Tabloids Category
The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.
Police Log: Anorak’s Look At Crime In The News
POLICE investigating complaints of a man dressed in women’s clothes being sexually suggestive to children on a school bus saw a 49-year-old motorist in a purple leotard, blonde wig and high heeled boots.
A DRINK driver who was spotted with her broken leg in a plaster cast sticking out of the side window of her car as she swerved across a busy road has been jailed.
Posted: 1st, August 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (4)
The £4 School Uniform For Today’s Youth
THE Express hails the arrival of the £4 school uniform.
Costing just four of your British pounds, this uniform features shirt, trousers/skirt and knitted top.
The Climate Cops salute such frugality – what with there being a war on. And in turn Anorak salutes them and wonders if the uniform goes far enough.
Should we not be recycling old uniforms? Remember, parents, the Kinder Kops are watching…
Prince Charles Drinks To Global Warming
PRINCE Charles and his fragrant wife Camilla are on a tour of Suffolk:
The Prince of Wales marked his first official visit to Suffolk in three years by highlighting the work of local shops, producers and environmentally-friendly projects as he and the Duchess – who wore a cream long-sleeved paisley print dress with matching cream shoes and handbag – were shown around Southwold – Lowestoft Journal
Dress them all in green-o:
The Prince of Wales has sampled Adnams’ new environmentally-friendly beer – after travelling to its brewery by helicopter. Charles and Camilla flew from Norfolk to Suffolk, a journey of around 65 miles as the crow flies, instead of making the 85-mile road trip – The Publican
One for all and…:
Prince Charles has praised the Daily Mirror’s Pride of Britain Awards for celebrating the “selfless” – Daily Mirror
Long live the planet…
Posted: 1st, August 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comment
The Daily Express’s Garlic Crusade
“A DAILY dose of garlic can save your life,” says the Daily Express on its front page.
Munch just one clove of raw garlic a day and you will be 35 per cent less likely to be mugged; 23% less likely to be knifed; 58 % les likely to be frotted on a crowed bus or train; and 99% less chance of being bitten on the neck by a vampire.
Bronco Pete, Anorak’s resident tramp, says he’s been using the smell of stale urine, warm cider and a kebab sewn into the hem of his trenchcoat to warn off attackers for decades, but WILL try garlic.
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Posted: 1st, August 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (2)
Wrist Watch: Nereida Gallardo Flicks Off Ronaldo
CRISTIANO Ronaldo has finally transferred from Nereida Gallardo.
But it’s as hard for Gallardo to move on as it is for the Star and the Sun which both focus on the topless stunna as she parades her box-fresh floatation aides on a beach.
While the tabloids zoom in, Sun readers note the initial “CR” etched on Gallardo’s wrist.
In moments of quiet reflection, Gallardo can consider her wrist and wonder what might have been. She may even care to flaunt her wrist at a football match in which Ronaldo is playing in a time-honoured manner favoured by many a football fan.
And her future lovers can also consider her wrist and wonder what will be…
Posted: 1st, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Georgia Davis Is Britain’s Fattest Teenager, For Now
NO small achievement for 33 stone Georgia Davis, Britain’s fattest teenager.
Who would have thought a 15-year-old poker could make it to the front of the nation’s biggest-selling newspaper. It’s just amazing how fair people can be.
Of course time is of the essence. Georgia won’t be Britain’s fattest teenager forever. The competition grows by the minute, and Georgia turns 20 in five years. Maybe.
As the Sun says: “And doctors have told her she could drop dead any moment.”
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Posted: 1st, August 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (29)
Big Brother 9: Mute Maysoon’s April Rains
BIG Brother 9 Watch: Anorak’s looks at Big Brother news in the media…
MAYSOON, everybody. It’s the Big Brother housemate (emeritus) who sounds like a patois greeting in April. It’s Big Brother’s May-soooooon…
Hats off to Big Brother for following the arrival of its first disabled housemate, the blind sighted Mikey, with the mute Maysoon.
So much for tokenism.
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Posted: 1st, August 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
Madeleine McCann: The Maddie Crunch, Goncarlo Amaral’s Interview And Lawyers
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann, Gerry McCann
THE PORTUGAL NEWS ONLINE: “Minster praises GNR performance during Maddie case”
Portugal’s Home Affairs Minster, Rui Pereira, told the country this week he believed the GNR police had acted in an “exemplary” fashion during the Madeleine McCann investigation, and in “close collaboration” with the PJ police.
Exclusive in English: Former ‘Maddie Cop’ interview
It’s detective, cake eater and author Goncarlo Amaral:
TPN: The report leaked last week says that Gerry and Kate were made arguidos on the “merest possibility” that they were involved in the disappearance of their child. Is that accurate?
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Posted: 1st, August 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (474)
David Miliband And Barack Obama: Separated At Birth
DAVID Miliband would be Labour Leader. David Miliband would be leader of the Opposition (surely Prime Minister? -Ed)
David Miliband is for Change, just like Barack Obama. You don’t suppose…
“Labour facing civil war”, according to the Daily Mail.
“Brown furious over Miliband treachery”, says the Daily Express. “Gordon Brown was ‘incandescent’ with rage over a challenge to his authority…” Voice call the foreign secretary “condescending”, “patronising” and “crappy”.
“Brains versus Brown” says the Sun.
The Telegraph’s Ivan Lewis says “timidity and incremental change will not deal with the way people feel right now”.
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Posted: 31st, July 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (7)
Do The Licence Payer: BBC Fined, And Elisa Roche Auditions For Countdown
IT would not surprise us to learn that Pudsey Bear, BBC Children In Need’s overstuffed monocular mascot, has 20-20 vision.
The BBC has been fined £400,000 for “deliberately cheating” the public with fake phone-in competitions. The BBC is funded by the public, meaning that we have been cheating ourselves. And that is not on!
Right it is then that we should pay, and the Beeb has been censured.
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Posted: 31st, July 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (3)
Celebrity Quote of The Day: Catherine Zeta Jones Makes
CELEBRITY Quote of The Day: Catherine Zeta Jones makes it.
“DYLAN was doing occupations at school recently and the teacher said, ‘You have to go home and ask Mummy and Daddy what they do.’ So we were trying to explain to Dylan that we make movies and he went to Michael, ‘Hang on. Mama makes movies, you make pancakes!’ So my two-time Oscar-winning husband with a career of 40 years looks at me and says, ‘Oh, it’s come to that!’”
– Catherine Zeta Jones, in the Sun
Posted: 31st, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Pete Doherty’s Hit
CELEBRITY Quote Of The Day: Pete Doherty’s Hit.
“When you split up with someone you’re seriously in love with, it takes a lot of time before you even realise you’re upset. You know it just hits you?” – The Sun
Peter Doehty takes a hit.
Posted: 31st, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)
Acting Up A Storm: Coronation Street Cops Beaten Black And Blue
“BACKLASH over Coronation Street’s girl-on-girl gang violence storyline,” screams the Mail.
Coronation Street is show scenes of two fictional characters – policewomen Mel Morton and Abi Sharpe – being beaten up by a troupe of actresses.
The Mail is appalled.
“But after almost five decades on air, Coronation Street is set to deliver its biggest shock yet with gratuitous scenes of girl-on-girl gang violence.”
There are four large colour stills of the “gratuitous violence” on the Mail’s website. View them at your own risk.
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Posted: 31st, July 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment (1)
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Guy Ritchie
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Guy Ritchie
“Sugar is responsible for a lot of deaths” – Empire Magazine, via The Daily Star
Sweet as a nut!
Posted: 31st, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Madeleine McCann: The McCanns’ Ireland State Visit And Coronation Street Plots
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann, Gerry McCann
BELFAST TELEGRAPH: “Madeleine McCann parents set for Irish visit”
Has the missing child been spotted in Ireland?
The couple and their young twins are expected to make the journey this autumn and plan to make a television appearance while they’re in the country. The couple’s visit will be their first time to arrive in Ireland since their four-year-old daughter Madeleine went missing last year.
This reads like a visit from a head of state:
Kate and Gerry are expected to take up on an open invitation to appear on RTE’s The Late Late Show to address the nation and thank the Irish for their “incredible support”.
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Posted: 31st, July 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (569)
Fat Club: Nightclub Club Bounces Fat People
TO the famous Havana Club in downtown St Helier, Jersey, where some customers are at the door.
Georgina Mason, 23, who is among the group, takes up the story:
“About five or six or us got there about 11.30pm on Saturday and the bouncers said we were not allowed in because we were too big.”
The famous revolving door?
“I told them not to be ridiculous and asked to speak to the manager. He would not look at me directly but said they’d received too many complaints about fat people. He told me to ‘go and lose some weight before you come in – fat people are bad for business’.
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Posted: 30th, July 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (5)
Selling Knife Crime: Eros’s Arrow And Selfridge’s Red Hearts T-Shirts
THE Mirror is outraged. On sale in Selfridges, London, is a T-shirt for The Red Hearts, an LA punk band.
The T-shirt features a drawing of a blade on the wearer’s heart and some red ink that trails into the lettering “THE RED HEARTS”.
Janina Rout, 47, shopper, mother, was appalled:
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Posted: 30th, July 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids | Comments (6)
Sharking For News: Damien Hirst, Pet Sharks And Stealing Sharks To Order
THE summer is here, and with comes the seasonal tales of shark stories. But Anorak detects a sinister twist:
DAILY TELEGRAPH: “Damien Hirst auction expected to fetch £65 million – An auction of new works by Damien Hirst – including a pickled zebra, a unicorn and a calf with 18-carat gold hooves – is expected to fetch over £65 million…”
Hirst will also present a pickled tiger shark (£4 million – £6 million), zebra (£2 million – £3 million) and ‘unicorn’ (£2 million – £3 million) – the latter is a foal with a resin horn. All are new works created this year.
DAILY TELEGRAPH: “Rare marble shark stolen from shed aquarium”
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Posted: 30th, July 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Strange But True, Tabloids | Comments (7)
Weston-Super-Mare: Walking Down the Beaches Looking For Tinned Peaches
WHAT will residents of Weston-Super-Mare do now their pier is no more?
Is it back to collecting bit of sand-blasted broken glass on the beach, watching the rain drop races on the window and wondering what magical cities of gold and silver lie across the grey seas?
Says “jubilant” Nicola Hesketh in the Sun:
“Something like this doesn’t happen every day. I found a massive can of peaches and three £1 coins”.
But beachcombers and bounty hunters should take care. Not everyone might be so lucky and hit the jackpot.
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Shannon Matthews: Karen Matthews’ New Job
WHAT news of Shannon Matthews and the greater Matthews clan?
The Star says that Karen Matthews is in line to secure her “first-ever” job. Karen wants a job in New Hall Prison’s handbag and umbrella workshop.
But the Star says she may not get the post because there are fears she may be attacked, possibly by a handbag or – ouch! – an umbrella.
The Star also says: “SHANNON’S MUM GETS FIRST-EVER JOB”, adding yet more intrigue to an already intriguing case…
Posted: 30th, July 2008 | In: Reviews, Tabloids | Comments (8)
Big Brother 9: The Premier League Plot
BIG Brother 9 Watch: Anorak’s looks at Big Brother news in the media…
NEWS on the Star’s cover page that seven “BIG BROTHER FIXERS TO FACE BOOT”.
The Star has learned of a “sensational secret-code plot to fix the show”.
Anorak has been replaying old tapes, alongside watching the live feed, and can confirm that the code involves the angle of Rex’s parting, the tone and duration of Mohamed’s grapsing and the number of times Lisa blinks in any given hour.
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Posted: 30th, July 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
Madeleine McCann: Cluedo, Kate Summerscale Wins And Head Shaving The Tesco’s Girl
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann, Gerry McCann
NEW ZEALAND HERALD: “Real murder mystery takes top prize”
What’s a work of fiction got to do with Madeleine McCann, the disappearance of a real child?
Almost 150 years later, the murder at Road Hill House looks set to regain a firm grip on the national imagination after a modern account of the Cluedo-style killing won the £30,000 ($78,000) Samuel Johnson prize.
The Suspicions of Mr Whicher: Or The Murder at Road Hill House, by Kate Summerscale, had been deemed as the most commercial book on the six-strong shortlist.
Cluedo? But the McCann case has no suspects, let alone a weapon?
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Posted: 30th, July 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (334)
Ian Wright’s Football Insight
FOOTBALL insight of the day:
My old Arsenal team-mate David Rocastle would be turning into his grave right now if he looked at what is happing to the Gunners – Ian Wright in the Sun
Can you get cable telly down there?
Posted: 29th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Do The Time: More Countdown Auditions, With Joey Barton
MORE auditions for Carol Vorderman’s former job as the nation’s favourite brain box, featuring Joey Barton…
STEVE WILSON (Telegraph)
Barton was bought from Manchester City just a year ago for £5 million and is on wages that amount to around £70,000 a week.
ROB STEWART (Telegraph)
Newcastle midfielder Joey Barton will refuse to accept a cut in his £55,000-per-week basic wages when he meets the club’s hierarchy for crucial talks on Tyneside following his release from prison.
PATRICK MULCHRONE (Mirror):
Three in five want the £60,000- a-week former England player sacked, a poll has shown. The row has seen some refuse to renew season tickets.
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Posted: 29th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Money, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
Man Leaves Incriminating Evidence On Woman’s Chest
SAYS a police source in the Metro seat cleaner: “Everyone was reminded of the scene from Fawlty Towers. But that’s not to say it was a laughing matter for the lady.”
To Lincoln, “the Torquay of the north”, where Peter Notridge has been working on his car. Perhaps blinded by the headlamps, he grabs the breasts of a woman in her 20s stood talking to his wife outside his house.
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Posted: 29th, July 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (4)
