Tabloids Category
The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.
Madeleine McCann: Paedophiles, Belgium And Anna Stam Is Famous
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann…
DAILY EXPRESS (front page): “MADELEINE: I SAW HER ON A TRAM.”
All aboard. Here’s some the hacks…
“New sighting is linked to paedophile network.”
Linked by “Scotland Yard”. That’s enough evidence for the Express.
The Sun has more:
An email from John Shord of Scotland Yard’s elite clubs and vice intelligence unit reveals that a ring of child abusers made an order for a young girl just THREE days before Maddie was snatched. Her photo was passed to the gang and the chilling deal concluded.
Grim stuff. But no link to Madeleine McCann.
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Posted: 8th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (406)
The Making Of A Tabloid Story: Sienna Miller Getty
SIENNA Miller. Discuss:
The actress has had liaisons with millionaire BALTHAZAR GETTY at the Chateau Marmont hotel — less than two miles from his pad in the Hollywood Hills – The Sun
Actress Sienna Miller’s latest romance has ended in tears. Three weeks after she was seen frolicking on an Italian beach with super-rich Balthazar Getty, he has dumped her to return to his wife Rosetta and their four children – Daily Mail
More to follow….
Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (12)
Madeleine McCann: Daily Mirror Flies Anna Stam To London
MADELEINE McCann: An Anorak reader sends news of tomorrow’s tabloid sensation, translated from the Dutch.
What good can come of Anna Stam – Maddie spotter; one of many – meeting with Kate McCann, a meeting arranged by a tabloid paper?
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Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (418)
Toe-Curling Romeo Beckham’s Shot For Stardom
DAVID BECKHAM’S five-year-old is kicking a football.
News enough, but there is more:
His shot had onlookers open-mouthed as it mirrored his dad’s 2001 goal against Greece which saved England’s World Cup qualifying campaign.
That’s him taking the kick in a pair of open-toe Louboutin shag-me shoes and celebrating his refulgent strike by contorting his face into a lap-dog grimace. But the Sun says Romeo is “just like his dad”, and that is what he should be.
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Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (6)
Daily Mail Brings Up Gail Porter’s Rear
WANT to know why former TV presenter Gail Porter is no longer on the telly?
In “Why I’m not on TV anymore – I’ve got no hair and I won’t wear a wig”, the Mail hears Porter say that she’s not on TV anymore because she has no hair and won’t wear a wig.
Porter, who readers learn has a history of self-harm, is bi-polar and was anorexic, is, however often in the Mail:
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Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Bubbly Ulrika Jonsson’s Body Is A Time-Share
ULRIKA Jonsson was once thin. Now she is full of character, loveable and if she continues to gain weight, bubbly.
Ulrika is writing about her weight in the Daily Mail and how much it doesn’t bother her. The piece is 2,034 words in total. That’s how much it doesn’t bother her.
I regard it as a marker of my achievement in carrying those children. Far from bothering about my chunky image, I have a rather philosophical approach. I see my body as a time-share. I am lending my body to the process of reproduction
Ulrika is a body donor.
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Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)
Lily Allen News Of The Day: Yawn
LILY Allen News Of the Day
LILY ALLEN should at least stifle her yawn when listening to her gramp’s old yarns – Sun
Lily Allen is walking with her grandfather. She is yawning. You know, yawning..?
More Lily Allen news tomorrow
Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Madeleine McCann: Spotting In Amsterdam, Kate McCann’s Letter And Walking Off Set
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann…
DAILY EXPRESS (front page): “MADELEINE: SHE COULD BE ALIVE”
Madeleine McCann has resumed her pitch on the Express’ front page. And the news is positive. But let’s not carried away on a wave of hope, Anorak has seen a peek at tomorrow’s front-page exclusive –“MADELEINE: SHE COULD BE DEAD”.
To Amsterdam, where one Anna Stam says “she is haunted by the face ‘of the angelic child with the big sad eyes’ who came into her shop near Amsterdam’s red light district.”
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Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (347)
The Most Violent Songs Ever
SINCE this morning, Anorak has been listening to gangsta rap music to see if we, like Sun writer Dotun Adebayo, would find in its lyrics a reason to stab someone in the face.
And the lyrics are truly shockingly awful, featuring the unforgettable “Wazzsaflucking pooyabba dfang dit kitoopa bo!” and the command to “mozzabookayikoyyyi!”
If we are going to be coerced into acts of random ultra violence, we would at least like to understand the lyrics.
In an effort to see if lyrics can corrupt, Anorak has sought out some disturbing songs.
Tonight in the small hours, Anorak’s small, creepy inner voice will be chanting the lyrics to the 1968 tune Young Girl by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap. Yeah daddy-o, it’s from the 1960s, those halcyon days when Adebayo said everyone was looking for love. What kind of love? Well, listen up:
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Posted: 6th, August 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (6)
Banging Tunes: Gangsta Rap Drives Tabloid Hack To Kill
DOTUN Adebayo tells Sun readers:
“After 12 hours of gangsta rap I could have knifed someone.”
The Sun hack goes native and helps to break the Broken Britain his paper writes of?
BACK in the Sixties Diana Ross and The Supremes asked: “Where did our love go?” Last Sunday I struggled to find it after subjecting myself to a diet of nothing but UK grime music for 12 hours solid. It was half a day of the most violent lyrics — written by black men about the pain they wanted to inflict on other black men. After listening to this hybrid of hip-hop and garage music, I wanted to kill someone.
Anyone in particular?
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Posted: 6th, August 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (14)
Ann Widdecombe Has A Pop At Sienna Miller
WRITES Ann Widdecombe in the Daily Express column:
“There are few sights more pathetic than that of older people pretending they are young and trendy. Politicians parade their knowledge of pop groups or talk about legalising cannabis.”
Says Anne Winndecome, one column on:
“Sienna Miller has got her just deserts and I hope Balthazar Getty learns from his folly, although I would not bet on it.”
Yeah, Anne, best if the old wallies stick to showing off their knowledge of jobbing celebs…
Posted: 6th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5)
Wishing Death On Keira Knighley
JILTED ‘Gordon Is A Moron’ John has written an ode to Keira Knightley. The Sun’s Gordon Smart (indeed) calls it “brilliant”.
“Keira, Keira, eat your dinner
Keira, Keira, you can’t get much thinner
Go to a restaurant with Michael Winner
Keira, Keira, eat your dinner…
Dinner with Winner:
His legs turned black, his blood pressure plummeted and his organs shut down – all because he ate some dodgy oysters. Michael Winner tells Julia Stuart how he came back from the brink…
Table for two, Keira..?
Posted: 6th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Credit Crunch Headline Of The Day
CREDIT Crunch headline of the day:
“We lost home in credit crunch…now we’re living in a pigeon shed” – The Sun
Good to know that in times of stress you can still rely on the generosity of a pigeon…
Posted: 6th, August 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Madonna’s Joker Face Is Hewn From Stone
TAKE a gander at Madonna, with her “Mount Rushmore cheekbones, the angular jawline, the smoothed forehead, the plumped skin, the heartlike shape of the face“.
Madonna is on the cover of New York magazine. The accompanying article says Madonna has the “ultimate face”.
The ultimate face for what is not said.
But a clue comes via the Telegraph, which quotes Writer Jonathan Van Meter:
“Looking at Madonna, I kept thinking of the British expression for reconditioning a saddle: having it ‘restuffed’.”
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Posted: 6th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Red Alert: Maddox Jolie-Pitt’s Forced Labour
ALLISON Person is considering the lives of Angelina and Brad Pitt’s children.
Having said Knox and Vivienne are “as edible as sugared almonds”, Pearson of the Mail considers Cambodian-born Maddox Jolie-Pitt:
“Now there are two new cherubs to compete with. No wonder Maddox has been shortened to Mad. He looks increasingly like a furious member of the Khmer Rouge.”
Maddox is currently involved in a forced labour project in Hello! magazine…
Posted: 6th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Caught Out: Britol Car Clampers Play With A Straight Bat
ANORAK is always interested in people who share the same name.
Today we learn in the Sun of a Peter May, the “boss” of a car clamping company.
Peter May is ever the right-handed England XI bat who made his Test match debut against the South Africans at Headingley in 1951, scoring 138, was Wisden Cricketer of the Year in 1952 and went upstairs to become Chairman of the England cricket selectors.
Had he not died in 1994, Anorak would be interested to learn the route than led to him clamping cars in the West Country.
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Posted: 6th, August 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (3)
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Justin Timberlake Hair Cut
JUSTIN Timberlake – former lover to Britney Spears – provides and insight into his celebrity:
“I don’t require hair or nail appointments. I actually cut my own hair – that’s why it’s all the same length” – Sun
For fans wanting the Timberlake look, the singer’s hairs are laid out on a table and cut with a guillotine…
Posted: 6th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Jamie’s Hospital Dinners: Patients Catch Rats, Flies And Roaches
A RAT. A “filthy rat.”
“A staggering 20,000 cases of rats, cockroaches and drain flies have been reported by HNS hospitals on just over two years.”
So says the Sun on its front page.
On a brighter note, at least you can see the infection if you have, say, cockroaches, unlike MRSA which is invisible to the naked eye.
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Posted: 6th, August 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)
Madeleine McCann: McCanns Outrage Or Fury
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann…
Hacks are sifting through the Portuguese police’s files.
And reporters are divided: are the McCanns outraged or furious?
McCanns outraged over unseen e-fits
Outrage. Outrage. Outrage. Outrage.
Fury over book on the McCanns by disgraced police detective
OUR DESPAIR OUR FURY OUR FUTURE
McCann’s fury at the Portuguese as they are finally cleared
Madeleine McCann: Kate and Gerry’s’ fury at ‘club’ devoted to …
Fury. Fury. Fury. Fury. Fury. Fury. Fury. Fury. Fury. Fury. Fury. Fury. Fury. Fury. Fury. Fury.
Disgrace in Holland:
The couple’s spokesman Clarence Mitchell said: “If it was Madeleine, it was a disgrace that it was not passed on. We need to know what happened with this.
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Posted: 6th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (877)
Air Rage Is The Media’s New Road Rage
“I DON’T want to get off here, because Germans don’t like black people.”
They do. They love them. They idolise them. Well, half black men, at any rate. But maybe…
Try telling that to Leanne Connor, 26, who along with pal Lynette York, 27, was arrested after “terrified crew and passengers” aboard an XL Airways flight from Kos to Manchester claimed they tried to open a door at 30,000ft”. It was Leanne who allegedly accused the German peoples of racism.
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Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (4)
The Queen Has Her Face In A Cow’s Arse
HER MAJESTY:
“As a great admirer of the Royal Family, I was disgusted to see ,that two of the animals in the special Post Office issue of stamps showing rare breeds of cattle had their hindquarters to the Queen’s face. Surely face to face would have been more dignified“. (Letter in Daily Express)
Here are what I believe are the offending cows, from June ’84:
The other one is here…
Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (4)
A New Madeleine McCann eFit
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann…
Trawling through the McCanns files, the press is looking for clues that the Potuges police are useless and for 15 months missed something a tabloid hack will now spot :
The 17th and final volume of the McCann files contains the final 58-page report written by public prosecutors Jose de Magalhaes e Menezes and Joao Melchior Gomes.
“They could not predict that in the resort they chose to spend their holidays they could place the life of any of their children in danger,” they wrote.
It went on:
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Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (364)
Lily Allen News Of The Day
LILY Allen News of the day…
“What news of Lily Allen?” you cry. “It’s been an entire day since the last update. We need to know.”
Lilly Allen has walked through London’s West End sporting a pair of MC Hammer-style trousers
– Daily Mirror
More tomorrow…
Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5)
Barry George Is On His Trolley
BARRY George has been cleared of murdering Jill Dando. He served eight years choky for a crime he did not commit.
The Sun says he is holidays in of the Isle of White – “the closest thing to a prison-style holiday the UK has to offer“.
And he has been to brach of Morrissons to buy “two bottles of Dr Peeper and a cereal variety pack”.
Says one onlooker: “It wasn’t exactly the type of shopping you’d expect from someone who’d escaped a life sentence.”
A quick vox pop of the Anorak typing pool reveals that if released from a life sentence for a crime they did no commit, the girls and the guys would buy:
A gun
A car
A knife
A bomb
A TV licence
A propelling pencil
Curtains
Keys
A balaclava
A rubber suit
Barry George eats Hellman’s mayonnaise…
Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (2)
Gordon Brown Swaps Number 10 For a Big Tent
NEWS in the Sun that Gordon Brown is giving No.10 Downing Street “a makeover”.
He’s “ordered in the builders” as “part of massive relaunch of the Premiership”.
Anorak feels the time is right for a revamp. With the economy in a mess, if Brown can do up No. 10 and attract the right hedge fund manager, Russian oligarch, Saudi Prince or Blair scion, he can sell it for a pretty penny and move on.
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Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (2)
