Sports Category
Sports news, commentary and scores with wit and added value. We compare and contrast the best and worst sports reporting in the mainstream press, blogs, TV and online. We love the English Premier League (Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs, Manchester United and Manchester City) and all things football but we cover cricket, rugby, the Olympics, tennis, golf, F1 and highlights of the sporting year.
Mario Balotelli’s agent ‘doesn’t give a f**k’
IN a division so devoid of any character, the departure of Mario Balotelli from the Premier League is a very sad one. Who can football fans look to now? Suarez? He’s not exactly loveable. Ryan Giggs? Even he managed to make shagging his brother’s girlfriend look dull.
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Lightning fast Carlin Isles turns rugby into a non-contact sport
RUGBY Union is no longer a contact sport. Well, not when Carlin Isles is playing it. Isles is the 40th fastest man in America. Here is is playing in the rugby sevens against the French. France are playing rugby. Isles might not be. He might just be playing baton ball or leg it or, if, like with Rugby, we going to name it after a school, Lancing.
The true test, of course, is how he plays the 15-a-side game. Less space means more chance of his being squashed. But then can you sit on something so slippery?
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See Garrett McNamara surf a 100-ft wave (video)
LOOK at the size of that wave! Garrett McNamara, nee Pittsfield, Massachusetts (his family moved to Hawaii’s North Shore when he was aged 11), is on record as the surfer who has surfed the biggest wave. At Nazaré, Portugal, he surfed a 23.77 meters (78 feet) wave in November 2011.
McNamara has broken that record. He’s surfed a 100ft wave, also off the coast of Nazaré.
QPR’s Harry Redknapp investigates: the mysterious case of West Brom’s Peter Odemwingie
HARRY Redknapp might have been England manager. It;s a shame he never got the job, not least of all because his excuses and reasons for things would have been worth the wait. Now manager of QPR, Redknapp has been discussing moves for West Brom’s striker Peter Odemwingie:
“It’s a bit of a difficult situation for West Brom. It’s not worked out in an ideal way. The whole situation has become a bit too public really hasn’t it? I am sure West Brom are not to happy with the way it’s gone. We made an enquiry. The enquiry leaked out and obviously the player decided he wanted to come to London and that’s how it has worked out.”
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It’s a Super Mario world!
It’s a Super Mario world!
IN one form or another, he’s been with us for over 30 years now. But with a whole range of great Super Mario games available on Nintendo 3DS, Nintendo 3DS XL and the fabulous new Wii U console, it seems Mario isn’t going away anytime soon.
He’s saved the princess in countless adventure games, competed with friends (and enemies) in racing games like Mario Kart 7 and taken part in all sorts of sporting events – but what’s he been up to most recently? Here’s a look at three great Mario titles that are available now.
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Specsavers mock Chelea’s Eden Hazard for ballboy incident
WHEN Eden Hazard kicked a ballboy in the ribs, it was… and let us all be perfectly clear on this… really funny. No-one got hurt, both looked like berks and, coupled with all the giant-killings that have gone on this week, made for the most interesting week of football in aeons!
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Posted: 28th, January 2013 | In: Sports, The Consumer | Comment (1)
Joey Barton: Chelsea’s Eden Hazard was right to hit Charlie Morgan because he’s rich
JOEY ‘Allo Allo’ Barton is writing in the Times about Eden Harard’s kick on Swansea ballboy (he’s 17) Charlie Morgan. Like one Anorak readers, Barton blames bad technique and modern training methods of Hazard’s inability to launch Morgan into the upper tier of the Liberty Stadium. To which we would add, soft boots.
Says Barton:
Before we all get too carried away, we should think about the context of the incident and dish out retribution fair and square.
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Liverpool: Garth Crooks says 40-goals-a-season Suarez and Sturridge can be new Owen and Heskey
GARTH Crooks is Anorak’s favourite BBC football pundit. His eagerness to appear knowing in the face of glaring knowledge gaps, his earnest pursuit of the most trite opinion, and the reverence with which he treats his own opinions, holding his hands together in prayer as he delivers a verdict on Theo Walcott’s crossing in a tone Solomon would have considered ‘a bit much’. Last week, Crooks looked at Luis Suarez and Daniel Sturridge, the Liverpool strikers. Crooks says Sturridge “possesses the potential to create a partnership with Suarez capable of 40 goals a season. Anfield has not seen anything like that since Keegan and John Toshack or Dalglish and Ian Rush and we all know what that led to.”
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Posted: 24th, January 2013 | In: Sports | Comments (5)
Chelsea’s Eden Hazard: Foreign training methods to blame to ballboy ‘kick’
A READER writes on Chelsea ball-boy kicker Eden Hazard:
EDEN Hazard’s “kick” epitomised everything that’s wrong with football in this country.
Foreign training methods, and the emphasis on “technique”, meant that when it really mattered he could do more than administer an ineffectual flick of the foot.
Nat Lofthouse would have put his laces through the snivelling scrote and sent him bouncing off the roof of the stand.
#Pray for charlie morgan: best reactions to Eden Hazard’s attack on ‘King of all time-wasting ball boys’
CHELSEA player Eden Hazard kicked Swansea ballboy Charlie Morgan (aged 17) in the ribs.
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Posted: 23rd, January 2013 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Chelsea brat Eden Hazard kicks Swansea’s ballboy in the ribs – video
IN this video, Chelsea’s titchy star Eden Hazard kicks a Swansea FC ballboy in the ribs. As the clock reached 79 minutes in the Capitol One Cup semi-final second leg, Hazard pushed the ballboy down and then booted him in the side. Referee Chris Foy awarded Hazard a straight red card.
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Posted: 23rd, January 2013 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
Alan Pardew turns Newcastle United into a more French version of the Arsenal he mocked
IF Newcastle press on with plans, this transfer window will see them buy Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa from Montpellier, Bordeaux striker Yoan Gouffran, Nancy left-back Massadio Haidara and Moussa Sissoko from Toulouse. This would mean 11 Frenchmen in the Newcastle United squad.
Since becoming Newcastle United manager, Pardew has signed: Hatem Ben Arfa, Shefki Kuqi, Mehdi Abeid, Yohan Cabaye, Demba Ba, Sylvain Marveaux, Gabriel Obertan, Davide Santon, Rob Elliot and Papiss Cissé.
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Posted: 23rd, January 2013 | In: Sports | Comments (3)
The worst ski-jump in the world
>NOW it turns out that Eddie ‘The Eagle’ Edwards (above) is a half-decent diver (yes, we’ve seen some of ITV’s Splash and no, we haven’t stopped crying), it turns out he may not be the lousiest ski-jumper either.
Last Sunday, a professional ski jumper made a complete hash of his attempt when he slipped and fell down a slope in Sapporo, Japan, on his bony little arse.
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Arsenal ‘fine sheet’ leaks online: Mertesacker plays the German banker
ARSENAL aren’t known as the strictest, toughest of football clubs, which may or may not be underlined by the leaking of a sheet of fines and penalties from the club.
Gary O’Driscoll – he’s one of the club’s doctors – apparently took a photo of the sheet. However, after he used a file-sharing website (naughty), the photo ended up being leaked and shared around online.
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Southampton’s Jason Puncheon show Gary Lineker for to hit the target
FOOTBALL chant of the day: when Southampton’s Jason Puncheon left the pitch during his side’s Premier League match with Everton, the home crowd at St Mary’s knew why:
It could have been worse. He could have done a Gary Lineker, and defecated on the pitch.
Lance Armstong is Liverpool’s Luis Suarez but not Gareth Bale nor any other noble Briton
BILL Leckie says Liverpool’s Luis Suarez “is Armstrong MKII”. That’s Lance Armstrong, the fabulously talented cyclist who used illegal drugs to become a living legend.
Leckie writes:
THERE’S a huge gap in downright criminality between divers in football and dopers in cycling.
Yep. One is testing the referee. You get booked for diving. The other was part of a sophisticated plot to dupe the spectators and those cyclists not doping. Armstrong attempted to destroy the reputations of anyone who called him a cheat, successfully suing them and winning considerable damages.
But the intent in their actions is the same — to win by any means possible no matter how it screws over their fellow pros.
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Posted: 22nd, January 2013 | In: Sports | Comments (9)
The best Lance Armstrong jokes
IT’S open season on Lance Armstrong, the cyclist who was better than all the other drugs cheats in his sport. He had natural talent, drive, a cancer-survivor’s background story and better medical men and labs than the rest of the field. He cheated. The media,. Lance and the fans built his legend. Now we demand his shaming. The American who beat cancer and the French must be made to suffer, or at least look like he is:
Time for the jokes:
“Why did Lance Armstrong go on the Oprah Winfrey show? Because he thought he’d have a ball.”
“What is the secret of Lance Armstrong’s success? He always stays positive.”
Jon Stewart: “I believed in you Lance Armstrong. I shelled out a dollar for a rubber bracelet I have somewhere in my house. … Well I think we all owe cancer an apology.”
The Top Ten on the Late Show With David Letterman:
10. Artificially enhanced his cycling shorts
9. Still never leaves the house without several vials of clean urine
8. Owns Texas real estate known as “Rancho Decepto”
7. Took steroids to work up the strength to admit taking steroids
6. Once had an inappropriate relationship with an air hose
5. Also has tattoo of Rex Ryan’s wife
4. Has given up on making the baseball Hall of Fame
3. United States Postal Service paid him in stamps
2. Started erotic website, “Tour-De-Pants”
1. Admitted to doping just to get on “Oprah”
“Lance Armstrong has flown into New York to deny doping claims. It would have been more convincing if he’d used a plane.”
“Lance Armstrong has denied ever using drugs, but he has admitted pedalling.”
“I can’t believe they’ve stripped Lance Armstrong of his titles – you try riding a bike on drugs!”
“BAKERSFIELD, CALIFORNIA – (The Borowitz Report) – Infuriated by new allegations that he took performance enhancing drugs, bicycling legend Lance Armstrong lashed out at the press today, hurling a 2008 Hyundai Sonata at a reporter.”
“Apparently, Oprah asked Lance Armstrong if he’d do a blood test on the show. Armstrong said he’d be happy too but he’d left most of his blood at home.”
Lance Killstrong:
Lance Armstrong v Nicole Cook: pick your expert
NICOLE Cooke is a former Olympic cycling champion from Wick in the Vale of Glamorgan. She’s retired from her sport. Her leaving speech is repeated in full hereunder. It’s worth a read, particularly her views on sexism and Lance Armstrong.
She answers our question: If everyone is cheating, what’s the big deal?
C. B. Fry put it:
“It is widely acknowledged that if both sides agree to cheat, cheating is fair.”
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Lance Armstrong called Betsy Andreu a crazy bitch but ‘I never called her fat’
LANCE Armstrong attacked and abused Betsy Andreu, the truth-seeking wife of cyclist Frankie. He worked to ruin her. (Full story here.) Oprah Winfrey wants to know more about this. Arsmtong had been advsied well. Winfrey has battled with her weight. So, Lance, what did you call Betsey Andreu:
“I called you crazy. I called you a bitch….But I never called you fat.”
And with that, he is redeemed…
Paul Weller and Bradley Wiggins sing same old song
HOW modern journalism works: a source says something and the story takes on a life of its own. The Daily Mirror told us that sportsman and mod Bradley Wiggins was turning his hand to music, “teaming with Paul Weller and Bruce Foxton on new single.” The story was based on a single “source”:
“It’s all incredibly exciting and has been in the pipeline for some time. Everything has finally been signed off though, and a date set for mid-February.”
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Posted: 19th, January 2013 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
A shite at the Oprah: Lance Armstong makes mockery of Laureus World Sports Award
LANCE Armstrong answers. Yes, he did cheat by taking drugs. Everyone who didn’t take banned performance-enhancing drugs whom he beat has been cheated. The many who cheated and were beaten by Armstrong are two-time losers. Now go outside and throw your truck at people .
Armstrong has told Oprah Winfrey everything. Which beggars the question: why didn’t they get her to question him ages ago?
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Bad lip reading does American footballers
CAN you lip read what these NFL footballers are saying? They can:
Let’s not beat around the bush: this is the best thing ever. (via @gavinpurcell)
What they said about Luis Suarez before he admitted to diving
IS Liverpool’s charmless and talented Luis Suraez a cheat? Says Luis Saurez:
“I was accused of falling inside the box in a match and it’s true I did it that time, because we were drawing against Stoke at home and we needed anything to win it. But after that everybody jumped up to talk – the Stoke coach and the Everton coach … I understood that the name Suarez sells newspapers…
“The media make up a lot of things about me because they want to sell papers. I say to the media: You should talk more about football, not about other stuff.
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Pep Guardiola was dreaming of England when he signed for Bayern Munich
PEP Guardiola has been confirmed as the new coach of Bayern Munich. They play in Germany. This morning the Times told its readers:
Dream on, Pep…
Harry Redknapp gives QPR owners a spanking with Remy
THE world according to Harry Redknapp, QPR manager. The Evening Standard reported today:
Loic Remy was finalising an £8million transfer to Queens Park Rangers today but the striker will be sold in the summer if the club are relegated. It is understood that his £80,000‑a-week deal includes a release clause which will be triggered if Rangers, who are bottom of the Premier League, go down in May.
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Posted: 15th, January 2013 | In: Sports | Comments (3)
