Sports Category
Sports news, commentary and scores with wit and added value. We compare and contrast the best and worst sports reporting in the mainstream press, blogs, TV and online. We love the English Premier League (Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs, Manchester United and Manchester City) and all things football but we cover cricket, rugby, the Olympics, tennis, golf, F1 and highlights of the sporting year.
Look alike: Mario Balotelli is Sleestak (From ‘Land Of The Lost’)
LOOK ALIKE: Manchester City and Italy striker Mario Balotelli is Sleestak (From ‘Land Of The Lost’):
Spotter: Pies
Glazer’s continue to milk the Manchester United cash cow with New York IPO
MANCHESTER United fans know their club is the biggest in England. So. Why don’t United buy the biggest and best names for the most money? The ruling Glazer family intend to list Manchester United on the New York Stock Exchange. The floatation would raise funds to reduce the club’s £423m debt. The interest alone costs £45m a year. The Glazers want to raise a maximum of $100 million.
They make an announcement:
“Our indebtedness could adversely affect our financial health and competitive position…Our indebtedness increases the risk that we may be unable to generate cash sufficient to pay amounts due in respect of our indebtedness. It could also have effects on our business.”
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Andre Villas-Boas has £270m to spend at Spurs
ANDRE Villas-Boas will see if he can do better at Spurs than he did at Chelsea. The Portuguese has signed a three-year deal to be the Tottenham head coach. The announcement has been followed by some great news for Spurs fans, although it depends on which Murdoch paper you read:
AVB will get a transfer kitty of around £40m – with a guarantee that he can also spend every penny he recoups from player sales”
So says the Sun’s Paul Smith, who puts the Spurs transfer budget at £100m.
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Is Gary Lineker leaving Match of the Day?
THE BBC’s Match of the Day may never be the same again, as it is rumoured that Gary Lineker will be taking his creosote tan, despairing lack of buttons on his shirt and fixed-murderer grin away from Auntie and to pastures new.
Lineker’s contract with the BBC is due to end soon, and BT – which paid £788 million to air 38 premier league matches from 2013 to 2016 – is keen to have a big face represent the brand when it kicks off. And Lineker is deemed to have a face large enough. Must be the ears.
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Posted: 3rd, July 2012 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
Saucy seaside card wishes Team GB a great Olympics
IN 1962, two years before the Tokyo Olympic Games, Andrew Hunt, the BOA’s Chief Executive, received a James Bamforth card “wishing Team GB all the luck in the world and a successful Olympic Games.” If Amanda Holden ever comes off the lettuce, she a shoo-in for the archery…
Eamon Dunphy explains the Spanish national anthem
SO. Why didn’t the victorious Spanish team sing the words to their national anthem before the European Championships final with Italy? That question to you RTE’S Eamon Dunphy. Says he:
“There’s a unity between the Catalans and the Spaniards which is very important. Traditionally Spain have underachieved because the players of Barcelona, and the Basque country, and the Castilians don’t get on. But that rift has been healed by this generation of players. And notably, when the national anthem was being played no Spanish player sang it. I think that was perhaps a recognition that ‘we’ll say nothing, we subscribe to that, and keep quiet.’ For the purposes of football, they have left a culture and their politics in the dressing room and played for their nation.”
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Two boys try to steal Olympic Torch in Coventry (video)
TWO enterprising lads (surely rat boys? – ed) have tried to steal the Olympic Torch as it was raced through Coventry. Why? Is it because they wanted to bathe in the glory of jogging by candle light? Did they just need a light for a three-skinner spliff? Or is it becuse nicking stuff is the true spirit of the Olympic Game – it being what the ancient Greeks would have wanted?
Posted: 2nd, July 2012 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Little Spanish Sprogs invade Pitch at Euro 2012 Final – blame Dennis Wise
BLAME Dennis Wise. Once upon a time children dreamt of treading the hallowed turf after a life dedicated to improving footballing skills. It all went awry at the 2000 FA Cup Final of 2000, when Chelsea’s Wisey bowed to sentiment and playground oneupmanship by sitting his child inside the fabled trophy. What once was storyed and legend became an all-in-one silver potty.
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Mario Balotelli – the best of his Euro 2012 memes (but no Olympic Torch)
MANCHESTER City and Italy’s maverick striker Mario Balotelli put in a more than decent effort at the Euro 2012 Championships. That Italy lost to Spain will, naturally, have disappointed him. We who had heard that rumours that at the moment of victory, Mario would have removed the Catherine Wheel he keeps trapped to his person, lit it and run around the stadium handing out sparklers to under 12s are also saddened. If there is one thing we know about modern football it is that you can never have too many fireworks. The pity is that no-one had the foresight to let Balotelli have a turn with the Olympic Torch, adding a touch of pizzazz and excitement as he ran around his hotel suite with the fully lit burner. Still, he left us with one abiding image. When he scored against Germany, Balotelli ripped off his shirt. A meme was born:
Shearer praises Spain for having “an unbelievable amount of sex”
LIKE anyone sensible, you watched the Euro 2012 Championships fianl between Spain and Italy on BBC1. You did this because ITV has ad breaks and Clive Tyldesley. You did this because the BBC no longer has John Motson, much. You did this because the BBC has Gary Lineker’s understanding, patience and wit.
True enough, the BBC does have Alan “unbelievable” Hansen, a man for whom the incredible amounts to Andy Carroll heading a ball. It also has Alan Shearer. Just as Roy Hodgson’s XI are exciting because they make so many mistakes, Shearer is the old pro tripping over thoughts which, if his expression is a guide to what’s occurring within, are born in constipation whilst being sat on a fence.
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John Terry well pleased to win Euro 2012 – photo
CHELSEA captain John Terry is well pleased to win Euro 2012:
Spotter: @HRH
Andre Villas-Boas will work at Spurs for free
THE Sun says that Andre Villas-Boas will “lose nearly £11million” the second he agrees to be the new Spurs manager. Only, he won’t. He won’t lose at all. Journalists are infamously crap at maths, but the Sun’s Paul Smith takes the biscuit.
Villas-Boas was sacked by Chelsea with 28 months to run on a three-year contract. The deal meant Villas-Boas would collect his £100,000-a-week salary until he got scored a new job.
Writes Smith:
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FLASHBACK in photos: July 11, 1938 – The Women’s Billiard Championship
FLASHBACK in photos: July 11, 1938 – The Women’s Billiard Championship at Burroughs & Watts Hall in Soho Square, London. Picture shows Mrs V McDougall of London, the champion, making a masse shot watched by her opponent, Mrs G Holman, also of London:
FLASHBACK: The biggest Wimbledon shocks – ever!
THIS week’s defeat of former Wimbledon champion and current number two seed Rafael Nadal has been described as one of the greatest upsets in history. His second-round exit at the hands of world number 100 Lukas Rosol was certainly one of the most extraordinary games ever seen at the All England club, and deserves to take its place among the biggest shocks of the world’s top tennis tournament. But is it the greatest ever? Recent decades have thrown up a few serious contenders…
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Lukas Rosol reduced to spectator at his own triumph – Nadal wins backpages
LUKAS Rosol plays the match of his life and plucks Rafael Nadal from the Wimbledon tennis championships. And how does the Daily Mail report on Lukas Rosol’s moment of glory? Why, with the lead headline:
“Sad Rafa beaten by unknown.”
At least the Times bother to include a small photo of Rosol, although the backpage headline finds no room for his name, the paper declaring:
“Nadal slumps to defeat as world No 100 wins thriller.”
What’s his name, again..?
Posted: 29th, June 2012 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Daily Mail says David Beckham to ‘spearhead Great Britain’s Olympic football challenge’ – Unless…
DAVID Beckham will not pull on a Team GB shirt in the London Olympics. Beckham has been overlooked. One more day in the sun for Beckham will now go to another less gilded player, for whom the Olympics might be their career defining moment of glory. But how does the Daily Mail report the matter? Well…
“David Beckham’s almost inevitable inclusion in Great Britain’s Olympic football squad remained on course last night when he survived the big cut in the selection process'” – Charles Sale, Daily Mail, April 18, 2012
“David Beckham, whose selection as one of the three overage players allowed in the Team GB football squad appears inevitable…” – Charles Sale, Daily Mail, April 19, 2012.
“David Beckham will crown his glittering international career by spearheading Great Britain’s Olympic football challenge at the London Games…” – Charles Sale, The Daily Mail, June 8, 2012
“David Beckham is surely not going to be left out of Stuart Pearce’s 18-man Team GB squad for the Olympics after being named on the 35-strong shortlist registered with FIFA” – Charles Sale, Daily Mail, June 15, 2012
“Beckham stunned after being left out of Team GB Olympic squad as Pearce chooses Richards, Giggs and Bellamy” – “SPORTSMAIL REPORTER”, June 28, 2012
What, no Charles Sale exclusive?
Paul Merson slams Liverpool’s Andy Carroll for hiding from taking a penalty – like he did
FORMER Arsenal player Paul Merson is upset in The Liverpool Echo:
“Andy Carroll should be ashamed of himself. It’s an absolute disgrace that he didn’t take a penalty for England. He cost [Liverpool] £35m – it’s his job to score goals. Ashley Cole is the best left-back in the world. It’s his job to defend, not score goals. That’s what Carroll is there for. How he doesn’t take a penalty in front of Cole is disgusting. It winds me up so much. Even if Roy Hodgson had him down to take the sixth penalty, that’s not an excuse. It’s not good enough.”
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Posted: 27th, June 2012 | In: Sports | Comments (4)
Mario Balotelli is not King Kong – Italy’s Gazzetta dello Sport hardly apologises
HOW has Italy’s Gazzetta dello Sport responded to criticism of its cartoon depicting Mario Balotelli – the Azzurri’s only black player – as a giant monkey called King Kong?
“We can honestly say it was not among the best products of our talented cartoonist. The newspaper is for those who read it and hence, if certain readers found the cartoon offensive, we apologise.”
We apologise not for the picture but if you felt offended. Of course, in the UK being offended is enough to cry “racism”. It’s not the intention that matters but its reception.
The paper adds of cartoonist Valerio Marini:
“At this time, a measure of prudence and good taste are necessary because everything, absolutely everything, can be misinterpreted. But those that accuse Gazzetta, and poor Marini, of racism are going overboard. This newspaper has fought any form of racism in every stadium and has condemned the boos directed at Balotelli as an unacceptable form of incivility.”
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Ian Wright outlines his vision for England to win the World Cup
CAN England win under Roy Hodgson? At Euro 2012, the team did as well as Sven Goran Eriksson’s sides ever did (three times in major tournaments), chucking themselves into tackles and running themselves into the ground, as is the custom. But can they improve? Ian Wright outlined his vision to Sun readers:
1. Blame the foreigners:
While no one can knock the quality of entertainment on show every week, we have to realise why that is. And, in my book, it’s because of the huge number of foreign stars lighting it up rather than our own.
2. Bring in the old losers
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The Twitter hunt for ‘racist’ Steve @Lapwnge: Ashley Cole and Ashley Young must be avenged
THERE was little racism in evidence at the Euro 2012 Championships in The Ukraine and Poland. The BBC and the tabloids had warned England fans about neo-Nazi gangs waiting to murder blacks, Asians and Jews. In “Anarchy in the Ukraine – ‘Nazi’ militia train yobs to fight our fans“, the Sun showed us local thugs rehearsing for murder with wooden knives. But Ashley Young’s family sat in the stands for England’s match with Italy came home not in coffin, as Sol Campbell told BBC viewers black fans might, but on the smart seats of a passenger plane.
The message was clear: we will not tolerate those uncultured (Daniel Pudsey writing for the LSE) East Europeans living in a backward land “notorious for its extremist yobs“ (Sun) with “endemic racism“ (Daily Mail).
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Posted: 26th, June 2012 | In: Key Posts, Sports, Technology | Comment
London Olympics bans rock ‘n’ roll and free speech
WHEN the Times led with “Argentina to disrupt the Olympics”, we cheered. Having cleansed St Paul’s of the 99%, purged the Olympic Stadium of knitting and issued Asbos to the walking graffiti, could the Argentines be the ones to show the world that London and the UK at lage is a bastion of free speech and protest?
Things have gotten so draconian in London that entertainers at BBC Radio 1’s Hackney Weekend were warned against making any negative somment about the Olympics. The poster back stage warned:
“Radio 1’s Hackney Weekend is part of the London Festival 2012. We please aks that you do not reference the Olympic Games in a negative or derogatory way. Thank you.”
The Olympics has not only killed protest, it’s offed rock ‘n’ roll.
Spotter: PopBitch
Alan Shearer ghostwrites Mario Balotelli’s autobiography
WHEN Alan Shearer stops being “Alan Shearer” on the telly, he’ll pick up the pen and be “Alan Shearer” the writer. As Alan Shearer says, “You couldn’t have wrote that script.” Last night, Alan Shearer creased his forehead like man sitting on an orange cone with a vacuum-packed brow, and transmitted a thought to the watching millions:
“Balotelli hasn’t achieved anything in his career yet.”
This was no small matter. Shearer wroter of such phrases as “You can see what it means to him — and rightly so” and “They need to win tonight”, who told us when manager of Newcastle United, “It’s what’s in the dressing room that’s got us relegated” (what was it? A giant spider in the bath? A stray turd? Answers on a postcard), had cut through Balotelli’s medals for winning Serie A (2007-08, 2008-09, 2009-10), the Coppa Italia (2009-10), the Supercoppa Italiana (2008) the UEFA Champions League (2009-10), the Premier League (2011-12) and the FA Cup (2010-11), to focus on what defining what we mean by achieving.
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Posted: 25th, June 2012 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
When Wayne Rooney laughed at Manchester City’s penalty losers
ENGLAND are out of Euro 2012. Thoughts turn to the charmless and unfit England journeyman and Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney, who when the Ivory Coast lost the Africa Cup of Nations final on penalties to Zambia noticed that Manchester City’s Touré bothers were in the defeated team. In the spirit of the ‘football family’, Rooney tweeted:
@WayneRooney zzzzzzzzzzz pga golf is on. Funny that 2 toures was there all the way and lost. Haha
England fielded three Manchester City players in the England starting XI that went out to Italy. One Manchester Untied player, Ashley Young, missed a spotkick for England. One City player, Mario Balotelli, scored past City’s Joe Hart, who was mugged by Pirlo.
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Posted: 25th, June 2012 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
Viriginie Caprice is your Euro 2012 predictor
HOW are your Euro 2012 predictions going. Hats off to the Anorak Towers house skink who told us that England would rely on an overweight, patently unfit Wayne Rooney and go out on penalties. Paul the Octopus is dead, so the Ukrainians is keeping abreast of developments with a slavering pig. And the French have Viriginie Caprice, who communicates her Pools coupon on her bared breasts. The WAGS must be kicking themselves. Behold Vivi The Octopus, playing behind a immobile front two:
England crash out of Euro 2012: It’s smell your fingers time
COME ON TIM! England are pout of the Euro 21012 Championships, defeated in the quarter finals by the more skilled Italy. Rooney and Carroll, a strike force any pub team would be proud to call upon, failed to push the ball over the line that mattered. Scotty Parker worked his socks off. The anthems were impeccably observed. Then came penalties, and with them deflated RF bombers and the end of the England Supporters Band, who missed their cue to equip each penalty taker with a signature tune. The EBS’s palpable lack of imagination is one more thing to lament. No directions. No goals. No Ennio Morricone.
Time, then, for England fans to wake up and small their fingers.
To paraphrase Clive James, “England were good at playing abstract confusion in the same way that a midget is good at being short.”
Anyhow, we’ll always have our fingers to call upon in times of national need:
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