Tabloids Category
The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.
Ronaldo’s Scrubbers Leave Stain
HEADLINE of the day: “Ronaldo: Trannies left stain that will never go away.”
Says Ronaldo of his dalliance with three transvestite prostitutes:
“I cried a lot afterwards…Behind the personality I carry, I’m a normal person and have my weaknesses. Now I have to reconstruct everything. It’s like a house knocked down by a hurricane.”
Or a nasty stain that needs a good scrub…
Posted: 6th, May 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (5)
Amy Winehouse’s Long Walk To Freedom: Blake’s Mandela Love Rival
GREAT to see Amy Winehouse back in the news after a too long period of reflection. And good to know that her jailed husband, Blake, is looking forward to life after bars.
Sad to say it is less than likely that Amy and Blake will be putting in an appearance on All Star Mr & Mrs, at least not together, as the Sun reports that Blake is to leave Winehouse for a mystery blonde.
Here’s Blake telling his lover: “Just say the world and I’ll dump Amy. I love you more than I could ever love my wife. You’re all that matters to me.”
The identity of this lover is not given, but knowing how Blake is in jail one wonders who it can be, or what? Prison can do strange things to a man, especially one who has been linked to drugs and their imbibing.
The Anorak recalls that scene in Castaway when Tom Hanks finds a lover in the shape of a football with a face drawn on it. Might Blake’s blonde be a broom stick, which for a time resembled Winehouse until the mind began to whirr with stories of her alleged infidelity and was replaced by a mop head?
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 6th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Hot Air: Richard Littlejohn V Polly Tonybee
RICHARD Littlejohn versue “pet” Polly Tonybee on the BBC.
Is there a third way?
Posted: 5th, May 2008 | In: Money, Politicians, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (11)
Prince Harry’s Medal And Uncle Eddie’s Red Alert
PRINCE Harry’s Ronald McDonald Army has done for the enemy, and rightly their eponymous leader is hailed a hero and given a medal.
The Mail looks on as Harry is met by his aunt the Princess Royal. Having faced down al-Qaeda, Harry stands firm as aunty approaches brandishing a medal on a pin.
Anne is seen to chat with her nephew for around 30 seconds. Having commended Harry on not giving into fashion and sticking with one signature look, Princess Anne is seen to smile .
What does she know?
The Mail says that the Prince’s tour to Afghanistan was made possible only by an “unprecedented voluntary media blackout and a level of secrecy which left even some of the country’s most senior generals totally unaware that he was there”.
Those of you have seen Prince Edward’s career to date will take issue with the Mail’s use of the word “unprecedented”.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 5th, May 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Nuclear Holocaust: Russians Would Not Bomb Wales
THE Mail is making preparations for Armageddon, as ever it should.
It has seen a report from the Defence Plans Division, released by the National Archives, and what the Government of 1955 “assumed” would happen in the first two weeks of a nuclear war.
“The tea position would be very serious,” notes one civil servant. “With a loss of 75 per cent of stocks and substantial delays in imports and with a system of rationing, it would be wrong to consider that even 1oz per head per week (enough for about 12 cups) could be ensured.”
To the Mail the tea shortage is headline news. But surely the bigger story is what the Russians deem worthy of annihilation, and if the plan takes into account a post-apocalyptic Britain, and which places the invading Russians would feel most at home in.
The top five targets of the Soviets were London, Birmingham, Merseyside, Manchester and Clydeside.
In addition, 14 less powerful atom bombs, “similar to the one dropped on Nagasaki at the end of the Second World War”, were to fall on Tyneside, Teeside, Leeds, Sheffield, Hull, Derby, Southampton, Portsmouth, Bristol, Plymouth, Cardiff, Coventry, Belfast and Purfleet in Essex.
Indeed, dear reader, Red Russians hell bent on destroying all that is good/bad in Britain deemed Wales worthy of saving.
Or else, not worth a bomb?
Posted: 5th, May 2008 | In: Strange But True, Tabloids | Comments (17)
Madeleine McCann: Antoinette McGuckin, Drunk Parents In Portugal And Three Maddies
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann
DAILY MIRROR: “DRUNK HOLIDAY BRITS’ CHILDREN TAKEN INTO CARE”
A British couple on holiday in Portugal got so drunk their three children were taken into care. Hotel staff called the authorities when the pair seemed unable to look after the two boys, aged six and one, and a girl of two.
Bit judgemental?
Sources said the parents came back in a “drunken stupor” from a “euro-apint” bar in Vilamoura.
But what has it to do with Madeleine McCann?
The town is a 45-minute drive from Praia da Luz, where Madeleine McCann vanished a year ago.
DAILY EXPRESS: “DRUNKEN HOLIDAY BRITONS HAVE CHILDREN PUT IN CARE”
The alleged incident took place on Friday evening at the Mourabel Apartments in the resort of Vilamoura, 40 miles away from where Madeleine McCann disappeared last May.
THE HERALD: “British children taken into custody in Portugal as parents too drunk”
Hotel staff in Vilamoura, in the Algarve, called police after Eamon McGuckin, 34, and his wife Antoinette, 32, collapsed while on holiday on Friday night. The couple, believed to be from Magherafelt, Northern Ireland, were taken to a health centre in nearby Loule while their children, one-year-old Adam, two-year-old Amy and Aaron, six, were taken to the Refugio Aboim Ascensao children’s home in Faro.
Allegedly, of course. It’s shocking. And worse:
The incident happened on the eve of the first anniversary of the disappearance of Madeleine McCann, who went missing from her family’s Algarve holiday flat while her parents dined nearby.
DAILY MAIL: “Three British children taken into care after parents ‘drank themselves into a stupor’ on Algarve holiday”
The manager of the Mourabel hotel in Vilamoura, where the family were staying, said: “Fortunately the children were safe – otherwise it might have been not one Maddie, but three Maddies.”
THE SCOTSMAN: “Family in care after parents collapse drunk”
The incident happened on the eve of the first anniversary of the disappearance of Madeleine McCann, who went missing from her family’s Algarve holiday flat while her parents dined nearby. Referring to the McCann case, Dr Villas-Boas said: “The press were not around – they were very fortunate in that there was very heavy news from Great Britain that day.”
THE SUN: “McCanns in legal boost”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 5th, May 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (621)
Peaches Geldof Digs Deep To Continue Bob Geldof’s Work
“PEACHES: YOU WILL DIE LIKE YOUR MUM.”
The Star’s front-page juice is that Peaches Geldof might have been getting stoned and needs to can it or she will fall from the family tree like her fruity mum Paula Yates.
Indeed, dear reader, who cannot read the Star’s front-page headline and wonder: But where’s the pun?
It’s much the same on the Mail’s cover where its readers learn: “Police to question Peaches on ‘drug deal’ film.”
No pun, although Mail readers may wonder if modern life really has turned into a Clockwork Orange, albeit with fuzz-faced Stoned Peaches running amuck.
The Mirror continues the Dadaist theme by saying how “Peaches will be grilled by detectives”. What has become of a country where coppers go to work on toasted Peaches and not eggs or the more traditional kidneys, liver and backs of legs?
“Peaches doing her drug deal,” says the Sun, shocked out of a pun but pragmatic enough to transcribe the incredible talking Peaches.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 5th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Tony Blair Buys New Labour Theme Park
TONY and Cherie Blair have purchased the former home of the late actor Sir John Gielgud.
The South Pavilion in Wotton Underwood, Buckinghamshire, is the Blairs’ sixth residence.
A Mr Mark Rimell, a director of country house sales for Strutt and Parker, which marketed the property after Sir John’s death there in May 2000, tells the Mail on Sunday:
“When I first viewed the property, Sir John Gielgud’s Oscar was still sitting on the windowsill in the bathroom.
“The house even had its own stage, but overall it was looking somewhat tired.”
It’s a fitting sixth home for the Blairs, especially since Mr Rimmell says the home suffers from a lack of privacy: “You can be standing in one of the public rooms of Wotton House and get a clear view of the whole garden and some of the interior of South Pavilion.”
What good a pile if the plebs can’t see the common man of the people standing in it? It’s what socialism is all about.
But what will the Blairs do with the house when they’re not in residence? Will it pay for itself?
The smart money is on Blair Towers, the New Labour theme park with:
John Prescott Croquet Lawn
John Prescott Merry Go Round – drive a peddle-powered jag around a desk and see if you can catch woman dressed as a leather KitKat
Cherie Blair Supermarket Sweep & Grabber
Jo Moore’s Burial Mound – a roller-coaster ride shaped like the Twin Towers…
* Gain free entry into the Blair holiday village by being Cliff Richard.
And many more…
Posted: 4th, May 2008 | In: Money, Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (13)
Having Faith: Primary School Dominatrix
IN “Miss gets strict with PVC punters”, the News of the World says “Primary schoolteacher Faith Hamilton is a secret dominatrix”.
Or she was until her secret was blown apart by the tabloid press, which operates as a de facto advertising service for such thing.
“Faith Hamilton – Dominatrix” is now Faith Hamilton – Dominatrix as seen in the NOTW!” If Hamilton can offer a few words on discipine in today’s education system she has a big future ahead of her.
Says a “pal”: “She’s a big girl who is up for anything and perfect for these kind of spanking orgies.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 4th, May 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (25)
Celebrity Police Update: Amy Winehouse And Peaches Geldof On Drugs Tape
MORE celebrity policing by the News of the World as it says “POLICE are to quiz Sir Bob Geldof’s daughter Peaches after she was filmed buying DRUGS from Amy Winehouse’s alleged dealer.”
The paper says police seized a video from Jonny Blagrove and Cara Burton “as part of their investigation into what police suspect is a celebrity drugs empire run by the pair”.
For the (video) tape there are, reportedly, images of Amy Winehouse taking crack cocaine, and Peaches “handing a drugs pusher up to £190” and her offering the line: “I’m going to need Valium tomorrow after this.”
No problem, surely. We imagine that a Celebrity Drugs Empire marches on its Columbian powered and recuperates on some prescription drugs.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 4th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
News Of The World Journalism Course
PHWOARR! Wot a corker: News of the World scholarship
The News of the World is delighted to announce its 2008 Graduate Scholarship in journalism.
My graduate tabloid shame…
Posted: 4th, May 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)
Madeleine McCann: ‘Pray Like Mad’, Seeing The Light And McCanns’ ‘Cleared’
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCannTHE OBSERVER (front page): “One year on, Kate McCann’s please: ‘Please stay with us. Pray like mad.’”
DAILY MIRROR (front page): “MADDIE: KATE’S PLEA: ‘KEEP WITH US..KEEP PRAYING’”
MAIL ON SUNDAY: “Kate McCann’s pulpit plea: stay with us and pray like mad”
The McCanns’ spokesman Clarence Mitchell said: “It’s an intensely private and very difficult day for them.”
SUNDAY PEOPLE: “’PUBLIC KEEP US STRONG’ – MISSING FOR A YEAR: BRITAIN, PORTUGAL AND WORLD UNITED IN HOPE”
The world unites.
“LIGHT HER WAY HOME – MISSING FOR A YEAR: BRITAIN, PORTUGAL AND WORLD UNITED IN HOPE ‘You are a light that shines in the darkest times. Guide all who search for Madeleine’ – By Rachael Bletchley In Praia Da Luz”
The sunrise over Praia da Luz was as beautiful as ever yesterday. A warm, orange glow spread up from the horizon then burst into the dazzling rays that give the resort its name – Beach of Light.
A rosy-fingered dawn…
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 4th, May 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (101)
Fritzl Watch: Josef Fritzl’s Hitler Youth, Running Of the Jews And Burgenland Bombs
FRITZL Watch: Anorak’s look at Josef Fritzl, Elisabeth Fritzl, Nazis and assorted Frtizls in the news
THE SUN (front page): “Dungeon kids are suffering like POWs”
Do mention the war.
DAILY RECORD: “JOSEF Fritzl’s cellar children are afraid of the colour blue, rustling leaves and noisy traffic after spending their entire lives underground.”
Zees are ein few of zeer (least) favourite things. Blue? Surely brown, black and feldgrau?
THE GUARDIAN: “How many more of our missing are stuck in some underground prison?”
There’s also the curious case of a town mayor poisoned by a praline filled with strychnine, and the case of Franz Fuchs, a neo-nazi who hid bombs in bilingual schools and blew up four Roma from the Burgenland region in 1995.
Initially, it might look as if there is no common basis to these cases, beyond the first two. But these crimes reveal much about Austrian society.
Just when you thought it vas safe to go into ze woods…
Austrians are worried that on their next holiday, someone might ask them if everyone in Austria has sex with relatives. They feel guilty – something they didn’t do after the last war nor after the Burgenland bombs.
THE INDEPENDENT: “Josef Fritzl: The making of a monster”
Fritzl was born in 1935 and would have been four years old at the start of the Second World War. It was not clear whether he lost his father during the war, but, when the war ended, he would, as a nine-year-old, have experienced first hand the invasion of Austria by the Soviet Red Army in 1945. Reports in the Austrian media have claimed that as a child he “suffered badly” during this post-war occupation which was notorious for the high incidence of rape perpetrated by Russian soldiers on civilian German and Austrian women.
The haus ist ein pill box:
However the back of the house which was extended out to include Fritzl’s notorious cellar, looks not unlike the kind of massive Second World War above-ground bunkers that were built by the Nazis to withstand air raids.
DAILY TELEGRPAH – Simon Heffer: “What else does Austria have up its sleeve?”
Or on them?
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 3rd, May 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Tabloids | Comments (27)
The Mail On Josef Fritzl, Natasha Kampusch, Nazis And Social Workers
WASN’T BBC TV’s ‘exclusive’ interview with Austrian kidnap victim Austrian kidnap victim Natasha Kampusch, 20, a non-event?” asks the Mail semi-rhetorically.
Before we go on, note that in the same issue the Mail’s feature “In the shadow of the swastika” tells us:
“Natasha Kampusch, who for eight years was held in a similar dungeon to the one where Josef Fritzl imprisoned his daughter, opened a Pandora’s box when she linked both horror stories to the country’s ‘authoritarian education’ and ‘the suppression of women’ under the Nazis. Her implication was that Fritzl, at 73 a child of the Nazi era, belongs to a generation that thought it could get away with anything.”
The Mail continues:
“Invited by Robin Denslow to comment on the latest Austrian kidnap scandal, Natascha… suggested it might be connected to the exploitation of women by Nazis during the Second World War.
“Isn’t this the kind of airy-fairy theory she might have heard from social workers.”
Or else she read it in the Mail…
Posted: 2nd, May 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (7)
Bluebell Day For Groundhogs In The Daily Express
IT’S Groundhog Day in the Express, or Bluebell Day, as the paper calls it.
“Battle of the bluebells,” says the headline.
“Spanish invaders threaten our favourite flower.”
On April 26, 2006, the paper warned readers of the Spanish invader – the scentless Spanish bluebell creeping out of the flowerbeds and into woodlands.
Now it’s back. And it’s still creeping.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 2nd, May 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (8)
Mr Gay UK Involed in Cannibalistic Murder
MUCH scandal in the world of Mr Gay UK as inaugural title Anthony Morley is in the brown stuff.
No, not the touche éclat. Well, not only that.
The Sun says that Morley has been held by police after the body of one Damian Oldfield was found at a house in Harehills, Leeds.
A section of Mr Oldfield’s leg had been removed, and the fear is that Morley planned to eat it.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 2nd, May 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (12)
Blood Red Square: Violence At Champions League Final
“FANS FACE RED SQUARE UP,” says the Star, kicking off the tabloids’ traditional jingoistic build up to every big match on foreign soil.
It’s Russian Chelsea v American Manchester United in Moscow and “supporters fear chaos could end in a riot”.
Fear or hope? It’s unclear.
“Violent mafia gangs rule the streets and crooked police ignore drug abuse and prostitution…so will Moscow welcome the 100,000 British football fans for this month’s prestigious Champions’ League final.”
Sounds like they’re well prepared.
Posted: 2nd, May 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (3)
That Disgusting Pornographic Miley Cyrus Picture, Again
MORE news on Miley Cyrus, the 15-year-old star of the Hannah Montana TV show, and a Vanity Fair muse.
In “An innocent teen, a suggestive pose and a photo that taints Disney’s new £50m star,” the Express – owned by pornographer Richard Desmond – clacks its tongue, tutts and purses its lips in disgust.
It then shows its readers the image of an innocent teen in a suggestive pose…
Picture: 14
Posted: 2nd, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (12)
Madeleine McCann: Josef Fritzl, Tabloid Bingo And Watching Kate McCann
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann
DAILY MIRROR (front page): “We’ll find Madeleine ourselves”
It is the McCanns’ “EXTRAORDINARY VOW”.
Any news of Metodo 3, the sleuths who would find Madeleine by last Christmas?
TWINS IN VOW TO FIND SIS – MISSING MADELEINE McCANN: ONE YEAR ON
The McCanns’ three-year-old twins Sean and Amelie have promised their grieving parents they will rescue their missing big sister.
Well, why not let them have a go?
Says Gerry McCann: “Madeleine is everywhere in our lives.” All our lives.
IRISH INDEPENDENT: “’One year on, we’re no closer to finding Maddy’”
Says Kate McCann: “There has been that much speculation in a lot of the media, particularly the written press. It’s taking away people searching for Madeleine.”
Says Kate McCann, and not Clarence Mitchell, the McCanns’ media handler.
POLO SHIRTS (a company selling T-shirts): “T-Shirts can be very valuable tools in helping to find missing children. Think about how many people see you each and every day. If you are wearing a T-shirt with the picture of a missing child on it then all of those people are also seeing the child and, hopefully, watching for her everywhere that they go. In the case of Madeleine McCann, the sale of T-Shirts is also helping to raise money for Madeleine’s fund: Leaving No Stone Unturned.”
Let’s hear it for the T-shirts!
GLASGOW DAILY RECORD: “Tragedy Breeds Tourism”
It is a year since Madeleine McCann vanished.
Madeleine McCann and Josef Fritzl? We’ve already had the McCanns and Elisabeth Fritzl. There’s a link? Joan Burnie sees one..
The apartment from which the then three-year-old disappeared has now become a sick tourist attraction, where people take their own kiddies to be photographed where once Madeleine slept.
Next year, can we expect the Austrian Tourist Board to promote tours of the dungeon in which Josef Fritzl incarcerated and abused his daughter?
THE SUN: “Dungeon rescue gives me hope”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 2nd, May 2008 | In: Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (1,111)
Fritzl Watch: Josef Fritzl’s Nazi Youth, Hitler Jumpers And Der Weisse Engel
FRITZL Watch: Anorak’s look at Josef Fritzl, Elisabeth Fritzl, Nazis and assorted Frtizls in the news
The similarity between the drab old three-storey apartment house in Amstetten where Josef Fritzl raped and imprisoned his daughter for 24 years, and the one 90 minutes’ drive away where Adolf Hitler was born is a coincidence – but not a comfortable one.
Nazis! Is Josef Fritzl a Nazi?
Natasha Kampusch, who for eight years was held in a similar dungeon to the one where Josef Fritzl imprisoned his daughter, opened a Pandora’s box when she linked both horror stories to the country’s ‘authoritarian education’ and ‘the suppression of women’ under the Nazis. Her implication was that Fritzl, at 73 a child of the Nazi era, belongs to a generation that thought it could get away with anything.
After 1945 redefinition started all over again, as Austria revelled in the ‘victim’ status, pretending Nazism was something that happened to Austria rather than in it.
Fritzl. Austria. Nazis. Was Harald Shipman a Nazi? Fredrick West?
A wave of collective amnesia was hypocritically cloaked in Catholic morality, folksy loden coats and winter sportswear.
Hitler Knits for all the family.
Not many today boast that Hitler was a fellow Austrian, born in the border town of Braunau-am-Inn, spent his youth in Vienna, and that the resentful bitterness of a great cosmopolitan city stripped of its empire rubbed off on him.
Best not mentioned in public, that. Best kept quiet, like Fritzl’s other family in the basement.
DAILY EXPRESS (front page): “It was let him rape me or starve, says the cellar daughter”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 2nd, May 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Tabloids | Comments (11)
Fritzl Watch: Strasse Of Shame, Nazis And Gusenbauer’s Gas
FRITZL Watch: Anorak’s look at Josef Fritzl, Elisabeth Fritzl and assorted Frtizls in the news
SPIKED: “Is there a Josef Fritzl on your street?”
The heinous cellar-incest crime is being turned into a metaphor for the dangers of family life.
Stasse of shame:Man threatened incest victims with gas death
Yet in much of the response to the Fritzl scandal, observers have suggested that, far from being ‘alien’, Josef’s alleged crimes are all too ‘human’. Rather than being viewed as an aberration, a story which has dominated headlines around the world precisely because it is so extraordinary, the cellar-incest horror is being turned by some into a metaphor – a metaphor for the continued haunting of Europe by the ghosts of Nazism; for Austria’s strange and unknowable ‘Eastern’ streak; and for the dangerous unpredictability of family life in general, especially as lived ‘behind closed doors’.
It takes a deeply disturbed individual to imprison his daughter. It takes a deeply disturbed society to behold such grotesque crimes and think to itself: where else might this sort of thing be happening?
REUTERS: Gas. Like the Nazis:
Fritzl, 73, told police earlier this week he had made threats to pump gas into the cellar where he hid his daughter and three of her children, a spokesman for the national criminal investigation office said.
NEWS24.com: “We’ll defend Austria’s image”
Austrian Chancellor Alfred Gusenbauer says: “We will not allow anyone to believe they can impute another ‘original sin’ to our youth. We are not collectively responsible for every criminal individual. Quite the opposite.”
Everyone’s mentioning the war…
Posted: 1st, May 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (7)
Nicole Farhi Mugged By Men With Car, In London
THE fashion designer Nicole Farhi has been robbed of a ring valued at £8,000.
Ms Farhi, 61, was threatened by two men, aged between 25 and 35, outside her home in Frognal, near Hampstead High Street, in north-west London.
They then drove off in a silver car, heading towards Finchley Road.
A car in London around Finchely Road and Frognal on a school day! They’ll never make it out alive…
Posted: 1st, May 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)
Whitnall And I: Amy Winehouse Scrubs Up A Treat
BY now you’ll be wondering what Amy Winehouse has been up to.
And the Star can reports that she has been getting a wound to her neck.
The paper says it’s a bite mark from Amy’s jailed husband Blake Fielder–Civil. The Mirror says Winehouse is pointing to it; perhaps it’s proof that she and Blaaake are still an item, as the Star suggests?
It’s a good job the papers is up to speed with such thing lest we think Winehouse was self-harming and the wound was caused by said finger scraping her skin. In which case, we’d tentatively advise some antiseptic creams and a tetanus shot.
Perhaps it’s for reasons of public health that the Sun’s Gordon Smart invites readers to put their hands up if they haven’t slept with Winehouse. Smart wants to look under your nails.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 1st, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (9)
How To Milk A Motorist And Spot A Yellow Menace To Children
CAN you milk a motorist?
The Mail says you can. And in “MILKING THE MOTORIST”, the paper says that one in three motorists is caught each year by parking wardens or speed cameras.
David Ruffley, the Tory police spokesman, says: “This is another staggering statistic that tells us a lot about the surveillance society.”
The Mail says it’s all about raising money from “soft targets”, those people in metal cars. It is an “outrageous abuse of power”.
Better still, it’s a chance for the Sun to use the pun “GRAND THEFT AUTO”.
Having made mention of terrorists, cancer and global warming, the paper’s Tim Spanton says Government sees the motorist as Public Enemy No.1. (Picture: Beau Bo D’Or Website)
The Government takes 67.8p in ever £1.10 litre of petrol.
And on top of the road taxes, congestion charge, parking fines (“£20 for every man, woman and child in Britain”) and speed cameras there’s the “SPY IN THE HAT”.
Her name’s Raj Kumaria, pictured in the Mail holding a huge “STOP” sign on a stick – a stick that also features the shadowy form of two children and a built in camera.
Thankfully, this menace can be easily identified on account of her huge yellow coat, yellow gloves and black baseball cap.
But she is not alone. These people work in gangs. The Mirror spots one called Val wearing dark glasses and taking film of drivers near a school. It is feared that some drivers have children in their cars.
It’s nothing short of sick.
And it’s high time this Government spared the motorist and went after the real criminals…
Posted: 1st, May 2008 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (18)
Unfare: Can You Be Too Fat To Drive A Bus?
CAN you too be fat to drive a bus?
That question to Translink, in Belfast, who answer: “Yes, you can be too fat to drive a bus.”
The company only accepts recruits with a body mass index of 33 or under and since Mrs Marie Parker’s BMI is 34.1 she should lose weight and reapply herself.
Says Mrs Parker in the Mail, dressed in a bus driver’s uniform, which one imagines is slit up the back and held together by a system of pulleys. “But it shouldn’t matter what size you are, unless the DVLA or your doctor says any different.
“They’re the people who have the right to tell you in confidence that you ought to lose a little bit of weight. No one else should do that.”
Gillian McKeith and any number of TV diet gurus would surely disagree, while others may wonder at the truck Mrs Parker puts in the DVLA’s fitness regime.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 1st, May 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (2)
