Strange But True Category
Weird, offbeat and bizarre news from around the world. Funny, strange & odd news stories that make you wince, laugh and fear for humanity.
Room With A Pew
‘IF Jesus were about to be born this December, his parents could do worse than try and ride that donkey all the way to Austria.
Viennas four-star Tourotel Mariahilf hotel is offering a free room to the first five couples bearing the names Mary and Joseph who turn up on the morning of December 24.
‘Mary and Joseph should not be forced to spend every Christmas night in the stable,’ said the hotels boss Markus Schauer.
‘The couples don’t need to be married and their child will also be welcome, even if he’s not called Jesus,’ added Schauer.
Although wise men, pets and straw will not be allowed in the rooms after 10pm on forfeit of a surcharge…’
Posted: 23rd, December 2004 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Child’s Play
‘THEY say opposites attract, but in Katy and Martins case, thats clearly not true as the pair both have the IQ of a six-year-old.
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| ‘Don’t cry! There’s always panto…’ |
Katy casually announced to Martin that shed like to have a baby for Christmas well it worked for the Virgin Mary.
Martin tried to point out that they had plenty of time for all that and perhaps it would be an idea for her for to finish school first.
I might have plenty of time, but you havent! she tactfully reminded him.
Katy then proceeded to demonstrate just how ready for motherhood she is by snogging Candices boyfriend, Warren, in a packed Rovers.
Warren, who likes to think of himself as The Streets David Beckham although is actually more the Wayne Rooney, decided to share his Christmas favours among the lucky ladies of Weatherfield by giving out kisses under the mistletoe.
And of course, who should walk in just as Katy and Warren were locking lips but Martin. Martin got his revenge, however, by clattering into Warren during a street kick-about, resulting in a hospital trip and a bandaged leg.
Did you see me?! laughed Martin to Sarah Lou, I sorted him out good and proper. Sarah, his 16 year old daughter, went round to give him some relationship advice. Grow up, dad, she sneered at him. Youre an embarrassment.
Martin has never been one to do the sensible thing when it comes to women – he married Gail for a start and has now decided to take out an insurance policy leaving everything to Katy.
At least it means shell be able to keep up her membership of the Blue fan club and other vital teenage necessities.
Theres also little Christmas cheer in the McDonald household as Karen miscarried her baby at The Underworld Christmas party.
Poor Karen, never the most stable at the best of times, goes completely loony at the thought of Tracy having won by being able to give Steve a child.
Karens set to leave Weatherfield for good over Christmas and is determined to go out with a bang banging being the one thing Karens actually any good at.
Theres also little Christmas cheer in the Webster household as both Sally and daughter Sophie descend into madness.
Sally is determined to drag her family up into the middle classes whether they like it or not. Shes now doing charity work making up Christmas hampers for the school fete.
Ive spent all the housekeeping on the best ingredients, she trilled to a weary Kevin. We cant have them Oak Hill School lot looking down their noses at us and the contents of our larder.
As Sally feeds her children nothing but fish fingers and beans, perhaps she has a point.
Daughter Sophie, fed up of being ignored by her lunatic mother, has invented an invisible friend Ebony Rae to play with. Youve murdered her! Sophie screamed at the mother as she was hoovering the front room.
God only knows what Freud would make of it all!’
Posted: 23rd, December 2004 | In: Strange But True | Comment
The Wall Game
‘LOCAL newspaper sports reporter Roy Webster is a dedicated professional.
The freelancer for the Evening News in Norwich has been reporting on the matches of Wroxham’s FC since 1976.
For this, he deserves a medal and, perhaps, a new assignment.
But things have taken a turn for the worse of late and Webster has been banned from his local ground.
‘I don’t know what I’ve done to upset them – they won’t specify what I’ve done wrong and I don’t know what they’re talking about when they say, ‘adverse reports, he laments.
It’s not too bad. My friend, who owns the house next to their ground, has rigged up a little table made out of plywood on the top of the ladder so I can put my notebook and binoculars and mobile phone on there and I stand on a rung and peer over the wall to watch the game.’
So thats how he watches the team play from behind a wall. Instead of how he used to watch the lads – from behind his hands…’
Posted: 22nd, December 2004 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Behind The Mask
‘IF hes not dead already, then if Osama bin Laden is hiding out in Costa Rica, he might soon be.
For on that sin-kissed island lives Leonel Arias, 47, who is in possession of an interesting sense of humour and an Osama Bin Laden mask. And he thought the time was ripe to combine the two.
So, Arias pulled on the mask, picked up a pellet gun and jumped out into a narrow street to scare passing drivers in Carrizal de Alajuela.
All was gong hilariously well until he jumped out in front of a taxi driver by the name of Juan Pablo Sandoval.
Angry at what he saw, Sandoval reached for his own gun a real one – and shot Osama twice in the stomach.
Arias is in a stable condition in hospital.
Osama bin Laden is missing…
The Wall Game’
Posted: 21st, December 2004 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Sino The Times
‘THE first Miss Artificial Beauty contest has proven to be big hit for Feng Qian, a 22-year-old from the north-eastern city of Jilin.
From 20 contestants aged 17 to 62 in the ‘man-made beauty’ pageant at a Beijing opera house, Qian was selected the winner.
Feng Qian has undergone surgery for four procedures that added a fold to her eyelids, liposuctioned fat from her belly, reshaped her cheeks, and injected botox to alter her facial muscles.
Feng, wearing a flowing gold evening gown and an oddly fixed smile on her text-book face, was delighted. ‘I hope this pageant will give a positive sign to the public,’ she said.
Runner-up Zhang Shuang, 22, from the southern city of Changsha, underwent 10 procedures, including fixing her eyelids, nose, ears, breasts and upper and lower jaw as well as softening her skin and removing body hair.
The pageant came about after a contestant in a regular beauty contest earlier in the year was disqualified after she was found to have had surgery to improve her looks.’
Posted: 20th, December 2004 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Two Brains
‘PHARMACIST Susana Erana got a bit of a shock when she opened her post the other day to discover a package containing a human brain.
‘I was waiting for some mushrooms that I was going to test, explains the woman from Santiago. Now you imagine my horror when I opened it!’
She called the police, who discovered that it belonged to the morgue of the town of Curico.
‘They meant to send it to the morgue in Santiago, but something went wrong,’ a police spokesman said.
Mrs Erana, meanwhile, claims to still be recovering from the shock and is thinking of suing the morgue.’
Posted: 17th, December 2004 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Two Brains
‘PHARMACIST Susana Erana got a bit of a shock when she opened her post the other day to discover a package containing a human brain.
‘I was waiting for some mushrooms that I was going to test, explains the woman from Santiago. Now you imagine my horror when I opened it!’
She called the police, who discovered that it belonged to the morgue of the town of Curico.
‘They meant to send it to the morgue in Santiago, but something went wrong,’ a police spokesman said.
Mrs Erana, meanwhile, claims to still be recovering from the shock and is thinking of suing the morgue.’
Posted: 17th, December 2004 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Nick The Tree With Boughs Of Holly
‘THERE are no depths, it appears, to which Santa will not stoop and police in Germany have arrested three costumed men for stealing a Christmas tree.
Officers noticed the three men dressed as Santa Claus dragging the tree through the streets of Eschwege.
Under questioning, they admitted that they had taken the tree from a local nightclub.
‘I’d be surprised if they weren’t drunk’, deduced a policeman.
The officers escorted the three Santas back to the club to make sure they returned the stolen goods before charging them with theft.’
Posted: 16th, December 2004 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Time, Gentlemen, Please
‘TIRED of waiting for punters to drink up after closing time, bar staff have taken to extreme measures to get people to leave their pubs.
They have started playing Cliff Richard tunes. In a study, it was discovered that 64-year-old Cliff singing his 1988 No1 hit Mistletoe And Wine cleared bars in a shot.
A spokesman for John Barras pubs said: ”Christmas wouldn’t be complete without Cliff, but he certainly gets customers to drink up.”
Silent Night, Aled Jones’ Walking In The Air and Elvis’ Blue Christmas were also a big turn-off for drinkers.’
Posted: 15th, December 2004 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Breast To Kill
‘GAIL Porters bare breasts may have adorned the Houses Of Parliament, as well as countless lads magazines, but they are more than just ornament.
| Gail was warned about carrying concealed weapons |
They are a lethal weapon.
”They are enormous and hurt my back – they’re 30DD, she boasts. They could smother a small person.”
The 33-year-old TV presenter adds that her husband Dan Hipgrave lived in nightly terror during her pregnancy.
”When I was pregnant they were huge and poor Dan was in fear of his life, she says.
He thought he’d die in bed. He was like: ‘Don’t roll over – please.””
Posted: 14th, December 2004 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Father Spliffmas
‘WEVE had drunk Santas, abusive Santas and brawling Santas, now we have drug-dealing Santas.
Brazilian police arrested two men dressed in the trademark red cape and white beard apparently giving away Christmas gifts near a shanty town in Rio de Janeiro.
The police discovered that the presents had small marijuana bags inside them and the two men were actually selling drugs.
A police spokesperson said: ”It was a smart idea – we had seen them three times before we decided to investigate them. It was hard to believe that even Santa was a drug dealer!”
What next? The Tooth Fairy a hooker?’
Posted: 13th, December 2004 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Speed Kills
‘SOME drivers seem to think that if they tell a good enough story, then they will get off,” says Ray King, manager of the Northumbria Safety Camera Partnership.
So hes published a list of the top ten excuses given by drivers for failing to observe the speed limit. The success of each is not revealed, but the front runners are:
1. I had passed out after seeing flashing lights, which I believed to be UFOs in the distance. The flash of the camera brought me round from my trance.
2. I was in the airports flight path and I believe the camera was triggered by a jet overhead, not my car
3. I had a severe bout of diarrhoea and had to speed to a public toilet
4. There was a strong wind behind my car which pushed me over the limit
5. My friend had just chopped his fingers off and I was rushing the fingers to hospital
6. The vibrations from the surfboard I had on the roof rack set off the camera
7. I had to rush my dying hamster to the vet
8. A violent sneeze caused a chain reaction where my foot pushed down harder on the accelerator
9. There was a suspected case of foot and mouth and I had to rush to see the cow concerned
10. The only way I could demonstrate my faulty clutch was to accelerate madly.’
Posted: 10th, December 2004 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Fox A La Mode
‘REMEMBER when fox hunting was the unspeakable in pursuit of the inedible?
Well, forget it. Foxes are no less tasty than a badger, and with their sly ways and raw cunning, as fat free as your regular stoat.
And for this information we have artist Mark McGowan to thank.
McGowan, who once pushed a peanut along the road to Tony Blair’s Downing Street home with his nose, has eaten a fox in protest at the public fixation with a government ban on fox hunting.
He described the roast fox, which he ate in public, as quite tasty, although he admitted to nearly vomiting at times.
”It was a bit like rack of lamb,” said he. ”The trouble was the retching noises from the other people in the room.”
And the brush ’
Posted: 9th, December 2004 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Bill And Coo
‘POOR Maria you know your love life is really in trouble when Candice is feeling sorry for you. Its good youve got yer job to fall back on, she simpered, and who knows one day when Im a footballers wife, I might even let you cut my hair.
| ”You’ll never get up my nose, Maria” |
Candice is currently dating Warren, whos played twice for Weatherfield United and shes already debating whether to sell the wedding photos to Hello! or not. So its not surprising that when Audrey wrongly accused Candice of stealing £200 out of the petty cash, Maria didnt bother to out her right.
Maria is just back from a weeks holiday at her parents timeshare with Tyrone but unfortunately for Tyrone his darts victory didnt entitle him to an all-inclusive tour of Maria. The poor love stuck chimp had to stand by and watch Maria pull a barman called Dave.
Maria judging by her track record didnt think shed ever see Dave again so was surprised when he turned up on her doorstep, offering to take her out on the town.
Fing is though babe, Ive lost me wallet – you couldnt sub us some cash could you? And Maria, being the Jade Goody of Weatherfield when it comes to blokes, happily handed over two hundred pounds of Audreys petty cash. And would you believe it? Dave disappeared on their hot date, leaving Maria to find two hundred pounds by the morning.
You could always go on the game, sneered Leanne on hearing her dilemma, mind you, it would take you a while to earn that sort of cash. And Leanne should know.
In the end it was of course Tyrone, her knight in greasy overalls, who came to her rescue. Why do I treat him so badly? Maria sobbed to Audrey, when she finally came clean over the whole sorry affair. Audrey advised Maria to give Tyrone a chance, I didnt love my Alfie when I married him, she confided, but theres more to a marriage than love.
A couple who know this only too well are Jack and Vera. Theyve been battling it out daily for thirty years. Vera has emerged the victor from the latest outbreak of hostilities but it was a close fought thing.
Ken let slip to Vera that he recognised Mr Broxbourne of the Weatherfield Conservation Society as Ron, the chairman of the Weatherfield Pigeon Fanciers Association – a man about as likely to be able to introduce her to Prince Charles as fast track her through to the finals of The Suns search for a Page Three star competition.
Vera decided to get her revenge on the pair of them by preparing a special thank you dinner for choosing her house as the winner of the world heritage competition. Ere you go! she chuckled to them, pigeon pie!
Karen is also discovering the joys of sweet revenge by gleefully announcing to Tracy that she and Steve were going to have a baby. His legal first born, she sneered in Tracys face, this babys going to want for nothing.
Tracys not one to give up without a fight though and managed to trick Steve into buying a Christmas present for baby Amy and, of course, making sure Karen got to hear about it.
Yer gonna go round and take that present back, ranted Karen, oblivious to the fact that stealing presents off ten-month old babies isnt exactly the best training for parenthood.
Karens set to quit Weatherfield over Christmas – perhaps shes off to steal the gold, frankincense and myrrh off the Baby Jesus.’
Posted: 9th, December 2004 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Weighty Issues
‘THE annual meeting of the Radiological Society of North America is always a time of controversy.
And this year is no different as the delegates have stirred up yet more trouble. Typical.
We leave it to Dr. Raul Uppot of Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston to stoke the flames: ”Hospital radiology departments are increasingly unable to adequately image and assess obese patients because of the limitations in current radiology equipment.”
He says equipment makers ”need to think about design changes and technological advancements to obtain quality imaging in larger patients.
”In the meantime, radiologists need to be aware of the limitations of their current imaging equipment and optimise current protocols and equipment settings to accommodate America’s fattening population.
In other words so fat are Americans that even X-ray equipment cannot penetrate their acres of reconstituted lard.
They can either get thin or the machines can get bigger. And this being America, expect to see machines as big as houses rolling off the conveyor belt.
And 60 million obese Americans being rolled onto them ’
Posted: 8th, December 2004 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Helmut Klein
‘WHEN youre big in Germany, youre big in Austria as well. But how big is big?
Its a question thats bothering makers of Germanys condoms, who say that for fear of looking small, German manhood is buying the big size which doesnt fit.
You see, in downtown Cuxhaven, the condoms are labelled in terms of size and the countrys sausage munchers are going for the Frankfurter or bratwurst instead of the snug fitting chipolatta.
A study by Vinico, an average-to-moderate name in the German Johnny market, asked to measure the erect penises of 2,500 German men.
”People measure their feet when they buy shoes. Why shouldn’t they measure their penises? A man would not wear children’s shoes,” said Jan Vinzenz Krause of Vinico.
Er, lets not dwell on that analogy and move swiftly onto the results and note that the average erect German penis size is 14.7 cm (5.75 inches).
Or zeppelin as it says on the new condom boxes ’
Posted: 7th, December 2004 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Thou Shalt Not Litter
‘LITTER is a terrible thing. There are more than enough bins to hold the rubbish of modern living fast food cartons, dog poo in bags and Natalie Appleton CDs but sill people drop their litter on the ground.
And its the same here as it is over there, in Tokyo.
Over in the town of Nagato, located in the picturesque mountains of Japan, the local councillors are fed up with the sight of tourists emptying their ashtrays in the areas carp parks and roadsides.
So, the local prefecture hit upon the idea of placing statues of Jizo (no despicable sniggering in the back row, children), whose role in Buddhism is to help others find enlightenment, in the areas blighted by rubbish.
And, wonder of wonders, it worked. In just four months since the statues were put in place, litter has almost totally gone.
‘I can’t drop litter now, not with the statue looking at me,’ one driver said.’
Posted: 6th, December 2004 | In: Strange But True | Comment
DIY Surgery
‘IF you want to see the future of the NHS, then look no further than Bosnia.
There an unemployed 29-year-old has performed kidney stone surgery on himself, using only a razor blade and needle, because he did not have any money to pay medical bills.
Emir Javoras, from Javor, explained: ‘I woke up in the middle of the night in terrible pain, but I couldn’t ask doctors to do anything about it because I am poor, have no money and no health insurance.
‘I noticed my genitals had swollen and the pain was enormous. The stones had passed out of my kidney and had got stuck in my urinary tract.
‘I cut the skin under my testicles and with the help of a sterilized needle I managed to dig out three stones.’
Doctors in the nearby town of Zenica said they were shocked someone had managed to perform such an operation by themselves, and cleaned and restitched the wound for free.’
Posted: 3rd, December 2004 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Homeless Hoardings
‘HUNRGY and homeless; Please give generously; Drink Pepsi.
Homeless people in Holland will soon be used as mobile billboards, with the launch of a scheme to give them free winter coats on condition they allow firms to advertise on them.
Ice cream maker Ben & Jerry’s has already signed up for the service and hundreds of beggars in Amsterdam now sport warm jackets paid for by the US firm.
The scheme is the idea of a group of Augustinian nuns based near the citys red light district who were looking for ways to help the homeless.
They say the scheme, which is scheduled to run throughout the winter, offers businesses the opportunity to advertise in a socially responsible way.’
Posted: 2nd, December 2004 | In: Strange But True | Comment
The Orange Revolution
‘ROBERT Kilroy Silk, the famously orange MEP for the East Midlands, should take note.
Taiwans Prime Minister Yu Shyi-kun is ordering the countrys soldiers to eat as many oranges they can to help him win the next election.
He believes farming communities will support his Democratic Progressive Party if this year’s bumper crop finds takers, but could desert him en masse if the fruit remains uneaten and is left to rot.
His colleagues have also embarked on an orange-eating campaign to garner support from voters in farming areas.
Party spokesman Tsai Huang-Liang saying: ”To eat oranges now is to show you love Taiwan.”
However, rivals at the People First Party are refusing to be outdone.
They have auctioned off large quantities of the fruit and distributed 100 sacks of oranges among supporters.’
Posted: 1st, December 2004 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Jingle Bells
‘TIME was when top of an average Germans Christmas list would have been a traditional wooden toy, a bottle of hair dye or perhaps even Poland.
No more these days a record number of people are surprising their loved ones by having a lift here, a tuck there or an implant or two.
Liposuction is the most popular procedure, but it is closely followed by breast enlargements – or ”Christmas bells”, as they are known among surgeons.
”I am operating from morning to night,” says Albert Hofmann, president of the German Association for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery.
”People want to be able to stand under the Christmas tree with their new car, new living room cabinet and new breasts.
”Last year we had a family who gave their mother a breast enlargement as her Christmas present. I now have a 22 year-old student who is getting the same as a Christmas present from her parents.”
Marita Eisenmann-Klein, vice president of the Association for German Plastic Surgeons, says people could use the Christmas holidays to recover.
”Demand is up to 25 percent higher at Christmas compared with other times of the year,” she said.’
Posted: 30th, November 2004 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Last Of The Mocha-hicans
‘GOOD news for German chancellor Gerhard Schroeder he of the famously undyed hair.
Scientists have discovered that treating hair with caffeine products can stop men from going bald, not of course that that is a problem for Herr Schroeder.
Professor Peter Elsner, of Germanys Jena University, claims the stimulant has the most effect on men whose hair roots were very sensitive to testosterone, one of the causes of hair loss.
But to obtain maximum benefits, men are advised to smear the coffee directly on their heads.
‘One would have to drink between 60 and 80 cups of coffee a day for the necessary amount of caffeine to reach the roots,’ says Adolf Klenk of Kurt Wolff cosmetic research.’
Posted: 29th, November 2004 | In: Strange But True | Comment
The Holy Toast
‘DIANA Duyser loves those online auctions where you can buy all manner of tat and must-have items sight unseen from a faceless seller.
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| Some dough |
And the American woman has joined in the fun by putting up for sale half of a ten-year old grilled cheese sandwich.
But this is not just any old, half-eaten lump of old toast and cheese its a lump of old toast and cheese with a picture of the Virgin Mary burnt onto it.
And Diana is not alone in her believe in her holy toast and has to date received bids of as high as $22,000 for it.
Its just been sold for £15,000.
Diana is delighted. It is, after all, what Mary would have wanted ’
Posted: 26th, November 2004 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Little Shops Of Horrors
‘MAYAS madness reached its crescendo this week when she decided that if she couldnt have Dev and his chain of back street corner shops then no one could.
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| You don’t have to be mad to work at Dev’s, but it helps |
Without sparing a thought for the hundreds of people who rely on Dev for their 20 B&H and over priced pints of milk everyday, Maya set about setting off a chain of firebombs in each of his seven shops.
As Dev and Sunita lay in bed, Devs phone rang to tell him that one of his shops was on fire. Quicker than you could say lost stock, he was out of bed and speeding off into his car to assess the damage.
This was simply stage one of Mayas plan, however, as once Dev was safely out of the way, it meant she could break into the flat and hold Sunita hostage. Youd better do what youre best at and play dumb, she snarled at a terrified Sunita.
As Dev raced from shop to shop, he quickly realised that the fires were no accidents. Do you have any enemies, sir? a policeman asked him apart from those who believe his acting is a crime against humanity, obviously.
Maya! he screamed, before jumping back into his car and heading back for the shop.
This, of course, was all part of Mental Mayas plan she may be a loony but she sure does know how to put a plan together. Indeed, since when was sanity required to be a functioning member of the legal profession?
Dev broke into the flat to find Sunita tied up and Maya ready with a police truncheon to bash him on the head (probably best not ask where she got hold of that).
You ruined my life, she shrieked at him, and now you must pay. Switching on the gas oven and throwing a lit match into the shop, Maya then made a hasty exit to a safe distance to watch the fireworks.
Unfortunately for Maya, she hadnt taken into account the fact that Weatherfield like New York never sleeps. At the very moment that the shop was going up in flames, Rita was leaving her house to start on the papers.
She bumped into Leanne and Jamie who were coming home from a nights clubbing. Leannes fishwife screams on seeing the smoke pouring out of the shop were enough to wake the dead and within minutes Charlie and Cerian were breaking down the shop door and dragging Dev and Sunita out.
On seeing her dastardly plan quite literally – going up in smoke, Maya really went mental. Whereas most arch criminals would retire to their hideout built under a volcano to regroup, Maya decided to drive her car straight at Dev and Sunita.
Of course she missed and ended up ploughing into an on-coming lorry. Dev and Sunita looked on hopelessly as her car went up in flames.
Dev should have known breaking up with Maya would end in disaster – hasn’t he seen the advert: wheres theres blame, theres a claim.’
Posted: 26th, November 2004 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Holiday Kamp
‘FOR anyone who has stayed full-board at one of the Spanish costas less salubrious holiday spots, the idea of spending time in an old Yugoslavian gulag might sound like a dream holiday.
But plans to turn the communist prison camp, situated on delightful Goli Otok island off the sun-kissed Croatian coast, have not met with everyones approval.
‘It is unacceptable that a tragic place of execution like Goli Otok, where Tito’s Yugoslav communist regime killed over 30,000 political prisoners, will be used in future as a tourist destination,’ the Centre for Investigation of Communist Crimes said in a statement.
The aim of the ‘hard-labour holidays’ would be for tourists to survive long enough to receive a certificate at the end of the holiday proving they had done their time.
Former detainees of Goli Otok have welcomed the idea, some even offering their services as guides.
But the Centre for Investigation of Communist Crimes likened the idea to using a Nazi concentration camp as a tourist theme park.
‘We urge the Croatian authorities to reject the study which suggests making profit from the killing and torture of innocent people,’ it said, suggesting that the island should instead be turned into a memorial centre as a warning to future generations of the evils of totalitarianism.
And then visited by, er, tourists ’
Posted: 25th, November 2004 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)
