Sports Category
Sports news, commentary and scores with wit and added value. We compare and contrast the best and worst sports reporting in the mainstream press, blogs, TV and online. We love the English Premier League (Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs, Manchester United and Manchester City) and all things football but we cover cricket, rugby, the Olympics, tennis, golf, F1 and highlights of the sporting year.
For Sale: Sir Geoff Hurst’s World Cup Winning Short With Added Breasts
SIR Geoff Hurst’s 1966 World Cup Final football shirt is on sale at Harrod’s for 2,350,000.
Harrod’s has a new owner.
Sir Geoff remains the stuff of Jimmy Greaves’ waking ‘mares.
And we hard back to time when pecs were something you gave your lover in the back row of the flicks and men had proper bosoms…
England World Cup Fans Targeted By African Scammers: Says HMRC, DVLA And Royal Mail
ENGLAND fans heading to the World cup need to have their wits about them – and, if possible, a small army of protection officers, a sword and a few quid to bribe Spanish and Russians. A communiqué from the Identity Fraud Communications Awareness Group (a ragtag group of public and private sector bodies) tells footy fans to watch out for scammers.
Says Neil Munroe, spokesman for the Identity Fraud Communications Awareness Group (or is he?)
“While news headlines have focused on the risk of violence for anyone heading to South Africa, we are urging consumers to be aware of the potential fraud scams which might give them a financial hangover when they get back. Unfortunately, football fans will stand out from the crowd, making them an easy target for criminals. However, with a little extra vigilance we still believe people can enjoy the trip of a lifetime and avoid becoming victims of fraud.”
The golden rule is to protect your data.
Members of the Identity Fraud Communications Awareness Group include:
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Australia Cricket Wins World Bukkake Championships: England Settle For Twenty:20 Series
ENGLAND cricketers end 35 years of hurt by taking the huge cardboard cheque in the Twenty:20 and the Australians – the losers – react with typical good grace. Reader Yampster is looking Down Under:
Following the humiliating defeat of Australia in the final of the World Twenty/20 series, the Sydney Morning Herald chooses to lead with an Australian win in the Ladies Team Bukkake championships.
Ashes to splashes!
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Posted: 18th, May 2010 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
In Pictures: England Win The World Cup And A Big Cardboard Cheque
ENGLAND’S cricketers have ended the 35-years of hurt for a one-day World Cup victory. Granted this one was for the Twenty20 over game, where the cardboard cheque is bigger than the cup and the anthems outlast the innings. But a win is a win. Look out for the open-topped bus ride through London, the sticker collection, the official flags to stick on your white vans and winning team duvet cover. In all, it was a glorious seven-wicket defeat of Australia. And that can be no bad thing. Here is the pick of the photos:
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Posted: 17th, May 2010 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Lord Triesman Shafted By Melissa Jacobs In No Sex Tape
SO. What next for Melissa Jacobs, the flame-haired woman who undid Lord Triesman, now former chairman of the FA? No, not that Melissa Jacobs, the Penthouse Pet porn starlet. Triesman was never that lucky. These aren’t sex tapes. But Triesman did get shafted.
This Jacobs hails from Hillingdon, worked as a civil servant, and is now on Max Clifford’s speed dial.
Over dinner, she recoded her and Dave Triesman’s little chats. His vanity was exposed. She then played the tapes to the tabloids. Triesman revealed that he thinks players are thick and foreigners are duplicitous coves with greasy palms.
Anorak’s in-house Russian, Olga Anorakova, says she might be able to get England’s bid on track but needs a better car to drive in Moscow, a decent place to stay and an Hermes Birkin bag.
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Posted: 17th, May 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (4)
Monaco Grand Prix: Bernie Ecclestone, Jennifer Lopez And Marc Anthony Create The Picture Of The Year
THE best picture of the Monaco Grand Prix is not of Mark Weber, the race winner, stood in a huge Jacuzzi with a champer’s cork in his mouth. The best picture is not of ‘The Brand” Lewis Hamilton in a tight top. The best picture is not of the Sugababes inhaling petrol fumes. The best picture is of President and CEO of Formula One Bernie Ecclestone with R’n’B star Pharrell Williams, singer Jennifer Lopez and husband Marc Anthony in the paddock. In one shot Bernie, who often looks like an action figure, seemingly trying an impression of Norman Wisdom sidling up to his paramour. J-Lo’s head will turn and fail to spot Bernie, who will be left puckering up to thin air.
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Of course, Mr Ecclestone is happily married and very much in love with his wife. Our reverie is the product of only our mind and based on no facts whatsoever. (That do, ed?)
Update: Ashley Cole, Lucy Phillips’ Gents Watch And Cheryl Cole’s Support Network
ASHLEY Cole and the blonde toilet girl update: The blonde called Lucy is Lucy Phillips, 26, and Ashley “charmed Lucy into the gents toilets before they kissed according to a friend”. It was May 2, and Cheryl and Ashley were estanged. The Sunday Mirror has the scoop.
To recap – Ashley Cole is the six-times FA Cup winner, the only player to win the Double with two clubs (great pics) and one of England’s few World Cup champions. He also managed to pull Cheryl Cole. (Hurrah!) On the other hand, he’s an alleged love rat. (Boo!)
Back to Lucy and her being, reportedly, “charmed” by Ashley Cole. And what is more charming than a gent’s toilet at a club called Swanky? Answer: Ashley Cole.
Lucy wrote on Facebook:
“Just seen Ashley Cole in a toilet cubicle, how random, what a midget.”
The story then becomes a bit disjointed:
Lucy said: “I was walking past the guys’ toilets when I saw a big group of blokes gathered round. I looked in and saw Ashley Cole holding court, and I went in.”
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Posted: 16th, May 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (4)
In Photos: Amir Khan Beats Paulie Malignaggi
AMIR Khan did what was expected at Madison Square Garden, New York. Khan defended his WBA Light-Welterweight Title successfully, winning on a technical knockout against local boy Paulie Malignaggi in the 1th round. Before the fight, the talk was of the weigh–in being a new sport. And Handbags might yet debut on Sky sports 3. The real fight was in the ring, with Khan excusing poise and power. The boys gonna be huge…
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In Pictures: Ashley Cole In A ‘Loo’ With Lucy At The Double
ASHLEY Cole wins the FA Cup and League double with Chelsea (great pics) – the first player to do so with two clubs (he played for Arsenal; a relationship that could have killed him); and win 6 FA Cup winner’s medals – and the Sunday Mirror cheers the great player, one of the few genuinely world-class players in England’s World Cup team with:
“ASHLEY & BLONDE IN A LOO”
If being with a blonde in a loo helps England to win the World Cup, we say get the blondes in the loos now. Get the loos to Cape Town pronto – these girls need to acclimatise.
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The FA Cup Final In Pictures: Fans, Kids And Chelsea V Portsmouth
THE FA Cup Final in pictures, featuring John Terry’s Chelsea Blue against David James’s Portsmouth FC (o.n.o.). We’ve got lots of pictures of the fans – if you were there, check them out for your face in the crowd – and pictures of the match. At the end, we’ll have pictures of the players’ kids using the old cup as a potty, and pictures the wives and lovers getting on the telly to launch their media careers.
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Posted: 15th, May 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (3)
Amir Kahn Grapples With Paulie Malignaggi’s Apple Catchers: Pictures
IN the Hugo Boss tight briefs, Amir Khan. In the massive, oversized apple catchers and headband, Mr Paulie Malignaggi. Anorak once had a friend called Paul whose mum called him Pauli Wallie. Understandably, tensions were running high as Khan and Pauli Wallie weighed in at Essex House, New York, in readiness for the WBA Light-welterweight championship. Amir Khan will be defending his title. Pauli’s best chance of winning is if Kahn gets entangled in his shorts. It can happen…
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David Beckham To Host 2018 World Cup
ENGLAND wants to stage the 2018 World Cup. But a late bid has just come in. Sky News reports: “Beckham makes bid to hosts World Cup 2018.”
Well, why not. He’s got a big garden and his wife’s got tickets.
Says one soccer fan:
“It’s the kind of cutting edge marketing that will end years of hurt.”
Posted: 14th, May 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
John Terry’s Dad Pleads Guilty To Dealing Cocaine
NEWS of John Terry’s dad, Edward Terry. We spotted him leaving Basildon Magistrates Court in Essex, apparently disguised a Tory MP.
Inside, he had pleaded guilty today to dealing cocaine. Terry senior admitted supplying cocaine to a News of the World journalist. No – ho-ho – not for her personal use. Hacks are straight and clean, it says here.
No, he sold the drug for £160 to an undercover reporter called as Dan Sanderson in a wine bar in Chafford Hundred in November last year. He is bailed to return in June.
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Posted: 13th, May 2010 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
The Karma Sutra Of Sport: A Gallery Of Sexual Athleticism
HAVING brought you Karma Sutra On Ice, otherwise known as the Olympic figure skating contest, we have scoured the web to deliver the Karma Sutra of Sport.
Posted: 12th, May 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
Cheryl Cole, Lionel Messi And Maradonna’s Hookers
LIONEL Messi, the Barcelona and Argentinian footballer, tells Cheryl Cole that his countrymen “know how to treat their women”.
Yeah, “their women”. Says the Sun:
“If she is looking for a new nation to follow at the World Cup, she should look no further than Argentina. We play the prettiest football, have the prettiest players, and Argentinian men also know how to treat their women.”
In other news, the Daily Star alleged:
MARRIED footballer Carlos Tevez romped with a former Playboy model before turning his attentions to a glamour girl, it has been claimed. The Man City ace is said to have enjoyed trysts with sexy Vanessa Carbone behind his wife’s back, following them up with an affair with model Mariana Paesani.
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Posted: 12th, May 2010 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Prize: Win A Manchester City Shirt Signed By The Whole Tem
ANORAK has teamed up with Umbro to offer you a chance to in a Man City home shirt – signed by the whole team. One day this will be a cultural artefact. Enter here.
Posted: 11th, May 2010 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
John Terry’s Mid-Season Break And Ashley Cole’s Extra Training Win Title For Chelsea
JOHN Terry and Ashley Cole win the Premier League with the boys from Chelsea FC (Grosvenor House or bust! NSFW) and all thoughts of natual justice are correct.
It turns out that allegedly cheating on Cheryl Cole (NSFW) – the “nations’ sweetheart” – does not make you a loser. It makes you a winner. And that a winter breaks with the kids and the wife (but not her) in Dubai is just the ticket.
Tiger Woods, The ‘Vulnerable’ Coudriet And Schooled In Jaimee Grubbs
HOLD the back page, the front page, the back page, the pages in Holes (one of the world’s leading golf contact mags!) and know that Tiger Woods did not sleep with 120 women. No. The Enquirer claims the number is 121. And he putted them all while married to Elin.
Inside, and the headline goes:
“TIGER CONFESSES TO 120 AFFAIRS”.
Which means that instead of looking at the bulk, we wonder about the missing one. She’s called Raychel Coudriet. And news is that he will not “admit” to shagging the then 21-year-old.
The Enquirer says she was a “vulnerable school-age daughter” of his neighbour in Orlando, Florida.
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Posted: 5th, May 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (3)
Beth Tweddle Wins Gold At European Championships 2010: Pictures
FORGET the football. Bring on the gymnastics! To the women’s European Championships 2010 at the National Indoor Arena. Gymnastics is one of those sports where children are better than the adults. Great Britain’s Beth Tweddle won gold on the floor. The Olympics loom and Tweddle is on top form. Can she win on the floor in London 2012. Can you win on the sofa?
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Tiger Woods Cheated On Elin With 120 Women? Pictures
TIGER Woods and the women: Let Oprah have the first Rielle Hunter interview! The National Enquirer’s moved on to an even bigger story of extramarital extremity.
The tab’s reporting that part of the sexaholic rehab process Tiger underwent in Mississippi involved writing down each and every woman with whom he’d had an affair during his marriage.
The total came to 120 names.
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Posted: 30th, April 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (8)
Roy Hodgson Wins Prime Minister’s Debate: Fulham Rejoices In Pictures
NICK Clegg, David Cameron, Gordon Brown – your efforts took one helluva beating. Roy Hodgson takes Fulham to the final of the Europa League.
London Marathon Pictures: Princess Beatrice, No Drugs Tests And
A LIFETIME into the BBC’s televised London Marathon and Sue Barker is trailing the Badminton Horse Trials. This is how telly used to be before the BBC closed down with a burst of the National Anthem: patrician, patronising and prosaic.
As for the runners, there are few things more boring that watching people run around, unless they are puking their guts out from both ends under Tower Bridge, pulling off their toenails along with their running shoes or a celebrity.
Here’s a question: are celebrities drugs tested before and after they run the Marathon? Do you get tested for testosterone on the course? And where do you get testosterone from: a friend; the Goucho Club; toilet seats?
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Posted: 25th, April 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (11)
Dundee United And Other Stupid People
ARE you a big Dundee United? A BBC2 documentary about Lagos, Nigeria. And a chance to learn that Dundee United is a term of abuse. Dundee United means an idiotic person. Dundee United fans agree?
Posted: 25th, April 2010 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Liverpool Take The Train To Madrid: Pictures
THE Eyjafjallajokull Volcano has news celebrity victim: Steven Gerard and his Liverpool team. We spotted Liverpool’s Steven Gerard boarding a train at Runcorn Station, Cheshire. Liverpool are travelling by train, coach and plane to reach Madrid in time for their Europa League match on Thursday. Yep, public transport for Liverpool. Still, not all bad – they took along a waiter…
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Posted: 20th, April 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (4)
Premier League In Pictures: Manchester City Fans Yank Man United’s Chain
MANCHESTER United now have a derby match that further reduces Liverpool in stature. They have Manchester City. They have Manchester City to beat in the dying embers of the match. We took our camera to the city of Manchester Stadium and spotted the fans. And Paul Scholes the goals. On a brighter note, City have tons of cash and can buy a new team next season. The Premier League work like this: the team with the most money wins. Man City to win it next season. Unless Chelsea spend more money than them. Or Liverpool do… Footy!
