Sports Category
Sports news, commentary and scores with wit and added value. We compare and contrast the best and worst sports reporting in the mainstream press, blogs, TV and online. We love the English Premier League (Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs, Manchester United and Manchester City) and all things football but we cover cricket, rugby, the Olympics, tennis, golf, F1 and highlights of the sporting year.
Pakistan Cricket’s Match-Fixing Scandal Is A Good Story With Few Facts
MAZHAR Majeed is accused off offering cricketers playing with the Pakistan national money to alter the course of their match against England at Lord’s.
Mr Majeed has been arrested on suspicion of conspiracy to defraud bookmakers, says Sky News.
Mr Majeed is said to be the owner of non-league Croydon Athletic FC and allegedly uses the club to “launder his illicit gains”. Readers are presented with no evidence of this.
THE News of the World, which breaks this news, says Majeed and his associates “RIGGED the current Lord’s Test between England and Pakistan”.
That match is not over. Pakistan were skittled out for 74 in the first innings. England are on course for victory. Reading on we learn:
The NoTW bowlers Mohammad Amir and Mohammad Asif delivered THREE blatant no-balls to order.
They rigged the entire match with three no-balls? This seems unlikely. It’s a good story, but undone by reporters’ Mazher Mahmood & Amanda Evans’ hype, as they then call the allegation “the most sensational sporting scandal ever”.
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Posted: 29th, August 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (5)
Warrington Wolves And Leeds Rhinos Play British Bulldog In Challenge Cup Final Photos
THE Warrington Wolves beat Leeds Rhinos to win the Carnegie Challenge Cup – Final.
For those of you watching the game, Leeds played in royal blue, white trim and yellow.
Warrington wore yellow, royal blue and white trim.
It was a great match that, given the uniform kits, often resembled a game of British bulldog with tens of men chasing whoever had the ball.
There are reports of Leeds fans who think their team won…
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German TV Football Reporter Takes Flying Ball To The Head On TV
IN this video, German Sky Sports reporter Jessica Kastrop (blonde, natch.) takes a ball to the back of the head from former Chelsea star Khalid Boulahrouz.
No, no, get your mind from the gutter, readers. We said FORMER Chelsea star.
Kastrop is on the pitch at the time. She is stood behind a lectern talking balls with ex-Bolton player Fredi Bobic ahead of a Bundesliga clash between Mainz and Stuttgart while behind her players are warming up.
And out of the blue the ball hits her on the head.
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Tottenham Spank Swiss Young Boys In Photos
TOTTENHAM beat the Swiss Young Boys – spank them, if you will – and the star of the show is Peter Crouch. The still future Mr Abbey Clancy scored three in a 6-3 win. His movement was extraordinary. Here are the photos of Champions’ League night at the Lane…
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Dr Wendy Chapman Admits Slicing Harlequins’ Player’s Face
WENDY Chapman MD pleads guilty to using a stitch cutting tool to slice into Tom Williams’ lip. Williams is the Harlequins player who in April 2009 bit on a blood capsule in the Heineken Cup quarter final against Leinster. (Quins lost.)
It was a true act of sporting theatre as Williams puked fake blood over his top. Like an old stager, Williams removed the capsule from his sock and popped it in his mouth. This was a cue for the usual hysterics with all blood injuries and Williams is taken from the pitch.
On comes the specialist kicker, New Zealander Nick Evans, and all is made right when in the physio’s room Williams is given a genuine injury by the club medic, Dr Chapman.
Says Williams:
“I asked Wendy to make the cut. I do remember that she was not happy about it. The atmosphere was extremely tense. I believe that Wendy pulled down my lip and attempted to cut it with a scalpel.”
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Posted: 23rd, August 2010 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Newcastle United Fans Weep As Aston Villa Are Thrashed (In Photos)
NEWCASTLE United thrash Aston Villa 6-0 win in the Premier League and the fans hang their heads in misery. An opening day defeat to Manchester United was expected and good. The fans need these games to be lost – it keeps to them from removing their tops and seeing Newcastle as Barcelona-on-Tyne. But now fans are once more cursed with the kind of unrealistic levels of expectation that bedevilled the club for years. Says one fan:
“One more big win and they’ll be serving frothy coffee at half time again…with brown sugar!”
Stop Press: Newcastle player ponytail count: 2.
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Manchester United 2-2 Fulham Photos Defy The Cynics
FULHAM and Manchester United managed to show cynics that the Premier League is not all about cheats, moaners and flashy little sods. Fulham’s Brede Hangeland embodied the Corinthian ideals by scoring a goal for each team; David Stockdale saved a penalty from Manchester United’s Luis Nani that should never have been given; no-one mouthed ***-****-**** at the camera (Rooney wasn’t -playing); Paul Scholes struck a ball like they used to do in comic strips; the referee did his best to prevent Alex Ferguson vilifying the officials and behaving like a tantrum-throwing football jihadi by not awarding Fulham a blatant penalty; and a baleful Marc Hughes was not overtly sarcastic once..
Posted: 22nd, August 2010 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Craig Bellamy’s Cardiff City Debut Photos And Other Premier League Goals
CRAIG Bellamy, of Cardiff City FC, presents this week’s round-up of the pick of the football action in photos. Bellamy is a Premier League footballer who left Manchester City to play for his hometown club one division down. He’s on the same wages as when he was at City. But the shock is that a player actually chose to represent a club he supports rather than take City’s money for warming the bench.
In this era of football, in which greed is good, clubs are toys for the super rich and the fans are window dressing, Bellamy can look wholesome and noble.
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Joe Cole Wins Over Liverpool Fans With Criminal Record – Now For The Perm
FIRST new Liverpool FC player Joe Cole gets a red card to go with his new red shirt and then, apparently, tries to adhere himself to his new fans by getting a criminal record.
Joe Cole has been found guilty of speeding at 105mph. And the real shocker is that he was driving his OWN car and it was a… £40,000 Audi A4.
Yeah, that’s the kind of car you’d think Premiership footballers buy the woman who comes over to do the ironing.
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Posted: 19th, August 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (15)
What Really Happened In Wayne Rooney’s Dog Kennels
WAYNE Rooney has long been a figure of tabloid fun, a thing to dress up and mock to solicit a cheap laugh. No paper leads with this line better than the Sun, which recently enlarged its Rooney shtick to tell us that the player was lashing out £10,000 on underfloor heating for his dogs.
The Mail dutifully re-reported this fact.
…So it shouldn’t be surprising to their fans to hear the Manchester United footballer has splashed out £10,000 on underfloor heating in their dogs’ kennels.
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Chelsea Striker Nicolas Anelka Gets 18-Match Ban
CHELSEA striker Nicolas Anelka has been banned from playing for France for 18 games. He has been banned from playing for truly rubbish team whose shameful performances in the World Cup almost made England look average.
He has been banned from being picked to play in meaningless friendlies and big European nights in Albania and Luxembourg.
Oh, the pain!
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Nottinghamshire’s Graeme Swann And The ‘Drink-Driving’ Cat
ENGLAND and Nottinhamshire (he used to play for Northamptonshire) spinner Graeme Swann presents our, alleged, Drink Driving Explanation of The Day as he tells Nottingham Magistrates’ Court that he was driving in his Porsche Cayenne because he needed to buy a screwdriver to help rescue a cat. He denies being over the alcohol limit.
The story is, yer honour, that the cricketer was out with friends. He returned home to find a cat trapped beneath the floorboards of his West Bridgford house.
With haste, then, to Asda in Loughborough Road. And he might have made it had it now been for the Celebrity Police Force.
A Pc Denniss tells the court he decided to pull Mr Swann over because he was “driving a high-performance car in an area where there had been a spate of burglaries”.
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Posted: 16th, August 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (3)
Cheerleading Wildcats Of Wakefield Meet England’s World Cup Hero
THAT’S World Cup final referee Howard Webb posing with Wakefield cheerleaders during the Super League match at the Belle Vue, Wakefield. The Wakefield Trinity Wildcats are taking on the Warrington Wolves. There are neither Wolves nor Wildcats in either of those clubs’ home towns, but there is a decent Spud U Like in Widnes and that man who lives alone above the sweetshop in St Helens does have a pet adder. Meanwhile, Mr Webb is taking the plaudits his station as one of the best card-carrying whistleblowers in the business warrants… [Insert joke about early baths and sending them off here]…
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Joe Cole Defines Sympathy As Liverpool Draw With Arsenal In Photos
ARSENAL and Liverpool managed to draw 1-1 at Anfield in the Premier League. The game was memorable for three things: Joe Cole and Laurent Koscielny being sent off on their debuts for Liverpool and Arsenal, respectively; Pepe Reina gifting Arsenal a deserved goal with a bit of goalkeeping that should get Fabio Capello enquiring as to his availability to play for England; and Carly Cole wearing a length of free car-interior carpet, in beige. Zucker may need to adjust to the fashions of Liverpool – you need to wear it the other around to show the label…
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Premiership Footballer’s Legal Gag Abuses Human Rights
ANORAK’s AGW looks at the latest Premiership footballer to take an injunction out on the media and suppress news on his private life:
England’s World Cup hopes probably foundered when the vastly wealthy then England and still Chelsea captain John Terry gagged the News of the World using super media lawyers and a section of the Human Rights Act 1998.
Not an Act designed to protect and screen or hide away the peccadilloes and the worst of the Sodom and Gomorrah excesses of British society’s newbie wealthy. It was originally conceived as a Euro Act to protect those unable to protect themselves. This, according to some of Britain’s High Court judges includes the sportsmen and any other celebrities who are consistently and persistently two-fingering their fan base.
John Terry And Vanessa Perroncel: What Really Happened
The Mail is today breaking the story of yet another celeb ( thought to be a footballer) seeking and getting a super injunction.
This follows a similar action believed to have been taken by golfer Colin Montgomerie a few days earlier.
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Is Blackpool’s Brett Ormerod The Scariest Man In Football? Wigan V Tangerines In Photos
IS Blackpool footballer Brett Ormerod the scariest man in the Premier League? In their top flight debut, The Tangerines ran out 4-0 winners over mighty Wigan.
Ormerod grimaced for joy. Should Blackpool lose, he might grimace with pain.
As for the match, hats off to Blackpool on a great win.
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Premier League in Photos: Tottenham Hotspurs 0 – 0 Manchester City
PREMIER League in Photos: Tottenham Hotspurs 0 – 0 Manchester City. Was it two points lost of one point gained for Spurs at White Hart Lane? Should Manchester City’s owners from Abu Dhabi have bought Spurs as well? Will spending money on players ever guarantee goals? Will Peter Crouch get back with Abbey Clancy? And will football be the winner? Much to discuss as the season kicks off…
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England Footballers And The Beauty Therapist Who Has Slept With 5000 Men
ON the Daily Star’s front page you can read about “sex-mad beauty therapist” Nikki Lee who has shagged 5,000 different men since tuning 16 nine years ago.
You can also read that England football shaggers – those “SEX–RAT FOOTIE STARS” – have “cost the team £20million in sponsorship deals”.
You might suppose sponsors don’t fancy England because the team are rubbish and a recession makes marketing budgets tight. But the Star says England have no official sponsor because England substitute Peter Crouch has, allegedly, shagged Algerian prostitute Monica Mint. Although the FA recently rejected Nationwide’s £20m for a four-year deal.
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Olympic Guide Advises Britons To Check Before ‘Paki’ Bashing
VISITBritain has published guidelines to teach Britishers that those foreigners are not necessarily diseases-infested asylum seeking jihadis with thieving gypsy paedo blood. They might be athletics fans here for the summer games of London 2012. Who knew?
The guide is specific.
When meeting a Mexican, know that they can be swarthy and it is best you wait before calling them a ‘Paki’ and trying to kick their head in, as is the local custom. The advice is to avoid discussing “poverty, illegal immigrants, earthquakes or the Mexican-American war of 1846-48”. Safe subjects are Speedy Gonzalez, the ‘runs’ and donkey sex.
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Posted: 12th, August 2010 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
In Photos: England Beat Hungary And Beckham Hit By Ageism
ENGLAND beat the mighty Hungary 2-1 at Wembley and the result is overtaken by news that David Beckham will not play for England again. Well, not at football. The Sun leads with this news and says a “spokesman for Beckham” (and that tells you much about overblown status of England’s mascot) was not told by England’s manager Fabio Capello that he had been retired. Capello says Beckham is “little bit old” to play for England. Indeed, readers.
England 3 – 6 Hungary In Photos: When We Were Rumbled
This is ageism, is it not? Beckham says he will always play if picked. And we had hoped that with legislation banning forced retirement at 65, Beckham would go on and on and continue to use his aftershaves and hairs to make the moribund game more interesting… But no.
Here are the best pictures from last night’s match:
Posted: 12th, August 2010 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
England 3 – 6 Hungary In Photos: When We Were Rumbled
IT’S England versus Hungary’s Magical Magyars at Wembley Stadium. Hungary was the first side to beat England at Wembley when they ran out 6-3 winners in 1953. Back then England were one of the top three national sides in the British Isles. It was Hungary’s proudest football moment (so the British news media goes), right up until they beat England 7-1 a year later. Great days. We’ve raided Old Mr Anorak’s archives and bring you photos of the match…
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Posted: 11th, August 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
Abbey Clancy’s Bikini Therapy Remedy For Crouch’s Mint Sauce
ABBEY Clancy gets to be on the front page of the Star and Mirror following allegations that her fiance, the tall footballer Peter Crouch, shagged Algerian prostitute Monica Mint and attempted to execute a salsa dance in full view of the Madrid public.
While we wrestle with a joke about a footballer forgoing the spit roast and going straight for the Mint sauce, we have a quick look at a past interview with Crouch:
REPORTER: “What would you be if you weren’t a footballer?”
PETER CROUCH: “A virgin.”
Peter Crouch – The Clockwork Lamp-Post Years
Crouch has a sense of humour. But how will this story develop?
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Posted: 10th, August 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (6)
World Cup Winners England Take On Mighty Magyars In Photo Armageddon
WORLD Cup. What World Cup? Mighty England are due to take on Hungary’s Magical Magyars at Wembley Stadium, the world’s most famous football ground. It’s 25 November 1953 and all that versus 1966 and all that. Right now Sky and the BBC are stoking up the intense rivalry for which team holds the title of the more nostalgic team over the post-war years.
Says one source in the Hungarian camp:
“It’s as if football stopped in 1953 when we beat England, one of the top three teams in the British Isles at the time.”
Says the Sky TV into:
“This is the Big One. The Phoney war is over!”
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What Really Happened When Peter Crouch Met Monica Mint
PETER Crouch allegedly shags 19-year-old Algerian prostitute Monica Mint in a Madrid hotel room and his fiancee Abbey Clancy tells “pals”: “I feel so betrayed” (Mirror).
Or as Abbey Clancy is said to have told Crouchy, “You cheating bastard!” (Sun).
We join Great British model Clancy on the set of her TV show, the E4 spectacular Great British Hairdresser, a show that will restore a sense and pride and nationalistic fervour to your fringe.
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Posted: 9th, August 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (9)
Jenson Button And Vernon Kay Photos Moisten Challenger World London Triathlon
F1 World Champion Jenson Button did not win the Challenger World London Triathlon. Tall TV streak of water Vernon Kay did not win the swim, cycle and run extravaganza. The bankers, CEOs, consultants and lawyers who make up 45 % of the 13,000 agonists did not win it either.
Australia’s Courtney Atkinson and Helen Jenkins of Britain won the London Triathlon – a 1,500-meter swim, a 40-kilometer bike ride and a 10-kilometer run. Button talked of suffering the after effects of a bout of tonsillitis. Kay fell into the bosom of his celebrity wife Tess Daly. And none of the lawyers were eaten by other sharks…
