Tabloids Category
The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.
Vegas And Bust: Big Brother’s Luke And Rebecca Marry
BIG Brother 9 Watch: Anorak’s looks at Big Brother news in the media…
BIG Brother’s Rebecca Shiner and her Barry George wannabe Luke Marsden are to marry in Las Vegas.
They are vey much in love, and to prove it Luke is pictured on the Star’s front page groping his paramour.
Inside, and Luke is pulling down the top of Rebecca’s shimmering dress and peeping within.
After yesterday’s pictures of Luke touching up Bex in the bath, her on top of him, and them in a glutinous frot, Anorak is watching the bookshelves for “The Joy Of Bex – A guide to sex in public”.
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Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
Mr Amy Winehouse Blake Fielder-Civil To ‘Star’ In Soap Opera
THE internet soap opera The Secret Life Of Sam King is to feature a character based on Blake Fielder-Civil, Mr Amy Winehouse, says the Star.
The role is: “Not your typical drug-dealer. Probably looks like a DJ or musician.”
Or, to open the auditions up a bit: Not your typical DJ or musician. Probably a drug dealer.”
Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
Madeleine McCann: Frozen Terror, This Is A Bedroom, Lying Police And A Song
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann…
THE SUN (front page) “MADDIE’S BED”
“First photo of room…”
But we’ve seen the room before, last November.
“…hours after abduction”.
Oh.
Pages 4-5: “TERROR FROZEN IN PICS”
Terror turns out to look like an empty bedroom.
Know that “by grim coincidence” “Maddies’s passport “expired yesterday”
Such are the facts.
“INSIDE FLAT WHERE MADDIE VANISHED”
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Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (215)
Madeleine McCann: Bedroom Pictures, DNA And Kate McCann Questions
THE hacks are going over the police reports on the disappearance of Madeleine McCann. Are we looking for clues? Or are we just looking? Come one voyeur, come all:
A British scientist warned DNA tests on a sample from Kate and Gerry McCanns’ hire car were inconclusive just days before the couple were made suspects, official police files have revealed.
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Posted: 4th, August 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (284)
Big Brother 9: Luke Buffs Up His Shiner
BIG Brother Luke and Bex are talking over each other shoulders to the Daily Star. They are the “BIG BONKERS”.
Says Luke: “She tore me apart like a wild animal off the Discovery Channel!”
Before the mauling, though, Bex makes sure her mate is clean, by bathing with him and encouraging him to use his hands as a makeshift bra, to save spare her blushes and ensure compatibility.
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Posted: 4th, August 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment (1)
The Rubbish Police Are Coming To Your Bin
HEAR that rustling and grinding noise? It’s the sound of the “rubbish police”. No, not the Portuguese cops. This is the real rubbish police, and they’re coming to a wheelie bin near you.
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Posted: 4th, August 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids | Comments (6)
The Daily Mail’s Knee Monitoring Service: Lulu
AGEING is disgusting. And the Mail continues its look at they who would revolt us by focusing on Lulu’s knees.
The Mail’s Knee Monitoring Service has taken in Melanie Griffith’s knees, Kate Moss’s knees, Nicollette Sheridan’s knees, Nicky Hilton’s knees, Victoria Beckham’s knees, Eva Longoria’s knees, Jennifer Lopez’s knees, Paris Hilton’s knees, Mischa Barton’s knees, Nicole Kidman’s knees, Charlotte Church’s knees, Nigella Lawson’s knees and Angela Rippon’s knees.
From the top of her beehive to the hem of her black studded minidress, she could pass for a woman half her age – and a pretty cool one at that.
Of course, women half Lulu’s 89 years are swigging alcopops, weighing in at 18 stone plus and dating their granddaugther’s immigrant pimp lover at the taxpayers’ expense. But go on:
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Posted: 4th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Lily Allen Thought For The Day
TIME to find out what Lily Allen’s been up to:
Lily Allen’s interest in horticulture continued apace yesterday as the singer popped to her local shops to buy some flowers – Mail
More Lily Allen news everyday…
Posted: 4th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Ben Mullany And A Cloud Over The Holiday Wars
“HONEYMOON shooting,” says the Express on its front page. “Bridegroom dies after brave fight.”
Ben Mullany has died, murdered along with his wife Catherine while on holiday in Antigua. The Express is nothing if not sensitive. Says the paper, also on its front page:
While readers wonder if the war will be bloody, the Mirror shows that it has learnt much from the case of Robert Murat. There’s a question on its front page:
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Posted: 4th, August 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (2)
Madeleine McCann: Eamoon Holmes Empathises, Police Files Go Public And Maddie Wristbands On eBay
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann…
BRACE yourselves for lots of Madeleine McCann shocker headlines. Portuguese police might have shelved the case, but the thousands of pages of evidence assembled in the official search for the missing child are expected to be made public at 2pm today.
Hacks will today be able to look through thousands of pages of witness statements, transcripts of interviews with the McCanns, tip offs and details of the lines of inquiry detectives pursued.
Kate McCann and her husband Gerry have been officially cleared of any involvement in their daughter’s disappearance.
BELFAST TELEGRAPH: “Holmes ‘robbed of £10,000’ while on Algarve holiday”
Those dirty foreign basta…
Ulster-born telly star Eamonn Holmes has had thousands of pounds stolen in a burglary in Portugal — and he has slammed the local police investigation.
Eamonn was playing golf at the time. Chilling, indeed. Is he ok, or has he taken a knock to the head? Says Eamonn:
“Like Kate and Gerry McCann, I’ve had dealings with the Portuguese police. But unlike Kate and Gerry, I was only trying to report a burglary — not the theft of my child.
“One of the things obvious to anyone dealing with the police on the Algarve is the sorry fact that no matter what you have lost, there simply isn’t enough of them to begin tracking it down.
“That may be one of the worst twists of fate in what happened to Madeleine — that tragically, she went missing in the wrong place.”
If only they’d been playing golf…
THE SUN: “Kate ‘fell silent’ in police quiz”
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Posted: 4th, August 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (187)
Keeping Tabs On The Stabs: Face To Face With Knife Crime
KNIFE crime. Don’t worry. The tabloids are on to it.
Today the News of the World is meeting with “vicious” Christaides Georgiou who “cunningly uses a five-inch serrated kitchen knife to pass off CONTRACT stabbings as just another statistic in the street terror gripping Britain”. It is “blood-curdling”.
NOTW hack Charlie Lloyd says Georgiou is in possession of a knife that he keeps wrapped in a newspaper, the Daily Mirror would suit his sort, we’d wager.
So cunning and wily is Georgiou that he has met with a hack and offers them a menu of “barbaric cut-to-order options”.
Want to know what you can get?
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Posted: 3rd, August 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (2)
Hello! Outbids Paedo Today For Pictures Of Knox Leon And Vivienne Marcheline
NEWS is that “Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have sold pictures of their newborn twins for a record £7.5million”.
Reports the Mirror:
Hello! magazine secured the deal after a bidding frenzy with rival OK! to show photographs of Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline, three weeks old tomorrow.
Other magazines believed to have been in for the snaps, were Paedos Today, IVF Monthly and Voyeur Weekly.
A cheque from Russian website Kidz4Sale.com for the sum of £4.3billion is believed to have bounced…
Picture: 14
Posted: 3rd, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Hello!, Money, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Lindsay Lohan To Marry Sam Ronson
CALL the cops. Lindsay Lohan is to marry Sam Ronson. Sam is a girl.
LOOKS like romance for movie babe LINDSAY LOHAN really does Mean Girls—she’s about to “tie-the-knot” with her lover.
I can reveal that Lindsay will come out and declare her eternal love for sweetheart SAM RONSON at a private ceremony in LA later this year.
Private… Really?
Posted: 3rd, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (11)
The War On Salt With CAOSH, Emma Thompson And Norfolk Council’s Shaker Police
THE man from the Consensus Action On Salt Health is on the BBC’s breakfast show. He’s the man from CAOSH.
Anorak wonders if Sean Connery is a member of CAOSH, or, as is more likely, fighting it in his guise as James Bond?
Emma Thompson, the actress, is not a member of CAOSH. Says she in the Sunday Times:
There is no greater partnership, when on a rock, than that of egg and crisp. Textural reasons present themselves immediately – even, perhaps, to those who have never sampled the above. The softness of the egg marries beautifully with the edges of the crisp – of course it does. That much is obvious. But one can extrapolate the pleasures still further.
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Posted: 3rd, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities, Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (4)
Barry George Does Big Brother
BELOW the news that Barry George is “quitting Britain”, the Daily Star reports on Big Brother: “LUKE MY STORY – YES BEX – YES I WANT SEX”.
George may realise that attracting a mate requires something more sophisticated than stalking, such as announcing it via a national newspaper.
Look out for wannabe stalkers strapping on sandwich boards bearing the legend “I AM HUNTING YOU” and waiting for women to wander past.
In an exclusive, tell-all interview with the Daily Star Sunday, the Luke Marsden, Big Brother housemate emeritus, “confessed how he… can’t wait to ply her with booze and have his wicked way…”
Readers might wonder if this is an extract from George’s dairies or a D-list celeb telling all?
See if you can guess whose saying the following lines, George or Marsden:
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Posted: 3rd, August 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (3)
Got Wood: Ekaterina Ivanova On Her Rolling Stone Etching
HAPPY birthday Ekaterina Ivanova, the 18-year-old Muscoviote born 20 years ago in Kazakhstan, who has been on a panting by numbers with Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood.
Says Ivanova in the News of the World: “I’m not even from Russia. I’m from a tiny country called Kyrgyzstan.”
Such are the facts. But what of the love? Says Ivanova: “It wasn’t like kissing a 61-year-old. It was electric. There was a spark.”
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Posted: 3rd, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (8)
Madeleine McCann: Reading Amaral’s Book, Free Speech And Elvis
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann…
THE GUARDIAN: “On the front line in the search for Maddie – Gonçalo Amaral’s intriguing memoir of the Madeleine McCann case offers no solution but reveals a man obsessed by the investigation”
Ned Temko is reading Amaral’s book:
It is a shame that this revealing memoir from Gonçalo Amaral, the police chief who ran the Madeleine McCann investigation until he was unceremoniously fired last year, has not been published in English…
Indeed it is. And a disappointment that no British paper has sought to serialise the work. Aren’t we interested in what the copper thinks? Or are we too scared to publish it? What of free speech, then?
Wouldn’t any reader of sound mind dismiss slights against the McCanns’ involvement?
Within minutes of its appearance in Portuguese bookshops, the McCanns’ spokesman let it be known their lawyers would be giving it a thorough read, with an eye to the kind of libel action that ended up costing the Express group £500,000 earlier this year. And that was before the Portuguese authorities finally cleared the couple last month of any suspicion.
We’ve been scared off. But:
Surely it won’t be long before enterprising translators feed the juicier bits to an online conspiracy community that, in the 15 months since the cherubic three-year-old went missing from Praia da Luz, has elevated Madeleine into something close to a new Elvis.
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Posted: 3rd, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (284)
Exclusive: Barry George Is Innocent Because
Headline of the day: Barry George Is Innocent because…
Barry George has insisted he could not have killed Jill Dando because he was stalking another woman at the time.
That’s Barry George’s “exclusive” interview with The News of the World, not to be confused with the Sunday Mirror’s “exclusive” interview…
Posted: 3rd, August 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (23)
Making JAM On Holiday In Basra
THE Mirror’s grinning Kate Jackson is in Basra. She wonders: “Could the new Iraq be a hot travel destination?”
Why not?
ITV has commissioned a new series of Holidays From Hell, and who would not want to see Anthea Turner’s reportage from the “St Tropez of the Middle East”?
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Madeleine McCann: Tabloid Bingo With Tony Parsons And Catherine And Ben Mullany
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann…
TONY Parsons has written about Madeleine McCann before. He has empathised with the parents. He has criticised the sardine-munching Portuguese. He has seen Jesus. Parsons gets it. Even his child gets it.
Catherine and Ben Mullany are on honeymoon in Antigua. They are shot. She is dead. He is braindead. Is there a link between them and Madeleine McCann.? Eyes down for Tabloid Bingo. Parsons knows:
Casual security, bungling cops and paradise suddenly turning into hell – the horrific murder of the Antigua honeymoon bride has echoes of the Madeleine McCann case.
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Posted: 2nd, August 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (69)
Zante And Bust: Don’t Take No For An Answer
“RAPE ALLEY,” screams the Sun. “The paper is in Zante, “once a peaceful fishing village, then an upmarket family resort – but today it is ruled by drunken young Brits”.
Shameless pairs have sex in public, hooligans brawl over a wrong look, girls parade in underwear, youngsters down cheap booze until they vomit and drunken teens menace the narrow streets on quad bikes.
It’s just like being at home, only hotter. Book your trip to Zante, as advertised in the, er, Sun:
It’s magnifi-Zante – Book now to assure disappointment!
. . . head to Zante for two weeks for just £169 per adult and £99 per child including self catering at the three-star Mavrias Apartments ? flights from Birmingham on May 12. Deal based on five sharing.
Is that five sharing one girl or guy, or five sharing an alley?
Posted: 2nd, August 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (3)
That Official Big Brother 9 News In Full
BIG Brother 9 Watch: Anorak’s looks at Big Brother news in the media…
The Dail Star is the “Official Big Brother Paper”. It knows the ins and the outs of life in the house.
Fans fear there is a plot to keep geeky Luke in the house.
Viewers hoping to evict a wannabe tonight are in for a shock because the phone lines have already closed… The majority believe that is why chiefs are trying to fix the poll to stop the skinny student from being evicted.
GEEKY Luke Marsden was last night hoping for a hot reunion with busty Bex Shiner after he was booted out of the house.
The plot thickens…
Posted: 2nd, August 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
Jill Dando, Madeleine McCann, Barry George, Princess Diana And Tabloid Bingo
BARRY George, the oddball, has been cleared of murdering BBC presenter Jill Dando. The papers react:
DAILY EXPRESS: “£1M PAYOUT FOR MAN CLEARED OF KILLING JILL DANDO”
The 48-year-old convicted sex offender spent eight years behind bars and is likely to receive at least £500,000 compensation, plus a similar amount from a media bidding war for his story.
BBC: It’s £250,000.
DAILY MIRROR: Barry George in bid for £1million compensation after being cleared of Jill Dando’s murder
The money’s better in the Mirror:
George, 48, a loner with mental problems whose conviction for shooting dead Crimewatch presenter Jill was based on unreliable forensic evidence, was yesterday found not guilty after an Old Bailey retrial.
GLASGOW DAILY RECORD: “So Who Did Kill Jill?”
This from the Mirror in Scotland:
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Posted: 2nd, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (51)
Not Jill Dando’s Killer Barry George And Tabloid TV BBC
BARRY George has had his conviction for the murder of BBC TV presenter Jill Dando quashed on appeal. He has been in prison for eight years.
Says Mr George: “I want to thank my family, my legal team, my medical team and all the people who have supported me at Belmarsh, Whitemoor and Manchester prisons, and all my supporters.”
On the BBC 10 o’clock news, this was the lead story. And twice during the feature Mr George was called an “oddball”.
Anorak cannot help but think of libelled Robert Murat, called an “oddball” by the tabloid press in its obsession with the Madeleine McCann case. He’s the Mail’s “oddball“.
Farmer Joaquim Marques was also called an “oddball” by the Daily Mirror. The Sun saw another Madeleine McCann “oddball” in a photofit.
Mick Donovan, who was allegedly found in the company of missing schoolgirl Shannon Matthews, was the Sun’s “oddball“.
Michael Jackson has been the Star’s “oddball“.
Lembit Opik, the MP, has been a Mail on Sunday “oddball“.
When did the BBC become tabloid TV?
Posted: 1st, August 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (12)
Are You The Off Your Facebook Woman Beater?
IS that you punching a girl in the face in London’s Hype Park?
Is that you giving the girl a “face hook” (Star)? Are the the girl “hit in the Facebook” (Sun)?
Were you at the Facebook party, a water fight organised over the social network?
Were you approached by a girl who sprayed you with a fizzy drink, a drink other than water?
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Posted: 1st, August 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (10)
