Tabloids Category
The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.
The Britney Spears I Want To Know, By Cheryl Cole
ANORAK has managed to internalise our upset at the recent goings on in the life of Britney Spears.
But Girls Aloud singer Cheryl Cole is unable to contain herself. She emotes: “It’s devastating to see Britney like this. It’s so sad, she needs help. She’s mentally ill.”
Many have befriended Spears on the way up and it heartening to see that with her career more about her private life than her music, Cole is on hand to give a professional opinion.
And she wants to offer Britney a refuge: “I’ve said that she can come to my house and I’ll look after her.”
This is true camaraderie, hands across the celebrity Pond. So what that Britney at Cole’s house will attract untold speculation and cause Cheryl to appear on camera to defend, explain and enlarge upon her kindness. This is what giving is.
It is giving until it hurts…
Posted: 3rd, November 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (6)
Heather Mills And Me: A Public Stoning And ‘A Sick Human Being’
HEADLINES likes “Macca Whacka”, “Princess Of Tarts” And “Pull The Other One” might have created an impression that Heather Mills was less than the full bottle of baby oil.
As the Telegraph notes: “Heather Mills looked even more fraught than Henri Paul behind the wheel of the car as he drove Princess Diana to her untimely death.”
Now the woman who saw Heather Mills’ speak on GMTV gives her version of events.
Writing in her Mirror column, GMTV presenter Phillips notes that “On Wednesday, Heather Mills reached rock bottom and asked to come on GMTV”.
Indeed, after GMTV there is little place to go for a celebrity blonde, other than maybe a stint drawing the balls on the National Lottery show or lunch with Anthea Turner.
“By Wednesday night I was still furious. I was bloody raging, actually, after listening to rent-a-gobs on various radio phone-ins, slagging off a woman they’d never even met,” says Phillips.
Fiona has met the real Heather, the one she brought to the institutionalised, the bedbound and journalists who watch daytime telly.
“So I phoned her to see how she was. And, characteristically, she was bearing up – but still wondering why some people hate her so much that they positively rub their grubby hands with glee at the ‘modern-day stoning’ (her words) that she’s had to endure for the past 18 months.”
A stoning. Fiona prefers evisceration. It was “gut-wrenching”.
And a question: “What do we want from her? Tears? Blood? Suicide?” Yes! Yes! And what was the middle one again?
“What has she done to deserve that? Truly?” asks Fiona. The question is rhetorical, evidenced by Fiona supplying the answer: “If you can think of anything you’re a very sick human being. Sorry, I take that back – you’re not a human being at all.”
You have never been raised by a family to stray dogs and forced to endure barbed insults from an envious Princess Diana. You are not Heather Mills…
Posted: 3rd, November 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (19)
Daily Mail: Cancer Dogs, Killer Bread And Macy Is Dead
EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die…
And if it can’t think any up, it looks at the latest scientific …
MONDAY
“Doctors warn over A&E deluge”
“From the cradle to the grave, life has never been held so cheap as it is today” – Melanie Phillips says…
“There is knife attack every 24 minutes in the UK” – And don’t forget the guns
TUESDAY
“KILLED BY A HOSPITAL THAT JUST DIDN’T CARE – No one doubts the skill and devotion of the vast majority of our nurses and doctors. But this widow’s truly horrifying story raises questions”
230,000 – “The number of Britons who have heart attacks each year”
“CAN DOGS GIVE YOU BREAST CANCER” – Headline of the week
“Headaches, tiredness, weakness…at first, it seems like flu or a food bug. But the truth may be far more sinister – COULD GAS POISONING BE MAKING US ILL?”
“I’m a middle-class drinker and it’s slowly killing me”
“Still pain after your op? Like millions your organs may be stuck together by car tissue”
WEDNESDAY
“Folic acid in bread ‘could be a health timebomb”
“Caesareans ‘riskier for mother and baby’”
“Salmonella found in chocolates”
“MRSA peril the cleaners can’t detect”
THURSDAY
“Now cancer experts add bacon, ham and drink to danger list…SO WHAT IS SAFE TO EAT?”
“GOODBYE, OLD GIRL. Loyal, affectionate, clever… to vet Bruce Fogle. She was the perfect companion. Now, in a tribute that will strike a chord with millions, he describes his profound sadness at the loss of his beloved dog Macy”
Macy’s dead..?
“Alzheimer’s risk ‘greater in cold sore sufferers”
FRIDAY
“The new superbug – GRE attacks the very ill and makes MRSA untreatable”
“How C. Diff spreads to young patients” – The young can catch C. Difficile. No-one is safe
“Pre-eclampsia ‘early warning for the heart” – If you have pre-eclampsia you are twice as likely to develop heart disease
“Patient died after diagnosis through a letterbox” – Sarah Bonner could not open her door to the doctor, who shouted that “You are going to die!” through her letterbox. The prognosis was accurate
“HELP! MY WIFE’S HYPERSEXUAL – Heather was a happily married executive and doting mother – until a freak medical drama left her in a coma. When she woke up, she was very different woman…”
“Braid made me go bald – Eight-year-old’s horror after holiday hairdo causes alopecia”
Posted: 3rd, November 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (2)
Ladies And Gentlemen, The Death Of Jean Charles De Menezes
“GUILTY but Blair refuses to go,” says the Guardian’s front-page headline. Shock – Cop does not admit guilt.
“A MAN WIHTOUT HONOUR,” says the Mail, words to caption a front-page picture of Sir Ian Blair, Metropolitan police commissioner.
“His force was yesterday damned for shooting dead an innocent Brazilian. He’s lsot the trust of his men and brought shame on the Met. But still Ian Blair won’t do the decent thing.”
Shock – Daily Mail defends immigrant against the State…
Pic: Beau Bo D’Or
More here
Posted: 2nd, November 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (5)
Immigration: They Work For Us
“MIGRANTS TAKE ALL NEW JOBS IN BRITAIN.”
So says the Express on its front page. And we wonder if the new IT expert employed at Anorak Towers, one Mr Mickhail ‘Micky’ Borovikovsky, really is from “Wales”.
To test his nationality we have presented him with the Express’ phone poll: “Should British jobs be for British workers?” Yes? Or no?
Which way he votes will decide much…
Pic: Beau Bo D’Or
Posted: 2nd, November 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (7)
Vicky Says David Beckham Does Lines
UPDATES from the House of Beckham in the Mail, where readers learn that David Beckham will only vacuum the house in “straight lines”, while wearing a pinafore apron. Victoria says David “gets funny” when someone steps on his newly vacuumed carpet. Fortunately, the Beckhams retain the services of a “cleaner”, and Victoria and her shoes are often elsewhere…
Posted: 2nd, November 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5)
Heather Mills: Princess Of (Seal) Clubs Pleads With Sir Paul
HEATHER Mills has yet to offer to beseech Madeleine McCann’s kidnappers to exchange one innocent blonde for another.
“Look into my eyes,” Heather seems to say from the Sun’s cover. “He knew I was at suicide pointy but did nothing about it.” Heather talks not of Prince Charles. Her interrogator is not Martin Bashir.
Heather is in conversation with Matt Lauer of American TV’s Today show. This is the same Lauer who only recently spoke with Prince Harry and William about their mother. Heather Mills was not mentioned then – her name all the more noticeable by its omission.
But now she seeks to set the record straight. Mills says she offered Paul McCartney a deal: “If he stood up and said “I’m responsible for the breakdown of this marriage”, she would walk away with nothing.
He failed her, leaving her with no option but to demand millions of pounds. “I can’t plead with him anymore,” says Lady Mucca.
The Mail considers Heather over two pages of tight pros. Denise Robertson, a TV agony aunt (former) is invited to say whether Mills is “paranoid and hysterical or a misunderstood victim.” So too is a writer who once worked for “Cosmogirl”, another agony aunt, a second Cosmopolitan writer and Dr Pam Spurr, “Radio psychologist”.
“Is Heather a Victim,” asks the Express? The question is debated by an agony aunt, a PR “guru”, an animal rights protestor, a single mother, a writer, Vanessa Feltz, Philip Schofield. A psychotherapist, a psychology student, a publicist, a divorce lawyer and a Radio Five Live presenter.
The verdict is mixed. Mills is a conundrum, who has been envied by many – namely Mother Teresa, Desmond Tutu and Anthea Turner – and loved by millions…
Pic: Beau Bo D’Or
Posted: 2nd, November 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (18)
Shopper Remains In Car In Protest Over Fine
“I’M making a stand for all the little people,” says Lisa Martin, “it’s wrong that you can be clamped for £150 for such a minor misdemeanour.”
Ms Martin is speaking to the Mirror from the driver’s seat of her B-reg Hyundai Accent. “I’m staying put for as long as it takes – nothing will shift me until I’m ready to go.”
You can catch Mrs Martin in a parking bay reserved for shop staff in Pontypool. She may very well rival the wooden carvings on the town’s Heritage Trail as Pontypool’s premier attraction.
Mrs Martin is now the owner of £400 ticket for remaining in the bay for more than 24 hours. The Sun says her fine runs to £1,500. She says “The signs were too high to see”.
Such is Mrs Martin’s stand for the little people. She may care to stand on the roof of her car.
“I will stay her indefinitely to make their lives hell,” says she. She loves her kids and she will not budge. “I’ve got plenty of carrier bags to go to the toilet in.”
The journey will be to hell and, should Mrs Martin’s car battery hold out, back again…
Posted: 2nd, November 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (4)
Carol Vorderman Pulls In Her Trousers
CAROL Vorderman is stood before the Countdown board, as she has stood for 25 years. To mark the show, and Channel 4’s silver jubilee, the Mirror notes that Carol will be wearing the same trousers she wore all those moons ago. “I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to get into them – but luckily, I just managed,” says Carol.
Thankfully, the ways of fashion mean that 25 years ago Carol’s trousers were baggy from waist to turn-ups. It was only after celebrity and Lycra came knocking that Carol took to wearing tighter clothes. It is commitment to her style that causes Carol to augment her old Comfi-Slax with a tri-buckled belt pulled tight betwixt bust and hips in the manner of a circus strong man.
Says Gordon Brown in the Telegraph: “I wish she could have helped me with some of my budgets when I as Chancellor – I might have got the sums right more often.”
Or “Phwaoor often”, as he might have meant to say…
Posted: 2nd, November 2007 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Keeley Hazell And Diet Pill Sex Loss
“KEELEY’S GONE SEX MAD ON DIET PILLS,” says the Sun, and “KNACKERED HUSBAND WANTS DIVORCE.”
Kelly is Keeley Kellard, who, as the Sun points out, “shares a name with Page Three beauty Keeley Hazell”.
To avoid any confusion, the Sun produces a picture of Ms Hazell and her green knickers on its Page Three, and another shot of Keeley Kellard in a generous-cut leisurewear and ComfiSlax Jeans over much of page 15.
But soon the Keeleys will look like twins. Keeley K. has slimmed down from a size 22 to a sweet 16. The secret of her weight loss? Pills. And Sexercise.
As the Sun notes, husband Bradley “plans to make legal history by being the fit person to cite a dietary product as the third party in divorce papers.”
Says Bradley, who shares his name with Bradley McIntosh, former member of S Club 7: “She woke me up for it in the wee small hours and tried in on before I went to work. I had to stop coming home for lunch.”
Instantly, you realise that Bradley (not pictured) might also have lost weight. Indeed, has his wife only chased him around the bedroom, the kitchen and, dare we say, the fridge, both Keeley and Bradley would be fighting fit, up for it and very possibly making an XXX-rated Keep-Fit DVD called Loadsa Shagging…
Posted: 1st, November 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (26)
National TV Awards: Vote Ant And Dec
THE National TV Awards are underway. As the Mail says: “Ant and Dec are the viewers’ favourites”. And this much we know for certain.
We urge you to show your support and vote for Ant and Dec to win a coveted award.
Call 0800 LINES-STILL-OPEN and see your heroes get what they deserve…
Now!
Posted: 1st, November 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)
First They Came For The Bacon…
“SAVE OUR BACON,” screams the Sun’s foremost page. “Storm as butties branded killers.”
Might it all be a murky al-Qaeda plot to see off all infidel bacon eaters? An EU-led plot to kill of
Britain’s pig trade? Or, as reported, does bacon give you cancer?
Each attack on the Sun’s beloved butty is more sensational than the last, and it takes celebrity chef, and former Oompah Lopmpah, Anthony Worrall Thompson to a make sense of it.
It’s “just another scare”, says Wozza. “They test mice and rats and they force feed them and they get cancer.” ‘They’ give our bacon to vermin? ‘They’ make us eat salad?! What madness? Who are this ‘They’?
“We don’t force feed ourselves,” says Wozza. “There’s nothing wrong with eating bacon sarnies one a week.”
Indeed, dear reader, it appears that Wozza might be one of “They”, what with his nonsense about once a week, his dog-whistle message to the unconverted?
“Bacon is fine – as long as it’s an occasional treat,” says the Sun’s Doctor Carol Cooper.
Pig farmer Stewart Houston says bacon is a tasty food and should be enjoyed “in moderation”.
Anorak is minded of the closing scene in the film Shivers when the last man alive is trapped and all around are “They” who seek to make him one of “Them”.
But we will not yield. We should resist. Bacon for now! Bacon for breakfast! And bacon for tea!
Forward with bacon!
Posted: 1st, November 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (5)
National TV Awards Vote Phone Lines Still Open: Vote Ant And Dec
AS you know, voting for the National TV Awards is now closed. But you can still vote at 0800 ANT’N’DEC (calls cost £5.00-a-second within Guyana and £25-a-second overseas).
Remember: your vote counts (towards our new washer–dryer and Bulgarian timeshare).
The Mirror says Ant ‘n’ Dec are “bracing themselves for humiliation” as they face a backlash for their show’s part in a £7.8million rip-off.
The pair will face the ignominy of not winning a coveted brass-style and paste statuette for Most Popular Entertainment Presenter. Who dares to say justice does not out?
Of course the top prize is the Special Recognition Award. The Mail looks back over a red carpet few winners past, featuring Nicole Kidman’s knickers, Victoria Beckham’s bra and Uma Thurman’s chest.
The Star says “bosses” have issued a ban on “trashy” outfits.
Although, with flashbulbs set to ‘X-Ray’, the assembled snappers will hope to catch an soap actress at the optimum moment and record the full wonder of her knickers and bra.
It is not known if Ant ‘n’ Dec will wear something appropriate to win the male-dominated Landmark Award. We await over-developments with interest…
Posted: 31st, October 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (2)
Royal Sex Video: Scotland Yard Questions
THE Royal sex video continues to make news in the Sun, where the blueblood at the centre of the allegations is being addressed by members of Scotland Yard.
The royal is said to “vehemently deny” the claims. “Met sources say they are ‘totally satisfied’ the allegation made on tape is untrue,” notes the Sun.
So we’ll have no more said about the matter. Unless you read the Mail and learn of the Italian newspaper that has published a picture of the royal (clothed and decent, we are all but certain) and the legend: “Sex and coke at Buckingham Palace.”
The Italians should know that Buckingham Palace is but the Queen’s main London residence and if a royal were to engage in acts of gay sex and drug taking – which they do not – the words could just as easily read “Sex and coke at Clarence House”, “Sex and coke at St James’s Palace”, or “Sex and coke in darkened corner in the Royal Mews, ask for ‘Hugo’”.
“This is typical of the Italian media and serves not purpose,” says Giovanni Di Stefano, the lawyer acting on behalf of alleged blackmailer Ian Strachan.
Di Stefano says she has received numerous calls asking about the name of the alleged miscreant. Says he: “I asked them not to speculate as justice has to be done.”
And to search the internet like everyone else…
Posted: 31st, October 2007 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (6)
Britney Spears Calls For A Blackout
QUESTION of the day: “Would Britney Spears dress a little less like a hooker is she had a man?”
That question to you, Daily Star readers. But with no phone number to register “YES” and “NO”, Star readers may struggle for an answer.
Britney, for her part, appears unbothered by the attention spent on her outfit. Not everyone can pull off a combination of fishnet, pink rayon-polyester mix bustier and matching lipstick. Few would attempt it. “DRESS TO ILL,” says the Mirror.
And we look. And were it not for the every-vigilant Sun we would study the clothes and miss the inner Spears and an “unfortunate cluster of facial blemishes”. “OOPS I DID ZIT AGAIN,” says the Sun.
We look. The Sun has drawn a ring about the area. In keeping with the spirit of Halloween, Britney may have cared to paint them black and stick on few bed-harvested hairs.
Others suggest that Britney should promote her new album Blackout by switching off the lights and get both dressed and undressed. But we fear that would be unkind…
Posted: 31st, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Princess Diana Inquest Day 3653 AD (After Diana): Pap Sans Frontières
PRINCESS Diana is on the cover of the Daily Express. She is wearing a pair of pearl drop earring, a black dress and a look of disappointment and sadness.
The Express’s Diana masthead, that barometer of Diana’s mood, bodes unwell for news within.
And, indeed, inside readers learn that paparazzo Romuald Rat is said to have telephoned the Sun newspaper from within the Alma Tunnel and with Diana stricken and dying requested a £300,000 deal for pictures of the scene.
A Stephen Darmon, the snapper’s associate, says Rat was trying to stop the paparazzi reaching the car. He was helping Diana.
Indeed, it may have been that Rat hoped his pictures of a bloodied and prone Diana would be useful in assessing her condition and so getting her the right kind of medical treatment.
The gamble that the Sun’s picture editor, Ken Lennox, was also a trained medic was a long shot, but had it worked who knows what plaudits Rat would have attracted.
Posted: 31st, October 2007 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (7)
Wristband Of Brothers: Sun Hero Offers Help For Heroes
THE Sun’s Help For Heroes campaign is big news in the Sun.
And a British hero has pulled on a blue and red campaign wristband for the good of the many.
There he is behind England football captain John Terry. It’s former EastEnders’ hardman, and wife to Sun editor Rebekah Wade, Ross Kemp.
Ross once played an ex-soldier in the BBC TV soap and knows what it is to make sacrifices…
Posted: 31st, October 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (13)
Migrants Workers In The UK: John Arne Riise Case Study
“MIGRANTS? LABOUR HAVEN’T A CLUE!” advertises the Sun’s front page. Would-be migrants massed at the French ferry terminal read on.
The Sun illustrates immigration in facts.
October 8 – “First they say workers total is 800,000”
October 29 – “Then they say we got it wrong, it’s 1.1million”
October 30 – “And now they say true figure is 1.5million”
Today is Halloween, and, at current rates, we estimate 1.9million people will arrive here by midnight.
But they won’t just bring destruction and horror – some will earn money and pay taxes.
The Star focuses on one migrant worker, a certain John Arne Riise, a Norwegian who works in the Liverpool area.
Readers see a monthly pay slip dated September 1, 2006. It is front-page news. The worker’s salary is £139,634.62. Riise pays £55, 508.28 to the Government in the form of taxes, a further £1,611.67 in National insurance Contributions.
Taking Mr Riise as the average, Anorak calculates that – using the least optimistic figure of 800,000 – foreign workers are worth £45,695,960,000 to the Treasury each month.
Come one, come all. Fill your boots…
Posted: 31st, October 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (6)
David Beckham’s Pro-Celebrity Soccer
CELEBRATE David Beckham’s return to playing as he prepares to take on Hollywood United in a pro-celebrity match.
Beckham he will representing the pros in La Galaxy white, although reserves the right to play the second half for Hollywood United dressed in a gamboge strip with taffeta sleeves.
Posted: 31st, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5)
David Beckham Respects Tom Cruise’s Religion
SAYS David Beckham on Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes: “We respect their religion. We respect everything they do and believe in.”
Having helped the Los Angeles Galaxy to play no part in the MLS Cup Playoffs, David has selflessly freed up his time to bring football to the masses. And if that means cementing fledgling celebrity friendships then so be it.
At a time when other pros of his vintage are starring in such treats as Premier League All Stars on satellite TV, Becks has forgone the chance to tackle Angus Deayton and high-five Lee Latchford Evans from Steps to work on his game.
And on Tom Cruise and Katie he says: “But they have never turned around to us and said, ‘You have to be part of this’, because that’s now what we’re about.”
Indeed not. Posh and Becks are not Scientologists. Her Poshness has been seen sporting the red-string Kaballah bracelet. And it was half-Jewish David who hymned: “I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don’t know into what religion yet.” That’s what they are about.
Says Dave: “They are amazing people who are just so positive about life and they have been great to us.”
And when David is talking about not talking about Scientology with celebrity Scientologist Tom Cruise, he is talking three or four times a week with Jennifer Lopez’s husband Marc Anthony, a potential Scientologist.
Dave is putting in the hard yards. It was David who said: I’m just here for the red-carpet side.”
But it’s not all work. David’s home life comes first. “I bring them up exactly how I was brought up,” says David of his children, who may find it a chore to get Brooklyn to Chingford for net practice.
It’s not like he’s got a space ship to whiz him there in a trice is it. Is it?
Posted: 30th, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Big Brother’s Chanelle Is A Hit
“CHANNELLE BOTTLED IN CLUB ATTACK,” announces the Star’s front-page headline. “BB babe run for her life”.
“I was terrified I was going to be blinded,” say Chanelle Hayes, slightly sweaty from her appearance Jumpin Jak’s, one of Halifax’s premier nightspots (VIP Q-Jump for Hen Parties). She is on stage. A bottle is thrown from the crowd.
Chanelle escapes. But she is prepared, dressed in clean knickers (first pink, then black). Whether hit by a bottle or a bus, Chanelle will be able to maintain the standards she has set herself…
Posted: 30th, October 2007 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment (1)
Cliff Richard’s Calendar Boy
LOOK out, Cliff! But before you can react, Cliff Richard bounds into view.
Cliff is in the Mail, on Page 3. He is topless, a towel masking his ‘little Peter Pan’ from view.
Cliff is also shaving. And with no foam smeared behind his ears, Cliff gives lie to they who say he has been surgically enhanced. Cliff is, as the headline says, “Forever a Young One”. The foam keep much of his face from view, and may create more polemic then it solves.
The picture is the February shot from “tanned, toned” Cliff’s 2008 calendar.
The fans – the Cliffiatrics – call the shots “scrumptious”, “hot”, “totally stunning” and “gorgeous”.
“Anything to ‘razor laugh” say the words on the picture of Cliff 30 years ago and now…
Posted: 29th, October 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (15)
Royal Sex Tape: Living Up To Her Majesty’s Standards
“ROYAL SEX VIDEO SENSATION,” announces the Mirror.
If only a copy of this video being given away with every paper. Instead, Mirror readers have to make do with a “FREE ladybird book” of Rapunzel, the Princess who lets down only her hair.
But what of the sex video? The alleged blackmailer is one Ian Strachan. He is accused of trying to extort £50,000 from a “minor royal”. He has been arrested with one Sean McGuigan. They will be tried at the Old Bailey.
All to the good. Justice will be seen to be done. Or not – blackmailing victims are often afforded anonymity and the media gagged.
But what of this video? It allegedly shows the royal’s aide chopping up cocaine with the assistance of a Harrods gold card.
The Mail has more front page “SECRETS OF THE ROYAL ‘BLACKMAIL’ TAPE”.
There are “LURID DETIALS”. There is “sex and drugs”. The aide is boasting of a “gay sex act” with the unnamed royal. The aide is allegedly seen removing cocaine from an envelope bearing the royal’s name
The Mail says there are “fears” the royal’s name may emerge abroad.
But Strachan’s lawyer, Giovanni di Stefano, who has represented Saddam Hussein and Ronnie Biggs, says “there is no tape of a sex act in existence”.
There is only a tape of an assistant to a member of the Royal Family taking cocaine and saying how they received a sex act from a royal. That is all. Di Stefano’s client denies blackmail.
Strachan, a “wealthy London clubber” (Sun), tells his brief that he has met Princes William and Harry. He has also met Lord Frederick Windsor.
So no tape. No blackmail. And even if there were a tape, it may not be up to much. As the Times notes: “The Queen once said it was hard for young royals to live up to her standards.”
Whatever can she have meant…?
Picture: The Spine
Posted: 29th, October 2007 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (25)
A Diet Of Kelly Brooke
WAYS to get a picture of Kelly Brooke into the newspapers: No. 33: a diet. As the Star reports, the secret to Kelly’s figure is “tons of sex”, or loadsa shagging.
The Princess And The Bea
“I’M not so royal now, am I!” says Princess Beatrice.
Another day and another chance for the Royal Family to show that beneath the taffeta and the lace, under the bridge work and ten paces to the left of the special constable they are but a blood transfusion away from being just plain rich.
As the Sunday Mirror reports, Beatrice has struck up an “unlikely friendship with pop princess Lily Allen”.
Readers learn that Beatrice Windsor has found cause to visits Allen’s East London home. She has drunk shots and danced around Lily’s living room.
A party-goer says: “Bea was great fun. Her and Lily were controlling the stereo and putting on the tunes – and leading the dancing. Bea was loving being in with the music crowd.”
And her she is giving full throat to the line: “I’m not so royal now, am I.” indeed, not, she has achieved the improbable and become still more royal. Beatrice Windsor is the length of a Nazi uniform away from being as royal as they come…
Posted: 28th, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (3)
