Sports Category
Sports news, commentary and scores with wit and added value. We compare and contrast the best and worst sports reporting in the mainstream press, blogs, TV and online. We love the English Premier League (Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs, Manchester United and Manchester City) and all things football but we cover cricket, rugby, the Olympics, tennis, golf, F1 and highlights of the sporting year.
Be Afraid Tabloider: German Interior Minister Is Watching England
GERMANY are playing England in the World Cup finals and Germany’s interior minister Thomas de Maiziere says the jingoism in the tabloid press is appalling.
As they say in the tabloids:
“Ven der German interior minister starts looking at England, you’d best worry.”
Says he:
“I don’t know who needs it, we definitely don’t. This is a thing of the past, doesn’t help in the present and future and we should just ignore it.”
Just because you’re losing. Just because you’re losing…
In any case, it’s not like the Germans are playing the Dutch. That really is nasty.
That jingoism in full:
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Posted: 26th, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment (1)
World Cup Hope Blog: USA V Ghana In Pictures
USA V Ghana At the World Cup – In Pictures. Landon Donovan, the player who sounds like a Oklahoma law firm, cancelled out Kevin-Prince Boateng’s opener. Yeah, Kev’s the one who sounds like he should be playing darts. Ghana were dressed as Bradford FC, which might not have helped. Bill Clinton and Barack Obama were both there… As was Asamoah Gyan. Ghana: 2. USA: 1. Hope lives…
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How Heroic Robert Green Saved England From Uruguay And Ghana (Pictures)
HAD Robert Green not fumbled the ball into the net against the USA, England would be playing Ghana and then Uruguay. As it is, he did. And England are playing Germany and, in all likelihood, Argentina. Hurrah for Robert Green. After the war with Germany, the war with Argentina gets to be relived in the tabloid press. And then – yes, this is all a big if – England will take on Spain or Portugal, thus allowing holidaymakers to take on the Waiters XI on the beaches of South Europe. Robert Green – a nation salutes you…
England V Germany In Pictures: A History Of World Cup Rivals
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Ronaldo’s Karma Sutra And Lady GaGa’s Orifice: Portugal V Brazil In Pictures
PORTUGAL V Brazil at the World Cup finals pitted the third best team in the world against the first. The game ended 0-0. But it was notable for four things. Firstly, the official Jabulani Adidas match ball sits on a plinth prior to kick off. Adidas wants you see it as an un-tampered work of art, rather than a plastic ball that bounces like silly putty. Secondly, Ronaldo attempted to sit on Gilberto’s head and expand the envelope of the karma sutra. Thirdly, Lucio tried to decapitate Ronaldo (picture 4). And fourthly, the most remarkable Brazilian babe in the stands was woman – think Lady GaGa: The Daycare Years – making the big sign of the orifice to the world. It really is all about Ronaldo…
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World Cup In Pictures: England Train For Germany
WORLD Cup Pictures: England train for Germany. Here are pictures of England’s Joe Cole, Wayne Rooney, John Terry et al during a training session at the Royal Bafokeng Sports Complex, Rustenburg, South Africa. Show it to your German pals. England plan to play rugby. Whisper it – they’ve been in South Africa too long. England have gone native…
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England’s World Cup War: Superior German Dummerweise (Pictures)
GERMANY V England at the World Cup – one day to go until the game and the papers are putting the war and fighting in context:
The Daily Mail leads with a picture of Coleen Rooney and news that we’re “counting on” her man. Counting on him to do what?
World Cup: England V Germany And The Media’s Bloodlust
Well, the Star leads with a picture of Coleen’s footballer, Wayne Rooney, wearing a tin hat and with his fists raised. This is “WAR” with the Germans and the Star seems to be encouraging Rooney to punch one of the Hun in the face.
But let’s be having no violenc:
Supt Richard James, who is leading the World Cup policing operation, said: “If you cheer your team on and behave yourself then you won’t hear from us. Certainly, if you become abusive and hostile and commit crimes or anti-social behaviour, then we will take strong action against you.”
England V Germany In Pictures: A History Of World Cup Rivals
But this is war. The papers and all that jingoism:
Telegraph: “England v Germany: Through the eyes of our children”
As England prepares to meet Germany, Thomas Kielinger says it’s time to lay the old stereotypes to rest.
Herr-Herr! Sorry. Hear-Hear!
Another newspaper topped this from its Mount Olymps [sic] of indignation. “HERR DRYER! – German legend Beckenbauer in new rant against ‘stupid’ England”.
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Posted: 26th, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (18)
In Pictures: Tyson Fury Beats John McDermott
TYSON Fury has a name for boxing. It’s nominative determinism with fists and snarl. Ok, his full name is Luke Tyson Fury, and Luke Fury makes him sound more like a 1958 comic book character than a 6ft 9in former bare-knuckle fighter who can smash your face in. Tyson Fury is the current English heavyweight champion. And we went to see him beat John McDermott at the English Heavyweight Title bout at Brentwood Leisure Centre, London. Nine months ago, Fury beat McDermott on points. Promoter Frank Maloney said it was “the most controversial decision since Henry Cooper was outpointed by Joe Bugner in 1971”. But then Frank Maloney also said this:
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World Cup: England V Germany And The Media’s Bloodlust
ENGLAND V Germany: The World Cup jingoism is being cranked up like a Spitfire’s propeller. Why do England feel so unsettled by the Germans? Is is because they have contested 11 major finals sicne 1966. Or is it because, although Britain and her allies won the war it was Germany that had the confidence to start them?
The cover of the Daily Star has Wayne Rooney with fists raised ready to fight. Only, if Wayne does punch a German, he will be sent off and Engand’s chances of victory lessened.
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Posted: 25th, June 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (9)
Wimbledon Day 5: Lleyton Hewitt’s Dimpled Haemorrhoid
WIMBLEDON in pictures: John Isner took days to defeat Nicolas Mahut and just 74 minutes to lose to Thiemo de Bakker at Wimbledon. This is how we like our tennis: fast and brutal. Tennis is not test cricket – it lacks the tea breaks and sledging. We also spotted the William sisters locking rackets and Lleyton Hewitt pulling a face like he’d bitten into a strawberry and discovered that it’s a dimpled haemorrhoid (picture 5)…
Andy Murray is 37% British.
Wimbledon In Pictures: Zombie John Isner Beats Living Dead Nicolas Mahut
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England V Germany: Pub Talk Special (Pictures)
ENGLAND v Germany in the World Cup: Do mention the war at the Empress pub in Cambridge. ahead of England’ s World Cup clash with Germany on Sunday. The boozer’s walls have been pained with slogans “poking fun” at the Germans. Well, not really. It’s more good old fashioned jingoism. Britain has won two world wars – but why, then, does England feel so inferior? Maybe it’s because the Germans have felt confident enough to start them? Gawd. The jingoism can be contagious. It’s only a game of football. Really… (After that a pictorial history of Germany v England.)
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World Cup: Germany Less German Than England And Other War News
TWO days to go until the Germans call on England in the World Cup und ve are gearing ups furhrer die contest… Gawd. It’s contagious. But before we strafe the passersby with imaginary ack-ack fire and sing about ten German bombers with arms outstretched, the Sun announces on its front page:
“GERMANS WORST AT PENALTIES”
Inside and:
“Das boots is on the other foot”
News is that during practice England have a higher success rate in scoring penalties than the Germans:
England: 80.6% scored
Germans: 79.3% scored
The Sun says:
“It means fans should not be too nervous” should the match go to penalties.
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Posted: 25th, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (2)
In Pictures: How Crystal Palace Helped Slovakia Beat Italy
WORLD Cup in Pictures: Italy are beaten by Slovakia. Italy, the holders of the World Cup, are out. This was the game when the World Cup erupted into life. Slovakia 3 – 2 Italy. Some of you might have been flicking over to watch the Zombie tennis – pictures so that here. Others wanted to see life and death.
Even the prosaic, moribund Adrian Chiles could not dampen the mood after that match. The linesman disallowed an Italy goal. The linesman is Darren Cann – he used to be a trainee at Crystal Palace. Yes, readers, Italy were beaten by Palace.
And, yes, readers – Fabio Capello is the last Italian in the World Cup. And right now, according to our swingometer, he’s 78% English…
Wimbledon In Pictures: Zombie John Isner Beats Living Dead Nicolas Mahut
EVENTUALLY the Wimbledon match between French onion bag Nicolas Mahut and zombie-like John Isner had to end. The nights are closing in. Match referee Mohamed Lahyani had booked a fortnight in Faliraki for mid-August. And, well, after while the shock of seeing two men playing tennis in the afterlife loses its thrill. Anyhow Isner won 70-68 in the fifth…
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Posted: 24th, June 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
Free Fabio Capello England World Cup Cards: FAB-io CRAP-ello
ENGLAND see off the might of Slovenia in the World Cup and finish second to the USA in their group. And Fabio Capello is more FAB-io than CRAP-ello. Today, the England coach is 72% English. Now for the Germans. The jingoism has begun and will be cranked up as Sunday’s game approaches. And do not panic! It’s not all been doom and gloom for England when they take on Germany.We’ve put together a pictorial history of encounters here.
For the next few days the media will be full of news about nothing. So. To save you the bother of wading through the speculation, opinion and counter-opinion, we’ve put together a handy menu of print-out-and-display cards that tell the world just what you think. We call it “FAB OR CRAP“…
Images: Michael Kritharis
CRAP-ello
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England V Germany In Pictures: A History Of World Cup Rivals
THE South Africa World Cup pits England against Germany…again. The jingoism will take in the World War I Christmas truce, when on 25 December 1914, British and German troops played a game of football in no-man’s land near Armentieres, France. (The Germans won 3-2.)
But you don’t need war to make the England v Germany game one to send a shiver down the spine. Yes, on May 14, 1938, in Berlin’s Olympic Stadium, England’s players gave the Nazi salute before a friendly game with Germany. (England won 6-3.)
But if you love the sport not the polemic, what about 1966, of course, with the late German equaliser to take it to 2-2 and extra time?
Or how about that brilliant Germany comeback in Mexico 1970, when Cup holders England were 2-0 up and lost 3-2?
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Posted: 24th, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (5)
World Cup: Germany Face England And Her Media War Machine – News Round-Up
WORLD Cup round-up: England have beaten the mighty Slovenia and in so doing set up a showdown with Germany. The media starts to remember the war:
Will the narrative get as bellicose as it did during the coverage of the Euro96 semi-final between England and Germany at Wembley? The Mirror led with a picture of England’s Paul Gascoigne and Stuart Pearce in Second World War soldier’s helmets.
North Korea’s World Cup Fans Are Chinese: NSFW
Inside, we read:
“There is a strange smell in Berlin and it’s not just their funny sausages, it’s the smell of fear.”
The leader told us:
“I am writing to you from the Editor’s office at Canary Wharf, London. Last night the Daily Mirror’s ambassador in Berlin handed the German government a final note stating that, unless we heard from them by 11 o’clock, a state of soccer war would exist between us”.
How times have changed:
Daily Star (front page): “JOB DONE – NOW FOR THE HUN”
Sun (front page): “HERR WE GO AGAIN”
It will bring back glorious – and agonising – memories of previous battles.
From Wapping to The Vancouver Sun, the jingoism is catching:
Haul out that Fawlty Towers DVD boxed set. They’re already referring to it as Germ warfare from Piccadilly Square to the Strand, from Kensington Gardens to the Marble Arch. Set the traps. It’s England-Germany.
The Mail hears a “war of words”. But do you. This from Joachim Low, the German coach:
‘I watched England’s matches. In the first two they were struggling but that’s quite normal, teams only pick up speed as they go through the tournament.
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Posted: 24th, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (16)
Wimbledon In Pictures: Day 3 – Nicolas Mahut And John Isner’s Zombie Tennis
AT Wimbledon, France’s Nicolas Mahut and USA’s John Isner played the longest match in Wimbledon history – the longest match in pro tennis history.
The umpire passed games 12-17 eating a plate of fish and chips and sipping a sweet chablis.
By game 39, seven people in the crowd had celebrated birthdays and two had died.
At game 65, your writer thought he saw Cliff Richard making ready to sing. But some salts, a restorative cigarette and the hallucinations stopped.
At game 100, we looked forward to the umpire saying “one-hun-drerrrrrd” in the manner of darts announcer. He failed. He may never get the chance again.
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Posted: 23rd, June 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
In Pictures: USA Make A Film Of Beating Algeria At World Cup
TEAM USA are through to the last 16 of the World Cup, having broken Algerian hearts not with a cruise missile, rather with a shot from Everton’s Landon Donovan.
North Korea’s World Cup Fans Are Chinese: NSFW
After the goal, Donovan talks of his life being on a “journey“. (The Journeyman footballer, indeed.) It is sentimental and cloying. You know you should snort with derision and hate it. But you just keep watching. Your hear strains of melancholic music, the oral equivalent of an adorably scruffy dog licking a plucky boy’s dirty face.
It is quintessentially American.
And we wondered what would occur should the US win the World Cup? And if the closing credits last longer than the match…
Posted: 23rd, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (5)
England V Slovenia In Pictures: World Cup Granny Killers And Capello’s Constipation
ENGLAND march on in the World Cup with win over mighty Slovenia and we have the pictures. That sicky you threw to get off works was worth it. One game at least to come. Time to kill another grandma and take another day off. Enjoy these great photos – and look out for Fabio Capello”s constipation being relieved in the dug out…
Tonight England are 100% FAB-io.
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Posted: 23rd, June 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
World Cup: England Beat Slovenia In Photos
ENGLAND Versus Slovenia at the 2010 World Cup in Pictures. Round-up to follow…
Today England are 90% FAB-io and 10% CRAP-ello.
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Posted: 23rd, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (8)
World Cup Pictures: Argentina Show England How It’s Done
WORLD Cup photos from June 22 matches – into the final 16 go Uruguay, South Korea, Mexico and Argentina. Do England deserve to be among them? On paper, yes – easily… But, then, if you read the French papers, they have sobering news:
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England V Slovenia World Cup Photos And News Round-Up: FAB-io Or CRAP-ello?
ENGLAND V Slovenia in the 2010 World Cup is huge. The nation is talking. Here are the pick of the news and views: featuring a druid; a curse; Steven Gerrard’s fear; FAB-io or CRAP-ello; Beckenbauer backs England; Wimbledon bans England; the WAG bag; and travel agents are traitors…
Sun (front page): “RECOVERY MASTERPLAN REVEALED”
The Sun offers perspective on a Budget
* Taxing time ahead for all
* Country must pull together
* Heskey could be on bench
This is Cornwall: “Curse of African witch doctor lifted from England squad by Cornish druid”
Ed Prynn, the Archdruid of Cornwall, says he has lifted the magical burden that was placed on the team in Cape Town — by an African witch doctor.
Says he:
“They will feel like a big black cloud has passed over and it will be a new beginning. People will probably think I’ve lost my marbles but when the bird landed on the goal during the Algeria game on Friday, it was like a red light telling me the team were in trouble. They were doomed…
“I will know if my spell has worked straight away on Wednesday and England will win – even if it’s a penalty shoot- out.”
Wirral News: “Calls to Merseyside police during England’s first World Cup game drop significantly compared to four years ago”
Too depressed to fight:
Merseyside Police recorded a 37.5% reduction in both emergency and non-emergency calls on Saturday June 12, when placed against the number received during England’s first match at the last World Cup…
No football-related arrests were made on the day of England’s match with the USA.
Telegraph: “England v Slovenia: fear of World Cup failure will spurs us on, says Steven Gerrard”
Says Steven Gerrard:
“The fear of not winning drives you on. The last thing you want is to go home in the group stages. We’ve come here to stay in this tournament to the end. It would be an absolute disaster for this group of players to go home after the group stages.
“We want more. We want a performance. The key is to try and live without fear. There is pressure and fear. You’re playing for England and you have massive support. It doesn’t help to go on to the pitch and play with that fear.
“You have to go on to the pitch and try and relax, be patient. The performance will come.”
Over in Wimbledon:
Wimbledon was refusing to relent on its World Cup ban on Wednesday despite fears fans could snub the event with England’s footballers in action.
Bolton News: “Travel firms hope England don’t make it”
The Co-operative Travel says that England’s last World Cup exit to Portugal on penalties led to a surge in holiday bookings.
Wayne, Fabio et al,
First off, you can count on us.
We will be out in more force and with more passion than any other set of fans will manage throughout the rest of this World Cup, let alone has managed in the tournament so far.
We will be roaring you on and, in the closed and tight atmosphere of the stadium, will be the first set of fans to properly vanquish the vuvuzelas with our voices. The stadium, which will of course be a sea of white and red, will be shaking.
Some of the fans last time booed and, while we didn’t personally join in, we can see why. But to use a rather cheesy line, it really is only because we care. A lot.
In any case though, that is all behind us. When we arrive at the stadium, we will be positive, in good spirit and 100 per cent behind you. And noisy. Very, very noisy.
If we showed our frustration last Friday, it was also because we know how much better than that performance you are. We know you have the talent and the passion to make us proud and we still believe you will. While the game frustrated us, it has not diminished our belief in that ability.
This game is where the world cup starts proper and, as we were described by the team in Euro96, we fully intend to be a twelfth player. You can count on us.
See you out there.
Reason to be cheerful if England lose:
*. “Our boys” can’t possibly look as ridiculous as the French.
Tesco’s Wag Bag, is a bag-for-life designed by Alex Curran and decorated with lipstick kisses and words of encouragement from the wives and girlfriends of the England squad. It’s a limited edition, although by teatime today they could discover they manufactured rather too many of them. The message from Emile Heskey’s fiancee Chantelle Tagoe – “Best of luck fella’s! We’ve got it in the bag (smiley face)” – is typical of those featured on this curiosity of tomorrow. Will future generations wonder why we chose to print something so transient, meaningless and poorly punctuated on a bag that is, after all, meant to last a lifetime? I’m glad I won’t be around to explain it.
Beckenbauer (above), who branded England’s style of play at the World Cup as “kick and rush”, said: “Most of the bigger nations who are struggling will go through to the last 16 and improve as the tournament progresses.
“One of the teams I’ve criticised might go on to be champions. Spain, England and Germany are having difficulties.”
Can’t fail!
The Star says all the omens suggest England will win today: “We’re wearing red, we’re on the BBC, we always beat ’em and we’re not France!”
Ready – it ‘s FAB-io or CRAP-ello:
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England V Australia Cricket In Great Photos: We Win Again
WHILE you were watching England winless wonders at the world cup, England’s cricket team were thrashing the Australians. At the First one-day international at the Rose Bowl: England 268-6 (46 ovs) beat Australia 267-7 (50 ovs) by four wickets. England’s winning show featured a magnificent unbeaten century from Eoin Morgan. It’s brewing up to a rich summer of sport. Although not for Australia – shame, eh…
England’s World Cup In Pictures: John Terry Slapped Down
AFTER John Terry’s grandstanding and divisive bid to be England’s player–manager – picking the team on the availability of players’ wives and girlfriends, allegedly? – another press conference. We looked on as England manager Fabio Capello and Steven Gerrard made their entrance during the press conference at the Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium, Port Elizabeth.
In Pictures: Origins Of Vuvuzela Discovered (NSFW)
Capello: “I’m focused on tomorrow’s game. The players trained very well this morning. The game tomorrow is really very important, it’s not about what one player has talked about.”
Stitch that, JT!
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Posted: 22nd, June 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
Fight At England World Cup Training Camp: Pictures
AT the England World Cup training camp Joe Cole has Wayne Rooney in a head lock. A fight? Well, no. just spot of high jinx. But signs of fight are encouraging. After John Terry’s ego made its pitch to be England’s player-manager – yep, this is open and honest John Terry the one who tried to take a gagging injunction on the News of the World – the former skipper spent a part of this morning trying to kick himself in the head (picture 2). Frank Lampard spent much of the morning smiling. As did the rest of them…
Pictures: Vanessa Perroncel (John Terry’s Alleged Lover)
John Terry’s Dirty Play Gets A Red Card: Media Delights
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Posted: 22nd, June 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (5)
