Princess Diana’s Century

Princess Diana’s 100 Years

SHE’S been quiet. Too quiet. But now Princess Diana is back to the fore.

“DIANA DEATH: DRIVER RIDDLE SOLVED,” says the Express’s front page.

Alongside a picture of a smiling Diana (blonde hair, pearl earrings, white teeth, blue jacket), the Express brings news from the investigation into the apparent death of the Princess of Hearts.

The paper hears “scientists” conclude that “numerous serious errors” occurred as they examined driver Henri Paul’s blood.

The Express says this is because pathologist Dominique Lecomte and blood tester Dr Gilbert Pepin “misled” examining magistrates.

And the key finding is that it was that Paul’s blood was mixed up with that of another man, known only as a suicide victim.

The Express says that someone who had imbibed a large amount of whisky and then stuck a hosepipe to their car exhaust and gassed themselves would have given the same readings as those attributed to Paul’s sample.

How the Express knows this is unsaid. And why whisky? And did anyone see a hose at the crash site? And if not, was one removed?

While that is looked into, the Express says French legal authorities are becoming “increasingly critical” at the way Paul’s blood was stored.

As ever, there are more questions to ponder on the death of Diana.

And, encouragingly for the Express, we will not know the answer to some of thee questions any time soon. As the Express says, French privacy laws mean the name of the suicide victim will not be released to the public for 100 years.

By this time, most of us will be dead – although not Diana, obviously…

Posted: 27th, November 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Your Chance To Look Like Michael Jackson

Mikey Dalton’s tennis; Michael Jackson’s waxworks; Gary Sobers’ ball

Dalton’s Weekly

Ever wondered what happened to Mikey Dalton, the tall Scouser who appeared on the last Big Brother series?

Well, his stock has risen to such an extent that the tennis trophy he won on the BB show is for sale on eBay. It has attracted a top bid of…£6.50.

Mikey says he will sign the trophy, in which case it could be worth as much as £5.50.

Hit For Six

The cricket ball West Indian all-rounder Sir Garfield Sobers hit for six sixes in six balks has sold at auction for £26,400.

Waxy Looks

Want to meet the likes of Brad Pitt, Kylie Minogue, Nelson Mandela and many more?

Anyone with £150,000 to spend can be turned into a waxwork at Madam Tussaud’s. Buyers will spend hours being measured – 500 body measurements are taken by 20 sculptors.

Yes, you too can look like Michael Jackson.

Posted: 23rd, November 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Doherty’s In For Some Pennies

In For Some Pennies

Pete Doherty has been fined £750 for kicking out a woman reporter attending one of his many court appearances. The singer was found guilty of assaulting Trudi Barber of Radio 1 Newsbeat as he left Thames Magistrates Court, East London in March 23. Doherty was also told to pay Mrs Barber £250 compensation and £200 court costs.

Asked is he had money on him or a credit card, Doherty said he had just 27p to his name. He was given a week to pay.

A Ferret’s Love

Kevin Federline, aka K-Ferret, is in line for a £2million payoff from his estranged wife, Britney Spears. But the rapping ferret wants more. So he’s preparing to fight for custody of the couple’s two children and for £16million to keep him in white vests. It’s a lot of money.

And as long as K-Ferret agrees to stop singing, we urge Britney to hand over the cash without delay.

Love Drugs

Courtney Love, wife of the late Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain, says she turned to drugs when she lost £11million. Love claims the money was stolen by aides. “Drugs are relatively cheap when you talk about millions of dollars,” says Love.

That’s Rich

The most expensive private home in the country has gone on the market in Surrey. For £74million ono, buyers can take ownership of five swimming pools, 24-carat gold mosaics, 13 bedrooms, a cinema, a 2-lane bowling alley and a squash court.

One bathroom alone cost £20,000 to fit. The gas bill is £10,000 per quarter. For more information go to www.updowncourt.com.

Posted: 19th, November 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Footing The Bill

Footing The Bill

Imelda Marcos, the wife of Ferdinand Marcos, the former President of the Philippines who embezzled an estimated £5billion, is to sell off her infamous collection of shoes.

How many shoes? “It was not 3,000 pairs,” says Imelda “it was only 1,600.”

One for every day of the week.

In The Dog House

Wayne Rooney’s pet dog Daisy is an expensive luxury.

The Bichon Frise hairball has gnawed the footballer’s £10,000 leather sofa. And it gets worse for Rooney. His former manager at Everton, David Moyes, has issued a libel writ against the player.

Moyes is claiming an estimated £200,000 damages over remarks the player made in his book My Story So Far.

The case should make vital reading in La Roon’s next literary masterpiece.

Posted: 17th, November 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Sienna Miller Time

Golden Balls

A ball signed by the World Cup winning Italy team was bought at a charity auction in Qatar for £1.26million. The winning bid was made by Qatar royal Sheikh Mohammed Bin Hamed Al-Thani, 19. Ashley Cole did not bid.

A Two Grand Affair

A date with professional girlfriend Sienna Miller cost a 16-year-old £2,000.

The blonde auctioned herself off at the Kiss Kiss Bang Bang do at Chelsea’s swish Collection Club. Proceeds go to Unicef. For the cash, the teen gets a date with Sienna at Paper, an eatery on London’s Regent Street.

At the same auction, a day’s tennis coaching with Boris Becker went for £19,000, dinner not included. Broom cupboard optional.

Posted: 14th, November 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

All A Lohan

All A Lohan

Hollywood starlet Lindsay Lohan has, reportedly, been barred from performing at a charity fundraising event because her image is not in keeping with the tone of the thing. Organisers of Operation Holiday Spirit 2006, a campaign to bring seasonal cheer and gifts to US soldiers, are said to have been concerned that Lohan would deter other celebs from taking part.

Fish Face

According to the National Enquirer magazine, The Rolling Stones’ lead OAP Mick Jagger is a fan of caviar facials. The treatment cost around $250 a time. You too can look as good as him.

Posted: 10th, November 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

The Footballers’ Agent

Loadsa Pollock

Is it art? Yes, it’s a Pollock. A Jackson Pollock. The American artist, famous for his splashy lines, is more popular than ever.

David Martinez, a Mexican financier, has bought the one of the great man’s paintings from movie magnate David Geffen for £75million.

Described as a densely tangled composition in browns and yellows, the work is painted on an 8ft by 4ft sheet if fibreboard.

The painting beats the record £72.9million Ronald Lauder, of the cosmetics family, paid for Gustav Klimt’s portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer.

The Footballers’ Agent

Former Arsenal and England footballer Lee Dixon (the defender celebrated in the popular ditty ‘If Dixon plays for England so do I”) is making more than £2million a year charging 2% commission for finding homes for footballers.

Says Dixon: “The most important thing is to guarantee anonymity. If word gets out that a top flight footballer is moving into the area, estate agents will capitalise on it.”

Then in true estate agent style, says Dixon: “A settled player will perform better on the pitch.” Indeed.

Buy a home from Lee Dixon and become a better player.

Posted: 8th, November 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Boning Up On Diana

ACCORDING to the Arthritis Research Campaign, about 5 people in 100 over the age of 50 have Paget’s disease.

Why Paget should have become the name of the Operation to investigate the death of Princess Diana is a matter of interest.

It is our belief that there should be a public investigation into how the name was chosen and why it was not termed something a little less unpleasant like Operation Glass Slipper.

And the Operation part is not all that nice, infected with the whiff of the hospital. Better Project Diana or what about Diana Was Murdered?

It’s another day in the Diana Was Murdered (DWM) investigation and the Express has been taking notes.

Readers learn that the DWM case is being hampered by uncooperative French “spy chiefs” who have gone and blocked British detectives’ attempts to see “agent handling” files relating to Henri Paul, the driver on that fateful night.

DWM has “ground to a halt because of the reluctance of the French services to surrender all their documents on their contact, Paul.”

And this “blocking” is causing “well-placed sources” to think the secret service has something to hide. Hey, it may be involved in a murder plot.

This could be true. Or the French could be hiding much else besides. Was Diana abducted by aliens? She never died at all but is eking our an existence in the Alma tunnel’s warren of caves? Or is she living on the fabled Sixth Floor of Harvey Nichols.

And such is the slow progress that there are “concerns” that the full inquest will not be heard until 2008. And even then there are more “concerns” that Dame Elizabeth Butler-Sloss, the former High Court judge now heading the DWM inquiry, will hold the show without a jury.

And that the verdict will be a cover up. The skeletons of a case growing brittle until the cracks appear and it all powders to so much dust.

Operation Paget. Over to you…

Posted: 7th, November 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

OJ Simpson Confesses

Big Money

Is it the beginning of the end for Big Brother? The show’s producers Endemol are reportedly increasing the asking price for the ninth series of Big Brother by £30 million. According to reports, ITV want to broadcast the show after Channel 4’s current deal ends next summer. And they will have to pay £70 million for the privilege.

Dead Good Earners

The King is dead. Kurt Cobain has beaten Elvis Presley to be the highest earning dead celebrity. According to Forbes, Cobain, the former Nirvana frontman, earned $50 million between October 2005 and October 2006, while Presley earned just $42 million in the same time period. Others notable dead earners are Charles Schulz, creator of the Peanuts comic strip ($35m), the Beatles’ John Lennon ($24m) and Albert Einstein ($20m).

Jolie Bad

Angelina Jolie’s estranged father Jon Voight has spent about $1,800 on gifts for his daughter’s brood. But Maddox, Zahara and Shiloh will never see the toys – reports are that gifts from grandpa are handed straight on to charity shops.

If OJ Did It

According to the National Enquirer magazine, OJ Simpson is being paid $3.5million to write “blow-by-blow” details of the death of his murdered wife Nicole Brown Simpson. According to a source in the magazine, in his book If I Did It OJ “confesses to the Murders of the Century”. Nicole and her lover Ron Goldman were found murdered in 1994.

Posted: 3rd, November 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Chantelle’s New Houses

Celebrity Big Brother winner Chantelle Houghton wants to become a property tycoon. Chantelle is not as blonde as she looks and intends to spend some of her money on buying flats near the 2012 Olympic village.

“Obviously I’ve made a lot of money so I’m planning on being a property tycoon,” says Chantelle. “I’ll be buying flats around the Olympic Stadium and selling them on for a lot of money. That’s my next little adventure. I wouldn’t mind being on the BBC show Dragon’s Den as well.”

It’s a terrific plan, although Chantelle may like to realise that investments can go up as well as down. And whisper these words carefully: property market crash.

Posted: 31st, October 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Bra Wars

It was the battle of the bras.

The Brighton Ball would pit the 36B bra of Lorraine Kelly against the 34FF cantilevered system of hydraulics and weights worn by Jordan. Jordan’s bra – washed by her mum – fetched £2,000.

Lorraine – who recently took third place in a vote for best real celebrity breasts – saw her bra go for £3, 100.

Jordan responded by offering to sell her knickers.

Posted: 24th, October 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Jordan’s Price

Name Her Price

Glamour mo-del Jordan, aka Katie Andre, nee Katie Price, has declared that she is approaching billionaire status. “Oh, I’m not far off now,” said the walking inflatable. “Believe me, I know where every penny is, and I’m not far off.” With a chest like hers, is Katie ever far from anyting?

Sol, Sea & Surf

Former England Footballer Sol Campbell – who once walked out of a match he was playing in at half-time – is looking to make a splash and buy a boat. Sol, who now plays entire matches Portsmouth, has been looking over a £1.6million 64ft Sunseaker predator.

Posted: 18th, October 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Pushy Parent

“WHO IS THE BRAINIEST OF THE ROYALS?”

It’s the big question on the cover of the Express. But don’t bother phoning in because the paper’s Polly Dunbar has the answer.

Polly tells us that since 1967, when Prince Charles went to Cambridge – Charles was the first Royal to negotiate public exams – the “Royal Family has been seen as somewhat lacking in academic aptitude”.

This is of course wrong. Royals have been thought a bit thick for a lot longer than Charles has been talking to plants and having someone help him pee straight.

We remember King Alfred, who managed to burn cakes, King Canute, who thought he could turn the tied back by waving his hands (“Is that why they’re called waves?”) and Princess Diana.

Dear Diana is used to illustrate the Express’s investigation into the Royal brain. The paper notes that Di managed one CSE in Domestic Science.

What Di’s successor Camilla managed at school is not revealed. The Express does not see her brain as being worthy of consideration. So we looked Camilla up and found that she attended school in Kensington and was “finished off” in Switzerland. Possibly by Charles.

In any case, we know who the brightest Royals are. Princess Michael, the charmless Teutonic, says her children, the simpering Lord Frederick and Lady Gabriella are the best educated. As the Princess says: “No children in the family have got as good degrees.”

Indeed, we learn that Lady Gabriella has 13 GCSEs, four A-levels and a degree from Brown University, Rhode Island. Brother Freddy has 13 GCSEs, four A-levels and a degree from Oxford University.

Bravo for them. They really are the brainy bunch. They might even be able to work out what they can do with their lives to be as successful as Diana…

Posted: 17th, October 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Kidd & Play

Women On Top

Madonna is now the highest paid female performer on the planet. According to the Guinness Book of Records 2007, Madonna earned £26.6million in 2004. J K Rowling is the best-paid author earning £34.2million.

No More Kidd Gloves

Jack Kidd, goofy brother to model Jodie Kidd, has been grassed up by his estranged wife. Mrs Kid, one Be Kemedy, a multi-millionairess worth at least 30million, has reportedly told friends that the “marriage is over”. And that Jack has owned up to numerous affairs. In the past, Be, ten years older than 33-year-old Jack, bought him a £35,000 jeep and a £2million polo farm. Jack says the break is “painful”.

Posted: 11th, October 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Whipping Up Interest

Goodbye (Yellow) Bricks & Mortar

The cottage in Ealby, near Market Rasen, Lincolnshire, where Elton John and Bernie Taupin wrote some of their biggest hits, is on the market for £250,000. Taupin bought the home in 1971 for £3,200 and sold in 1974 for £11,500.

Whipping Up Interest

Lindi St Clair, aka Miss Whiplash, is selling the last remaining letters of infamous murderer Dr Cripen. The founder of the Corrective Party used to have the letters pinned up in her dungeon. Lindi, who now farms pigs in Hertfordshire, says she wants to get rid of the “clutter”.

Posted: 10th, October 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

The Director’s Cut

Iran The Space Race

Anousheh Ansari, 40, took off for a 10-day trip to the International Space Station from a site in Kazakhstan. Iranian born Anousheh, who now lives in Texas, paid £11milion to become the first female space tourist.

Tip The Barman

Coronation Street actor Antony Cotton wants a £15,000 pay rise – or he’ll quit the hit show. The actor who palsy barman Sean Tully wants his pay increased from £65,000 a year to £80,000. Not bad for three-nights-a-week work.

The Director’s Cut

It turns out that Kevin Spacey has been waiving his director’s salary of “about £100,000” a year while working as artistic director at the Old Vic theatre, London. “People are beginning to see I’m serious about this,” says Spacey. “We’re not in a rush. I’m here for a long time.” He has just signed up for another nine years.

Posted: 6th, October 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Endorse This

Endorse This

Hope exists for mum and dad. Pester power need not be all about the nippers demanding the expensive goods. US basketball star Stephen Marbury has lent his name to the Starbury One trainer. Price: £8. Says Marbury: “Kids and parents shouldn’t have the pressure to spend so much to feel good about the way they look.” And these shoes are flying off the shelves. Look out for them coming here. And don’t look out for the C-Ashley Cole equivalent.

Hoteliers Behaving Badly

Not everything a celebrity touches turns to gold. And so it is that actor Neil Morrissey has lost £1.3million in a year on his hotel in Wales. “Neil is not worried in the slightest,” says his spokesman.

Touch Of Class

Lord Snowdon is flogging prints of his famous ex-wife Princess Margaret. For 2,000 nicker, you can get your hands on one of 5 prints of Maggie in the bath with a crown on her royal bonce. Such pictures are described by the good Lord as his “pension”. Very tasteful. And cheap at twice the price.

Who Wants To Be A Multi-Millionaire?

Wronged wife Ingrid Tarrant is due to collect a large cheque from her estranged husband Chris, host of TV quiz show Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?. Reports estimate her divorce settlement to be worth anything from £10millin to £17m. Forget phoning a friend – she should call a lawyer.

Posted: 2nd, October 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Paxo Diana

“THE Delights of Wisdom Concerning Conjugial Love – After Which Follows the Pleasures of Insanity Concerning Scortatory Love” (1768). Have you read it?

You may know it by its original title: Deliciae sapientiae de amore conjugiali; post quas sequuntur voluptates insaniae de amore scortatorio?

The title alone is a cracking read. And within the book, you can learn about “how the understanding and will of man and wife may be conjoined by marriage into one – a conjunction resulting in eternal states of innocence, peace and happiness”.

You can buy a copy of it from the bookshop of The [Emanuel] Swedenborg Society. “Come in and have a cup of coffee while you browse our friendly bookstore in Bloomsbury,” says the society website. “Here, at the Bookshop you’ll find the only full collection of the works of Emanuel Swedenborg, one of the greatest minds of the 18th Century.”

Or if coffee is not your thing, you can snap up the copy of the book once owned by the late Princess Margaret. It’s being sold at auction. The work deals with courtship, betrothal, jealousy, temptation, disaffection, sensuality, prudence, and courtesy. And, as the Times reports, “defloration,” and “fornication”.

It’s high-mined yet accessible read. And had Princess Margaret thrown open her library to her family, it might have been read by Princes Diana.

But, as Jeremy Paxman is happy to tell us, and Mail readers, after an extensive private education, just about the only qualification Diana possessed was a “certificate for the best-kept-something-or-other”.

We would suggest the prize was for best–kept secret. But secrets are not Diana’s thing. It seems that anyone who ever met Diana is keen to shout about it in a book. So here’s Jeremy Paxman, the thinking man’s Chris Tarrant (Paxman ask the Questions on TV’s University Challenge and pulls faces as if he knows all the answers).

Paxo, as he is known, has written a book called On Royalty – or to give its longer Swedenborgian title, On The Regalia, Or The First Principles Of Royal Things, Being New Attempts Toward A Philosophical Explanation Of The Elementary.

In it, Paxman writes of his meeting with Diana. And, as is the way of such things, Paxman details the outfit Diana wore at their luncheon – “a pale-blue two-piece suit and was much taller than I had expected”.

They then talked:
Diana: Jeremy, so nice of you to come.
Jeremy observes that her voice is “as smooth as cream”.
Diana: Just the two of us. Can you cope?
“A thousand male fantasies flashed through my mind”
Paxo: I’ll try.

And so to the conversation. Diana says that an American airliner that had crashed off the cost of Long Island had “definitely been hit by a missile – that’s what my source says.”

Paxo says Kensington Palace, the venue for the chat, is like a prison.
Diana: No, more like an upmarket Coronation Street. As we go out, you’ll see all the curtains twitching.

But sometimes Diana nips out in disguise (“jeans and baseball cap”). The newspaper vendor will say: “What you been up to now, Di?”

Diana: “But they’re terrifically friendly, and if someone starts bothering me I just go into W.H, Smith’s, and the staff there are very nice, and they hide me.”

Paxman observes: “It didn’t sound much of a life, but she seemed reconciled to it. A year later she was dead.”

Or hiding among the Swedenborg section at Smiths, dreaming of conjugial love…

Posted: 26th, September 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Sags & Riches

Sags (Sisters & Girlfriends) & Riches

Michael Owen’s sister, Karen, had her luxury £27,000 BMW jeep stolen by a boyfriend who then sold it and replaced it with a stolen jeep. Matthew Jones, 26, was jailed for six months. Karen, also 26, and Matthew have two children together but separated in 2004.

An Insured Thing

Tiny TV tots Ant ‘n’ Dec have insured each other in case one of them dies. The duo, both aged 30, will collect at least £2million if one perishes. “If he kicks the bucket I get a massive payout,” says Dec. “I don’t think we’re insured if we fall out,” says Ant. Good luck in the Outback, say we…

Posted: 26th, September 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Princess Diana’s Mills & Boon Special

“LADY Diana Spencer, tall and blonde, curvy (as she then was) with clear, English-rose complexion, very young, impeccably born and with no scandal attached to her name, perfectly fitted all the criteria for a royal bride.”

And so begins the Mail’s review of Diana by Sarah Bradford. It’s not often reviews are written in so strict a style. It’s ingenious indeed of the writer, one Virginia Blackburn, to write her review in the style of a Mills & Boon staple.

How jealous Paul Burrell must be. While Bradford’s Diana book earns praise and a didactic romantic style, Burrell’s The Way We Were gets the headline: “Traitor Burrell in despair after Diana book flop.”

The Express, which produces that headline, says just 6,000 copies of the butler’s latest Diana book have been sold.

This is not very many, especially when compared to the 274,000 copies of Burrell’s previous Diana tome, A Royal Duty.

Burrell needs some luck if he’s going to shift more copies. And he’s not being helped by one Simone Simmons, Diana’s former “friend and therapist”.

This is the Simmons of whom Burrell wrote in the Mirror in June 2005: “There was a time when people like Simone Simmons were hurled into the water, trussed up and weighed down with stone.

“Witches would bob back to the surface and the innocent would drown. I suspect that Simone would, like the curdled bits in off-milk, float to the top. A witch and soured with time in equal measure.”

The Simmons who wrote the impossible, and some would say hopefully, entitled: Diana: The Last Word.

Well, she says that Paul’s book is not a document of historical fact. “I can remember Paul telling me that he applied for a job working for Mel Gibson because he was fed up to the back teeth with Diana. He said he hated her guts,” says Simmons.

If true, we wonder how things would have developed had Burrell been Mel’s rock. (What would have happened to Mel as he drove over the limit along a Malibu highway?)

And we also wonder what we should do with Burrell’s book? Perhaps it needs a new review. Something scatological. In toad skin…

Posted: 24th, September 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Nicole Kidman Barred

Not OK For OJ

Having been found liable for the wrongful death of Ronald Goldman by a civil court, OJ Simpson was supposed to pay £18 million damages. He hasn’t. So Goldman’s father, Fred, has petitioned a court in LA to grant him the publicity rights to the Simpson name.

Nobody Shoot

Nicole Kidman was there. The cameras were there. The directors, make up artistes and runners were there. But the Italian residents of a street in the Testaccio district of central Rome were not having it. No one had told them their road was to be closed to shoot an advert for Sky. So they blocked the street, only moving when Sky agreed to pay £17,000.

Kate Cuts Cloth

Kate Moss is all set to sign a £1 million contract to design a range of clothes for Topshop.
"Getting Kate is a real coup," says a Topshop insider. "When she is pictured with a new bag or sunglasses, the world follows." And the police take notes…

Posted: 21st, September 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Michael Jackson’s Legal Fight

Dear Cherie

Because of her work as a human rights layer, Mrs Cherie Blair has been paid £3,000 to front three half-hour films on people’s rights. The shows will feature on the Government-funded Teachers TV channel. “It is not everyday teachers get an insight from one of the country’s leading human rights specialists,” says chief executive Andrew Botherll. Indeed. And for taxpayers paying £3,000 it is both an honour and a privilege.

Jacko’s History

Michael ‘Wacko Jacko’ Jackson has been ordered to pay his ex-wife Debbie Rowe $60,000 in legal fees to fight a custody battle against him. Debbie received more than £4.25million in her divorce settlement. But needs more.

Posted: 20th, September 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

We Was Robbed

We Was Robbed

Footballer Steven Gerard, who earns £60,000 a week, says he was once caught shoplifting. “I grabbed a few pens and paper from Woolworths and made a dash for the door but the security guard grabbed me.” Go on. “I thought it was all over. I thought the club would drop me. And I was convinced the school would expel me.” And where would Steven be today without GCSEs?

Boycott Jersey

God bless the Republic of Yorkshire. And goodbye to it. the patron saint of God’s own county is leaving. Geoffrey Boycott has sold his home in Woolley, near Wakefield, for £1.2million. He and his wife Rachel are moving to Jersey – the Bradford of the south.

Straight Outta Dorset

Missy Eliott, the American hip-hopper, requested $133,000 worth of perks for her gig in Bournemouth, Dorset – “The Las Vegas of the South Coast”. She wanted 35 first-class airline tickets, five-star hotel rooms for she and her entourage, $5,500 for dinners and loadsa Cristal champagne.

Posted: 19th, September 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Marry Like Madonna

Castle Rackrent

Not just anyone will be able to marry at Skibo Castle where Madonna married Guy Ritchie is 2000. From now on only members of the Carnegie Club will be able to hire the place for functions. It costs £20,000 to join the club. Places are being snapped up. Hurry while stocks last!

Later Ronnie

Ronnie Barker has bequeathed £91,000 to his son Adam. And just as soon as Adam comes out of hiding – he is a child pornography suspects – he can claim his inheritance. In total, the comedian left £300,337 in his will.

Fast Love

Bianca Gascoigne told a court that she received £5,700 fee and no prize money for winning TV’s Love island reality show. Bianca was up before the Beak on a charge of speeding at 96mph in her Mini Copper on the M6. She was fined £200. And pictured in a bikini in the press.

Posted: 15th, September 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Hilter’s Write On

A 1,000 Year Writing Desk

A chair and a desk that once belonged to German leader Adolph Hitler are on sale. Anyone who wants the oak pieces should expect to pay around £525,000. Anyone who doesn’t will be taken away and shot.

Jordan Airs Grievances

Jordan Chandler – the boy who won £13million in a sex abuse settlement from Michael Jackson – is accusing his father of attacking him. Jordy, 26, says his father hit him in the head with 12.5lb dumbbell weight last year.

Evicting Pete

Pete Doherty has been evicted from his £350,000 London flat. The pop f***wit owes more than £10,000 in unpaid rent. Flat owner Andres Panayiotou says: “As well as not paying the rent, there’s graffiti on the wall, and goodness knows what else. We have never known anyone like him.” High praise indeed.

Posted: 14th, September 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment