Pensioners And Under Youth In UK Breeding Programme

GIVEN the level of paedo panic and Gary Glitter’s return, the Telegraph’s front-page picture of an older adult hand holding that of a child sends a shiver of revulsion in reader’s spine.

We examine the bigger hand for signs of stardust, Glitter, if you will, and wonder if anyone out there can identify the claw?

New is that, according to the Office for National Statistics, pensioners now outnumber under 16s.

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Money, Tabloids | Comment

Lily Allen News Of The Day: Role Models

LILY Allen News of The Day: The Role Model

LILY Allen was out on the lash the other night and ended up in a scrap in the street. Pictures of Lily attempting to punch a girl, while still holding a cigarette I might add, appeared on the same day as a report showing the effect of booze on young women… Women need role models at home and in public. Before we start blaming Lilly and the like for the sins of our daughters, we should start looking closer to home – Melanie Harvey, Daily Record 

More Lily Allen news tomorrow…

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment

Prison Files Lost: Gary Glitter Identifies Villains

“THOUSANDS of criminal files lost in data fiasco,” announces the Times.

Old Mr Anorak smiles and mutters something about it all being a terrific misunderstanding anyhow, and that he can now return to Wales.

The Mail puts it in more chilling terms: “DANGER CRIMINAL FILES GO MISSING.”

Those front-page words dice with a picture of Gary Glitter for our attention. Not all villains are now invisible. We have Glitter, and will watch him like a hawk at a nudists’ colony.

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)

Big Brother’s Stephanie McMichael Steals Fame

BIG Brother 9 Watch: Anorak’s looks at Big Brother news in the media…

“BIG BRUV STEPH IS ATTACKED IN STREET.”

Grim news on the Star’s front page is that “sexy” Stephanie McMichael has been the victim of muggers following a night out in London’s venue of strumpets, Chinawhite.

And no surprise whatsoever to learn that the felons stole her mobile phone. You know, the one with the names of all her celebrity chums on.

“Now the babe fears for the security of her celeb friends as their contact details are stored on her phone.”

How the likes of Keith Harris, Chico and DanLy – “the world’s third best Kylie and Danni Minogue impersonator” – must be hoping that their phones will ring.

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (3)

John Prescott On Jodie Marsh On Class

THAT’S John Prescott licking the face of the Jodie Marsh biscuit on the Express’s cover.

Says the headline: “Don’t fret Pauline! I’m just discussing class with this young lady.”

She’s Jodie Marsh, the strumpet who once invited music television viewers to take her “up the aisle”. It’s “2 Jags Meets 2 Jugs,” observes the Sun, and readers are left to wonder which of Prescott or Marsh has the larger bust and the bigger “parking space”.

Anorak

Posted: 21st, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (5)

Everybody Hates Big Brother’s Nicole

BIG Brother 9 Watch: Anorak’s looks at Big Brother news in the media…

BIG Brother’s Nicole is the “MOST HATEED HOUSEMATE EVER”.

So says the Star which is specialist is matter of hating Big Brother housemates.

Anorak

Posted: 21st, August 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (16)

Gordon Brown’s Olympic Vision

EVEYONE wins at the Olympics. Reports the Mirror:

Gordon Brown said yesterday Britain’s Olympic heroes had inspired him to fight on and win the next election.

(Picture: Beau Bo D’Or Wesbite)

Is Gordon using his personal trainer to get him fit enough to do away with voting and make it to straight foot race between he and Cameron?

Anorak

Posted: 21st, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (5)

Olympic Balls: Guns And Knives For Bikes

HEY, kidz. Do as the Mirror says: “Dump those guns and knives and get on your bike.”

And the Mirror is talking to you kidz, and not to the Russian forces in Georgia, the Americans in Iraq or the jihadis in your broom cupboard.

Anorak

Posted: 21st, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment

Tabloid Bingo At The Madrid Plane Crash

A PLAN has crashed in Madrid. Grim news. Horrific.

So what better time for a game of Tabloid Bingo!?

Eyes down for the front-page numbers of dead:

Anorak

Posted: 21st, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Tabloids | Comment (1)

Gary Glitter’s Gonna Get You

GARY Glitter is gonna get you. He’s gonna get you in Vietnam. He’s gonna get you in Thailand. He’s gonna get you in Hong Kong.

And when he comes back to the UK, he’s gonna get you here, too.

Anorak

Posted: 21st, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)

Madeleine McCann In Malaysia

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

NEW STRAITS TIMES: “Keep the candle lit”

Spotting our Maddy in Malaysia?

A YEAR after the abduction and murder of Nurin Jazlin Jazimin, we must take pause to observe this sad anniversary in all sympathy for her bereaved family — as indeed for that of Sharlinie Nashar, lost in similar circumstances eight months ago and not yet found.

Other children go missing.

Read the rest of this entry »

Anorak

Posted: 21st, August 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (446)

Amy Winehouse: Computer Game And Countdown To Escape From Rehab

AMY Winehouse? Yes, she is alive. And d0ing what’s does best: making news.

DAILY MIRROR: “Sadie Frost worse for wear after evening with Amy Winehouse”

Arriving at Amy’s Camden pad at around midnight, the 43-year-old mother-of-four was all perky and smiley, holding hands with on-off toy-boy lover Kristian Marr.

What happened?

We can only begin to imagine what happened behind closed doors…

Anorak

Posted: 20th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment

Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Jade Goody’s Cancer Agent

JADE Goody The Hoody has a form of cancer. She is told the news on the telly. “What’s wrong?” ask her housemates on India’s Big Brother. Says Jade, as recorded by the Sun:

“I can not tell you because my agent needs to tell my family. I need my family to know first.”

It’s a paradox wrapped in a kebab…

Anorak

Posted: 20th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (28)

Robinho’s Dream: To Win The Cash With Chelsea

ROBINHO, one of the myriad Brazilian attacking footballers whose names being in a “R”, has been the object of transfer speculation between Real Madrid (ten times winners of the European Cup) and Chelsea (identity under offer).

And the Sun headline: “Madrid have killed the dream.”

That’s right. Robinho’s dream was to play for Chelsea. Really.

Anorak

Posted: 20th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (3)

Steph Fakes It For Big Brother’s Rex And Nicole

“BIG BROTHER REX AND NICOLE ARE FAKE,” says the Star.

Fake is just about the worst insult a reality TV agonist can have leveled at them.

Anorak

Posted: 20th, August 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (3)

Threats To X-Factor Judges

DANNII Minogue has “fled an X Factor audition after being threatened by a reject’s entire family”.

If anyone should know how a family member’s success can affect the rest of her clan it is Kylie’s sister. So what happened?

The Mirror says the rejected wannabe and his family “lay in wait to corner the show judge”. And rearrange her rearranged features?

Anorak

Posted: 20th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment

Christine Ohuruogu’s Gold Is Britain’s Shame

CHRISTINE Ohurugo, Little Miss Scatterbrain who missed not one, not two, but three out-of-season drugs tests, is on the cover of the Mirror. She’s a gold medal winner at the Olympics. She’s one of the “Greatest EVER Brits”.

Inside the paper, Oliver Holt considers just how great she is:

Shame because Ohuruogu was only in Beijing in the first place because of the craven hypocrisy and pragmatism of the British Olympic Association.

You can’t have it both ways…

Anorak

Posted: 20th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment

Best And Worst Of British: Christine Ohuruogu And Gary Glitter

GARY Glitter is at the airport. He’s dressed as a chav, with baseball cap on head and checked scarf pulled up across his face in true precinct gangsta fashion.

He’s the Mirror’s “CLUB CLASS PAEDO”.

Glitter, says the Mail on its front page, is the “WORST OF BRITISH”. Alongside Glitter is the “BEST OF BRITISH”, the Olympic gold medal athlete Christine Ohuruogu. She’s wearing the uniform of the New Britons.

Anorak

Posted: 20th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (7)

Madeleine McCann: A New eFit, Selling Books And A Rapist’s Cover Story

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

DAILY MIRROR: “Madeleine McCann: Nanny’s new sketch echoes picture of kidnapper”

That’s the picture on the left. For wont of name, we’ll call him Cool.

Read the rest of this entry »

Anorak

Posted: 20th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (386)

Lily Allen News Of The Day: The Peek-A-Boo Fighter

LILY Allen news of the day:

Lily Allen threw a punch at a passer-by during a drinking session in London’s Soho early this morning. Witnesses suggested Lily reacted after being heckled as she left Ronnie Scott’s Jazz Club at 2am. With a short reach, the punch appeared to fail to connect.

Vitally: Lily was “dressed in a purple wrap dress and peep-toe high heels” – Daily Mail

More Lily Allen news tomorrow…

Anorak

Posted: 19th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)

Strange Fruit In Hexham: The Quietest Market In England

TO Hexham where the town’s traders are being ordered to tone it down.

Says the Mirror: “For 800 years, traders on the cobbled streets of Hexham have cried out about their wares to pull in passing trade.”

Why 800 years, we are not told. Hexham Abbey dates from 674AD, and in there may have been a lull in trade when William Wallace burnt the town in 1297.

Read the rest of this entry »

Anorak

Posted: 19th, August 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids | Comments (2)

Biggie Smalls Shot In The Head

THE dangers in naming your pet after a US rapper gunned down in his prime were always clear and present.
Biggie Smalls’ days were numbered.

And now the cat has been shot.

Anorak

Posted: 19th, August 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (3)

Jade Goody Victim Of Sick Indian Big Brother Stunt?

JADE Goody has cervical cancer. Or as the Economic Times of India puts it: “Jade Goody detected with cancer.”

If there was one area of Jady Goody’s life yet to be exposed it was her cervix. But now that gap in her CV has been plugged.

Anorak

Posted: 19th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (39)

Air Rage Attacks Up In Time For 2012 Games

“AIR RAGE ATTACKS BY BINGE BRITONS SOARING.”

Good to know that even topped up on duty free, the Mail’s headline writers can craft a decent pun.

Of course the pun isn’t the only element that makes this story newsworthy. Really, it is not.

Anorak

Posted: 19th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (11)

Madeleine McCann: Glamour Models, Grabbing Little Boys And Genette Tate

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

DAILY MIRROR: “Britons try to snatch Madeleine lookalike”

They tried to snatch her because she looked like our Maddy? The reward is still on offer, right?

Two British tourists tried to take a small fair-haired child from a beach, thinking it was Madeleine McCann, it emerged yesterday.

Protecting the little kiddies from nutters and oddballs…

Convinced it was the girl who disappeared in Portugal last year, they kept a careful eye on the pair and even took some secret photos.

Taking pictures of kids on the beach. Yes, a good idea…

Read the rest of this entry »

Anorak

Posted: 19th, August 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (500)