Tabloids Category
The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.
Amy Winehouse Looks Like Someone On Drugs In Norway
“WINO IS USED BY COPS FOR DRUGGIE TRAINING,” says the Sun on the matter of Amy Winehouse’s arrest at the Radisson SAS, Bergen, Norway.
The paper holds its nose as guests hotel in Bergen complain about the whiff of “weed” from the Winehouse room.
Police arrive. Blake Fielder-Civil, a man so edgy even his name sounds like a provincial solicitors’ practice, and one Alexander Foden are pinched. It is 7pm. In the Mirror it is “around 5pm”. Drugs can mess with your sense of time.
The Sun’s women in the corridor notes: “I’m told it looked like a scene from action movie Lethal Weapon.”
No experts in Norwigian crime, we wonder at the rightness of employing an LA cop with suicidal tendencies and his American sidekick to arrest the star. Might it be that Norway is not versed in celebrity and needs to call in the professionals?
“Spliffs,” says the Sun. A source says: “They are very strict about drug taking in Norway. With her past record they thought there was more than just a couple of spliffs. When she opened the hotel room door it was obvious she was wasted. She was mumbling and no one could understand her. She was co-operative and even let an officer in training look in her eyes so he could recognise how a person high on drugs looks.”
Norwegian police now know that a person “high” on drugs has a backcombed, enhanced beehive, a pair of breasts drawn in her arm and a concert tour to promote…
Posted: 20th, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (10)
Global Warming: Bonfire Night Is Cancelled
THE Mail waits. And when the waiting pays off there is much jubilation, and a headline: “Bonfire night is cancelled …to help save the planet.”
The suspiration points are important. They are interchangeable with “…says PC Brigade”; “…Papists rejoice”; “…fear over Bulgarian wood!”
It has been decreed that those paying £4 in the hope of watching the effigy of a Roman Catholic tossed atop a bonfire at Slough Borough Council’s so will be disappointed.
Sure there will be the fireworks but unless a smokeless fire can be arranged, Guy Fawkes will live.
As will the Asian Elvis, unless the crowd grow restless and demand make a stand for tradition…
Posted: 19th, October 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (16)
Gordon Brown Under Attack: The Sun’s Call To Arms
NO small polemic in the Sun where the lead cartoon illustrates the nations Armed Forces rising up and killing Gordon Brown.
An RAF fighter pilot spots Brown’s plane and screams: “Gordon Brown at 6 o’clock… On his way to sell Britain out…ATTACK, ATTACK, ATTACK.”
On the positive side, such direct action negates the need for Brown to call a General Election. Indeed, after the eulogies and the state funeral there would be a period of jostling as the next leader is selected by the military junta.
“Betrayal will haunt Gordon,” says the Sun’s editorial, the paper looking on as Brown dodges the RAF and arrives in Lisbon to approve the EU Constitution.
“They are taking us for fools,” says the Sun’s political editor. Readers are invited to go online and sign the Sun’s petition calling for an EU Referendum.
The paper columnist Fergus Shanahan is sequestered to note: “Some time between the port and the cheese at a Lisbon banquet last night, Gordon Brown looked likely to hand over Britain to Brussels.”
Why, this Gordon is the “LISBON LION”. He’s the Mirror’s hero who has the “historic deal” within his “grasp”. Sure, Europe will decide on Britain’s transport (Anorak nominates the Germans), environment (the Swedes) and business regulations (the Italians), but as Brown tells us: “Britain decides over justice and home affairs issues. Britain decides over foreign and security policy. Britain decides on national security issues.” It is what a patriotic Briton calls the acquis communautaire.
Look not at what he has given away but what he has not given away. Brown is “standing firm” says the Mirror, even if the ground beneath his mighty feet is made of Sun quicksand.
The Sun still wants a referendum. It want one now. But the Times says Brown has set aside three moths to ratify the new treaty.
Do we vote now? Or do we vote later? We have no constitution that dictates what we should do…
Pic: Beau Bo D’Or
Posted: 19th, October 2007 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (10)
Merlin Helicopter ‘Communicates’ With Au Pair In High Court
THE poverty of the Armed Forces munitions is impacting upon life in Eastbourne and the airspace overhead.
As the Mail reports, it is alleged that a military helicopter did fly over the glass roof of Barry and Anna George’s home and cause £250,000 in damages to their conservatory, an award-winning construction that won an architectural prize in 2000.
It is said at the High Court that the four servicemen in the Merlin helicopter did fly to a height of 500ft or lower to, as the Georges’ brief puts it, “communicate” with the family au pair who was sunbathing.
Judge Jonathan Foster, QC, calls the incident an “alleged frolic”. The MoD’s brief says “a helicopter flying at 500ft or above could not have caused the damage”.
So how high was it flying? Sadly, the piece of equipment that measures the height at which the Merlin was flying was not working at the time.
Which would sound like bad luck were it not part of a sorry tale of melting boots, non-firing guns and night goggles that fail to look through the chink in an insurgent’s curtains to any degree of satisfaction…
Posted: 19th, October 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (3)
Princess Diana Inquest: The Ring Of Truth
“THE PROOF DIANA WAS GETTING ENGAGED?” The Mail is at the Diana inquest and experiences a “sensational new twist”.
Was the £11,600 knuckleduster Dodi Fayed bought meant as an engagement ring, what the receipt FROM Alberto Repossi’s Paris jewellers terms a “bague financaille”? The jurors look on as Dodi purchases the jewel of the Dis-moi oui – ‘Tell me yes’ – range.
The paper calls it the “Riddle of the diamond ring”. And indeed it is a puzzle. Why would the son of a billionaire buy a ring costing just £11,000 for his celebrity lover?
Words like “riddle” and “sensation” are tabloid currency with a value right up there with Turkish lira. But here they have real worth. Was this really what Dodi Fayed was going to give Diana?
Or was it just a token, make-do trinket until the real rock could be excavated and shined?
And if he just wanted any old ring, why not have a Celtic Cross Ring dispatched from his father corner shop at a cost of £139 plus postage and package?
Riddle. Sensation. Both.
Posted: 19th, October 2007 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (32)
Daily Mail Says Only One Quarter Of Germans Admire Nazis
SURVEY of The Day: Daily Mail Nazis
“A QUARTER of Germans believe Nazi rule had its good points,” says the Mail.
Only a quarter? Indeed. Was it not Daily Express owner Richard Desmond who told his peers at the Telegraph that Germans were “all Nazis”?
What’s changed?
A look at the details revels that Germans were asked whether National Socialism had positive aspects, such as “the highway system, elimination of unemployment, low criminality rate and the encouragement of family”.
Of those respondents whose families survived Germany’s streamlined public transport system, purge on unemployment and criminals, sons and daughters of the Joy Division that spread a superior family seed across Europe, 25 per cent said “Jawohl!”
The survey, carried out by Stern magazine, came in response to comments made by Eva Herman, a talk show host who opined that while “there was much that was very bad” about das Herrenvolk there were good things, “for example the high regard for the mother under the Nazis”.
The Mail, whose former owner Harold Harmworth praised “Adolf the Great” and produced the 1934 article “Hurrah for the Blackshirts” does not comment. It only reports.
The Daily Mail sponsors the Ideal Home Show.
Posted: 18th, October 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (2)
Princess Diana Inquest Day 3640 AD (After Diana): An Announcement
“DIANA was about to announce her pregnancy or engagement,” says the Express’s front page.
Readers tutored in the way of society’s upper echelons will wonder why such an announcement was not made first in the Telegraph’s Court Circular page.
(Today’s highlight’s thereon include bulletins that Surgeon Captain David Swain has been “received by Her Majesty” upon relinquishing his appointment as Medical Officer to The Queen abroad and others who “were received in audience by The Queen and kissed hands upon their appointment”.)
Instead, we hear the news via Thierry Orban, a “photo-reporter”. He tells the Diana inquest of a call received from his duty chief editor Guillaume Vallabreque. Says M. Orban: “He told me that there was a rumour of an announcement that Diana was getting married or having a baby and he asked me to go to the Ritz and take a few photos of Diana with Dodi Al Fayed.”
A rumour? We should not be dismissive. Great stories are often based on a nod and a wink. Indeed, the Express has been for a decade running a story that Diana was possibly killed by The Establishment…
Pic: Beau Bo D’Or
Posted: 18th, October 2007 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Her Majesty The Queen Leaves Romsey Flushed With History
HER Majesty’s throne is the subject of much debate. And the Mirror seems outraged that Her Majesty has decided against using the one on offer at the town hall in Romsey, Hants.
The Queen was on a visit to the locale and it was hoped that she would make full use of the facilities, particularly the town hall’s new indoor flushing toilet, installed at cost of £5,000.
Says “angry” town hall clerk Judith Giles: “I told Palace officials the toilets were not pristine but they were clean. They said, ‘You will have to replace it.’ There was no argument.”
“Wee are not amused,” says the Express. The Queen’s three-hour trip to mark the 400th anniversary of the town’s royal charter was the biggest thing to hit Romsey in years.
And the arrival of the new toilet was nothing if not newsworthy, placing the ceramic lid on an historic occasion.
That Her Majesty did not use it should not cast a shadow over events. Good Queen Bess leaves the toilet behind her as gift to the people of that parish.
That they might come and marvel…
Posted: 17th, October 2007 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (4)
The Gods Of Fire: Elvis And Pope John Paul Live
IT’S a vision. The Mail has seen a breve from the Vatican’s News Service. A bonfire has been lit at a service for John Paul II close to his birthplace, at Katowice, Poland.
A Gregorz Lukasiz has taken pictures. “I showed them to my brother and sister and they, like me, were convinced the flames had formed the image of Pope John Paul II”.
An alternative vision:
Posted: 16th, October 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (11)
Twenty Steps To Not Being Fat: Porkers Banned From Going Upstairs
“MY 20 tips to stop your child being obese,” says “Slimline” Sally McDonnell in the Mirror.
She should have made it 20 Steps, thus encouraging the fat to place one foot before the other and move forward in a motion known to millions as “walking”.
But let’s start small. Little steps. And Sally’s top tip is when you come in from school not to have crisps and chocolate. “Have fruit or some rice cakes with a spread like Marmite.”
Tip two is to limit the amount of crisps and snacks; Step 3: buy smaller crisps and snakes; Step 4: eat healthy food (ie not crisps and snacks)…
And so it goes. Until Sally falls upon the novelty called moving.
At no point does Sally decide that being obese is OK and those Americans in the mid-West and a couple of Tonga’s First XV reserves have got it right.
But being fat is wrong. And over in the Sun, readers are met by the headline: “Hospital fatty bar.”
“Fat patients have been banned from a first-floor hospital waiting room – because bosses fear that they could collapse the building.”
It has been decreed that any patient weighing in excess of 30 stone remain on the ground floor of Ealing Hospital, London.
And should under no circumstance should they walk up the stairs, aka the steps…
Posted: 16th, October 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (4)
Junkies Hold A Mirror Up To Golfers
“HEROIN and crack cocaine addicts are being encouraged to play golf at taxpayers’ expense in a bid to beat drugs,” says the Express. A bevy of nodding heads are assembled to say “barking mad”, “It’s all wrong” and “Peter Allis was right”.
But we applaud the plan being played out in Hartlepool. If there is one thing more boring than a recovering drug addict telling you about his drugs high and lows it is a golfer. The initiative is nothing short of ground breaking and with any luck both golfers and junkies will empathise with one another.
They will then experience a collective catharsis and beg decent society for forgiveness…
Posted: 16th, October 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (7)
Terry Wogan’s Point Of View
“I HAVE just watched Points of View with my daughter and my husband. When the camera panned to Terry Wogan, I didn’t know where to look,” says a viewer in the Mail.
“Both my daughter and I (who are in no way prudish) were totally embarrassed to see Terry with very revealing trousers on. I’m sure we can’t have been the only ones to notice.”
Indeed not. All Mail readers can see the cut of Wogan’s slax and hear of the “latest controversy” to ensnare the BBC TV and radio host.
Like them we are both shocked and disgusted and have taken the liberty to publish the offending image and so expose this hideous matter to the white heart of publicity.
Posted: 16th, October 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (12)
John Gaunt’s Muslim Brother: The Islam A Slammer Cab Ride
SUN columnist Jon Gaunt is in a taxi. He hears over the radio that two “filthy child rapists” have had their sentences doubled. “’Four years is STILL no deterrent for child rape,’ I shouted at the radio.”
The driver is a Muslim, says Gaunty. He turns off the radio. He says in a “quiet” voice: “I can’t see why they don’t bring in flogging.”
Says Guanty: “He wasn’t a religious zealot and he wasn’t calling for Sharia law.” Nor was he demanding all Jews be killed, that Abu Hamza be freed or that tabloid journalists stop looking at Muslims as Muslims and not just as citizens of the UK.
“He was just a decent hard-working man like me who wants his wife and daughters protected and rapists and paedophiles punished.”
Gaunty concludes: “My Muslim brother is right.” But did he get a tip?
Posted: 16th, October 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (3)
Princess Diana Inquest Day 3638 AD (After Diana): Do You See The Light?
DIANA Inquest: Anorak’s round-up of the Princess Diana Inquest in the tabloids
DAILY MIRROR front page: “I SAW TWO DIANA HITMEN – Amazing claim at inquest”
Francois Levistre claims a “white flash” was directed at Diana’s Mercedes by two men on a motorbike
As organised hits go, death by blinding flash has it risks. But Levistre is certain. So why did he not get out of his car to help those trapped in the resultant wreckage? “Fear,” says he, “…I thought they were hitmen. We thought the two cyclists had come to kill the people in the car”
The two men got of their bike. They looked into th car window. They left
Pagers 4 and 5: “KILLED IN A FLASH” – Mr Levistre sees a white car enter the tunnel. It does not hit the Mercedes
DAILY EXPRESS front page: “DIANA SENSATION – I SAW ‘HITMAN’ CAUSE CRASH’. Witness Tells how intense flash of light looked like work of professional killer”
No need to guns, poison and a vial of the polonium 210
“The light was if you are caught by police radar,” says the witness. “The light was very powerful. It came into my car. The light was not direct towards me, it was directed towards the car which was behind”
A halo of light?
“Her car ‘bumped another in tunnel’” – Jean-Claude Catheline and wife Annick see two cars enter the Alma Tunnel. One is Diana’s. One is a big black car
DAILY MAIL front page: “Diana and blinding flash in the tunnel”
What is that light at the end of the tunnel?
Page 17: “Bright light flashed at Diana’s car before crash, says witness” – Mr Levistre has given “several different accounts of the incident, the court was told”. He was once held by police in an alleged plot to sell a child (case dismissed). He has been in jail for possessing an illegal weapon
Jean-Claude Catheline recalls seeing Diana’s car entering the tunnel at speed. He turns to the people he was with and says “what an idiot”. The Mercedes was going “so fast”
DAILY STAR page 20: “I FEARED ‘HITMEN’ CAUSED DID CRASH”
THE SUN PAGE 7: “I SAW A WHITE FLASH FORM THE MOTORBIKE IN FRONT OF TH CAR”
“LIMO DRIVER WAS IDIOT”
More to follow…
Posted: 16th, October 2007 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (7)
Copper Pots And Wooden Tops: Police Raid Pub Smoker
THERE is no smoke without fire. And there is no smoking in the Copper Pot pub, Leamington Spa, Warwickshire.
To emphasise the zero-tolerance policy: “Riot squad storms pub after smoker lights up in protest,” says the Mail.
And we are there, immersed in the wood and the larger, sat at a table with Mr John Vaughan. We are watching the cricket. But with only ten minutes left of England’s match against India, the powers that be change the channel to show the preamble before England v Israel in the football.
Indeed, dear reader. The publican has left it late. True fans require at last thee hours of pre-big game enlightenment, without which there is little time to retune the TV and minds to the pundits’ shirts and to fully understand just how huge the match is.
Mr Vaughan is displeased. He complains. But his words are for nought, perhaps drowned out by the BBC’s fan-on-a –sofa Ian Wright screaming “Come On!” and reaching a consensus with the other experts that the game will be tight and scoring early is important.
“So I decided to light up out of protest,” says Vaughan. Things are said between smoker and bar staff. “They pressed a panic button and the next thing I knew there were six policemen in the pub and two outside.”
They storm the pub. We’ve seen the headline. The police tell Mr Vaughan he is in the wrong. He agrees to leave. Riot shields down. Boots unsullied. Dogs unfed.
Says a spokesman: “They explained why he should not be smoking, asked him to leave and he did so happily.”
We are all of us, criminals and non-smokers alike, Breathless with excitement…
Pic: Chi Chi
Posted: 15th, October 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (3)
Britney Spears Turns to Michael Jackson For Parenting Tips
TROUBLED Britney Spears is in the Star. In “BRITNEY: WACKO IS PERFECT DAD”, readers learn that Troubled Britney has turned to Michael Jackson for parenting advice.
The message is clear: if you look like an iffy parent, not all that good with children, seek out someone who seems worse. Ian Huntley is in jail. Britney turns to Jackson.
As Britney is said to have told a source: “He never lost his kids.”
And: “Britney is hoping he might be able to help her out. And, of course, a few days out of the limelight at Neverland would also be revealing break.”
Neverland is Jackson’s former home in California. It offers sanctuary to Britney. As the Star reports, she is only able to spend one night a week with her two sons. And what better place to share their limited time together than at the former main residence of a man who hung onto his family despite dangling little Blanket over a balcony and facing child abuse allegation (not guilty)?
The kids will love it. But if the little Spears don’t fancy the trip in mum’s car, Britney could always borrow from her parenting mentor and hire a couple of stage school children or dwarves and equip them with head scarves and blankets.
And consider a tetanus shot before using the rides…
Posted: 15th, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (14)
Tabloid Headline Of The Day: Daily Mail
TABLOID headline of the day: “RISE OF THE DIY DENTIST” – The Mail front page
Posted: 15th, October 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (2)
Troubled Britney Spears Will Drive Off A Cliff
BRITNEY Spears is dead. But “Troubled Britney Spears” continues to make headlines. And today the News of the World brings us: “Britney: ‘I’ll drive off cliff’.”
Know: “Hysterical BRITNEY SPEARS threatened to kill herself by driving off a CLIFF.”
We join the action as Troubled Britney is sat in a car with her estranged husband, Kevin Federline.
The NOTW sees Troubled Britney and K-Ferret motoring down Mulholland Drive. Our attention is draw toward “huge drop that line the bendy road”.
It is what Hollywood types call a Cliffhanger.
Troubled Britney turns to K-Ferret. Says she: “I’m going to drive off the cliff! It’s going to be your fault that I killed myself.”
The words resonate within the car – and reverberate the way to the NOTW’s offices in a less salubrious part of London.
And Troubled Britney’s battered white Fiat Uno drives on…
Posted: 14th, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5)
Tabloid Headline Of The Day
Tabloid headline of the day: “TV WILLIE BROKE MY HEART”
The People leads with: “The ex-husband of Strictly Come Dancing star Willie Thorne’s beauty queen wife has told of his heartbreak at losing her to the snooker ace”
Princess Diana Inquest Day 3635 AD (After Diana): Dr Hasnat Khan
“WHY am I not at Diana inquest?” asks the Sun’s headline. It’s a question each of us asks ourselves.
But before it is your turn to speak, the Sun hears from Dr Hasnat Khan. He had a two-year affair with Diana. It ended only three months before her death in 1997. The Sun says the couple “shared nights of passion at his bachelor flat in Chelsea and inside Kensington Palace”.
He is “Princess Diana’s heart surgeon lover” and yesterday he “broke his ten-year silence”.
He’s been silent for a decade? One images, struck dumb by so much pain. Says he: “I am not a legal man so I don’t know a lot about these things, but I was surprised that nobody called me. I would have attended if I had been asked.”
So he wants to speak. He does not need permission. Ours is a free nation, a bastion of free speech. Speak out. Give full throat to your news.
Says he: “We’ve all moved on.”
She was pregnant by you?
“The whole matter has been unfortunate and tragic for many people who were involved.”
She was going to finish with Dodi and marry you?
“I want to get away from all of this.”
We hear you. ‘Nuff said.
More to follow…
Posted: 13th, October 2007 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (9)
The Biggest Boobs In Westminster: Jacqui Smith’s Knockers
JACQUI Smith, Home Secretary, has “hit out at male colleagues who ogle her cleavage (see all pictures) and “smutty journalists who obsess about her low-cut tops (see all pictures)”.
Sun readers know that a big chest equates to a big idea, and just today Peta thinks it is right police “probe” the Cardiff scandal. Says she: “The NHS bosses in charge at the time have a lot of questions to answer.” (Insert joke about taking down particulars here.)
Peta may one day stand for parliament, brandishing her manifestos in one had and picking the gusset out of her backside with the other.
But that for later. For now, to honour our Smith, the Sun produces a Downing Street honies section, taking a look at rivals for Smith’s attention. Welcome to “Breastminster”.
“Shadow Commons leader Theresa May has her knockers”.
Nadine Dorries has a Mid Beds constituency and a “massive majority”. “Don’t mention Bazookas” to Claire Short, who’s fervently anti-war. Diane Abbott is “well out in front”. Caroline Flint is anti-binge drinking and “not fond of large jugs”. “Barking” Margaret Hodge is MP for Barking. And Ann Widdecombe “gives a couple of good reasons why there’s a Double D in her surname” – if not why she has two Es.
Of course, this entirely sexist. And thanks to diet, lack of exercise and male emancipation, many male MPs can sit on the front benches. And boob…
Posted: 12th, October 2007 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (4)
Dear Prudence: Is That Heather Mills And Paul McCartney?
THAT is Lady Heather Mills on the Mirror’s front cover. We who are versed in Mills’ Die Freuden Der Liebe, a study in Anglo-German relations and baby oil, know it to be her.
Others may mistake her for other beleaguered blondes in the news, namely Princess Diana and Kate McCann. But we can confirm that it is Heather and that she is blonde.
The Sun remains uncertain, however. It notes that ‘Heather’ arrived at London’s high court covered in a blanket.
And when inside the courtroom, chairs are pushed up against the door and the spy hole covered up with tape. The “giant wooden doors” are locked.
But it is Heather. We worked it out.
But in “WE CAN’T WORK IT OUT”, the Mirror says Mills and her estranged husband Paul McCartney have failed to reach a divorce settlement after eight hours of negotiations.
“They are still miles and miles apart,” says an insider.
But this is Paul McCartney, right? We’d recognise the man who told us that all you need is love anywhere?
He’s leaving the court. He’s flashing the crowd a ‘V’ for victory smile. He’s still got a shirt on his back. And he’s leading one and all in a spiritual rendition of Dear Prudence…
Posted: 12th, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (10)
Troubled Britney Spears Gets A Star
BRITNEY Spears remains “Troubled“. Troubled Britney Spears” is in the Star on account of her having told “stunnded pals”, who confided in OK! USA: “I don’t give a sh*t any more. I never wanted them in the first place.”
We make no apologies for the censoring of “sh*t”.
We are all too aware that the kind of people who read OK! and the Daily Star, two organs owned by Richard Desmond’s stable, would not appreciate stumbling upon vulgarity. The Express being “THE WORLD’S GREATEST NEWSPAPER”.
As such , we advise them against looking at Demsond’s other productions, namely Television X (featuring Filipino Sucky Fucky), Red Hot TV (Barely legal beauties) and the sink of filth that is Talk Sport radio…
Posted: 11th, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Amy Winehouse Feeds the World
MICHAEL Buerk should cover Amy Winehouse’s nights out.
It was BBC man Buerk’s lot to journey to Ethiopia and beam back pictures of the starving and the displaced. It was painful viewing.
And the Star lacks Buerk’s gravitas, although it makes a decent fist of showing Winehouse on a night out with less-than-weighty Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen.
And there’s Amy’s husband Blake Fielder–Civil, a man who sounds like a provincial solicitor practice and dressed in grey blazer, black jeans and beige Burberry raincoat looks not unlike a provincial solicitor.
The Star reports that he “did the chivalrous thing” and escorted skinny model Lily Cole home after a night out. Or as the Mirror puts it: “HEARTBREAKER – Amy’s man storms off with top model.”
Amy has flown into a “jealous rage”. She and Blake have engaged in a “massive bust-up”. They are locked in a toilet cubicle at London’s Harvey Nichols department store. They are “screaming at each other”.
“People waiting to use the loos were just standing there open-mouthed”, says the Star. (Well, when you’ve got to go…)
Anyone wishing to enlarge upon this story is invited to do so with some urgency…
Posted: 11th, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (6)
Gordon Brown Grimaces And Bears It: Bet On Him To Lose
“I COULD take you and show you one of our bottle banks,” says Bob Neill, a Tory MP at yesterday’s Prime Minister’s Question Time. Gordon Brown gulps.
David Cameron then invites Gordon Brown to “discover a bit of bottle”. Gordon Brown, as the Times says is suffering a “mauling”.
The Independent’s Simon Carr notes: “PM’s image is falling to pieces before our eyes.” Shattering. Carr sees Brown as bear tied to a snake, the dogs snapping at him. The Times’ Ann Treneman sees the “Beast of Downing Street” crash and burn. Brown is possessed of the “incoherent fury of a wounded grizzly bear”.
And in the Mirror? “PM Battles back after savaging in the Commons.” Brown hit back “demolishing Tory plans. The Mirror sees “playground name-calling”. Cameron is “puerile”. Cameron is “silly”.
The Mirror would only say more, but will not swear, it will not stoop to Cameron’s standards and get “pissed” off with him. “The Tory leader seemingly forgot he was supposed to be above Punch & Judy politics as he shouted insult after insult at the Prime Minister yesterday.”
And to emphasise just how pure and anti-swearing Brown’s Labour are, the Indy shows us that John Burton, former constituent agent to Tony Blair, has been suspended from Sedgefield council for swearing.
Mr Burton is said to have told a Mr Kester Noble, the then Labour deputy deader of Sedgefield County Council: “I’m putting fucking pressure on you.”
So Mr Burton has been suspended. And, no, the story does not make it into the Mirror. What with the language and all, who can blame it…?
Latest odds: Gordon Brown is 4-1 to no longer lead his party between April and June 2009 – David Cameron is 6-1.
Pic: Beau Bo D’Or
Posted: 11th, October 2007 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comment
