countess, who is three months pregnant, endures the trauma of being ferried to her seat in the Royal Box.
She truly is an example to expectant mothers the world over.
‘
Low-Rent Kents
‘THE Queen barely gets a look-in in this week’s edition of Hello! before she is muscled out of the way by Prince and Princess Pushy.
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| Pushy Palace |
While Her Majesty has to content herself with a couple of shots at the races, Prince and Princess Michael hog the limelight with an intimate and revealing interview.
In it, we learn that the Princess is, in her own words, ”a rather easy-going central European woman” – although she spoils the effect somewhat by also admitting to being ”volatile and Hungarian”.
Nor could the accusation that the couple swan around doing nothing be further from the truth.
”We work very hard,” says Princess Easy-Going. ”We earn what we live on. We pay for every gallon of petrol, every sheet of paper…”
Everything, in fact, except of course for the small matter of the £120,000-a-year rent on their apartment in Kensington Palace.
”We did it up ourselves and we pay for everything including staff,” says Princess Laid-Back. ”We don’t pay rent, but no member of the family pays rent. It is in the Queen’s gift.”
And it’s not hard being generous when you have a dozen or so palaces to your name…
‘
Posted: 25th, June 2003 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)
Wills’ Way
‘FROM royalty it is only a small step up to Catherine Zeta Jones and a small step down again to Prince William, whose 21st birthday seems to have gone on for a whole month.
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| Prince William spends much of his time looking at porn on the Internet |
Hello! is just the latest of a long, long line of magazines and newspapers to publish ”his most candid interview ever”.
In it, William admits that he enjoyed a two-year fling with Britney Spears, has experimented with cocaine and ecstasy and once walked in on The Queen polishing Prince Philip’s crown jewels.
Okay, so not all of that’s strictly true but, as you will now no doubt have read the interview 100 times, you will know that the truth is really very anodyne.
Prince William is a polo-playing toff, who gets on well with his brother, enjoys walking, doesn’t have a girlfriend, drinks cider, rides motorbikes and wants to help others.
He is also fascinated by the royal families of Europe and loves nothing better in his free time than dressing up as Marie Antoinette…
‘
An MA In Marriage
‘WE hereby propose that the first year of a couple’s marriage be renamed forever – from the Paper Anniversary to the Magazine Anniversary.
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| Where are they now? |
And to celebrate their MA with us are Jack Ryder and Kym Marsh, ”proving the doubters wrong”.
Can it really be a year since Kym and Jack got married? It must be because OK! says it is, and invites us to take a look at what the nine-carat-gold-plated couple are up to now.
”The time has flown by,” says Jack, who would be expected to say that time has dragged as he’s been pretty much unemployed since his soap character was killed off.
But it seems that each day with Kym is like a lifetime. ”It feels like we have known each other for ages, for years, for all our lives. But when you look at the time scale it has been five minutes…”
What was that about time really dragging when you’re having fun?
Of course Jack forgets to mention past lives, when Kym was a famous popstar with golden tonsils and polycystic ovaries (like Victoria Beckham and Jools Oliver), and he was ”every girl’s pin-up”.
But that was then and this is now…
‘
Pitta Bred
‘JADE Goody’s new baby Bobby is doing fine. He’s taken to Jade’s kebabs like a duck to a piece of soggy pitta bread and is building up his strength.
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| A Bobby-eyed view of Jade’s onion ring |
And mum and dad are eager for the love not to end there. Putting the gherkins in Bobby’s doners will be dad, Jeff Brazier, who will provide the fatherly yang love to Jade’s mothering yin.
But they will not marry. There will be no Magazine Anniversary for Jade and Jeff.
”I just think we need to concentrate on our house and baby,” says Jeff on the subject of marriage. ”There’s no rush, really.”
But how can she, being unwed, have just completed a version of Celebrity Wife Swap, the show in which two husbands swap their wives in the manner of a 1970s cliche, albeit without the drama or the sex?
Has Jade committed TV fraud?
Like real talent, the truth will out…
‘
Future Perfect
‘FORGET MI5, the lone Duke with the pistol on the grassy footbridge, and cast a glance at Rita Rogers.
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| ”I see James Hewitt and Prince Harry talking… |
For those not in the know, Rita was a close pal of the late Princess Diana.
Rita is a great clairvoyant, the woman with the medium touch who foresaw that Diana would NOT be in the car when it crashed on that fateful day in Paris.
That’s right, she claims to have known nothing.
But how can we believe her when her soothsaying credentials are so impeccable? It was a mutual connection between her and Di.
When they met, Diana is reported by Rita to have said: ”I’ve got a feeling we’re going to become very good friends.” And so it was.
”She would call me and I’d say: ‘You’re going to the theatre tonight, aren’t you?’ She would reply: ‘Oh you’re so clever, Rita. How do you know that?’ And I’d tell her exactly what she was going to wear and what colour.”
As a stylist, Rita, who sadly fails to practise what she preaches, is a legend.
But how can someone so gifted have failed to spot that Di would perish as he did?
”On my children’s lives,” says Rita, ”this is true. I predicted every single bit of that crash, every bit, apart from that.”
And it gets us thinking. Looking into the ball, we see that Rita will dine out on such tales for years to come, regaling all and sundry with stories of how close she and the Princess were.
Or should that be are?
‘
Moore Is Less
‘WHEN Demi Moore spent $400,000 on a new body, she went for most of the usual features – new breasts, new bum, new stomach, new thighs and new face.
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| Demi’s left hip and knee had rusted again |
But she foolishly said ‘no’ to one important optional extra – and now she is paying the price.
According to the National Enquirer, the 40-year-old actress is being cheated on by her toyboy lover, Ashton Kutcher – and she doesn’t know anything about it.
A source close to the 25-year-old says he has one major vice, women, and he is not very good at monogamy.
”Demi’s very possessive and if she knew he was out on the town flirting with other girls at this early stage of their relationship, it would break her heart,” the source said.
”She’s going to need eyes in the back of her head to keep up with Ashton because he’s the biggest hound in Hollywood.”
Ironically, Demi could have had eyes fitted in the back of her head for only an extra $20,000 when she went for her full body makeover.
To have them fitted now could set her back $100,000 – a lesson, if ever we needed one, that it doesn’t pay to skimp on important capital projects.
Meanwhile, Kutcher’s own eyes are wandering and the object of his lust is Mrs Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston.
”That photo of her with her legs crossed from Rolling Stone was the screensaver on my computer right through college,” he admitted.
But his attempts to update that image with a more candid shot failed recently, despite having a $1,000 bet with a friend that he would take the married actress out on a date.
”Ashton approached Brad at a party and asked for permission to take his wife out,” a friend of the couple tells the Enquirer. ”Brad wasn’t even mildly amused.”
And nor we suspect will Demi be when she finds out. In fact, it would break her heart – were it not now made out of a toughened, shatterproof plastic.
‘
Pitt Of Despair
‘ASHTON Kutcher is not the only person who fancies Jennifer Aniston, it appears.
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| More than just a Friend |
In fact, the Friends star who was recently named as the most powerful person in showbiz is just about the hottest property in Hollywood at the moment.
And that has hot hubby Brad Pitt jealous, says the Enquirer – not of his wife’s success but because he’s worried that she’ll run off with one of her co-stars.
The magazine claims that Brad’s blood pressure skyrocketed over Jen’s ”steamy” on-screen love scene with Jim Carrey in Bruce Almighty.
And at 39, he is worried that Jen’s leading men are just going to get younger and more handsome.
And that is bad not just for Brad’s blood pressure but for other vital signs such as his resting heart rate and cholesterol levels.
”It was one thing when Jen was just a TV star on Friends,” explains an insider. ”Brad knew Jen considered these guys as brothers. She’d never hook up with them.
”But now Brad is watching Jen pair off with one sexy hunk after another in her films – and it’s killing him.”
Which no doubt explains why he took his portable blood pressure monitor into the cinema with him to watch Bruce Almighty.
‘
Love-Hate Relationship
‘IF God didn’t exist, Voltaire said, it would be necessary to invent him.
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| ”Lo siento, no hablo ingles” |
If Courtney Love didn’t exist, we doubt there would be inventers queuing up round the block to come up with a prototype.
This week, Courtney’s large gob (was it any wonder her band were called Hole?) is open for business and its target is Salma Hayek, girlfriend of her ex, Edward Norton.
She insists that Norton will never marry Hayek because ”he can barely understand half of what she’s saying” – a remark reported to have infuriated the couple.
Love, says the Enquirer, soon apologised, insisting that Noton had never said anything derogatory about Hayek to her.
”I especially apologise to Miss Hayek, who is nothing if not brilliant…with a firm grip and style with the English language.”
And that, after all, is what North American men find most attractive about Latin American women. ‘
Crimes Of Fashion
‘IT takes a strong man to say something like: ”Heidi Klum and I are creating something important between us.”
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| Why the Klum face, FB? |
But that’s what ”charismatic” Formula One boss Flavio Briatore is: strong.
So strong is he that he laughs at the obvious danger of a middle-aged man wearing red corduroy trousers and a chunky gold bracelet.
He thinks nothing of walking around wearing a hat with ”FB” embroidered on the front.
He guffaws when he sees a pair of monogrammed slipper (FB again) and a shirt with the same initials on the breast.
There is no danger of Flavio forgetting who he is since his name appears on just about everything he owns. Other than the aforesaid Ms Klum, who remains blessedly single.
‘
