Manchester United Balls: Rio Ferdinand Says Moyes Banned Them From Eating Low-Fat Chips

AS former Manchester Untied defedner Rio Ferdinand returned to Old Trafford with new club QPR – and looked on as the visitors shipped four goals – the Sun picked up the scent of chips.  The headline informs readers:

Moyes slowly lost us… and it began when he banned our chips the night before a game – Rio on the manager that didn’t fit in at Man Utd

Anorak

Posted: 15th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment

Angel Delight Watch: Manchester United’s Di Maria Is The Taste Of 1970s Puns

MANCHESTER United’s record signing Angel Di Maria scored against QPR, so proving that £200m can buy a club out of a trouble.

As the ball hit the net. Sky Sport’s Martin Tyler oozed:

“We’ve seen some Angel delight here today.”

Angel delight. We’ll try to keep track of the number of times that pun is used.  The question “how do you solve a problem like Di Maria?” will also be looked out for.

Coral, the bookmakers on the Manchester United sweetie:

Anorak

Posted: 14th, September 2014 | In: Key Posts, manchester united, Sports | Comment

Transfer Balls: Ronaldo Makes ‘SHOCK’ Move To Manchester City, Manchester United, Chelsea And PSG

TRANSFER Balls: The Daily Express has an “EXCLUSIVE” about Cristiano Ronaldo leaving Real Madrid for a “shock” return to Manchester United…or Manchester City.

EXCLUSIVE: Ronaldo ready to make SHOCK move to Man City OR return to Man Utd

How ready? How shocking?

Cristiano Ronaldo could quit Real Madrid

Yes, he could. But is what a footballer could do an exclusive?

The 29-year-old world player of the year, who moved to the Bernabeu in the summer of 2009 from Manchester United for a then world record £80million, would love to return to Old Trafford – but a move to rivals Manchester City could also be an option.

Anorak

Posted: 14th, September 2014 | In: Manchester City, manchester united, Sports | Comment

Transfer Balls: Ronaldo Wants Liverpool, Loves Manchester United, Signs For Chelsea And Stays At Real Madrid

TRANSFER Balls: Is Critsiano Ronaldo leaving Real Madrid for a returm to Manchester Untied?

The Daily Express says he is – maybe:

Jamie Anderson says the deal to bring Ronaldo to United is “possible”. It is not impossible.

Talk of the Portuguese star’s return ramped up in the wake of comments made by former Real Madrid team-mate Angel Di Maria.

Anorak

Posted: 13th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment

Manchester United: Juan Sebastián Verón’s Advice To Marcos Rojo and Ángel di María

IN the summer of 2001, Manchester United signed Juan Sebastián Verón from Lazio. The fomer Argentina captain has been talking to the Times. Manchester United have signed two of his fellow countrymen, Marcos Rojo and Ángel di María. What advice does he have for them?

FOOD: “You eat so early. Sometimes, with the team, we would eat at 6.30pm or 7pm. In Argentina, nobody even thinks about eating until 9pm. At the earliest.”

LIFE: “I was used to life in Italy….I knew it would be different, but the appeal of Manchester United is the same as the appeal of Barcelona and Real Madrid, the attraction that the top three or four clubs in the world have.

Anorak

Posted: 13th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment

Arsenal’s Danny Welbeck Leaves Manchester United With A Falcao-Sized Festering Sore

MATT Barlow asks Daily Mail readers if Manchester United were right to sell Danny Welbeck to Arsenal.

Louis van Gaal and Ed Woodward have allowed him to join a direct top-four rival, without ever knowing how good he was or can be, and without ever giving him an extended run in the central position he prefers.

How are United fans feeling?

[Welbek’s] move to London has left a sore festering in the red half of the same northern city.

Anorak

Posted: 10th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment

Manchester United Balls: Robin Van Persie Cuts Short His Career

THE Sun has the sensational news that Manchester United’s Robin Van Persie wants to play on until he’s 40.

It’ll cost you to read the story because the Sun is behind a paywall.

But it won’t cost you  penny to read the same story in the Manchester Evening News, which in June reported that RVP wanted to play on til he’s 40.

Anorak

Posted: 9th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment

Transfer Balls: Marco Reus Joins Arsenal For £20m, Manchester City For £25m And Manchester United In January

TRANSFER Balls: Is Marco Reus heading to Arsenal, Manchester City, Manchester United or Real Madrid? Is she staying at Borussia Dortmund? Let’s see what the Daily Star is saying:

The Star has an “exclusive”.  It says Manchester City and Arsenal will fight for Reus.

Paul Hethertington says “exclusively” – that Reus is Manchester City’s “top target”.

He’s fit again now though and has a buy-out clause in his contract which can be activated by any offer above £25 million from next summer.

Anorak

Posted: 9th, September 2014 | In: Arsenal, Manchester City, manchester united, Sports | Comment

Transfer Balls: Arsenal Sign Adrien Rabiot Then Sell Him To Roma To Smash Manchester United’s Kevin Strootman Bid

TRANSFER Balls: A look at the utter rot passed off as fact in the mainstream media. Today, the Daily Express has news for Arsenal fans: Paris St-Germain are looking to offload midfielder Adrien Rabiot to Roma. PSG are after Roma’s Kevin Strootman, 24, who is also a target for Manchester United.

Regular readers of Tabloid Balls readers will recall that The Metro said Rabiot was already an Arsenal player.

Anorak

Posted: 8th, September 2014 | In: Arsenal, Chelsea, manchester united, Sports | Comment

Transfer Balls: Manchester United Sign Arsenal Target Juan Cuadrado Who Agreed Barcalona Deal

TRANSFER Balls: A look at talkSport’s reporting on “Manchester United and Arsenal target” Juan Cuadrado.

Today talkSport has a boast:

Manchester United and Arsenal target Juan Cuadrado is on the verge of signing a new contract with Fiorentina… talkSPORT told you last week that Cuadrado had been offered a new deal by the Serie A side and it now appears that those talks have been progressing well.

Anorak

Posted: 8th, September 2014 | In: Arsenal, manchester united, Sports | Comment

Manchester United Balls: Klopp Replaces Van Gaal In May As Cuadrado And Vidal Arrive

MANCHESTER United Balls: a glance at terrible media reporting on United.

The Daily Express’ Jamie Anderson has a triple whammy of news:

 Man Utd News: Klopp to succeed Van Gaal, Arturo Vidal transfer joy, Juan Cuadrado ignored

That headline in full.

We’ll consider each part of the triple scoop in reverse order:

Was Juan Cuadrado “ignored”? Did he tap Louis Van Gaal on the shoulder, shout “Louis, over here, mate” and receive only the cold shoulder? No.

La Viola executive president Mario Cognini said: “The club always had a firm intention of keeping him. Fiorentina never wanted to sell him and, anyway, an official offer for the player was never made to us from any club.”

Anorak

Posted: 7th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment

Manchester United Balls: Louis Van Gaal Knew Arturo Vidal Was About To Be Injured

ARTUO Vidal has a bad knee. The man Manchester United chased all summer has a bad knee. We know this because the Daily Mail says Vidal has a bad knee.

Anorak

Posted: 5th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment

Transfer Balls: Arsenal And Manchester United Make Top Secret Moves For Barcelona’s Marco Reus

TRANSFER Balls: Is Borussia Dortmund’s Marco Reus heading to Arsenal to Manchester United? Or what about Barcelona, Real Madrid or Atletico Madrid?

The IB Times’Eduardo Fernandez-Abascal  reports:

Real Madrid have secured first refusal on Arsenal and Manchester United target Marco Reus next summer, according to reports in Spain. The German international’s future at Borussia Dortmund has been questioned in recent weeks after it was revealed he had a special release clause in his contract which allows him to leave the team in summer 2015 for as little as £25m ($15m, €18.9m) [sic].

Anorak

Posted: 5th, September 2014 | In: Arsenal, manchester united, Sports | Comments (2)

Manchester United Balls: The Worst Daily Mail Article Ever

ON the subject of Manchester United’s loan deal for Monaco’s Radamel Falcao, the Daily Mail’s Jeff Powell is luminous with rage.

Now we have reached the scandalous point at which clubs the size of United are allowed to borrow leading players for a season or so, then why not for one match?

Answer: Because the rules forbid it, Jeff.

Bastian Schweinsteiger, Arjen Robben, Thiago Silva, and Neymar are among those who have hinted that Old Trafford would be their preferred destination should they ever appear in the Premier League, one day. The way the transfer mania is going it could happen for all of them, for just one day each.

Anorak

Posted: 5th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment

Manchester United Balls: Louis Van Gaal Signed Arturo Vidal For £45m

THE Daily Star says Arturo Vidal is “all smiles despite missing out on Manchester United move”. The inference is that the Chilean star is putting a brave face on things having missed playing for Manchester United. Although he never did say he wanted to leave Juventus. And United manager Louis Van Gaal never did say he wanted the player. 

In another of today’s Manchester United stories, the Star tells its readers:

THE ONES THAT GOT AWAY: Why Man Utd and Chelsea missed out on Juventus duo Vidal and Pogba

Well, Manchester United didn’t get Vidal becasue…

…Juve were demanding £40m for the 27-year-old midfielder, a fee United refused to meet.

Anorak

Posted: 4th, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment (1)

Manchester United Balls: Red Devils Are Looking For An Official Escort Agency Partner

WHEN Burnley manager Sean Dyche talked not of League Leaders but Market Leaders, the Tims and Lucys at Manchester United Inc. nodded and very possibly punched the air and whooped. Manchester United are now all about money. United are not a football team; they are a brand that can attract £150million per year in sponsorship cash (plus £75m-a-year or the next 10 seasons for their Adidas deal).

Some of the sponsors are remarkably odd, like the £2m a year Casillero del Diablo hand United to remind eveyone that they sponsor Manchester United. No photos exists of Alex Ferguson, the club’s famous wine aficionado, handing a bottle of Diablo to a rival manager, but we’re sure the label fought of massive competition to be the wine linked to Wayne Rooney’s nose. Take that, Blue Nun, your Chelsea mad bint.

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comments (2)

Manchester United Balls: Radamel Falcao And Angel Di Maria Thought They’d Joined Manchester City

Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson (second r) watches his new team for the first time as they crash to a 2-0 defeat to Oxford 
Date: 08/11/1986

MANCHESTER United fan Oliver Holt wites for the Daily Mirror. He has felt United’s slip from the top of the Premier League to also-rans. It’s like the 1980s all over again at Old Trafford. But Holt knows what United need to get back to the summit. No, not a brilliant young manager marshalling a fabulous youth team. They need to spend. They need to be like Manchester City.

Holt wrote on August 19:

“To sit at Old Trafford last Saturday afternoon and watch Manchester United being outplayed by Swansea City was to feel a rising sense of bewilderment.Sure, many of us thought United might slip from the summit briefly when Sir Alex Ferguson retired.

But nobody – nobody – thought they would fall this far, this fast. They had been so good for so long, it just did not seem possible…

Everyone knew they needed to sign four or five world-class players this summer to have a chance of bridging the gap that had opened up between them and the rest. Instead, they signed two very expensive prospects, Luke Shaw and Ander Herrera – then fiddled while their empire burned.

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comments (8)

England V Norway: Paper Call Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney A Fat Chancer

MANCHESTER United and England captain Wayne Rooney is a “FATSO”.

The Star leads with “CAPTAIN FATSO”.

News is that the Norway captain has called Rooney fat.

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment

Manchester United Balls: Radamel Falcao, Herrera, Rojo, Blind And Luke Shaw Are The Stepford Wives

MANCHESTER United is the biggest club in the world. We know that because when foreign players pull on the United kit and stand before the advert wall for their close ups they all say, “Manchester United is the biggest club in the world”. For Stretford End read Stepford Stars.

Radamel Falcao oozed:

“Manchester United is the biggest club in the world and is clearly determined to get back to the top. I am looking forward to working with Louis van Gaal and contributing to the team’s success at this very exciting period in the club’s history.”

Nothing more exciting than trying to get back into the Premier League’s Top Four by throwing money at it. But that’s Falcao’s heartfelt opinion. And it’s one we must respect. And his English is really good, too.

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment

Transfer Balls Awards: Arsenal Sign Cavani And Khedira, Manchester United Get Vidal, Kroos And Hummels – Falcao To Liverpool

TRANSFER Balls: Over the summer Anorak has been highliting the utter balls newspapers and football websites have presnted as fact. Time to review some of the choices cuts. As ever the biggest balls features Liverpool, Arsenal, Manchester United and Cheslea.

The Daily Mail told Manchester United fans that Miranda was on his way to the club from Atlético Madrid. He was looking at local schools for his children. He never left home.

The straw-clutching CaughtOffisde wesbite told its readers that Arsenal had signed Sami Khedira. The player remains at Real Madrid.

And:

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, September 2014 | In: Arsenal, Chelsea, Key Posts, Liverpool, Manchester City, manchester united, Sports | Comment

Football Clubs Use Craft And Graft To Announce New Players On Twitter

FOOTBALL’S summer transfer season is over. The Transfer Balls have been digested. And football fans get to see what their team got on DEADLINE DAY. We’ll round-up with the little sticker-style photos clubs use to release new player news on twitter.

The tweets can be broadly placed in two camps: craft or graft.

But we’ll start with Jonathan Biabiany’s move from Parma to AC Milan. It fell through. Anyone like to tell him?

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, September 2014 | In: Arsenal, manchester united, Sports | Comment

Transfer Balls: Manchester United Pay £40m For Artuo Vidal And Line Up Joao Moutinho Instead

TRANSFER Balls loves a story that nags and nags. All summer long Manchester United have been linked with a move for Juventus’ captain Arturo Vidal.

On July 14, the Daily Mail said Manchester United would not buy Vidal.

But there were tabloid “hints” that Vidal wanted to play for United.

Anorak

Posted: 1st, September 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment

Transfer Balls: Radamel Falcao Joined Chelsea Twice, Signed For Manchester City And Manchester United And Headed To Arsenal And Liverpool

TRANSFER Balls: A look at reporting on Radamel Falcao, the Monaco player linked to Arsenal, Manchester United, Manchester City, Liverpool and Cheslea. It’s been a pretty rich summer of utter balls being passed off as a fact.

The Metro says Falcao has agreed to join Manchester United for £51m.

Is that to be believed? In 2013, the Mirror said Falcao had joined Manchester City for £54m.

The Mirror added:

…the deal is also a major coup for Pellegrini, with 27-year-old Falcao keen to work for the Chilean, who is expected to sign a two-year deal at City within a fortnight.

On August 29 2014, The Week asked if Falcao had joined Real Madrid.

On August 29, the Metro said Arsenal had a clear run to buy Falcao:

The ever dire Goal.com said that Falcao had signed for Chelsea.

The equally rubbish CaughtOffide stated that, yes, Falcao had joined Chelsea.

Of, course the same site said Cheslea had bought Falcao for much less money the year before.

But then the Mirror said Falcao had “already agreed” to kon Real Madrid. That was January 2013.

On Augut 7 2014, Falcao was heading to Liverpool.

On August 17, Falcao was heading to Juventus, said the Daily Mail.

It’s a Transfer Balls Royal Flush as Falcao is linekd with all give of English football’s biggest clubs.

Such are the facts…

Anorak

Posted: 1st, September 2014 | In: Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, Manchester City, manchester united, Sports | Comment

Transfer Balls: Manchester United Bid for Radamel Falcao To Gee Up Manchester City

TRANSFER Balls: Manchester United have bid for Radamel Falcao.

Well, so he says:

 

JUST IN: 10 minutes ago Manchester United submitted an undisclosed bid to Monaco for Falcao

To recap this summer: Falcao has been “offered” to Manchester City, sold to Chelsea and Liverpool, and joined Real Madrid after agreeing terms with Chelsea and Arsenal.

 Such are the facts…

Anorak

Posted: 31st, August 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment

Lancashire Rejoice: Manchester United And Burnley Share The Glory If Not The Cash

BURNLEY and Manchester United drew 0-0 in the Premier League. The Manchester United team featured £57.9m signing Angle Di Maria.

In their 132-year-history Burnley have spent £45m on player transfers.

What if Burney had Manchester United’s riches to spend? What if…

Football’s not all that fair, is it? But Bunley and United can both celebrate the fact that they are from football’s leading region.

Burnley’s return to the top flight of English football is highly symbolic.

Anorak

Posted: 30th, August 2014 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment