Sports Category
Sports news, commentary and scores with wit and added value. We compare and contrast the best and worst sports reporting in the mainstream press, blogs, TV and online. We love the English Premier League (Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs, Manchester United and Manchester City) and all things football but we cover cricket, rugby, the Olympics, tennis, golf, F1 and highlights of the sporting year.
Euro 2012 history lessons: Steven Gerrard quotes Caesar, Horace and ‘Del Boy’ Trotter
ENGLAND play Italy tonight at Europ 2012. The Sun says that England’s “lion-hearted”captain Steve Gerrard has adopted the habits of “Rome’s Julius Caesar — whose motto was: ‘Seize the day.'”
Carpe diem is a phrase from a Latin poem by Horace:
“Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero.”
This translates to:
“Seize the Day, putting as little trust as possible in the future”
Or:
“Pluck the day, trusting as little as possible in the future.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Martin Keown says Cristiano Ronaldo plays football like an NFL basketballer – a meme is born
WE in the UK like to think Americans know as much about football as they do about irony. It transpires that the UK knows nothing about the Americans. Hence we commend to your attention Curb Your Enthusiasm, Bilko, Friends, Seinfeld and Fulham’s Texas-reared import Clint Dempsey. But worse than that – worse even than British sit-coms – is the Britisher who showcases his ignorance of American sports.
Now, don’t get us wrong, American sports are no great shakes. Each year Anorak celebrates the Super Bowl in traditional fashion by walking around Ikea. But if Martin Keown, for instance, wants to compare the sublime cha-cha-chaing Cristiano Ronaldo, of Real Madrid and Portugal, with a player from American sports, he should get his facts right or risk looking a berk.
When commentating on the Portugal-Czech Republic game at Euro 2012, Keown dropped a clanger:
A meme is born:
Euro 2012: Michel Platini streaks topless in Kiev – photo
EURO 2012 Spotter: Has Michel Platini let hinmself go. Has the Uefa wonk put on a bit to timber?
Or is it those women from Femen in Kiev to potest against prostitution, sex tourism and sexual harassment of female Ukrainian university students?
Discuss.
Posted: 22nd, June 2012 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
London Olympics continues its war on knitting: Raveley Olympics banned
WHAT has the International Olympic Committee and it’s acolytes got against knitting? After LOCOG upset the Woolsack knitters and squealed out of an official Olympic scheme to knit 14,000 woolly cushion covers, news reaches us from the USA that the U.S. Olympic Committee has banned the Raveley knitting circle from staging its “Olympics”, the “Ravelympics”.
The USOC’s general counsel wrote a snotty letter to Ravelry:
The athletes of Team USA have usually spent the better part of their entire lives training for the opportunity to compete at the Olympic Games and represent their country in a sport that means everything to them. For many, the Olympics represent the pinnacle of their sporting career. Over more than a century, the Olympic Games have brought athletes around the world together to compete at the Olympic Games and represent their country in a sport that means everything to them.
[…]
We believe using the name “Ravelympics” for a competition that involves an afghan marathon, scarf hockey and sweater triathlon, among others, tends to denigrate the true nature of the Olympic Games. In a sense, it is disrespectful to our country’s finest athletes and fails to recognize or appreciate their hard work.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 21st, June 2012 | In: Sports | Comments (13)
Wayne Rooney in a state of Shock: It’s Frank Ribery’s hair that amuses (gif)
EURO 2012: it’s all about the hair. England’s tabloid figure of fun Wayne Rooney has become the unlikely face of Shockwaves hair gel, which boasts “ULTRA STRONG ROCK & HOLD”. When Rooney scored with his head against the Ukraine, he circled his bonce and thanks Andy Carroll for the hair guidance. It turns out that newspaper articles on Rooney’s hair out number his active follicles by a factor of three to one. If England lose to Italy – and there is NO chance of that – Rooney’s hair will return to England, possibly beneath a baseball cap, although not bookended by massive headphones, which are no longer a key part of Team England’s kit. And then what for keen hair watchers. Well, There’s always Frank Ribery, the extra from Umberto Eco’s Name of The Rose currently running Les Blues wing. Ukraine’s Anatotolij Tymoshchuk has already noticed:
Posted: 21st, June 2012 | In: Sports | Comments (4)
Royal Ascot 2012 in photos: the hats
ROYAL Ascot 2012. It’s all about the hats. The man dress like Lord Snooty emerging feet first from a drainpipe. The women go for novelty hats. We’ve compiled a gallery of this year’s best lids. Which one would you least like to be stood behind?
13846528
The Royal Ascot dress code in full
TO Royal Ascot with the Daily Mail, who having led with blonde Joanna Southgate’s tattoos (arms), today leads with blonde Zoe Neilson’s ring (nose) and bra strap (black). Fot added raciness, the paper tells readers that Neilson attended St Mary’s boarding school, Oxfordshire (£29,000 per annum). Like a school girl on her way home via the precinct, she tells readers:
“I knew my dress was too short so I tugged it down just before I went through the gates.”
And then, presumable hoisted it up again once out of site of Miss and Sir.
Read the rest of this entry »
Satoshi Motoyama is the hero of Le Mans – who needs mechanics?
WHEN Satoshi Motoyama was shunted off the Le Mans track, the rules stated that he could not allow his car to be touched by another’s hand. If anyone else touches the car he is disqualified. Also, he can only walk a short distance from the car. If he goes too far, he is officially retired from the race. It was up to Motoyama to repair his Nissan DeltaWing and get it back to the pits. Two hours of pencil sucking and twiddling ensued:
England beat Ukraine in photos: the ball crossed the line but justice was served
ENGLAND beat Ukraine 10 at Euro 2012, and march on to a quarter-final with a prosaic Italy. Ukraine were robbed. The hosts scored a good goal that the referee missed. But it was ok. Really it was. The ITV commentator told us that there might have been an offside in the build up and “justice had been done”. Because that’s just what you think when a team has a perfectly good goal disallowed: jutice has been served. Still, England march on, bombers and all.
Elsewhere hats off to other members of the ITV pundit panel:
Andy Townsend: “We’ll credit the goalkeeper, but what a miss that was.”
Patrick Vieira: “Technically the Italians are less better than the Spaniards.”
Roberto Martinez: “Football is a game of errors but you don’t expect mistakes.”
13845582
Posted: 19th, June 2012 | In: Sports | Comments (3)
Ukraine cheat sheet – 5 vital things to know about the Euro 2012 hosts
THE Ukrainian cheat sheet. What do you know about the Ukraine? Here are five things:
1. Ukrainian hip-hop is interesting:
Read the rest of this entry »
Daily Mail rips off Daily Mirror’s Everton transfer scoop word for word
HOW the old media works: Tabloid Watch notices that Daily Mirror’s report on the rumour that Everton are in the running for Mario Mandzukic, the Croatia striker. Transfer rumours are the lifeblood of the backpage fillers. The tabloid rule is that all the big clubs should be the subject of one transfer rumour a day.
On June 15, the Mirror’s Simon Bird wrote:
Everton are trailing Croatia striker Mario Mandzukic – and could land him for a bargain £7million. The Croatia hitman, one of the stars of Euro 2012 so far with his three goals in two games, could be paired with team mate Nikica Jelavic at Goodison Park. Mandzukic is on the radar of other Premier League sides too, because he is available at a “fair” price from his German club, Wolfsburg.
The 26-year-old was signed by Wolfsburg’s then-coach Steve McClaren – a friend of Everton boss David Moyes’ No2 Steve Round – for £6million and has two years left on his contract. Everton were also interested in him two years ago, when he played for Dinamo Zagreb, and have had Mandzukic watched during the Euros. His partnership with Jelavic at international level is thriving and could be rekindled on Merseyside.
Read the rest of this entry »
Why are the English so fat? That question to the FA, Gary Lineker and McDonald’s
WHO ate all the pies? Who ate all the pies…? Isn’t it marvellous that McDonald’s is so involved with the FA? The UK’s women are the fattest in Europe! The country’s men – shame on you – are second, behind Malta.
Read the rest of this entry »
When tennis stars go mad: Nalbandian, McEnroe, Williams and even Timmy Henman explode
WHEN tennis stars go mad:
David Nalbandian’s assault on a hapless hoarding at the Queen’s club was itself sufficient to warrant a stern rebuke and possibly even disciplinary action. But the unfortunate collateral damage – a nasty shin injury to the line judge who was seated immediately behind the advertising board – has catapulted the angry Argentinian into the lawn tennis hall of shame, and earned him worldwide notoriety.
Read the rest of this entry »
Harry Redknapp and his car window interviews – a video study
HARRY Redknapp, the man the press pack wanted to be England manager – the man sacked from his job as Spurs boss for failing to deliver on money spent – is known for giving quotes through his car window. In this collection the wheeler dealer vents forth:
England v Scotland at Wembley – a football history in photos
ON August 14, 2012, England will play Scotland at Wembley. Anthems will be impeccably observed…
1244947
Wayne Rooney spies on England with fibre optic hair? The Ola Billger tapes
WHO is the “SPY” in the England camp at Euro 2012? The Star and Sun both lead with Ola Billger (he’s no Anna Chapman) a journalist with Sweden’s Svenska Dagbladet who used binoculars to observe England at the Hotel Opera in Kiev. He, as the Sun says, “secretly watched as boss Roy Hodgson used a projector screen to explain key tactics” to the England team.
It really is like schoolteacher talking to his class.
The Sun adds:
For 40 minutes, he jotted down details about how Hodgson wanted his team to defend free-kicks and corners. Billger then passed on the information to the Swedish camp.
The game ended 3-2 in England favour, with both the Swedish goals coming from free kicks. Did Sweden’s heads-up on England’s tactics help them to score twice? Or was it wall down to the simple fact that England are pretty rubbish at defending freekicks around the box, and you can’t teach Ashley Young to mark his man (see Teach Your Cat To Play The French Horn modules 1-7).
Read the rest of this entry »
Euro 2012: England beat Sweden in photos – with added Rooney Moony
ENGLAND 3. Sweden 2. The European Championships are up and running for Roy Hodgson’s heroes. On the telly it was great, where, as ever cheek fetishists were well served with lots of fluttering cheeks delivered in super slow motion. One Swedish fan turned his stomach into the “Rooney Moony”. And Our man in Kiev took photos:
13818911
Euro 2012: Inside the England fan zone in Kiev – photos, Swedes and rain
TO the fan zone in Kiev, where the England supporters ready to see the lads take on dread Sweden are camped under the rain by the Wato bar – where prices have almost doubled overnight. In our gallery of photos, one is caption “England fans lift up a Sweden fan as they mingle with each other.” No trouble. No England Supporters Band. Jut songs and lager. But it could be worse. In the Times, Sven Goran Eriksson tells readers that Sweden are tough and “because of that you often get matches that are tactical – or even wars.” He does in no way exaggerate…
13818097
Nancy Dell’Olio remembers the glamour WAGS of Baden-Baden
THE WAGS have arrived in Krakow for the European Championships. It’s not World Cup 2006. It’s not Baden Baden. Nancy Dell’Olio has noticed, telling Sun readers:
“We were so glamorous in Baden Baden… It wasn’t how we dressed. It was a state of mind.”
We cast out minds back to those days when the shoppers were in town:
Coleen screamed out: ‘Rooney, Rooney!’, Elen Rives chanted: ‘Super Frank, super Frankie Lampard!’, Lisa Roughead shouted: ‘There’s only one Michael Carrick!’ and Michaela Henderson-Thynne sang: ‘There’s only one Stewart Downing!’As the night went on, the songs became ruder, with a refrain about the absence of Miss Dell’Olio, who had refused to go to the club – ‘Where the f*** is Nancy?’
Glamour models, one and all…
The dire England Supporters Band refuse to die – true England fans will tunnel to victory
ONE song. They’ve only got one song. They’ve only got one song….. The hideous England Supporters Band are back! Having been banned form taking their weapons of music destruction into the Donbass Arena for England’s Euro 2012 against France, the England Supporters Band can play them at the Sweden match.
Dear England fans at the match. Will you please puncture a hole in the drum and shove your novely hat into the trombone. Will you please take up the vuvuzela with relish. And the FA, can you send free tickets to Dappy from N-Dubz and lend him a massive 10ft-high sound system and decks. Anything is better than the ESB. Bring back Acker Bilk (pictured). Is Sir Cliff Richard free?
Read the rest of this entry »
Pukka Pies say England Supporters’ Band ban ‘leaves a sour taste in the mouth’ – oh, the irony
THE hateful England Supporters’ Band have been banned from blowing their metal vuvuzelas at the European Championships. We only hope the Poles and Ukrainians see still more sense by seizing the band’s instruments of torture and melting them down for bullets.
Of course, not everyone is happy watching England play without the soundtrack of lost causes. Take Pukka Pies, whose sponsorship cash made the band the Pukka Pies England Band. The pruveryors of revolting food that only works if you stuff it in your ears issued a press releases that they may care to review:
“The way the band have been treated leaves a sour taste in the mouth and is very disappointing and we will be making an official representation to UEFA.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 13th, June 2012 | In: Sports | Comments (4)
Eamon Keegan meets Croatia’s ministry of culture at the European Championships
AT the European Championships, Ireland fan Eamon Keegan explain how he came to be in this photo:
“We were all in Poznan, with all the Irish fans at the game and these two Croatian girls walked through and everyone started singing ‘Get your t*ts out for the lads’ and they actually did. We all started jumping into pictures with them and next thing, I don’t know… I had a few beers on the day but it was all a bit of craic, I didn’t think they’d end up on the internet!”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 13th, June 2012 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
River Plate’s Leo Ponzio pops his haemorrhoids on the pitch (video)
JOHNNY Giles and Nobby Stiles look away now. River Plate’s Leo Ponzio has popped his haemorrhoids (piles) during a match against Boca Unidos in the Argentinian second division.
Says Ponzio, who played on after three changes of kit:
“[When the haemorrhoids burst] I did not think about going off. I felt the blood, but I didn’t find myself flailing. It happened to a friend of mine and he was fine. It was weird what happened to me, because I had spent a week in which I had eaten well. In the meantime I had been fine, but after a move that threw me to the ground I opened myself more than usual and I started to feel the blood. I felt that something had broken.”
You know what this means, don’t you? The arrival of the Bum Box. MArketing teams for adidas are on it…
Spotter: Bob’s Blitz
England fans unfurl racist banner at European Championships? – photo
GET a load of this banned unfurled by England fans. The lads of ‘Godfordshire’ are taking on France. No, it’s not the European Champions of football – it’s the rugby World Cup. It’s not those unenlightened Slavs you’ve been reading about in the tabloids. It’s those awesome English gals.
Garlic is not a perfume – but prejudice can stink… (More.)
Posted: 12th, June 2012 | In: Sports | Comments (6)
The best fan outfits at the European Championships – cross -dressing leprechauns for Jesus
THE European Championships are underway. But what’s the best fan outfit the cameras have picked out for us? The Dutch love the orange and goalkeeper’s gloves; the Irish love shiny green suits and leprechauns; the Swedes have a passion for cross-dressing; and the English fancy militant Christianity. Let’s take a look at the best outfits on show in Poland and the Ukraine:
