Royal Family Category
The Royal Family, the House of Windsor, in the news and on a horse
Prince Andrew And Epstein: Hang The Tyrants It’s The Sex We Don’t Like
MORE proof that the Duke and Duchess of York were well suited in the Mail, which continues its investigation into Randy Andy’s relationship with billionaire paedophile Jeffery Epstein.
Having heard from three of Epstein’s women who claim to have met Prince Andrew – Virginia Roberts alleges Andy merely felt up her breast; Sarah Kellen and Nadia Marchikova aren’t telling – we now hear from one woman who Andy has most definitely shagged: The Duchess of York.
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Posted: 7th, March 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment (1)
When Prince Andrew Partied With Billionaire Paedophile, Sarah Kellen And Nadia Marcinkova
PRINCE Andrew, the country’s ‘Trade Envoy’, is making more news for his relationship with convicted paedophile Jeffrey Epstein. Andrew was recently pictured walking with billionaire Epstein in New York after the sex criminal was released from jail – he served “13 months of an 18-month sentence for soliciting prostitution from minors”. The Prince has not reacted to the stories.
But the media are gunning for him. The NoTW is careful to say:
There is no suggestion that the prince ever did anything improper.
Isn’t there? The paper then adds:
But, when quizzed under oath by lawyers, Epstein’s bedroom slave Nadia Marcinkova refused to say if she had sex with Andrew.
Well, true enough. But a refusal is an admittance of nothing. She also refused to say that she didn’t have sex with Andrew. And she could only respond to the questions put to her. The name Prince Andrew has been used deliberately. The lawyer asking her who she had sex with might have added any number of names to the question: “Did you have sex with Osama in Laden at Mr Epstein’s home last week?” I take the Fifth. And then, maybe, I sell the book and work the TV circuit.
Last week, we met Virginia Roberts, who claims she was shagging Epstein she was a minor aged 15. Now we get the second woman:
There is no evidence the Duke of York – fourth in line to the throne – had any sexual contact during his visits to Epstein’s luxurious Florida spread. But the refusal of his host’s associates to deny it raises yet more questions about his judgement.
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Posted: 6th, March 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comments (15)
Queen Takes Part In Panel Game Show In Warwickshire
THE Queen was at the Royal Shakespeare Theatre in Stratford-upon-Avon. Earlier, she and the Duke of Edinburgh officially open the Magistrates Court at the Warwickshire Justice Centre in Leamington Spa. She looked impressive and unforgiving on the high bench. Either that or she looked part of the panel on a game show called What’s My Kink. Later, she went to jail. Really…
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Posted: 4th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment
William & Kate: Camilla Cut From Royal Wedding Film
ROYAL Wedding Tat Watch has been sent stills from the William & Kate film, currently been recorded in Los Angeles. The movie, directed by Mark Rosman, and starring Camilla Luddington and Nico Evers-Swindell as the poshest Commoner in Britain and her prince.
According to the imdb, the film features a role for Prince Charles and “Jigsaw Boss” but none for Camilla. Is Ye Olde Tampon being airbrushed out of the story..?
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Posted: 4th, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comments (2)
World Book Day: Camilla Duchess Of Cornwall Is Mrs Danvers
TODAY was World Book day. Old Mr Anorak was in Iran, and dressed as Palpatine from the Star Wars films. Mr Ahmadinejad says Star Wars is a Jewish conspiracy. Quick as a flash, our patron confessed he was in actual fact dressed as the mythical author of the Protocols of Zion and that Mad Mahmoud was not to tell anyone because Jews were everywhere (including in his family tree).
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Posted: 3rd, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Camilla Does The Royal Naval Chaplaincy Service
CAMILLA Duchess of Windsor Tamponia Conrnwall has met with the chaplains at the Royal Naval Chaplaincy Service annual conference at the Armed Forces Chaplaincy centre, Andover, Hampshire.
Everyone ready for the photo? One….Two… Three… “Adulteryyyyyy“….
Posted: 2nd, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Sarah Ferguson Explores Her ‘Lotus Flower’ For Cash
JOBBING Royal pimp Sarah Ferguson is on Oprah Winfrey’s telly network talking about her lotus flower. No, it’s not a euphemism for her big toe, but an actual inner flower – that should not be eaten to excess lest it cause Fergie to fall into a delusional fugue:
“They always say a lotus flower grows with very strong roots in muddy water, and it grows tall and strong and no water sticks to its leaves. We mustn’t let negativity stick to us. But how could I have been a lotus flower on that day, on May 23 [the day she was caught out flogging Prince Andrew]? I was not aware of my roots [daughter of stable lad], I wasn’t standing tall and I had a world of negativity stuck to me. I was happy just sitting in my own isolated, lonely place, alone with Sarah, because at least I had myself. I was just going to be there because I couldn’t trust anyone, except for my girls and Andrew. And so I went to find the lotus flower within myself.”
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Posted: 1st, March 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Teenage Prostitute Virginia Roberts Says Prince Andrew Is A Creepy Letch: No News There
THE Duke of York, aka Randy Andy, aka Airmiles Andy, placed his arm about the waist of 17-year-old Virginia Roberts in 2001. The photo, reproduced in the Mail, was taken in London.
At the time, Roberts worked for Jeffrey Epstein, a billionaire convicted of hiring under-age prostitutes.
The Mail says:
“‘You did well. The Prince had fun’ – What girl in underage sex case was told after entertaining the Duke of York at request of his friend the sex offender”
Roberts has issued a civil writ against Epstein, in which she was claims to have been “sexually exploited by Epstein’s adult male peers including royalty”. She told her story to the Mail three years ago.
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Posted: 28th, February 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comments (29)
Lady Katie Percy’s Wedding Photos: Middleton And Davy Come Too
PIPPA Middleton and Chelsy Davy were there to see Lady Catherine Percy and Patrick Valentine marry. Lady Katie is a gun maker and mechanic who says:
“I’m dying to get a machine-gun mount so I can rest a .22 on one and shoot rabbits.”
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Posted: 27th, February 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Kate Middleton’s Hairy First Engagement In Anglesey: Photos
KATE Middleton was on a visit to Anglesey for her first official engagement as Prince William’s partner. She met members of the public during a Naming Ceremony and Service of Dedication for the Royal National Lifeboat Instution’s (RNLI) new Atlantic 85 Lifeboat ‘Hereford Endeavour’, at Trearddur Bay Lifeboat Station, in Trearddur Bay.
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Posted: 25th, February 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Royal Wedding Tat Watch: The Official Tea Towel
ROYAL Wedding Tat Watch: Introducing the tankard and tea towel. Is a china tea tankard the next big thing in tea? At £35 a pop it’s a statement. The tea towel is £7.95. Again, that’s not too cheap for a towel that mops up spilled tea.
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Posted: 22nd, February 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Royal Wedding Invitation: Photos
WANT to see the wedding invitation Prince William and Kate Middleton are sending out? Of course you do.
It’s really simple stuff. No brocade, gilding, hologram pop-up of a footman reading the invite aloud.
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Posted: 19th, February 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment (1)
Mexican Hunger Striker Demands Ticket For Royal Wedding: Sarah Ferguson Missing
MEXICAN monarchist “Estibalis Chavez” wants a ticket to Prince William and Kate Middleton’s wedding so badly that she’s set up a tent outside the British embassy in Mexico City and gone on hunger strike.
Says she:
“I have been a fan of Lady Di since I was a little girl. My mother was also a fan … I promised myself I would go to the next royal wedding. I intend to fight until the very end … there is no turning back.”
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Posted: 19th, February 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment (1)
Queen Wears New Austerity Crown In Windsor
THE Queen was meeting pupils at King’s Court First School, in Old Windsor, Berkshire, on the occasion of its 50th anniversary. They presented her with austerity crowns. After all, we are all in this together…
Posted: 18th, February 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Royal Wedding Tat Watch: The Sick Bag
ROYAL Wedding Tat Watch: The Prince William and Kate Middleton Commemorative Sick Bag…
Spotter and maker: Lydia Leith
Posted: 16th, February 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comments (6)
Prince Harry Is Target Of Homophobic Abuse At Gay Club
PRINCE Harry has been to a gay bar in London’s Soho. The News of The World, enraged by former Sky Sports football pundit Andy Gray’s sexism of TV, peppers the story with these phrases:
“Ginger beer”
“…his shirt lifting out of his jeans.”
“Then, with muscly armed policemen in tow, he strolled past sex shops in London’s red light district before being driven home”…
“Harry, 26, usually leaves nightclubs by the back door…”
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Posted: 13th, February 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment (1)
Kate Middleton Kidnapped In Amersham: Royal Wedding Watch
KATE Middleton has been kidnapped in Amersham, Bucks. Was she shopping for frumpery at local boutique Amber’s of Amersham? No. Kate was in a field by hundreds of children. Persons dressed in balaclavas approached and abducted her.
Prince William is there. He turns to the kidz and says, “Thank f***! She was diong’ my head right in.”
No. That’s a joke. He appeals for help. Will the kids help him find Kate? There’s a badge in it, maybe. And a woggle. Two woggles if you find her intact. And Camilla got spare fags. Who’s in?
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Posted: 12th, February 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comments (8)
Royal Wedding Tat Watch: The JFK Julianne Moore
IS that Kate Middleton and Prince Williams on the Birmingham Mint’s Royal Wedding Coin? Or is it JFK marrying Julianne Moore..?
Posted: 11th, February 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comments (4)
Prince William And Kate Middleton Are Sid And Nancy: Photo
ROYAL Wedding Art Watch: Rich Simmons has created a mural on the Southbank in London in support of the upcoming royal wedding. Prince William is Sid Vicious to Kate Middleton’s Nancy Spungen.
Vicious is thought by many to have murdered Spungen. Not longer after his death he tried to commit suicide. Not long after that he died of a drugs overdose.
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Posted: 10th, February 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment (1)
Royal Wedding Tat Watch: Kiss Me Kate Beer
ROYAL Wedding Tat Watch: Castle Rock Brewery has created a commemorative beer called Kiss Me Kate. Castle Rock’s head brewer, Adrian Redgrove, bubble over:
“Kiss Me Kate will be elegant, tasteful and British to the core. It’ll be brewed to 5%, pale in colour and, we’re sure it’ll be the ideal way to toast the couple’s future happiness.”
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Posted: 9th, February 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment (1)
Camilla Gives Kate Middleton A Spinning Wheel
THE Duchess of Cornwall’s day out in Wiltshire was notable for three things:
1. We now know that there is a Chairman of the village shop Committee. He’s called Guy Bagnett
2. Camilla is gearing up for Prince William’s wedding to Kate Middleton by learning how to work a wooden spinning wheel. Yep, like in the fairytales. This might not bode well for Kate should her future step-mother-in-law give her a spinning wheel for a wedding fit and leave a few sharp edges on which fingers may be pricked. (Who needs a battered white Fiat Uno when you’ve a spinning wheel?)
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Posted: 7th, February 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Prince William Measured For His Wick
A MEMBER of the Stephen Friedman Gallery measures a life size wax model of Prince William by the artist Jennifer Rubell on show in London. The statue is complete with a replica of his fiancee’s sapphire and diamond engagement ring attached to its forearm, will allow royal fans to pose as would-be Kate Middletons… (If you see Fergie…)
Posted: 7th, February 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment (1)
Diplomatic Protection Squad Get Tasers To Prod The Royal Family Into Action
TOP news is that should anyone poke Camilla with a stick – and she look like she’s not enjoying it – the Diplomatic Protection Squad will zap the perp with a Taser blast. What could possibly go wrong?
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Posted: 6th, February 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment
Royal Wedding Condoms For Your Prince Willy
IN readiness for the wedding for Prince Williams to Kate Middleton, we invite you to sport an themed condom. As thee blurb says:
“Like a Royal Wedding, intercourse with a loved one is an unforgettable occasion.”
The condoms are brought to you buy “the world’s leading supplier of heritage prophylactics“.
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Posted: 29th, January 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment (1)
Kate Middleton Is Beyond Parody: Just Ask Johann Hari, Rod Liddle And Talbot Church
KATE Middleton’s lessons in being unemployed Royal are progressing well. She’s already given up he job, thus putting on an equal footing with Prince Edward. And she’s not getting classes in history form TV history pundit Andrew Roberts. This is how journalism works:
The Independent Spoof:
Mindful that not everyone knows the proud history of the Royal Family, aides have asked pint-sized historian Andrew Roberts to talk the bride-to-be through the history of the House of Windsor. Talbot Church (aka Terence Blaker), Dec 15
The Joker:
The historian Andrew Roberts is to give Kate a lesson in the history of the House of Windsor. ‘Mainly German and not terribly bright’ should do it, I would have thought. Jan 1, Rod Liddle
The Independent Outrage:
It has been revealed that a far right-winger who blames concentration camps victims for their own deaths is giving history lessons to Britain’s future Queen, Kate Middleton. Rod Liddle discloses in passing here that Andrew Roberts is “tutoring” her in the run-up to the royal wedding. To find out just who this “historian” is, read my expose of him here. Johann Hari, January 10, 2011
The Facts:
Andrew Roberts has not been invited to give constitutional history or other lessons to Miss Middleton. There are no plans to approach Andrew Roberts. David Allen Green, Jan 11
The End:
A certain chilliness has entered relations between the palace and leading historian Andrew Roberts. When Roberts was asked to help Kate Middleton with her royal history, it was on the strict understanding that the arrangement would remain confidential. Within days The Spectator got wind that “historian Andrew Roberts is to give Kate a lesson in the history of the House of Windsor”. Amid hurried denials from Clarence House, future coaching lessons with Roberts are now said to be “on hold”. Talbot Church, Jan 12
The Princess:
Posted: 25th, January 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comments (2)
