Tabloids Category
The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.
Madeleine McCann: Speculation As Fact, Newspapers Speak With One Voice And OAP Dead
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann
The newspapers continue to rely on press releases and Gerry McCann’s blog for their investigation into the disappearance of Madeleine McCann.
THE SUN: “Maddie police files to open”
KATE and Gerry McCann will soon have access to police files covering the search for missing daughter Maddie
This is presented as a fact.
Says the McCanns’ spokesman Clarence Mitchell: “We’ve heard nothing officially, but if it’s true judicial secrecy has been lifted we welcome it.”
So how does the Sun know about the police files?
THE STAR: “MADDIE COPS TO SHOW MCCANNS EVIDENCE”
Gerry and Kate McCann will be given full access to confidential case files, Portugal’s top law officer revealed yesterday.
Portugal’s top legal eagle told them? But how does the Star know?
DAILY MAIL: “MCCANNS TO FINALLY FIND OUT ‘EVIDENCE’ MADELEINE POLICE HAVE AGAINST THEM”
Attorney general Fernando Jose Pinto Monteiro told daily newspaper 24 Horas: “From July, the (Madeleine) case will cease to be covered by judicial secrecy, and will be available to consultation by all parties involved. I do not know which date, but in July the case ceases to be covered by judicial secrecy.”
That’s right – this latest McCann story is rooted in an opinion voiced in a Portuguese newspaper.
Says the Mail: “24 Horas speculated the judicial secrecy will end on July 14 – more than 10 months after the couple were named suspects.”
Speculated? But what of the facts? Well, here they are:
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 18th, June 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (478)
Chris Martin And Coldplay Are New Labour’s Poppins
CHRIS Martin, front man of the Coldplay – the sound of new Labour – is talking to the Sun’s Gordon Smart:
“We grew up with Mary Poppins and all those sort of things,” says Martin.
Smart says the film supernanny is the “inspiration for the band’s spectacular concerts”.
Come see the middle-aged fans arriving in youthful-like high spirits. Come see the fans sat in neat orderly lines, taking their medicine and imbibing something sweet. Come see the fans having a jolly time and making it home for tea and scones and beddingtons.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 17th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (10)
Big Brother’s Alexandra de Gale’s I-slams Mohamed
BIG Brother 9 Watch: Anorak’s looks at Big Brother news in the media…
BIG Brother’s bully elect, Alexandra da Gale, is on the cover of bother the Star and Sun.
“New race row explodes as bitch faces axe.”
No, not a race row following yesterday’s tabloid exclusive that Alex is less popular than the Black Death, but one triggered by “BB ALEX’S MUSLIM RANT”, says the Star.
Want to hear the rant? Send grandma from the room and turn down the brightness on your set:
Says Alex to Mohamed, her fellow housemate:
“Because you are Muslim, you look down on us.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 17th, June 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (16)
Celebrity News Of The Day: Pete Doherty’s Petrol Crisis
THE petrol cisris is gripping Britain.
“PETROL CRISIS GETS EVEN WORSE,” says the Express on its front apge. This is the crisisiest petrol crisis ever.
Just how bad it is is can be found in the Star where news is that Pete Doherty can’t afford to fill up his car.
Says Doherty, by way of a speech bubble: “It’s cheaper to buy smack.”
You’re on, Pete. Crisis, what crisizzzzzzzzzzzz
Posted: 17th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money, Tabloids | Comments (8)
Madeleine McCann: Relocated To The Royal Court
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann
THE TIMES: Relocated at the Royal Court Theatre Upstairs, London SW1
Yesterday, the Telegraph’s Charles Spencer reviewed the play Relocated and thought of Madeleine McCann, the Soham murders and Josef Fritzl. He left out Shannon Matthews. Can the Times’ Sam Marlow do better at Tabloid Bingo!?
Anthony Neilson’s new play, written during the rehearsal period and finished just days before its opening, is claustrophobic and clotted with menace. It’s performed, in the author’s horribly compelling production, behind a black gauze, which turns from opaque to transparent with lighting changes.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 17th, June 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (219)
Euro2008: Those Results In Full
IT’S Gazza2008 and the papers are going cray-zee for footy.
Next season’s Premier League football fixtures are in and so too are the scores:
Daily Mirror 8 pages – Sun 3 pages.
Daily Star 4 pages – Daily Express 4 pages
Says “tormented “Paul Gascoigne in the Mirror: “I’M SORRY I BEAT YOU – tearful Gazza tells ex of guilt.”
Such is his sportsmanship, which is sorely lacking on today’s modern footballers…
Posted: 17th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Daily Mirror And Moves To Ban Alcohol For Under 21s
“SHOULD it be illegal for under-12s to buy booze?” asks the Mirror.
“YES,” says Theresa Cave, a woman whose son was stabbed to death by a drunk.
“NO,” says Frank Sodeen, head of public affairs alcohol concern, whose son has not been stabbed to death by a drunk.
The Mirror says the Scottish government is set to announce a ban on under 21s buying alcohol in shops. So no matter what Theresa or Frank think, Scottish politicos know best.
And we should support their decision. The facts are awful. Did you know that 8,072 teenage drinkers were admitted to hospital last year.
Shocking stuff, even for the Mirror which forgets to note that not all teens buy their alcopops from the offie.
The Guardian reports that a 28-year-old journalist, understood to have been working for local news agency South West News Service on a piece for the Daily Mirror, “has been cautioned by police for supplying 16-year-olds with cider and alcopops during a photoshoot in Gloucestershire for an underage drinking campaign”.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 17th, June 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (13)
Duckling Saved From Sewer, Horse Remains Stuck
WRITES the Mail: “Six ducklings rescued from sewer after mother followed them for two miles and raised alarm.”
Drama:
Trapped beneath the surface in a dark sewer, six little ducklings found themselves cut off and facing a distinctly uncertain future.
Their only hope of ever seeing daylight again lay with their mother who they had last seen two miles away as they were sucked into a drain…
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 16th, June 2008 | In: Strange But True, Tabloids | Comments (3)
London Heils New German Cabs
TAXI!
No, not that one mate, I would not be seen dead in your cab. No, stop with your pleading. Yes, yes, you’ll take me and a black–faced friend of my choosing anywhere, and you are a bona fide cabbie, even though you have a satnav on the dashboard.
Anorak is getting into a different cab. Choice is all and Anorak is choosing to take the new taxi, the one produced by Germany’s Mercedes corporation. Indeed, one world cup and two world wars, but no tip, sir, not today.
The Vito Traveliner is a six-seater people carrier, reports the Evening Standard. It has that has been adapted in this country to achieve the 25-ft turning circle demanded by the Carriage Office for licensed cabs. German drivers are thus able to drive tourists about in circles as effectively as their Cockney rivals.
Here’s one now. Let’s heil it (geddit?)
Cor, luvvus, guv’nor. Those Croatian taught us right royal lesson. And to fink they were out allies in war and all.
Bastards!
I had that Martin Borman in the back of me cab once, lovely fella.
Continues until hell freezes over, or we reach Dollis Hill…
Posted: 16th, June 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (4)
Paul Burrell: I Didn’t Shag Diana
FOLLOWING the book Paul Burrell: I Shagged Diana comes Paul Burrell: I Didn’t Shag Diana.
Says Burrell in the Star:
“Anyone who knows me, who knew the princess and understands the boundaries and decencies of royal service, as well as the integrity and trust which exist within our working relationship at Kensington Palace, will know just how fanciful, distasteful and malicious these claims truly are.”
Read Paul Burrell: My Integrity, Trust & Decency in paper back, hardback and bareback.
As Burrell brother-in-law Ron Cosgrove puts it:
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 16th, June 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (14)
Carol Vorderman’s Pride Of And In Britain
PROUD Of You – Anorak’s look at celebrity mentions of how proud they are of us…
“WHO’S your pride of Britain?” asks the Mirror on its front page.
The accompanying image shows TV sums queen Carol Vorderman holding a silver winged angle stood on a still beating butterfly heart stuffed inside a wooden casing.
Anorak considers the options and concludes: question asked, questions answered.
Hats off to you, Carol…
Posted: 16th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5)
Peter Wilby On The Death Of Newspaper Columnists
DO newspaper columnists know anything more than an expert? Anorak is called the Anorak for a reason – we know nothign but can learn:
Is it possible that British readers – or, rather, editors, who take great pride in their columnists and sometimes pay them extravagant sums – will soon tire of all this opinion? Speaking last week at a panel on the future of journalism, the Guardian columnist Ben Goldacre suggested readers want to hear more from “people who actually know about stuff”. Instead of star writers giving their opinions, he said, journalism needed “more editors helping … experts in their field to produce something that is understandable”.
Source – get this – Peter Wilby
Posted: 16th, June 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Tabloids | Comment
Wishing Black Death On Alexandra De Gale
BIG Brother 9 Watch: Anorak’s looks at Big Brother news in the media…
BIG BROTHER’S Alexandra da Gale is now as “POPULAR AS THE PLAGUE”.
No, not the plague of reality TV contestants that infiltrate our telly and news organs – Alex is as popular as the Black Death.
A spokesman for Ladbrokes, which has Alex at 125-1 to win Big Brother, says: “Alex is about as popular as the plague with punters.”
Get a free bet hereTouchy and demonised Alex is black. She is now the tabloids’ Black Death. There may be room for a race row here, and the Sun must surely hope there is.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 16th, June 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (2)
Euro 2008: With The Tabloid Nazi Hunters In Austria
OTHER than football, paedos and telly, the tabloids’ next favourite story is of Nazis.
True enough the Taliban hold away, being as they are the modern equivalent of the German mob. But while they can create the “Talibin” rubbish police, Nazis give tabloids so much for flexibility and scope: Bin Nazis; Traffic Nazis, Page 3 Nazis and so on.
Today the Sun leads with: “We find wanted Nazi at Euro 2008.”
That old man is Milivoj Asner, “no ordinary supporter welcoming his national side Croatia to his adopted Austrian town”.
Finding an old Nazi in Austria is just matter of pointing at any local who looks to be in their 80s or older and screaming “Der weiße Engel”.
But the Sun thinks it has got its man – the man who lives under the cunning alias of Dr Georg Aschner in the Croatian part of Klagenfurt. He’s the man one local says is “an SS man”. He’s the man the police and Nazi hunters know lives there but the Austrians say is too poorly to stand trial.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 16th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Madeleine McCann: EastEnders Reacts, Evil GP And Relocated
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann
The newspapers’ hunt for Madeleine McCann has passed. The missing child now serves as a point of reference for anyone looking to add realism to a work of fiction:
PEOPLE: “I’m having a BLAST in EastEnders – EXCLUSIVE As evil GP Mad May is back to terrorise Walford actress Amanda Drew lifts lid on her return”
Eastenders’ “Mad May” is one of the most sinister psychos to grace Walford. The evil GP vanished last year after trying to steal her love rival’s baby.
A female doctor, like Kate McCann?
In an exclusive chat with The People, Amanda, 38, talks about being single, her friendship with Catherine Tate and why she was relieved when scriptwriters changed her storylines at the time Madeleine McCann went missing.
Firth things first:
Q When you left last year your storylines were rewritten because it was too similar to the Madeleine McCann disappearance.
How did you feel about it?
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 16th, June 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (273)
Commons Speaker Michael Martin’s Cleaner Gets MBE
THE Mail reports that Commons Speaker Michael Martin “came under fresh fire last night after his cleaner – who was involved in a row over his wife’s taxi expenses – was given an MBE in the Queen’s Birthday Honours.
Gloria Hawkes, 64, a friend of Mary Martin, was caught up in the controversy earlier this year over a £4,139 taxi bill run up by Mrs Martin.
Mrs Hawkes’s discretion and loyalty were singled out in an official citation accompanying the announcement of her honour for community service yesterday.”
Martin’s a big man. You’d want a medal for cleaning up after him…
Posted: 15th, June 2008 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (2)
BBC Think Tank Fish Tank Looks Into Viewer Habits
IN “Cost-cutting BBC spends thousands – on a fish tank”, the Mail says BBC “bosses are spending thousands of pounds a year on maintaining a fish tank”.
Anorak recalls the man who on being nabbed for non payment of his TV licence offered the excuse: “That’s not a TV, it’s a fish tank.”
Might this BBC’s tank be part of an investigation into viewer habits – can you spot the difference between the daily goings on in a fishtank and, say, two episodes of EastEnders, a month’s worth of Question Time or anything on BBC 3?
Is TV just something viewers put on to stare at, and if the BBC replaced its Breakfast show with a fish would anyone mind, let alone mind that the presenters had been replaced by two fat–lipped pouting cod?
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 15th, June 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (5)
Madeleine McCann And Lenore Skenazy’s Son
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann
NY Sun columnist Lenore Skenazy allows her nine-year-old to walk about New York on his own. In that paper, she tells us:
I trusted him to figure out that he should take the Lexington Avenue subway down, and the 34th Street crosstown bus home. If he couldn’t do that, I trusted him to ask a stranger. And then I even trusted that stranger not to think, “Gee, I was about to catch my train home, but now I think I’ll abduct this adorable child instead.” Long story short: My son got home, ecstatic with independence.
SUNDAY MAIL: “So Would You Let Your Nine-Year-Old Travel Home Solo In City Rush Hour?”
To Glasgow, where the paper is investigating is this is wrong or not so wrong?
SCOTS psychologist Ros Taylor insists Lenore did nothing wrong – and “we should all be preparing our kids to become independent adults”. You can trust the word of a sports psychologist.
“We all think about Madeleine McCann and hear of kids being locked in a basement for years. But they’re actually at greater risk of being in a car accident – yet we insist on driving them everywhere.”
McCann and Fritzl. It’s Tabloid Bingo.
And cars are dangerous. Cars are paedos on wheels with leatherette interiors. And let’s not get started on paedos in cars…
Posted: 15th, June 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (172)
S And M: Paul Burrell And Sex With Princess Diana
“PAUL BURRELL: ‘I HAD SEX WITH DIANA,” screams the News of the World’s front-page shocker. And we wonder if the Rock has sunk to a new low? Loyal servants pine for their lost masters but Diana is dead and this… This is sick.
This is the “sick boast exposed by his wife’s brother”, says the paper. Know that “disgraced royal butler Paul Burrell has plumbed shocking new depths of treachery, with vile boasts that he secretly BEDDED Princess Diana.”
Better in secret than atop of fourth plinth of Trafalgar square, so allowing Dian’s other sexual conquests to pass by and apprise the efforts in a live TV spectacular.
But still, it’s a shock that Burrell is a grave robber. How much worse can it get?
The slimy flunky bragged to his wife’s brother Ron Cosgrove that he was on call for sex 24/7. Ron told us: “Burrell said Diana was so demanding. And he told me he’d caught the Queen naked.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 15th, June 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (20)
The Crisis In British Journalism
WRITES Jonathan Foreman:
British newspaper writing is famously more vigorous and readable than its American equivalent. But this comes at a price: there’s a good chance that anything you read in a British newspaper isn’t true.
When I worked as a leader writer for an American paper I was embarrassed when I was told that it was official policy not to trust any item in any British paper except the FT. American journalists work within a stringent code of ethics. If a journalist for a major paper or TV network is found to have run a false story — perhaps because it was “too good to check” — then his or her career is generally over. In Britain, getting caught telling or repeating a lie is much less serious than cheating on expenses. This is especially true in the world of foreign reporting.
Posted: 14th, June 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)
Newspaper Reaction To David Davis
HOW the newspapers view David Davis’ stance on 42 days, by The Croydonian:
The Sun – “HAS David Davis gone stark raving mad? How else can we explain his silly act of self-styled martyrdom?…This was no noble cause. It was a shabby act of treachery. Mr Davis, a second-rate but ferociously ambitious politician, has not forgiven his rival for thrashing him in the Tory leadership race two years ago“. So the hotline from No 10 to Nws Group still works.
The Mirror – “This brave gamble by a popular politician from a humble background will make him a hero to many and establish him as rival for the Tory crown“. They must really hate / fear Cameron.
Express – No leader comment that I can find. Doubtless there are some micro celebrities in need of attention
Mail – No leader comment that I can find. Quentin Letts likes DD though.
Guardian – “He is right on ID cards, but only on the basis of an excessively sweeping mistrust of the state. The liberty he is concerned with is, almost exclusively, liberty from official interference. There is little place in this conception for freedom from destitution, for example, which only the state can provide“. (C sticks his tongue into his lower lip and makes ‘stupid’ noises)
Independent – “we agree wholeheartedly with the trenchant opposition of the MP for Haltemprice and Howden to “the slow strangulation of fundamental British freedoms” that has taken place in recent years“. Crikey.
Times – No leader comment. A dull item by Riddell I could not face.
Telegraph – Mixed, but finishes ‘Mr Davis’s resignation may have been reckless, misguided and highly disconcerting for the political establishment – but, driven by principle, it is none the less laudable for that’. If they had got it wrong I would be cancelling it today.
FT.com – “On the substance of these issues Mr Davis has right on his side. Pre-charge detention of up to 42 days remains unjustified: this was apparent all over again in Wednesday’s debate. Similarly, the case for curtailing personal freedoms to introduce ID cards has simply not been made. Too many civil liberties have already been taken away“.
David Davis – at last someone is doing something interesting in politics…
Posted: 14th, June 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Those Newspaper Freebies Unwrapped
REASONS why you should buy a newspaper: No. 1 – because they give you “free” things you really want:
A look at today’s offers:
DAILY TELEGRAPH: “FREE INSIDE – How To Photograph Absolutely Everything”
Take photos of the Loch Ness Monster, Osama bin Laden and the dark side of the moon – guaranteed!
DAILY MAIL: “FREE INSIDE – Michael Caine DVD.” It’s the Whistle Blower. Heard of it? for those of you that haven’t, a look at the imdb tells us:
Some time ago I bought this movie for just 3 euro’s. This low price was probably already a secret sign saying: ‘Don’t buy this one boy…!!’ But still, Michael Caine starred in it..a respectable actor…I gave it a try.
I put it in the DVD player and pushed the play button…This movie has no story, no goal, no suspense , no action, just nothing. Just meaningless dialogues and strange people. Now I am a nice and positive guy but this film really has to be one of the lousiest movies EVER made.
A FREE JAM JAR COASTER FOR EVERY READER
DAILY EXPRESS: “FREE 10 Pack Of Summer Bedding Plants” and “FREE 10 CC”
A syringe of heroin made from your poppy bedding plants?
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 14th, June 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Madeleine McCann: An Exclusive Warning
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann
AFTER months of the McCanns story is the media growing cynical?
This the headline in today’s Mirror:
McCanns’ new Euro MPs plea – EXCLUSIVE WARNING
Look out – here they come…
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 14th, June 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (266)
Learning To Hate Big Brother’s Alexandra de Gale
BIG Brother 9 Watch: Anorak’s looks at Big Brother news in the media…
WHAT does it matter that Osama bin Laden has not been caught and the Germans are playing football without us when we can all rally round and learn to hate Big Brother’s Alex De Gale?
Today’s chance to loathe Alex comes once again in the Mirror, where we lean that she “bullied girls at her old job”.
Talking about Alex’s time in Thomson Directories telesales in Purley, Surrey, Jake Homatas tells the paper: “She made a lot of enemies. She bullied girls or people who can’t carry themselves in conversation. She thrives on intimidation and ran over them verbally.”
Alex’s conversation technique is to affect an air of extreme touchiness and then bang on and on that you breaving her air is a violaytion of her personable spayce. Anyone seeking a right to reply or run is brought up short by Alex’s verbal tic of creating new words.
She is less the product of , as she claims, than someone who has been preparing for Big Brother by listening to the collected thoughts of John Prescott.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 14th, June 2008 | In: Politicians, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (4)
Swear It Again: Wayne Rooney Serenades Coleen
WAYNE Rooney is spending another summer leading the celebrity frontline, scoring a magazine deal and taking the silverware, gold forks, taffeta, electric toaster and plutonium lapdance pole (thanks, Rio).
And hark, you can hear him singing his victory songs via the Mirror’s front page, where “WAYNE TUNEY” is joining Westlife in a “romantic serenade to wife Coleen”.
Anorak was going to leaf through the Westlife back catalogue, and then we saw this:
He stunned guests and the four band members by joining them for a note-perfect rendition of their hit Swear It Again.
Sing along if you know the words. Take her away, Wayne…
By Jesus swore Rooney, I f*** it so well,
I think I’ll get up and I’ll **** it again,
So Paddy got up and he ****** it again,
Over and over and over again…
Repeat til police are called…
Posted: 14th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
