Tabloids Category
The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.
Credit Crunch: Too Fairy Cuts Costs And Death By Crunch
CREDIT Crunch news of the day:
“Tooth fairy gives less during credit crunch”
The credit crisis has claimed its latest victim – the tooth fairy – Daily Telegraph
The average amount left under a pillow for a tooth has dropped from £1.22 to 87p in the past six months, according to research. Says one fairy: “It’s the transport costs.”
“CREDIT CRUNCH IS KILLING US”
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Posted: 8th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Money, Tabloids | Comments (11)
Sarah Palin Takes On The ‘Moose Of The British Left’
SARAH Palin Watch: Anorak’s look at Sarah Palin in the news…
NEW YORK TIMES: “Fusing Politics and Motherhood in New Way”
Since that day, Trig Paxson Van Palin, still only 143 days old, has had an unexpected effect on his mother’s political fortunes.
Still 143 days old? They say he will never grow old, lest the virgin Alaskan ice be covered in oil…
DAILY MAIL: “Contempt, apathy and lies – why Britain is crying out for our own ‘pitbull with lipstick’”
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Posted: 8th, September 2008 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (8)
Dear Ann Widdecombe, I Fancy You…
SAYS the Mail: “If you want someone to fancy you, tell them you fancy them.”
Dear Ann Widdecombe,
It has been brought to my attention that…
Fingers crossed…
Posted: 8th, September 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (10)
Satan Bug: The Large Hadron Collider
THE Large Hadron Collider – this year’s Satan Bug.This year’s Millennium Bug…
“2 DAYS TO GO: If atom smasher doesn’t destroy world, it’ll transform it” – Sun
“END OF THE WORLD OR MANKIND’S SAVIOUR?” asks the Express.
We’ll let you know, if Thursday comes…
Posted: 8th, September 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (6)
Food And Fat: The Death Of Billy Bunter
HOW fat are we? The Sun knows.
We are now so fat that a schoolgirl has had to be cut free from her skirt.
And a boy has had have a 58-inch blazer specially made.
The talk is of “Billy Bunter”-sized clothes. Indeed, dear reader, in such a time of fat children, can we not have a new point of reference?
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Posted: 8th, September 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (5)
Benefit TV: Jeremy Kyle Gets Britain Working
IT’S Jeremy Kyle Gets Britain Working. In between adverts for women slipping on floors, men falling off ladders and Carol Vorderman selling cheap debt, Kyle will be abusing those on benefits.
This may indeed be the break back into daytime telly Voderman’s been waiting for as she uses her tight skirt (surely massive brain? –Ed) to work out how much the layabout on stage has cost Britain‘s hard working people.
You know, the grafters, like the ones spending their day sat in a TV studio baying for blood.
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Posted: 8th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (9)
Tabloid Question: The Daily Mirror’s Rain
TABLOID Questions: Every day the tabloid press asks its readers questions…
Today the Daily Mirror uses its front page to ask its readers:
“WILL IT EVER STOP RAINING?”
Phone 0800NOAH for ‘No’ and 0800OH-NOAH for ‘Yes…’
Jade Goody Takes Crackling
SURELY a misprint on the Sun’s front page: “JADE TOOK CRACK.” Might the front-page headline read: “JADE TOOK CRACKLING?”
But no.
The story is that porcine Jade has “sensationally confessed to taking crack cocaine”. The still bigger shock is that she didn’t enjoy it. Oh no. she did it to “shock her mum out of her own addiction to the deadly drug”.
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Posted: 8th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Gordon Brown Gives An Eye For his Country
WHY should we back Gordon Brown?
Because he lost an eye when he was younger and a baby when he was older.
He was also frustrated in his career by a man who reneged on a deal for a job and has holidayed in Suffolk.
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Posted: 8th, September 2008 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (6)
Madeleine McCann: Buried On The Beach And The Our Maddie Metaphor
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann
DAILY MIRROR: “New slur on Madeline McCann’s father Gerry by shamed cop”
A new slur by Goncarlo Amaral? Remember that quoting his book could see the McCann’s lawyers called in. Can the Mirror repeat the slur and still look oh-so caring?
Shamed Portuguese detective Goncalo Amaral stooped to a new low last night – disgracefully claiming Gerry McCann buried daughter Madeleine on a beach the night she went missing.
Disgraceful. The scum. What did he say, just for interest’s sake..?
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Posted: 8th, September 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (462)
Princess Diana: Death Car For Sale
PRINCESS Diana is back. Not that she ever went away.
Today Sunday Telegraph readers can play a free DVD called: “The Queen – A Life in Film: The Diana Years.”
Scene 1: Look on as Her Majesty sits in her Fiat Uno and revs her engine in a rare show of guts and drive as Diana crosses the Palace courtyard with supreme elegance, refined poise and a cheeky smile.
And that is not all. The Mail has more sensation: “French owner of the Diana death crash car wants it back… to sell to Fayed.”
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Posted: 7th, September 2008 | In: Photojournalism, Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (12)
Celebrities For Renewable Energy: Harvesting Kerry Katona’s Fat
KERRY Katona is recovering after going under the knife to “shrink her 34GG bust to a DD and suck out TWO LITRES of fat from her tum, bum and thighs”, reports the NOTW.
The fat will be deep frozen and sold by the cube at branches of Iceland throughout the country.
And don’t worry of you miss out because the celebrity is already hard at it replenishing her fat reserves for anther harvest.
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Posted: 7th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Mail Readers Respond To Ivan Lewis’s Apology
IVAN Lewis is the 41-year-old Health Minister apologising for sending loads of text messages to 24-year-old Susie Mason, an assistant who worked in his private office in Whitehall.
Yeah, that Ivan Lewis, the one who teaches us to hate ourselves.
The Mail illustrates the images with shot of Ms Mason dressed in jeans and cut-away top. The image is removed from her Facebook profile – Facebook: the sensation-seeking hack’s first port of call.
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Posted: 7th, September 2008 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Sarah Palin: Faking Sex Appeal, Hockey Glasses And Crude In Alaska
SARAH Palin Watch: Anorak’s look at Sarah Palin in the news…
DAILY MAIL: “Anger at fake Sarah Palin photos as smear campaign makes her ‘look like a stripper’”
Sarah Palin’s credibility as a possible American Vice-President is being undermined by a series of spoof photographs circulated on the internet.
So says the Mail, whioch in the interests of good reporting, reports the news of the fake photos and – get this – the fake photos…on the, er, internet.
Say what you like about Alaska – but you don’t have to dig far to hit the crude stuff…
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Posted: 7th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Photojournalism, Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (6)
Madeleine McCann: UK Cops Get Their Man, Morocco And Anorak PI
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann
SUNDAY PEOPLE: “McCanns: UK cops would have found our Maddie”
The British cops always their man, or a man. It might not be the right man, but they always get a man – well, nearly always.
Madeleine McCann might have been found by now if she had vanished in Britain, her parents insist. Kate and Gerry said cops here have more experience of tracing kidnap victims than Portuguese police.
Here’s what “heart expert” Gerry said:
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Posted: 7th, September 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (543)
Madeleine McCann: Looking For 1 Million, Raonaid Murray And Amaral’s Book
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann
DAILY MIRROR (front page): “WE’VE SPENT £1M HUNTING FOR MADDIE.”
Kate and Gerry McCann Exclusive: We’ve spent £1m hunting Maddy – EXCLUSIVE McCanns vow to keep searching
THE SUN: “McCanns spend £1m on Maddie search” – Not exclusive.
THE MIRROR: “The couple have shielded the twins from what few facts are known about Madeleine’s disappearance in May last year.”
A few facts? There is only one fact: a child disappeared.
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Posted: 6th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (253)
The Mirror And The Cocaine Caper: Moyes Attending
IF you have a celebrity cocaine story, call the Daily’s Mirror’s news desk and Stephen Moyes will respond in faster than a speeding popstar.
There’s the phone now. The man on the blower says he’s got a scoop on a celeb smoking crack cocaine.
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Posted: 5th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Three Fans React With Fury As Kevin Keegan Resigns
THREE days ago Anorak told you: “Kevin Keegan Sacked As Newcastle United Manager”
No chance, said the papers. King Kev was on his throne. He was lovin it, just lovin’ it at Newcastle.
Now three days on the media rushes to show the world that King Kev has abdicated and that the lachrymose Geordie fans are a-weepin’ and a-wailin’ more than usual.
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Posted: 5th, September 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (4)
Amy Winehouse Does The Credit Crunch: Heroin Better Than Whiskey
AMY Winehouse is beating the credit Crunch by buying 48 bottles of Jack Daniels whiskey.
The Sun says organisers of the Bestival were “Stunned” that Amy ordered two cases of the beverage.
Bestival is, we learn, staged on the Isle of White, and the fear is surely that with oil prices surging, the ferry company or airline transporting Winehouse will go bust and Amy will be trapped forever on the rock.
The Sun solicits “a source” to say: “Whiskey is better than heroin – but not 48 bottles of the stuff.”
Indeed, Old Mr Anorak assures us that heroin beats whiskey hands down. Given the option of 48 bottles of imported booze or a bag of good quality British smack, Sun readers can now make more informed choice.
Posted: 5th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money, Tabloids | Comments (4)
Big Brother: Dale Dates Chantelle Houghton And Wales Declares War On Rex
BIG BROTHER ends tonight, and the Daily Star, heat, OK! and Closer magazines look forward to some new fodder to stick atop the EU Celebrity mountain.
First up, we learn that “REX OUT TO DEATH THREATS”.
The Star says Rex is “public Enemy Number One In Wales.”
Whereas the rest of the UK fears Osama bin Laden, Noel Edmonds and the Hadron Collider, Wales concerns itself with a sarcastic chef.
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Posted: 5th, September 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (3)
Sarah Palin Watch: Paul Routledge Pervs, Jon Gaunt’s Wimmin And Fergus Shanahan Gets Princess Anne
SARAH Palin Watch: Anorak’s look at Sarah Palin in the news…
What the tabloid columnists are saying about Sarah Palin
FERGUS SHANAHAN (The Sun): “Why, why, why can’t WE have Sarah Palin.”
Palin wants to be vice president. The UK is not a Republic. But if you want a revolution, you might get a Palin. Instead, you’ll have to make do with huntin’, shootin’, fur wearin’, sportin’ right-wing Princess Anne…
JON GAUNT: “Yanks should give thanks for Sarah”
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Posted: 5th, September 2008 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (5)
Madeleine McCann: When The Sniffer Dogs Barked And Casey Anthony
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann
THE SUN (front page): “BARKING – The moment Maddie cops say dog made McCanns ‘suspects’
No, not the tabloid dog pack. There’s a picture of a spaniel crawling on a sofa. To its rear is a man. There is a pair of blue drapes, open.
And another picture of a dog, which may be same dog. The caption:
Howl … pooch alerts handler to ‘evidence’ found in the parents’ rented motor
Pages 4 and 5: “HOUNDING OF THE McCANNS”
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Posted: 5th, September 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (691)
Daily Wail: We All Die Next Wednesday
DAILY WAIL: The Daily Mail searches horro stories, medical reports and research notes for news, and finally its quest bears dividends:
“Are we all going to die next Wednesday?”
It’s the Large Hadron Collider…
Posted: 4th, September 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (19)
Giving An Arm And A Leg For Shipwrecked
SHIPWRECKED is the show whereon teenagers are cast away on two islands in the Pacific Ocean and before films crews show that wherever Brits are they like to get drunk and bitch (shagging is all off camera).
The new series is auditioning, and the Sun’s puff piece says producers are keen to feature an amputee.
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Posted: 4th, September 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment (1)
Lily Allen News Of The Day: Lily’s GQ A Dress
Lily ALLEN is at the GQ magazine Men Of The Year Awards:
“Co-host Lily struggled with her glamorous gown as she arrived to present the GQ Men ot the Year Awards”
– Daily Star
LILY Allen News Of The Day. More tomorrow…
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Posted: 4th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
