Tabloids Category
The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.
Gordon Smart On Posh And Becks
ASKS Gordon Smart in the Sun:
“Are Posh and Becks the most annoyingly attractive couple in the showbiz world?”
Answer: Yes. And No.
Posted: 21st, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Amy Winehouse’s Role Model, Blake’s ‘Girlfriend’ Sophie Schandorff And A Smiling Assassin
AMY Winehouse’s husband has been sentenced to 27 months in prison for trial fixing and grievous bodily harm.
Judge David Radford said he behaved in a “gratuitous, cowardly and disgraceful way”.
Winehouse remains at liberty to belch her husband’s name every few minutes, as is her wont.
Amy Winehouse didn’t turn up to see husband Blake sentenced today but his reported girlfriend was in floods of tears outside the court.
Blonde German model Sophie Schandorff, 21, was obviously distraught after the hearing, which saw Fielder-Civil sentenced to 27 months in prison today for grievous bodily harm and perverting the course of justice.
Schandorff caused a stir at court in April when she was in Winehouse’s usual place to support Fielder-Civil and the couple were seen to mouth ‘I love you’ to each other.
You may be intersted to hear what Blaaaake’s brief had to say by way of his defence:
“They are very much committed to each other and their ambition is to divorce themselves from hard drugs and not separate themselves from each other.
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Posted: 21st, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)
Questions For The Devon Migrant Worker Task Force
IN Devon you can get a 13-chapter guide on how to settle in Britain.
Produced by the Devon Migrant Worker Task Force, (DMWTF – which, irony of ironies – is Polish for “foreign bastard”), the pamphlet tells you how to drink tea and treat the phrase “How are you?” as a rhetorical question, likewise:
“Did you spill my pint?”, “Why don’t you just f*** off?” and the dentist’s poser: “Going somewhere nice for your holidays?”
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Posted: 21st, July 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (3)
Cristiano Ronaldo’s Four Play
MORE news on Cristiano Ronaldo, the want-away Manchester United winger.
The Mirror leads with “RON THE ROMEO”, telling readers that since “splitting” with Nereida Galardo the player has been on dates with four girls in four days.
It’s front-page news.
The girls are not named, but the Star must be hoping one of them has posed topless and that it can finally end its daily exclusive that Ronaldo’s is dating one, er, topless Nereida Gallardo…
Posted: 21st, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (16)
Madonna A-Rod Sex Movie Makes It To First Base
NO small shock that Madonna has become embroiled in a “SEX VIDEO SHOCK” in which she, allegedly, fails to simulate sex.
Having seen the singer simulate spanking, simulate losing her virginity and simulate sex on your coffee table in a book called Sex – it featuring photos of Madge simulating lesbianism, homosexuality and sadomasochism – news that Madonna possibly has sex is worthy of the Star’s front page.
The paper says Madonna and Alex Rodriguez, a US baseball player, have been caught “locked in a steamy romp”.
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Posted: 21st, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)
James Bond’s Short Man Syndrome
CAN it be that James Bond, ably played by Daniel Craig, has gone native?
The Star says Bond has taken to wearing stacked heals. The paper says this is to stop his co-star, one Gemma Arterton, from towering over him.
But surely Bond keeps his knife in his shoes and in the manner of Rosa Klebb defies anyone to cell him short, lest they be whittled away by repeated kicks about the ankles from his boots.
Of course, the producers could just have hired a smaller Bond love interest, and so negated any chance of his looking like an action figure…
Posted: 21st, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Pete Doherty’s New Act
PETE Doherty’s Court Out tour continues to get great press.
And the Sun brings news that Pete has added an exciting new twist to his act.
In “Burgling Doherty burgled”, the Sun says that Doherty’s home has been broken into and thieves have made off with a guitar and some of his paintings.
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Posted: 21st, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Madeleine McCann: BBC Is Live, Peter Wilby’s Right, Stephen Glover Investigates And Tabloid Facts
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann
Today Portugal’s attorney general, Jose Pinto Monteiro, is to make a statement about the Madeleine McCann case. Reports that the inquiry into her disappearance will be shelved.
This means Kate McCann, Gerry McCann and Robert Murat – the three named suspects – might be cleared.
But what crime occurred? Kidnap? Murder? Paedophilia? Neglect? The Portuguese police have never been able to say for sure.
The BBC has its man in Portugal. It’s “live” from Portugal. And we are watching the parents.
DAILY MAIL (front page): “New agony for Kate as Maddie detective cashes in”
Kate and Gerry McCann are expected to be told today that the inquiry into their daughter’s disappearance is being shelved.
But in a heartbreaking blow, a book by the disgraced former head of the investigation will be published on Thursday promising ‘explosive revelations’ about the inquiry.
The memoir by Goncalo Amaral reportedly contains allegations that Madeleine died accidentally in her parents’ care, and that they disposed of her body to cover up the death.
Why would this be agony now when it is a theory already mentioned in newspapers?
Let’s just stick to the facts:
The McCanns, both 40, vehemently deny the claims.
DAILY MIRROR: “Ex-Maddy cop’s book ‘to tell all’”
Former Chief Inspector Goncalo Amaral, 48, was axed from the investigation last October after criticising Kate and Gerry and the UK police.
But the disgraced officer is expected to repeat his controversial claims when the book – Truth About The Lies – hits the shelves on Thursday.
Will the Mirror dare to repeat the claims? The Mirror deals with facts:
Kate and Gerry, both 39, of Rothley, Leics, are today widely expected to be cleared as official suspects in the case, along with Robert Murat, a Brit living in Praia da Luz.
Such are the, er, facts.
THE GUARDIAN: “Murat’s £800,000 – a minor marketing expense”. Says Peter Wilby:
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Posted: 21st, July 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Money, Tabloids | Comments (869)
Blake’s Mum Says Amy Winehouse Is A Death Sentence
PHIL Taylor writes for the News of the World on husband bore Amy Winehouse and her Blake Fielder-Dreams.
Says Taylor:
Amy showed her love for her husband, who works in the record business, only last week when she dedicated a song to him at the T In The Park musical festival.
One thing we know about Blaaaake is that he works at Her Majesty’s Pleasure, and is as much a force in the music industry as Super Hans is, the muso, cabbaged shyster on TV’s Peep Show.
Says Winehouse at that show: “This one’s for my husband, who’s out a week today.”
Brilliant news. At least when Blake emerges blinking into his wife’s limelight her act can move on.
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Posted: 20th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5)
British Teens Under The Knives
“KNIVES- sign our Save Our Streets Petition,” says the News of the World:
My brother was stabbed by gang 9 times so I carried knife
“Teens under the knife,” says the News of the World:
“I bought a gastric band for my 18th birthday”
More cuttings to follow…
Posted: 20th, July 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (3)
Our Madeleine McCann: Colin Stagg, Mad Dogs And Lucy Cavendish, And Amaral’s True Lies
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann
SUNDAY PEOPLE: “We’ll savage bungling cops on Oprah [Winfrey] show – CLEARED McCANNS VOW TV ONSLAUGHT”
Cleared?
“At noon tomorrow a judge will formally lift the cloud of suspicion.”
Is that a fact?
The couple are likely to focus their fury on top cop Goncalo Amaral, who was kicked off the Madeleine case last October following allegations of incompetence and attacks on his British police counterparts.
“I’LL NEVER HAVE MY LIFE BACK – MURAT” – ‘I don’t know if I will ever be able to shake off the stigma of being ‘that Maddie man‘.”
“People say there is no smoke without fire and there may always be some who still doubt me. I have to live with that for the rest of my life.”
Let’s play a game of word association: Colin Stagg.
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Posted: 20th, July 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (431)
Got Wood: Ekaterina Ivanova’s Lover Tells All
WILL Jones is the 22 year-old “geeky” student who says he slept with Ekaterina Ivanova, the cocktail waitress who went on a painting-by-numbers mission to Ireland with alcoholic Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood.
(Did he think she came with a tray of drinks?)
It’s the Sun’s front-page scoop.
Jones says “Moscow-born” Ekaterina, aged 18 and born in Kazakhstan 20 years ago, “pestered him to take her to his Brighton home when she fell for his schoolboy wizard looks at an indie music night in the capital called After School.”
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Posted: 19th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Madeleine McCann: The English In Portugal, Danie Krugel And Entertainment
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann
THE SUN: “UK cops in McCann talks”
BRITISH police have met Portugal’s public prosecutor to discuss handing over evidence into the Maddie McCann probe. Local cops are set to close the case on Monday and clear parents Kate and Gerry over their daughter’s disappearance.
Yesterday a Portuguese newspaper claimed British cops tried to stop information – including the results of a DNA test on the McCanns’ hire car – from being made public.
DAILY MAIL: “British police failed to stop DNA evidence in McCann case from being made public”
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Posted: 19th, July 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (557)
Jon Gaunt Wants Russell Brand Attacked For Free Speech
THE SUN’S campaign to have every celebrity locked up – and so reduce the expense of observing them – moves on.
Having failed to have Peaches Geldof, Amy Winehouse, Naomi Campbell and Paul Burrell jailed (The Mirror goes for Jeremy Clarkson), the paper’s Jon Gaunt wants Russell Brand to be arrested for making a hoax call to the police.
There has been a series of sexual assaults in Northampton, where Brand is appearing on stage:
He borrows an audience member’s phone and rings the police hotline to tell them he’s actually seen the offender….
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Posted: 18th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (10)
No Believing The Police On Knife Crime
HOW fast can you read? Study if you will the Sun’s headline: “By the time you’ve read this page anther person will be a knife victim.”
Were it not for the associated news that it’s “4 MINS UNTIL NEXT CRIME”, readers may not bother to finish the words and thereby prevent another stabbing.
The story is one of fact piled upon fact:
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Posted: 18th, July 2008 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Will The Real Sven Goran Eriksson Please Add Up
WHAT happens to an impersonator when their muse retires from frontline life?
The real Sven Goran Eriksson, slipped back hair, Cuban heels, look of man trying on new glasses in an outlet of Boots, is the new manager of the Mexico national side.
Also in Mexico is Svens look-alike, Derek Williams. News is that Mr Williams has been given a tour of Club Universidad Nacional’s stadium.
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Posted: 18th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Pete Doherty’s Court Out Tour 2008
PETE Dohertys summer tour 2008 is underway.
The Court Out tour was due to take in a courtroom in Yeovil, Somerset, but Doherty kept the fans waiting and ultimately did not show up.
But not to worry, fans. The Sun says the promoter, one Justice of the Peace, has issued a warrant for Dohertys arrest and he WILL be in court soon.
See press for further details
Posted: 18th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Gordon Brown On Knives
CAN Gordon Brown slash knife crime?
Carrying a knife is totally unacceptable says Brown on the Sun’s cover.
Indeed, when dining with the worlds great and good, knives are supplied, so too spoons, forks and chopsticks (when in Rome, and all that).
Says Gordon: I recall being knifed at an Islington eatery many moons ago when
Posted: 18th, July 2008 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comment
Robert Murat Damages, McCanns Cleared And Bungling Cops
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann
ROBERT Murat has been awarded damages for being libelled by 11 British publications in the matter of Madeleine McCanns disappearance.
When they were libelled, Kate and Gerry McCann got a front-page wholehearted apology from the Daily Star and a donation. The Express did similar.
Today the papers treat the matter as follows:
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Posted: 18th, July 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (119)
Prince Charles Follows In Mandela’s Footsteps
NO sooner as Nelson Mandela shuffled off the Robben Island stage at Hyde Park then we get another celebrity birthday do.
The Express lets us know that a “host of showbiz names” are lining up to appear at Prince Charles’s 60th birthday bash.
What starzzzz is unsaid but don’t rule out a Spice Girl representing the world’s statesmen, the left overs of Queen and Sir Trevor McDonald. With a little foresight, Charles could have had a joint party with Nelson.
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Posted: 17th, July 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (5)
This Is A Knife: Tabloids Showcase Knife Crime
HOW to illustrate knife crime is the tabloids’ big debate.
Mostly, the tabs deal with the issue by publishing portrait shots of victims, their grief torn relatives and mughsots of the knifers looking smug or smirky.
But with no crime to report, the tabs need to keep the story alive. And they do so by showing readers what a knife looks like.
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Posted: 17th, July 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (5)
Summer Holidays With Cameron And Brown
CLASS war in the Mirror where hackette Julie McAffrey is given the task of visiting “posh” Padstow, Cornwall, and “sophisticated” Southwold, Suffolk, where, respectively, David Cameron and Gordon Brown and spending part of their summer holidays.
When he wasn’t prime minister, Brown was a regular visitor to Cape Cod in the US; now he’s in charge he stays in the UK, offering us no respite and him no rest.
(Picture: Beau Bo D’Or Website)
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Posted: 17th, July 2008 | In: Money, Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (5)
That Cristiano Transfer News In Full
THE story so far: Cristiano Ronaldo’s on–off–on–on transfer from Nereida Gallardo is occupying minds. Now read on.
Says the Star:
“But Cristiano proved his love to Nereida by snubbing Hollywood beauty Paris [Hilton]”
Says a source at a club in LA: “He just sipped vodka soda in the corner of the club”.
Says the Mirror:
“As the night wore on Ronaldo ordered more bottles of champagne before trying to dance.”
Nereida Gallardo has been “Dumped” in the Mirror…
More transfer news as it breaks…
Posted: 17th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment
Pole Jobs: Dancer Benefits From Robbie Williams And Declan Donnelly
“A POLE dancer who slept with Declan Donnelly and Robbie Williams has been exposed as a benefits cheat.”
So says the Daily Sport in a story that illustrates the country’s mores.
Readers now know that sleeping with TV presenter Declan Donnelly is on a par with sleeping with pop star Robbie Williams, and that pole dancing and pre-martial serial shagging are less shocking than claiming income support when in work.
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Posted: 17th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)
Paris Hilton Bids For Cristiano Ronaldo
MORE Cristiano Ronaldo transfer news as the Manchester United footballer fends off a late approach from Los Angles scout Paris Hilton.
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Posted: 17th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
