Swedish Bus Drivers Drink Drive On Swine Flu Soap

THE bus traffic in the Swedish city of Ostersund has been seriously interrupted due to the excessive use of alcohol-based hand sanitizer among the bus drivers.

Vapors from the sanitizer are triggering the ignition lock designed to prevent drunk driving. The sanitizers are wide sped in Sweden following the swine flu scare.

Anorak

Posted: 1st, October 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Afghan Girl Killed By RAF Leaflet Drop

NEWS from the war on terror is that a young Afghan girl walking in Helmand province, Afghanistan, has been killed by a box of public information leaflets dropped from an RAF aircraft.

The Ministry of Defence says the box did not break apart in mid air but fell to the ground intact. It hit the girl. She was take to a hospital in Kandahar where she died.

Anorak

Posted: 30th, September 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)

China Creates Dwarves Only Town

IN China, a community/Lilliput/Newman/pantomime of dwarves (what’s the correct group term?) has created its own village to escape prejudice from non-dwarves.

In the mountains of Kunming, southern China, all 120 residents are under 4ft 3ins tall. There is a little police force and a little fire brigade, with little fire trucks and little fires and little firemen’s poles made from drinking straws.

The Oompa Loompa of Dwarves that escaped starring tallers live in mushroom houses and dress like fairy tale characters.

Hey, little people are not people too they are just waiting for a sequel to Time Bandits.

“As small people we are used to being pushed around and exploited by big people. But here there aren’t any big people and everything we do is for us,” says spokesman Fu Tien.

Apart from the big people who come to stare and throw bird seed…

Spotter: Austria Times

Anorak

Posted: 30th, September 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Police Hunt 81 Stolen Canaries

IN Hampshire, thieves have stolen 81 canaries. They escaped on two bicycles.

Can canaries sing? Can the thieves risk one them getting away and squealing to the cops?

The canaries were taken from Andrew and Janet Self’s home in Arnheim Drive, Lordswood.

Anorak

Posted: 29th, September 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comments (3)

Gordon Brown Embraces Cheryl Bradley’s 20 Stone Ass

CHERYL Bradley has a backside that weighs 20 stone. And – yes – it is in proportion to the rest of her. Cheryl weighs 38 stone.

In Closer, Cheryl shows us her 10ft “elephant bum”. Cheryl’s backside earns her 80,000 a year, keeping the rest of her in buns. Says she:

“I was mocked because of my size, but now I’m having the last laugh – all thanks to my beautiful elephant ass.”

Elephants might well complain of prejudice. Where is their money? Where is their feature in Closer magazine? If you want to see huge elephantine arse, find an elephant and ask it to give you a twirl.

Cheryl has five children – Dimmy, Brent, Monika, Aaron and Portia.

Anorak

Posted: 29th, September 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Goat-Kid Monster Born In Maboleni Zimbabwe

A MONSTER has been born in Zimbabwe. No, not Mugabe – a real monster that’s part goat, part man, so they say.

Goat-Kid was born in Maboleni. Goat-Kid has a living pink head and the face of a disfigured baby, one that they say looked like a goat. Got-Kid had a tail, kinked legs and a shoulders like a small child’s.

So the locals burnt it.

Local Governor Jason Machaya kicks over the embers:

“A grown man was responsible for this.”

A vet suggests hydrocephalus, aka water on the brain.

But it’s a monster. It has to be. Or viral marketing for a new Britney Spears sex tape.

Anorak

Posted: 29th, September 2009 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment (1)

G20 Sneeze Fetishist Arrested For Attacking Woman With Pepper Spray

TO Commerce, Texas, where a local man is accused of blowing a white powdery substance in the face of a female shop assistant at Commerce Hardware and Feed.

Says Commerce Police Chief Kerry Crews.

“In my entire career I’ve never heard of anything like this. I’ve checked with my detectives and they haven’t heard of anything like it either.”

“We found out he’s got a problem. He becomes aroused by females sneezing.”

The powder turned out to be white pepper.

The shop worker is duly rushed to hospital suffering from an irritated throat and arm, leading to the sneeze fetishist being charged with aggravated assault causing serious bodily injury.

Leading to a snort of derision all round.

Meanwhile, weird men who like to dress up in paramilitaty garb and do battle with weird men who like to sniff scarves are inhaling pepper spray on the streets.

Had only our pervert man gone to the G20 summit as a copper, he’d have remained free and aroused…

Anorak

Posted: 28th, September 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment

China Bans Pigeons

IN readiness for the celebrations to mark 60 years of communist rule in China, it is decreed that all pigeons remain in their birdcages on October 1.

Pigeons are not part of the communist manifesto, which is a shame because pigeons are ever passing judgement on western heroes, as any one who has seen Admiral Nelson’s white Mao suit or the state of the Royal Balcony after a fly past can attest.

Anorak

Posted: 27th, September 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Dog Owners Defecate On Pets

DOG owners carry those plastic bags to fill with their waste matter, then to hang them from bushes like a new urban fruit…

Anorak

Posted: 26th, September 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)

Judge Excuses Paedophiles With Ruling On Oral Sex With Young Cows

IN Burlington County, USA, a Superior Court judge has dismissed animal-cruelty charges against Moorestown police officer Robert Melia Jr, accused of sticking his penis into the mouths of five calves.

Judge James J. Morley says a grand jury couldn’t decide whether the cows had been “tormented” or “puzzled“.

Adding:

“If the cow had the cognitive ability to form thought and speak, would it say, ‘Where’s the milk? I’m not getting any milk. They [children] enjoy the act of suckling. Cows may be of a different disposition.”

The judge seems to have walked into paedo-sized elephant trap. But he has point – can a human being think like an animal, in this instance, a calf?
Burlington County Assistant County Prosecutor Kevin Morgan is, however, sure:

“I think any reasonable juror could infer that a man’s penis in the mouth of a calf is torment. It’s a crime against nature.”

He says the owner of the cows is “very upset” over the incident. Judge Morley replies:

“I’m not saying it’s OK. This is a legal question for me. It’s not a question of morals. It’s not a question of hygiene. It’s not a question of how people should conduct themselves.”

And the paedo problem? Well, the accused:

He and former girlfriend, Heather Lewis, of Pemberton Township, are also accused of sexually assaulting three young girls over a five-year period, sometimes in Melia’s Cottage Avenue home in Moorestown, where he was a patrolman, authorities said.

Oh, brave new world…

Anorak

Posted: 25th, September 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comments (3)

Scuba Diving In The Grüner See Field

TO the Grüner See (Green Lake) in Upper Styria, Austria. Mind the pick-er-nick tables:

Anorak

Posted: 25th, September 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Pregnant Woman Julia Grovenburg Falls Pregant

PREGNANT Julia Grovenburg has fallen pregnant while carrying a baby.

When Grovenburg, from Arkansas, went for a routine ultrasound in June 2009, with husband Todd, doctors spotted baby Jillian in mum’s womb. And they then spotted a second  baby, Hudson.

Anorak

Posted: 24th, September 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Dating Site Asks Lonely Hearts To Spell Raped

IF you were signing up to a dating website, having plucked up the courage to join, planning to tell the truth about yourself – yep, even use your own picture – how would you respond to being asked to spell “RAPED”?

If you answer a) Favourably, then know that you’re being watched. They watch everything…

Anorak

Posted: 24th, September 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Wal-Mart Masturbator Arrested, Picture Gallery

HECTOR Castro, 82, of Hasbrouck Heights, New Jersey is alleged to have masturbated while frotting female customers in a Wal-Mart store check-out line. Castro has been arrested and charged with lewdness.

Castro may be doing what Castro does – he has form as a sex offender. But what of the Wal-Mart Effect?

What his defence will be can only be guessed at, but we wonder what part the Wal-Mart ambience played in his alleged perversion?

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, September 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Woman Finds Six Inch Blade In Buttocks Four Months After Mugging

CONTINUING our occasional look at things inside people that you wouldn’t normally expect to find there, we receive this X-Ray of Ying Shi’s buttocks, which house a six-inch blade left there by a mugger some four months pervious.

Ying tells us:

“All I remember of the night was a stabbing pain in my backside. I thought they had just slashed me, I didn’t realise the whole blade had gone all the way in.”

Four months after the knifing, Ying went to hospital in Shanghai, complaining of stabbing pains.

Says she:

“I am amazed they missed it the first time around but very relieved that they’ve found it now.”

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, September 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Gilbert the Bournemouth Whale Is A Washed Up Has Been

THE whale of Bournemouth is dead. Gilbert is no more doing wonders for the area’s tourism. The playful northern bottlenose was to be the region’s symbol, her little face on cards, sticks of rock and brochures.

Call the pall bearers. Blow away the pall of whale air that hangs over the beaches.

Gilbert: a life in headlines:

Gilbert the whale ‘looking good’ – BBC, September 17

Gilbert the whale dead on beach – BBC, September 22

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, September 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comments (3)

Freeway The M25 Tortoise Arrested

THE tortoise speeding on the M23 slip road off the M25 in Surrey has been arrested by John Formby, who has pulled over to hard shoulder and picked up the shell-backed hitchhiker.

“So I pulled over, put my hazard lights on and ran 400 yards down the hard shoulder. Some other cars were coming up and a couple went round the tortoise. Two cars and a van drove straight over it, straddling it, but it didn’t go back into its shell.

“By the time I’d run back, it had got into the slow lane. I ran out picked it up and put it into the foot well of my car.”

And sped off.

Upon inspection, a vet discovered the tortoise was micro-chipped in the USA.

That’s right, dear reader, the tortoise, nicknamed Freeway, and so forever tortured by the moment of his undoing, had plodded on for thousands of miles, heading steadily onwards, committed to his mission to raise money for his favourite charity or just for the challenge, was curtailed by a well-intentioned motorist.

Anorak

Posted: 19th, September 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comments (2)

Malaysia Spanks Muslim Couple For Trying To Have Sex In A Car

WITH one billion Muslims on the planet, and many more under your beds (Daily Express readers can cut out today’s coupon and send off for TWO Islamicists and a discount to OK!), there is always going to be a tale of brutality and maiming.

And today we get news that an Islamic court has ordered an unmarried couple to be caned for trying to have sex in a car.

This we learn is “the latest of a series of harsh punishments for Muslims in Malaysia.”

Anorak

Posted: 18th, September 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment

A Chicken Walks Into A KFC Every Day For A Year

A CHICKEN walks into the KFC on Indiana Avenue, Jackson, Mississippi.

A game of chiken? And what’s the chicken called? Heather Mills? No. Feather Mills? Ho-ho. No. Feather Quills? No. Enough already.

The chicken, let’s call it Popcorn, has been casing this branch of KFC nearly every day for the last few years.

Read the rest of this entry »

Anorak

Posted: 18th, September 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)

Loch Ness Gollum Monster Washes Up In Panama: Pictures

NO sharks in the seas this summer, but the long wait for a tabloid monster is over  – Gollum Ness is discovered languishing on rock in Panama, where, as is alleged has it, local children on their way to a kebab shop beat it to death. As reported:

According to reports in Panama, the teenagers spotted the creature crawling out of a cave while playing in the town of Cerro Azul north of Panama City. Fearing for the safety as it moved towards them, the youths claim they attacked the beast with sticks before throwing its lifeless body into a pool of water.

And then? And then.. And then it went missing.

Anorak

Posted: 17th, September 2009 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comments (8)

China Athlete Speared By Javelin, Pictures

IN Guilin, Southern China, athlete Jian Liao has been speared by a javelin, through knee. To remove the piece of sports equipment, fire fighters set the javelin alight.

Liao, laydees and germs is a human kebab. The London Olympics has much to prove if Chain is to beaten in terms of raw athletic showmanship.

Liao is now much recovered and is keen to enter the thee-legged race a solo competitor…

As ever, much controversy in athletics.

Anorak

Posted: 17th, September 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comments (2)

Woman Divorces Husband For Using Cooking Pots To Poo In

IN Nigeria, Oluwakemi Ogundele tells the Igando Customary Court in Lagos that her husband, Oluwafemi will not would not stop defecating in the family’s cooking pots.

She wants a divorce.

This is how you do it, Katie Price. You bring in the pots. Leave out talk of the genital size and running out of sexual positions. We need some real dirt – we need to see the crockery. Bring out the big utensils.

Anorak

Posted: 16th, September 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comments (9)

Man Loses Son Buying Drugs

DINO Vincente is looking for his car. Dino’s car features four wheels, seats and a six-year-old boy.

We join the action as Vicente, 31, motors from Coopersburg, Pa., to Kensington to score drugs. He is accompanied by his 6-year-old stepson.
Says an investigator:

“He left the kid in the car, went to an unknown location and got high.”

Sometime later Vicente called the boy’s mother to confess that he couldn’t remember where he had parked the car.

Anorak

Posted: 16th, September 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)

Child Killer Romell Broom Survives Execution

THE State of Ohio is trying to kill Romell Broom by lethal injection but they can’t find a vein.

For two hours, executioners looked for a vein to puncture with the poison. But the 53-year-old child rapist and murderer was not killed.

Anorak

Posted: 16th, September 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comments (4)

Kang Mangru Is The Pregnant One Year Old

IN Closer magazine, you can read about the “Pregnant 1-year-old”.

In “Our 18-month-old baby is pregnant” Kang Mangru has amazed her parents after doctors revealed she is carrying her unborn twin.

Call off the dogs. Gary Glitter can keep…

Anorak

Posted: 15th, September 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment