Tabloids Category
The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.
Karen Matthews: a damp squib and other fireworks from the UK’s ‘most hated mum’
Karen Matthews – ‘the UK’s most hated mum’ (source: Daily Mirror) is talking through a “pal” with an impeccable memory to the Daily Mirror.
In “I need plastic surgery for my own safety” readers see a picture of Karen, the woman convicted of kidnapping her daughter for cash. Like most of you, we too had forgotten what Karen Matthews looked like. and with her dyed hair, gained weigh, new name, Bible group mates and living far away from her native Dewsbury, it would have been easy to have ignored here. But the Mirror somehow managed to spot her and her anonymous friend, and now Karen says she is living in fear.
Over page 4 and 5, we are told in an emotive headline, “People scream nonce at me in the street… but I think I deserve everything I get.”
Karen is “trying to build a new life for herself…but there are clearly many who are not ready to forgive or forget”. Given that headline, one of them seems to be Karen herself.
People have thrown fireworks at Karen (bangers, since you ask). She is “hounded”. So she needs to have her face rearranged. Well, a bit of it at least: “I would love to get plastic surgery, make my nose small so nobody would recognise me.” She was “attacked” in prison. “They hit me with a snowball,” says Karen.
The Mirror says on Page 12 that Karen Matthew getting plastic surgery on the NHS is “a question for public debate”. And Karen “deserves a fair hearing”.
Lest you still not think the Mirror is spinning a story around Karen Matthews to flog you her memoirs, Lucy Thornton tells us: “My sympathy then loathing for Karen has turned to pity.”
And if there’s enough interest, it’ll turn to a book deal.
Posted: 13th, December 2016 | In: Reviews, Tabloids | Comment
There’s No One Quite Like Piers Morgan: Cruz Beckham and deprived kids attacked over cynical stunt
David and Victoria Beckham “pimped out Cruz for Xmas,” declares the Daily Star. The 11-year-old has released a Christmas single. And morning TV presenter Piers Morgan is aghast. Morgan says the “sickening” and “cynical” single is a “tool” to “boost Brand Beckham”.
Consider it boosted. On page 3, there’s more on Cruz and his new manager, a bloke called Scooter who also manages Justin Bieber.
The Mirror leads with “Too young?”, inviting readers to consider if the world needs another child singing sensation with a Christmas hit. Wasn’t the St Winifred’s School Choir’s seasonal smash hit There’s No One Quite Like Grandma enough?
Over pages 14 and 15, the Mirror asks, “Is it too soon for Cruz Beckham to be a Spice Boy?”
As the Mirror considers the 11-year-old’s career to date – miracle birth; being given a surname for a first name; growing hair; 7 times table – deep in the story we learn that Cruz is doing it for charity. Proceeds from his song will help disadvantaged young children.
Would you see Cruz silenced and the bairns go without? It’s not about him. It’s about them. Although it might really be about Piers Morgan.
Posted: 8th, December 2016 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Transfer balls: Arsenal trigger bidding war as Chelsea and China chase Alexis Sanchez
Arsenal forwards Alexis Sanchez is on his way to Chelsea. Maybe. The Mirror leads with news that should Arsenal fails to give Sanchez the massive pay hike he wants, Chelsea will dip him, his dog, his mum and his house in Russian gold.
The root of this story is not guessology, but something close to it. The Mirror says Chelsea manager Antonio Conte really likes Sanchez, arguably the Premier League’s best player. And, er, that’s it.
This ‘news’ follows yesterday’s ‘news’ that Chinese investors are willing to spirit Sanchez to the Far East an pay him £400,000-a-week to kick a ball. You’d imagine that any club willing to pay that much will also pay an enormous transfer fee.
As Arsenal wonder what Sanchez is worth if someone is willing to pay him £50m a year, the rest of the media slavishly follow the Mirror’s fact-free scoop:
“Arsenal and Chelsea fans lose their minds on Twitter as Sanchez is linked with Blues move” – Express
“Chelsea prepare swoop for Alexis Sanchez amid contract stalemate” – IBTimes
“Chelsea chase Gunners superstar Alexis” – The Sun
Of course, we only know about the Chinese interest because Sanchez’s people have dropped it into conversation with Arsenal over a new deal. It’s a bit desperate from them. If he fancies it, he’d already have agreed to go and Arsenal would be talking about that massive transfer fee.
So Sanchez won’t head to China. He’ll stay in Europe, and if he and Arsenal are smart he’ll stay at the Emirates and earn closer to the £200,000 a week he wants.
Posted: 8th, December 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Chelsea, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Making an ‘ordeal’ over Matt Le Tissier’s naked massage
Former Southampton FC “legend” Matt Le Tissier is the latest name linked to the stories of historical sexual abuse in football. Le Tissier claims he was given a “naked massage” by former youth team coach Bob Higgins. The Sun says “at least six Southampton starlets” have made complaints about former Saints youth team coach Bob Higgins.
The Mail leads with “LE TISSIER: MY NAKED ORDEAL”. Says Le Tissier to the BBC: “Everyone was kind of naked and getting thrown on this bed…and a very quick massage. It was uncomfortable.” He adds: “You look back and it was wrong.”
It does sound odd and unnerving. But to put it in the same bracket as the horrors endured by victims of people like child abuser and former football coach Barry Bennell is also odd. Le Tissier never says he was abused. He tweets: “For the record, I’ve never felt like I’ve been abused. Still don’t… I’m all good just state what happened.”
The moment has not defined his life. Was it an ordeal? The papers all agree with the Mail that it was.
The Daily Star’s front-page headline yells “Matt nude ‘rub’ anger”. Inside we read, “Le Tiss Ordeal Fury.”
Does Le Tissier sound angry or furious? Not at all. He sounds measured and thoughtful. “It’s pretty disgusting,” he says. “What went on is not normal behaviour. When you hear the stories of naked soapy massages, hairy bum competitions… you look back at it now and think ‘hang on, what was going on?’. Obviously boys talk at that age, they take the Mickey, it kind of gets covered up as a bit of banter at that stage. But as you grow into an adult, you look at it and think ‘that’s not right’.”
The Sun leads with: “Matt Le Tissier BombShell – Youth coach gave me disgusting naked massage.”
Over pages 54 and 55, readers are told of the “SAINTS LEGEND’S ORDEAL”.
The media all agree: it was an ordeal.
On the Mirror’s front page we see Le Tissier. On Page 11, down in paragraph 5, we read: “Le Tissier said he never felt like he’d been abused.” He’s a victim but unaware he was one? The Sun goes further: “Le Tissier said he was not abused.”
Having read of Le Tissier’s “ordeal”, over pages 74 and 75, the Mail says, “90 minutes in dark room with coach still haunts me.” We hear from former Southampton youth team player Les Cleevely. What happened to him in that room should be the matter for the police, not for our titillation? “Les Cleevely does not elaborate greatly on what happened during one and a half hours in a darkened room with… Bob Higgins, but the affect it had on his life is profound,” says the paper.
It’s not until paragraph twelve that we get to know about Higgins’ alleged crimes. In 1992, he was “cleared of sexual abuse charges”. The Mail says he has “declined to comment on the latest claims surrounding paedophilia in football, but denies all allegations of abuse”.
We are told that at age 13, Cleevely claims he was given “a soapy massage by Higgins”. Les Cleevely then says: “My hour-and-a-half experience in a dark room was horrendous in itself but to have anything else happen is the stuff of nightmares.”
We are left fearing and imagining, but not knowing.
And the fear is fanned and spread by Harry Redknapp. “Rumours were going round at that time and there was a programme I watched where this young guy spoke about Bob Higgins and the type of stuff he was dong with kids at Southampton and I thought that would be the end of him,” says Redknapp. The paper then adds, ‘Redknapp was adamant there “must have been people at Saints who heard rumours about Higgins”.’
But through the fog of suspicion settling on everyone at Southampton FC, Redknapp then adds: “But until you can actually prove something or there’s a bit of evidence, it’s very difficult.”
Well, yes. Claims need to be investigated. Barriers to justice, charges, trials and verdicts navigated. What we have is suspicion. We are being invited to mistrust everyone. What happened in those 90 minutes should be in the hands of the police.
What we want is to get to the truth and for justice to be done and seen to be done – not for everyone who has ever worked in football to be a suspect.
Media balls: BBC blamed for Manchester United and Manchester City hype
In “MANCS FOR NOTHING”, the Mirror’s Dave Kidd looks at how Manchester United and Manchester City have failed to live up to the hype.
“Remember all that Pep Guardiola v Jose Mourinho hype,” he begins. We do.
“Remember how Manchester became the undisputed centre of the football universe?” We do.
Kidd then tells us who we can blame for all that balls. “Maybe we were all sucked in by the famously agenda-driven Manchester-centric media, led by Salford- based BBC Sport, who persuaded us to ignore poor unfashionable London”.
Kidd tell us that the biased media ignored Chelsea boss Antonio Conte, whose side are top of the Premier League.
To which we ask one question of our own: is the Mirror part of the Manchester-centric media?
September 5 2016: The Mirror asked: “Jose and Pep are set to renew acquaintances… but is the Manchester derby the world’s biggest?
September 8: “It’s his first Manchester derby, and even at this early stage it’s a game that could have a bearing on the outcome of the Premier League.”
September 8: “Jose Mourinho and Pep Guardiola have made Manchester derby even bigger.”
September 9: “Clash of the titans: Pep vs Mou XVII.”
With just over 24 hours now until kick-off, Mourinho and Guardiola clash once again in one of modern football’s most engrossing rivalries in recent times.
Throughout the rest of the day we will be reminding you of the past encounters between the Special One and the master of tiki-taka as they bid for supremacy in both Manchester and the Premier League.
September 10: “Manchester City’s derby display proved why we are so lucky to have bewitching Pep Guardiola in English football.”
September 16: “I believe City are English football’s best hope of winning the Champions League this season – that’s mainly because of the Pep factor.”
What no Conte?
Expect more hype as soon as City and United start winning matches again.
Posted: 6th, December 2016 | In: Back pages, Manchester City, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Scarlett Moffatt: the fix, the fake, the OK! wedding and shoes you can see your titties in
Now that Scarlett Moffatt is a bonafide celebrity on account of her victory in I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!, instead of just a ‘normal’ young woman watching them on the Gogglebox telly, the tabloids set about here. Over pages 4 and 5, the Star labels Scarlett a “Fake”. “Lift selfies show champ was milking it big time,” says one headline. “Queen Scarlett Faked Her Fear,” thunders another.
Scarlett Moffatt and Vicky Pattison have “kicked off a fierce rivalry” we’re told. How so? “Last year’s winner [that’s Vicky] was blasted for ‘plonking’ the crown on new queen Scarlett’s head.” And that’s not all. At the after show party Vicky and Scarlett “were not snapped together”.
Having positioned two young women as catty rivals – plus ca change – the Star then turns to the fakery. “Apparently pictures of Scarlett in a lift prove she was faking it when she told her “celebrity pals throughout the show she had a phobia of confined spaces”. You might argue that being “sealed inside a coffin like space” and “covered in creepy-crawlies” is not quite the same as pouting in a lift. But Scarlett is quoted as having said: “I feel I can do this because I might finally be able to go in lifts.”
Like Tom Cruise’s lifts, what goes up, will eventually come down, so we get news that this is “the latest in a string of claims that the show was fixed in her favour.” You mean it’s edited? You mean it’s not a fly on the gonads slice of life? You mean focusing on the single young woman gets more viewers than listening to the sixty-something bit-part EastEnders actor moaning at the needy middle-aged bloke off the mid-morning property show?
I mean would Danny Baker be subject to the Sun’s front-page headline, “I’ll spend winnings on caravan and new boobs”? Says Danny, sorry Scarlett: “Now thats I’ve lost weight, and my titties are cleaning my shoes, I would like them lifted to where they are meant to be.” All over Page 3?
And on the Mirror’s Page 1, where the boring bloke whose girlfriend shagged John Terry (allegedly), sorry, Scarlett is talking of her fantasy “Willy Wonka wedding”. She wants a wedding just like Jordan and Peter Andre’s do. Yeh, she wants OK! to pay for it.
Of course Scarlett was installed as ITV’s preferred winner. The rest of them were a mixture of man-children, TV-creations with lower profiles than a soup spoon and dullards. As the Sun says, out of 500 visits to the Bush Telegraph room, “whip-smart” Scarlett made 104 of them. She talked to us. And we enjoyed listening to her.
Posted: 6th, December 2016 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Tabloids | Comment
Scarlett Moffatt on her way to marriage, a first million and tabloid fame
Ant is delighted
“Find out what Scarlett Moffat will not next,” says the Daily Star on its front page. Judging by the picture of the Googlebox star and now I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! winner in her bra and knickers, we’d says ‘put some cloths on’ or ‘catch a cold’. On page 4 and 5, Scarlett is a “Celebridey”. Aha! She’s going to get married!
Scarlett Moffatt is “heading down the aisle”, says the paper in an “exclusive”. Well, it is to anyone not following Luke Crodden, Scarlett’s boyfriend, on twittter, and didn’t see him tweet: “I think I wanna marry you @ScarlettMoffatt.” If that was a proposal, it’s one Scarlett didn’t see on account of her being in a televised jungle clearing with neither phone signal nor phone.
The Mirror, which also leads with Scarlett, says she’s in line for a £1m deal. In an “exclusive” Halina Watts, says Scarlett has “revealed her big plan for the future – to team up with Ant and Dec. Imagine handing out with those boys all day and having a laugh,”says Scarlett, exclusively in the Mirror. “I’d love it.”
That’s not all that exclusive to Daily Star readers who read the exact same dream on November 22, then billed as her “threesome” with Ant and Dec. Scarlett fans will have read that before when she said it in her book published last April.
Exclusive – Daily Mirror December 5 2016
Not exclusive – Daily Star November 22, 2016
Over in the Star, we read that Scarlett is due to earn £1m in endorsements and TV deals. As well she might. Last year’s I’m A Celebrity winner Vicky Pattison told the Mirror in March 2016: “I’ve just about hit the 7-figure mark for the first time. But I’m being wise with my money. I’ve been very well advised and I’m turning myself into a bit of a property tycoon.”
Find out what Scarlett does next by visiting her local estate agency.
Posted: 5th, December 2016 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment
Madeleine McCann: four months to find her, kidnapped to order and important news
Madeleine McCann: a look at reporting on the missing child.
Having led with “important” news on the hunt for the missing child only yesterday, the Sun makes not a single mention of the child. The Express, however, leads with the story on its cover. “NEW TWIST IN POLICE HUNT FOR MADELEINE McCANN,” declares the paper, the words hanging by a familiar picture of the child.
On Page 7, we get to the news. Below stories about Scarlett Moffatt winning I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! and a new treatment for Parkinson’s disease, we read: “Did people-traffickers snatch Maddy?” To which the only sensible answer is: Dunno. Did they?
New funding for the police search for Madeleine McCann will investigate a tip that she could have been kidnapped by people smugglers. The child “may have been photographed with her parents son the beach by a ‘spotter’ for a gang,” says the paper. Or may not have been. We don’t know. It’s a theory. A “police source” is quoted: “It raises hope that she could still be alive.” After that a “friend” of Madeleine’s parents Kate and Gerry McCann is quoted: “There is definite hard evidence that this is happening and they have looked into the fact someone was targeting children and may well have been sterling children to order.”
In the Star, on Page 15, readers are told, “MADDIE: 4 MOTHS TO FIND HER.” That’s how long British police have been given to locate the child who vanished in May 2007. The paper says “detectives have changed their minds about what happened “. They no longer believe she was “snatched by burglars during botched raids on the family’s holiday apartment”. They now think child-traffickers may be behind the disappearance. A “source” unnamed, as ever – says this is the “last roll of the dice”.
It’s the “last chance” to find the child, says the Mail on its page 14. Police want to “work out if she was kidnapped to order”. The paper adds that “no trace of her has ever been found”. Readers are told that the parents “were ultimately forced to raise funds for teams of private detective to chase a barrage of often spurious tip-offs”. And that the the “child trafficking theory was first raised in 2007 by private detectives who believed there could have been gang ‘spotters’ working on the resort.”
Believed. Could. But no facts.
As for four months to find the child, the Mail says when the public funding for the police search ends on April 1 2017, more money will be provided if “investigators have evidence that the few remaining leads are worth pursuing”.
Madeleine McCann went missing in 2007. Such are the facts.
Posted: 5th, December 2016 | In: Madeleine McCann, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment
Madeleine McCann: the ‘important lead’, unnamed sources and sexual exploitation
Madeleine McCann: a look at reporting on the missing child.
The Sun (front page): ” MADDIE GANG PROBE Cops given cash to probe ‘important’ new lead that Maddie was snatched by people trafficking gang.”
Important enough for the paper’s front page – but not ‘important’ enough to avoid those inverted commas.
The rest of the Press follow the Sun’s lead.
The Mirror: ‘Madeleine McCann cops chasing ‘important new lead’ as investigation reaches “last roll of the dice”.’
The Indy: “Scotland Yard set to investigate ‘important’ new lead in disappearance of Madeleine McCann.”
Daily Mail: “Scotland Yard given extra funding to probe ‘important’ new lead over theory that Madeleine McCann was kidnapped by trafficking gang.”
It’s important. Maybe.
Over pages 4 and 5, readers are told more.
The development is being taken so seriously that senior Whitehall officials have been briefed by the Met on its progress.
Well, the hunt for the missing child has cost a lot of public money. Maybe the bean counters are worried about a lack of value for their investment?
And what of the breakthrough?
Detectives are following a tip that a gang of European traffickers snatched the tot after taking pictures of her. It could end up proving that she is still alive, nearly ten years after she vanished.
Everyone sane would like this story to have a happy ending. But how can anything prove the child is alive other than her being found?
As with so much to do with this story, an unnamed source is quoted:
A source said: “This is an important new line of inquiry which could provide an explanation on whether Madeleine was abducted and transported away. It raises hope that she could still be alive.”
Surely we only know if the new tip is important if it comes up with evidence that explains what happened to Madeleine McCann.
Retired Yard detective Colin Sutton said the extra money for the last line of inquiry means “there must be something worthwhile”.
Who needs evidence when you’re a retired detective?
The Sun adds: “Reports following Madeleine’s disappearance suggested she could have been taken to Belgium or Morocco in North Africa.”
But we have seen no evidence that she was.
But this is interesting:
The Met’s clubs and vice unit received a tip that the ring had placed an order for a “young girl” just three days before Madeleine went missing. Leicestershire Police, who at that point led the Operation Task effort to help find Madeleine, were also informed.
Is there any evidence to support the story?
In 2011, police in Portugal smashed a trafficking ring snatching young women and underage girls in the Algarve and Aveiro, in the north of the country.
The Portugal Resident has more:
An operation to crack down on human trafficking has led to the arrests of 12 men identified as being part of a criminal network in the Algarve and Aveiro, in the north of Portugal.The ring is believed to be responsible for the sexual exploitation of many young women in the Algarve, some of them underage, who were being coerced into acting as prostitutes in the region
Go on:
During the operation, 30 Romanian women were identified as possible victims of human trafficking.
The SEF, Portugal’s immigration and border service, added:
“The movement of the prostitutes between different networks hindered the police and judicial authorities in being able to conduct a criminal investigation but authorities in Spain, Italy, the UK and Germany cooperated with us with the assistance of Europol in this case.”
Algarve Social Democrat (PSD) MP Mendes Bota was unimpressed with the suspects’ treatment:
Speaking to Lusa News Agency on Monday this week, Mendes Bota claimed that, “a few days after they were arrested”, the majority of the individuals detained by SEF Immigration Officers during the February bust “were released by a judge who decided that they should await their trial, who knows when [the trial will commence], unrestrained.”
We can’t find any news on any trail.
Such are the facts.
Posted: 4th, December 2016 | In: Madeleine McCann, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment
Arsenal balls: Ralph Hasenhuttl has not replaced Arsene Wenger
As headlines go, the Sun’s is unequivocal: “RALPH HAS THE JOB”. The paper reports that Arsene Wenger is to replaced as Arsenal manager by Ralph Hasenhuttl. Reading on, we get more facts: “Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger to be replaced by RB Leipzig coach Ralph Hasenhuttl.”
Wow! Wenger’s finally been given the heave-ho.
As Gunners fans look up Hasenhuttl, the Sun whispers, “Austrian sensationally confirms he could takeover the Gunners.”
Could?
The Sun adds: “Austrian chief, who has led his side to the top of the Bundesliga table, claims he may take over at the Emirates next season.”
May?
The facts that had Arsenal fans excited are now less than factual.
So how did the Sun gets the story? Well, the Austrian appears to have seen q story in the Sun that he’s bene linked to the Arsenal job and responded:
“It was a well-researched story. There was a lot of truth to it. I have heard of worse fates than succeeding the longest-serving manager in England. It’s not damaging my reputation, is it? We don’t have to put too much thought into [the Arsenal job]. I have found my luck here.”
Which bits contained truth and which bits contained non-truths, Hasenhuttl didn’t say.
Posted: 2nd, December 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
On Daily Mail migrants from Barcelona and Andrew Sachs
In its front-page farewell to Andrew Sachs, known chiefly for his work as Manuel, the well-intentioned and hapless Spanish waiter in Fawlty Towers, the Mail juxtaposes the actor’s portrait by the news “MIGRANT NUMBERS HIT NEW RECORDS”.
The Mail fails to say how many migrants hail from Barcelona.
PS: Andrew Sachs was born in Berlin in 1930.
Posted: 2nd, December 2016 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
Kids find something funny about Miss Butt in London school
We are at a loss. Cultural imperialism is rife. The Sun reports on “mum” Priscilla Terumalai, who was “hauled” into Mayville Primary School in Leytonstone, East London, to explain why her 5-year-old daughter and her classmates had been giggling at their teacher: Miss Butt. For some reason, the figurative blighters found the name funny.
Indeed, dear reader, this is grim news. Miss Bottom, Miss Gluteus Maximus or Miss Arse would all be more suited to triggering laughter at a traditional British school. Miss Butt is so Americanised. It can’t be long before the kids are finding Miss Booty-Call hilarious.
Anyhow, Priscilla says the school is unhappy that Miss Butt was the butt of the kids’ laughter and may now move her children Annalise and Destiny to… Yes, Destiny.
Stop that! Stop that laughing. Stop it now!
PS: the local newspaper began its report: “A MOTHER says she feels ‘intimidated’ by a school after a teacher became the butt of her daughter’s humour.”
Free speech. No butts.
Posted: 1st, December 2016 | In: Reviews, Strange But True, Tabloids | Comment
I’m A Celebrity: Ola Jordan in tabloid sex toy pregnancy shocker
The Daily Star has news on Ola Jordan, the former Strictly Come Dancing hoofer now being portrayed as a sex goddess, as her her contract with high-street seller of martial aides. On its front page the Star tells readers “randy dance babe” Ola “leapt straight into bed” with her husband “minutes” after getting voted off I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here.
Like most of you, we thought pot-eviction the celeb were duty bound to chat with Ant and Dec. Maybe it was foursome? As we wonder what foe son just off camera, over pages 4 and 5 we see Ola and hear her reveals all about the sex – “He did get a kiss and a cuddle.”
But that’s not all. The Star has how it”exclusively revealed that Ola was set to become a mum after her jungle stint and last night the star confirmed the news.”
Wow! She went into the jungle knowing she was pregnant? Er, no. Says Ola: “Yes I would like to be a mum one day.” Best give those “sex toys” a rest, love. They don’t come pre-loaded.
Posted: 30th, November 2016 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
Manchester United balls: Why everything’s ‘wrong’ at Old Trafford (it’s not Mourinho)
“What wrong at Old Trafford,” asks the Sun’s Neil Curtis? Nothing. Manchester United are in great shape. This we know because on 6th September 2016 Neil Curtis told us about the “RED-OLUTION” at Old Trafford. “Jose Mourinho has turned Manchester United around to become the force of old in just three months,” said Curtis. Mourinho has “lifted the clouds” at United. “Mourinho is trusting the players abilities, letting them breathe.”
Today Curtis tells us that Manchester United have had their “worst start to a season in 27 years”. Why? Well, it’s not because Jose Mourinho is failing. It’s about him “unpicking Louis Van Gaal’s philosophy”. That would be Van Gaal who unpicked David Moyes’ philosophy. (You can read more about Jose’s philosophy here.)
Curtis adds that United have “NO TOP-CLASS STRIKER”. Really. Because Curtis wrote:
In his £250m splurge, LVG made two that excited but could not get the best out of either in Angel Di Maria and Memphis Depay. Mourinho has made four and so far Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Paul Pogba and Eric Bailly have been immediate hits.
And:
Zlatan Ibrahimovic has got his Manchester United career off to a blistering start
Another reasons: “NEW SIGNINGS STRUGGLING.” So much for Mourinho’s “immediate hits”.
And finally, lest you think Curtis will blame Mourinho, he asks himself: “Have they got the right manager?” “In my opinion,” says Curtis, “most definitely they have.”
Next question is one of ours: Would Manchester United fans prefer to have signed Jurgen Klopp or Pep Guardiola instead of the chippy Mourinho?
Over in the Mail, you can read: “Inside the troubled World of Mourinho – An obsessive man at odds with himself and his players.” So much for the RED-VOLUTION.
Posted: 29th, November 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
The Arsenal star and Little Mix singer’s secret dates at The Emirates
The Sun has news that Perrie Edwards, a singer with X-Factor products Little Mix, has been on “dates” with Arsenal footballer Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain. Apparently, she watched Arsenal play Spurs from Alex’s “personal box at the Emirates’ Stadium”. Perrie sat in the wingback seats at the Emirates library after browsing the club shop.
We then learn that Perrie is “keen to keep the relationship quiet”. An unnamed source hammers this point hime by opining in the national tabloid: “They don’t follow each other on social media as they know a connection might give the game away.”
Better to sit in the player’s own box amid 60,000 other souls at a televised football match to keep it on the hush-hush.
PS: This is how the Sun followed up its scoop:
Rose Hill writes:
LITTLE Mix’s Perrie Edwards showed that she was fully over her ex Luke Pasqualino – by wearing her new man’s team colours as she hit the stage in Italy.
Here’s the replica Arsenal strip Perrie wore:
Arsenal play in red and white. Edwards is wearing red and black.
Such are the facts.
Posted: 25th, November 2016 | In: Arsenal, Celebrities, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Dr Morton’s rings The Donald Trump Death Cult
More on the Donald Trump Death Cult – an occasional look at media chatter on Trump’s demise. The Star being news that the US President-elect will “DIE ON THE JOB”. Jeff Farrell hears that that Trump is at “Significant risk” of dying – “if the workload as the next US president does not give him a heart attack, his missus could”.
This news comes from two medics.
First up is Dr Karen Morton, billed as a “cardiologist”. There is no word that she’s ever met Trump let alone treated him. But Dr Karen has seen enough to tells us that Melania Trump will “make certain demands as a young woman in her prime”. Lest you think Dr Karen is a ghoul, she adds, “Let’s hope he doesn’t die on the job.”
The second expert is Dr Patrick Heck. He’s quoted as having told a medial conference: “He [Trump] is surely at a significant risk of a heart attack”.
Over the Express, Dr Karen is no longer a cardiologist, but “Gynaecologist Dr Karen Morton, of Dr Mortons”.
Dr Morton’s is a private medial service. We were quoted a fee of £10 per minute to speak to a doctor, after registering. An email consultation will set us back £25. The receptionist told us that, to the best of her knowledge, Dr Morton has not treated Donald Trump, father to a young child who will be surely delighted to know that such fine minds are discussing his dad’s death in the media.
It’s all done in the best possible taste, of course.
Posted: 24th, November 2016 | In: Politicians, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment
Arsenal, PSG and the case of the missing Serge Aurier
Drama ahead of tonight’s Champions’ League between Arsenal and Paris St Germain. In an “EXCLUSIVE”, the Star thunders: “Serge Aurier’s career could be ruined after he was banned from entering Britain to face Arsenal tonight.”
You can read the same story on the Sun’s back page, where Arsenal’s hopes have received a boost from the Home Office. Aurier has been banned from entering the UK as a result of his conviction for assaulting a police officer in Paris. In September the 23-year-old Ivorian was found guilty of elbowing his victim as he left a Paris nightclub in May. He was sentenced to two months in jail and fined €600.
The club have not sacked him. The incident has not left his carder in ruins. But, apparently, not playing Arsenal might.
The Star’s twist on the story is based on the words of Aurier’s lawyer, Claire Boutaud de la Combe, who “fears it could leave his career in tatters”. Really?
“Under France law he remains innocent until this appeal has been heard,” says de la Combe. “But such an appeal can take quite a long time, especially in Paris. It will take several months, maybe one year. We don’t understand why this has become a problem, there is no reason for his. Now this is a worry because maybe it will stop him being able to travel to other countries to play for PSG or the Ivory Coast because they will also not allow him entry.”
In February, PSG suspended Aurier for a Champions’ League match against Chelsea following comments he made about the coach, Laurent Blanc, and his team-mates on social media. The season before that, Uefa banned Aurier for three matches ‘after last season’s Champions League game against Chelsea following a video posted on Facebook in which he labelled the referee Bjorn Kuipers a “dirty son of a bitch” over the sending-off of his team-mate Ibrahimovic.’
PSG are getting used to playing Champions’ League matches without Aurier, who is, nonetheless, picked to play when not banned. His career is not in tatters. Far from it.
Oh, and to put the tin lid on this balls, note that the source is the Star, the paper that told us – yep – Aurier agreed to join the Gunners is 2014.
A fact echoed by the Star’s sister paper, the Express:
Aurier singed for PSG.
Posted: 23rd, November 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
I’m A Celebrity threesome shocker: Scarlett Moffatt has Ant’s in her pants
Can you trust front-page headlines? The Daily Star’s cover story is that Ant and Dec have been in a “threesome” with “Jungle Scarlett”. Life moves pretty fast for Ant and Dec, the TV duo who just yesterday were triggering a “race storm” with “sensitive” Australians. Todays it’s a threesome with Scarlett, whose full name and title is “camp President Scarlett Moffat”.
Over two pages of I’m A Celebrity news, readers scan for sign of the threesome. And in the small print on page 5, we find it. Scarlett Moffat, “star” of TV’s Gogglebox “reckons she should team up with Ant and Dec as a Geordie trio”. For sex, right? For a threesome?
No. Scarlett made her views known not in the I’m A Celebrity jungle, rather in a book, in which she opined: “Imagine handing out with those boys all days and having a laugh.”
Yeah, just imagine that. Although if you’re a Daily Star reader, you’re most likely blown 30p imagining so much more.
Posted: 22nd, November 2016 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
Raw chicken gives you E.Coli and makes your cancer worse, says a Daily Mail scare story
Chickens. If you eat them raw, you might get ill. It’s a lucky dip. The Daily Mail leads with news that 2 in 3 chickens sold in “British stores” have a superbug. The small print tells readers that the superbug is E.coli and its resistant to antibiotics.
Readers of the Scottish Daily Mail get a different version. In Scotland “half of fresh chicken sold in Scottish stores” is infected with the “e.coli superbug”.
Whatever the geographic differences in contaminated chickens, the issue is getting worse. In September, the Mail said it was one in four chickens.
Over in today’s Sun, the story is that “most” chickens have the bug. But the paper is not as terrified as the Mail, noting early in the story.
The strain of the infectious bug has developed a resistance to some antibiotics, meaning people who fall ill could be more difficult to treat. It is not the killer O157 food poisoning strain and does not cause the usual diarrhoea and vomiting.
Compare that to the Mail’s opening lines:
Two-thirds of the fresh chicken sold in British stores is contaminated with an E.coli superbug, according to experts. The scale is far higher than previous studies have shown and points to a serious public health threat.
The Mail, as ever, links the bug to cancer:
The alarming effects of the antibiotic-resistant strain of E.coli come when you get ill. Someone infected by chicken a few years earlier, who then ends up having chemotherapy for cancer, or surgery, is vulnerable to infections such as pneumonia, which then cannot be properly fought with antibiotics.
You can avoid illness by washing your hands after handling raw chicken and cooking the meat. The Food Standards Agency tell us:
Don’t wash raw chicken: Cooking will kill any bacteria present, including campylobacter, while washing chicken can spread germs by splashing.
Panic over.
Posted: 21st, November 2016 | In: Reviews, Tabloids | Comment
Ugly, fat and thick: Manchester Untied’s Wayne Rooney takes a wedding night bashing in the Sun
How the Sun will miss Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney when he’s gone. This week the Sun spotted the England captain enjoying a drink at a Watford hotel as a wedding party made merry. It was “ROO’S BIG FAT TIPSY WEDDING”.
Lest anyone think that mere pun on the film My Big Fat Greek Wedding, which spawned TV’s My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, we refer you to past comments made by the Sun’s on Wayne Rooney’s girth and looks.
As for the news of Rooney’s drinking, the report shares the best eye-witness quote of the week, “He was shit-faced”. Wedding guest said – get this – “Wayne was “not a petty sight”.
How they’ll miss Rooney when he’s gone.
Posted: 18th, November 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Meghan Markle and Jamie Vardy in ridiculous tabloid plot
Meghan Markle is to play Jamie Vardy’s wife in a film. Well, so says the Daily Star. And who better than Prince Harry’s latest flame to pump the air as her man scores for Leicester City.
In scene 1, the actress is speaking to the News of the World. It’s 2001. “He had great muscles and I thought he’d be a great lover,” she says. “He was the worst lover I have ever had. He didn’t even attempt to satisfy me.” Whoah. Stop nodding Chelsy Davy. Meghan is reading the script from Rebekah Vardy’s insight into her time with sentimental pop acorn Peter Andre.
Of course it’s utter tosh. Markle has not been given the role. The Star only “reckons” Meghan would make a good Rebekah. After all both are dark hairs divorcees with a random ‘h’ in their names.
But being light on facts fails to stop the story gaining momentum. “Prince Harry’s girl Meghan Markle will play Jamie Vardy’s wife in new movie,” thunders the Mirror. “Meghan Markle being lined up to play Jamie Vardy’s wife in Hollywood flick,” cries the Sun.
The Mirror nails how Hollywood casting work when it says, “with Meghan being 35-years-old, she’s just one year older thank Rebekah so would be well suited to playing the Leicester City hero’s missus.” The Sun’s story is based on the Mirror’s story, which is based on the Star’s story – which is based on not a single attributable quote or fact.
Rebekah Vardy is 34.
Posted: 15th, November 2016 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment
Karen Danczuk pulls a leg of pork
The Sun spots Karen Danczuk kissing her new flame, David, 26. Karen, once billed as the ‘selfie Queen’ in all media and estranged from Labour MP Simon Danczuk, is spotted by Rochdale’s busy paparazzi stood by a doorway with her new “Spanish waiter lover”.
The Sun says David has “started moving his things in” to Karen’s place. What things the Sun enlarged on. Readers are told, Karen “helped her new man carry in chairs, boxes, suitcases and a leg of pork“.
Who says romance is dead?
Posted: 14th, November 2016 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment
Transfer Balls: Spurs and Kane ‘agree’ to be at ‘loggerheads’ over bumper new deal
Spurs fans will tremble at the news that Harry Kane – “he’s one of there own” (insert picture of young Harry in his Arsenal short – ed) – has “KO-ed” a new deal at the club.
Reading the Sun’s headline might lead you to suppose Kane will not be extending his Tottenham contract. The deal has been knocked out. Talks have been “called off”. Surprisingly the story does contain a muon of fact, albeit dressed in speculation, clickbait balls and hype.
Tottenham striker puts contract talks on hold with two parties at loggerheads as Manchester United, Chelsea and Manchester City circle
From being knocked out and over, the Sun sniffs the smelling salts and says talks to keep Kane at White Hate Lane are “on hold”. Not knocked out, then. Paused. The Sun then pretty much does Kane’s negotiations for him by name-checking a few other clubs and noting: “Kane is paid £60,000-a-week, £35,000 less than Moussa Sissoko.” And, of course, Manchester City, Chelsea and Manchester United can offer far higher wages than even the Frenchman trousers.
Oh, and so too can Arsenal. After all, the Express reported that Kane had agreed to join the Gunners:
Neil Ashton writes in the Sun:
HARRY KANE and Spurs have agreed to put all talks over a new contract on hold.
So both parties are in agreement. Ashton counters that in the every next line:
The England striker’s future is increasingly uncertain as the two parties are at loggerheads.The England striker’s future is increasingly uncertain as the two parties are at loggerheads.
News that Kane and Spurs have “agreed” to be a “loggerheads” will be a “massive worry for Spurs supporters”, says Ashton. Why? Kane’s contracted to Spurs until 2020 and currently earns £60,000 per week. Spurs have no need to rush.
It all amounts to a lot of nothing. But it’s enough for the Mirror to read the Sun’s story and cry: “Harry Kane and Tottenham at loggerheads.”
This is the same Mirror that reported in September:
Kane’s £50,000-a-week basic will be at least doubled in the wake of the money that has flooded into Premier League clubs due to the bumper new television deal.
And back to Sissoko. In today’s Sun, Ashton writes:
There is a feeling at White Hart Lane that Kane’s loyalty is being tested, especially with the club offering Moussa Sissoko £95,000 a week to sign from Newcastle in the summer.
But the Mirror said Sissoko is good news for Kane:
Sissoko’s arrival will see Kane’s basic weekly wage jump to around £120,000 – with bonuses and image rights he could end up taking home a cool £7.5m-a-year – meaning his entire package is likely to be in excess of £35m.
In conclusion: The tabloids haven’t got a clue.
Posted: 14th, November 2016 | In: Back pages, Sports, Spurs, Tabloids | Comment
Meghan Markle: the exclusive death threats that have nothing to do with Prince Harry
Meghan Markle might no longer be in the UK, but Prince Harry Baseball-Cap’s “girl” is all over the Mail’s front page.
It is an “exclusive encounter” with Meghan Markle.
Scoop or what?
It’s only been a few days since Harry was complaining about the Press treating the celebrity Prince like a celebrity and abusing his lover. He is upset by “reporters and photographers trying to gain illegal entry to Meghan’s home”. Should we feel sympathy for Meghan? It’s “preposterous to claim that the publicity-hungry Ms Markle is a hapless victim,” said Sarah Vine in the Mail
Now Meghan’s talking to the Mail!
No. She isn’t. She spoke with Piers Morgan in June “months before the world learned about her Royal relationship”.
Words about Harry in this front-page exclusive? None.
So if not Prince Harry, what did she talk about?
Meghan revealed some more obscure secrets about herself – such as the fact that she is a trained calligrapher who wrote the invitation cards and envelopes for pop singer Robin Thicke’s 2005 wedding.
Is that like the secret she revealed in 2014, when she told Fashion:
“I could either wait tables or use a skill I had that I could do on my own time,” she says. Markle’s calligraphy led to her addressing envelopes for Robin Thicke and Paula Patton’s wedding and writing Dolce & Gabbana’s holiday correspondence.
And the death threats? The Mail reports:
…she was bombarded with hate messages when her character in the US drama series Suits, Rachel Zane, cheated on her boyfriend in the show. She said: ‘People wanted to kill me! Not Rachel… ME. I never knew there were so many emojis with guns and knives. It was very unpleasant. Fortunately, Rachel got back on her pedestal and it stopped.’
“Prince Harry’s girlfriend Meghan Markle’s terrifying death threats,” screams the Daily Mirror. But those threats were nothing to do with her dating Prince Harry.
Elsewhere in today’s Mail, you can read:
The Mail exclusively revealed images of Meghan this week out in Kensington, near Harry’s home at Kensington Palace.
Time to once again revisit the pledge made by the Mail on 8 September 1997, eight days after the death of Princess Diana:
“The proprietor of the Daily Mail, Mail on Sunday and Evening Standard announced last night that his papers will not in future purchase pictures taken by paparazzi
“Viscount Rothermere, chairman of the Daily Mail and General Trust plc said: ‘I am, and always have been, an admirer of Diana, Princess of Wales, and nagged my editors to protect her so far as they could against her powerful enemies. In view of Earl Spencer’s strong words and my own sense of outrage, I have instructed my editors no ‘paparazzi’ pictures are to be purchased without my knowledge and consent.'”
Meghan is now back in her native Canada.
Best of luck to her.
Posted: 13th, November 2016 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Reviews, Royal Family, Tabloids | Comment (1)
The Donald Trump Death Cult is up and running
When Barack Obama was elected US President in 2008, the news cycle was full of stories of his imminent assassination. We called it the Barack Obama Death Cult. Today we get a look at the assassination of President-elect Donald Trump. The Daily Star leads with news that “TRIUMP’S A DEAD MAN WALKING”.
Grassy Knoll writes in the Star of a “series of threats to gun him down”. Knoll, aka Ross Kaniuk, says would-be killers have made their threats on twitter. One tweeter notes;” My mum is talking about assassinating Donald Trump. Watch out guy my white suburban mother is coming for you.”
She’d best be slim, blonde and young if she wants to get close to The Don.
In other news: no-one shot Barack Obama.
Posted: 11th, November 2016 | In: Politicians, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment
