Sports Category
Sports news, commentary and scores with wit and added value. We compare and contrast the best and worst sports reporting in the mainstream press, blogs, TV and online. We love the English Premier League (Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs, Manchester United and Manchester City) and all things football but we cover cricket, rugby, the Olympics, tennis, golf, F1 and highlights of the sporting year.
Liverpool Lose To Blackpool In Photos: Kenny Dalglish Is the New Kevin Keegan (Again)
LIVERPOOL fans have now been managed by Kenny Dalglish for two matches. They have lost them both – Manchester United in the FA Cup and now to Blackpool. Are Liverpool in danger of turning into Newcastle – a team with delusions of glory? Is King Kenny once more the replacement for Kevin Keegan as he was at Liverpool all those years ago?
Dalglish is the man we want to succeed – Liverpool winning seems right to anyone who grew up watching football in the 780s and 80s. But is he doomed to fail..?
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Andy Carroll And The Meerkat: A Newcastle To Spurs Story
NEWCASTLE lost to the mighty Stevenage in the FA cup – and Andy Carroll, the Magpies’ lead striker was not there.
He’s injured. The club say he was injured during the team’s game against Spurs. But they didn’t make it public until the wound was looked at closely.
The story goes that on a night out with 15 pals at Newcastle’s Aspers Casino, Carroll reportedly ordered 30 Jagerbombs (Jagermeister and Red Bull). He also allegedly drank “two pints of Fosters and around six bottles of Peroni”.
The Mirror’s account will make a decent scene in the player’s biopic:
Witnesses saw him slump down with his head in his hands after the Jager-bombs and one Peroni. Then all of a sudden he perked up, alert – “like a meerkat“.
The pony-tailed striker stood up on the leg rest of the stool which tipped over. He then smashed against the hard wooden floor of the bar area and was clutching his leg, shouting out in pain…
Shortly afterwards his female companion was seen massaging his leg at the roulette table – where he fell off ANOTHER stool. Carroll eventually limped off to a private function room, where he it is claimed he downed five more Peronis and sang on the karaoke machine before finally leaving alone at around 6.30am.
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Posted: 10th, January 2011 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
FA Cup Photos: Stevenage Help Alan Pardew Settle In At Newcastle
STEVENAGE defeated Newcastle United in the FA Cup by three goals to one. The Geordie nation has a confidence in their team that belies anything approaching the actuality. Alan Pardew is the club’s current manager aiming to reduce the gulf between the fans’ expectation and fact…
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Will Swanton’s 10 Reasons Why Australia Will Win The Ashes
TOP PREDICTION of 2010: Will Swanton forecast: “10 reasons Poms WON’T win”.
Says Swanton in Australia’s Daily Telegraph November 19, 2010.
Reason 3:
Jimmy Anderson, Stuart Broad and Steve Finn are respectable quicks. But they lack the fear factor. Every truly great attack has someone pushing 150km/h, like Mitchell Johnson does for Australia.
Adam Johnson is chiefly remembered on the Tour for being the subject of the Barmy Army song:
He bowls to the left,
He bowls to the right,
That Mitchell Johnson is fucking shite
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England Wins The Ashes: The Humiliation Of The Australians In Photos
WHO wants to see photos of Englishmen celebrating thrashing the Australians at The Ashes? Who wants to see former England captain Michael Vaughan presenting England captain Andrew Strauss with the ashes urn after winning the fifth Ashes Test at the Sydney Cricket Ground, Sydney, Australia? Who wants to see years of humiliation chundered inside baggy green caps and then squashed tight on Australian heads? You do. OK. Here goes:
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Posted: 7th, January 2011 | In: Sports | Comments (5)
The Ashes: Sour Aussies Gladden English Hearts With Bitter Chant
THE fifth Ashes Test and England are thrashing Australia…again. This is getting to be a habit. One thing has changed, though: Australia have two songs. The usual song is a cub-scout-style “Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi, oi, oi!”. The new one – Song 2 – says:
“Four Saffers in your team! You’ve got four Saffers in tour team…”
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Ronaldinho To Blackburn Rovers: Count Your Chickens
BLACKBURN Rovers are in the bidding for buck-toothed, mega-gifted, idle, footballing superstar Ronaldinho. To save us the trouble of making this news up, the chairman of Venky, the company that owns the club, confirms the story. Says Anuradha Desai, for it is he:
“He is keen to play in the EPL [English Premier League] and I think that goes in our favour.”
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Posted: 4th, January 2011 | In: Sports | Comments (4)
Adrian Lewis Is World Darts Champ: Now For The London Olympics (Photos)
ADRIAN Lewis is the PDC World Darts Champion. He beat Gary Anderson 7-5. The victorious Englishman said:
“I think I deserve it. I need to push on from this.”
But where is there to go? Darts must be made an Olympic sport in time for London 2012.
But is it a sport?
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Posted: 3rd, January 2011 | In: Sports | Comments (6)
The Ibrox Disaster Photos: When Rangers Played Celtic And Football Wept
ON 2nd January 1971, 66 people died at Ibrox Stadium. They had gone to see the Rangers-Celtic match. Many more were injured. Many more lives were hurt. The fans went to leave the game. But there was crash on Stairwell 13, a passage taking supporters down from the packed terraces. The names of those who died are listed on the John Greig statue which looks out onto Edmiston Drive.
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Crushed barriers at Ibrox Stadium in Glasgow, where 66 people died after the crowd disaster which followed the Rangers-Celtic match. A further 66 were injured in the worst football tragedy in British history. * 01/01/2001: Their deaths, in one of Britain's worst sporting disaster, are to be remembered at a special service when a bronze memorial statue will be unveiled as a permanent reminder of the tragedy. The accident happened just minutes before the end of the game as Rangers supporters began to leave their home ground, many hoping to avoid the rush caused by the 80,000 capacity stadium emptying in just 20 minutes. A total of 66 people died and 100 were injured in a crush on Stairway 13, a steep passage taking fans down from the terraces. *020101 the scene at Ibrox Stadium in Glasgow after a crush on the terraces at the end of a Rangers-Celtic game left 66 fans dead. Their deaths, in one of Britain's worst sporting disaster, are to be remembered at a special service Tuesday when a bronze memorial statue will be unveiled as a permanent reminder of the tragedy. The accident happened just minutes before the end of the game as Rangers supporters began to leave their home ground, many hoping to avoid the rush caused by the 80,000 capacity stadium emptying in just 20 minutes. A total of 66 people died and 100 were injured in a crush on Stairway 13, a steep passage taking fans down from the terraces.
Roy Hodgson Tells Alex Ferguson A Joke: The Punchline Is ‘Liverpool’
TO gladden the hearts of all you Liverpool fans already right behind Roy Hodgson, here he is talking and joking with Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson. Happy days…
If you like football you need the new Pies annual!
The Ashes Goes Pink For Cancer And Girls
FOR the fifth Ashes test, the Australians wear pink. Is this because cricket is now a girls’ sport, like tennis, Aussie Rules and swimming? Are the Baggys Greens in disguise?
Well, not entirely. The pink is to raise awareness for breast cancer. It’s organised by the McGrath Foundation, a charity created by Aussie great Glenn McGrath’s wife Jane. She died in 2008. She was diagnosed with breast cancer at 31.
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England Win The Ashes In Photos: Let’s All Do The Sprinkler
THE Ashes: England won in Melbourne and retain the Ashes. Australia is now playing for that hollow sporting quality: pride. And then England rubbed salt into the smarting eyes of Ricky Ponting and his team by dancing. In public. The dance is Graeme Swann’s The Sprinkler. Dads and Stags planning the wedding, know that it goes like this: you put one hand behind your head, stretch out the other arm and pretend to be a lawn sprinkler. (Liquids and a priapic X-rated version can be added for rugby club dos.)
Posted: 29th, December 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment
Arsenal 3 – 1 Chelsea: Premier League Photos
ARSENAL 3 Chelsea 1 In Photos: And so it came to pass that Didier Drogba did not score against The Gunners; Arsenal managed to hold on to a lead; Carlos Ancelotti did not get a new coat in the sales; Arsene Wenger is once more a genius with a plan; Jack Wilshere remains not Jack Wiltshire…
The Ashes In Photos: Ricky Ponting Is Our Favourite Whinging Aussie
THE Ashes: Anorak would just to thank Ricky Ponting for moaning – nay, whingeing – at umpire Aleem Dar after unsuccessfully reviewing the decision for the wicket of Kevin Pietersen. The fourth test at Melbourne Cricket Ground in Melbourne, Australia, has been a late highlight of the year. Other highlights can be found in the comments section of Tim Blair’s blog. They care – they really, really care:
“He’s among four English batsmen currently enjoying series averages above 50.”
Except he, Trott is another one of those dastardly Africans in the hybrid “English” team. Four out of eleven?????
Again, we mustn’t forget, this is the world’s 5th worst team being beaten by the world’s 4th worst team. Hell, even New Zealand is ranked higher than both of them…..
philj of perth (Reply)
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Ashes Aside, Australia Still Kings Of Marginal Sports
‘DURING the last Ashes series in 2002, we wrote about the tiresome claims of Australians faithfully echoed by our own (largely Australian-owned) media that theirs is a nation of sporting champions.
We easily demolished this fantasy, pointing out that Australians, like the Americans with their so-called World Series baseball, are careful to concentrate on sports that nobody else plays or at least, nobody English.
We pointed out that cricket is a peripheral pastime in this country, and that when Shane Warne one of the best players of all-time played for Hampshire he got paid for a whole season what a top Premiership footballer would earn in a week. The only time most Englishmen watch cricket is when the Australians come to town, and then its a bit like watching the Harlem globetrotters lots of clever tricks, but of no real importance.
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Posted: 27th, December 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (3)
The Ashes: Victoria Police Top Score For Australians
THE Ashes, Melbourne Test: The Victoria Police are tweeting followers with updates of the match. Those scores so far: Australia all out for 98. England pass that total without loss. “MCG Evictions have overtaken Michael Clarke, top scoring with 26. The drunk, unruly and even one in possession of drugs are out.” Millions of Englishmen enjoying Boxing Day Test.
Australia still has Aussie Rules – as it always will…
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Manchester City’s Mario Balotelli Is A Cock: Photos
MANCHESTER City’s stroppy teenager Mario Balotelli has won the Golden Boy trophy. This sounds like a public school trophy for the brightest catamite; or a spray-painted waiter given to the top drunk dancer at an Ibiza super-club. It turns out to be an award administered by Tuttosport, an Italian newspaper canvassing journalists’ opinions for the world’s hottest young footballing talent.
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Posted: 22nd, December 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment (1)
London Olympics 2012: The Floodlights Light Up The Snow Covered Stadium (Photos)
WE went to see David Cameron switch on the floodlights at the Olympic Stadium. One day a Championship football club will play here, they said. Part-time Premier League side West Ham are destined for the 60,000 stadium. Or will it be Tottenham making inroads in London’s east?
Anyhow, the lights are in one ceremony from many. Look out for Dave Cameron rocking up to flush the first toilet, buy the first kebab and mow the first blade of grass…
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Posted: 20th, December 2010 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
The Pies iPad Magazine Is Go: Treat Your Anorak
ANORAKS! The first ever Who Ate All The Pies (The Tasty Football Magazine) magazine iPad app. wonder is on sale. Buy it and we will give you a cracking read. Or why not treat your live-in football fan / lover / son / nylon fetishist to an organ that says you care enough.
You can order it here.
Or download the free Magcloud App and search for ‘Pies’ in their mag store.
If you want to write for it or Anorak get in touch with psorene@anorak.co.uk.
Tony McCoy Won BBC Sports Personality Of The Year On A Ticket Of Student Fees And Iraq
TONY McCoy, AP McCoy OBE, is the BBC Sports Personality of The Year for 2010. Well done to the 15 times champion jockey. But the show was a dud ever since the BBC made the election a choice between its preferred candidates. You could not vote for anyone you liked; you had to vote for a BBC–approved personality, a star who would not drop the trophy, make a political comment, and who could laugh at Sue Barker’s jokes on a Question of Sport.
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Liverpool FC And Hillsborough Victims Attacked By Boston Globe
TO help Bostonians make sense of Boston Red Sox owner John Henry’s acquisition of Liverpool FC, Alex Beam writes:
“Two months ago, Red Sox owner John Henry and his partners in New England Sports Ventures purchased Liverpool FC, historically one of Europe’s greatest soccer teams… For now, the Red Sox PR machine is pumping out happy news about Henry’s visits to grotty Liverpool… Even by the deranged standards of European soccer, Red fans are totally bonkers. Their excitable Internet fan sites are still agonizing over a 21-year-old soccer riot that killed 96 people.”
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World Cup 2022: Free Qatar Buys Straight Footballers (Gays Banned)
THE will be NO gays at the 2022 World Cup in Qatar. Homosexuality is banned in the football outpost. The French are not banned and neither are Jews and the colour red, but absolute monarchy is good at getting things down, so they might be.
Sepp Blatter says that anyone looking to be gay or having gay thoughts in 2022 Qatar “should refrain from any sexual activities“.
He goes on to say that “we are living in a world of freedom”.
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Posted: 14th, December 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (8)
Paul Gascoigne Escapes Jail: Named As New Newcastle United Captain
PAUL Gascoigne has not been jailed for drink driving by the Beak Newcastle Magistrates’ Court. He was four times over the legal alcohol limit when he was spotted in Jesmond driving an MG erratically. He merely scored an eight week sentence, suspended for a year.
Surely, now Mike Ashley, owner of Newcastle United FC, will pause briefly from his plan to graft Kevin Keegan’s hair onto an army of Alan Shearer clones and given Gazza the captaincy of the Toon. Anything else, such as sacking five managers in just over three years, would be madness…
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MMA Cage Fighter Edger Jones Vomits In His Cage
CAN Gary Lineker’s defecation on the World Cup turf of Italia ’90 be topped (after the video, for those of you who missed it)? MMA Eder Jones, a cage fighter, gives it a whirl…
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