Sports Category
Sports news, commentary and scores with wit and added value. We compare and contrast the best and worst sports reporting in the mainstream press, blogs, TV and online. We love the English Premier League (Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs, Manchester United and Manchester City) and all things football but we cover cricket, rugby, the Olympics, tennis, golf, F1 and highlights of the sporting year.
Manchester City Scout At World Snail Championships
AS Manchester City buy Emmanuel Adebayor form Arsenal – and the club’s fans wait for the new owners to keep buying until they realise that a team does not need eleven new players for every match – Anorak was at the World Snail Racing Championships in Congham Church Fete, near Kings Lynn, Norfolk.
The annual event attracted around 250 entrants, with pole journeying from as far as Malawi.
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Richard Gasquet’s Cocaine Excuse Blows Martina Hingis
RICHARD Gasquet plays tennis for more then two weeks a year and, thus, as a professional is banned from taking cocaine – he tested positive for in May and was duly banned from the game for two years.
But now that crime has been expunged and Gasquet has blown back. Get this:
“…the Tribunal accepted Mr Gasquet’s plea of No Significant Fault or Negligence, on the basis that he was able to demonstrate on the balance of probabilities how the cocaine entered his system (through inadvertent contamination in a nightclub the night before his scheduled match).”
Do you see? Gasquet kissed a girl in a Miami nightclub who happened to have cocaine on her lips.
Unlucky indeed that Gasquet should then be tested for drugs and the kiss be potent enough to trigger a positive result.
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Posted: 17th, July 2009 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Jonathan Trott Catches Ed Joyce In His Trousers
SUSSEX batsman Ed Joyce is caught out at short leg by Jonathan Trott’s trouser pocket:
Danica Patrick’s Tattoo At ESPY Awards
TO the annual ESPY Awards in which US sports channel ESPN puts the media at the centre of sporting excellence, bestowing awards to people who spend their lives collecting awards in an actual competition, featuring Danica Patrick (Vrmmm), Shawn Johnson (yer honour), Mike Tyson (Grrr), Michael Phelps (who, me?) and the Williams sisters (Wahhhhhhmph!)
No awards yet for Fittest Sportsman, Best Branded Merchandise or Sexiest Tennis Grunt, but awards are given for such Corinthian criteria as Best Sports Movie and Best Female/Male Action Sports Athlete, a reaction to all those inactive sports.
Anorak was at the event, and we have the pictures at the tape:
Harold Stafford Jailed For Golf Rage
HAROLD Stafford, 54, arrives at Luton Crown court in Luton Bedfordshire to be sent down for nine months for hitting another player around the head with an eight iron in a case of ‘golf rage’.
Can golf yet be the summer sport of choice for Britons?
Celebrity Swine Flu With Micah Richards
IN today’s Celebrity Swine Flu bulletin, Sky News reports that England and Manchester City footballer Micah Richards is on trend.
Says Micah from Cyrus:
“At first I thought it was a really bad chest infection, or maybe alcohol poisoning. I felt so weak I couldn’t move or eat.”
Alcohol poisoning is so 1990s. Sine fever is all:
“When I was told I had swine flu all sorts of things started going through my mind. You see on the news people dying of it.”
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Ashes WAG Lara Bingle’s Twitter Gallery
WITH the Ashes on paid-for telly, and no longer on the national BBC, the cricket has been reduced to the status of a minority sport, less important than the mixed doubles final at Wimbledon, but on a par with Premier League football.
To given you an idea of what you’ve been missing. Anorak has looked to the players’ boxes and happened upon the blonde Lara Bingle, lover to Australian whippersnapper Michael Clarke.
News of her on “yer pal” David ‘Bumble’ Lloyd’s Twitter page. And pictures:
The Ashes In Pictures: A Brief History Of Smoking, Drinking And Cricket
THE Ashes are underway and with it goes a rich history of England- Australian rivalry, smoking and drinking. Anorak presents a brief history of The Ashes in pictures:
1963 – The two captains, England’s Ted Dexter and Australia’s Richie Benaud, share out the champagne in the dressing room after England won the second Ashes test by seven wickets
29-NOV-94 … England Ashes Tour Of Australia … Shane Warne gets a soaking with beer by team mates
Australia’s Dennis Lillee bowling – 75
Australia’s Don Bradman makes his way back to the pavilion through crowds of well-wishers after helping his team to victory with an unbeaten 173 on the final day. Australia set a new test record (which stood until 1975) by scoring 404 in their second innings to win the game – 1948
Australia’s Mark Waugh, left, Ian Healy and Mark Taylor celebrate its Ashes win over England
Australia’s victorious cricketers celebrate after winning the sixth and final Cornhill Test, and the series, at the Oval. From left; Terry Alderman, Tim May, Merv Hughes and Tom Moody – 1989
England team group: (back row, l-r) George Hirst, Arthur Lilley, Bill Lockwood, Len Braund, Wilfred Rhodes, Johnny Tyldesley; (front row, l-r) CB Fry, Stanley Jackson, Archie MacLaren, Ranji, Gilbert Jessop – 1902
England captain Freddie Brown celebrates victory in the final test, his team’s only win in the whole Ashes series – 1951
England win the fourth test and regain the Ashes. A spectator protects himself from the sun during the match – 1933
(L-R) England’s Alan Knott and Australia’s Alan Turner look on as Michael Angelow, the first streaker to intrude upon the field of play at Lord’s, hurdles the stumps at the non-striker’s end – 1975
England’s Fred Trueman toasts victory with a pint of bitter and a cigarette after compiling match figures of 11 wickets for 88 runs
England’s Geoff Boycott (r) shakes hands with a fan in a gorilla suit who decided to go for a stroll on the pitch during the last day of the fifth test – 1981
England’s Geoff Boycott celebrates victory on the balcony at Trent Bridge with a glass of champagne – in a sherry glass
England’s Ian Botham enjoys a pint of beer on the balcony at Edgbaston after helping England beat Australia by 29 runs to take a 2-1 lead in the Ashes – 1981
England’s Jim Laker (l), who took nine wickets for 37 in the first innings, celebrates his performance with captain Peter May (r) – 1956
(L-R) England’s Richard Ellison and David Gower celebrate winning the Fifth Test with a tipple or two – 1985
Fizzy shampoo for England’s victorious captain, David Gower – holding a replica of the Ashes trophy – 1995
Phil Tufnell celebrates at the end with a bottle of Champagne and a cigarette
The England team that toured Australia: (back row, l-r) Arthur Lilley, Albert Knight, Arthur Fielder, Ted Arnold, Albert Relf, Len Braund; (middle row, l-r) Johnny Tyldesley, RE Foster, Pelham Warner, George Hirst, Bernard Bosanquet, Thomas Hayward; (front row, l-r) Bert Strudwick, Wilfred Rhodes
Michael Vaughan’s Ashes
MICHAEL Vaughan was captain of England when they won the ashes. What;s he been up to this time round?
Let’s take a look:
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Posted: 9th, July 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (3)
Raffaella Fico Dating Christiano Ronaldo: Gallery
THIS is Raffaella Fico, the 21-year-old model rumoured to be dating Cristiano Ronaldo.
This is the same Raffaella Fico who starred in Italy’s Big Brother and told Chi magazine that he wanted to sell her virginity for 1million euros. Real Madrid saved up and went with Ronaldo, but Man City do have money to burn.
Said Fico:
“I don’t know what it’s like to have sex… If I don’t like him I’ll just have a glass of wine and forget about it.”
So she was a virgin, maybe she sill is. How can you tell? Why, ask her brother, of course:
“She’s never had a boyfriend. I swear on my mother’s grave. She’s a devout Catholic and prays to Padre Pio every night.”
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Posted: 7th, July 2009 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Australian Rugby League Player Admits Shitting In Hotel Corridor
NATE Myles is an Australian rugby league star with the Sydney Roosters who is very sorry for defecating in the corridor of Crowne Plaza Terrigal.
Myles says it was all “a terrible accident” caused by a stomach bug. He and the chaps had been out until 4am pressing palms and signing autographs. Says he:
“I am just very embarrassed and very sorry. I had been asleep for about four hours and I got up to go to the toilet. It was dark and I was a bit dazed. The door to the toilet was right next to the entry door and I went through the wrong one. The door locked behind me and I was stranded.”
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Posted: 6th, July 2009 | In: Photojournalism, Sports | Comments (5)
Will John Terry Move To Manchester To Be With Mark Hughes?
DID you know that John Terry and Mark Hughes stayed in the same Dubai hotel complex last week?
The Sun does. Anorak, though, is not one given to salacious rumour and gossip. If John and Mark want to holiday together then so be it. We live in broad-minded times.
As the pair bask in the 110 degree skin rash of a Dubai summer, waiting for some respite from the sun as a cloud of builder’s dust or a phalanx of gawping Indian labourers bring welcome shade, the Sun wonders if long distance relationships can work?
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Cricket Umpire Killed By Ball
CRICKET is a game fraught with danger. Cricket umpire Alcwyn Jenkins has died after being hit on the head by a ball.
Alcwyn Jenkins, 72, was umpiring a league match between Swansea and Llangennech at the St Helen’s ground in Swansea on Saturday.
The widower, from Skewen near Neath, was struck on the head by a ball thrown by a fielder and was airlifted to hospital but failed to recover.
First they killed the spectator.
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Posted: 5th, July 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (5)
Five Reasons Why Andy Murray Failed At Wimbledon
MURRAY Mount is routed by Andy Roddick. Andy Murray’s Wimblwdon bid is over. Where did it go wrong? Anorak delivers our Top Five Reasons Why Andy Murray Failed At Wimbledon:
Kipling Test
The doyennes of the All England Club failed to introduce their much-vaunted Kipling Test – can Roger Federer recite all the verses he passes on the walk from changing room to court?
The Blonde
With her long blonde hair, longer legs and over-sized sunglasses Andy Murray’s girlfriend is the ultimate in court-side chic. So says the Mail, which gives a heads up to cameramen looking to fill those frequent breaks in play and moments before and after a big point with a hot of a blonde. Kim Sears fits the bill. And if she can keep Murray lean and hungry his hope can only be increased.
Fail: She became slightly tanned and displyed brown-ish roots.
Murray Maniacs
The Murray Maniacs are a chippier, less HRT-fed lot than the Henmanics, Tim Henman’s band of sectioned supporters. But they do have one advantage: less letters means lee T-shirts and less time spent organising people to stand in line to spell out their hero’s name when the valuable minutes could be spent chanting. Murr-eeee fits neatly with the Timm-eeee call, but Anorak suggests a twist and shortening Murray to Muzz, so creating the Muzz Buzz, a slow hissing fizz that at moments of tension causes Federer to believe he is under attack from angry wasps.
Fail: Murray becgan to swat balls like a Highland walker swatting midges. Muzzzzzz.
The System
The failed introduction of the esoteric Duckworth Lewis System that made one-day cricket a lottery. With just a few games played, the onset of rain or failing light could see Federer needing to win 17 games in a row inside 34 minutes.
Fail: See roof
Scotland Expects
Hiring the Scottish football team to Train Murray, thus ensuring the Muzz never hits a ball into the net no matter how hard he tries.
Fail: Tained by Graham Taylor and so beaten by the Americans.
Posted: 4th, July 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (4)
Global Warming Ruins Wimbledon
GLOBAL warming – or summer, as it used to be called – has ruined Wimbledon.
The abscence of Great British ballboys placing down copies of Nuts magazine to pull a tarpaulin sheet across Centre Court and a muted Cliff Richard – the acoustics with the roof shut are not nearly good enough for such a champion of the summer sport – plus the errie spectre of a British player proves that not all change is necessary.
Anorak recalls when tennis was a decent sport played by a decent sort.
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Posted: 3rd, July 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (4)
Barack Obama Gives Arsenal Football Team Talk
OBAMA Balls: In today’s instalment of Anorak’s occasional look at Barack Obama in the news, we cock an ear to the Arsenal Football Club’s changing rooms and hear the US President giving a team talk:
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Rio Ferdinand Models Manchester United’s New Kit: Pictures
FOLLOWING those pictures (NSFW) of Newcastle United’s motivational kit, Pies brings pictures of Rio Ferdinand and Wayne Rooney modelling Manchester United’s uniform, those tops that will be worn in Suffolk pubs this summer:
Posted: 24th, June 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (3)
Newcastle United Kits Models Taylor And Beye To Leave Club
AS Pies reports, there is now place left to run for Newcastle United’s kit models Habib Beye and Steven Taylor and both could leave the club this summer, possibly under a blanket.
Anything is better than wearing that kit for a season. And Taylor with his orangey skin, and all.
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Kim Sears As Andy Murray Mounts
TO Murray Mount, formerly Henman Hill, Wade’s Wall, Perry’s Peak and Cliff’s Cliff and news from Wimbledon that Murray’s doubles’ partner Kim Sears (more nominative determinism, folks!) is sending “temperatures soaring further in sexy shades and shorts”.
From our vantage point, we can see the 21-year-old “wow onlookers in a pair of tiny denim hotpants”.
Phwoarty love!
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Posted: 24th, June 2009 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Boy Wears Ice-Cream At Brazil V Italy Match
FINDING the blonde in the crowd is the aim of every cameraman at a football match. But what’s this? Why, it’s a charming shot of a young flame-haired lad enjoying his ice-cream at the Italy v Brazil match. This is how Gazza started…
National Kick a Ginger Day Replaced By Kill A Kenny Day
Is It Cos I Is Ginger? Sarah Prinner Sees Red
Cristiano Ronaldo Tells All About Night With Paris Hilton
IN “Ron: I had a ball with Paris”, Sun readers learn of Cristiano Ronaldo, for it is he, and Paris Hilton, for it ever she, and, “Winker spills the beans on hotel tryst.”
Pictures in summer attire of hot pants and boob tube, Ronaldo beckons us inwards and whispers into Gordon Smart’s ear:
“She was a really cool girl and we had a great time talking.”
So, Gordon, what did he say?
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Soccersexual Cristiano Ronaldo’s Hotel Date Tells All
THE British media’s fascination with Cristiano Ronaldo shows no sign of abating as the Sun features “TWO girls” who “dirty danced” for the Real Madrid w*nker.
ALLISON AIMEE, 26, and SUZANNE COPPIN, 32, flirted with the footie ace in his hotel bar.
They then went back to his room — and left at 4am as he was snogging a THIRD girl on the sofa.
So rather than talking with the thirtysomething who now carries a trophy-sized smudge of Touche Eclat on her top lip, the Sun cops an eyeful of Allison on LA’s Venice Beach, who opines:
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Five Ways Andy Murray Can Win Wimbledon
WITH Rafael Nadal out and Cliff Richard muted by the rain-proof roof over Wimbledon’s Centre Court, Andy Murray is edging closer to the Wimbledon title, this nation’s first since Harvey Templeton-Peck won it on horseback in 1786.
But what can we do to help Murray win the day? It’s pretty clear that what stands between Murray and a chance to introduce the ballgirls to the Dukd of Kent is Roger Federer, all flicky hair and too-close together eyes of Swiss precision.
Anorak delivers our Top Five Tips for Murray Success.
Kipling Test
The doyennes of the All England Club can introduce their much-vaunted Kipling Test – can Roger Federer recite all the verses he passes on the walk from changing room to court? If he can’t he’s out. It’s all about standards, dear boy.
The Blonde
With her long blonde hair, longer legs and over-sized sunglasses Andy Murray’s girlfriend is the ultimate in court-side chic. So says the Mail, which gives a heads up to cameramen looking to fill those frequent breaks in play and moments before and after a big point with a hot of a blonde. Kim Sears fits the bill. And if she can keep Murray lean and hungry his hope can only be increased.
Murray Maniacs
The Murray Maniacs are a chippier, less HRT-fed lot than the Henmanics, Tim Henman’s band of sectioned supporters. But they do have one advantage: less letters means lee T-shirts and less time spent organising people to stand in line to spell out their hero’s name when the valuable minutes could be spent chanting. Murr-eeee fits neatly with the Timm-eeee call, but Anorak suggests a twist and shortening Murray to Muzz, so creating the Muzz Buzz, a slow hissing fizz that at moments of tension causes Federer to believe he is under attack from angry wasps.
The System
The introduction of the esoteric Duckworth Lewis System has made one-day cricket a lottery. With just a few games played, the onset of rain or failing light could see Federer needing to win 17 games in a row inside 34 minutes.
Scotland Expects
Hiring the Scottish football team to Train Murray, thus ensuring the Muzz never hits a ball into the net no matter how hard he tries.
Come on, Murray!
Posted: 20th, June 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment (1)
Sir Allen Standford To Present The Apprentice
WITH one Sir Alan gone, Sir Allen Standford is due to presnt The Apprentice. But wait. The cricket entrepreneu has been charged with seven counts of wire fraud, ten counts of mail fraud and conspiracy to launder money.
Sir Allen Stanford is undone. But where was he found by the FBI?
a) In Chris Lewis’s cricket bag?
b) Under a travel rug in the second row of the Pavilion stand at Kent’s St Lawrence Ground?
c) In Shoaib Akhtar’s box?
d) Virginia
e) Under the skirts of England’s players’ wives
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Sir Allen Stanford Arrested
TEXAN billionaire and cricket ball buff Sir Allen Stanford has been arrested on criminal charges.
Was the soon to be the leading SurrAllen found..:
a) In Chris Lewis’s cricket bag?
b) Under a travel rug in the second row of the Pavilion stand at Kent’s St Lawrence Ground?
c) In Shoaib Akhtar’s box?
d) Virginia
e) Under the skirts of England’s players’ wives
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