Sports Category
Sports news, commentary and scores with wit and added value. We compare and contrast the best and worst sports reporting in the mainstream press, blogs, TV and online. We love the English Premier League (Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs, Manchester United and Manchester City) and all things football but we cover cricket, rugby, the Olympics, tennis, golf, F1 and highlights of the sporting year.
Rule Buttannia Jen Button: Now For The M25
RULE Buttannia! Jenson Button wins. Now for the big one. Now for the M25. You want to drive about in circles? We British invented driving about in circles…
David Beckham Wins A NoBo (Nobel Obama)
TO honour David Beckham being named man of the match by ITV panellist Steve Bruce – Becks palyed for 30 minutes and was outshone by two goals from Peter Crouch – he gets an Anorak NoBo.
A NoBo is an award for some one who talked a good game and dreamed of doing good things.
As England coach Fabio Capello says:
“It was like Obama getting the Nobel Peace Prize after eight months as president. He gets the man of the match after 30 minutes here.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 15th, October 2009 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Australian Cricketers Define Overcompensation
OVERCOMPENSATION defined – Australia celebrate winning the ICC Champions Final at the Centurion Stadium, Centurion, South Africa. Look at all that shiny gold, those gold trousers, that golden hair and that big important cup. Wow!
And then look at England’s dull little urn of Ashes… Well done, Oz. Well done.
Ryan Giggs Denies Fig Roll Theory
THE secret of Manchester United’s spinning top winger Ryan Giggs’ longevity is a fig roll as half time. Or not:
Last night a club source said: “A lot of the players used to have Jaffa Cakes for their half-time energy fix, but that’s all changed now. Many have switched to fig rolls. Our team of nutritionists and dieticians have identified them as the perfect interval snack for footballers. They are high in carbohydrates, low in fat and the lads love the taste of them. They’re perfect for football.”
I can only wonder at what magick or horror occurs if Giggs eats a fig roll and a Jaffa Cake? And if the world of football is ready for the Jaffa roll or fig cake?
Here’s Giggsy:
How does he account for his sporting longevity? “Yoga,” he says, a little surprisingly.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 5th, October 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (3)
Rafa Benitez And Liverpool FC Present Strictly Come Dancing
RAFA Benitez and Liverpool football club present Strictly Come Dancing – Anorak’s look at manager’s moving in the Premier League, with Sam Aladyce (Blackburn Ballroomers), Harry Redknapp (Tottenham Hotsteps), Carlo Ancelotti (Chelse Cha-Chas) and Phil Brown (Hull Hoofers)…
Manchester United Only Need 94 Minutes Against Sunderland, In Pictures
IT only took 94 minutes for Manchester United to take something from their game against Sunderland at Old Trafford. Against Man City they needed 98.
Ferdinand scored the equaliser to secure a 2-2 draw in the 94th minute of the game.
That’s Sunderland’s Anton Ferdinand, younger brother to United captain Rio Ferdinand.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 3rd, October 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (2)
Phil Brown And Hull City Present Strictly Come Premier League
THOSE Premier League managers – lovely movers to a man: up; down; out the door.
Anorak begins its regular look at Strictly Come Managing, this week’s football manager dance contest.
Posted: 26th, September 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment
More England Aces Attacked In Jagielka Raid
“ENGLAND ACE IN KNIFE-RAID TERROR,” screams the Daily Mirror’s front-page headline.
Yeah, it’s…
Phil Jagielka, who has played in two friendlies for England.
By the same token these players are also”ace”:
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 25th, September 2009 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Video Of IFK Gothenburg’s Goalkeeper Kim Christensen Moving Goalposts
KIM Christensen, IFK Gothenburg’s Danish goalkeeper, is accused of making the goal smaller by moving the goalposts for his side’s match against Örebro in the Allsvenskan league.
Christensen, who has been reported to the Swedish Football Association’s disciplinary board, explins:
“I got the tip from a goalkeeping friend a few years ago, and since then I have done it from time to time.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 24th, September 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment
Manchester United Fan Given Excuse To Hit Craig Bellamy
CRIME of the day in the Sun, where “Police have launched a probe into a claim footie ace Craig Bellamy confronted a fan on the pitch.”
Neither Bellamy nor the fan have complained to the police. But because it’s a high-profile event involving celebrity footballers, the police issue a statement:
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 21st, September 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
How Manchester United Beat Manchester City In 97 Minutes And Eight Seconds
MANCHESTER United defeat Manchester City 4-3 and the media reacts to Michael Owen’s goal in the 96th minute of match that runs for 90 minutes with 4 minutes of added time:
The Old Trafford Time Zone
* Fergie’s mythical magical stopwatch still reigns supreme at Old Trafford. As the four minutes of stoppage time originally signaled by the fourth assistant came and went, the question, ‘HOW much added time are they playing?’ in the MirrorFootball office was answered – prophetically, as it happened – by one resident Man United fan: ‘As much as it takes’ – Mirror
Play To The Whistle
* City manager Mark Hughes was seeking an explanation from referee Martin Atkinson as Owen’s goal came five minutes and 26 seconds into four minutes of added time” – Reuters
* “I have not had a word with the referee yet but the the fourth official (Alan Wiley) tried to give me an explanation of sorts as I was questioning the amount of time added on even before the game finished,” said [Mark] Hughes. His explanation did not sit comfortably with me. He said a minute plus had been added because of our celebration. We scored on 90 minutes, the board was already up for four minutes, so Mr Wiley said he was going to add that minute on.
“The amount of time from when we scored to when we kicked-off was something like 45 seconds. He has got that wrong as well. It was 95 minutes 26 seconds.
“Obviously he has played too much time and we ended up playing 97 minutes. I just needed an explanation as to why so much time was needed. United were given a little more time than they should have been given to get the goal… It would be nice to get an explanation but I don’t think I will” – BBC
The Timeline
* This probably won’t make it , but here is an explanation of the 6 minutes of added time:
From re-winding the Match, Craig Bellamy scored City’s 3rd on 89:55. The game does not restart until 91:01. One minute and six seconds have been wasted and will be added onto the original four minutes of added time, taking it to at least 95:06. Michael Carrick was brought on to replace Anderson. All substitutions add 30 seconds onto added time, taking it to 95: 36
Owen scored the winner on 95:28, meaning the game was still 8 seconds within added time – Football 365
The Pictures
Posted: 20th, September 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (2)
Jerzy Janowicz Grows In Stature, Literally, And Andy Murray’s Team GB Loses Davis Cup Standing
GREAT Britain have been relegated to Group II of the Davis Cup’s Europe/Africa Zone after being beaten by Poland, despite Andy Murray’s win over Jerzy Janowicz, the man who grew up on court – literally:
Jerzy Janowicz stands 6ft 6in – Guardian
Polish No 1 Jerzy Janowicz… 6ft 7in – Mail
6ft 8in Jerzy Janowicz – Sun
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 20th, September 2009 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Picture Perfect England Beat Australia
NO Photoshop – A view of England playing Australia during the seventh NatWest Series One Day International at the Riverside, Durham.
Posted: 20th, September 2009 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Serena Williams Victim Of US Open Conspiracy, Deep F***ing Throat
SERENA Williams is the victim of a conspiracy at the US Open in what Anorak is calling Deep Fucking Throat.
We join the action as the US Open title-holder is 6-4, 6-5 and 15-30 down. A foot-fault penalty is called against her on her second serve setting up match point for the Belgian, Kim Clijsters. The woman on the grassy knoll says “foot fault“.
Williams goes bonkers. She is soon to be disqualified.
Says Serena Williams to the line judge:
“If I could, I would take this fucking ball and shove it down your fucking throat.”
Later overheard adding:
“I never said I would kill you, are you serious?”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 13th, September 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (3)
England WAGs Orgy In South Africa, In Pictures
WORLD Cup Watch: “FAB CAP SLAP SEX BAN ON WAGS” screams the Sun from its front page. “FAB BANS WAGS,” nods the Mirror fron its.
FAB is Fabio Capello, the one who will be the tabloids’ Fabio Crapello should England fail in South Africa. But with passage to the World Cup finals secured, attention turns to the WAGs, the lads’ cheerbleeders who will show Cape Town shopkkepers what a swarm of locusts really looks like.
Capllo says the tournament is not a “holiday“, warning the WAGs:
“If you don’t like it, don’t come… I hope this period that we are at the World Cup will be very long.The players will have one day with their family, with the girls and friends. It will be one day a week, after each game and that is enough. That’s it.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 11th, September 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment
Caster Semenya Has ‘Internal Testes’ And ‘No Womb’
CASTER Semenya is the man? Caster Semenya has both male and female organs, so reports the Sun? Fact: the 18 year old winner of the 800m at the World Athletics Championships is a man. Well, possibly a fact.
Semenya has no womb or ovaries, says the claim. Caster Semenya has internal testes.
An IAAF source is quoted thus:
“There certainly is evidence now that Semenya is a hermaphrodite. But the trouble is the IAAF now have the whole ANC and the whole of South Africa on their backs. Everything is going to have to be done absolutely by the book, no question of a challenge to our findings.”
Which is why the source has just told the international media about the latest findings, to do it by the book?
But let’s not bee too hard on this humble book keeper. The Athletics South Africa (ASA) is defending its athlete to an extent that it stuck her in a dress, made up her face and sat her on the cover of YOU magazine, a local gossip mag, her new hair-do beside the headline:
“WOW! LOOK AT CASTE NOW”
So we look. And Caster Semenya looks like the one who played the bass for Cool And The Gang. Caster Semenya is beign paraded for our perusal. She is not being her own woman, or man. She is being controlled. Says YOU:
“Athletics star Caster Semenya as you’ve never seen her before – transformed by YOU from powergirl to glamour girl.”
No longer a woman, Caster Semenya is now a girl. Any more branding and she’ll be a toddler scampering around a tack trying to escape a voracious foreign press as she seeks comfort in the bosom of daddy Jacob Zuma and loving arms of Mother South Africa.
Says Caster Semenya in YOU:
“I’d like to dress up more often and wear dresses but I never get the chance. I’d also like to learn to do my own make-up… I’ve never bought my own clothes – my mum buys them for me. But now that I know what I can look like, I’d like to dress like this more often.”
Well, she is a champions, and with gold comes geld. And the WAGs.
Meanwhile, while Caster goes shopping, the man at the IAAF is still talking:
There’s all sorts of scans you do. This is why it’s complicated.
What d’yer mean complicated? YOU has put her in a dress and turned her into a girl. Easy. Move on.
In the past you used to do a gynaecological exam, blood test, chromosome test, whatever. That’s why the findings were challenged, because it’s not quite so simple. So what they do now is they do everything, and then they can say look, not only has she got this, she’s got that and the other. The problem for us is to avoid it being an issue now which is very personal: of the organs being a hermaphrodite, of not being a ‘real’ woman. It’s very dramatic.”
No, it’s a person. And if Cater Semenya is not a woman, the matter is not why she wanted to run but why was she ever allowed to travel to Berlin to compete in the first place?
Posted: 10th, September 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (9)
England WAGs Caster Semenya Make Over, In Pictures
England WAGs Caster Semenya Make Over, In Pictures
UPDATE: Caster Semenya Has ‘Internal Testes’ And ‘No Womb’
IT was always going to take something huge to push war and Katie Price off the tabloids’ front page, and last night it happened: England qualified for the World Cup finals in South Africa.
Newspapers rejoice. Next summer will be a halcyon time when the news comes to you every day and after a period of 90 minutes plus injury time, full of key facts, exotic names and hate figures.
And there are the WAGS, who we will follow from the moment they pop a boiled sweet into mouths at 30,000ft, through the shops and into the stands to gossip on phones and ask each other what the score is. And watch out for Victoria Beckham’s Caster Semenya makeover.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 10th, September 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment
Amazon Sells Manchester United Paedophile Song
ON Amazon’s MP3 store footy fans can buy a version of Manchester United “paedophile” chant- the one those United fans obsessed with sex with children sing when the Red Devils take on Arsene Wenger’s Arsenal.
As Ollie says on Pies:
You can – at time of posting – buy an album of Man Utd chants at Amazon’s MP3 store. Track four lasts 30 seconds and goes something like this:
“Sit down you paedopile, sit down you paedophile!
Sit down you paedopile, sit down you paedophile!
Sit down you paedopile, sit down you paedophile!
Sit down you paedopile, sit down you paedophile!
Sit down you paedopile, sit down you paedophile!
Sit down you paedopile, sit down you paedophile!”
Read the rest of this entry »
Woman Run Over By Welsh Rugby Team On A Lawn Mower Speaks Out
EMMA Winch is recovering at home in Bridgend, after being run over by a metal lawn mower operated by the Merthyr Mower Men at Aberaeron Rugby Club.
Miss Winch had been due to play for Pontyclun at the sevens tournament when 21 men from the Merthyr area riding on a “pit” lawn mower ran over her and her tent.
Dyfed-Powys Police arrested all 21 men, and then released them on bail.
Miss Winch, who was sharing a tent with two teammates, tells the story:
“I thought someone had jumped on it (the tent). The girls got out of the tent to call for help and they saw someone running off. I held my head and there was a huge lump there straight away. One of the girls thought I had broken my nose. My face was quite numb so I couldn’t really feel much. I wasn’t sure where it hit me.
“I was very shocked and I started shaking. I kind of stopped the roller with my head.”
So whodunnit? Says Miss Winch:
“I just think it is one of those stupid things that people do.”
…at rugby clubs.
The mower Men of Merthyr Youth Team have been dismissed from the competition.
It’s a serious business, no mere tale for the rugby club showers and dinner dance as Ch Insp Robin Mason from Dyfed-Powys Police explains:
“Unfortunately there were some people in the tent and a young lady received head injuries as a result of the roller coming into her.”
Into her. They rolled the mower into her? If anything good comes from this, it is surely a new rugby club song.
Posted: 30th, August 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (5)
Islamist Makes Threat To Kill Jose Mourinho
THE Sun leads by asking politicians “Don’t you know there’s a bloody war on?”, while the Star keeps things local: “Muslims: we’ll kill Mourinho.”
The war on terror needs a bit of football to spice it up, so here’s the Star keeping it real, and relevant:
FOOTBALL boss Jose Mourinho is living in fear after Muslim nuts threatened to kill him. He is a target for Islamic fundamentalists after blaming a poor display by one of his players on his fasting for Ramadan.
Says Mourinho:
“Muntari had some problems related to Ramadan, perhaps with this heat it’s not good for him to be doing this fasting.”
The player is midfielder Sulley Muntari, the former Portsmouth FC star who used to ply his trade in Israel.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 28th, August 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (5)
West Ham And Millwall Fight Over Strictly Come Dancing
TROUBLE at the West Ham United v. Millwall game. Who will win Strictly Come Dancing?
Posted: 26th, August 2009 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Caster Semenya Scores Three Times Normal Testosterone Levels
MORE news on is she / isn’t she runner Caster Semenya who has testosterone level three times higher than those normally expected in a female sample.
Anorak, meanwhile calls for Berlino the Bear to be tested for human traits. The big brown bear was everywhere at the times, a tireless athlete putting in the yard yards whether it be javelin, 200 meters or what. Is Berlino a man? A woman? A man standing on woman’s shoulders?
Much to debate.
But the press pack ignores the obvious and focuses on a teenage South African. Will she appear in Nuts or Sensible Shoes Monthly?
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 25th, August 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (4)
West Ham’s Calum Davenport And Mother Stabbed At Home
WEST Ham United footballer Calum Davenport and his mother are both in a “serious condition” in hospital after being stabbed at their home in Bedford, Bedfordshire.
You think this has nothing to do with his being a footballer?
Davenport, 26, is undergoing surgery on both legs.
Posted: 22nd, August 2009 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
The Ashes: Andy Flintoff Puts Australian Barstaff On High Alert
THE Ashes might yet be England’s. London’s austrlian barstaff haare getting the drinks ready for the celebrations. But not yet, Freddie. Not yet…
The Ashes In Pictures: A Brief History Of Smoking, Drinking And Cricket
Freddie Flintoff’s Package Tour Cruise – Cricket World Cup
Tim Blair is getting them in…
Posted: 22nd, August 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
Caster Semenya Is The Man?
ATHLETICZZzzzzz has been enlivened by South African Caster Semenya, favourite to win the women’s 800m at the World Athletics Championships and facing accusations that she is a man.
Semenya. Is this suspicion rooted in nominative determinism, where a person’s makeup is shaped by their name? Semen-ya.
There would be an easy way to tell. Female athletes wear bikini briefs. But Semanya sports an elongated Bermuda brief. Is that bulge muscle, a handkerchief stuffed into a pocket or is she dressing to left or to the right?
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 19th, August 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (17)
