Tabloids Category
The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.
No Drowning In Ontario
BRITS are heading to Canada.
Says the Star.
Brits fed up with the credit crunch are being tempted to seek a new life in Canada. Fast-track visas are being offered to skilled workers ready to turn their back on the UK.
But be warned: once you’re there, there is no escape…
BY order:
Posted: 2nd, July 2008 | In: Photojournalism, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Gordon Smart Wastes Space With Amy Winehouse
THE SUN’S Gordon Smart – pink tie, light grey suit, white shirt, estate agent out – says he’s had enough of Amy Winehouse going on and on and on about her husband Blake Fielder-Civil.
“Zip it, Wino,” says the headline. She should “give us a Blake”.
i almost wished I was in Nelson Mandela’s old prison cell when she brought up her waste-of-space husband at Mandela’s 90th birthday gig on Friday
Blake is such a waste of space that Smart uses two pages to comment on just how big a waste of space Blake is.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 2nd, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (11)
One Of Our Plaques Is Missing
“LOWEST OF THE LOW,” says the Express. “Scrap metal gang steals plaques of our war dead.”
To Plymouth, where four bronze plaques have been wrenched from a naval memorial that features the names of men and women who gave their lives in the First and Second World Wars.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 2nd, July 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (6)
Hot Desking: Lee McQueen’s First Day With Alan Sugar
LEE McQueen has won The Apprentice and won the right to an office job in Brentwood. His first day report:
The Express:
Britain’s hottest say of the year so far led to a massive 20 per cent rise in ‘sickies’ yesterday
The Sun
Less pulls sickie on first day. Telly’s winning Apprentice Lee McQueen pulled a sickie yesterday – on his first day at work for new boss Sir Alan Sugar
You’re fried…
Posted: 2nd, July 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (2)
Outrage Over Mail’s Use Of Police Dog On Muslims
CONSIDER if you will the image used to advertise Tayside Police’s new non-emergency phone number.
Says the Mail’s headline: “Muslims outraged at police advert featuring cute puppy sitting in policeman’s hat.”
The dog is black. The phone is a creamy white. Read into it what you will. And wonder if Rebel, the featured beast, is best able, however good his training, to field phone calls in the manner of a more technical adept Lassie?
Says the Mail:
The advert has upset Muslims because dogs are considered ritually unclean and has sparked such anger that some shopkeepers in Dundee have refused to display the advert.
Or not. No shopkeeper has refused to put the picture of the dog in their private shop.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 2nd, July 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (14)
Big Brother: Dennis, Sylvia And Alex May Be Back
BIG Brother 9 Watch: Anorak’s looks at Big Brother news in the media…
BIG Brother’s “most hated”, the show within the show, starring Alexandra De Gale (pow!), Sylvia Barrie (hisss!) and Dennis McHugh (spit!) is to reach an epic climax.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 2nd, July 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
Madeleine McCann: Allison Pearson Demands And Fact Checking Kate And Gerry McCann
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann
Madeleine McCann is retuned to the front pages.
DAILY MAIL (front page): “ALLISON PEARSON ON THE McCANNS… If the Portuguese police had a shred of decency they would now make a public apology to Kate and Gerry”
Page 5: “Now clear out names”
Before the Mail’s columnist can voice an opinion – and what is the case of Madeleine McCann but one of opinion upon opinion – time to go over the fact that has been established in 14 months of reporting (a child is missing) and hear the McCann plead their innocence.
Oh, there is one other fact: the “McCanns are “both 40”. Remember that.
PEARSON: “The Maddie detectives must now apologise”
Now it seems the spectacularly incompetent Inspector Cluesnos are ready to admit they have no evidence against the McCanns
Yeah, those hapless amateurs. If only the Portuguese wooden tops were more like the British tabloid hacks who root their maybes in Portuguese press reports and hunches. What of Robert Murat?
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 2nd, July 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (2,625)
Dead Calm Birth: Nicole Kidman Flauts James Galway
THE new OK!-styled Daily Mail reports that Nicole Kidman is compiling a birthing CD for the occasion of the arrival of her first born.
And who is on the list? Why none other than himself, James Galway:
“Nicole has been putting together CDs of music to listen to during labour. She has always loved James Galway, particularly his classical albums. Whenever you go to her house, she has Galway on. There is one Prokofiev sonata that is her favourite.”
What joy is must be to live with Kidman, a bit like being stuck in a lift with a taller Anthea Tuner.
This is the Galway, who appeared on TV shows in the 70s and early 80s to remind the watching millions that not all bearded men were the Yorkshire Ripper and not all bearded Irishmen led the Provos.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 1st, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)
Italy And The Daily Mail’s War On Gypsies
OVER in Italy, Roberto Maroni, the country’s interior minister, plans to fingerprint all Romany children.
It’s a repugnant idea, but one the Mail wants its readers to think about and place in context.
“Is this proof Italy does need to crack down on gypsy immigrants?” asks the paper’s headline.
Readers see a picture of a pickpocket dipping into a victim’s bag. He is “probably a Roma”. Another picture of a young Artful Dodger at work and the Mail says that he and this other are “almost certainly the offspring of Roma gypsies”.
Anorak processes the pictures with its Comfi-Purge kit and taking into account the head measurements, the angle of gait and skin tones, identifies them as two half-black, Jewish dwarves with Islamic tendencies…
Posted: 1st, July 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (16)
My Glastonbury, By Fergus Shanahan
SAYS Fergus Shanahan in the Sun:
At Glastonbury 135,000 fans drank a Pacific ocean of booze and exchanged not a cross word with each other…. it proves again that in the debate over drink and yobbery, it is the person and not the potion that the problem”
Peace. Love. Drugs. Crime:
Crime at the Glastonbury Festival was up on last year, according to Avon and Somerset police.
There were 489 reported incidents, including drugs offences, compared to 263 in 2007…Police urged fans not to drink too much alcohol on Sunday night, so they would be fit to drive home on Monday
Glasto peace and love:
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 1st, July 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (6)
Euro 2008 With Adrian Chiles, Professional Football Fan
“THEY were coarse, noisy, excited and exuded a slight air of menace. That’s what football’s all about.”
So says BBC football presenter Adrian Chiles, writing in the Sun, on those Russian fans upholding the spirit of England.
This is Chiles “who loved Euro 2008 …despite the corporate circus”.
“The trouble with the tournament,” laments Chiles, from his airplane seat, “is that, the longer is goes on, the less it seems to be for proper football fans”. Corporate types in football. “Mad, mad, mad, mad,” says Chiles.
This is Chiles who writes for News International (part owner of the Australian National Rugby League, investor in the Premier League; former owner of the Los Angeles Dodgers; sometime stake holder Manchester United, Leeds, Chelsea, Sunderland and Manchester City).
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 1st, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Newcastle United Sack And Don’t Sack Joey Barton
FOOTBALLER Joey Barton has admitted a charge of assault occasioning actual bodily harm on former Manchester City teammate Ousmane Dabo. Barton is currently serving a six-month jail term for an attack while on bail in which he punched a man in Liverpool.
The Sun:
Soccer yobbo Joey Barton dodged a second jail term for thuggery yesterday – as Newscastle United finally gave him the boot… the £5.8million midfielder’s career in football “IS effectively over”.
The Mirror:
Joey Barton is ready to pick up his career with Newcastle and return in time for pre-season training – despite pleading guilty to assault yesterday for a second time… Toon manager Keegan is happy to have Barton back…”
Such are the facts…
Posted: 1st, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment
Liverpool Rings Bells For Fernando Torres
ENGLAND and Liverpool’s Euro 2008 hero Fernando Torres is having trouble at home. Says the Star:
Euro 2008 match-winner Fernando Torres has been keeping his neighbours up – because he can’t turn off his house alarm.
And he needs one.
Five Liverpool footballers have been burgled in the last 18 months in what appear to have been targeted robberies, it has emerged.
Plus Steven Gerrard, and his Wag-tastic wife Alex Curran. That’s no mere alarm, Fernando, it’s the sound of the city and acceptance…
Posted: 1st, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Big Brother’s Jennifer Clark Is Most Hated Woman On Planet
BIG Brother news on the Star, the “official Big Brother paper” is that Big Brother’s Jennifer Clark is “more hated” than Big Brother’s Alexandra de Gale, who was only just more hated than Big Brother’s Sylvia Barrie.
Says BB expert Robert Mugabe: “They will pay for their crimes against humanity and we will…”
Goes on for 11 more weeks…
Posted: 1st, July 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (12)
The Death Of Big Brother
BIG Brother 9 Watch: Anorak’s looks at Big Brother news in the media…
“BIG Brother This Is The End,” announces the Star on its cover.
Ladies and gentlemen, we give you, the death of Big Brother.
Says a BB source said: “This lot are out of control. There’s a real fear the show will not make it to the end of its run.” The fear felt among the Star’s hacks which make a living from the show is real.
But it can’t end like this, with Alex De Gale making idle threats and Dennis spitting. We demand real that threats are real and carried out to the letter.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 30th, June 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (3)
Celebrity Update: Shopping With Kerry Katona
CELEBRITY Quote of the Day: Shopping With Kerry Katona
The News of the World has an interview with Kerry Katona’s mum Sue:
And she was stealing, too. She took me along and showed me how to do it. She got lists off schoolfriends for things they wanted, then she’d pinch the stuff and sell it to them.
Mum’s gone to Iceland?
I’d have been spotted a mile off but Kerry was really innocent-looking. I remember going into Superdrug. I’d move the things I wanted, like toothpaste or toothbrushes, to the front of the shelf.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 29th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Euro 2008: England Expects The Usual Final
IT’S the morn of the final of Euro 2008 and the papers are celebrating in traditional fashion, as they must for every major football tournament:
STAR ON SUNDAY (front page): “WAG HOLIDAY SECRETS REVEALED”
OBSERVER (front page): “BRAVEHEART – MURRAY GOES THROUGH”
NEWS OF THE WORLD: David Beckham is smiling
Picture: Anorak’s live cam of Vienna ground staff preparing the pitch…
Posted: 29th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Tabloids | Comment
Spitting Mad With Big Brother’s Sylvia Barrie
BIG Brother 9 Watch: Anorak’s looks at Big Brother news in the media…
SYLVIA: MY STORY,” says the Star on Sunday in its weekly Big Brother tribute.
“I stand by BB spitter Dennis.”
But not in front of him…
Posted: 29th, June 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
The Mail On Sunday Guarantees Disappointment
IT’S Sunday and the paper are giving away stuff! Stuff! STUFF!!
The pick of the bunch is the Mail On Sunday’s offer of a FREE DAVID BOWIE CD FOR EVERY READER.
What’ll it be, sir, the Hang On To Yourself (live) (“The worst song ever” – Time Out), Time Will Crawl (“Possibly the worst film ever” – Geriatric Today) or Teenage Wildlife (“This has to be the worst film ever” – all papers)?
Buy now to ensure disappointment…
Posted: 29th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)
The Sunday Express Guarantees Disappointment
IT’S Sunday and the paper are giving away stuff! Stuff! STUFF!!
The pick of the bunch is the Sunday Express’s offer of a “FREE DAVID BOWIE MOVIE FOR EVERY READER.”
What’ll it be, sir, the Labyrinth (“The worst film ever” – Time Out), The Man Who Fell To Earth (“Possibly the worst film ever” – Geriatric Monthly) or The Prestige (“This has to be the worst film ever” – all papers)?
Buy now to ensure disappointment…
Posted: 29th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5)
Smoker Gets Stuck In Smoker Hole
DON’T smoke. A man has dropped his lighter in a hole and look what happened.
We should pelt him with rotten veg, and if he ate some it might so him some good. But better to laugh – point and laugh at the sorry smoker.
Says an onlooker in the Sun: “We were all stood around this unfortunate man in the hole having a right old laugh.”
As it correct and proper…
Posted: 28th, June 2008 | In: Strange But True, Tabloids | Comment
Queen Gets Into Bed With Ronald McDonald
NEWS in the Sun that Her Majesty the Queen has been mingling with a clown-like ginger-haired person in Slough.
No, not Sarah Ferguson, who’s in Hull.
In “BURGER QUEEN – She owns McDonald’s”, Sun readers are invited to get over the paper calling the head of state “She” and focus on the fact that the Queen has her own drive-through eatery.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 28th, June 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comment
Madeleine McCann: Tabloid Bingo With Ginny Dougary And Irvine Welsh
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann
Madeleine McCann has become the benchmark for all mention of paedos and missing children in fact and fiction. After Ben Affleck’s film, the press now has a book by Irvine Welsh to conjure with.
THE TIMES: “The gentrification of Irvine Welsh”, by Ginny Dougary
This whole subject (including the blame-the-mother syndrome) is discomfitingly topical – from Portugal, with the vanishing of Madeleine McCann, to Goa (the murder of 15-year-old Scarlett Keeling) and the ongoing morbid fascination with the Austrian captivity cases of Natascha Kampusch and Elisabeth Fritzl.
It’s Tabloid Bingo! in the tabloid Times…
Posted: 28th, June 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (262)
Big Brother 9: Dennis McHugh Gobs Off Mohamed And The CPF
BIG Brother 9 Watch: Anorak’s looks at Big Brother news in the media…
FAREWELL DENNIS McHugh, Big Brother’s resident gay who spat in the face of Mohamed, the house’s resident Muslim.
“BIG BROTHER SPITTING STORM,” screams the Mirror from its front page. “Police probe as another contestant is pulled out of house.”
“COPS CALLED IN OVER BB FIGHT,” echoes the Star on its cover, this one illustrated by a shot of the orangey-skinned un-gorgeous Scot Dennis with mouth akimbo.
Who cannot feel for the police forced to sit through hours of Big Brother CCTV, working out who said who to who to who to who to who?
It’s not as if these housemates are celebrities yet.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 28th, June 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (2)
Big BRother 9: Why Don’t You Without The Sex
BIG Brother 9 Watch: Anorak’s looks at Big Brother news in the media…
BIG Brother 9 viewers may recall the TV show Why Don’t You, which with no trace of irony encouraged viewers to go outside and “do something less boring instead”.
Those that listened and did as commanded went outside and now work in B&Q. Those that stayed indoors and loafed on the sofa are wearing a vest on national TV.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 27th, June 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (2)
