Royal Family Category
The Royal Family, the House of Windsor, in the news and on a horse
Skatey Kate Middleton Makes Jan Moir Eat Her Teddy
PRINCE William’s lover, the leggy Kate Middleclass, is, like her man, playing at dress ups. Yesterday, Kate was in the papers dressed as a roller (S)Kate-r.
She was “Disco Queen Kate” (Express); “ECHOES OF PRINCESS DI” (Sun); “ROLLER SKATING” (Sun). And the Mail heralded her on its front page as “Skatey Katy”, looking on as she heading to her roller disco in “sober black boots”.
One day on and Kate Middleton is still in her green spandex top, yellow short shorts and roller skates. Has she been home yet?
She’s on the ground. “KATE IN A STATE,” says the Sun. It’s “Skating Kate’s tumble,” says the Express. And the Mail asks: “Is this a portrait of the future Queen of England?”
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Posted: 19th, September 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (5)
Prince William Come Out Of The Closet
PRINCE William approaches the closet and pulls out… No, not him. He’s married.
This is macho Wills pulling out the uniform of the helicopter rescue pilot fraternity, and pulling it on.
Anther day, and with it another uniform. William is dashing off to fly in Sea King helicopter.
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Posted: 16th, September 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (5)
Daily Mirror Rerouts Cisco Away From Prince Harry
THE story so far: the Mirror says Prince Harry Baseball Cap is at his Boujis club, where he is involved in a binge drinking exhibition with one Cisco Adler.
Says the paper’s 3am Girls one day on:
“So Cisco participated in his own flashy drinking games rocking up a massive bar bill, unlike Harry who merely cosied up and relaxed with Chelsy. Bless!”
The Mirror has the story covered, from all angles…
Posted: 10th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Prince Harry Takes On Cisco Alder At Drinking: Journalists Shocked
THE Mirror says that Prince Harry Baseball Cap has spent £5,000 on a two-hour drinking binge.
To Boujis club, London, where Harry and pals are going drink-for-drink with one Cisco Alder, a US “rocker” and his pals.
Harry is drinking Crackberry cocktails – a mix of vodka, passion fruit, sugar syrup, raspberry liqueur and a dash of Aqua de Amy Winehouse, the singer’s new signature scent.
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Posted: 9th, September 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (7)
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Jamie Oliver And A Battery Farmed Prince Charles
CELEBRITY Quote of the day: Jamie Oliver And A Battery Farmed Prince Charles.
Prince Charles thanks Jamie Oliver for rekindling children’s interest…in food. Says Oliver’s spokesman:
“He is as much a fan of his Royal Highness as HRH is of him.”
Rex Newmark has his work cut out…
Posted: 9th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Royal Family, TV & Radio | Comment
Princess Diana’s Old Banger
PRINCESS Diana is looking better than ever, and is duly restored to her throne on the Express’s cover.
Radiant after the summer break (“Thanks, Maddie, for the time off” -Di), Diana is dressed in blue off-the-shoulder dress and pearl-drop earrings.
Diana’s car of death is for sale, or it could be, or not. The Express senses “fury”.
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Posted: 8th, September 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Princess Diana: Death Car For Sale
PRINCESS Diana is back. Not that she ever went away.
Today Sunday Telegraph readers can play a free DVD called: “The Queen – A Life in Film: The Diana Years.”
Scene 1: Look on as Her Majesty sits in her Fiat Uno and revs her engine in a rare show of guts and drive as Diana crosses the Palace courtyard with supreme elegance, refined poise and a cheeky smile.
And that is not all. The Mail has more sensation: “French owner of the Diana death crash car wants it back… to sell to Fayed.”
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Posted: 7th, September 2008 | In: Photojournalism, Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (12)
Barbie’s Doll: Helen Mirren Is The Cocaine Queen
HOW does HRH Helen Mirren keep her figure?
Says Helen Mirren in GQ:
“I loved coke. I never did a lot, just a bit at parties.”
Of course, cocaine does not always get you the part, nor does it always make your breasts grow, your hips stay slim-yet-shapely and your hair turn blonde.
But might it help?
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Posted: 1st, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Royal Family | Comments (13)
Heir Apparent: Sun Stops Publication Of Intimate Prince William And Middleton Shots
TOP news for all you royal enthusiasts that Prince William has NOT tried on all uniforms the country has to offer.
In “SEXY KATE AND WILLS SNAPS STOLEN”, the Sun reports on “intimate” photographs of Prince Wills and his fragrant lover Kate Middleton.
The Sun says the pictures show the couple relaxing on a yacht in the Caribbean (surely hard at work as ambassadors for the country? – Ed), and more.
Rumours abound that in one shot Wills is dressed as a circus ringmaster and Kate as a lion into whose gaping maw the heir will lower himself.
But now “thanks to The Sun”, which refused to pay £50,000 for the snaps, we will not see the images.
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Posted: 1st, September 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (4)
Open Debate: Is Princess Eugenie The Most Cleverest Royal Ever?
THE Daily Mail wonders on its front page:
“Is Eugenie the Brightest Royal ever”
Your thoughts please…
Posted: 15th, August 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (5)
The Royal Tattoo: Prince William Gets Ink
PRINCE William wants a tattoo.
A sailor aboard the Iron Duke, on which Wills is appearing momentarily in his guise as a sailor, says so:
“He said the only thing stopping him was his girlfriend. He was worried she would think it was a bit too chavy.”
Better if Wills goes for biro and keep Kate Middle-Class onside, and adapt the tat to fit in with his next jobs of:
Premier League footballer (tattoo of wad of cash), astronaut (mooning backside), security guard (feet on desk), postman (opened envelope), traffic warden (666), King (“NAN”) and many, many more
Posted: 11th, August 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (3)
The Queen Has Her Face In A Cow’s Arse
HER MAJESTY:
“As a great admirer of the Royal Family, I was disgusted to see ,that two of the animals in the special Post Office issue of stamps showing rare breeds of cattle had their hindquarters to the Queen’s face. Surely face to face would have been more dignified“. (Letter in Daily Express)
Here are what I believe are the offending cows, from June ’84:
The other one is here…
Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (4)
Jill Dando, Madeleine McCann, Barry George, Princess Diana And Tabloid Bingo
BARRY George, the oddball, has been cleared of murdering BBC presenter Jill Dando. The papers react:
DAILY EXPRESS: “£1M PAYOUT FOR MAN CLEARED OF KILLING JILL DANDO”
The 48-year-old convicted sex offender spent eight years behind bars and is likely to receive at least £500,000 compensation, plus a similar amount from a media bidding war for his story.
BBC: It’s £250,000.
DAILY MIRROR: Barry George in bid for £1million compensation after being cleared of Jill Dando’s murder
The money’s better in the Mirror:
George, 48, a loner with mental problems whose conviction for shooting dead Crimewatch presenter Jill was based on unreliable forensic evidence, was yesterday found not guilty after an Old Bailey retrial.
GLASGOW DAILY RECORD: “So Who Did Kill Jill?”
This from the Mirror in Scotland:
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Posted: 2nd, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (51)
Prince Charles Drinks To Global Warming
PRINCE Charles and his fragrant wife Camilla are on a tour of Suffolk:
The Prince of Wales marked his first official visit to Suffolk in three years by highlighting the work of local shops, producers and environmentally-friendly projects as he and the Duchess – who wore a cream long-sleeved paisley print dress with matching cream shoes and handbag – were shown around Southwold – Lowestoft Journal
Dress them all in green-o:
The Prince of Wales has sampled Adnams’ new environmentally-friendly beer – after travelling to its brewery by helicopter. Charles and Camilla flew from Norfolk to Suffolk, a journey of around 65 miles as the crow flies, instead of making the 85-mile road trip – The Publican
One for all and…:
Prince Charles has praised the Daily Mirror’s Pride of Britain Awards for celebrating the “selfless” – Daily Mirror
Long live the planet…
Posted: 1st, August 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comment
Lady Rose Windsor Marries Kate Middleton
IT’S been a while since we last saw Lady Rose Windsor, and those of you who enjoyed her in episodes 2 and 5 of Upstairs Broadstairs, the aristo soap set in a 1950s resort, will be concerned for her wellbeing.
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Posted: 29th, July 2008 | In: Hello!, Royal Family | Comments (4)
Ethnic Cleansing: The Sun Photoshops Prince William
CAN you believe what you see in the newspapers?
Prince William’s campaign to try on every uniform Britain has to offer is a wow – next week it’s baker, then butcher, then cub scout, before a week as a traffic warden in Slough, then a few days as a Beefeater before ending the summer as a lap dancer.
The Sun and Metro, one of London’s top half dozen free newspapers, follows the action as Wills tries his hand, legs and arms in a Navy get up.
He calls it: “A charming piece of ethnic cleansing by The Sun.”
But surely it is the Metro that has seen fit to include in the picture Wills’ valet wearing in the uniform of Brent Council’s Youth Liason Officer Corps.…
Posted: 23rd, July 2008 | In: Photojournalism, Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (5)
Prince Charles Follows In Mandela’s Footsteps
NO sooner as Nelson Mandela shuffled off the Robben Island stage at Hyde Park then we get another celebrity birthday do.
The Express lets us know that a “host of showbiz names” are lining up to appear at Prince Charles’s 60th birthday bash.
What starzzzz is unsaid but don’t rule out a Spice Girl representing the world’s statesmen, the left overs of Queen and Sir Trevor McDonald. With a little foresight, Charles could have had a joint party with Nelson.
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Posted: 17th, July 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (5)
Earl Spencer And Other Pretty Blondes
HEADLINE of the day:
“Earl Spencer spotted with ANOTHER pretty blonde”
– Daily Mail discounts rumours that Princess Diana’s brother is a ginger
Posted: 12th, July 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (2)
New Zealand Hail The Great Queen Sheep
IN NEW Zealand:
New Zealand shopkeepers are being fleeced by fake 100 dollar notes featuring a sheep wearing a tiara in the place where Queen Elizabeth’s portrait should be.
Police said the notes, which all bear the same serial number, were crude forgeries but some merchants in Rodney, near Auckland, where they were circulating, were taken in, the Herald on Sunday reported.
Forgeries? Who’s to say how Her Majesty the Queen appears to Kiwi eyes? Anorak has hypnotised the barstaff at the Fox But No Hounds Lap Dance Grille and notes that the former colonials see Her Majesty thus:
Australians – A small bearded German man who looks best in ornamental gardens
South Africans – A figure of all the pastels, like an Opal fruit with a dash of sour lemon
Americans – Huge black ears atop a round face with a button nose and squeaky voice
Zimbabweans – Edible
More as and when we can get the staff
Posted: 7th, July 2008 | In: Royal Family, Strange But True | Comment
Prince Charles Corks His Aston Martin
PRINCe Charles is green – he’s Brtish racing green.
His car – a humble Aston Marton – runs on biofuel:
“The bioethanol from our supplier happens to be made from wine. I think our wine is surplus English wine. It is wonderful. It is not corked” – Sir Michael Peat, the Prince’s private secretary
Any more down to earth and the prince would be buried alive…
Posted: 2nd, July 2008 | In: Royal Family | Comments (16)
Queen Gets Into Bed With Ronald McDonald
NEWS in the Sun that Her Majesty the Queen has been mingling with a clown-like ginger-haired person in Slough.
No, not Sarah Ferguson, who’s in Hull.
In “BURGER QUEEN – She owns McDonald’s”, Sun readers are invited to get over the paper calling the head of state “She” and focus on the fact that the Queen has her own drive-through eatery.
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Posted: 28th, June 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comment
OK Ya! Kate Middleton And Wills Engage The Organs
KATE Middleclass and Prince Wills are to marry… each other. Hurrah!
“Double blow for middle class families,” says the Telegraph on its front page. But this is not time for petty jealousies and laments for David Cameron’s new centre parting, this is a time of joy.
The Express says there to be a Christmas engagement for William and Kate.
With any luck the paper’s sister organ OK! Ya will feature the event over a 78-page photospread, it being what his mother wold have wanted…
Posted: 23rd, June 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comment (1)
On Honeymoon With Peter Philips And Autumn
AFTER selling the rights to their wedding photos to Hello, What Do You Do? magazine for £500,000 Peter and Autumn Phillips are “risking a fresh row” by issuing pictures from their honeymoon promoting the South African resort where they stayed.
The Mail is disgusted and exposes the “five-star Tuningi Lodge”, venue of “candlelit dinners under the stars” and “privately guided safari tours around the 165,000-acre reserve” – “Madikwe is South Africa’s newest game reserve and is situated on the border with Botswana, on the edge of the Kalahari desert.”
Mr Phillips, who is 11th in line to the Throne, is said to have given Indigo PRCo, the publicity company that represents Tuningi Lodge, permission to release the images of he and his bride on honeymoon.
The company issued a Press release to accompany them, titled: ‘Newsflash: Royal newlyweds return from their first African adventure.’
It stated: ‘They enjoyed sensational sightings of elephants, lions, leopards and wild dogs on daily game drives mixed with total relaxation, pampering and delicious cuisine at the supremely comfortable Tuningi Safari Lodge.”
The five-star lodge ensured their first African safari together was filled with romantic touches, organising dinner a deux under the stars, breakfast out in the bush and a private safari guide to maximise enjoyment and guarantee unique memories.’
Of course, had granny managed to hang on to South Africa, the trip would not only have been free but necessitated Peter Philherup accepting a lion’s head and seventeen tribal virgins.
If anyone is to blame for this awfulness it is her…
Posted: 22nd, June 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Dancing Queen: Elizabeth’s Waterloo
TABLOID story of the day: ” The Queen dances to Abba’s Dancing Queen, says Chris Evans”.
The Mirror reports that The BBC radio DJ hears the Queen opine:
“I always try to dance when this song comes on because I am the Queen and I like to dance.”
God save our thoroughly modern Lizzy…
Posted: 19th, June 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Paul Burrell: I Didn’t Shag Diana
FOLLOWING the book Paul Burrell: I Shagged Diana comes Paul Burrell: I Didn’t Shag Diana.
Says Burrell in the Star:
“Anyone who knows me, who knew the princess and understands the boundaries and decencies of royal service, as well as the integrity and trust which exist within our working relationship at Kensington Palace, will know just how fanciful, distasteful and malicious these claims truly are.”
Read Paul Burrell: My Integrity, Trust & Decency in paper back, hardback and bareback.
As Burrell brother-in-law Ron Cosgrove puts it:
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Posted: 16th, June 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (14)
