Tabloids Category
The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.
Letizia Filippi’s Return Flight Of Fancy
CRISTIANO Ronaldo has transferred to Letizia Filippi. But for reasons inexplicable she has yet to go topless on a beach.
With no sign of Ms Filippi’s chest, the Sun is stuck on how best to feature her and so file its daily Ronaldo exclusive.
Normally the paper would stick in a photo of Nereida Gallardo, the footballer’s former topless stunna. But instead it opts to feature Filippi saying how she would like to get on a private jet with her man and “do it”.
Just what she told Star readers on July 24th… It’s another Ronaldo sensation!
Posted: 12th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Blake Aldridge’s Olympic Challenge
BLAKE Aldridge. Do you know who he is? Have a guess. Is he:
a) The Banker on Deal Or No Deal?
b) John Edwards’ love child?
c) A British Olympic athlete?
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Posted: 12th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (18)
Madeleine McCann: When Portugal Attacks
IT had to happen. After months of rubbishing the Portuguese, the Star reports that an armada of “bungling”, perverted “sardine munchers” are “preparing for an attack on British shores”.
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Posted: 12th, August 2008 | In: Strange But True, Tabloids | Comments (54)
Sienna Miller Is Laughing And Playing With Her Hair
“OH SIENNA,” exclaims the Mirror on its front page. “WHAT is she up to now?”
Readers see a picture of jobbing girlfriend Sienna Miller, for it is she, laughing and playing with her hair.
Sienna is unhappy with all the attention and walks over to the watching paparazzi to tell them as much, thus giving them a close up of her smiling and playing with her hair.
Anorak has been observing Sienna’s career to date. And, at an educated guess, we shall venture to answer the Mirror’s front-page poser.
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Posted: 12th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (6)
Madeleine McCann: Bet On Maddie, Belgium Or Bust And More Jokes
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann
THE SUN: “I’d bet all that I own it was her”
THE bank security guard who saw a child like Madeleine McCann insisted yesterday: “I would bet everything I own that it was her.”
The spotter in Brussels…. Is betting in the bank allowed? Is this a sign of the credit crunch? A bet’s a bet. How much you got?
The Belgian capital is tipped to rival Amsterdam as the sex capital of Europe.
Tipped by whom, the Sun’s man in the know?
“I sold an ice cream to ‘Maddie’”
It’s a claim to fame…
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Posted: 12th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (115)
Credit Crunch: The Sunday Joint
CREDIT Crunch Watch: Anorak’s look at credit crunch in the news:
“ROAST CRUNCH: Price of Sunday lunch soars 25% – Families are shunning their meat and veg as costs hit an all time high” – The Sun
“Three couples save £30,000 with a crunch-busting triple wedding.” Three couples spend £20,000 on big joint wedding to, er, save money – Daily Mirror
“Boaters shun the rat race – Hard-pressed Britons are taking to the canal to beat the credit crunch… There are now more then 31,500 licensed boats, more than at the height of the Industrial Revolution” – Daily Express
Posted: 11th, August 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Madeleine McCann: With Columnist Peter McKay
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann
THE COLUMNISTS
PETER McKAY (Mail):
MOST sightings of missing Madeleine McCann seem to involve Belgium and a paedophile ‘ring’ which might have kidnapped the child ‘to order’. Belgian police received more than 100 sightings, 30 of which required checking.
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Posted: 11th, August 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (637)
Lily Allen Thought Of The Day: Gordon Smart Knows
LILY Allen News Of The Day:
Lily Allen will not be releasing a new album – Gordon Smart, The Sun
More Lily Allen news tomorrow…
Posted: 11th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Speaking For Big Brother’s Dale And Jen
THE big news is that Big Brother’s Jen and Dale “speak only to the Daily Star”.
Of course, Jen and Dale have no need of speaking to each other, because they are too busy having sex. Star readers can learn of: “We were up until dawn; Sexy breakfast in bed; Secret of BB shower romp.”
The rest of the world will need diagrams, CCTV footage and a cut-out-and-paste picture of Jen holding her bosoms and shots of Dale with his mouth agape…
Posted: 11th, August 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment (1)
Daily Mirror And Arsenal Support Gun Crime
GOOD news indeed that Arsenal football club have joined the Mirror’s anti-knife campaign.
The paper features pictures of Arsenal footballers Theo Walcott, William Gallas and Cesc Fabregas in anti-knife crime T-shirts.
The Mirror is against glamorising violence and last months brought news of how weaponry had been appearing on a T-shirt on open sale in London’s Oxford Street.
The paper was appalled and the offending items were removed from public view at the Selfridge’s department store.
For readers not au fait with Arsenal FC, they are nicknamed “The Gunners” and were founded by workers at armaments manufacturer in London.
That’s their club crest on the left – the one with the cannon symbol. It should be banned…
Posted: 11th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (5)
Richard Littlejohn Explains The Daily Wail
RICHARD Littlejohn on Modern Britain:
And if you need to be reminded of the awfulness of modern Britain as you relax in a sun-drenched foreign resort, there’s always the Daily Mail, printed around the globe, available from your friendly beach-side newsagent and online.
Such are the facts.
Posted: 11th, August 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (2)
The Royal Tattoo: Prince William Gets Ink
PRINCE William wants a tattoo.
A sailor aboard the Iron Duke, on which Wills is appearing momentarily in his guise as a sailor, says so:
“He said the only thing stopping him was his girlfriend. He was worried she would think it was a bit too chavy.”
Better if Wills goes for biro and keep Kate Middle-Class onside, and adapt the tat to fit in with his next jobs of:
Premier League footballer (tattoo of wad of cash), astronaut (mooning backside), security guard (feet on desk), postman (opened envelope), traffic warden (666), King (“NAN”) and many, many more
Posted: 11th, August 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Madeleine McCann: Bank On Brussels, Dossier Facts And Metodo 3 Investigate
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann
DAILY EXPRESS (front page): “MADELEINE: “’I heard her beg to go home’”
CCTV images of the blonde blue-eyed youngster, seen just seven days ago at a Brussels bank, are now being studied. Last night Belgian police said the case had been given top priority and was being passed to a magistrate who would launch a full inquiry.
That’s right – the Express has reverted to calling the missing child Madeleine. It flirted with Maddie, but Madeleine it is, and ever will be…
The little girl, who looked “much like” Madeleine, was spotted by a security guard at the Havenlaan branch of the KBC Bank in the district of Molenbeek St Jean.
It’s Madeleine. It has to be:
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Posted: 11th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (116)
Madeleine McCann: With Columnists Carole Malone And Barbara Ellen
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann
THE COLUMNISTS
It’s the Big Brother reject and toothsome talker:
“The truth won’t mend the pain”
I SOMETIMES wonder if The Truth is all it’s cracked up to be. I wonder if there are times when NOT knowing is better than knowing.
Well, as Donald Rumsfeld once said, from whom Malone seems to be quoting…
Because now we think we know Madeleine McCann didn’t die, as police suspected, in her holiday apartment. Neither was she taken by an opportunist killer. Nor did she wander off into the sea.
Sure of that? Yeah, Sure of it. Positive. Sure of it? Facts are facts. Right? Facts…
However, what we now think may have happened is worse than all of those scenarios because it looks certain this angel-faced little girl was snatched to order by a vile paedophile ring and delivered to people who hunt down pretty children to degrade. Maybe even kill.
And we know this because..? Well, someone said something…it got in an email to someone else…Carole read it or heard it and it became news… and fact…and we read about it… and we told someone… and they told Carole…who knows all about it…
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Posted: 10th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (258)
Lily Allen Quote Of The Day: Lily Boobs
LILY Allen news of the day
“I wore a loose-fitting T-shirt yesterday as it was very hot in London,” she says. “My boob fell out twice and people are saying it was a publicity stunt. If I wanted publicity, I’d be accepting invitations, not to mention money, for turning up to glamorous events” – Sunday Mirror
More Lily Allen news tomorrow…
Posted: 10th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Paul Gascoigne Leaves Shezza For Jizza
“IT’S ME OR HIM,” vows the Sunday Mirror’s front-page pledge.
“She’s distraught as he walks out to be with old pal Jimmy Five Bellies.”
Poor Sheryl Gascoigne, for it is she, and Paul Gascoigne, for it is he. What woman cannot sympathise with Shezza?
But are we not the least bit titillated, intrigued that Gazza has left his lover to spend quality time with the gut-busting Jimmy Gardner?
What future for Gazza and, dare it go unsaid, Jizza..?
Posted: 10th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (9)
Madeleine McCann: They Call Me Maddie, In Venezuela And African Bingo
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann
THE SUNDAY EXPRESS (front page): “IS THIS WHO TOOK MADDIE?”
A change in the quotidian Express story. No longer is Madeleine, “MADELEINE”. Madeleine McCann is now “MADDIE”. It’s the name the media, mostly, have dubbed her.
Maddie is what the missing child has taken to calling herself when she visits party shops in Amsterdam…
So who took her. The Express has a photfit.
NEWS OF THE WORLD (front page): “I spotted Maddie’s tell-tale eye”
This is the least savoury headline Anorak has read on the matter for some time…
“I WAS AFRAID TO GRAB HER – Witness was sure restaurant girl was Maddie but feared causing a scene”
A VITAL new witness in the hunt for Madeleine McCann has told cops: “I saw Maddie. I know it was her—I saw the unique blemish in her eye.”
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Posted: 10th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (39)
Madeleine McCann: With Columnists Lorraine Kelly And Deborah Orr
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann
THE COLUMNISTS
LORRAINE KELLY (The Sun): “Watch your kids for Maddie’s sake”
It’s cellar-busting, tabloid bingo stalwart Lorraine Kelly:
OF all the many cruelties inflicted on Madeleine McCann’s parents, the possibility that their little girl begged an Amsterdam shop assistant for help shortly after she went missing is surely the deepest cut of all.
Begged? But it was Madeleine, right? Or Maddie as she – and the press – now know her by.
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Posted: 9th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (169)
Amy Winehouse Is An Agony Aunt
AMY Winehouse is, as the Star reports, to dispense sage advice to Londoners when her father Mitch takes over Danny Baker’s show on BBC Radio London.
Given her apparent state of agony, she is, fittingly, to be the station’s agony aunt.
Danny Baker’s Treehouse is required listening at Anorak Towers, and we will tune in for Winehouse and Winehouse’s Out Of Her Treehouse with equal vigour.
What advice Winehouse will administer to Londoners is uncertain, but listen out for advice and tips on:
STYLE:
Teach your hair to heel, beg and play dead to keep its nose wet and shiny…
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Posted: 9th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Big Brother 9: Up Jen And Down Dale
AS the Ninth Rule Of Big Brother states:
Evicted housemates should seek out a former housemate and declare that they fancy them and have had sex all night long.
So to today’s compliant Star’s front page, where readers learn that newly evicted Dale (the one who can’t breathe with his mouth closed) and past evictee Jennifer are in “LUST”.
Inside and Dale is up for a “sex fest”. Or as Dale puts it:
“I was ready to go. I was missing my friends and family.”
Such is the lust…
Posted: 9th, August 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment (1)
Madeleine McCann: Greedy Newspapers Banking On Maddy In Brussels, And Naming Rights
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann…
DAILY EXPRESS (front page): “MADELEINE: I SAW HER ON MONDAY”
“Guard tells police she was in a Brussels bank”
Can Madeleine McCann be the new Patti Hearst? What of the theory that she was kidnapped by freedom fighters, the Symbionese Liberation Army, and is being trained in covert operations and crime?
A bank worker in Brussels reported seeing Madeleine accompanied by a woman of North African appearance on Monday morning.
To Belgium, one of the low countries.
THE SUN (front page): “MADDIE: SEEN FIVE SAYS AGO.”
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Posted: 9th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Money, Tabloids | Comments (69)
The Making Of A Tabloid Sensation: Sienna Miller
THE DAILY Mail continues to show weekly celebrity magazines that you CAN publish celebrity news every day.
Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty enjoyed a very public show of togetherness as they shopped in upmarket boutiques in the exclusive Los Angeles coastal suburb of Malibu this week.
Actress Sienna Miller’s latest romance has ended in tears
Sienna Miller is said to be ‘devastated’ after her married lover ran home to his wife and four children.
The Daily Mail – “Yesterday’s news tomorrow”
Posted: 8th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Police Log: Anthea Turner’s Driver And The Pig’s Head In A box
MARTIN Anderson is a former chauffeur to TV star Anthea Turner and her husband Grant Bovey, notes the Sun.
Is this relevant, mitigating, even?
Mr Anderson denies one charge of putting a person in fear of violence due to harassment, including scrawling “Fat C***” a dismembered pig’s head, placing it in a box, attaching ribbons and a helium balloon and despatching it to one Kim Teague days before her 50th birthday.
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Posted: 8th, August 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (3)
Lilly Allen News Of The Day: Nipping Out
LILY Allen news of the day
LILY ALLEN made a major boob when she popped out of her car – and her top – visiting ex-boyfriend ED SIMONS’ house in London – Sun
More Lily Allen news tomorrow…
Posted: 8th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Big Brother 9: Rex Newmark And Nicole No Mark
“BIG BROTHER REX GETS THE BOOT,” announces the Star on its foremost page.
“Sexy Steph spells end for randy chef.”
Steph rhymes with chef. And that’s good enough for the story to be front-page news. But there is more.
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Posted: 8th, August 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (2)
