Tabloids Category
The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.
Paris murders: 44m Muslim ‘jihadis’ live in Europe and other tabloid horrors
The Daily Express says there are “450 Jihadis on The Loose in the UK”. That’s a precise number. Where are they, and how do we know they are ‘on the loose’?
One line into the story and we read that there are “up to 450 battle-hardened jihadis on the street of Britain after fighting in Syria”. Surely if these people have been to Syria and then arrived or retuned to the UK, the border forces know of them?
The paper’s headline comes from a warning issued by Charles Farr, director of the Office for Security and Counter-Terrorism in a speech last week.
He said that about 750 British citizens “of interest to the security and intelligence services” had travelled to Syria of whom “about 60 per cent had returned”.
What the Express does not note is what Farr said in June:
“It’s not to say the challenges they pose are not significant, they are. But … the more we overstate them the more, frankly, we risk labelling Muslim communities as somehow intrinsically extremist, which actually despite an unprecedented wealth of social media propaganda, they have proved not to be. So I think we need to be cautious with our metaphors and with our numbers.”
In other Express news:
And:
The Express picks up the news that one of the Paris murderers could have been a ‘refugee’ from Syria. It invites readers to respond to a premium-rate phone poll:
Does the Express have an agenda?
As the Express builds fences and divides, the Mirror says 2000 “extra spies” are being recruited to protect the UK”. To which the obvious question is: recruited from where?
Inside we learn that spies will be taken from SAS and SBS troops and seconded to Scotland Yard’s Counter Terrorism Command. These, presumably, would be crack troops not needed on the streets of Iraq and Syria to off the enemy?
The Mirror ads that any Syrian’s entering Britain as migrants are being vigorously screened.
But is it enough? The Mail leads with “THE DEADLY BLUNDERS”. It says suicide bomber Ahmad Almohammad “was waved into Europe posing as a Syrian refugee”. Salah Abdeslam “was in police clutches – but they let him go” – he was stopped and let go by police close to the Belgian border.
Let go? Or followed?
One other murderer attracts the Mails‘ attention – “blue-eyed” Ismael Omar Mostefai. Why his eye colour matters is odd, and something neo-Nazis are free to discuss.
The Mail then thunders: “They ever butchered fans in wheelchairs”.
Again, one for the Nazis.
The Mail then cites the aforesaid Farr: “450 jihadis back in UK but has a single passport been seized?” Like the Express, it too fails to note Farr’s other words on Muslims. But it does say:
Why is that news? Are all Muslims not under suspicion – the man in the newsagents, your friend at work, the bank manger, the wonderful singer Nadine Shah?
Over in te Sun, the message is that it’s “Time for Britain to take the fight to ISIS”.
Better yet, why not just give the Kurds guns and personnel. For some time the (Muslim) Kurds have been protecting Western civilisation from the Islamist nutters. Might be an idea to recognises your allies and back them.
Posted: 16th, November 2015 | In: Key Posts, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment
Transfer balls: Joel Campbell signs for two clubs and vows to stay at Arsenal
Transfer Balls: New now to gladden the hearts of every Arsenal player: Joel Campbell is here to stay.
The Metro says Campbell’s agent sees his client remaining at Arsenal for some time.
Campbell, who signed for Arsenal nearly five years ago, has spent significant time on-loan at clubs such as Lorient, Real Betis, Olympiacos and Villarreal.
And then he returned to become the Gunners fourth-choice right-sided attacking midfielder.
Many had expected to him to be sold in the coming months, but after scoring on his first Premier League start against Swansea last weekend, Campbell’s agent Joaquim Batica says the 23-year-old wants to stay at the Emirates Stadium and win titles.
He does his best. But with Campbell in the side, those titles look more elusive than ever.
The better news for Arsenal fans is that this is the Metro, a newspaper full of utter tosh:
Such are the facts…
Posted: 6th, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
John Bercow vs The Sun: Sally snogs and hacking Japan
John Bercow, House of Commons speakers and husband to Sally the Seleb, has been “blasted for racking up a £10,000 bill; on a junket to Japan”. So says the Sun. We hear the view of “one senior Tory MP, who tells us:
“John Bercow is a disgusting freeloader, I bet the Japanese did not even want him to come.”
By way of balance the Sun also hears from Dia Chakravarty of the TaxPayers’ Alliance, who says Bercow “didn’t provide the taxpayers with better value for money”.
In previous news, totally unconnected to the Sun’s view of Bercow:
MPs and peers have “rediscovered their collective balls” over the phone-hacking affair, the Speaker has told the Guardian.
And:
Sally Bercow has blasted The Sun after the newspaper published pictures of her kissing a man under the headline “Must Tongue Sally”.
Such are the facts.
Posted: 5th, November 2015 | In: Politicians, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment
Arsenal balls: Giroud good enough for Bayern, Joel Campbell nicking a living, Wenger ‘poor’
Arsenal get “Mullered” (The Mirror) and work “Nein to 5” (Sun) – papers reacting to the Gunners’ 5-1 thrashing against Bayern Munich.
But what about those points, the scores out of 10 dished out to the teams?
The Mirror’s John Cross is right: Joel Campbell was dire, an Arsenal player nicking a living in the shirt. But was Giroud that bad?
The Mail is more generous. Campbell gets a score of 5.5. This means he was better than Cazorla (he wasn’t) and on a part with Monreal, the overworked, exposed left back. Only Giroud and Cech come out with any credit, both collecting scores that would have got them into the Bayern side.
Posted: 5th, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Chelsea benefit from FA conspiracy to let Diego Costa escape ban for Liverpool ‘red card’
In his ‘JOIN THE DEBATE’ column for the Daily Mail, Martin Samuel focuses on Chelsea striker Diego Costa.
Diego Costa will not be charged by the Football Association for his off-the-ball kick on Martin Skrtel.
Fact. But this is debate, so…
Why? Replays plainly showed Costa pushing his studs into Skrtel as the pair fell to the ground in Saturday’s game at Stamford Bridge.
Costa has previous for violent play, too, and served a three-match ban earlier in the season. Yet the FA line is that referee Mark Clattenburg saw the incident and dealt with it at the time. Really? If he did he was the only one who didn’t believe it deserved action.
In Monday’s Mail, Matt Barlow prised Skrtel for “not making a meal of it”.
The Mail has already published the views of one referee. It employs Graham Poll to tell readers:
When Diego Costa fouled Martin Skrtel it did appear that he made a secondary action with his right leg and kicked the Liverpool man in a violent manner. The incident occurred close to Clattenburg who took no action. Perhaps he missed it completely or didn’t think it violent. Perhaps he thought it fair ‘retaliation’ after Skrtel had caught Costa with a leading forearm in the first half. For me at full speed I doubt whether any referee would have dismissed the Chelsea man; replays might well have led to a red card but thankfully we still trust our referees to get the majority of decisions right.
Might. But… Not that conclusive, then.
Samuel adds:
More likely, Clattenburg and the FA knew after the game that Lucas Leiva of Liverpool should have received a second yellow card, and that to punish Costa — who could have been banned for four matches considering the previous offence — would merely add to Chelsea’s conspiracy fantasies. So it wasn’t justice: merely a balancing of injustices, which isn’t the same at all.
Chelsea benefit from FA conspiracy. Read all about it!
Posted: 4th, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, Liverpool, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Chelsea balls: Mourinho prepares for an assault on the beaches of Stoke, Arsenal and Liverpool
The media narrative is that every Chelsea match is Jose Mourinho’s D-DAY.
Today the Daily Express says Chelsea’s match at Stoke City is the manager’s ‘D-DAY’:
The London Evening Standard said Jose’s D-Day was the match against Liverpool.
The Times of India agreed.
The Bleacher Report says Chelsea v Arsenal was Mourinho’s D-DAY:
D-Day is a pretty regular event in Jose’s life. For anyone wondering if D-Day is just a term to describe a man losing his job, this is what D-Day was:
During World War II (1939-1945), the Battle of Normandy, which lasted from June 1944 to August 1944, resulted in the Allied liberation of Western Europe from Nazi Germany’s control. Codenamed Operation Overlord, the battle began on June 6, 1944, also known as D-Day, when some 156,000 American, British and Canadian forces landed on five beaches along a 50-mile stretch of the heavily fortified coast of France’s Normandy region.
The Allied forces had one D-Day. Jose Mourinho’s had three of them this season.
Posted: 3rd, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Chelsea Balls: Jose banned from watching matches on the telly, Makelele linked, yet another D-Day
Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho leads every tabloids’ sports section. The Sun says Mourinho is a “BASKET CASE”. The Mirror agrees, leading with the same headline.
Sticking with the Sun, Jose”s been hit with a “double whammy” of a stadium band and lawsuit. He’s bene hit with a fine for being mouthy (£40,000 in the Mail; £50,000 in the Mirror).
These “basket case” headlines are a pun on a pervious time when Jose was banned from entering the stadium and he sneaked in by hiding in a laundry basket. The lawsuit refers to Dr Eva Carneiro, the now former Chelsea team doctor, whose appeal for constructive dismissal could see Mourinho called before an employment tribunal.
Over pages 52-53, the Sun’s Steven Howard says “fed up stars can put Jose in his place”. Howard reasons that with Mourinho banned from Stoke City’s ground for Chelsea’s weekend visit the players will show what they can do without him. In Howard’s world there are no TV cameras (the game is live on Sky), phones not any other way the Chelsea manager can watch the match and communicate with his staff – those coaches he works with and who he picked to work with him.
Howard wonders what will happen should Chelsea win well at Stoke “without” Mourinho. In Howard’s view of football the only thing that matters is what happen in the changing room at half-time and the pre-match warm up. Those many training ground sessions and talks count for nought.
The Express says the Stoke match is Jose’s D-Day. This is the same Express that told us the Chelsea v Liverpool game was Mourinho’s D-day and that he’d be sacked should his side lose. They lost. He was not sacked. It was not D-day.
The Mirror says the Stoke game could save “Jose’s career”. Wow! Not just his job at Chelsea but his entire career.
Dave Kidd says it’s all over – “Mourinho will be brought down by players lacking conviction in his methods”.
So. Mourinho is on his way, then. The Mail says he’ll be replaced by a “dream ticket” of Carlo Ancelotti and Claude Makelele (sacked from managing at Bastia after just 6 months).
Live the dream.
Posted: 3rd, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Chelsea balls: Mourinho is sacked following Liverpool defeat and other tabloid toss
Jose Mourinho has been sacked. Either that or else the Daily Express is about as reliable as Diego Costa’s hamstring.
On November 1, Adam Skinner told us that if Chelsea lost to Liverpool, Mourinho would be sacked.
Chelsea lost 1-3. Mourinho has not been sacked.
Over in the Mirror, Simon Mullock had news:
The Blues were beaten and the issue is now when owner Roman Abramovich will make the change. Sources in Portugal believe Mourinho may not be in charge for Wednesday’s Champions League clash with Dynamo Kiev.
Not exactly steeped in facts is it? Number of sources linked to and mentioned by name: none.
What utter balls.
Posted: 2nd, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Chelsea balls: Hazard to Real Madrid, the Stamford Bridge poisoner, Mourinho lives in Roman’s head
More Jose Mourinho career news in the Express, which leads with an incredible insight into the mind of Blue’s owner Roman Abramovich.
In “ROMAN’S AGONY”, we read that the Russian billionaire is “agonising over the prospect of sacking Jose Mourinho”. Oddly, Tony Banks follows that by saying Abramovich “desperately does not want to axe the manager:
From a mind in turmoil to a mind resolved in the time it took to read a Daily Express paragraph. Wow!
Inside the Express and over two page, Banks’ reports on Chelsea’s home defeat to Liverpool is headlined “The Special One is at a standstill”. Even in defeat, Jose remains the star turn.
The Sun leads with “CAP IN HAND”, a pun on the apparent news that former England manager Fabio Capello “heads the list of big-hitters keen on the Chelsea job”. He, Guus Hiddink and Carlo Ancelotti are “ready to listen to offers”. Chelsea fans must wonder why their club is picking manager from a vintage merry go round. Over two pages, readers learn that “IT’S TIRED, OLD JOSE” – but he’s still younger than the Three Degrees of Desperation lining up to replace him.
The Mirror leads with news of the Chelsea first team player who said he’d “Rather Lose Than Win for Mourinho”. Who is he? Why did he say it? The Stamford Bridge poisoner is also the Mail’s lead story. He is the paper “mystery player”.
Over two pages inside the Mirror, we learn that Mourinho will remain at Stamford Bridge because “there’s no one else who can step in and sort out the mess”.
The Mirror’s John Cross needs to buy the Sun, which already has three names and hasn’t even got to Avram Grant.
But before Jose goes, the Mail says Eden Hazard “wants to leave”. In all, the Mail gives over five pages to Jose’s job. Martin Samuel points out that Chelsea players are not performing to their potential. The idea of Hazard heading off the Real Madrid on the back of “one brilliant shift” is fanciful. But it is “easier to change one coach than 11 players.”
Jose will stay. He’s the best man for the job. After all, what would the tabloids do without him?
Posted: 2nd, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Chelsea balls: Eden Hazard ignores Mourinho, Henry saves Jose, tabloids have field day
More Chelsea balls in the Daily Mail, which leads with a series of photos of Jose Mourinho talking with Eden Hazard. The media narrative is that Mourinho is on the “brink” of the sack. Having stuck the Chelsea manager on the precipice, the same media then talks about how he can be saved.
The Sun’s back page tells of “Mourinho D’Day”.
He’s on the brink. That’s Thierry Henry’s cue to say that Jose can be saved.
Having seen the Sun’s masterclass in tabloid repotting – create the drama then offer the imperilled star an escape via an ‘exclusive’ opinion piece – the Mail connives.
On this tabloid we see the same photo of Mourinho in conversation with Hazard, Chelsea’s star player. Now, thought, we are offered context:
Mourinho is portrayed as clueless, asking his players to help him. Hazard, coveted by Barcelona, is seen symbolically walking away, leaving Mourinho his his agonies.
What went before or comes after we have no idea. The Mail has selected the pictures to fit the narrative.
Such are the facts.
Posted: 30th, October 2015 | In: Chelsea, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Transfer balls: Manchester United wait for Neymar as Barcelona show him the money
Neymar: dreaming of Salford
Transfer balls: Are Manchester United buying Neymar?
The Sun says Barcelona will offer the Brazilian £500,000-a-week.
Can United top that?
In another article the Sun says Man United will “play the long game”. Neymar is 23, Will United wait until he’s, say, 43, before swooping?
In a remarkable spout of balls, Neil Curtis writes:
IT WAS thought the pull of Manchester United in world football had diminished since Sir Alex Ferguson bowed out at Old Trafford. The very fact that Neymar is about to have his wages doubled at The Nou Camp to £500,000 a week shows it hasn’t.
Eh? Is the thinking that because United want Neymar, Barcelona have been panicked into making him the third best played player in the world, after Messi and Ronaldo?
Such is the concern surrounding United’s interest in the Brazilian star, 23, that he will be propelled into the same wage brackets as Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo. Two other players who United would not hesitate in trying to get to Old Trafford.
This isn’t news. It’s PR. We’re told United would love to buy the world’s top players. Well, so would every other club. Would the players want to join United?
Any indication from the Messi camp that he is after pastures new and they would be straight in there.
Looking desperate and assuring the Argentinean that his national team-mate Angel Di Maria loved living in Manchester and playing under Louis Van Gaal.
Twice they have attempted to get Ronaldo back to Old Trafford and there is still a romantic view that he will play out his final couple of years as a professional back at the club where he made his name.
And twice they have failed. As for romance, surely Ronaldo returning to Sporting Lisbon, from where United bought him, would be a sweeter story.
There was much scoffing on social media when SunSport broke the story that United had tried to get Neymar.
Tried. And failed. Such is that “pull” of Manchester United.
It remains tempting for someone who would be happy to be THE star at another club on the same level as Barca. United are a club under the executive vice chairman Ed Woodward who are not afraid to ruffle the feathers of the likes of Real and Barca.
Real and Barca then puff our their plumage and strut off with the world’s best players. After such puffery, Curtis then reads Neymar’s mind:
Whether United get Neymar any time soon or not, they have put down a marker for the future. By making that shock move, they have made the player think about options that were not previously there. They have made him think about a future elsewhere.
Yeah, because one of the world’s best players had no idea other clubs would like him to play for them.
Posted: 29th, October 2015 | In: manchester united, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Madeleine McCann: 4 police, Google gold and front-page news
Madeleine McCann: a look at the missing child in the media.
The Sun (front page): “Cops in hunt for Maddie slashed”
The “search” has been “drastically cut back”. Reducing the number of police officers on the case from a platoon-sized 29 to a small office-sized 4 is “a huge blow to parents Kate and Gerry”.
This news is shared with the other front-page police matters that “Britain’s tops cops” have warned that “huge spending cuts will spell the end for bobbies on the beat”. It’s cost The Met Police not much under £11m since 2011 to find out what happened to Madeleine McCann. The Sun’s juxtaposition of the two stories is not accidental.
Page 9: “FEAR OF LOST GIRLS PARENTS – IS THIS END OF COP HUNT FOR MADDIE?”
Answer: No. Four police remain on the case.
We hear from a “source close to Mum Kate and dad Gerry”. They say: “They know it can’t go on forever. They’re preparing for it to be shelved for good in coming months.”
We hear their official “statement”: “We remain hopeful she may still be found…”
Daily Mail (Page 25): “”Maddie probe team is slashed from 29 detectives to just 4.”
Just 4. Just?
We learn that the Government “initially set aside 5m for the Met probe”. We are reminded that the Portuguese investigation was “marred by blunders”.
It has also sold a lot of newspapers and garnered online clicks.
Daily Express (front page): “MADDY: POLICE RUN OUT OF CLUES”
Did they ever have any?
The Express agrees that there will “just” four offices working full-time on the case.
Page 9: “McCanns cling to hope as inquiry is cut back”
To illustrate how this story has gone nowhere, this is the Daily Express headline from 29 April 2009: “Madeleine’s parents still cling to hope.”
The paper notes:
Since the little girl, who would now be 11, vanished, every possible theory has been explored including that she was kidnapped by a peadophile [sic], killed during a botched burglary and her body dumped, snatched by traffickers and sold to a childless couple and she wandered out of the apartment and died in a tragic accident.
The Express, of course, indulged in another theory that cost it dear when it libelled the McCanns:
The question of what happened to the little girl has not only become a personal tragedy for the McCann family, but a national obsession in the UK and in Portugal. However, to date, not one shred of proof of what happened to Madeleine has been unearthed.
Not everyone has been as obsessed as the Express:
Daily Mirror (front page): “MADDIE – Police scaling down hunt”
Page 11: “Maddie Cops Cut From 29 To Four – But Met says investigation continues”
Not shelved, then. But there are – get this – “just four” detectives on the case.
Daily Star (front page): “Search for Maddie cut”
Page 6: “Family’s agony as cops slash Maddie squad”
Agony? Surely the agony was the child vanishing. The case remains open. The parents “remain hopeful”
Such are the facts.
Posted: 29th, October 2015 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews, Tabloids | Comment
Chelsea balls: Mourinho’s new low, Stoke City are easy, Blues ‘plumb new depths’
Chelsea balls: The Sun sticks its napkin into its collar, picks up a knife and fork and tucks into Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho. Stoke – a Premier League playing at home – beat Chelsea on penalties in the League Cup.
The Sun’s back page tells us that the result means Jose Mourinho is “on the brink” of leaving Chelsea.
Jose Mourinho is “clinging to his job by a thread”. Chelsea did a “crash ‘n burn”. Chelsea “plumbed new depths”.
To recap: Stoke City are a top-flight side playing at home. They won in a penalty shoot-out.
The Sun’s match reports goes:
It cannot be disputed his [Mourinho’s] players gave their all for him last night. This time, unquestionably, they threw everything at it.
Sure, they showed new levels of commitment, determination and dogged resistence [sic] as they clawed their way back from the loss of a sensational Jon Walters goal. Of course, they kept going to deservedly snatch a stoppage-time equaliser through sub Loic Remy. But that should really be a given from the reigning champions.
Can a team plumb news depth by playing as champions should? Apparently, yes.
Posted: 28th, October 2015 | In: Chelsea, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Chelsea balls: Jose Mourinho in bondage club Hell and other love letters
How boring is Jose Mourinho? Don’t bother answering. It’s a rhetorical question. The Mail says the Chelsea boss is a huge bore.
Michael Henderson states:
Not many people are listening any more. Mourinho, who was never as interesting as some lickspittles imagined, has become a bore
So boring is Mourinho that he occupies most of the Mail’s back page. Chelsea were knocked out the League Cup by Stoke City – but both clubs are overshadowed by the boring one.
Matt Lawton’s match report is headlined:
“THAT PUTS JOSE ON THE SPOT”
Chelsea lost on penalty kicks. But the pun plays second fiddle to Mourinho’s first name – like all legends he only needs one – the mad bore.
Also in today’s entertaining Daily Mail – these stories all from just TODAY:
Jose Mourinho walks out of Chelsea post-match interview after refusing to answer ‘negative’ question about team’s defending in Capital One Cup defeat by Stoke – Simeon Gholam
Guus Hiddink hints at interest in Chelsea job if Jose Mourinho leaves, saying ‘top class football is always attractive’ – Adam Shergold
Loic Remy wants Jose Mourinho to stay at Chelsea and has backed the boss to lead Stamford Bridge club to top four finish – Press Association Reporter
Chelsea have lost HALF of their 14 games since Eva Carneiro row… where has it gone wrong for Jose Mourinho’s champions? – Jonny Singer
Mourinho still the right man for Chelsea, says Remy – Reuters
Loic Remy tells Chelsea not to sack Jose Mourinho – Press Association
Defiant Mourinho doesn’t need ‘assurances’ as Chelsea exit Cup – Reuters
Jose Mourinho’s job as Chelsea manager hangs by a thread… but Blues boss insists he does not need further reassurance from owner Roman Abramovich over his future – Chris Wheeler
Stoke 1-1 Chelsea (AET: 5-4 on pens) PLAYER RATINGS: So, who played his heart out for Jose Mourinho? – Chris Wheeler
Under-fire Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho has no luck once again as holders crash out – Press Association Reporter
In any other business, Chelsea’s suffering boss Jose Mourinho would get a sabbatical to save him – Martin Samuel
Get a load of all those lickspittles on the Mail’s payroll.
And get a load of some other Henderson bon mots:
Like some footsore wanderer, beset by vagabonds, Jose Mourinho stands at the crossroads, looking for the path that will be his salvation. In vain, alas. One sign reads ‘disgrace’, the other ‘despair’. And both lead, as night follows day, to ‘dismissal’.
Jose inspires journalist to 19th Century epiphany!
Charged on Monday by the FA with misconduct, following his latest acts of petulance on Saturday, when Chelsea lost their fifth league match of this wretched season at West Ham, Mourinho is once again wearing a face longer than a day without breakfast.
All over by brunch!
It appears, from his extraordinary behaviour in the past three months, that he wants to be released from his bondage at Stamford Bridge, and it shouldn’t be long before his wish is granted.
Jose in S&M Hell!
Will angels pluck a thousand harps to send him on his way? Will the tears of loyal supporters run like rivers along Fulham Road? Hardly. It has been clear for some time that many Chelsea fans find his narcissism as tiresome as the rest of us. When he goes, next week, next month, next year, it will be with everybody’s blessing.
Jose in Homer-erotic reverie!
Harsh, you say? Not harsh enough. In terms of pots won, Mourinho has been a remarkably successful manager. Nobody can take those titles away from him, and nobody ever will. Yet, apart from the supporters of Porto, Chelsea, Inter Milan and Real Madrid, who can say, hand on heart, that the teams he has sent into the field have raised spirits?
Well, aside from every single Chelsea fan, how about this chap, who writes for the, er, Daily Mail:
And still Henderson goes on:
Mourinho’s teams are not designed to delight, or even entertain.
Or as the Mail’s Pete Jenson outs it:
He ends:
Besieged by foes, he sits in his bunker, cursing all who would doubt him. But not many people are listening any more. Mourinho, who was never as interesting as some lickspittles imagined, has become a bore. We are approaching the final act, not with tears but mocking laughter. To borrow from My Fair Lady: ‘Poor Jose, how simply frightful. How humiliating. How delightful.’
Editorial meetings at the Mail must be a riot. Hendeson v the Mourinho Lickspittles – hundreds of them all writing about the most boring man in the world.
Posted: 28th, October 2015 | In: Chelsea, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Transfer balls: Arsenal, Higuain and £68m going nowhere
Transfer Balls: The Daily Mirror says Arsenal are “preparing [a] sensational £68m Gonzalo Higuain bid’. Of course the Mirror is more conniving than that, adding a question mark to the end of the statement. Google doesn’t see those question marks so the poser is presented as fact to the unwary web clicker.
‘Gunners preparing sensational £68m Gonzalo Higuain bid?’
The simple answer is ‘No’. The golden rule is that any headline in a question form can be answered in the negative. But let’s see what the Mirror says below the headline:
The Gunners have been rumoured to be interested in making a play for the Argentine in the last few transfer windows, but any move is likely to have to wait until next summer, report Italian outlet Calciomercato.
Higuain has a £68million release clause in his contract in Naples.
Over there we read (via Google translate) highlights such as:
….the Argentine is still untouchable at Naples…
… The fact remains that the player’s head has always remained on Naple…
….Napoli plan to offer Gonzalo a new improved contract keeping him at Napoli until 2019…
…Higuain has desire to listen to the proposals that come mainly from the Premier League, Arsenal in the lead.
The single mention of Arsenal in 411 words is that they were interested in Higuain. There is not one word from the player, Arsenal nor Napoli. There is not even the “rumour” that Arsenal are planning a huge bid for Higuain. It is utter balls by the Mirror.
Posted: 27th, October 2015 | In: Arsenal, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Arsenal balls: Wenger quits in 2017 and stays until 2019
Arsene Wenger is leaving Arsenal. But when will he go? The Daily Mirror has been hot on the news.
Today Steve Stammers says Wenger will remain at Arsenal until 2019:
The big question is: does John Cross, also of the Mirror, know? On October 15 2015, Cross told Mirror readers that Wenger had named the day of when his Arsenal job ends. And it wasn’t 2019:
More utter balls in the tabloids every day.
Posted: 25th, October 2015 | In: Arsenal, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Transfer Balls: Arsenal offer Lavezzi a ‘ditch’, players agrees Barcelona deal, wants to join Juventus
Transfer Balls: Do Arsenal need another striker? Surely if Olivier Giroud is good enough score against the mighty Bayern Munich, and with Theo Walcott finding the net regularly, and Danny Welbeck on his way back from injury, the Gunners forward line is well stocked.
But the Mirror says Arsenal are to “launch a last-ditch attempt to sign Ezequiel Lavezzi”.
Lavezzi’s contract expires at the end of next season, and there has been talk of him leaving PSG. Barcelona are apparently also interested, but Arsenal are keen to take him to the Emirates.
Poor old Barcelona need a striker much more than Arsenal do. Yeah, that one makes sense.
The idea of Lavezzi to Arsenal is echoed in the Metro:
Arsenal make last-ditch attempt to seal cut-price transfer of Paris Saint-Germain star Ezequiel Lavezzi
As the Metro and Mirror report from within the echo chamber, talkSport says Arsenal can forget about it:
The broadcaster notes:
Liverpool and Tottenham target Ezequiel Lavezzi has agreed to join Barcelona next summer
Why would Bareclona want him? It makes little sense.
The Football Italia blog says no deal has been done because Lavezzi wants to play for Juventus. That chimes with earlier news:
Such are the facts when a player nears the end of his contract and his agent picks up the phone…
Posted: 24th, October 2015 | In: Arsenal, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Transfer Balls: Manchester United have £50m for Spurs’ Harry Kane
Transfer Balls: Manchester Untied will offer Spurs £50m for their striker Harry Kane, says the Daily Star. The paper says United manager Louis Van Gaal is “demanding the Old Trafford top brass” sign the 22-year-old England striker.
The paper says United launched a failed £25m bid for Kane over the summer.
Will Kane and Spurs take the money?
Who know? After all, this is the Daily Star, which told Google News that Kane already plays at Old Trafford:
And:
Such are the facts…
Posted: 24th, October 2015 | In: manchester united, Reviews, Sports, Spurs, Tabloids | Comment
Swansea City balls: magic Gary Monk vanishes
Gary Monk is magic! The Swansea City manager really is magic. He can make himself disappear. Yesterday the Mirror’s John Cross tweeted:
Garry Monk misses training as pressure mounts at Swansea
Monk missing. Pressure mounting. Two plus two equals… Sacked?!
The Mirror duly reported why Monk was missing:
Garry Monk did not go into training at Swansea today. It is understood that he missed the session because of personal reasons.
Or as Swansea City put it:
Had Monk reappeared, as if by magic?
The Mirror’s John Cross went back to work:
Garry Monk is under mounting pressure at Swansea. The Swans have been on a winless run of six games…. Swansea today moved to deny that Monk missed training by posting pictures of their manager taking a session at the club’s Fairwood HQ. But they confirmed that Monk did miss the team’s warm-down session on Tuesday following the defeat to Stoke the night before.
He missed the warm-down session at Stoke City? Do you even need a manager to supervise that? Did it miss it for “personal reasons”? And ‘moved to deny” sounds a lot like denying and saying the Mirror was wrong.
Such are the facts.
Posted: 22nd, October 2015 | In: Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Transfer balls: Eden Hazard wants to quit Chelsea for Real Madrid AND Barcelona
News is that Eden Hazard wants to leave Chelsea. The Belgian fancies joining Real Madrid says L’Equipe. As is so often the way with these things, Hazard has told friends, family, pals, dogs and parrots that he wants to move. For some reason, they all decide at once to tell the Press. Hazard says nothing in public, preferring to let his football do the talking, which it is – quietly.
The Indy takes up the story:
The report comes in the same week that Hazard seemed to ‘like’ a post on Instagram linking him with a move to Real Madrid.
At at once we see the plan. Hazard is no longer playing his best in order to avoid winning a man-of-the-match bottle of champers and being made to speak in public. He now only communicates through nameless cousins and ‘likes’.
Of course, Hazard’s potential moves have been in the news for some time:
Such are the facts…
Posted: 22nd, October 2015 | In: Chelsea, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Arsenal balls: ‘devastated’ Ramey back in three weeks
“Devastating”
Arsenal Injury Balls: Having read about the “devastating” injury to Aaron Ramsey in the Metro and how the Welsh footballer will miss ’10’ matches, the Mirror says he will be out “up to a month”.
The Mail says he’ll be fit to play in…three weeks.
The Metro really is full of utter balls.
Such are the facts.
Posted: 22nd, October 2015 | In: Arsenal, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Arsenal balls: Ramsey and that ‘devastating injury’
The media loves an injury. Arsenal midfielder and Wales captain Aaron Ramsey was injured during the Gunners’ match against Bayern Munich. The Metro picks up the player’s medical charts. And gasps:
Devastating? Ramsay had his leg badly broken at Stoke City. That was devastating. This is a hamstring injury.
Sam Kearns writes:
Arsenal fear that Aaron Ramsey will be out of action for up to six weeks after the Wales midfielder injured his hamstring in the Gunners’ 2-0 win against Bayern Munich.
How does he know that, then?
….according to Goal.com, the former Cardiff City man is facing a six-week spell on the sidelines that will see him miss matches against Bayern Munich, Tottenham and Dinamo Zagreb.
Over at Goal.com, Greg Stobat writes:
Arsenal fear Aaron Ramsey faces six weeks out with the hamstring injury that forced him off during the 2-0 win over Bayern Munich on Tuesday night.
As we wonder out if Stobart and Kearns are one and the same, we read the BBC:
Wenger said Ramsey will miss Saturday’s Premier League game against Everton and could be out for some time. “He’s very down, he told me that the hamstring is a tough one. He’s out yes,” Wenger said.
In the Telegraph the news is fuller:
What had been an increasingly settled Arsenal team will be disrupted, however, by the loss of Aaron Ramsey. He suffered three similar hamstring injuries last season and, while assessments are ongoing, the initial sense is that he will be out until at least next month’s international break.
Those begin on November 13. That would mean Ramsey missing five matches, including a League Cup rubber against Sheffield Wednesday – not 10 matches, as the Metro thrills. If he is out for six weeks, that should see him miss 8 matches.
Such are the facts.
Posted: 21st, October 2015 | In: Arsenal, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Clickbait football: Surprising facts about Arsenal for Metro readers
The “surprising” stat is that Arsenal have won more Premier League games than any other team in 2015. Trouble is that season runs from August to May – so its means nothing.
Posted: 18th, October 2015 | In: Arsenal, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Transfer balls: Arsenal chase Isco to beat Chelsea in a game of tabloid tag
Transfer Balls: The Metro says Arsenal are looking to buy a “world star”. Who he? And what is a “world star”?
Rebecca Coles explains:
Arsenal ready to beat Chelsea to transfer of world-star in January – report
Yes, yes. Who is it? What is it?
Arsenal are to step up their interest in Real Madrid’s Isco after reports Chelsea and Manchester City are also lining a potential transfer for the midfielder. The Gunners are eyeing a £22million deal to sign Isco in the January transfer window, according to Spanish news outlet Fichajes…
Why would Arsenal want hm
…in a bid to improve their chances to win the Premier League title.
No sh*t, Sherlock.
No link to the Fichajes site. But we looked and found:
The Gunners team that has followed him on many occasions, are considering the possibility of disbursing € 30 million to take over its services. The London club would be trying to do everything possible to incorporate into their ranks in the not too distant future, as indicated Caught offside .
Over there we are told:
Arsenal are ready to launch a £22m bid for Real Madrid attacking midfielder Isco in January according to the Daily Mirror.
Liam Corless writes:
Arsenal will attempt to sign Isco from Real Madrid in January, according to reports in Spain.
Can he cite a source?
Fichajes claim the Gunners will lodge a £22m bid for the Spanish starlet when the winter transfer window opens.
It’s another Human Centipede of football reporting.
Posted: 17th, October 2015 | In: Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
Arsenal balls: Wenger quits ‘all of a sudden’
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has ‘named the date when his career at the Gunners end – the Mirror says it’s June 30 2017:
The Mirror says Wenger will “quit in 19 moths”.
On October 3, the same newspaper said Wenger had no plans to quit:
Wenger spoke:
“I will retire, don’t worry. But no, I haven’t decided on a plan yet. I think it can be more instinctive and impulsive than that. I’ve heard that so many times, ‘Next year I will retire’ and then they continue, or go somewhere else. I think one thing is for sure that, when I retire, I will really retire.”
And so to today’s scoop:
Gunners boss Wenger’s current £8m-a-deal expires at the end of next season and talked as if he was preparing to leave at the club’s AGM on Thursday
No quitting, then, but reaching the end of his current deal.
He said:
“I am resolute to commit absolutely until the last day of my contract to bring back big success to this club, and leave as well one day in a position where it can do even better when I leave. That is for me very important that I leave the club in the shape that the guy who comes after me can do better. The responsibility on my shoulders is much bigger. I know what it means for people. I know how sad people are when we don’t do well, I know how sad people are when we lose a game.”
So he has not set a date when he will quit. The Mirror’s scoop is balls.
The Times is more circumspect:
Arsène Wenger hints at his Arsenal exit strategy
Arsène Wenger, the Arsenal manager, has given the first hint he is starting to contemplate his legacy at the Emirates Stadium, suggesting that he is determined to make sure that he leaves the club in such rude health that his successor is more successful than he has been.
Speaking at a stormy annual general meeting, the 65-year-old insisted he is “absolutely committed” to seeing out his contract, which expires in 2017. Sir Chips Keswick, the club’s chairman, also made clear that he and the board remain convinced that Wenger is the “best person to take charge of Arsenal for as long as he feels inclined”.
Said Wenger:
“Looking back, I am proud we have won titles and FA Cups, but the first quality of a club is to be consistent. We have had 18 consecutive years in the Champions League. Only one club — Real Madrid — has done better. I can understand that is not enough. I am the first person to agree that it is not enough. We want more.
Wenger stays!
Posted: 16th, October 2015 | In: Arsenal, Reviews, Sports, Tabloids | Comment
