Tabloids Category
The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.
Manchester United, ‘Wayne Rooney hooker’ Helen Wood and restraint of trade
Who else shagged the “Roo hooker”? The Sun wants readers to know who allegedly paid for sex with Helen Wood, an adult woman who, allegedly, once had sex-on-the-clock with Manchester United star Wayne Rooney. Wood has appeared in the Big Brother house, not as a late-night sneak-in, prize or perk, but as an actual celeb. Surely she’s no longer the “Roo hooker” or even “Wayne Rooney prostitute”? Can it be right that an entire woman is defined by the little Roo that sought comfort and validation inside her ‘gagging order’?
The Mail adds:
A well-known actor who won an injunction to hush up claims he slept with a prostitute used by Wayne Rooney is reportedly to be named in the US today. The married father, whose reputation as a family man has boosted his career as a world-renowned star, allegedly paid escort Helen Wood £195 for sex. The millionaire then paid a firm of high-powered lawyers tens of thousands of pounds to stop his fans finding out.
Showbiz man has casual sex! The odd part is that he never boasted of it. But don’t name him here. The law’s the law.
But in the Sun, Helen says, “I’d like to tell my full story.”
She should sue the alleged trick for restraint of trade.
Posted: 4th, May 2016 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment
Liverpool Echo on Hillsborough: PRODUCE YOUR EVIDENCE
Hillsborough. We knew. The police lied and lied and lied. The media fanned the lies. The police monstered the dead. The police made the loved ones and the bereaved wait 27 years to be told the dead were innocent. The survivors were not killers. Right until the end the police lied. Until yesterday when they had to stop lying in public. Now we’ll get talk of justice and see old men and women on the TV screens. The police are corrupt. They still hide. Did the top cops in South Yorkshire police achieve rank by rocking the boat and speaking out? It wasn’t then. It’s now. They want it buried. They want it all in the past, long ago before things got so much better. They want to tell us about lessons have being learnt. Then you think about one life snuffed out. And you demand more.
Spurs balls: Pochettino joins Jose Moutinho at Manchester United (says The Sun)
The Sun has an “exclusive”. It says Manchester United have sparked “PANIC” at Spurs. The Red Devils want to take Mauricio Pochettino from White Hart Lane to Old Trafford.
Spurs bosses are “edgy” and “concerned” that Pochettino will leave the club and head to Manchester United. They need not worry. After all the Sun has told us over and over and over that Jose Mourinho is United’s next manager.
December 21: “LOUIS VAN GAAL is on his way out of Manchester United after contact was made with Jose Mourinho…Van Gaal could now be gone before the Boxing Day game at Stoke. At best, he will have that plus the home clash with Chelsea next Monday to keep his job.”
March 26: “JOSE MOURINHO will be offered a mind-boggling £60million to send Manchester United soaring back to football’s summit.”
March 19, 2016: “Man United transfer news: Jose Mourinho ‘wants £60m Harry Kane to be prime target’”
Atop Press: Sun Panic that all its exclusive news has been utter balls.
Posted: 20th, April 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports, Spurs, Tabloids | Comment
Madeleine McCann: Amaral v The McCanns was an accident waiting to happen
Madeleine McCann – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann.
Goncalo Amaral is back in the news. The former Portuguese detective has won an appeal against his libel defeat to Madeleine McCann’s parents, Kate and Gerry McCann. The court order for him to pay the McCanns £395,000 in damages in April 2015 has been overturned. The Press pick up the story of Amaral and his 2008 book, The Truth of the Lie, in which he accuses the McCanns of “faking Madeleine’s abduction to cover up her accidental death in their apartment” (Star).
Daily Star (front page): “Maddie: Cop Wains Right To Accuse Parents”
“A banned book which accuse Madeleine’s McCanns parents of covering up her death will go on sale across Europe after a shock ruling by three appal court judge in Portugal yesterday,” writes Jerry Lawton. No shock here, at least not to Anorak readers. Back in 2010, AGW told you:
The media awaits the verdict of McCanns Versus Goncalo Amaral. Much depends on it. The McCanns have taken a risk in going against the former police officer in a foreign country. While it can be argued – as they have done – that any publicity for their missing daughter is good because it keeps her name alive in the voracious media.
But it does not keep us looking for the child. It just allows us to gawp at them, the distraught parents of a missing innocent:
YOU know when an accident is going to happen. They even have corporate speak phrases for it these days: “Risk Assessment” is one.
You know when a playing kitten is going to fall from the arm of the chair, you know when the child is going trip and fall, no matter how quick you are to try and get there.
Sometimes you see disasters being created and thundering, in silent-movie slowed down train-wreck style, toward you or others and there’s little you can do other than stand and watch horror-struck by the enormity of it all.
You know the accident’s about to happen and there is nothing you can do but perhaps wonder why you knew?
It has nothing to do with sixth senses, it is because the most powerful computer known to man, your brain, has gathered in all the previous experiences you have weighed in the balance and made a predictive analysis.
That is what is so strange about the current and past behaviour of the parents of the missing child Madeleine McCann.
They have started a court action defending their reputations in Lisbon because the former chief investigating officer Goncalo Amara, is accusing them of being involved in Madeleine’s disappearance. They have also started an action seeking a money settlement for the Portuguese equivalent of libel and in addition are taking on a Lisbon-based documentary production unit for reporting on the detective’s objected to book and the case.
Lisbon was never going to be a perfect spot for the McCann’s to start legal sparring and this week they were dealt what can only be termed a body-blow when the detective’s lawyers produced evidence the UK’s top criminal profiler has said there were “contradictions” in their statements and both should be treated as possible “homicide” suspects.
No arguments, no amount of reshuffling or clarifications can change that and the facts can not be forced back into the can of worms which the McCann parents themselves have allowed to be opened.
Damage Limitation
The background PR work after the Lisbon shocker has been impressive. The McCann lawyers strode from the courtroom and counter-claimed there were tens, hundreds or more sightings of the missing girl. The UK’s Red Tops dutifully followed the thread and reported the lawyer’s statement. My experience and training gave the brain the predictive text that this looked like a smoke screen, a damage limitation. The missing fact was all these sightings came after the McCann’s themselves had been released from Arguido, suspect, status. The case was archived. It was a cold, leading nowhere, case in the eyes of the top legal and police professionals in Portugal…the responsible authorities have no clues and have suspended work on the case.
It has already been said in these columns, taking on the Portuguese legal system was going to be a minefield but there is one question:
Who is taking the responsibility for the Risk Assessment for this McCann course of action?
Whoever it was needs to be replaced or kept out of the limelight.
Mass public opinion is turning. The McCanns are slipping lower and lower down the celebs’ to be seen with list, certainly no-longer A list and slightly embarrassing to be around according to some whispers.
The McCanns are innocent. No charges have been brought against anyone…except the Chief Investigating Police Officer, Goncalo Amaral.
Wake up!
A second question would have to be: Who on earth took the Risk Assessment decision Amaral was a buffoon an incompetent, bungling, Jacques Clouseau Pink Panther type of police officer?
Come on, wake up! Police officers do not rise through the ranks to positions of authority without being good thief-takers and being very good at spotting the wrongness of something.
Amaral is tougher than the baying section of Britain’s media has portrayed.
The McCanns are becoming battered and worn by this. Just look at their recent photographs. The child is still missing, lost, gone. Arguments still rage over the rightness or wrongness of it all.
Something is judgementally wrong in the Risk Assessments taken here. This week has been hugely damaging to the McCann’s and their cause. The information given this week in the Lisbon court can no longer be ignored or forgotten. It will have a high cost and one of the costs are potential new helpers and donations to the campaign of finding the child.
No shock.
Daily Star Page 7: “Maddie SHOCK”
The Portuguese appeal court judges “ordered” the McCanns to pay “full legal fees of the three-year hearing”. The McCanns have “instructed lawyers to appeal against the new ruling”. But the judges call Amaral’s book a “legitimate exercise in the right to express an opinion”. Portugal was once a police state. Free speech is enshrined. The lawyers’ appeal looked doomed.
We then get a rapid-fire vox pop. The McCanns deny Amaral’s claims. A “pal” says they are “seething”. Their spokesman Clarence Mitchell says, “It is a matter for Kate and Gerry’s lawyers to deal with .”
The Sun (front page): “MADDIE: Agony for McCanns as cop wins libel case”
Page 4: “Hunt Hit By Cash Crisis – Maddie £430k Libel Loss Blow – Tec wins against McCanns”
The payment “deprives the Maddie Fund o9f cash to keep the nine-year search going”. Private cash. But not public purse monies. That continues to be spent on the search.
Daily Mirror (Page 7): “Bungling cop in libel triumph over the McCanns”
Is every policeman who fails to solve a case a bungler?
And then we get to the money. The cash Amaral was ordered to pay the McCanns never left his account. All payments – £360,000 and £76,000 in interest – was held until the appeal judges had ruled. The money never came out of the Maddie Fund, did it? It was never in the Fund.
Daily Express (Page 8): “McCanns ‘seething’ as Maddy detective overturns book ruling”
We finally hear from the McCanns’ legal aide. Their Portuguese lawyer, Isable Duarte, “said she was ‘disappointed’ but not surprised” at the ruling.
Daily Mail (Page 30): “McCanns suffer £395k libel loss”
Page 30. The story continues – but less and less people are listening to it.
Posted: 20th, April 2016 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment
Madeleine McCann: tabloid sensation, Police PR and nothing
Madeleine McCann: a look at reporting on the missing child.
Daily Mirror (front page): “Maddie Police: We Hope to Find Her Alive”
Well, yes. Of course they do. They’re not ghouls.
Mick Duthie, the police chief leading the “hunt” for the missing child, says, “We hope that we will fine her alive.”
Page 5: “There is always a possibility that we’ll find her…work still needs to be done.”
Got that about the possibility of news? It’s PR-speak for, “We haven’t found her.” With, as the Mirror states, £12m spent on the search so far, police are keen to show they’ve made progress. If Duthie does know what happened to the child, he’s not letting on. He says, “We want to find her alive” but “If she’s been murdered…” She might be alive. She might be dead. Maybes.
Daily Star (front page): “Maddie Search Sensation”
Oh, go on. We’ll play along. What is the sensational news?
It is news that cops “hope to find her alive”. Read. All. About. It.
Page 7: “Top Maddie Cop: New Maddie Clues”
Joe Kasper writes: “Detective Chief Superintendent Mick Duthie says detectives are still pursuing “justifiable and reasonable” leads. No. What he said was that if the police needed more money to find Madeleine McCann, they would ask for it: “There is a missing girl and is she has been murdered and if we think we have got reasonable and justifiable lines of inquiry to pursue then they should be dealt with.”
The Sun (Page 6): “Cops ‘ no closer’ to locating Maddie.”
So much for the Star’s new leads sensation.
Duthie says cops “do not have a ‘full understanding’ what happened to her or why she was taken”.
Mentions of murder: nil.
Daily Express (front page): “Police: Maddy could Still Be Alive”
No body. No proof of anything.
Page 7: “Madeleine police follow up new leads”
Number of new leads mentioned by police: nil.
As another anniversary of Madeleine McCann’s vanishing looms into view, and the news cycle picks up the PR, we learn that nothing has change. Child disappears. And that’s the sum of all the facts.
Posted: 19th, April 2016 | In: Madeleine McCann, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Madeleine McCann: murder, belief and Mick Duthie hopes
Madeleine McCann: a look at reporting on the missing child.
Daily Mail: “Detectives believe the missing youngster could still be found alive”
Progress: nil. We are still in the lyrical land of “could” and “believe”. Time moves on but the single thread story of the child who vanished in 2007 is snared. The Mail notes the words of Detective Chief Superintendent Mick Duthie. He’s been speaking with the London Evening Standard. We read:
Detective Chief Superintendent Mick Duthie, the head of the Yard’s homicide squad…
Homicide? Is that significant? We are clutching at straws. No evidence whatsoever any harm befell Madeleine McCann, let alone murder.
…said officers were pursuing “justifiable and reasonable” leads in the investigation into the missing three year-old.
Good. Get on with it. Best of luck.
He was speaking weeks after the Home Secretary Theresa May granted police £95,000 to extend the five year old inquiry for a further six months.
This is about money, then, and value in how it’s spent.
Mr Duthie, who is in overall charge of the investigation Operation Grange, said: “There is ongoing work. There is always a possibility that we will find Madeleine and we hope that we will find her alive. That’s what we want and that’s what the family and the public want and that is why the Home Office continue to fund it. There is work that needs to be done still. “
Yep. And:
The police chief admitted detectives did not have a “full understanding” of what happened to Madeleine or why she was taken but added: “That is why the work continues. “
Full understanding? Is that another way of saying they don’t know what happened to her?
He told the Standard: “There is a missing girl and if she has been murdered and if we think we have got justifiable and reasonable lines of inquiry to pursue then they should be dealt with.”
Murder. He said it. That’s grim. He added:
“The investigation continues. We go to the Home Office every six months. We have a smaller team dealing with it because we have less inquiries to deal with but we still have a job to do. I imagine that if we have not completed our inquiries within six months we will go back to the Home Office and ask for more money.”
We told you that.
He refused to give further details about the inquiry but confirmed that detectives were still examining possible links to a series of burglaries in the Algrarve area at the time Madeleine went missing.
If. Could. Possible. A child vanished. And that’s what we know.
Posted: 18th, April 2016 | In: Madeleine McCann, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Britain’s Got Talent: Beau Dermott and Jack Higgins are crying cousins
Front-page news in the Sun: “Britain’s Got Talent ballet sensation is Beau’s cousin.” The “sensation” is Jack Higgins, 14, a young stage school ballerina who “wowed” the TV show’s judges with his dancing, causing Amanda holden to gape and stop blinking, Simon Cowell to use up the expression he was saving for when he sees the face of Mamon, David Walliams to swoon and Alesha Dixon to hail it as the best thing ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever.
The best bit, of course, was that Jack cried. Tears are the cynical BGT’s pop shot, the moment of release. (Remember Hollie Steel who sobbed half-way through Edelweiss and triggered a race to see which celeb could reach her with the comfort hug? Hollie… Oh, never mind.)
Jack said he’d been “bullied for ballet since five”. He’s been at stage school for nine years, so you wonder who had been bullying him for that long – the smart money is on the tap dancing mob or the country dancing toughs?
Today the Sun tells us that Jack is related to Beau Dermott, the stage school singer who belted out a show tune one week earlier. Their mothers are twin sisters. To help us tell them apart. Jack’s mum Debbie is the one in the T-shirt yelling “GO JACK – BGT 2016”.
Jack says, “It would be amazing to both get to the final. We are completely different acts, so it wouldn’t feel like we were competing against each other.”
Not for you, maybe. But for your mums it could be. There will be T-shirts…
Posted: 18th, April 2016 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
Madonna fury: Rocco should stick to weed and ditch the fags
“ROCCO and Roll Up!” invites the Star’s front-page headline. “Madge fury at teen son’s booze and cigs.”
We hear you, Madonna, aka Madge the Vadge. What self-respecting cool kid drinks and smokes when they could be experimenting with smarts drugs and pour grade-A medications?
Madonna, we learn, is “fuming” 15-year-old son Rocco has been “snapped under a bridge in London swigging from a bottle and puffing on a suspicious-looking cigarette.” A suspicious looking cigarette is, of course, a cigarette, a Government-taxed cancer stick. A proper roll-up contains pure marijuana, a healthy substance (see Colorado State medical advice).
Posted: 16th, April 2016 | In: Broadsheets, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment
Manchester City: the Real Madrid fear factor
Manchester City will play Real Madrid in the Champions League semi-finals. The Sun and Times are debating matters.
“Ronaldo and Co con’t scare us,” says the Manchester City manager, Manuel Pelligrini.
But they should scare you, says the Times.
Posted: 16th, April 2016 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Manchester City, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Manchester United: time up for magic Van Gaal
Manchester United have called “time” on Louis Van Gaal’s career at Old Trafford.
So says the Daily Mirror, which adds that “even an FA Cup victory won’t stop Jose taking over”. David McDonnell says the Manchester United “hierarchy” are plotting an “exit strategy for the Dutchman and a succession plan for Mourinho”.
The Mirror, of course, is guessing. This is the paper that told readers Van Gaal would be sacked should United failed to beat Stoke City. They failed. Van Gaal stayed.
Reading on we learn that the “exclusive” news of Van Gaal’s demise is not all that certain. There is a “belief the time for change is fast approaching”. And “there is a growing belief at the Reads they will soon have to strike a deal” to pay Van Gaal off.
After so much believing, it’s worth looking back at what the Mirror said yesterday, “Louis Van Gaal has a remarkable knack of getting a result when he needs it most…. He is either incredibly lucky or has a magic touch.” Or else he’s playing Stoke.
The Mirror writes him off and then says we write him off at our peril.
Posted: 15th, April 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Gemma Atkinson and Ronaldo: fools, horses and sex with prostitutes
Actress Gemma Atkinson has “revealed” that back in 2007 she and “footie ace” Cristiano Ronaldo watched Only Fools and Horses on their first date together.
If never did work out. Why not? Well in 2007, Gemma was quoted in the Sun: “I did go out with Cristiano, but it all ended when he was caught shagging prostitutes.”
All together now:
God bless Hooky Street
Viva Hooky Street
Long live Hooky Street
C’est magnifique Hooky Street
Magnifique Hooky Street
Posted: 15th, April 2016 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment
Manchester United manager-in-waiting Jose Mourinho wants the PSG job
News in the Daily Mail is that “Jose Mourinho would seriously consider the Paris Saint-German job should the French champions part company with Laurent Blanc.” How very good of him.
All that stands between Mourinho and the PSG manager’s chair is Blanc’s sacking. Sack him! Sack him him now. And sack Louis Van Gaal as well because for weeks we’ve been reading that Jose fancies the Manchester United job as well.
On February 10, the Mail told readers: “‘Jose Mourinho tells friends that his summer move to Manchester United is a ‘done deal’.”
Chances are he fancies your job too. A “source” is right now on the phone to your boss telling them that should you be sacked, Jose would consider stepping in to drive your truck, dispense those drugs or slop out your bucket (we know our readers).
Posted: 14th, April 2016 | In: manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Daily Mail relocates Cliff Richards Atlantic winery
Let’s bemoan the state of education that allows the Daily Mail’s Julian Robinson to miss up his seas:
A luxury Mediterranean winery that produces Sir Cliff Richard’s own brand of plonk has been put on the market – for more than £7.5million. Quinta do Miradouro and neighbouring winery Adega do Cantor in Albufeira in Portugal’s Algarve are up for grabs after 15 years of producing the singer’s wine, Vida and Onda Nova.
Anyone keen on inspecting the place should now that The Algarve is on the Atlantic Ocean.
Posted: 14th, April 2016 | In: Celebrities, Money, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment
David Gest in pill-popping mystery riddle
David Gest has died and he’s all over the tabloids. The Mail invites its readers to pull up an armchair and look for clues. It is “The mystery death Liza Minnelli’s ex in London hotel”.
Yep, poor old Dave doesn’t even get name-checked in his final moment in the light. The Mail‘s mystery seems to finding out who he was. Over page 6 and 7 Gest is “Michael jackson’s friend”. The “62-year-old entertainer” (Express) is notable for being “Mr Minnelli”, which he was, albeit for just 16 months of his existence.
Sticking with the Express we learn that the “reality TV star” (I’m a Celebrity…, Celebrity Big Brother, Celebrity Window Shopping (call me ITV2, I have ideas)) died in a “riddle”. Only it isn’t one because police say there are no suspicious circumstance.
On page 19, Virginia Blackburn says Gest was “one half of one of the oddest odd couples”. Indeed. His marriage to Minnelli was odd, not least of all because it gave us the most bizarre showbiz photos of all time: the one in which Gest, Liza, Michael Jackson and Liz Taylor appear to be melting.
“Gest in peace,” says the Sun. “Friends say he died naturally”. So much for mysteries and riddles, then – unless the Express and Mail see Gest’s passing as the chance to debate the meaning of life?
But hold on a moment – the Mirror smells scandal and leads with news of Gest’s “sleeping pill torment”. In “Gest Pills Hell” – how tasteful of the Mirror to invoke Satan’s afterlife den in the tale of a man’s demise – we hear of “friends” saying Gest was “strung out” on pills.
And then this: “The star had been planning a UK tour called David Gest is not Dead Alive with Soul.” That title was based on a moment in the Big Brother house when the announcement to housemate Angie Bowie that David Bowie was dead became truncated to ‘David is dead’. Gest was ill at the time in one of the celebrity silo’s beds. Housemate Tiffany Pollard thought Gest was the dead David. Cue much shocked faces and hand fanning.
And now David Gest really is dead. Or ‘resting’ as fellow CBB housemates call it…
Posted: 13th, April 2016 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
John Whittingdale sex capers too low-brow for red-tops
Tory MP John Whittingdale’s sex life is not a matter for gossips, ‘Outraged of Hacked Off’ of tabloids. As Francis Wheen puts it:
Just heard a Today programme “debate” on the Whittingdale affair which made the Republican primary debates sound like Socratic dialogues.
In the Hacked Off corner was Evan “Dr Death” Harris, lambasting the tabloids for not printing a story about an MP and a dominatrix – even though his pressure group actually wants to stop such stories ever being published. In the tabloid corner, Neil “Wolfman” Wallis pretended that a story about an MP and a dominatrix isn’t the sort of thing that would interest red-top editors, who prefer front-page scoops about Cartesian circularity and the eternal truths.
Toe-curling imbecility and insincerity from start to finish.
Audio to follow…
Posted: 13th, April 2016 | In: Politicians, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment
Britain swamped by hidden anti-EU messages in the Express
The Daily Express says the “EU wants to control your pension”. Happily, like you, my pension is in the Cayman Islands, which is not in the EU – yet. But it does sound sinister. Talk of the EU controlling your cash is unsettling. How dare those undemocratic technocrats dip into my pension book.
The front-page story continues on the Page 9, whereon we learn that it’s, er utter bollocks.
Tory MEP David Campbell Bannerman says a vote to remain in the EU means the “logical thing is to have common pensions…” It’s not planned. But it might be. Having produced a non-story story more loaded than George Bush at a frat house party, the Express invites readers to calls its phone lines and vote.
Vote now. And vote often.
Beau Dermott attacked in tabloids: media training 101
Beau Dermott is Britain’s Got Talent’s “sensation” (The Sun). West End musical Wicked has “reached out to her”. Beau, 12, is on the celebrity treadmill. Beau says that on an excitement scale of of ten, she is “TEN!”
Beau Dermott might be less excited at her appearance on the Star’s front page, where the headline labels her a “CHEAT”. How? Is she a 29-year-old professional opera singer? Was she miming over a backing tape? The Star soon tells us: “Star wannabe, 12, a stage school veteran.”
Can you be a veteran of anything at 12 – jelly, maybe, and burping? The Star thinks so, telling us that Beau has had singing lessons at “top arts school – despite her mum saying it was a big thing to perform”. The Star soon realises its scoop holds less water than Simon Cowell’s hairnet, continuing the story on Page 18.
The Star says “no reference was made to the fact, Beau, from Widnes, Cheshire, has had vocal training at the StagePro Academy in Warrington for five years”.
Other things not referenced on the show: pictures are manipulated; Amanda Holden is an actress; making Beau cry is ‘good telly’.”
Posted: 12th, April 2016 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
Adam Johnson: a ‘cushy’ life at Holme away from home
Adam Johnson, the former Sunderland footballer serving a six-year prison sentence for sexual activity with a girl of 15, is in a “Cushy” cell. So says the Sun, which features Johnson on its front page.
A “source” says people will “wonder if he should be kept in a much tougher prison given the nature of his offence”. People who read the Sun, perhaps.
As for Holme House, a few facts:
A DHL warehouse operates within holme House processing canteen forms and Picking/packing for eight establishments in the North East. This provides employment for 40 prisoners and NVQ qualifications can be attained…
UNLOCKING TIMES
Mon: 07:30 – 12:30, 13:30 – 16:30 & 17:00 – 19:15
Tue: 07:30 – 12:30, 13:30 – 16:30 & 17:00 – 19:15
Wed: 07:30 – 12:30, 13:30 – 16:30 & 17:00 – 19:15
Thu: 07:30 – 12:30, 13:30 – 16:30 & 17:00 – 19:15
Fri: 07:30 – 12:30, 13:30 – 16:45
Sat: 07:30 – 12:30 & 13:30 -16:30
Sun: 07:30 – 12:30 & 13:30 -16:30
The most recent report from Her Majesty’s Inspectorate of Prisons, noted:
there had been five self-inflicted deaths since the last inspection and what appear to be two further self-inflicted deaths since this inspection;..
first night cells were dirty with broken equipment and there was little support from staff or prisoner mentors for those new to prison;
many cells were dirty, toilets were inadequately screened and some prisoners shared cells designed for one which were too small;
laundry arrangements were chaotic and there were insufficient phones and showers;
The Sun, of course, wanted more for Johnson, noting on March 18.
Shoot scared: Footie perv Adam Johnson to pay for ‘protection’ while in horror prison – Paedophile faces being sent to tough jail where sex offender inmate was disembowelled
He is likely to be sent initially to Armley jail in Leeds before transferring to HMP Frankland in Durham, home to child killers Ian Huntley and Levi Bellfield.
He is in Armely. But Johnson’s murder in Frankland is no longer an option to excite the Sun.
And is prison “cushy”? One prisoner told me how it works: “It’s only hard for the innocent – the guilty all sleep well.”
Posted: 12th, April 2016 | In: Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Manchester United Martial in XXX Factor sex balls
Manchester United’s Anthony Martial is no longer with his wife. The Sun says the “French ace romped with X Factor wannabe Emily Wademan in Paris while his wife Samantha was at home.”
This is Marital, who was quoted in the Mail, “After training, I like to come home and find my wife. I am very homely.” Possibly to check she’s there before he nips out. The Sun now says:
The couple, who have eight-month-old daughter Peyton, put on a united front after our revelations. But last week Samantha stopped following the £58million striker on Instagram, and he did likewise. She has continued to update her 82,000 followers with images of Peyton but the French international, 20, has not been seen in a snap for two weeks.
Maybe she’s following him on the place, train and bus instead? And when he signed for United, the Mail said the child was called “Toto”.
The star’s agent confirmed their separation and said no one else was involved.
This story first aired in January, when the Sun boomed: “Married Anthony Martial’s romps with X Factor beauty: Man U ace flew model for sex in Paris.”
The Mail called it a “romantic break”. And Emily – now reduced from “beauty” to “wannabe” (and did she used to be called Emily Dyson?) – told us:
“When we got to Paris he was happy to openly parade me in public in front of French fans on the Champs Elysees.”
A parade on an open-top bus, or is Emily saving that for any sex tape?
Posted: 10th, April 2016 | In: Celebrities, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
The New Day front page looks a lot like last month’s That’s Life magazine
In today’s The New Day newspaper, read the story of a mum who wants to have her son’s baby:
You might have read the same story in the March 31 issues of That’s Life magazine:
Spotter: @nickw84 @RichLeighPR)
Posted: 8th, April 2016 | In: Reviews, Strange But True, Tabloids | Comment
Sex Injunction: tabloids await the invention of internet and telephone
Do not tell us the name of the celebrity in the sex injunction case. We can’t afford the libel bills. Just know that the injunction involving celebrity ‘PJS’ and his partner ‘YMA’ is not in the British newspapers. You can read about it all in America, however.
Ridiculous, of course. And just as mad is the Sun and Mail featuring the story on their front pages. We love the tabloids, but someone needs to tell the editorial staff about the thing called the internet and telephones.
Come in, New York… Do you read me? Over.
Posted: 8th, April 2016 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Transfer balls: Arsenal sign Granit Xhaka with a cheeky smile
Transfer Balls: The Metro reads all sorts of things into a smile, telling its reader bots:
Arsene Wenger smile hints Granit Xhaka to Arsenal transfer could be done
Says Wenger:
“At the moment, no. We are starting to look at people who can strengthen our squad, but we are not on any particular case in a concrete way”
But who needs words when you can have a smile?
As for the player, well, earlier this month he told Express:
“I’ve seen the rumours. All I can say is it’s nonsense. There have been no negotiations with Arsene Wenger.”
But, of course, the deal has already been done. We read about it in the… Metro:
Posted: 7th, April 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
No right to honest labour for cut-throat murder girl Leigh Mackinnon
The Sun, Mail and Mirror show us what Leigh Mackinnon, 26, of Aberdeen, has been up since being released from a nine year prison sentence for the attempted murder of charity worker Laura Milne, 19, who was beaten and stamped on.
The Sun and Mirror call her the “Demon barber of King Street”. Mackinnon’s been working as a hairdresser just a mile from the scene.
A YOB who served time for her part in the brutal cut-throat murder of a young woman is now free and working as a barber just a mile from the scene of the crime. Leigh Mackinnon snips the hair of punters who are unaware she was involved in the savage killing of 19-year-old Laura Milne nine years ago. Mackinnon, now 26, but who was just 18 at the time of the murder, and Debbie Buchan, 19, punched, kicked and stamped on victim Laura before Stuart Jack slit her throat.
From demon to mere yob in a trice. And now to unemployment. The Mirror says the “cut-throat murder girl” has been sacked. Her now ex-boss says he had no idea about Mackinnon’s background “as we got a fake name of Sherylleigh”. The Sun and Mirror call her “brazen”. But she changed her name. She’s hardly glorying in her notoriety. And she was self-employed, renting a chair in the salon.
You might not like a woman with a violent past cutting your hair, but she served her time, learnt an honest trade inside and then re-emerged into society, ready and willing to contribute. She’s been rehabilitated. Isn’t that one purpose of prison? And now she’s been sacked because the tabloids have ‘exposed’ her.
So does she now sign on and become a drain on the State?
Irony overload: Daily Mail bemoans predators who take pictures of Arsenal star on a night out
Martin Samuel is writing about Arsenal’s Jack Wilshere in the Daily Mail:
“Ghouls filming private moments on their mobile phones are a modern curse. So Jack Wilshere merits some sympathy, being a young man unable to go anywhere without a predatory stranger wishing to make his life their property.”:
Predatory strangers armed with cameras who create stories like:
ECLUSIVE: Ariel Winter reveals new inking in a high cut swimsuit as she frolics in the Bahamas surf… after getting THREE tattoos just weeks after 18th birthday
Catching some Lana Del RAYs? Bikini-clad singer tops up her tan in a nautical two-piece during relaxing Malibu beach day
You can read those predatory paparazzi-scoops and many more like them in the, er, Daily Mail.
Posted: 6th, April 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Transfer balls: Walcott fights to stay and struggles to leave Arsenal
News is that Arsenal will flog Theo Walcott. The Bleacher Report says Arsenal will sell the player if he fails to make England’s Euro 2016 squad. The whole story can be surmised thus:
Dean Jones reveals that Walcott could leave the Emirates if he doesn’t get a Euro 2016
Can you reveal an ‘if’?
The Metro has firm facts: “Arsenal transfer news: Theo Walcott ready to seal move away this summer.” Does he want out? Would Arsenal miss him? The Star chips in:
Theo Walcott set to rock Arsenal with stunning transfer decision
If the Bleacher Report is right and Arsenal want shot of Walcott, his stunning decision would be to stay, right? The Star then cites its source:
According to Bleacher Report, the 27-year-old attacker will look for a move away from the Emirates if he’s left out of Roy Hodgson’s Euro 2016 squad. And Arsenal are apparently willing to listen to any offers that come in for the speed-merchant who’s played for the Gunners since 2006.
To put the tin lid on the ‘ifs’ and could’, we turn to another organ for more. We’re told Walcott’s pace is no longer what it was (so much for “speed merchant”) and he’s “fighting for his future” at Arsenal. You can read that in, er, The Bleacher Report.
Posted: 6th, April 2016 | In: Arsenal, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
