Sports Category
Sports news, commentary and scores with wit and added value. We compare and contrast the best and worst sports reporting in the mainstream press, blogs, TV and online. We love the English Premier League (Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs, Manchester United and Manchester City) and all things football but we cover cricket, rugby, the Olympics, tennis, golf, F1 and highlights of the sporting year.
The Ashes: Ruthless England Show Australia How To Kill Off An Opponent
THE ASHES scores are: England 1, Australia 0. Did you get that? Would you like it in the reverse? Australia are playing at home, so we should pay our due respects lest the old enemy cut up rough. Those scores again: Australia 0, England 1. There. Much better.
In the 2006-2007 tour, England lost five nil. England’s highlight was Steve Harmison’s wide – a ball so wide it is now working as a Joan Collins shoulder pad in a review bar in Aukland.
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The Ashes: Ian Botham And Ian Chappell In Televised Bag Fight
THE Ashes. England are toying with an Australia team that look like, well, England used to. And in the Adelaide Oval car park, Ian Botham and Ian Chappell are going toe-to-toe.
Chappell, of Channel Nine, is said to walked past Botham (Sky Sports) and “muttered something highly provocative as he went past“. Botham is reported to have replied: “What did you say?”
The story continues:
They dropped their bags and “went for each other” before being separated by their colleagues from Channel Nine and Sky.
Ian V Ian. Who wins?
The animosity between the pair started in 1977, when, during the Centenary Test in Melbourne, Botham said Chappell uttered comments attacking the English, so he punched him and chased him out of a pub. Chappell’s version of events was that Botham had teased him about not touring in England because “too many blokes are looking to knock your block off”.
We’d pay good money to se that fight on Sky, which may care to hold back any footage for £9.99 promotion. Incidentally, Australia won that Centenary Test – back in the dim and distant past when they used to play cricket better than us…
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Spotter: Yampster
Never Propose To At A Sports Event: Five Video Rejections
NEVER propose at a sports event. Not only have you taken your girlfriend to watch the game, but you then try to inject a dose of romance into the break in play by asking her to spend the rest of her life with you.
Never do this…
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Lickspittle England Thrashing Julian Assange’s Australia In Ashes: Photos
JULIAN Assange is on the cover of Time. That’s Ass-arnge (to be said in the manner of Peter Sellers’ turning into the Euroviosion Song Contest). And – yep it is Julian.
Australia does something to crow about! Well, that and being world champions at Aussie Rules (thanks Penny).
Meanwhile in Adelaide, the land of Assange is getting creamed at cricket by US lickspittle, Team England.
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Bearcat Arrested For Throwing Snowballs
M. ROBERT Garfield III is throwing snowballs into the stands. He is dressed as a Bearcat. Others toss snowballs back at him. He is asked to stop. He does not. And, what with this being America, the Bearcat is subdued and arrested.
Says University of Cincinnati Police Capt. Jeff Corcoran:
“He was throwing them (snowballs) at the crowd and so of course, people threw back and missed him and hit other people. The officer asked him to stop and he took exception to that.”
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As Sick As A FIFA Shaggy Dog Story: Journalism Matters
MEET Roger Burden, the chairman of Gloucester Football Association and briefly Chairman of the England football controlling body the English version of the Beautiful Game.
Roger had a close-up and personal glimpse of the real world this week when he was part of England’s bid to host a World Cup Final. Last night he quit his temporary post since the scales have fallen from his eyes. The Beautiful Game has a lot of greedy and rapacious sharks. Roger does not like the fact he was promised votes which were not there and is disappointed his tame Royals were given a Right Royal shafting.
The Princes David (Beckham) and William (Saxe-Coburg-Gotha-Windsor-Battenberg or the new English version Mountbatten-Windsor take your choice they are all the same family) meant bugger-all to the assembled football giants set to divide the spoils of a World Cup Fest once again.
The very nice Roger, who was at the tail end of a £15 million bid to get the World Cup has quit screaming and spitting “Foul!!”
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FIFA Is A Rotten State That England Was Too Needy To Expose
ANDY Anson led England’s failed bid to host the 2018 World Cup. He blamed the media for contributing to the chance of failure. He said it was unpatriotic to criticise FIFA, that venal organisation that sees football as it chattel:
“I’m incredibly disappointed with the timing of what the BBC is proposing with Panorama… It’s not very patriotic of the BBC. They could have done it any time in the last two years or next two years.”
Had the BBC “done it” in the last two years no-one would have noticed. Timing was everything. The Sunday Times’s investigation into cash-for-votes caused two FIFA ExCo members to be suspended. Anyhow, now the bid is lost, Anson says:
“I would say right now don’t bother (bidding) unless you know the process is going to change. When there are only 22 guys that gives them too much influence.”
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World Cup: Qatar Wins
QATAR wins! They’re just like us, really. Only hotter…
England Win World Cup 2026: Sepp Blatter Made Un-Refusable Offer (Russian Style)
World Cup Fix Exclusive: Anyone But England
ENGLAND’S lost the 2018 World Cup. Hey, losing now saves a lot of heartache and hype later. But we are ready for 2026 and all that. Then English will go with a Russian-inspired bid based on hooliganism, racism, no grounds, no trains, threats, and mean looking bastards stinking of cash dressed in long, thin leather coats.
Toby Young Jumps On England World Cup Bid Late And Fails
THE World Cup 2018 bandwagon looked to have reached its apogee of pap when Kelly Brook joined the throng. Then Toby Young put his view forward. On December 2 2010, he wrote:
The fix is in. I reckon David Cameron has been tipped off that England has got the 2018 World Cup and has decided to throw some energy behind the bid to create the impression that he’s pulled a rabbit out of the hat.
England Win World Cup 2026: Sepp Blatter Made Un-Refusable Offer (Russian Style)
England Win World Cup 2026: Sepp Blatter Made Un-Refusable Offer (Russian Style)
RUSSIA wins. England loses the World Cup (and this is news, how?). Also defeated: Spain/Portugal, England, and the Netherlands/Belgium bids.
Prime Minister David Cameron is back from Zurich. Vladamir Putin won from a seated position, not having bothered to attend the shindig in Zurich.
The stadia needed to play the actual matches have yet to built in Russia. The roads linking the stadia have yet to be built in Russia. But the scalpers, black marketeers and hoteliers who will rip off visitors to the world’s biggest footy show are on course to be ready in time.
England will go again in 2026. England will make sure they have no decent grounds; no transport; a stack of laundered cash in dollars and euros; a secret Swiss bank account; poisoned Sushi; and a bid team made up of soccer’s hard men, football hooligans everyone who ever knew the Krays to make the bid happen.
The other result of the secret ballot of the 22-member Fifa executive committee sees the 2022 World up go to Qatar, hotbed of hotness. Who wants football in 58 degrees C? With no booze? With no history of the game?
So. Here’s to 2018 and 2022. Don’t bring the kids. Bring cash. In plain brown envelopes…
Posted: 2nd, December 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (2)
Birmingham City And Aston Villa Fans Ruin England World Cup Bid: Photos
THE FIFA 2018 World Cup will be staged in… Well, after that Birmingham victory over Aston Villa in the Carling Cup Quarter Final, and the ensuing pitch invasion and argy-bargy, maybe not England. Says one Birmingham City fan, known an O’leg:
“Da. Ve Inglissha like to do da viowence. Ven the danzching bears came on it vash pretty shzcary, vot ho.”
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Posted: 2nd, December 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
England Will Win 2018 World Cup Bid If They Expose FIFA’s Real Game
HAVING given up on winning the World Cup, England are setting about winning the right to be very close when someone else wins the World Cup at Wembley in 2018.
This means a David Beckham-led charge on the headquarters of that greedy, self-serving club for corporate toss-pots called FIFA.
Becks says FIFA’s executive committee will judge England’s 2018 World Cup bid on its merits. Prince William and David Cameron, also along for the show, nod in agreement.
Forget it.
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Snood Watch – Carling Cup Photos: Giggs Wins At West Ham As Nasri Shames Arsenal
THE quarter-finals of the Carling Cup and Anorak is on Snood Watch. Over at Upton Park, West Ham took on Manchester United and won 4-0. But there was grim news at The Emirates in media-savvy, cappuccino-scarfing North London, as Arsenal beat Wigan 2-0 but were ultimately undone by Samir Nasri’s snood. Compare him to United’s Ryan Giggs in his smart and no frills (literally) short sleeves. Giggs, wins. Nasri loses. Photos.
Manchester United’s Dimitar Berbatov Teaches Mourinho A Lesson: Photos
MANCHESTER United’s Dimitar Berbatov scored five of his side’s seven goals against Blackburn this afternoon. He did so with style, grace and panache. Of course, you only need one goal to win a match – Joe Mourinho, that less suave George Graham taught that). Maybe Manchester United could lend a couple of goals to Man City and Liverpool?
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Posted: 27th, November 2010 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Bernie Ecclestone On ‘Soft And Simple’ Jenson Button: Caption Contest
BERNIE Ecclestone must have wished he had been a little more considerate of Jenson Button’s mugging scare in Brazil after this:
“They look for victims, they look for anyone that looks like a soft touch and not too bright. The people that look a bit soft and simple, they will always have a go at.”
Armed villains avoid people who look like action figures…
Your captions please…
spotter: Yampster
Posted: 26th, November 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (3)
Fabio Capello Earns His Official England Umbrella: Photos
ENGLAND get beaten by France 1-2 at Wembley and the whole country unites in thanking Fabio for carrying on the good work of countless English managers before him. high time, indeed, to award Capello his umbrella. Who says an Italian can’t be every bit as effective as a home-grown boss? Who had dared hope that with Emile Heskey lost upfield, an Andy Carroll would be found to stand on his own and encourage ten other yeomen to try and hit him on the head with a ball..?
Rotherham Fan Banned From All Football Ground For Hugging Goalkeeper
ROTHERHAM fan Nikki John Lomas, 28, is herby banned from watching live football at an English or Welsh ground for three year banning order by Hyndburn magistrates after hugging Accrington Stanley goalkeeper Ian Dunbavin.
With the scores 2-1 in Accrington’s favour, Rotherham strike an equaliser. The League Two match of October 16 is entering the last moments.
Lomas enters the fray. He’s on the pitch. It’s not all over. Not yet. Rotherham will score again and win the day.
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David Haye Buries Audley Harrison’s Career: Photos
DAVID Haye, all seductive bravado, jazzy Union Jack shorts and power, put the tin lid on Audley Harrison’s boxing career in the WBA World Heavyweight Championship Title fight at the MEN Arena, Manchester. The thing ended in a third-round stoppage. Haye marches on. Harrison wonders where it all went wrong…
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London Olympics: Some Official Merchandise Is Made In The UK (Shocker)
LONDON Olympics 2012: Anorak has already told you that lots of official Olympic merchandise is being made in China.
Sky News has done some sums and realised that of the 446 items for sale on the official site, “67% are made in China, 18% made in Turkey, while only 8% bear the hallmark ‘Made in the UK’.”
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Posted: 12th, November 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
Man City’s Carlos Tevez Wears Man United Rio Ferdinand As A Hand Puppet: Photos
MANCHESTER City versus Manchester United produced a dull 0-0 draw in the Premier League. But the game conjured up a photo that will linger long in the memory and Manchester folklore: Carlos Tevez appeared to be trying to wear Rio Ferdinand as a glove puppet…
Flick through the images quickly for an animated result:
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Posted: 11th, November 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (4)
FC United Of Manchester March On To Old Trafford: 18 FA Cup Photos To Cherish
FC United of Manchester beat Rochdale in the first round of the FA Cup. These are the photos of the match that puts the Manchester United protest club on the road to Old Trafford. What price FC United taking on the team that inspired them and gave their fans an alternative to prawn sandwiches and corporate greed? Bring it on. FC United just might be the new Wimbledon football – a welcome antidote to the Premier League TV show…
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Posted: 6th, November 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (3)
Joel Monoghan Dog Sex Photo: Australian Sports Star In Pet Shame
JOEL Monoghan is the Canberra Raiders player, apparently getting his penis noshed by a large white dog during Canberra’s Mad Monday festivities. It was – as it always must be – a “moment of madness”.
(Any dog fanciers know the breed?)
Joel’s manager Jim Banaghan explains:
“Joel can’t blame anyone but himself for an act of stupidity that will haunt him for the rest of his life… There are no words of explanation that can be offered because none can be appropriate.”
Adding:
“It was a moment of abject stupidity brought about by too much drink and a complete lack of any thought process.
“The fact that someone has sought to compound the situation further by the use of social media only adds to the trauma but Joel accepts that it is his actions alone that are at fault…
“Joel is a genuinely good person who is simply shattered by a moment of sheer madness.”
Says Raiders CEO, Don Furner:
“If he did it, it is something he will live with for the rest of his life.”
The photo is NSFW – click on from Pic 1 if you want to see it:
Posted: 4th, November 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (16)
Paul Gascoigne Swaps London Bus For A White Van: Whose Laughing Now?
PAUL Gascoigne was at Northallerton Magistrates’ Court in North Yorkshire to answer a charge of drink driving – in a Ford Transit van while more than four times over the limit on February 7. After lots of legal chattering the case ran out of time.
The Bearsden Herald sums up a legal job well done:
[Stephen Andrews – Gazza’s brief] told magistrates he had only recently been instructed and he needed more time to prepare his case and call witnesses, saying some legal documents on the case were sent to Gascoigne’s old address in Jesmond.
But Mr Andrews application to adjourn was dismissed by the bench which accused Gascoigne of creating a delay, and magistrates heard there was not enough time left in the day to hear the case.
Job done.
And about that white van? Well, it’s just another story, isn’t it, a funny about the man about whom there are lots of stories.
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Wayne Rooney Set On Fire: Guy Fawke’s Never Had It So Bad (Photos)
THIS November 5th Night the good people of Kent’s Edenbridge Bonfire Society will be setting fire to father-of-one, England’s best footballer and Manchester United legend Wayne Rooney. For added impact they stick on some Shrek-like ears. The monster must burn! Guy Fawke’s never had it this bad…
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