Sports Category
Sports news, commentary and scores with wit and added value. We compare and contrast the best and worst sports reporting in the mainstream press, blogs, TV and online. We love the English Premier League (Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs, Manchester United and Manchester City) and all things football but we cover cricket, rugby, the Olympics, tennis, golf, F1 and highlights of the sporting year.
Tour De France In Pictures: Lance Armstrong Achieves Napoleon’s Dream
THE Tour De France In Pictures: What Napoleon dreamt of the Tour de France accomplishes on a bicycle. The Tour of France has taken in Holland, Belgium, Spain, Italy and Great Britain. Chuck in a Russian leg and France wins with minimal bloodshed.
At the race, Radio Shack’s Lance Armstrong is ready. And Team Saxo Bank’s Fabian Cancellara of Switzerland wins Stage 1. He gets to meet the models, hold aloft the stuffed toy and flowers in a manly fashion and wear the famous Yellow Leaders Jersey in Rotterdam, France…
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Posted: 5th, July 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
Cristiano Ronaldo Baby Photos: Facebook, Wikipedia Spoon Feed Media
CRISTIANO Ronaldo has had a baby? Want to see pictures?
No, the baby is not what Ronaldo tells the woman in the chemists as he shops for wipes, private creams and nipple rub. He has an actual baby. And the mother is Russian model Irina Shayk. Or not.
All we know is that Ronaldo is a dad. We know this because someone called Ronaldo said on their Facebook page. And to corroborate the happy news, it says the same thing on Ronaldo’s Wikipedia page, too. Such are the facts.
Ronaldo doesn’t have an agent to do this for him? Ronaldo uses social media to publicise his life.
The media laps it up.
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Posted: 5th, July 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (5)
Police Discover World Cup Made Of Cocaine
POLICE in Colombia have seized a World Cup trophy made of 11 kilos of cocaine.
It was in a box headed for Madrid.
No, not England. And not Argentina.
Misery piled upon misery for Diego Maradona.
Those England World Cup Jokes In Words And Pictures
Posted: 4th, July 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
Ashley Cole’s World Cup ‘Sex Texts’ Shame Us All
ASHLEY Cole’s World Cup. The tabloids continue to berate Cole. In today’s instalment of Blame Cole, Mr Cheryl Cole “sends explicit messages to model just before kick off”.
So says the Sunday Mirror.
This is “COLE’S WORLD CUP TEXTS SHAME”.
Is it? Is he shamed? You wonder if Cole knows what shame is given that he’s been accused of shagging loadsa women while married to “nation’s sweetheart” Cheryl? And did he send the texts – you can lose your phone; just ask David Beckham?
Two-and-a-half hours before the opening clash with the USA – as Cole was preparing to play for his country – he was begging the blonde to send him “a real dirty” naked picture of herself.
Pray that she did it. As we know, Ashley’s lifestyle enabled him to win the Double with Chelsea and earn £100,000 a week. A dirty picture might have made it treble and his life even better.
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Posted: 4th, July 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (3)
Tiger Woods Gags Elin Nordegren: Pictures
TIGER Woods will pay his wife Elin Nordegren $100 million in a divorce settlement. For $100million you get a lot of silence, the right to the GRUBB – a Golf Club Emergency Hammer – and a course of antibiotics.
The rumours are that Erin is forbidden from writing a tell-all book. Which creates the delcious prospect of her doing just that and of good and noble Tiger suing the mother of his children for telling the truth.
And we know how much Tiger loves to gag his women…
Spotter: TMZ.
Posted: 3rd, July 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
Andy Murray Loses At Wimbledon And England’s Omen Brooklyn Beckham Was There (Pictures)
BLAME David Beckham and his son Brooklyn for Andy Murray’s Wimbledon defeat? Is Britain’s sports ambassador, Brooklyn Beckham’s dad, a bad Omen?
Beckham is the US-based ambassador working in Italy. He has a son. Just like in The Omen film… It’s just a silly theory, right? Brooklyn’s a lovely lad…
Let’s review the facts: Becks was stood by the England team bench at the World Cup. He was dressed as a pool hustler. England were dire. Beckham was at Wimbledon to watch Andy Murray.
Says Mark Reason in the Telegraph:
The moment that David Beckham settled behind Judy Murray like a huge albatross on the shoulder of British sport, the game was up.
“Come on Murray, come on the English,” screamed the crowd.
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Orlando Bloom And David Beckham Make Wimbledon After Scotland’s Andy Murray Watchable: Pictures
NO sooner has Andy Murray become as English as spite and tea, than he gets thrashed by Rafael Nadal in the Wimbledon semi-final. So. The tennis is over. Scotland’s Andy Murray can climb back in his sporran and take the high road back to Surrey-on-Tweed. Shorn of the patriotism, tennis fans turn once more to those other mainstays of Wimbledon: women’s knickers, Nadal’s arms, Katherine Jenkins giving full throat to the Royal Box and David Beckham standing on a gantry with Orlando Bloom. And you thought tennis was boring…
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Brazil’s Felipe Melo Is Holland’s Agent Orange: World Cup In Photos
WORLD Cup photos: Brazil’s Felipe Melo – Agent Orange, as the Dutch will call him – scores an own goal and gets sent off in the World Cup quarter final. And all is right in the world. The Dutch, the greatest side to have never won the World Cup are in the last four.
This is how you do it, England. You take a country with a population on a par with Scotland’s, players who ply their trade all over the world and form a team of steal and skill…
Posted: 2nd, July 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (6)
Conclusive Proof That Andy Murray Is English
ANDY Murray is now 81% British and 34% English. The Mirror calls Murray a “FLOWER OF ENGLAND” and says his roots lie south of the border.
Andy Murray’s maternal grandmother was born to English parents. Eileen Edney is as English as Ashley Cole’s knickers. Eileen is Judy Erskine’s mother. Judy is Andy Murray’s vein-popping tennis mum.
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Posted: 2nd, July 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (13)
Andy Murray Is The Sun’s English Lion At Wimbledon: Pictures
ANDY Murray is no longer Scottish. Andy Murray is from the Home Counties. Wimbledon is in the Home Counties. Andy Murray is the local boy making good.
Tom Wells has news for Sun readers in the non-Scottish edition:
HOME Counties tennis maestro Andy Murray lifted England’s sporting gloom last night as he stormed into the Wimbledon semi-finals.
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Posted: 1st, July 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (10)
Wimbledon In Pictures: Anna Kournikova Bounces Back
BECAUSE Wimbledon without Anna Kournikova is all pot plants and grunts without the pictures, the tennis show answered the service line judge’s moist prayers and invited Phwoarnikova to play at Wimbledon. Someone who watches women’s tennis in an institution or Girl Guides hut then wrote in and suggested that Anna should be in a twosome – or doubles team – with Martina Hingis. And so it was that women’s tennis looked interesting once more as Anna showed us that tennis is not all about waiting for Rafael Nadal to take his top off – just mostly…
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Did Mirror Journalist Simon Wright Orchestrate Joseph Pavlos’s England Changing Room Invasion?
NOT all the football hacks are writing about England’s failure in South Africa. Sunday Mirror journalist Simon Wright is passing the time between games at Cape Town Magistrates accused of orchestrating the incident in which England fan Pavlos Joseph, from Crystal Palace, London, found himself in the team dressing room after the dire England versus Algeria match. Pavlos was, as the story goes, looking for the toilet.
Brigadier Sally de Beer of the South African Police Service address the crowd:
“Simon Wright, 44, was arrested yesterday (Monday) morning at 8.25am at Cape Town international airport. He appeared in a World Cup court in Cape Town last night at 11pm. He was granted 3,000 rand bail and will appear again tomorrow morning (Wednesday) on charges of attempting to defeat the ends of justice.”
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Those England World Cup Jokes In Words And Pictures
ENGLAND are a joke. At the World Cup the lads showed the fans exactly what you get when a marketing department runs the England team – and the spoilt players believe their own hype. England are ridiculous. And they deserve to be laughed at:
* Osama bin Laden has just released a new TV message to prove he is still
alive. He said that the England Team performance on Saturday was completely
s**t. British intelligence have dismissed the claim, stating that the
message could have been recorded anytime in the last 44 years.
* Robert Green – The only man to leave Africa with out catching anything .
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Posted: 29th, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (14)
In Pictures: Tired England Rest Up Ready For Season Of Shagging Ahead
ENGLAND’S ‘tired” footballers returned to London’s Heathrow Airport, still exhausted from playing four games of football in three weeks while staying in a five-star compound in South Africa. Despite all that sight-seeing, eating and resting, the players were still knackered, creamed from a domestic season of shagging, texting and drinking.
Says one player:
“You’ve got no f***ing idea how hard it is to go from shagging in the nightclub toilets to endorsing a new breakfast cereal. It’s a real head-fuck – literally.”
Adds another:
“Once I had to go from a shag at Watford Gap service station car park to a Premier Inn in Poole, which is in fuc***g Dorsetshire, in two hours. And then I had to get back for a 5 o’clock kick-off because bloody Sky had moved the fixture and my wife was expecting me for a pre-match photoshoot with OK!. Is it any wonder I’m tired out? It’s a disgrace.”
Premier League fans should rest assured that the England players will now spend the rest of the summer resting up with the family in a top-end Mediterranean resort complex in readiness for the long season ahead of shagging, bitching, modelling, endorsing and more shagging…
Posted: 29th, June 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (16)
Did England Players Pretend To Be Germans As They Left South Africa: Pictures
THE technology has proven that England never were at the World Cup. The lionsmen, sorry, linesmen and the referee have looked over hours of tape and CCTV footage but there is no proof that England ever crossed the line. All we have is film of Germans scoring four goals. And it might have been many more.
And then there was a curious thing. Reports were that the England team were leaving a training camp in Rustenburg. So. We went there and we looked. And we saw a coach with the words “England” and “Playing the Pride and Glory” written on the side and what seemed to be a German flag emerging from the roof. Was this that famous German humour we’d heard so much about? Was this the German coach having a pop at England..?
Posted: 28th, June 2010 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
England Fans Riot In South Africa: Picture
ENGLAND are thrashed 4-1 by Germany in the World Cup. Technology is trying to locate the England team spirit. Jeremy Hunt, the Culture Secretary, says he’s looked but he can’t see any of that Hillsborough-style hooliganism. We can.
One of your writer’s routine jobs on the tabloids was to compile the list of “SHAME”, in which the English Disease would be chronicled in as much titillating detail as possible. So. We set about looking for football violence in South Africa. And we found some.
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Posted: 28th, June 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (6)
Fifa Use Technology To Find England On World Cup Pitch: Photos
MAURICIO Espinola and Jorge Larrionda were the FIFA linesman and the referee, respectively, at England’s World Cup match against the Germans. Thanks to them and technology England fell to their worst World cup defeat ever. Yes, readers, it could have been 4-2.
Or it might have been 15-2. Or 45-2. One Scots fans has reviewed the footage and estimates that it could have been 321-3. that tape is now with Alan Hansen.
As it was the England team went missing. And no-one can see them. Where were they?
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Daily Mail Salutes Black Shirts As Richard Littlejohn Mentions The War: World Cup Front Pages
ENGLAND beat Germany. The papers react. “Fritz All Over,” says the Star.
“You let your country down,” says the Sun.
And Richard Littlejohn tells Mail readers:
“If the few had defended as badly as England we’d all be speaking German now.”
Germany Thrash England At World Cup And It’s Fabio CRAP-ello: Pictures
Or as the Mail’s owner Lord Rothermere said as the fascists massed in Europe and the UK before the Second World War: “Hurrah for the Blackshirts!”
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Posted: 27th, June 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (6)
World Cup Over – Now For Hickstead: Come On, Nick Boulter
WORLD Cup over and England sports fans turn, as ever, to the Hickstead Horse Show. Yes, football fans, showjumping is the new football. England will rule supreme and put so many weeks of hurt into… Continues for four years. Look out for British rider Nicky Boulter, who cannot fail as he rides Estrella De V down the famous Derby Bankin in the manner of a Spitfire swooping down on the Red Baron’s Barbarians Mönchengladbach in the maw of Eurovision… Oooer. That looks nasty.
Germany Thrash England At World Cup And It’s Fabio CRAP-ello: Pictures
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Stan Collymore Blames World Cup Failure On ‘Jolly Old Pie Man’ James Corden
HURRAH for Steven Gerrard’s England who saw it as their patriotic duty to maintain the legend of 1966 and all that by playing abject football and allowing themselves to be soundly thrashed. Matthew Upson is now known as ‘Give It Up Son’, James Corden can be blamed by Stan Collymore on his Talk Sport show for being a “jolly old pie man” with his “big fat belly”.
And we give you five reasons why this World Cup was good for England:
1. The vuvuzelas drowned out the England supporters’ band
2. We can all go back to hating Ashley Cole
3. England are out nice and early so allowing true English football fans to enjoy the World Cup without James Corden and celebrity fanzzzz
4. Andy Murray is British
5. Big Brother can return to the front pages
And best of all – our WAGs can finally have a nice holiday…
Germany Thrash England At World Cup And It’s Fabio CRAP-ello: Pictures
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Posted: 27th, June 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (3)
Germany Thrash England At World Cup And It’s Fabio CRAP-ello: Pictures
AT the World Cup in South Africa, England were thrashed by the Germans in what is their worst ever World cup defeat.
On a brighter note, England ARE better than Slovenia, one of the top ten goat herding nations in Eastern Europe.
Today, Fabio Capello is Fabio CRAP-ello and 100% foreign…
Mauricio Espinosa Is England’s World Cup Villain
Posted: 27th, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (7)
Mauricio Espinosa Is England’s World Cup Villain
MAURICIO Espinosa disallowed Frank Lampard’s goal against the Germans. Espinosa is the ying to Tofik Bakhramov’s yang. It was Bjkhramov who, with the World Cup final between England and Germany tied at 2–2, and after 11 minutes of the first period of extra time, allowed Geoff Hurst’s goal.
We still don’t know for certain if the ball crossed the line. But the record books tell us it did.
Now we have Mauricio Espinosa, the Uruguayan linesman. Tablid conspiracy theorists will love this. A Russian gives the goal against the Germans. The Uruguayan says no goal against the English…
Still. England went on to be thrashed 4-1. There is not even the injustice to hang on to. But England ARE better than Slovenia – and what they don’t know about goat herding only the Albanians can teach them….
Posted: 27th, June 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (21)
World Cup Photos: England V Germany Hun And Busted
THE World Cup. It’s England v Germany. It’s big. And as the game goes on it gets bigger. Does it bring out the worst in you? As the goal is disallowed do you think good, EU enlightened thoughts about the Germans? Are you screaming at the telly?
The photos:
Posted: 27th, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (11)
World Cup: Germany Hun And Dusted Now For Argi Bargy
WORLD Cup: England v Germany is over. (Until next time.) And in readiness for should England play Argentina in the next round, the Sunday Express delivers on its front page:
“WE WILL NOT BE BULLIED”
David Cameroan talks tough with Obama over BP oil spill, and tells argentina: ‘Hands off our Flaklands’”
Der Spiegel adds:
“For British tabloids, a victory against Germany would be a double reason for celebration. After all, it would pave the way to the quarter finals against another ‘old enemy’, Argentina, who England fought against in the 1982 Falklands War.”
War. It’s never all over…
Posted: 27th, June 2010 | In: Reviews, Sports | Comment (1)
Germany V England: A News Blitz For World Cup Roar
GERMANY V England at the World Cup and the paper talk is of total war. It’s VSA Day:
Sunday Mirror: We’ll Make ROO Sorry”
Germans trash out boys in vicious verbal blitz…
News of The World (front page): It is…
“ALL-OUT ROAR!”
Sunday Telegraph: “No Kaiser, we’re ready this time”
Daily Star (front page): We’ll stuff the Germans”
Sunday People (front page): “CURSE WE CAN”
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