Tabloids Category
The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.
Back pages: laughing at Chelsea, mocking Manchester United and dreaming of Leicester
In today’s tabloid football round-up, we look first at the Sun, which leads with news of “Revolt” at Manchester United and “Blue Murder” at Chelsea.
“Chelsea’s flops are turning on boss Jose Mourinho,” write Andrew Dillon and Shaun Curtis. A “source” tells us that Jose is being “SLAYED IN CHELSEA”. We’re then asked to wonder if Jose is morphing into Rafa Benitez, a man not all that popular at Stamford Bridge. But unlike Rafa, Jose’s job is safe because there are no “viable alternatives”.
In “no fight club”, Chelsea fan Rory Jennings says the team are “soft”. He evokes players like Ron Harris, Dennis Wise and John Terry to emphasise just how tough Chelsea used to be. He omits to mention that before Roman Abramovich’s billions, Chelsea were losers who sold cars by the side of the pitch and pulled in smallish gates as one of the Second Division’s larger clubs.
Chelsea fans moaning about their “crisis” is laughable. But, then, for most current Chelsea fans their support began when dad took them to a padded seat at the Bridge on their way to the rugger.
After three pages of what’s wrong with Chelsea, football fans get one page of what’s right with Leicester City, who sit top of the Premier League after victory over Jose’s overpaid dullards. News is that Riyad Mahrez and Jamie Vardy will not be sold in January. Good. Of course, should a huge offer come in for one or either, Leicester might be tempted.
Returning to the Sun’s Manchester United’s scoop, the story is that some players at Old Trafford have found reason to think Louis Van Gaal’s tactics are a bit plodding. Which they are. A few players have told him where he’s going wrong. The odds on the hammer headed Dutchman listening to their advise is thinner than Jose’s smile.
The Star leads with more Chelsea news. Readers learn that Roman Abramovich will “NOT sanction a Chelsea spending spree next month”. This is the same Roman who made Chelsea what they are today with a £1bn interest-free loan. One page on and we lean that the Blues have £40m for Everton’s John Stones. The Blues buy players. It’s what they do.
The Express’s lead story is that Stones is gong nowhere. Yet.
The Mirror leads with news of players leaving Chelsea. The back page has Jose telling Eden Hazard “I should have sold you in the summer”. He’s right. One year ago, Hazards was being talked about as one of the game’s greats. This season he’s a busted flush, trying but lacking inspiration and zip.
Over two pages, the Mirror looks at Leicester city. It invites seven of the game’s names to answer the question: “Will Leicester in the Premier League?” All of them say…’no’.
Or as it reported yesterday:
So much for the glory game.
Posted: 16th, December 2015 | In: Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
The Sun takes on Leicester City – and loses
A few words from The Sun’s Charlie Wyett, who has noticed that Claudio Ranieri’s Leicester City are top of the Premier League. Can they win the thing?
Writes Wyett:
Ranieri continues to build something special in a different part of England. It is proving to be one of the truly great Premier League stories.
Or as he put it before a ball was kicked:
Spotter: WAATP
Posted: 15th, December 2015 | In: Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Arsenal balls: Giroud ‘axed’ and ‘threatened’ for his own good
Arsenal striker Olivier Giroud is playing very well. Having scored a hat-trick in Arsenal’s 3-0 win over Olympiakos in the Champions League, the Frenchman is feeling confident. But the Daily Star has grim news:
Can it be that Arsene Wenger, the Arsenal manager, is threatening his star turn, the man whose goals saved the Gunners’ blushes? Is he axing Giroud, the player who has scored 11 goals in his last 14 matches for Arsenal?
No. It’s balls.
“I think he is in the same league as [the very best],” says Wenger at his Press conference. “He plays for one of the best clubs in Europe and he scores goals. If you look at the number of games and the number of goals, you have to give him credit. I think he’s among the best strikers in Europe.
“He is not only a goalscorer, he’s a guy who puts work in for the team. If you look at his record, I believe he has special qualities that are difficult to find, but of course you want him to be efficient as well.
“Where he has improved a lot is his link play with the other players, and that’s very important in our team. He’s a guy who wants always to improve and he has a positive mentality, and a strong one. I think that’s why he has come back in a very strong way.
“We are in a job where you have to accept that in every game, you are questioned. In his job, as a centre forward, [it’s] even more. If you don’t score for three games, you’re questioned again. That’s part of the job.”
Not threat. No axe. Other than that the Star is spot on.
So how did the Star manage to create the story that Giroud is being dropped from Wenger praising the player’s form and talent? From this?
“He had a breather and came in and out,” Wenger continues. “I think I will have to do that again because it is so demanding now and he has a game that demands a lot of energy. Sometimes you need a breather in that squad.”
Such are the facts.
Posted: 12th, December 2015 | In: Arsenal, Broadsheets, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Rita Ora hit by X Factor robbery gang
“COWELL Gang Rob Rita,” yells the Sun from its front page. Pop star Rita Ora looks out at readers, who gnash their teeth, clench their fist and curse Simon Cowell, for it is he, and his gang who rob a singer of her credibility with their Music to Botox By.
Reading on we learn that the Cowell gang are in actual fact thieves who robbed the TV judge. Now Rita has been hit by a “terrifying night-time burglary which police fear was carried out by the same gang who raided Simon Cowell’s mansion.”
Rita wasn’t at home when she crooks stuck, which rather tones down the terror. Add to that the news late in the story that the crime occurred before the raid on Cowell’s place, and you wonder why this old news is new news on the same day as the X Factor grand final?
Posted: 12th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Manchester United: Van Gaal damned but stays beyond 2017
Who can be blamed for Manchester United crashing out of the Champions League in the group stages? It’s worth noting that this is an improvement on last season, when United failed to even qualify for European football’s biggest tournament.
The Mail says the buck starts and stops with United manager Louis Van Gaal, who is “hammered for his abysmal tactics”. Martin Samuel says United lost “because they could not not pick ip an old-fashioned big lad in the penalty area at set-pieces”.
As Van Gaal admits to his side going “backwards”, Chris Wheeler says United’s owners, the Glazer family, want to extend his contract beyond 2017.
No evidence that they do. But just saying it is enough to start that most wanted to tabloid aims: a heated debate.
Overall, though, the papers are split between leading with a dejected Van Gaal…
…or a his over-paid, under-talented side:
Any United fans in need to a laugh – or at best a distraction – can look to the Mirror, where David McDonnell delivers a tortuous intro:
And so it proved Emission Impossible for Manchester United as their Champions League campaign spluttered to a halt.
Wolfsburg may have been rocked by the emissions scandal that has engulfed sponsors Volkswagen, but last night it was the Reds who were left on the hard shoulder of European football.
As you wince at that, better, perhaps, to turn to the Times, where Henry Winter is in his pomp:
Embarrassing. Manchester United deservedly departed the Champions League because they defended like amateurs, not like elite professionals. They were drawn in an easier group than Manchester City yet find themselves in the Europa League. Welcome to Thursdays. Excruciating.
And Van Gaal?
Van Gaal’s reputation was damaged here. For United’s biggest game of the season, he took two eye-catching decisions. Guillermo Varela, the 22-year-old Uruguayan who made his debut against West Ham United on Saturday, started at right back; he made a couple of good tackles, but betrayed his inexperience by getting dragged into the centre, gifting André Schürrle space outside.
More controversial was Van Gaal’s decision to field Marouane Fellaini alongside Bastian Schweinsteiger with Michael Carrick kicking his heels on the bench and having to wait until 20 minutes from time for his 70th Champions League appearance. Fellaini lost the ball twice in the opening five minutes and did little to stop Wolfsburg’s counterattacks.
Which can all be summed by two words from the Sun: “Van Damned.”
Posted: 9th, December 2015 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, manchester united, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Muhaydin Mire: knife jihad in London, cowards and proper Muslims with mobile phones
Muhaydin Mire waves a long-bladed box cutter in Leytonstone Tube Station, London, allegedly. Reports say he’s yelling “This is for Syria”, although which part of that benighted country is unclear.
Mire, 29, of Sansom Road, east London, is due to appear at Westminster Magistrates’ Court. He’s been charged with attempted murder.
His alleged attack left a 56-year-old man was left with “serious” stab wounds and another person injured.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 7th, December 2015 | In: Reviews, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Chelsea balls: Jose Mourinho sacked by Leicester (maybe)
More Jose Mourinho sacking news now. The Times leads with a story that the Chelsea boss is “in last chance” to save his job.
Matt Hughes says José Mourinho has been told that “he must guide Chelsea into the knockout stages of the Champions League this week to safeguard his position as manager”.
Win a single point against Porto on Wednesday and Chelsea qualify for the round of 16 – “Defeat, though, could bring the end of Mourinho’s second spell as manager at Stamford Bridge.”
From a headline stating Mourinho has one chance, to a story beneath it that the Portuguese could be given more last chances. The Times has no idea.
And neither does the Daily Mirror, which reports that Chelsea “could sack manager Jose Mourinho whether or not they beat Porto in the Champions League on Wednesday”.
The Sun hedges its bets, giving Mourinho two games to save his job. It sticks a wet finger in the air and discovers that Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich “may act if the Blues lose to Porto and then against leaders Leicester in the Premier League next weekend”.
Or else, he may not.
Such are the facts.
Posted: 7th, December 2015 | In: Broadsheets, Chelsea, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Transfer balls: Cavani ‘joins’ Manchester United for £13m less than Arsenal paid
How much is PSG’s Edinson Cavani worth?
According to L’Equipe,Manchester United “have been told” they can sign the Paris St-Germain forward for £32m.
This odd story also appears in the Metro. It’s the newspaper that said Cavani had agreed to play for Arsenal.
How much did Cavani join Arsenal for way back in September? The Daily Star knew:
The Metro‘s story of Cavani now being worth £13m less than he was just three months ago contains not a single named source. It’s just an apparent fact that Cavani is worth £32m.
And why didn’t Arsenal sign the Uruguayan? The Daily Mirror says the Gunners decided the 28-year-old has ‘no sell-on value’. They should have consulted that anonymous source – although Cavani’s value is falling faster than the Star and Metro’s credibility.
Posted: 5th, December 2015 | In: Arsenal, manchester united, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Chelsea balls: Costa in London nightclub rage as Jose seethes in total silence
When is a riotous night out not a riotous night out? The Mail leads with news that “Chelsea stars Diego Costa, Ramires and Kenedy risked incurring the wrath of Jose Mourinho by partying into the early hours on Thursday morning at a London nightclub”.
The Chelsea hell raisers were “spotted leaving top London nightclub Libertine at 3.15am”. Ashley Clements has more on these rebels:
Chelsea boss Mourinho may not be best pleased to see Costa out until 3am after seeing his struggling striker throw a touchline tantrum last weekend. Mourinho’s golden rule for the first-team squad is that they are not allowed to drink alcohol or have late nights out in the 48 hours before Chelsea games – a rule the Blues trio were certainly testing by partying late into the night on Wednesday.
Jose must be doing his pieces. Those Brazilian-born party animals.
Here’s Darren Lewis in the Mirror:
Chelsea’s underachieving squad enjoyed a team-bonding evening out on Wednesday night – with full permission from Jose Mourinho.
Diego Costa and Ramires were among the Blues allowed to paint the town red and were spotted leaving a London nightclub in the early hours of Thursday morning with recent addition Kenedy.
They were joined by the entire first team squad ahead of Saturday’s Premier League home game against Bournemouth.
Such are the facts.
Posted: 4th, December 2015 | In: Chelsea, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Christmas TV repeats story repeats in tabloids
The Daily Mirror reports that 811 shows broadcast over the Christmas period on the four main TV channels have been broadcast before.
The Mirror, which, like the Express and Mail, has broadcast adaptations of this story for the last 20 years, is dismayed by the news.
Says one tabloid insider: “Every year we have to report the same story as news but with a new headline. This year it’s “‘Tis the season for repeats”, whereas last years we reported “The season for repeats”, before that it was “‘Twas the season for repeats” and next year we have already written “‘Twill be the season for repeats”. These TV bosses just shove out Mary Poppins. It’s not fair.”
Before adding: “See you next year.”
Posted: 4th, December 2015 | In: Reviews, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
Jeremy Corbyn loses Oldham in the dead-tree Daily Mirror
In “Dark Night of the polls for Jeremy”, the Mirror’s Dan Bloom says Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn is leading the party to disaster at the Oldham West and Royston by-election.
The paper repeats warnings that the party’s 14,000 majority at the last count could be slashed to just 1,000. Labour candidate Jim McMahon is in dire peril.
Such are the dangers of of being a left-wing newspaper at the time of a weak Labour leader reporting on a vote already decided and counted by breakfast time. As readers of Daily Mirror’s dead-tree organ study the predictions about Jezza the liability, the paper’s website reveals the result. Says Dan Bloom:
Jeremy Corbyn has defied his critics in spectacular fashion as Labour won a thumping victory in his first ballot box test.
Activists were jubilant as trucker’s son Jim McMahon romped home with an unexpected 10,722 majority in the Oldham West and Royton by-election.
Critics like, er, Dan Bloom.
Anyone still wondering why newspapers are dying?
Posted: 4th, December 2015 | In: Politicians, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment
Gary Neville named next Manchester United and England boss
Gary Neville, aka Gary the Red, self-styled Robert De Niro look-alike, and the former Manchester United and England defender, has taken a management job at Valencia. The tabloids all lead with the news.
The Mirror calls him “One EL of a boss”. He will “REIGN in Spain”.
The paper’s David Kidd says the “temptation is the regard Gary Neville’s appointment at Valencia as merely an audition for the England or Manchester United job”. Well, consider that temptation accepted.
The back page of the, er, Mirror declares: “First stop Valencia then next stop..England.”
The Express says Gary Neville will be the next England boss:
The Mail says England could be next to Neville. And the Sun says The Valencia role is “audition for the Three Lions job”.
Now…if he can just win some matches…
Posted: 3rd, December 2015 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Sarah Vine and online attacks on Gordon Ramsay’s ‘promiscuous’ daughters
For two days the Daily Mail has published this photograph of TV chef Gordon Ramsay’s four children: Jack, 16, Matilda, 14, Holly, 16, and Megan, 17. It was twins Jack and Holly’s joint 16th birthday party, and the family were gussied up for a party.
The Mail’s Sam Creighton said the children had been the victims of “online attacks”. And the paper had more to say. Cop a load of “14-year-old Matilda, wearing a black-and-white crop top with matching short skirt”, wrote Sam (age on application).
One day on and Sarah Vine, aka Mrs Michael Gove MP, is offering her opinion on the outfits. As you can see, Jack has been cropped from the family photo. Sarah opines:
Poor Gordon Ramsay – now there’s three words I never thought I’d write. The 49-year-old chef posted what he thought was an innocent picture of his children on a night out – and was hit by a tsunami of online criticism about his parenting skills. The problem was the girls’ outfits. Matilda, 14, in a stripy crop top and skater skirt; Holly, 16, in a slip of a sequin dress; and Megan, 17, also in a crop top and spangly mini-skirt.
A pox on that online criticism. Why can’t these people stop shining a light on children.
She continues:
‘Way too much skin,’ observed one critic; ‘keep their innocence a little longer’ suggested another; ‘those are some short skirts,’ said a third. I can certainly see what they mean…
The online comments which will have cut Ramsay most deeply, the ones that prey on every protective dad’s (and mother’s) darkest fears, are the ones that said his daughters looked like ‘hoochies’ — slang for promiscuous young girls.
Having repeated the words of those online attackers, Vine concedes:
…today it’s different in a way I’m only beginning to understand. The pressure to look a certain way is so much more intense. When I was a teenager, you hardly ever saw a photo of yourself. But in the age of photo-sharing apps such as Instagram, girls are constantly reviewing and analysing their appearance.
To say nothing of the horror of being commented on by middle-aged writers in the Daily Mail.
Posted: 2nd, December 2015 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment
Caffeine-Use Disorder is as real as your hallucinations
Scare story of the day is found in the Daily Mail (natch.), wherein we learn of “caffeine-use disorder”.
Sophie Freeman asks:
But how do you know when your love of coffee has gone too far?
When you’re on a coffee drip? The answer is with boffins at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore and the American University in Washington D.C.
Despite being the “most widely used psychoactive drug in the world”, caffeine can make you jittery, anxious and tense. A cup of coffee is the Daily Mail in liquid form.
As for the study behind the news of a new disorder to be treated by a new kind of therapy, the researchers surveyed 67 people. The coffee drinker were put on a “caffeine-fading scheme”, seeing their consumption reduced. They were given a booklet to “use between counsellor sessions”.
They were then locked alone inside their mum’s stuffy downstairs toilet for five days and invited to work through their delusions, nightmares and back copies of Readers’ Digest magazine.
Posted: 2nd, December 2015 | In: Reviews, Tabloids, The Consumer | Comment
Arsenal: Alexis Sanchez performs hokey cokey to prove his fitness
How injured is Arsenal’s Alexis Sanchez?
He’s IN!
The Mirror: “Sanchez has handed Arsenal a huge boost ahead of Christmas the New Year.”
He’s OUT!
The Sun: “Arsene Wenger fears Alexis Sanchez may miss the festive programme.”
He’s SHAKING IT ALL ABOUT!
The Mail: “Arsenal are still assessing star forward Alexis Sanchez.”
In other words: he’s injured but the tabloids have no idea how badly.
Posted: 2nd, December 2015 | In: Arsenal, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Premier League footballer in Sun schoolgirl stunna sexting sensation
Which part of this Sun headline excites you the most?
Premier league star meets uniformed schoolgirl in street… then sends pics of his manhood just hours later
If it’s the part of the uniformed schoolgirl, then you might wonder if the Sun is approving in this observation or damning?
After all, the Sun does love a young woman in a school uniform.
Here’s former Page 3 stunna Sam Fox, who never was upbraided for slapping on a gym slip:
And there was this story:
The Sun told its readers:
“St.Trinian’s back with a bang – And they’re as wild and sexy as ever – FIFTY years after they first charged through the crumbling corridors of their school, the girls of St. Trinian’s are back. And they’re as wild and sexy as ever.”
Adding:
“In an exclusive interview, Everett and Firth discuss our ‘pervy’ attitude to school uniforms and revealed how they overcame their public feud of 23 years to star in the film.”
And the tabloids carried this ad for Ryan Air:
Now, about that manhood…
Note: the woman referred to in the Sun’s headline is 18-year-old.
Posted: 29th, November 2015 | In: Reviews, Tabloids | Comment
Transfer balls: Liverpool in for 7 Dortmund players (and one plays for Manchester United)
The Metro reports Liverpool manager Jurgen Klopp as having said “nothing stopping Liverpool grabbing Marco Reus and Mats Hummels”.
Is that really what he said? Because last January the Metro reported that Reus had agreed to join Real Madrid – which he hadn’t done:
That balls was written by Jamie Sanderson, who is also the author of this latest news:
Sanderson adds:
Klopp has revealed he could sign the pair, because there’s no clause in his exit contract from Dortmund preventing him.
He could buy any Dortmund player for Liverpool, then. Indeed, in another article the Metro says Klopp wants to bring Neven Subotic to Liverpool.
That’s three Dortmund players. The Express spots Klopp’s shopping cart and adds Mats Hummels, Henrikh Mkhitaryan, Sven Bender and Ilkay Gundogan.
Can it be that Klopp will buy seven Dortmund players? We soon learn that the manager said:
…there could be a possibility – if we need a player then we could try. At this moment there is nothing to talk about. But there is no agreement that we can’t do business with Dortmund. There’s also no agreement that we can’t sell players to Dortmund!
One problem is that Hummels plays for Manchester United. He doesn’t? But we heard that he signed for them. We read that news in the Metro:
Such are the facts…
Posted: 29th, November 2015 | In: Liverpool, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
The Times corrects The Sun story on British Muslims supporting ISIS
The Times has issued a clarification of a poll that was first reported in The Sun.
The Times:
Aside the glaring errors, the poll was, er, spot on.
Posted: 26th, November 2015 | In: Reviews, Tabloids | Comment
Transfer balls: Ronaldo shuns Manchester United and follows a stranger to PSG
Did you see that Angel Di Maria has given a “massive hint” that Cristiano Ronaldo is going to join him at PSG? What!? He’s not joining Manchester United? The Sun tells us:
Di Maria drops massive hint Ronaldo is heading to PSG
What did he say? What did he do?
Sound the transfer klaxon! Is it too much of a coincidence that hours after Rafa Benitez’s future as Real Madrid boss was confirmed Angel Di Maria dropped a not-so-subtle hint about Cristiano Ronaldo’s plans? The Portuguese winger has been heavily linked with a move to Paris to join Di Maria, and the Argentinian used his Facebook page to give Ronaldo a message.
The message came in the form a caption to a photo of the two players. It said: “Soon my friend Cristiano Ronaldo.”
That sounds a bit menacing. Di Maria’s wife, Jorgelina Cardodo, explains the note on Instagram:
“Angel does NOT use Facebook, he does NOT use Twitter.”
Sound the klaxon!
Posted: 26th, November 2015 | In: manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Transfer balls: Manchester United get Gareth Bale, Ronaldo and Benitez
In “GALACTIGO”, the Daily Express says Manchester United are poised to sign Cristiano Ronaldo and Gareth Bale. If Real Madrid sell their players, if Manchester United have the money to sign then, if the players want to leave and play at Old Trafford, and if the planets are in alignment, United will get their men.
Bale, says the Express, is not a fans’ favourite at Real. A poll by Marca found “more than 48,000 people thought him the worst player on the pitch” when Real were tonked 4-0 by Barcelona., “closely followed by Ronaldo”.
Really?
Over at Marca, we read “Could Real Madrid have won the game?”
Answer: “Absolutely no chance.”
The paper adds:
Raphaël Varane looked like a nervous schoolboy. Toni Kroos returned to his deeper role, but nobody seemed to notice. He was rendered invisible. And Luka Modric was swept away by Iniesta, whose imposing performance was a finger in the eye for all those who assured that his best days were over early on last season.
No word on Bale and Ronaldo. But a few words on the manager are forthcoming:
Rafa Benítez’s dismissal is not a matter of if, but when. The debacle against Barcelona would seem to have made the decision a foregone conclusion.
And now for the poll facts.
Following Saturday’s disastrous result at the Bernabéu, more than 120,000 MARCA.com readers voted and assigned blame for what happened. Although everyone involved shared in the overall blame, Florentino Pérez was singled out as the person most at fault.
Florentino out!
The Real Madrid president picked up over 42% of the votes as the person most to blame for the crisis at the club following its embarrassing home defeat to Barça.
Pérez came in a long way ahead of Benítez (31.9%) and the players themselves (26%) when assigning blame for the team’s current situation.
And the players?
One of the most interesting things is that the Bernabéu faithful are most disappointed with the club’s big-name stars. Bale, Ronaldo and Benzema are amongst the players that fans blame most for the historic defeat. Them, and Danilo.
The players that fans are least disappointed with are Carvajal, Marcelo, Navas, Modric and James, in that order.
Team loses to arch rivals. Monocular fans turn on big name players, manager and president they hope will make them win, letting off steam in an online poll.
Ronaldo and Bale lead Real to champions’ League glory. All is right with the world. And in the UK, the Express says the biggest culprit are of to Old Trafford. Rafa for United it is, then…
Posted: 23rd, November 2015 | In: manchester united, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Transfer balls: Liverpool have £42m for Aubameyang, Chelsea offer £20m, Arsenal release Reus
ST GALLEN, SWITZERLAND – JULY 25: Marco Reus of Dortmund (R) celebrates his team’s second goal with team mate Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang during the friendly match between Juventus and Borussia Dortmund on July 25, 2015 in St Gallen, Switzerland. (Photo by Daniel Kopatsch/Getty Images)
Transfer balls: News is that Liverpool manager Jürgen Klopp is on course to reunite with Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, the Borussia Dortmund striker who has scored a mere 19 goals in 16 appearances so far this season.
The Guardian says Arsenal and Barcelona are among clubs to have noticed that Aubameyang is rather tasty, but Liverpool hope the player’s relationship with Klopp, who signed him, will secure a “£42m deal”.
The Sun, however, says Chelsea are leading the hunt, and are”weighing up a £20m bid”.
It all adds up to a lot of guesswork. Like this in the Bleacher Report:
Liverpool are hoping to recruit Borussia Dortmund star Marco Reus, but they will only be able to do so if Arsenal can secure his team-mate, Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, at the same time.
According to Heiko Ostendorp of German outlet Sport Bild (h/t Metro‘sGeorge Bellshaw), the pair “have made a pact to not leave the club unless the other is also leaving” with the Reds targeting Reus and the Gunners eyeing up Aubameyang.
That would be the dame Metro that told its readers:
Such are the facts.
Posted: 22nd, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, Liverpool, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Angelina Jolie not dead: weight falls to weekly deadline
Angelina Jolie weighs 83lbs. We know this because the National Enquirer leads with the weighty issue on its cover page. The NE loves to talk about Jolie’s weight. Her love-rival, former Mrs Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston, sucks the tabloid straw marked ‘Womb News”; Angelina gets “Thin” and “Death”. Brad, well, no-one ever mentions his luxuriant, post-ubiquitous-hat age-defying hair, odd for a middle-aged man seemingly in a state of perpetual “WORRY”.
Lest anyone reading think 83lbs an enviable weight, the NE tells us that Jolie has been on the wrong end of a “Doc’s DEADLY DIAGNOSIS”. It is a “heartbreaking medical crisis”. And Jolie’s not going alone or quietly because Brad Pitt “fears she’s a ‘WALKING TIME BOMB’.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 21st, November 2015 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment
Arsenal balls: fear and panic sell Laurent Koscielny short
Arsenal could be without Laurent Koscielny for their next Premier League match at West Bromwich Albion. The Sun says in “WENGER’S PARIS FEARS OVER KOSCIELNY” that the Gunner’s French manager Arsene Wenger “fears” the player is “too traumatised by the Paris attacks to play tomorrow”.
That’s the same player who a couple of days after the mass murder in Paris played for France at Wembley.
What Wenger actually said was – and this was him responding to a question:
“I’ll look how deeply they [Koscielny and his France team-mate Olivier Giroud) are affected. You look for resilience and them showing a desire to play… West Brom is a big game for us so I will talk to him [Koscielny] to see if he is completely recovered and focused… If not I will not play him.”
Fair enough. The player is a human being. But there is something crass about inviting speculation on his mental state and yelling “Star traumatised”. If Koscielny is stressed, surely a back-page headline – being elevated to the biggest story in world sport – is not what he needs.
Posted: 20th, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Transfer balls: Darren Raekwon McIntosh-Buffonge gets the Manchester United bullshit.com treatment
Manchester United have agreed terms with 17-year-old Darren Raekwon McIntosh-Buffonge. A mere five years ago, Darren was let go by Arsenal. He then tried his luck at Fulham. And now he’s signed a scholarship contract at Old Trafford.
Bit deal for him. But not a big deal for Arsenal nor Man United – unless you read your news in the Metro, where the move is:
Done deal: Man United confirm signing of brilliant ex Arsenal midfielder
Good grief.
Posted: 19th, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, manchester united, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
England v France: British tabloids sing La Marseillaise in a bikini
It helps, of course, that La Marseillaise is the world’s most sing-alongable national anthem. England football fans can sing it when the Three Lions play Les Blues at Wembley.
The Daily Mirror is here to help everyone who doesn’t have access to the internet learn the lines to the stirring tune:
Other newspapers support the French:
But the winning newspaper is the Daily Star with its bikinis (traditions French attire) and balls.
Posted: 17th, November 2015 | In: Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
