Royal Family Category
The Royal Family, the House of Windsor, in the news and on a horse
Pippa Middleton: I was Pippa’s dwarf stripper double
ANNIE Shields is a dwarf who looks like Pippa Middleton would look were the royal arseness a dwarf. As luck has it, Annie works as a stripper in London.
Says Annie, from Basingstoke, Hants, in the Sunday Sport (yeah, we know – Gordon Ramsay is here):
“I’ll do an XXX show with punters – if the audience collect enough in a whip-round. “I’ve never had any complaints!”
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Posted: 29th, April 2012 | In: Royal Family | Comments (2)
Kate Middleton at the African Cats Premiere – Photos
AROUND one year ago, commoner Kate Middleton (“OK ya!”) married royal Prince William (“Yeah, dude, sure thing”) in a massive display of pomp and wealth sat neatly on Pippa Middleton’s taught buttocks. For their anniversary Prince Charles is being urged to give William the throne. That for later. Last night the Duchess of Cambridge, for it is he, was at the the premier of the film African Cats. It’s a film about African cats, the sort of things William’s ancestors used to murder for fun…
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Posted: 26th, April 2012 | In: Film, Royal Family | Comment
Pippa Middleton pops a cap in da ass of gun culture
AND so it came to pass that Pippa Middleton did change the course of popular culture. No longer is waving a gun – imaginary or with hooked fingers – the stuff of the urban warrior. It’s now the kind of thing entitled braying ninnies do on their way to a fancy dress party in gay Paris.
As soon as news of Pippa and her chums’ gun larks reached LA, local gang members put down their weapons and looked for other past-times. Says one local gang leader:
“Now dat motha-fuckka Pippa has popped a cpa in da ass of our look we be needin’ some new ideas.”
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Posted: 17th, April 2012 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment
Pistol Pippa Middleton continues her morphing into Prince Andrew (video)
PIPPA Middelton may have to stop going commando after one of her party waved a pistol at photographers in Paris. In France to celebrate Viscount Arthur de Soultrait’s 29th birthday – a Louis XIV and Marie Antoinette themed do with dwarves, a randy Cardinal and canapes – Pippa was in the front of a convertible Audi when the driver waved a gun and pointed it towards a photographer. All the while Pippa grins. GunPolicy.org says anyone brandishing a gun, real or fake, faces imprisonment.
We can thus reveal that Pippa’s prison garb will be a) blue and b) floor-length and c) made of silk.
Pippa is turning and being turned into younger female version of the Duke of York, that buffoon Prince Andrew. He gets to play golf around the world; she gets to watch tennis. Both hang out with braying ninnies with an air of entitlement. He attends arms shows; she likes fashion shows. They crave celebrity. Meanwhile, The Queen trudges on, dutifully. We won’t just miss her when she’s gone. We’ll be hard pressed to find something in the papers or on the telly that doesn’t feature one of the Showbiz Windsors and their supporting cast larking about.
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Posted: 16th, April 2012 | In: Royal Family | Comment
The Royal visit to York in photos – Maundy with Beatrice
THE Queen and the Duke of Duke of Edinburgh took Princess Beatrice out for a day in York. There they met the local Archbishop, saw lots of flag wavers, viewed an exhibition of medieval costumes designed by York College Students (see above), went to the Royal Maundy Service held in York Minster and ate spam sandwiches in the car when it started to rain. Then granny fell asleep and grandpa gave her a small shove, just to check she was breathing…
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Posted: 7th, April 2012 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Prince Harry saves Bash Kazi in Polo – a Mills & Boon special
PRINCE Harry has once more saved the day. This time Harry Baseball Cap was on hand to put US businessman Bash Kazi into the recovery pose when he fell from his polo horse. As the Daily Mail’s caption notes:
“Harry slowly rolls Mr Kazi into the recovery position, while the horses and riders look helplessly on.”
Horse are so bloody useless in a crisis. But Luckily Harry was in Brazil and a man was saved.
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Posted: 2nd, April 2012 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Duchess of Cornwall gets a new jumper
THE Duchess of Cornwall – Camilla – smiles after receiving a replica jumper from The Killing actress Sophie Grabol (left) who plays Sarah Lund in the series following a tour of the current set in Lynge, Denmark.
Posted: 27th, March 2012 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Prince Harry’s heart breaks alongside Fabrice Muamba
AS Fabrice Muamba lies in a hospital bed recovering from cardiac arrest, the Daily Star leads with him and new that Prince’s Harry’s heart has been broken.
Good to see the Star remains as sensitive as ever…
Fabrice Muamba turns from sponging black immigrant to footballing hero
Posted: 20th, March 2012 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Queen Elizabeth signs new five-year deal with Team UK
HER Majesty Queen Elizabeth 2 has rededicated herself to the service of Britain. Her decision to remain on the throne and take herself off the transfer list was down to the “resilience, ingenuity and tolerance” of the supporters.
The 85-year-old stalwart, who has in recent weeks been linked with moves to the Arab Emirates, an independent Scotland, Italy, Russia, Portugal and China, performed a dramatic U-turn and committed herself to Team UK for five more years. The new deal takes in a buy-out clause of £2.2bn, a testimonial at 90 and a guarantee of first-team handshaking opportunities.
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Posted: 20th, March 2012 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Prince Harry – Putting The Rough In The Queen’s Diamond Jubilee Stag Do
AFTER days of celebrating Prince Harry’s normality as he toured the Caribbean and south America – kissing models, racing a Bolt and being feted like a tour booker on a fact-finding mission for a Stag night firm – the larking royal has been told to stop boozing.
In “HIS ROYAL DRYNESS”, the Sun – just back from the Caribbean (thanks for the trip, Hal) reports:
Prince told to stop boozing..or risk axe from Afghan chopper mission…Prince Harry has been banned from pubs — so he can concentrate on his Army helicopter training.
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Posted: 13th, March 2012 | In: Royal Family | Comment
‘Normal’ Prince Harry dodges bullets and keeps his pecker up in Brazil
PRINCE Harry has doing the Royal Family’s PR on a tour that has taken in cocktails in the Bahamas, beach volleyball in Rio de Janeiro, a “meet and greet” with Miss Bahamas, a running race with Usain Bolt and a polo match at Haras Larissa, a Brazilian boutique hotel, where he was kissed on the cheek by Fernanda Motta, a swimsuit model and TV presenter.
“I’ve had a gas,” says Harry.
The story us summed by one comment at the Times, which has a John Buckeridge saying:
Good for him. He is how the royal family should be i.e. normal.
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Posted: 12th, March 2012 | In: Royal Family | Comments (2)
Kate Middleton is pregnant – Peter Andre, Katie Price and Kerry Katona will be delighted
KATE Middleton places a hand on her tum-tum and waves to the crowd. To her side OK! delivers the headline is bold yellow ink:
“A ROYAL BABY”
Can it be that Kate is pregnant? Kate is touching her stomach in the way pregnant women do in the tabloids. And that headline does crete the impression that Middleton is up the duff. Only the smaller print informs us:
“How having a baby will transform her life”.
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Posted: 9th, March 2012 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment (1)
Kate Middleton must try harder
TODAY Kate Middleton accompanied her husbands’s grandmother and grandfather to Leicester. It was brill fun and Kate never rolled her eyes once nor laughed when Her Maj asked if “Hawaii O5” was on the telly later and Phil slapped her bum and asked her if she was Eddie’s nanny…
Posted: 8th, March 2012 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Prince Harry takes on Usain Bolt – cheats and wins (photos)
PRINCE Harry began his tour of Jamaica by racing spring champion Usain Bolt, at the University of the West Indies. Harry cheated. He won the 20metre race by waiting for Bolt to look then other way and setting off. Said Bolt:
“He cheated. I said we will have a re-match at London 2012. Harry said he was busy. I’m still the fastest man in the world, so he has a long way to go…He was coo. He is very down-to-earth. He just wanted a laugh. It was an honour and a pleasure to meet him.”
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Posted: 6th, March 2012 | In: Royal Family | Comments (4)
Prince Harry does the Bahamas – Bahamas yields (photos)
PRINCE Harry has made it to the Bahamas. There he was presented with a portrait of himself. It wasn’t a caricature done by a precinct Picasso in black ink, with Harry smoking a massive refer, scarfing a rum punch and squiring a lovely bevy of lovelies. No, no. Wait for the photos. This is a neat portrait of Harry looking demure, as befits his role as one of the patriotic flag bearers for this year of Great British greatness. 2012 is the year of the Great British London Olympics and the Great British Queen’s Golden Jubilee. Lucky old Harry gets to escape the place for a while and build up his tolerances before the real pomp begins…
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Posted: 5th, March 2012 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment
Mek wih go paaty: Prince Harry hits Belize (photos)
PRINCE William gets the Falkland Islands. Prince Harry gets a “block party” in Belize, and a tour of the Bahamas, Jamaica and Brazil as a representative of Queen Elizabeth II.
When William talks of family he seems to mean his mother, with a tilted head and reserved sentimentality. For Harry, family is grandiose, like his father. So. Harry gets to go to the Caribbean. Alone. No significant other. The spectre of casual sex and a princess spotted in a sea of faces looms.
Prince Harry’s first stop was Belmopan, the capital of Belize. He went to name a street in honour of the Queen, and to dance and to drink rum.
Said Hal:
“Her Majesty has asked me to send her good wishes to you all. She remembers so fondly her visits to this beautiful realm and speaks of the warmth of welcome she received on her most recent visit in 1994. I’m only sorry she can’t make it and you’re stuck with me.”
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Posted: 3rd, March 2012 | In: Royal Family | Comment (1)
Daily Telegraph calls Kate Middleton a witch?
WHAT can the Daily Telegraph mean by positioning a photograph of Kate Middleton, Camilla Duchess of Cornwall and The Queen on their shopping trip to Fortnum & Mason above a story on witchcraft?
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Posted: 2nd, March 2012 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Kate Middleton shops for fat with The Queen at Fortnums – in photos
TODAY, Kate Middleton went shopping with Queen Elizabeth II, the Duchess of Cornwall and the Queen at Fortnum and Mason in London. The royal guests met military personnel involved in the Gifts For Troops scheme, which sends packages to soldiers serving in Afghanistan. Our Boys an Girls get tea and biscuits (Hobbing Nobs) if they’re out there during the Diamond Jubilee weekend. They might even get some foie gras and candied peel. Fortnums is the posh shop that sells tortured goose fat. It being one of Kate Middelton’s top five sources of fat, the other four being: lamb chops, KitKats, suet and custard creams …
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Posted: 1st, March 2012 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment
Prince Charles cocks his weapon
PRINCE Charles spent St David’s Day working as Colonel in Chief of the Welsh Guards – and firing a paintball gun.
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Posted: 1st, March 2012 | In: Royal Family | Comments (2)
Death of King George VI in photos
THE Death of King George VI was not on twitter. Rolling news had not yet been invented, nor deemed necessary. Its birth can be traced back to the Coronation of Queen Elizabeth II. The news business was different back then. Look at the captions: “Serious faces on lunch time crowds at Ludgate Circus as they read the morning papers, reflect the tragic news of the death of King George VI” and “His face reflecting the grief of the nation at the King’s death, Prime Minister Winston Churchill leaves St. James’ Palace, London, after attending the Privy Council meeting, automatically summoned on the death of the Sovereign and known as the Accession Council.” Reference in a sensation-proof silken mitt…
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Posted: 25th, February 2012 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Kate Middleton and Prince William’s dog is called Lupo
KATE Middleton and Prince Williams’s dog is called Lupo. Not squidy. Not Wills. Not Golly. Lupo. Their dog is a black cocker spaniel puppy named Lupo, after the Volkswagen car.
The Urban Dictionary describes Lupo:
A premature ejaculation due to federal agents watching through your window, reading the microchip implanted in your brain. Man, she broke up with me because I Lupo’d on her. Wait, I shouldn’t be telling you this! Get away, who are you?? Yeah, MOM INDEED!
Either that or else it;s Italian for ‘wolf’…
Posted: 21st, February 2012 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Real Kate Middleton visits Liverpool – in photos
KATE Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge visited Liverpool today. There are no Royal palaces in Liverpool. Middleton was there to meet the locals at The Brink, an alcohol free bar. As Patron of Action on Addiction, Kate visited Liverpool’s first adult dry bar which is open to all members of the public, but it also has private areas set aside for alcohol counselling, run by Action on Addiction.
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Posted: 14th, February 2012 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comments (2)
Queen to fire lazerbeam down The Mall
AS the Diamond Jubilee concert comes to a close Her Majesty the Queen will dig deep into her dignity and fire a lazerbeam down The Mall.
On June 4, the Queen will stand at Buckingham Palace, hoist a football-sized glass “diamond” on a cushion and light the beacon 1,000 yards away by Admiralty Arch.
The ‘party’ will be big on beacons. There will be 60 in all, in such locales as Hadrian’s Wall, the Tower of London, St James’s Palace, Lambeth Palace and the Palace of Holyroodhouse in Edinburgh. Lots more beacons – 2,012 – will light the world.
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Posted: 12th, February 2012 | In: Royal Family | Comment (1)
In photos – Coronation of Queen Elizabeth II preparations
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IN Photos – the preparation for the Coronation of Queen Elizabeth II:
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Posted: 6th, February 2012 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment
In photos – the Queen’s accession to the throne
TODAY, the Queen today marked the 60th anniversary of her accession to the throne. It’s the formal start of her Diamond Jubilee. Yippee! Sure. It was also the anniversary of the death of her father. The joy is marked with personal loss. Sixty years have passed. Anorak goes back to the day in photos. A young, attractive woman had accepted the call. One question: what does the Queen stand for? Personally and in public…what values does he uphold?
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Posted: 6th, February 2012 | In: Royal Family | Comment
