Tabloids Category
The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.
Council Bans The Man In The Street, Mr, Mrs And Laydees
A DIRECTIVE to members and staff of Chichester District Council, West Sussex, instructs them to resist and desist form using the phrase “the man in the street”.
The phrase is deemed “inherently sexist, not a fair reflection of reality, and makes the views or work of women invisible”. Quite so. Staff are instructed to use “a positive alternative” such as “the general public”.
Anorak imagines that the phrase rankles with the missive’s writer, and like all pet hates it is irrational.
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Posted: 27th, August 2008 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (6)
Lily Allen News Of The Day: Knit Wit
LILY Allen News Of The Day…
A KNITTING group which has lent a helping hand to charities across the world is celebrating its first anniversary. Longford-based group Helping Hands Knitters has been going for just one year – but it’s been a busy one. Members have also raised money for Age Concern by knitting miniature woollen hats for smoothie bottles – even created life-size versions of pop stars Lily Allen, Amy Winehouse and Beth Ditto – Wales Online
More Lily Allen news tomorrow…
Posted: 27th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Tabloids Differ Over Rebecca Adlington’s Right To Choos
THE Mirror spots Rebecca Adlington, the country’s Olympic heroine and woman most likely to be the new Sharron Davis.
She’s holding a pair of Jimmy Choos shoes, as fashioned by London’s leading Malaysian cobbler.
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Posted: 27th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Rednecks Under The Bed: Barack Obama’s Not Shot Yet
IT’S The Barack Obama Death Cult. It’s the fear that grips us all…
THE plot to kill Barack Obama – the Barack Obama Death Cult – sees three more persons held by police.
At least that’s what the Sun says on its front page. It’s the “plot to kill Obama,” says the Express on its cover.
There were four people, which means either one is on the loose, or else has been adopted by Russian agents/ the Far Right/ the CIA/ the Mafia/ The Taliban/ Hillary Clinton/ Joe Biden fans to kill Obama at a later date.
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Posted: 27th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (3)
There Is No Escaping Gary Glitter
IS that you, Gary Glitter? Where then the grey monkey beard, pony tail and bandana?
Is that you, Gary Glitter dressed in smart blue cardigan and cream panama hat?
Gary Glitter is upon us. Gary Glitter is here. They say he can change his look. They say he can appear as he wants to.
As the Sun screams from its front page:
“YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU’ CAN’T HIDE.”
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Posted: 27th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Madeleine McCann: Rose Ron, Murder And Portugal’s Bermuda Triangle For Missing Kids
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann
SKY NEWS: “Tragic Case Of Israel’s Madeleine”
One day on from the news of Israel’s “our Maddie”, Sky news leads with “Israel’s our Maddie”. As Anorak readers know Israel’s our Maddie is called Rose Ron. Sky News – First for breaking news…
Rose Ron is missing. Rose Ron was missing:
No-one seemed to really notice until her grandfather walked into a Tel Aviv police station two weeks ago and confessed to her murder.
No-one? Subtext: Sky News didn’t notice.
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Posted: 27th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (272)
Big Brother: The Hardest Working Breasts In Showbiz
BIG Brother 9 Watch: Anorak’s looks at Big Brother news in the media…
BIG Brother news and news that “NICOLE: BOOBS WILL MAKE ME £MILLION”.
Nicole Cammack’s boobs have some way to be the hardest working breasts in showbusiness, that title being shared by Jordans, but they are not without drive and ambition.
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Posted: 26th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (3)
London 2012: Toddler Shoots Baby Brother
So says the Sun on its over page. We are ashamed and appalled.
Do you people learn nothing? Are we so pig ignorant? You need to be aged 18 to enter the Olympic pistol shooting contests, and with the London Games in four years time, all five-year-olds should lay down their arms.
Better they take up gymnastics, or a knife like all the other kidz.
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Posted: 26th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment
Three And Four Barack Obama Death Cult Members Arrested In Denver
IT’S The Barack Obama Death Cult. Arrests made in Denver.
MICHELLE Obama is telling Times readers about “our all-American story”. And Sky news screams: “Obama ‘Assassination arrests.”
What’s more American than a dead President?
To the Democrat Party’s convention in Denver, and local police have confirmed three men are being held in connection with drugs and weapons offences.
They were going to kill Obama, right? They are a cell of the Obama Death Cult and they were intending to do their worst, right?
Over in the Sun, Sky’s sister organ, the news is a little less certain:
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Posted: 26th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (3)
France Pays Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt To Live In La Belle Epoch
BY now you’ll be wondering what ever happened to Angelina Jolie and Brad Piit.
What are they up to? How are their kids? Well, Anorak has tracked the reclusive and humble couple down to France, and news is that they have struck gold.
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Posted: 25th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money, Tabloids | Comments (12)
Big Brother: Gazza, Nicole And Rex
BIG Brother 9 Watch: Anorak’s looks at Big Brother news in the media…
IT’S “Big Brother Nicole”. She wants to tell us about: “COCAINE, GAZZA AND ME.”
Given the PR dive to make whiny Nicole appear interesting, Cocaine, Gazza and Me may well turn out to be the names of three Yorkshire terriers she once encountered on Hamstead Heath.
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Posted: 25th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
Los Angeles Residents Welcome You To London 2012 Olympics
DAVID Beckham and Leona Lewis welcome you to the London Olympics, says the Star.
Becks lives in Los Angeles, so does Leona. But what the hell, they were born in London and that will do.
The Times leads with pictures of Londoners who live in London, and a load of tourists, celebrating the arrival of the fearsomely expensive sporting event in four years time They are waving flags beating the Olympics logo – that picture of Lisa Simpson felating on an unknown IOC member.
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Posted: 25th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Celebrities, Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Knife Crime: Police Seize Intergalactic Klingon Blade
GASP in horror as a copper holds aloft a “horrifying five-foot weapon” recovered by police during a knife amnesty.
The Mail explains:
A spokesman for police in Gloucester, where it was surrendered, said: “It is a particularly nasty weapon that can, literally, take someone’s head off. We are very glad it is off the streets and we want more weapons handed in.”
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Posted: 24th, August 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (8)
Fun With Fat People: Weight To Be Seated In Leeds Eatery
FAT people are all sooo funny, jolly even.
Hotel chiefs were rapped yesterday for planning to weigh children – and charge fat ones more for Sunday lunch.
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Posted: 24th, August 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (9)
Olympics Under a European Flag: Team GB Takes Beijing
“EUROPE bids to hijack our medal.”
The Sunday Express brings news to shock and to cheer.
Finally, after so long we can win the rhythmic gymnastics, the shot putt and the Molesworthian walking races. Says the Express:
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Posted: 24th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (20)
Sarkozy And Bruni: The Pitter Patter Of Tiny Feet
NICOLA Sarkozy is on the beach. He is with his wife, the leggy Carla Bruni:
Asks the Mail: “Is there a petit Sarkozy on the way for Carla Bruni?”
Another one..?
Posted: 24th, August 2008 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (6)
Rebecca Adlington: UK Olympians Puts Manners Before Medals
REBECCA Adlington is in conversation with the Mail. Who she? She’s young (a teenager), blonde and dressed in a swimsuit.
No, this is the Mail, not some down market redtop that encourages its readers to perv at the strumpets. Ms Adlington, of the Beijing Adlingtons, is a swimmer and she’s here to “RESTORE YOUR FAITH IN BRITAIN”.
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Posted: 24th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (4)
Beat The Credit Crunch With Laughing Gas
“WE’LL pay your gas bill for a year,” says the Express
The pledge is illustrated by a picture of a middle-aged woman beaming. Is the gas in questions nitrous oxide?
If it is, we say bring it on.
A flick of the gas taps and a good laugh will warm us up a treat. It’s the Blitz spirit…
Posted: 24th, August 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Madeleine McCann: Angelia Jolie’s Changeling, Oakely International And Belgian Paedos
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann
MAIL On SUNDAY: “McCANNS’ FUND IN £500,000 CHAOS.”
A team of private investigators working behind the scenes to find Madeleine McCann has been axed after being paid £500,000 from publicly donated funds.
Metodo 3?
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Posted: 24th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (143)
Jade Goody: My Cancer, Lorraine Kelly And The Sun’s Campaign
IT’S Jade Goody ‘The Hoody’.
She’s on the Sun’s cover. Her face is mess of tears. Says the headline: “DOCTORS SAID I’D BE DEAD IN 3 MONTHS.”
Some people can be so unforgiving, especially doctors. Granted, at the apogee of her notoriety, death threats against the Goody person were common but now she has cancer, can we lay off her?
Sun columnist Lorraine Kelly wonders: “When did a cancer diagnosis become fit for TV viewing?”
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Posted: 23rd, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (37)
After the Olympics The TV Titles
“OLYMPIC DAMES,” announces the Mirror’s front page. Britain’s New Olympians are top be given titles.
“GIVE OUR HEOES A GONG,” says the Mail on its cover. Anorak senses a campaign, and one the Mail has every chance of winning (see Mirror).
Titles for one and all. And to go with the medals and ribbons, a valuable spot in the TV titles.
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Posted: 23rd, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (5)
Madeleine McCann: Finger Printing Kids And Gary Glitter
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann
FORT MORGAN TIMES: “FM State Bank offers info service for parents in case child missing”
Fort Morgan State Bank wants local parents to be ready with the information they need in the event of their worst nightmare: a missing child.
Every parents worst nightmare…
The bank has purchased equipment to photograph and fingerprint children and provide a printout that also includes physical descriptions and other vital information on the kids.
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Posted: 23rd, August 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (187)
Gary Glitter Walks The Land
GARY GLITTER’S coming. Gary Glitter’s gonna get you.
“WARNING,” screams the Mirror from its front page, words writ in large red letter. “This vile man lands back in Britain today.”
They say he wear huge platform heels that mean he can peer in upstairs windows with no need to jump.
Shut the windows. Lock the doors. If cornered, call him “leader”, he likes it.
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Posted: 22nd, August 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (22)
Mel C’s Pregnant Parenting Tips
MEL C: “I’m PREGNANT.”
It’s former sensible-shoe-wearing Spice Girl Melanie Chisholm, the shouty one with the poor volume control on the cover of the Daily Mirror. She’s with child. Her own.
Says a source:
“The girls are so pleased for her and have said they’re only a phone call away to pass on any parenting tips.”
And if they don’t answer the phone, she can leave a message with the nanny…
Posted: 22nd, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)
Madeleine McCann: Mark Harrison Investigates
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann
THE RESIDENT (Portugal): “MADELEINE: Police should search for body said British expert”
A SUMMARY by police in February 2008 reveals, for the first time, that there were only two possible causes, in their opinion, that could account for the disappearance of Madeleine McCann.
Alien abduction is one and – well, Gary Glitter was in jail at the time – so we’d go for eaten by sharks.
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Posted: 22nd, August 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (375)
